BS: Silly rhymes anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 06:29 PM

Micca: Aliter:

I'm as cool as the tip of an Eskimo's tool,
I'm as cool as a fish in a frozen pool,
Cool as a pane of frosty glass,
Cool as the fringe round a polar bear's ass.
Cool.

Highly topical, in that the Canadians are about to send New England another of those air masses.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 12:09 PM

IF you are too lazy busy to read the entire thread, just hit "ctrl F" and enter a key word from your intended post, then go F3,F3,F3 to see if it has already been posted. Some of these items have been posted 3-4 times already.

(and I DO wonder why 'silly' to some means only naughty...)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 05:39 AM

My uncle Jack sat in the dock,
Picking his nose like fury,
Rolling it up in little balls,
And flicking it at the jury.

amen, Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 19 Jan 11 - 01:33 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
he rolled it into little balls
and threw it at his Dad.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 10:05 PM

One I remember from many years ago (when I was at sea) If some one came in to the mess room after being on deck and said
" Its cold"
the deck crew would recite, in chorus, with suitable solemnity
" As cold as a frog in an ice-bound pool
as cold as the tip of an Eskimos tool
as cold as Charity, and thats Fuckin chilly
but it isn't as cold as our little Willie
'cos he's dead
Poor Bastard!"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 09:03 AM

I never understood this one (below).
Now why in the world would anyone want
to bite such a lovely thing, a bird?

""The best thing I ever bit
The best thing it was a tit""

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,SunnyVW
Date: 18 Jan 11 - 03:41 AM

My dad was taught this in a 1950s Latin class...

Fatima satima
On the deskalorum
Deskibus collapsibus
Fatty on the floorum

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM

Little Boy Blue, come blow up your horn -
The sheeps in the meadow, the cows in the corn.
Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep ?
He's under the haystack shagging BoPeep.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:11 AM

Maybe here before, but:


Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And said, "what's in the bowl bitch"?

An interesting site location:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nursery_Rhymes

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 08:21 AM

Jack and Jill went up the hill.
To fetch a pail of water,
Jill came down with half a crown,
But not for carrying water.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 07:05 AM

When I was a teenager, I worked for a summer on a construction site.
Humour was everywhere, though some was not that funny, and at times more crude than funny. Most were not remembered

Sometimes the humour made no sense at all. I recall one senseless rhyme I heard recited by a male worker walking by that I never forgotm for some odd reason: (maybe it was the humourous thought of guys making a jingling sound as they walked by):

"The hair grew so thick
between my ***hole and +++ck
that my balls wouldn't jingle nomore"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 05:10 AM

little boy blew, he needed the money

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,laurence garnier
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 05:05 AM

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often


Georgie porgie pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he is gay

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:45 AM

"O civile si ergo!
Fortibus es in ero.
O nobili demis trux.
Watis inem? Causand dux."


and 200

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:43 AM

..and from MY younger days.

"How odd of God
To choose the Jews"

"But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God,
Yet spurn the Jews."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: mousethief
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 11:12 AM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

It was not odd. The Jews chose God.

(that's how i learned it!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 10:24 AM

The one I know is,

Mary from the mountain glen,
Seduced herself with a fountain pen,
The pen it broke and the ink went wild,
She gave birth to a blue black child,

And they called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens,
They called the bastard Stephens..........
Cos that was the name of the ink, quink, quink.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 06:58 AM

I went to the pictures tomorrow
I got a front seat at the back.
A lady gave me a banana-
I ate it and gave it her back.
I went round a straight crooked corner
And saw a dead donkey alive ;
So I pulled a knife and I killed it
And that's how the dead donkey died.

In the merry month of Liverpool
In the city of July
The snow was raining heavily
And the streets were awful dry.
The elephant is a bonny bird
That flies across the sky ;
It makes its nest in rhubarb trees
And whistles like a fly.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,laurence garnier
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 05:52 AM

just a few,

Mary lived in a mountain glen
she pleasured herself with a fountain pen
the nib came off and the ink ran wild
Mary's known as the blue black child.

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white and whispy
along came foot and mouth desease
and now its black and crispy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:49 PM

IF2Q
2PUC
UCIC
AQ2P

Reminds me of the Ronnie Corbett/Barker sketch where one of them is the waiter and the other a customer in a cafe/restaurant.

(C)FUNEX
(W)SVFX
(C)FUNEM
(W)SVFM
(C)OK, MNXSOK
ONAT2!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Acorn4
Date: 21 Mar 09 - 06:31 PM

L O L O
A Q I C
I 8 2 Q
B 4 I P

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: annamill
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 09:59 PM

There was a young lady frome Nizes..
who had breasts of two different sizes..
one was small
nothing at all..
the other was LARGE
and won prizes.

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,JAB Swing Low Sweet Chariot
Date: 20 Mar 09 - 01:57 PM

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
her knickers all tattered and torn
It wasnt a spider
that sat down beside her
T'was little boy blue with his horn.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 05:39 AM

Dewey was the morning upon the First of May
and Dewey was the Admiral down in Manila Bay
and dewey were the Spaniards eyes
those orbs of black and blue
and dew we feel discouraged?
I dew not think we dew!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Nadia
Date: 18 Mar 09 - 04:14 AM

Postman Pat Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran ver his cat
All the guts were flying
Pats was really crying
PAts will never drink and drive again

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 08:33 PM

A young lady who lived near the Bosporus
Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros.
    Said she, with a shriek,
    "His horn is unique
And leaves mere men looking preposterous."

