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Double Entendre Anyone?

DigiTrad:
A CLEAN SONG
BANG BANG LULU
SHAVING CREAM
SHINE YOUR BUTTONS WITH BRASSO
SWEET VIOLETS
SWEET VIOLETS 2
SWEET VIOLETS 3


Related threads:
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(origins) Origins: I'm not in the navy, a sailor boy I sit (20)
Mein Farter's ein lavatory attendant (6)
Lyr Add: The Gruen Watch Song (18)
'Teasing' songs (43)
Lyr Req: the farmer sat on a rock... (27)
Lyr Req: Innocent Song turns Bawdy (11)
(origins) Lyr Req: Sweet Violets (51)
Lyr Req: The Farmer / Sweet Violets (4) (closed)
Review: Bang Bang Lulu? For Kids? (5)
BS: Toilet humour??? (83) (closed)
Lyr Req: Sweet Violets (6) (closed)


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Subject: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:37 AM

I am a great fan of the double entendre and was most amused many years ago to discover that the film and music industry are not immune. The 1950 Kirk Douglas film "Young Man With a Horn" has raised some eyebrows as indeed has that great harp player and member of The Chieftains, Derek Bells marvellous album "Derek Bell Plays With Himself." Any Mudcatters got any more examples? and I don't want "The Secret Policeman's Ball."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:48 AM

I fondly remember the Enid Blyton book entitled Mister Pink-Whistle Interferes Again... ahh, happy days...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:54 AM

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre.
So the barman gave her one!
Sorry, no musical ones occur to me at the moment.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:06 AM

Baden Powell of course had his magnus opus 'Scouting for Boys' but recently I noticed at the Scout Shop in Sheffield a business plate on the office door saying Sheffield Boy Scouts Holdings Limited


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:07 AM

Do That To Me One More Time

I hated to hear my six-year-old daughter singing this one (complete with bump and grind). It wasn't so much the sexual entendre, but the passiveness it suggested.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:44 AM

LOL Mary......One of our foster girls was completely into the MeatLoaf song, "I'll do anything for love, but I won't do that." Sang it, played it all the time. Problem was, she would do THAT and everything else..........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Margo
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 10:43 AM

If you really like double entendre, you should get into sea shanteys. Raise the sheets and spanker! (Best understood said outloud). There's a lot more... Margo


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Gypsy
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:17 AM

If our banjo player doesn't stop having problems with HIS G string....sigh


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:25 AM

I wanna kiss you all over, and over again.

Don't remember the band.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:30 AM

The first violinist for the Wichita, Kansas Symphony was once introduced in a recital this way:

"And now, Ms. Beatrice Pease, on her violin"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:41 AM

Well, there's the lime in at least one version of Red Rever Valley"...Can I leave her behind, unprotected?..."

Not to mention that in The Jam on Gerry's Rocks "...They granted her her final wish, to be laid by Young Monroe..."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:59 AM

Non-musical: I never understood how Beaver Cleaver of "Leave It To Beaver" ever got past Ms. Goodbody, the censor.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 12:06 PM

Now this is the kind of question that makes me really miss my Dad. Off the top of his head he'd come up with a list of these things that would have you alternately wincing and laughing. From my limited folk song knowledge, I'd suggest the four McCurdy Dalliance records, whose raison d'être seems to be to highlight the double entendre.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Callie
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 12:16 PM

How is "Do That To Me One More Time " a DOUBLE entendre? What ELSE does it mean? Are they talking about playing the pink recorder or no?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,JohnB
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 12:25 PM

A guy in England, years ago, called Ken Dodd did a song which went "Happiness happiness the greatest gift that I posses, I thank the Lord that I've been blessed with more than my share of happiness" Sang with poor diction it takes on a whole different meaning. Not really double entendre but still amusing. JohnB


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 12:57 PM

I used to kiss her on the lips, but it's all over now; A roll on the drums, and a sandwich on the piano;

Failte


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Deda
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:18 PM

From "I'm gonna sit right down and write myself a letter" (Fats Waller or Jelly Roll Morton?), the line "a lot of kisses on the bottom, I'll be glad I got 'em." One old dixieland musician called it the "kisses on the bottom" song.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:26 PM

It's the "willie" songs that always get me .....I can't sing them with a straight face

For example ( lifted straight from the DT )
But my heart grew sad again When I found you had not come; Oh! Willie, we have missed you; Welcome, welcome home!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: open mike
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:26 PM

I think that John McCutcheon has an album of duets called "Plays Well With Others"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:29 PM

It's the "willie" songs that always get me .....I can't sing them with a straight face

For example ( lifted straight from the DT )
But my heart grew sad again When I found you had not come; Oh! Willie, we have missed you; Welcome, welcome home!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:35 PM

my friends dad always used to say eat every potato and PEA on your plate.

I also know one that my grandad used to say in Czech but it doesnt translate to English.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Madam Gashee
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:41 PM

I attended a rehearsal of local shanty group in the upstairs room of their local. When we reached a natural beer-break I offered to go to the bar downstairs & fetch up the drinks... However what I said was " I'm going down if anyone wants anything!!" Totally unintentionally wrecking their rehearsal!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 04:30 PM

I keep missing you but my aims gettin better.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: alison
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 07:21 PM

Jack the sailor.... the group was "Exile" - the son "I want to kiss you all over".... takes me right back to my disco days ... *grin*

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:27 PM

If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:33 PM

Do you prefer roses on a piano or tulips on an organ?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:40 PM

My Sister can't wrestle, but you should see her box....


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: ddw
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 08:58 PM

Blues tunes are loaded with double entendre. On the way to work I was listening to Robert Johnson's Travelling Riverside.

You can squeeze my lemon
Till the juice runs down my leg


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Adrienne
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:39 PM

My son's new Blink-182 CD made me raise my eyebrows..."Take Off Your Pants and Jacket".


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tinker
Date: 29 Oct 01 - 09:44 PM

The blues again... Hannah Johnson's big jack ass is on the block for sale....

Tinker


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:12 AM

The classic is of course, "Londonderry Air"

The last verse for the song Jolly Tinker:

Well I've been a jolly Tinker for these 40 years or more
But such a rusty hole as that, I've never blocked before.

One of my non-musical favorites is from the UK comedy Thin Blue Line - there is a lot of them in the show, but the best of them (especially from an American's perspective) was the one when the head of the detective squad was afraid that a mistake made by Rowan Atkinson's character would get him fired. The quote: Your cock-up: my ass! How that ever made it past even the Public Broadcasting Censors in the U.S. is beyond me.

pax yall


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Boab
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:40 AM

"Are ye home Mrs. MacPherson?"---"Aye; what d'ye want!"---" I'm sellin' tickets for the Thanksgivin' dance>"----"Sorry--cannae go, I'm under the doctor."----"Oh-ask the doctor if he wants a ticket----"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 07:12 AM

John Denvers' 'the cowboy and the lady' contains the immortal (or is it immoral?) line and there's a little bit of cowboy in the lady!

DtG


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 07:22 AM

If your Uncle Jack was on a horse and couldn't get down, would you help your Uncle Jack off the horse?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 11:51 AM

Great stuff. I never realise that there are so many dirty minded people on the forum. :-)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Madam Gashee
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 11:53 AM

"With her topsails all a quiver"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Kim C
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 12:20 PM

what's that shanty about Jack and the fireship? Oh yeah. Rattle Me Riggin. Full of 'em. She loved him up and turned him into a toad, she did. ;-)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:42 PM

I hate every bone in your body except for mine (another one of the bad country songs)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Seque
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 02:21 PM

If we are going to wallow in the gutter, how about taking famous movie titles and converting them to porno movie titles:

The Mighty Aphrodite= The Mighty Hermaphrodite.

