BS: Silly rhymes anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 11:45 AM

And Milligan again

My name is Fred Fernackapan
I walk around the town
Sometimes with my trousers up
And sometimes with them down
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only halfway up
I was arrested

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 08:52 AM

The peerless Milligan again.

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain comes in
But the holes are small
That's why rain's thin.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 08:09 AM

a dirhinous camel in Muharbia manic
with a woman was wandering in predictable panic
she was writing athesis on chamelon's cholic
but the ship of the desert was a sly alcoholic
He sucked Hashimayu to riddle his brains
and passed out beneath her berating the rains.
She needed some transport and went up Azrafa
she got it with minties and a sticky red jaffa
she rode past a minister with her bouncing giraffe
her nostrils were sinister and her comments a gaffe
"You meander steatopygously whither and thither
on a creature that elongates and undulates hither,
this life in the desert is a runcible rort
but the locals could tsujigirl such a cerebral sort"
He gazed at chameleons as she gave them quick-eze
in a slithered surrender he fell to his knees
with a barrage of groans about picking a box
he became Zoanthropic and dived for her socks
and rolling his eyeballs he coiled round her waisr
"You'll never thelypthorise me" she snapped with distate,
"You're a politician, not a lizard, go and write a new book"
she shuddered and ran as his tongue went kershlook
she anavanjeared him before he could leap
her aim was as sharp as his fervour was deep
the sounds of the desert blow in timeless ballet
O'er the skeletal charade of his shameless delay
She smiled as she gathered the scattered quick-eze
and road the giraffe with perambular ease
into the sunset and its apricot tones
never thinking to look back at poor Barry Jones...

ps

these strange words are all real and have meanings. a prize to anyone who can give all the meanings correctly.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 07:02 AM

When Lady Penelope swoons
Her bosoms pop out like balloons
Her butler stands by
With a gleam in his eye
Then pops them back in with warm spoons!

Kenny Everett

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:10 PM

The bustard's a fortuitous fowl,
Who has but small reason to growl.
   He avoids illigitemacy
    By the simple expediency
    Of the use of an alternate vowel.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:55 AM

Alouette,
Everything's a-wet-a,
Alouette,
Someone grab a towel!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His arsehole to the mast,
He didn't dare to budge an inch,
Till Oscar Wilde had passed.

But Oscar was a wily sod.
He threw the lad a fritter,
When he bent down to pick it up,
WHAM, six inch up his shitter.

But our lad knew a thing or two,
He too had been to school,
He did a double summersault,
And broke poo Oscars tool


eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:19 AM

Last Night I held a little hand
so dainty and so neat
I thought my heart would burst
so wildly did it beat
no other hand unto my heart
could such gladness bring
for the hand I held last night was
Four Aces and a King!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 08:11 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
Wishing he'd never been born.
His mother said "You wouldn't have
If the rubber hadn't torn"

Late last night I killed my wife.
Laid her on the parquet flooring.
I was loath to take her life
But I HAD to stop her snoring!

I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 07:56 AM

Mama's on the bottom, Daddy's on the top
Baby's in the attic filling rubbers with snot

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 07:51 AM

'Twixt the coastline and the border lay the town of Grog-an'-Grumble
In the days before the bushman was a dull 'n' heartless drudge,
An' they say the local meeting was a drunken rough-and-tumble,
Which was ended pretty often by an inquest on the judge.
An' 'tis said the city talent very often caught a tartar
In the Grog-an'-Grumble sportsman, 'n' returned with broken heads,
For the fortune, life, and safety of the Grog-an'-Grumble starter
Mostly hung upon the finish of the local thoroughbreds.

The Grog-an'Grumble Steeplechase

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 06:15 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck
His arse against the mast
He swore he would not move an inch
Till Montagu had passed
But Monty was a crafty man
He threw the boy a lighter
And as he bent to pick it up
He stuck it up his ******

This disgusting fragment has been around for over 50 years and the Montagu referred to was the then Lord Montagu who in 1954 was convicted along with at least 2 others of having homosexual relations with a young lad in an outbuilding on the family estate.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 05:10 AM

As I woke one morning, when all sweet things are born,
A robin perched upon my sill,
To signal the coming morn,
He was so sweet and gentle and softly did he sing,
Sweet thoughts of love and happiness into my heart did spring,
He sang his song so gently....then as he paused a lull,
I quickly closed the window, and crushed his fucking skull.

eric

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Ooh-Aah2
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:50 AM

Two real classics from Spike Milligan:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled
Twit.

I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and the sky
I left my shoes and socks down there, I wonder if they're dry?

And another;

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her Irish stew
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And so she ate him up too.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:49 AM

It was on the bridge at midnight,
Throwing snowballs at the moon.
She said "Sir I never did it",
But she spoke a bit too soon.

same chorus as above.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 12:20 AM

Standing on a bridge at midnight
Squeezing blackheads from her crotch
She said, "Jack I've never had it"
I said, "No, not fucking much!"

It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
While the rich gets all the pleasure
Now ain't that a fucking shame?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: emjay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM

Little Willie killed his sister
She was dead before we missed her
Willie's always up to tricks
Ain't he cute? He's only six.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:41 PM

Ogden Nash also once rhymed "Junior" with "Pennsylvunia". He is responsible for the marvelous couplet

Therefore man fills himself with joie de vivre
And goes out to celebrate New Year's Ivre.