*

The unrefined and sluggish mind
Of Homo javanensis
Could only treat of things concrete
And present to the senses. -- W. V. O. Quine

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Jim Stinson
Date: 04 Feb 09 - 06:45 PM

How odd
Of God
To choose
The Jews.
--------
Not odd
Of God;
Goyim
Annoy'm.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 13 Mar 08 - 11:35 AM

Seen recently and worth passing on (Dubiously attributed to Mae West)

Dear Mr Hoare Belisha,
Your name's now as famous as mine,
If your b***s are as big a your beacons,
Come up and see me sometime!

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 09:36 PM

Ogden Nash replied to Dorothy Parker:

The girl who is bespectacled,
She may not get her necktackled,
But safety pins and bassinets
Await the girl who fascinets.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Susan
Date: 04 Mar 08 - 02:27 AM

Little Willy in his brand new sashes
Fell in the fire, and was burned to ashes
Now even though the room grows chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Willy

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 07 - 02:39 AM

Is the credit due
The beer He brew?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 03:56 PM

How odd of god to choose the jews!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 23 Dec 07 - 11:35 AM

Either Max Miller or Max Wall got chucked off BBC Radio for this:

When roses are red
They're ready for plucking
When girls are sixteen
They're ready for...Good night everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bert
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Ha ha ha
Hee hee hee
elephant's nest up a rhubarb tree
I climbed up the tree
to get the eggs
and all the yellow
ran down my legs.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Flash Company
Date: 22 Dec 07 - 11:19 AM

Consider the life of the camel,
It goes days on end without drinks,
And spends all it's life in the desert,
Attempting to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior channel,
Is blocked tight with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump of the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile!

Merry Christmas
FC

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 12:23 PM

..which reminds me of THIS one:
There's a notable clan yclept* Stein;
There's Gertrude, there's Ep, and there's Ein.
Gert's prose has no style,
Ep's statues are vile,
And nobody understands Ein.







*yclept...look it up, it's the original form of the poem.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: An Buachaill Caol Dubh
Date: 21 Dec 07 - 11:18 AM

And Henry James is incomprehensible.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 10:53 PM

According to H. L. Mencken in _A New Dictionary of Quotations_ (1942), s.v. Man and Woman, "Hogamus higamus,..." is "Anon.: Doggerel in circulation in the American colleges, c. 1895". That makes it too early for either Ogden Nash or Dorothy Parker, but William James is still conceivable.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:48 PM

OK, I figured out what I did that made the clickies not turn out clickable. Fixed it.

William James or Dorothy Parker

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:46 PM

Let's try those links again:
Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 07:44 PM

Well, "the google" tells me that this particular silly (albeit insightful?) rhyme has been variously attributed to Ogden Nash , William James , and (most often, in recent years) Dorothy Parker

This latter source also cites a reply, allegedly from Theodore Roosevelt:
"I'd prefer a polygamist who does not polyg to a monogamist who does not monog."

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 05:10 PM

(I think the exact quote is:

Hogamus, higamus,
Men are polygamous.
Higamus, hogamous,
Woman monogamous.

supposedly, some famous writer woke up in the middle of the night with this inspired bit of wisdom, and scribbled it down...and that is what they found in the morning.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 04:30 PM

Well, it's more blank verse than rhyme, but here's a little ditty that popped into my erstwhile-philosophy-major head one day:

Well, Friedrich Nietszche,* but Emmanuel Kant.
You once had high ideals, but Jeremy Bentham.**
Yeah, Friedrich Nietszche, but Emmanuel Kant,
'Cause he's an old Whitehead with a partial Plato.***


I think this qualifies as silly.






*"needs ya"
* "bent them"
***"plate - o"

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Folkiedave
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:22 PM

Try googling for the Doctor's Lament!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: GUEST,Ashamed to remember
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 02:39 PM

The portions of the female which appeal to men's depravity
Are fashioned with extraordinary care
And what at first appears to be a simple little cavity
Is really an elaborate affair;
There's the vulva, the vagina, and then the perineum,
There's the hymen, that is often found in brides,
There's the cervix and ????, you'd love them if you'd see them,
And heaven knows what else there is besides;
Is it not a pity then, that when we common people chatter
Of all the mysteries of which we've heard,
That they use for such a complex and ????? matter,
Such a very short and vulgar little word?

Supposedly written by some politician (?Balfour) during a debate in Hose of Commons about a century ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:10 AM

From Dorothy Parker (IIRC):

Higamus pigamus,*
Man is polygamous.
Hogamus, pogamous,
Woman monogamous.



*Not sure I spelled "higamus" (or some of these other words) correctly. Haven't found them in the dictionary to check yet. *g*

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 07 - 03:06 AM

Madam,
I'm Adam.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 07:34 PM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
Eating peanuts by the peck.
The flames rose up and burned his chin,
But still he poked the peanuts in.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: topical tom
Date: 19 Dec 07 - 05:28 PM

The cow is of the bovine ilk.
   One end is moo, the other milk.

                   ...Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Cliff
Date: 18 Dec 07 - 09:40 PM

This is an amazing thread! The only one I can think of tonight that hasn't already been quoted is:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket.
The ball went up his trouser leg
and stumped his middle wicket.

Sorry.
Cliff.