Songcatcher = Schlongcatcher.

Saving Private Ryan = Shaving Ryan's Privates.

Children of a Lesser God = Children of a Lesser Sod.

Mr. Holland's Opus = Mr. Holland's Puss.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 03:09 PM

I said pretty maiden it's time to give o'er; For twixt wind and water you've run me ashore; Me shot locker's empty, me powder's all spent; And I can't fire more shot 'cos it's choked at the vent. "Cruisin' round Yarmouth" and in the same song "Her lily-white hand on me reef tackle fall" Jock


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 03:16 PM

Just remembered another wonderfull one, it's more hidden meaning than outright double entendre, but v good NTL. "As I lifted her petticoat easy and slow,and I rolled up me sleeve for to buckle her shoe" An illusion to condoms which in Ireland where this song comes from, condoms were at that time illegal. Jock


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: dwditty
Date: 30 Oct 01 - 04:19 PM

Personally, I prefer the single entendre...get right to the point.

Sinsull, how aboout when June used to say, "Ward, aren't you being a little hard on the Beaver?"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Deckman
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 12:19 AM

I feel forced to contribute the classic carpenters line ... "she cried as she lifted her wooden leg ... lumbers' goin up!". CHEERS, Bob


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Ritchie
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 07:01 AM

the classic line from the film 'porky's' which I'm sure inspired a lot of Bart Simpson's one liners, is the part where some one phones up the bar and asks for "Mike Hunt" The barmaid then shouts out to everybody in the bar " Has anybody seen Mike Hunt ?" I've seen this done and had to stuff a hanky in my mouth as I rolled onto the floor.

The other one is where the late Phil Lynott of Thin Lizzy would ask a girl in the audience if she had any Irish in her. When she replied no, he would then ask her if she wanted some. The Cad !

still a naughty boy at heart Ritchie.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 11:15 AM

Bob Hope, in the days of strict censorship got this one by, "I met her by the Pawn Shop and she kissed me under the balls,"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 12:24 PM

50 Yards to the Outhouse ... written by Willie Makeit... edited by Betty Dont.

LL


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: MAG
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:07 PM

Bonny Black Hare still takes the prize, I think -- surely it's in the DB --


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 07:33 PM

Ofmcourse there was the classic cricket commentary when the announcer said"The batsmans Holding the bowlers Willie"
I too made a similar faux pas once when I shouted to some children lining up after playtime "Would you boys please hold your balls in the line!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: bill\sables
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:00 PM

At the retirement banquet of General De Gaul, Mrs De Gaul was asked by the wife of the British Prime Minster what she looked forward to most about her husband retireing. She answered "A penis" at which point the General leaned over to the questioner and explained "She means Happiness"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 09:43 PM

Well, as the once-renowned English Doctor Jekyll once remarked, "We have nothing to hide but Hyde itself!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: CaptainLewis
Date: 31 Oct 01 - 09:45 PM

I hafta look this one up again, but it was a quote of a music critic to a woman solo cellist:

you have an instrument between your legs madam that could enthrall hundreds, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!

And of course there was the time when I was between sets after playing And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda, and an officious member of the audience approached and informed me that Australia started as a penal colony, to which I replied, "yes but they have women there too nowadays".

CLB


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:26 AM

Bo Carter specialised in double entendre or "hokum" blues, there is a compilation album called "let me put my banana in your fruit basket" tho' not all the songs are as subtle as that.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:41 AM

The Music hall singer Marie Lloyd used to sing a song which contained the line
"she sits among the cabbages and peas"
whwn people complained about it she changed it to
"she sits among the cabbages and leeks"
Music hall songs were full of such things


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pinkfiddle
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:15 AM

A Buxom lass - the whole song is full of them

For mowing is hard labour and if you must forsake Oh around my little meadow you may use your fork and rake

pf


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Crane Driver
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:48 AM

"Too High or Else Too Low" - another song about a travelling tinker who goes around blocking up the holes in ladies' kettles -

But when the tinker was at work, The wench in anger cried, Because he did not clench his nails Upon the further side

And so on


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:30 AM

I am surprised that no Mudcatter has come up with the Max Miller classic about the time he met a young lady on a narrow cliff top path.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:37 AM

there was an announcer at the Olympics who was talking about a woman weight lifter. He said "I saw her snatch this morning, and, it is incredible"! True story.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Firecat
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:45 AM

I know that this isn't musical, but what about the Phil Silvers line to the Arabs in "Carry On Follow That Camel"? Here's the transcript of those few lines:-

Chief Arab: "Goodbye, and peace be on you"
Silvers: "And peace on you too!"

Hahahahahahahaha... I crack me up, I really do! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: JudeL
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:53 AM

Just checked DT for my favourite double entendre song "Cottage for Sale" and it wasn't there so have posted it as a separate thread.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:07 AM

Let's go out to the pub, mate, fer a beer an a piss. Beer's on me, and piss on you.

A


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:49 AM

when Jean Harlow reportedly met Queen Margot of Belgium she pronounced Margot with a 't'. The queen corrected her and said no the 't' is silent as in Harlow.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:01 PM

Marie Lloyd had to change her words because of a court case brought by the censor. I think she "squats among the collieflowers & leeks" was the exact result and it went unchallenged. Giok
The song about a buckle would be a bit more understandable if the fact that in meadieval times buckle was a euphemism for er..... well lets just say it was somewhat graphic. The rolling-up of a sleeve then falls into place - (entendre intended!)
The cellist and the conductor and the "God's greatest gift to man" was Tommy Beacham and er......... my memory fails me but it was Gladys XXXXX.
Max Miller - he was full of them, so obvious often that he got more laughs by finding ways of coming up with an alternative punchline that was mildly funny in itself but funnier still because he got the surprise AND two jokes in one hit.
No Fiolar we don't know that particular joke can you tell us the punchline please. **pained innocence**


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:09 PM

I know that Bessie Smith sang I need a little sugar in my bowl, I need a little hot dog between my roll whats that its dark down there is that a snake? (I would say this falls in the innuendo category rather than the double entendre) btw you know the Italian suppository = Innuendo. For all the good it did I might as well shove it up my ass.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:26 PM

"I need a little sugar in my bowl", "I need a little hotdog down in my roll", "Come on Daddy. Sooth your mamas soul", "I need a little sugar in my bowl"

Bessie Smith.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: okthen
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:44 PM

"The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willy" or was it

"The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willy"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:04 PM

He didn't know whether to turn round and go back, or toss himself off!! ( Max Miller that was ) He also said," When I married the wife, her father promised me two acres and a cow. I'm still waiting for the land"!.............. What about all those songs about jelly roll then? Jock


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:06 PM

News headlines today ......

POLICE SHOOT DEAD MAN BRANDISHING FIREARM

Am I the only person to wonder why police needed to shoot a dead man .....it must be my age *BG*


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 03:26 AM

no water firemen improvise

animals saved in slaughterhouse fire more headlines


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:45 AM

No, the real punchline to the Max Miller joke was
he didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:10 AM

So Mr Red - now you know. The great Max was a master of the double meaning and no wonder his musical hall performances were crowded out. Sadly the TV has never really paid enough tribute to some of the marvellous perfomers of vaudeville and the music hall as the acts were never really recorded. Thanks to all who have contibuted to the thread.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: nutty
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 10:20 AM

Sometimes the Double Entendre is unintentional, as with a sign I saw in a Bankok restaurant

Please do not pay until you have been serviced


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 06:41 PM

I've gone many a mile in this old car,
And I hope I get many more,
All because little Maggie
Sees that it's well cared for.
Now, the spark plugs spark, the carburetor carbs,
The pistons do what they're supposed to do,
Ooh, little Maggie keeps it lubricated all the time.

