BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 02:55 PM

What a pair of sad stereotypical northern meatheads.

Mcfattytash, might as well roll them together cos they both make the same inane noises.

"My beer's stronger than your beer"
"My head's thicker than your head"

Given that I was born a Midlander, I can see why I've been drawn to the civilised south.

Why not give yourselves a treat and get down to Kent, the land where hops are grown and the brewers know how to use them.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:52 PM

What comes naturally limp wrists or not thinking one little bit?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:17 AM

Bless. I don't need it, Dave love. It comes naturally to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 10:50 AM

Can't you try a handcream with Viagra in it ?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 10:30 AM

You can discuss my limp wrist all you like in June, when I shall be staying in a five star hotel in Monte Carlo, thinking about you not one little bit. So there.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 07:31 AM

Try Fuller's ESB or the fiendish brew that Harvey's bring out at Christmas. Young's special isn't to be taken lightly either - try it half and Half with Winter Warmer !

Incidently "Greene King" comes from Suffolk, Charlie Wells is Bedford's home brewery - Bombardier (named after "Bombardier" Billy Wells, the boxing champ who hits the gong before Rank films) is quite capable of putting people on the floor too.

Perhaps we should insist on one "Home" and one "Away" bout.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 06:09 AM

Boys Bitter more like !! I too did missionary work in the South. Buckinghamshire where Ind Coope or Aylesbury Bitter was as weak as Kthe Deimeister's limp wrist. Bedfordshire at least had Green King which was passable.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 05:56 AM

Ale too strong ! Gnats piss me thinks, after 2 years in Oxford where I signally failured to get pissed on the local brews, Morrels, Moorlands and God forbid Halls Harvest,(This despite many concerted efforts) I had to return North in order to drink some decent beer. Even the landlord in one pub I frequented (Black Boy at Headington)referred to his bitter as a "pint of flat"

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 05:47 AM

I'm sure that they'll widen the gate so that you could sqeeze through.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 04:51 AM

Won't get past border control

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 04:47 AM

Why don't you wimps come down south, then - frit ? - or is the ale too strong ?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 04:33 AM

Kampervan has gone strangly quiet methinks Lod Ragtash that we have frit him !!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 06:58 AM

Ah you see Kampervan being the wet southern softie what he is has never been to Moor & Coast. He has threatened to and may make an appearance but Beverley is usually where him and the delectable Big Bird (aka known as Vicky) go. You know me though Raggy a Duel is a Duel and to hardened pro's like what we are the Moor the merrier.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 05:48 AM

Can we have the duel at Moor & Coast as I have commitments that will not allow me to attend Beverley, besides which Moor and Coast is sooner and I want to taste Clowningmans blood

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 04:33 AM

....a handbag...a handbag...pass me a handbag at dawn trusty Raggy. We will crush on these pesky varmits.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 18 Apr 04 - 03:14 PM

Hello o guest NTFTO

the duel is not fought on line but it is this year to be fought at Beverley Folk Festival in the UK. The format last year was I believe with old git each contender to sing a Shanty then a song from Burns and then a song of their own choice - the seconds also had to sing a song. Voting was by the gathered audience and the judges could be bribed to alter decision for chocolate or by singing their favourite songs etc. Each round was scored and the winner was declared based on the highest number of points - or in the event of a tie on the least cheating!!

DeaMeister v MCFAT chose love songs and Bruns for their specialist rounds when they fought for the love of Kampervans daughter Big Bird but Sooty, a waterpistol and chocolate led to MCfat being disqualified and Deanmeister claiming to win - or was it that he threatened to throw himself off the Humber bridge if Mcfat touched Big Bird - basically we are all completely mad and have a great time with songs and sculdugery and this thread is the build up to the event
Noreen are you being a judge again? Low cut top and chocolate?

well he/she did ask!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:00 PM

R&WR
I stand speechless, transfixed and even more deeply in awe of you and the pearls which emanate from your wondrous mind.