If anything should get out of kilter,
Here's how to make it go away:
Reach down and give a little jiggle --
Everything will be O.K.
Now, the spark plugs spark,...

-- Pete Seeger

One might also recall the vaudeville song

She has freckles on her but she is nice.
When I hold her in my arms, it's paradise....

Elsa Lanchester was the grand mistress of the double entendre. She has a song ostensibly deprecating vacuum cleaners with the lines "If you can't get in the corners, you might as well give in" & "All you need is a bit of spit, your finger and a rag". On the same record (Tradition 2065) one may hear "Linda and Her Londonderry Air", "The Husband's Clock", and "Lola's Saucepan". Sometimes, however, the entendre is not at all double:

For a lady with a piazza
Has a place in which to sit,
And people know a piazza
Has a house attached to it.

Enjoy.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 05:50 AM

The late great Kenny Everett sailed as close to the wind as anyone with his character "Cupid Stunt" and "all in the best possible taste."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 07:02 AM

All this talk, and no one has mentioned either the Bury New Loom

or the Kippers.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tweed
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 08:55 AM

Back to them spark plugs, how 'bout Robert Johnson's "Terraplane Blues". He was not only a great blues artist but a highly trained mechanic too and knew how to get a motor running smooth...
"I'm gon' get down on this connection, oh well, keep on tanglin' with these wires
I'm gon' get down on this connection, oh well, keep on tanglin' with these wires
And when I mash down on your little starter, then your spark plug will give me fire"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Phillip
Date: 03 Nov 01 - 11:44 AM

She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 05:02 AM

What about Ruth Wallis, heard her once, thought she was as billed on the record sleeve; saucy. Never heard of her since.

Jock


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 01:15 PM

Giok, you're half-way there with Max Miller. He didn't know whether to block her passage or toss himself off. The story is that his line got him banned from BBC radio, but I gather it could all be just another urban myth.

It was Beecham, by the way, not Beacham. (As well as being a conductor he was part of the family that brought us Beecham's Powder.) I think he was addressing Beatrice Harrison at a rehearsal of the BBC symphony orchestra.

The radio shows, Beyond Our Ken and Round the Horn, both presented by Kenneth Horne, were double entendre from start to finish. A s a child at the time,I noticed that the audience always reacted in two stages - first politely, then in hysterics as the joke sank in.

A Kenneth Williams contribution comes to mind:

"Hello Rodney." "Hello Charles." "How's your bottom?" "Shut up!" "So's mine. Must be the weather."

Or two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, doesn't it?"

It now falls on Humphrey Lyttleton to keep this torch of innuendo blazing. Like Kenneth Horne, his voice is tailor-made. His hosts a radio show that includes a radio version of the BBC TV game, Give Us A Clue. Humph frankly admits that as Give Us a Clue was based on charades, his radio version can never match the original. He sighs wistfully as he recalls his fondest memories. For instance: "Who will ever forget Una Stubbs sitting open-mouthed as Lionel Blair pulled off12 Angry Men in less than half a minute?"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blind lemon steve
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 02:06 PM

yeh, i'll Give you one


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

To rephrase some of the above, the potatoes & peas on a plate I heard as: Confucious he say "man who eats meat and peas on same dish very unhygenic!

The "Happiness" line (Ken Dodd/ De Gaulle) was also used in a Peter Sellars movie as a comment to a new bride on arrival at an hotel "May you 'ave 'appiness all your life"

As for the "moonshiner's daughter" there are dozens of these, and tho' it's tempting, I'll restrict myself to: She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but she lay on the slab and said "Fillett"! She was only the Barman's daughter, but she pulled the wrong knob and got stout ! She was only the admiral's daughter, but her naval base was full of discharged seamen!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:11 PM

She was only the grocer's daughter but she showed Sir Geoffrey how.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:16 PM

She was only a gravedigger's daughter, but she liked lying under the sod.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 06:31 PM

She was only the Colonel's daughter, but she knew what Reggie meant.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 04 Nov 01 - 07:50 PM

She was only the telegraphist's daughter, but she didit didit didit !

She was only the mayor of Birmingham's daughter, but she knew Five Ways !

She was only the carpenter's daughter, but she was a brace 'n' bit !

She was only the stable hand's daughter, but all the horse manure !


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 01:40 AM

She was only a dentist's daughter, but she knew the drill!
Or, as the prince regent one said in Black Adder III:
"She was only a greengrocers daughter, but she knew a surprising amount about fish as well!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Amos
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 01:52 AM

Hi,

Folk songs have a few, Sir Patrick Spens,

"Where can I get me a brave young boy to take my helm in hand"

C


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 02:14 PM

She was only an ornithologists daughter, but she certainly knew a cockatoo. Jock


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,SINSULL, no cookie
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 03:27 PM

Bert swears it is unintentional but in "Size Doesn't Matter", mother says "Size doesn't matter, it's the flavor, you see." He swears it with such an innocent grin...


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Subject: I Used to Work In Chicago
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 05 Nov 01 - 04:54 PM

I am a little amazed that this song hasn'r come up in the conversation. Double entendre extraordinaire

I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO

I used to work in Chicago, in a department store,
I used to work in Chicago. I did, but I don't anymore.
A lady came in, and asked for some cake.
I asked her what kind she'd adore--.
"Layer," she said, so layer I did
I don't work there anymore.

I used to work in Chicago, in a department store,
I used to work in Chicago. I did, but I don't anymore.
A lady came in, and asked for a fowl
I asked her what kind she'd adore--
"A goose," she said, so I gave her a goose
I don't work there anymore.

(similarly)

A lady came into the hat shop,
I asked, "What kind would you like?"
"Felt" she said, felt I did

A lady came in for a sleeper
I asked, "which berth would you like?"
"Upper" she said; Up 'er I did

A lady came in for a waterbottle
I said, "what kind would you like?"
"Rubber " she said; rub 'er I did

A lady came in for a sweater
I asked, "what kind would you like?"
"Jumper, she said"; jump 'er I did

A lady came in for a ticket
I asked, "Where would you like to go?"
"Bangor," she said; bang 'er I did

Also:
Hardware...nails....nail her I did
Hardware...screw....screw her I did
Fruit......plums....plumb her I did
Cinnamon...sticks...stick her I did
Peas.......split....split her I did
Milk.......cream....cream her I did
Covers.....spread...spread her I did
Rope.......jump.....jump her I did
Booze......liquor...lick 'er I did


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Blind lemon steve
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 01:21 AM

This was a great one from Arthur Askey, he was a British music hall entertainer, it went out live on radio, probably early 1950's, my Grandad always told me about it.

I was walking over a narrow bridge, and a naked woman stood in front of me, i didnt know whether to block her passage or toss myself off.

he got into a lot of trouble with the censorship people.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tone d' F
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 03:52 AM

Man walks ito a bar and asks for a double entendre

so the barmaid gave him one


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tony in Brussels
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 04:28 AM

Then there was the newspaper headline about a person who escaped from a correctional facility for the criminally insane, committed indecencies with two ladies in a laundry and then ran off: NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 06 Nov 01 - 08:41 AM

Blind Lemon Steve: The anecdote you mention was told by Max Miller as already mentioned on the thread. Arthur Askey never had the reputation for blue jokes that Miller had. Sorry also Tone d'F the one you mention is already on the thread. Surprised that no-one has mentioned the Confucius one: Confucius he say. "Man with hole in pocket, feels cocky all day."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: JennieG
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 12:48 AM

A local (Sydney Oz) radio announcer several years ago was famous for his "cunning stunts" that he used to talk about regularly.
Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,maxine
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 02:33 AM

Can't think of anything to add that hasn't already been said...but just wanted to let you know, I have been giggling for hours over these! Particuarly the 'she was only a fishmongers daughter but she lay on the slab and said FILLET! Why have I never heard these before..I must have led a sheltered life!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Whitewater
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:34 AM

And of course there's the song 'The Lusty Young Smith' which is entirely double entendre's but there are also lines like this in a song named 'Blue Cap' from ancient Scotland.

(paraphrased) A Bonney Scottish man with a long skene (knife) in his hose, who climed up to her bedroom to woo.

A dark Handsome Spaniard with rapier and Poinards (daggers)

An eager Frenchman who lov-ed her dear,and was panting for the chance to do it again.

And a song called Virgin Sturgeon. . .

I'm sure there are more. . .

Whitewater


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 03:47 AM

Of course there's a whole slate of the blues repertoire, that I call "bawdyville" personified by people like Ma Rainey and Champion Jack Dupree, and UK's own George Melly. Songs like "Put a little sugar in my bowl";"Hot Dog Man", "Nuts", "Wrong Keyhole", "Kitchen Man", "Garbage Man", "Under your hood" etc.
RtS ("Gonna take my screwdriver, look up underneath your hood. When I've finished screwin' gonna get your motor runin' real good". 'Spaw will say it's all the fault of Lucas Dynamos!)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Red
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 06:09 AM

How about one of Huw Rynal's
peer pressure


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 07 Nov 01 - 08:40 AM

Roger the Skiffler: George Melly certainly is great. I've got a recording of him and the marvellous Spike Milligan at a jam session with George singing about how certain people "go crazy about the way I ride" (unquote)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 03:44 AM

"Come up amd see me sometime when I've nothing on but the radio"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 04:22 AM

Fiolar, that song is Jelly Roll Morton's, The polite version is "The girls go crazy 'bout the way I walk" etc. The late night version, based on JRM's career as a "Sportin' House" pianist is "All the whores go crazy 'bout the way I ride" (and the man's not talkin' horses, no siree).
RtS ("You got a nice little motor, but too many drivers at your wheel")


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Gervase
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 05:52 AM

She was only the policeman's daughter, but she let the Chief Inspector...
Or (dubious taste this one); She was only the Admiral's daughter, but her naval base was full of discharged seamen.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 07:08 AM

Then there is the series of jokes where the second part is sort of a spoonerism of the first( the second part is usually left unstated for the listener to spooner, or if stated usually in a less obvious paraphrase)
i.e. "whats the difference between a magic wand and a policemans truncheon(nightstick)??
One is used for Cunning Stunts......
"whats the difference between a nun and a woman in the bath?
" one has a soul full of hope...."
Or " whats the difference between a barrow boy (street trader)and a dachshund
"one bawls out his wares oon the pavement....


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 08:52 AM

What's the difference between the big race at Ascot and Fergie (Duchess of York) looping the loop?
One's the Royal Hunt Cup ...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 08:57 AM

Roger, thanks for the info. Funny thing though, the programme in which George and Spike performed was transmitted on a Sunday afternoon many years ago. I suppose like many more which slipped past the censor, no one had listened to it before it went on air.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Nov 01 - 07:54 PM

I worked at a state park outside of Jersey City and we monitored the Jersey City Police channel on our radios. One night I heard this conversation: "Go to (address), we got a report of a woman being assaulted in the rear". "Assaulted where?" "IN HER BACK YARD".


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Melani
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:38 AM

"...and there on the bed I cut loose with me sword."

Bob Franke did a couple of "hokum" blues--"Fuji Blues (bicycles) and "Computer Blues", which of course contains the line, "I got my modem workin'."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 09:00 AM

Cap'n Bligh: 'Avast behind!'


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Airto
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 12:10 PM

Louis Jordan's song Saturday Night Fish Fry seems to be about more than just fish.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 03:23 PM

I cant work out how the old Skol Lager ad got out on UK TV Thats the one where he's got 4 cans in the fridge and all these people visit,some with and some without beer,and finishes off with the comment that he can still give his girlfriend one.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 07:13 PM

"Sir, you are prevaricating. Did you, or did you not, sleep with this woman?"
"Not a wink, your honour."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Aug 02 - 07:22 PM

judge:'you are charged with being drunk & disorderly, therefore you will go to prison for two weeks'

prisoner: 'your honour, i wasn't drunk, i was merely intoxicated'

judge: 'well, in that case you'll be jailed for a fortnight!' 8-)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,rootbager@aol.com
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:46 AM

Don't know how you could've missed THIS one:

What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls' track team?

Well, one is a bunch of CUNNING RUNTS . . .


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 07:24 AM

She was only the Colonels daughter and though she was very nice to the regiment , she was rotten to the Corps


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Billy Weeks
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 09:35 AM

And while we're digging out oldstuff:

Where is a woman's Now? As in 'I wonder who's kissing her now?'

And what is her Yet? As in 'He shot her in anger and the bullet is in her yet'.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Forsh
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 11:08 AM

North East singer songwriter, Peter Afendoulus got so pissed at folks miss-spelling his name, that his first (and gladly only) album was entitled: 'there's only one F in afendoulus.. does this count?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 03:11 PM

How about...

She was only a Choirmaster's daughter but she knew 'Away In A Manger'

and........

What's the diff between a year-old baby and Camilla PArker-Bowles?

One chucks Farleys.......

HAsta
BFG


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 04:05 PM

What's the difference between...
A bad archer and a constipated owl?
          One shoots but never hits...

A Trafalgar Square reveller and an Ibex?
          One mucks about in fountains...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:26 PM

A termite walked into a bar and asked "Is the Bar Tender here?"

In the UK there used to be a woman who cooked and baked, on TV, by the name of Fanny Craddock and her husband Johnnie used to help her.. and he always summed up at the end.
The day she made ring doughnuts he said " And if you follow the recipe carefully, all your ring doughnuts will look like Fannys".... He then coughed and looked totally embarrassed.
Best wishes.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 05:45 PM

He saw that truck at the motel
The name they had given was false
He saw through the window they had nothin' on
Except for the Tennessee Waltz.

-- Berryman & Berryman, "Cheatin'"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 06:33 PM

What's the difference between the Warhorse, and the Carthorse?

The Warhorse darts into the fray....


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 06:40 PM

What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policemans truncheon???
A magicians wand is for cunning stunts!

What is the difference between the Whitehall theatre and a public toilet?
The whitehall theatre is for Arts and Farces.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 09:15 AM

Didn't see you at the International Janitors' Convention - - it was a sweeping success!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 11:19 AM

I love good "clean" jokes.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 08:26 PM

I detect a majority of British (Or Austr?) input on this website - hope you don't mind, I'm a damn Yankee in Oregon, USA. I'm not sure how your "defenders" operate over on that side, but over here a popular one remains:

What's the difference between an attorney and a catfish?

Well, one is a scum-seeking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish!