Add that to your mega breakfasts of sausage, bacon, tomato, egg, black pudding, toast, butter and hot strong tea .... well who could not fall at thy feet and worship.

And that, O guest from the Orient,is why I will shortly stand before a panel of independent judges, (all carefully dosed up with lots of independently brewed beer which I shall supply), and beat the McDonald (aka MCFAT) into a hocked cat.

Don't worry 'Guest NTFTO' nobody else knows what the hells going to happen, or where, or how.
BUT we know why.

It's for the love of a fabulous lady known only as R&WR. A mythical Mrs who can bring such joy and pleasure to a man's life that you could not imagine.

Here's to us R&WR

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Not there for the orientation...
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 12:38 PM

So is this exchange the actual duel itsel? And if so, how do we know who wins? Or is it another time and place? And if so, when and where? And just WHAT is the duel? (Don't mean to poop on anyones's fun; I just plain don't understand.) Thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:10 AM

I prefer Jazz to the blinking Banjo....!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:09 AM

Yeah, but he's on our side, so it'ok. We won't tell anybody...

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:04 AM

And Dave Bryant is a closet Jazz player
http://www.accuraterecords.com/bryant.html

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 11:03 AM

How the hell do you come up with this stuff, babe? Top marks.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:51 AM

http://deanmeister.uboot.com/

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:46 AM

I always suspected this. Begone, Baggysplash. We have no need of your kind on this forum.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:44 AM

And check out the picture of Deanmeister on his nickpage!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:41 AM

If you put Raggytash into Google you learn he is really called Katie and likes 'Friends' and 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' he posts to the Horneyt Owners Club and checkout his picture on the Sunday Soccer Predictions - I cant do blue clicky things!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 10:30 AM

I have got to start reading what I write!!

Okay 'I havent touched ' it honest me lord

and there you go again calling me a northerner _ I could get quite upset!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 09:44 AM

I have touched alcohol since New Year

Good God Rabbit, don't you northerners know that you're supposed to drink the stuff, not just touch it !

There I beheld a most beautiful maiden, lamenting for her Shepherd Neame - there you are, the fine ale of Faversham is respected as far north as Holmfirth.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:33 AM

Mr Try Ban - The reason for the difficulties with the weekend's beer had nothing to do with being a Northerner - my parents would hate you for that since I am from Suffolk originally! I know that to you anything above London is North but they were from Dagenham and Bethnal Green so they like to keep Suffolk as South rather than allowing me to link myself to the North.

The reason for my difficulties following the Hilsboro my dear Barty Dean was I have touched alcohol since New Year and three dry months took their toll!!

Anyone wishing to donate to the rehabilitiation of a red and white rabbit can of course send beer vouchers to me and I will ensure that once the festival season is here I will make sure R&R takes that medicine like the good girl she is!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:12 AM

Now that's fighting dirty. Kampervan has an advantage first Mrs Kampervan the First works for Mr Neame and Co. and lots of their falling over water comes north to Beverley. Second Kampervan is aware that the only berr to 'lay me low' and have such a massive hangover that I stayed off work for two days was whenst I was imbibing 'Spitfire'. Mind you I did have about eleventeen pints.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 16 Apr 04 - 05:02 AM

Are all these northerners whingeing coz they can't take their booze ? Good job that you lot weren't around at Miskin on Sunday night when we had the task of making sure that all the remaining barrels of ale got consumed. We had no trouble getting through 2,232 pints of assorted good ales and 160 pints of Draught Cider - and it wasn't that weak gassy stuff with 25% of head that you folks up north call beer.

Kampervan - If we bring up some of Mr Neames Finest Faversham ale - we could probably win the duel by a walk-over.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 04:18 AM

well it wasnt kinder to me !