Cheers!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Lil Dog Turpy
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 09:54 PM

At a recent musical get together, my brother asked the piper what sort of pipes they were ... "Flemish", "I can imagine but I meant where do they come from" !


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tony
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:42 AM

I remember a couple of songs from the North of England which probably qualify.

One sung by the Oldham Tinkers about John Willy's 'orse: "between the pillars on the Town Hall steps John Willy showed his 'orse" etc

Then in another Tinkers one "the freezer collapsed and she fell on her ice and by gum she were cool to me then". You have to say ice with a Lancashire accent to get that one.

Another one was the tale of how an old man's rooster attacked an old lady's donkey which concludes "I think things have come to a terrible pass when you can't keep you cock from an old lady's ass'. Not sure if it's in the DB; I should look.

Then there was the story about the retired conductor with a dog called Grieg because all it ever did was pee agin t'suite (Peer Gynt Suite)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pavane
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:13 AM

Fanny Craddock was mentioned above. The 1960's BBC comedy program 'Beyond our Ken' (with Kenneth Horne and Kenneth Williams) had a cook named Fanny Haddock on the 'panel' for their send-up of Juke Box Jury (As well as pop star 'Ricky Livid')

Typical of the comments

'If you haven't listened to the Bartered Bride, you don't know which side your Bride is bartered on'


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:44 AM

Without checking through all the postings I don't know if this one has already been done. In the TV comedy series "The Thin Blue Line" starring Rowan Atkinson there was one scene where the CID officer felt that the blame for a particular problem might fall unfairly on him with the statement to Rowan - "Your cockup. My ass". How it slipped passed the BBC censors, I'll never know.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Lindsay
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:02 AM

My father has a sheet-music book with the lovely title "Six Wedding Pieces For Organ"

He was a classical guitar tutor, and once showed me a book entitled, "Bach At The Beginning" - to which he had added, "Miaow At The End"

What about the song, "If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 11:24 AM

My favorite is from the Kinks song Lola-   "well I'm not the worlds most passionate man but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 12:03 PM

That last one was terrible! If I were running this forum I'd whip it out immediately!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Sky-Coyote
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:55 PM

Hello Everyone,
How about the classic line from Victoria Spivey and Lonnie Johnson's
duet of Tooth-Ace Blues Pt1&2 from the mid 20's-"You thrill me when you drill me." This lyric was also later used in "Long John Blues" by Dinah Washington many years later.
Enjoy, Sky-Coyote the Jazzin' Hobo.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 05:47 PM

What's the difference between a barmaid in the daytime & in the nighttime?
In the daytime, she's fair & buxom.

What's the difference between a church & a bathtub?
In church, you have hope in your soul.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Juan P-B
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 06:54 PM

What's the difference....

.....A baby and a seagull?
One flits along the shore..

.... Plastic surgery and an OFSTED inspection?
One tucks up the features...

.... A mustard footbath and a bodhran player?
One bucks up the feet

Hasta
BFG


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Celtaddict
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:28 PM

What's the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?
The hematologist pricks your finger.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:41 AM

A generation of houseflies decided to do something for entertainment besides the usual run of "fly stuff" and adopted themselves a national sport. Fly Drag Racing became so popular that the entire world of flies swarmed over to participate.

        There were vastly numbered trillions of entrants, and it became quite the job to prove who the winners were, so a two-billion strong panel of judges was elected and each fly was given a stopwatch to verify the ETs of countless contestants. What can be said about the judges and their stopwatches?

        Flies time when they're having fun!

(Would a fly without wings be called a "walk"?)


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Bentley
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:49 AM

Confucius he say "woman runs faster with skirt up than man with trousers down". Any good?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:00 AM

Hi Bentley,

Okay, good. not exactly a Double-E, but a classic in it's own right! In the U.S. we had such a big run on "Confucius say" jokes back in the 1960s that some high schools put a ban on them (Administrators never learned to have any fun! Most admin's. were long dead before their time.) Are Confucius jokes coming back into style?

Confucius say, "Man who lay woman: - -

- on ground have piece on Earth!"
- on hillside not on level!"

He also allegedly said, "Man who see woman strip naked aboard airplane and lie on her back experience hairy crack-up!"

Cheers!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: pavane
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:07 AM

Confucius say,

Woman on Jockey's lap get red hot tip

Foolish man give wife grand piano for birthday, wise man give wife upright organ

Woman on judge's lap get honorable discharge

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:33 AM

Hi guys - - have we created a monster???

Cheers - the damn Yankee in Oregon


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 12:28 PM

What's the difference between an Ofsted inspector and a cosmetic surgeon? One tucks features whereas the other...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:24 PM

What's the difference between an epileptic farmer picking corn and a hooker with diarria? The farmer shucks between fits...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

"No, no, nurse! I said to *prick* his *boil*."


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,marthabees
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 08:54 PM

It took me a minute to get this (and what a howler!):

"Hello Rodney." "Hello Charles." "How's your bottom?" "Shut up!" "So's mine. Must be the weather."

But I'm still don't get this one:

Or two nuns in a bath. One says "Where's the soap?" The other says "Yes, doesn't it?"

Please translate??
Martha


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:29 PM

ah, marthabees, your mind just isn't nasty enough; it is kinda subtle, tho; I think the implication is that you can "where" a bar of
soap down if you keep rubbing at any particular spot; then again, maybe I'm missing this one myself...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,marthabees
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:41 PM

frogprince,
I'm usually a bit more ...ahem... on the ball than this.
Thanks for the explanation. I do believe I've got it now.

And I'd like to add: Anna Russell is a bit bawdy in her opera spoofs. Just a thought.
M


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 01:15 AM

If you keep the soap in the water long enough, it will get smaller.

Ah, that's the solution to my problem :-) - no more baths for me!

Confusicus say: Man who go to sleep with hard problem, wake up with solution in hand!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 02:24 AM

Said the radio talk-show-hostess to her groom on their wedding night,

"Now that you have brought it up, your point is well taken!"

Cheers!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 09:59 PM

Be sure to see The Gruen Watch Song, posted by Joe F.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:02 AM

Was driving home and saw this sign up out side a Hotel/Motel...

40 POKIES
MOTEL


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 12:10 AM

Mudcat thread title

HULL SMOKING CLUB - TRIPS OUT


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Lindsay
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:14 AM

What's the difference between:

a bad marksman and a constipated owl?
A bad marksman shoots but can't hit

A trapeze and a truncheon?
A trapeze is for cunning stunts

The seaside and a brand new coin?
A brand new coin is shiny bright

A street seller and a dachshund?
A street seller bawls his wares on the pavement

A pub and a bridegroom?
A pub has beery walls

more when I think of them...!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: M'Grath of Altcar
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:40 AM

From a play what Ernie Wise wrote........

Wise:                Have you got the scrolls?
Morecambe:    No I always walk like this.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:26 AM

"have you got the scrolls?"?? Either you have to "speak brit" to get this one, or it's my turn to be dense at the moment. Somebody give me a clue, pleeze?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,eddie haskell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 02:31 PM

There was a fellow who did the college cicuit back in
the 70's- he wrote a song called "Eddie Haskell" and
one of the lines was "good evening Mrs. Clevage- How's
the Beaver?"
He also had a song about getting a vasectomy,
and a line in the chorus was "All the juice, no seeds!"
And what about that Norah Jones tune ("Don't know why I
didn't come!")


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:11 PM

For dogged persistence in sleazy double entendre, "The Gruen Watch Song" (which Joe Offer was kind enough to post a link to) is hard to beat. Does anyone know the tune?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:30 PM

The quweer Irish couple:

Patrick Fitzgerald

AND

Gerald Fitzpatrick

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 12:44 AM

Confucius say:

> Seven day nonstop honeymoon make whole weak.
> Man with athletic fingers make broad jump.
> Woman with blond hair have black hair, by cracky.
> Virgin much like balloon - one prick, all gone.

These I remember all the way back as a tenth grader in 1962! And it is true - our principal, as did many others in the north end of my home town of Seattle, put a ban on Confucius jokes beause they were "morally corruptive" and not "in keeping with" the kind of thing we "fine, upstanding young men" ought to be party to (and party we did - Confucius jokes took the town by storm!!). Caught once or twice, remandatory trip to the principal's office. Third time, three-day suspension.

Cheers - - the Yankee


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Lindsay
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 09:16 AM

How to make a lass "ooh" with two fingers...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 10:16 AM

So you're a cowboy then, Lindsay?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Michael
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 10:31 AM

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

True one: I worked in a school where the Headmaster took assembly every morning and after the religious bit he did his daily rant about behaviour. On the day after a window had been broken by a cricket game he went on and on and on about not playing with your balls near the building, and if you must play with them make sure you stayed on the tennis courts. And 'Why are you sniggering boy? It's causing too much damage and that's no laughing matter'.

There were no staff left in the hall by the time he had finished!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Celtaddict
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 10:36 AM

A guitar playing, singing friend of mine at gigs announces from time to time, "Any requests? I'm here to make you happy with lips and fingers."
Another friend plays the bassoon and has a related line involving the big instrument between his legs but I seem to have repressed that one.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 08:32 PM

Back up to Michael:

That story of yours would have been a perfect John Cleese line in the school scene of Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life"! Heh heh!

Cheers! - - the Oregon Yankee


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Michael
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 05:08 PM

Oregon Yankee

Believe me we got'The Meaning of Life' in those assemblies. The first assembly in September began with Genesis chapter 1 and it went on, and on and on, even the non-believers were praying before year end.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 06:13 PM

Wow! Must've been a hell of a strict regime for a school kid to have to go through - I thought the dark ages were over with!

Back in the seventies, a bar I used to go to in Seattle was frequented by several after-concert Seattle Symphony members - and since I belonged to a different orchestra (Seattle had 18 Sym. Orchs. at the time, some professional, some not.), we all were friends and had plenty to talk about. One of the SSO Cellists came in for the golden brew, and told me that they had just peformed Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.

My response was supposed to mean something like, "Super! How was it?", or "Was it good - or was it great?!" - but the way it came out elicited the answer I least expected:

"That's great, Bill - - how did it go?"

Bill avidly sang out, "Ta - Ta - Ta - TAAAAAAHH!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 03:24 AM

Haven't heard from anyone lately - - has the whole world gone asleep? Hello out there!

Cheers - - - Oregon Yankee


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 05:18 AM

ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz......


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 05:59 AM

Happy's cut off!!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 10 Sep 04 - 05:06 AM

Foolestroupe, Sorry about Happy! It'll all grow back in a couple weeks.

While staying in Portland, Ore. this week, went into a local restaurant for some late night tea (because coffee would have kept me awake all night). Asking the waitress what kinds were there, the choice became Green tea, their brand being of the Jasmine type rather than the (I forget what it's called) other kind. Okay, fine - - great.

Next night, same place. Waitress recognized and asked,

"Well hi again - - Jasmine?"

"Hi! No, I play in the Symphony."

Cheers - - Oregon Yankee


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 22 Sep 04 - 07:13 PM

Re: Jasmine

I see now where an explanation might be in order, since it is not a universal term. Even my wife and several of my best friends didn't pick up on it right away.

"Jazz Man?"

"No - I play classical!"

Cheers - Oregon Yankee


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 22 Sep 04 - 07:30 PM

Confucius say "Man with hole in pocket feeling cocky all day!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 01:07 PM

Here's to the kisses I have snatched...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: John M.
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 01:46 PM

Here are a couple of double entendre songs:


       Large Balls (aka Anthony Claire)
       Melody - ???

    Chorus:

       For they were large balls, large balls,
       Balls as heavy as lead.
       With a dexterous twist of his muscular wrist,
       He could flick them right over his head.
       (Be-doom, be-doom, be-doom, be-doom boom boom)

    Now, there once was a man called Anthony Clair
    He was a very fine jugulaire,
    There wasn't a man who could compare
    With the way he fiddled and played with his balls.

    Now, Anthony was walking down the street,
    Just by chance he happened to meet,
    A pretty young maid with a dog at her feet,
    Watching him fiddle and play with his balls.

    Now, Anthony swung 'em round and round,
    Let 'em go with a hell of a bound,
    Right on the head of the faithful hound,
    Watching him play with his balls.

    Now, the maiden, she was overwrought,
    Swore she'd take the case to court,
    For in her opinion no man ought
    To be twisting and playing with his balls.

    They took him to a magistrate,
    Who put him in a cell in state,
    And left him there to meditate,
    And fiddle and play with his balls.

    And when they took the case to court,
    The lawyer of the lady sought,
    To prove that Anthony shouldn't ought,
    To fiddle and play with his balls.

    The jury said, "It's a bloody disgrace,
    Exposing yourself in a public place,
    Playing with your balls in a lady's face,
    Twisting and playing with your balls."

    The judge and jury couldn't agree,
    And the judge said, "It's plain to see,
    And really and truly I cannot see,
    Why a man shouldn't play with his balls."

    And this is the moral of this song,
    If you play with your balls, you can't go wrong,
    So bang your balls against the gong,
    And fiddle and play with your balls.

Compare the above song with related double entendre song "Parties, Banquets & Balls" in the digital tradition database:

    Parties, Banquets and Balls

    Parties, banquets and balls, boys,
    Parties, banquets and balls,
    As President Roosevelt has said before,
    There's only one way to stay out of a war
    That's with parties, banquets and balls, boys,
    Parties, banquets and balls,
    We'll have parties and banquets,
    And banquets and parties
    And balls, balls, balls.

    tune: Take Me out to the Ball Game (chorus only)
    from There I Was, Flat on my Back, Stevens

Another extended version of this song can be found on Oscar Brand's Sing-Along Bawdy Songs & Backroom Ballads. Listen to a 35 second mp3 here:

       http://tinyurl.com/3sw49


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 21 Oct 04 - 08:37 AM

Not a word from anyone in almost amonth - what happened?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 21 Oct 04 - 09:37 AM

Mention of the immortal Kenneth Horne brings back so many memories!
Opening lines from announcer Wallace Greenslade
This Weeks Classic Movie...... A Journey into Space...... It was on the Planet Venus....
KH My word, you should have seen us!