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 04:17 AM

Haich Pee Hay Excess (and some Phoenix and some Kinder)

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 12:27 PM

Pleasure Mr DeanMeister - have to help out future son in laws all I can!

breakfast - well cremated offerings are all I can remember but then word has it that I was suffering Hilsboro Hexcess

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 11:10 AM

It would take a while for me to waste away

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:11 AM

Well if there's a food shortage up north - there's probably enough lard on you to feed Sheffield for a week, Jim.

BTW - when I was at Miskin over the weekend, I passed your name on to a couple of sheep who might be contacting you.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:46 AM

what's all this then ? technical advice on a 'duel' thread. The only technical advice that Kampervan needs to know is that I cook a mean breakfast (isn't that right R & WR ?) and that southern wimps like what he is will probably not be able to find the frying pan cos it will need to be grilled and organic and healthy wimpy crap like that where as us northern lads thrive on LARD !!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 04:40 AM

Thanks, R&WR, that's the one I ended up using. Found everything I needed on there.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 08 Apr 04 - 03:17 AM

well well, things change rapidly when you are away from your computer for a day dont they?

This news about ovine rumpy pumpy is news indeed to moi - my honour has been soiled by this brigand - will no one whisk me away from him?

Raggy - as you were being very nice - you know what happens when you talk french to me - the sum raised for your boat was £21 - not bad with one song and me singing it eh?

Deanmiester you could always try Kazaa - thats a shared P2P link and you can get quite a lot of stuff on there

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Kampervan
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 03:57 PM

I'm not sure that a sheep worrier (and I'm sure they are worried by the sight McFatboy's armoured fist approaching their rectal extremities), is a suitable opponent for a noble knight such as myself.

However in keeping with today's unfortunate tendency towards egalitarianism I'm sure that any reluctance to soil my hands on his unworthy gizzard would be construed as cowardice by his saddo second.

So, in response to the pathetic challenge from sheepshaggytash for me to meet him face-to-face after I've conquered Mc, I'll just say Why wait?
I'll take you both on at the same time. No holds barred.

Anyone who thinks that the greeks used a glove puupet to take Troy needs to be put out of their misery very quickly.

Come on down you losers.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 12:14 PM

Why not start a (non-BS) thread Deaney - you'll get a wider audience.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: The DeanMeister
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 11:39 AM

Just to be serious for a sec, I'm trying to obtain some old tracks for a current music project. Where do you recommend on the www to download music? Struggling to find some of them. Is anybody current on this sort of thing?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 06:57 AM

I'm sure the R.S.P.C.A. would agree with that.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 06:46 AM

Best keep his sex life out of this

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 06:34 AM

Yes draggybash, but the Trojan Horse was big enough for soldiers to hide inside - what could you have concealed in Sootie - Ninja Stag Beetles ? And what the hell is McFat going to hide up a sheep's arsehole ?

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 06:25 AM

Nah the foreplay consists of 'Here Sheepy, Sheepy'

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 05:58 AM

That'll make a change Jim - only your hand up a sheep's rear end - do you find that they prefer a bit of foreplay first, or are you having problems finding the other bit of you.

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 05:54 AM

Ha ! The fool thought it was a childs toy, unbeknown the the ne'er do well, reprobate it concealed a vast array of deadly weapons (the Trojans fell for a similar ruse).
If the enfant terrible survives long enough he may learn to give seemingly innocent objects greater respect

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: MC Fat
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 05:48 AM

I have a new but even more deadlierer puppet as well as trusty Sooty I have now an even more frighteninging sheep glove puppet called Shagger. I mean you'll be very very afraid when you see me with my hand up a sheep's arse !!

Subject: RE: BS: Duel MCFAT - KAMPERVAN
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 07 Apr 04 - 05:30 AM

if he considers the duel to be a childrens game then our victory will be both glorious and simple

At your the Whitby leg of your previous duel, you produced a mascot. Was it a ferocious Lion or a fire-breathing dragon that would strike terror into the hearts of your opponents ? No it was a diminutive bear from an entertainment for children - called "Sooty".

Mind you, obviously Essex Girl on the left and Noreen on the right, find the bear more appealing than McFat !