FC


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Oct 04 - 10:09 PM

Here's a song I wrote a while ago, that has a couple of double entendres in it:

ABSTRACT HORNY BLUES (1973)

standing on the porch at dawn
watching people's lights go on
wondering who's in bed there
thinking why in hell should i care
they can go blow a fuse
i've got those abstract horny blues

some people first thing in the day
look down their belly and pray
me when i go out to piss
i think what is all this
it's only meant to amuse
i've got those abstract horny blues

if i cared only for you
you'd be afraid i'd be true
but i don't care who you may be
so why should you care if it's me
i've got no self to abuse
i've got those abstract horny blues

i don't have the blues for fun
but when all is said and done
as long as you never go far
at least you know where you are
i've got a lot to lose
i've got those abstract horny blues


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Trevor
Date: 22 Oct 04 - 06:25 AM

.....but man with two holes not feel too cocky.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 04:32 AM

Not a word since October? What happened? Hello out there!!!!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 07:14 AM

Firecat,

I'm not 100% certain but I seem to remember the "peace on you" sequence as happening between Sid James and Kenneth Williams in "Carry on up the Khyber", the title itself being also a goodish double e.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 08:52 AM

No urban myth about Max Miller, though he was not banned immediately by Aunty Beeb. I remember he used to ride the edge, until he couldn't resist any longer, and he would suddenly go off air, followed by an anouncer apologising for the technical hitch which is "beyond our control". Then, after a short silence, "We are now returning to the (whatever show it might be), and Max would be heard no more, that night.

They may have banned him later, because he did disappear from radio, or maybe he just got fed up being cut off. BTW, he did say in an interview, that he was proud never to have told a dirty joke in his life, he merely made comments and left it to the dirty minds of the audience to make the connection.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 30 Jan 05 - 10:29 AM

Used to be a local Catholic minister at Hale (Cheshire) who was a very witty after dinner speaker.
He told a story about his early days in college when he was asked to preach at a service for the college rugby team. For reasons best known to himself, he chose as his text the parable of the wise and foolish virgins.
As he told it, he ended his homily with the rhetorical question, 'So, which would you prefer, the wise virgins in the light, or the foolish virgins in the dark?'
The vote was unanimous!

FC


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Dr. Phil E. Blunt
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:33 PM

You can walk into any of your local dirty burger joint and have a good laugh when you ask them to "Hold the Pickle"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 06:46 PM

We had a Home Economics teacher at school who must have had Max Miller as a scriptwriter. Two gems that I remember:

"Now next week we're going to be working with felt, which means you need to get your mums and dads to buy you some. I find the best place to get felt is the shop on the High Street."

Lacing a rather buxom sixth form girl into her bodice for the school play "Oh dear, I'll have let this out. It's a bit of a tit fight... erm, tight fit, isn't it?"

She was also responsible for, while trying to control a rather rowdy class, "Every time I open my mouth, some idiot speaks!"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 03 Mar 05 - 07:42 PM

One of my favorites is that in the US, "new directions" and "nude erections" are pronounced the same! Whenever anybody says Let's go into a new direction, or it's time for a new direction, or anything like that, it's all I can do not to crack up.
I worked at an answering service one of whose clients was New Directions for Men - I answered their phone Nude Erections for Men for years and nobody ever noticed!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tradsinger
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 02:37 AM

She was only the perfumier's daughter, but she couldn't leave the eau de cologne (old d... alone)

English music hall songs:

Put a bit of treacle on my pudding, Mary-Ann
Up went my little umbrella
Oh Timothy let's have a look at it
I'll be up her way next week:

The landlady of my boarding house, she fair gets on my nut
She's got a smoky chimney and a blocked-up chimney pot
She went around the corner to see a sweep she knew
She said 'Mr Sweep, will you sweep my flue?'
And the sweep replied 'Not now, but
I'll be up your way next week, I'll be up your way next week
I'm so busy with the neighbour's flue
I've only got one brush, I can't sweep two
In this sweeping business, we're really rather busy, so to speak
I'd be happy as a thrush if I had another brush
I'll be up your way next week.'

It's a good song. I'll be at Miskin, so I may whip it out there.

Gwilym


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 02:18 PM

None of the U.S. posters has mentioned the C & W song (I forget the artist, but a female) "I Want A Man With A Slow Hand".    Tw


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Folkiedave
Date: 04 Mar 05 - 03:16 PM

Noel Murphy used to start his act with "May the lord have Murphy on you".

Dave Eyre


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 04:36 AM

One of the many versions of "High Germany" produced my favourite.

"Besides me dearest Willie, I am with child by thee"

No surprises there then.......

Don T.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Rootbager@aol.com
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 07:17 AM

What did Snow White say when whe took a roll of film in to get developed?

"Some day my PRINTS will come - - - "


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snuffy
Date: 21 Mar 05 - 07:22 PM

"Besides me dearest Willie, I am with child by thee"

Always killed me that that is just a "besides..." and the real reason is"my feet they are so tender..W


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tanyer
Date: 21 Oct 06 - 02:18 AM

What is the difference between Lady Godiva & A Golf Game?

One is a hunt on a course....

Gwilym -- what songs are those music hall references from?


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: eddie1
Date: 21 Oct 06 - 04:07 AM

I was at a wedding in Scotland conducted by a fairly young, progressive Church of Scotland minister. I knew him pretty well from various committees. As used to be often the case, he was roped in to MC the speeches at the dinner afterwards and he came out with the golden oldie about, "An after-dinner speech should be like a miniskirt – long enough to cover the subject and short enough to be interesting!" This raised a few polite laughs although some of the older generation remained rather tight-lipped. He followed this up by saying, "Only last week I heard the naval definition of a miniskirt – one inch below sea-level! (c-level)" I guffawed and realised I was the only one laughing.
Although, as I said, I knew him fairly well, I never did have the courage to ask him if he knew what he was saying!

How about the chorus of the song "Dumbarton's Drums"

"Dumbarton's drums, they sound sae bonnie
And they remind me o' my Johnnie.
Such fond delights, they steal upon me,
When Johnnie comes and kisses me."

Someone decided to do a clean-up job on it and the last line became

"When Johnnie kneels and kisses me."

Better or worse?

Eddie


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,savage
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 12:17 PM

liquor in the front, poker in the rear...


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: SouthernCelt
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 01:54 PM

I have to tell this although it happened way back in the 60s. The famous-in-his-day Cardinals pitcher Dizzy Dean became a baseball broadcast commentator after his bb career. At a TV broadcast game in the 60s with the action even slower than normal on the diamond, the camera started wandering on the crowd settling on a young couple that were being somewhat amorous. Dizzy Dean and his broadcast partner (may have been PeeWee Reese) began to speculate about what was going on with the crowd being shown on the monitors in the broadcast booth. After each boring pitch on the field, the camera would return to the amorous couple in the stands. After two or three shots of the couple, Dizzy Dean said something to the effect of, "Hey, I've got them figured out; he kisses her on the strikes and she kisses him on the balls!"

A moment later the broadcast developed broadcast "difficulties" and following the game, Dean lost his job as announcer. It's still unknown whether he made the statement on purpose or just didn't think of how it sounded to those with dirtier minds. I don't think he ever had another nationally watched broadcast job.

SC


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Cragrat
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 02:11 PM

A few of my favouries:

Willie & the hand Jive (Various)

I Married the Moonshiner's daughter/And she made me liquor all night long (Hayseed Dixie)

When you're in love with a beautiful woman/It's hard (Dr Hook)

She was only an architect's daughter but she could spot a mighty erection!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 05:01 PM

Bob Hope also had a line that went:

"When I put my hands on my hips I feel crazy. When I put my hands in my pockets I feel nuts."

Think he got in trouble for that one.

Red Skelton said that when he was in vaudeville, they did a sketch where one of the women would lift her long skirt up to her ankle and say "It looks like rain"
To which he replied, "I'd like to see it clear up"
And they closed the show!


There was also the old joke that you could get Robin Hood by the bag and Aunt Jemima by the box


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Nicholas Waller
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 06:58 PM

People above mentioned Round the Horne, the mid-1960s BBC Radio series, which included Julian and Sandy as a couple of camp homosexual characters when homosexuality was still illegal in the UK. In one sketch featuring them as lawyers:

HORNE: Will you take my case?
JULIAN: Well, it depends on what it is. We've got a Criminal Practice that takes up most of our time.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Bainbo
Date: 21 Mar 07 - 08:00 PM

Recorded by Ska Cubano, The Jolly Boys, and several older distinguished calypsonians:

I asked my woman what should I do
To make her happy and to keep her true
All she said that I need from you
Is a little tiny piece of the big bamboo

Chorus:
The big bamboo, it grows good and strong,
The big bamboo, it grows good and long
Big bamboo stands up straight and tall
And the big bamboo pleases one and all

I gave my girl a banana plant
She said my friend this is elegant
It's much too nice to go to waste
But much to soft to suit my taste

Chorus

I gave my girl a sugarcane
Sweetness is sweet, I did explain
She gave it back to my surprise
She like the flavour but not the size.

Chorus

I gave my girl a coconut
She said my friend this is OK but
There's only one thing that worries me:
What good is the nut without the tree?

Chorus

I met a Chinaman named Dick Hung Lo
He got married in Mexico.
His wife divorced him pretty quick -
She liked bamboo, but not chopstick


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Tradsinger
Date: 22 Mar 07 - 06:16 PM

A woman walks into a bar and says 'I'd like a double entendre', so the barman gave her one.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Bardan
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 12:01 AM

The one I always remember is in all the Christmas services where Mary asks the angel how she'll bear a child since she's a virgin and the angel goes "the holy spirit will come upon you". You could always rely on one or two sniggers at school.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 10:15 AM

200 !!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Eternal Youth
Date: 23 Mar 07 - 11:10 AM

Tommy Cooper, a British comedian, got into a lot of trouble with the BBC censors, with this one:

"I was walking along a narrow bridge, and I saw this naked woman standing in front of me. I didn't know whether to block her passage or toss myself off"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Fiolar
Date: 24 Mar 07 - 10:07 AM

Eternal Youth: That wasn't Tommy Cooper. It was actually Max Miller one of the great musical hall entertainers.


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Snufkin
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 12:14 AM

What about The Game of All Fours, sung by (among others) Maddy Prior and Kate Rusby? The whole thing is pretty much a double entendre, but here are a few verses from Rusby's version:

We hadn't been walking a few miles together,
Before this young damsel began to show free,
She sat herself down, saying "Sit down beside me,
The game we shall play will be one, two and three."

I said, My dear lady if you're fond of the gaming,
There's one game I know I would like you to learn,
The game it is called The Game Of All Fours,"
So I took out my pack and began the first turn.

She cut the cards and I fell a dealing,
I dealt her a trump and myself the poor Jack,
She led off her ace and stole the Jack from me,
Saying, "Jack is the card I like best in your pack.

"I dealt the last time; its your turn to shuffle,
My turn to show the best card in the pack,"
Once more she'd the ace and stole the Jack from me,
Once more I lost when I laid down poor Jack.

So I took up my hat and I bid her good morning,
I said, You're the best that I know at this game."
She answered, "Young man, come back tomorrow,
We'll play the game over and over and over and over and over again"


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 10:56 AM

Confucius he say : man with big balls had no toys as a child.

What about "Old King Cole" ?

He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
And he called for his jugglers three.

Every Juggler had a fine pair of balls
And a fine pair of balls had he -
Oh ! Throw your balls in the air, said the jugglers . . .

Coalmen three : Would you like it a the front or the back, said the coalmen . . .

Lots more where they came from !


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Folkiedave
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 11:20 AM

Too much thread to read.

Roy Bailey's goodnight wish for many years.....


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: quokka
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 12:37 PM

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the Woody Guthrie song
"Walt Whitman's Niece" - words by Woody (1946) music by Billy Bragg,(1997) from the album Mermaid Avenue:

Last night or the night before that
I won't say which night
A seaman friend of mine
I'll not say which seaman
Walked up to a big old building
I won't say which building
And would not have walked up the stairs
Not to say which stairs
If there had not have been two girls
Leaving out the names of those two girls

I recall a door, a big long room
I'll not tell which room
I remember a deep blue rug
But I can't say which rug
A girl took down a book of poems
not to say which book of poems
And as she read, I laid my head
and I can't tell which head
Down in her lap
and I can't mention which lap

My seaman buddy and girl moved off
After a couple of pages and there I was
All night long, laying and listening
And forgetting the poems
And as well as I could recall
Or my seaman buddy could recollect
My girl had told us that she was a niece
of Walt Whitman, but not which niece

And it takes a night and a girl
and a book of this kind
A long long way to find its way back

Sleeve notes say Woody wrote this in 1946 - pretty explicit for the time, I think! Now just to figure out if it was a twosome, a threesome or a foursome!

Cheers,
Quokka


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Pisces
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 12:44 PM

And what about the policeman who summons a lady for questioning with a moving crook'd finger. Then said, "I knew you would come on my finger."

Or the girl who is about to get unwanted sex and says. " No, Dont, Stop. No dont, stop. No, dont stop.".............


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 02:05 PM

I really love driving down country lanes in the Summer and seeing all the young couples on the verge !!

I once took my girlfriend out into the fog and mist !!!


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Alan Day
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 02:51 PM

I've got a Woodpecker on my nuts.
Al


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Jul 08 - 08:22 PM

If you were at the end of a pier and a suicidal young lady came bearing down on you, would you toss yourself off or obstruct her passage?

Further Old King Cole stanzas:

...painters...brush...slap it up & down, up & down...
...tailors...needle...stick it in & out, in & out...
...baker...tart...fill that tart with cream...
...butchers...block...slap your meat on the block...
Fiddle-de-fiddle-de-dee, said the fiddlers,
Merry, merry men are we!
There's none so fair as can compare
With the boys of the varsity.

One might also note a stanza in "My God, How the Money Rolls In":

My uncle makes big tallow candles
Of wax that is specially soft.
He says they may come in quite handy
If ever his business drops off.

Cf.

If you should wed a businessman, be wary, O be wary!
He'll say he has to stay in town on business necessary.
His business is the business that he gives his secretary.
Oh, I hate men! -- "Kiss Me, Kate"


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Subject: Un Joueur Du Luth / The Lute Player
From: Genie
Date: 23 Jul 08 - 04:35 AM

The Limeliters ("Our Men In San Francisco") did a song called "Le Joueur du Luth" (The Lute Player), which is entirely double entendre.

I can't find the lyrics on line, but I'd love to have them! They are in both English and French.

The story of the song is that a young lute player advertises "lute playing lessons" and becomes a sensation, with many a young lass beating a path to his door to, um, "learn to play." One day a much older lady comes to his door asking for "lute lessons," and he tells her that "you're too old to play this game." Whereupon she replies, "I've been playing this game for 60 years -- and there's no substitute for experience!"

Anybody got the lyrics?

G


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: GUEST,Tise Tobin
Date: 06 May 09 - 05:51 PM

Pete credits his friend "Joe" with the authorship of the song, and I believe the woman's name is Molly, but I'm grateful to you 'cause you got down the words I had forgotten!

The song was part of a Folk Alley stream for Pete's 90th birthday, if you care to hear it.


http://www.folkalley.com/archives/001122.php

Peace,
Tise


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Subject: RE: Double Entendre Anyone?
From: MorwenEdhelwen1
Date: 22 Apr 11 - 04:57 AM

Four words. "My Donkey Want Water."


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