Another pointedly bad rhyme, this time by Anon.:

The youth who attend picture palaces
Have no use for psycholanalysis.
Altho Dr Freud
Is distinctly annoyed,
They cling to their long-standing fallacies.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:06 PM

When the weather's hot and sticky,
That's no time for dunkin' dickey;
When the frost is on the punkin,
That's the time for dickey dunkin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: mack/misophist
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:52 PM

The best silly rhyme I know of was written by John Bellairs.

Higgelty piggelty
John Cantacuzene
Swaddled in Byzantine
Pearl seeded robes,
Put out the eyes
Of his iconophical
Prelate, for piercing
His priestly ear lobes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:48 PM

To the tune of "Doh, A Deer" from The Sound Of Music

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer
Re - my mate who buys me beer
Me - a bloke I buy beer for
Fa - my beer is far from me
So - I'll have another beer
La - la la la la la la
Te - no thanks, I'll have a beer
All of which brings us back to

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer etc etc. You get the idea

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:40 PM

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "Yuck!"

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
My husband will be home in five minutes!

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his girlfriend Mary.
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
and said, "Where the hell is your cherry?!"

S

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 12:03 PM

The salvation Army free from sin
Went to heaven in a corned beef tin
The corned beef tin began to smell
And the Salvation Army went to...
Helensburgh castle stands upon a rock
And if you want to pass it you've got to show your....
Cocktail Ginger ale, half a pint of water, stick it up your...
Ask no questions I'll tell no lies
Shut you mouth, and you'll catch no flies.

There was an old farmer who sat on a rock
Teaching his children to play with their....
Kites and their marbles in bold days of yore
When along came a maiden who looked like a ....
Pretty young maiden with feet like a duck
Who said she'd invented a new way to ....
Educate her children to read and to write
While the boys in the farmyard were shovelling some ...
Dirt and some rubbish to put on the fire
While the dirty old farmer was pulling his...
Horse from the stable to go to the hunt
And the lady of the manor was powdering her...
Nose from the vanity box
To prevent her from catching a fresh dose of ....
Gout or lumbago

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:12 AM

Mary had a little lamb,
Was always full of frollicks.
She threw it high into the air,
And caught it before it could hit the ground.(couldn't think of a rhyme!)
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts went flying
Postman Pat was crying
Never seen a cat as flat as that!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From:
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

Mary had a little lamb
she tied to a pylon
10 thousand volts went up its bum
And turned it into nylon

Subject: Lyr Add: I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE (Tom Lehrer)
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:44 AM

I'll hold your hand in mine dear,
I'll press it to my lips
And take a healthy bite from
Your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here,
But still I have your hand as
A precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie

I'm sorry now I killed you
Our love was something fine
And 'till they come to get me
I will hold your hand in mine

Tom Lehrer

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:15 AM

La Table Ronde

Chevaliers de la table ronde
Goutons voir si le vin est bon
Rpt
Cho.
Goutons voir oui oui oui
Goutons voir non non non
Goutons voir si le vin est bon

S'il est bon s'il est agreable
J'en boirai jusqu'a mon plaisir
Etc.

Si je meurs je veux qu'on me'enterre
Dans un cave ou y a du bon vin
Etc

Les deux pieds contre la muraille
Et la tet' sous le robinet
Etc

Sur ma tombe je veux qu'on inscrive
Ici Git le Roi de Buveurs
Etc

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:53 AM

I have no pain, dear Mother, now
But Oh, I am so dry.
Connect me to a brewery
And leave me there to die.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:06 AM

danke, MBSlynne und wilfried.

Ft, yes, i think i might be australian..

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
she tried to catch and pluck it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:01 AM

It mentions Rodney Rude - must be Australian!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The rooster used to [usta] chase it round and round the henhouse, but never caught it cause that little red hen was just far too quick for him...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:59 AM

me like it too, freda wardsworth!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:48 AM

'fraid so, db, 'fraid so. but glad you liked it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:13 AM

Freda, I just fell of my chair laughing at that! Where on earth did you get it? Is it your own?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:02 AM

i wandered lonely, drunk and proud
all floating by on valium pills
when all at once i thought out loud
and told the priest he made me ill.
besides that mate
beneath my knees
your frantic fumblings smell of cheese..

incontinent as his startled mind
that pickled up my silky stays
he retched in never ending whine
inciting me to drink and pay.
Ten thousand downed I at a glance
tossing the glasses at his pants.

he buckled over, screamed hooray
i tipped the oily knave in ghee
he said, "no thanks, I'm really gay"
and offered me a cup of tea.
My eyes were glazed, my mind distraught
for Brother Kev was such a sort.

Now oft, when in the vault I lie
in vacant or offensive mood
I know that brother Kev's a spy
for the Mafia or Rodney Rude
and then my heart with pleasure fills
and sublimates the daffy pills..

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 06:46 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone
But as she bent over, up jumped old Rover
And slipped her a bone of his own.

!from an eight year old boy that I teach!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:43 AM

Mary had a little pig
It wouldn't stop it's gruntin'
So she took it down the garden path
And kicked it's little **** in.

Mary had a little watch
She swallowed it one day
Now she's taking Epsom Salts
To pass the time away

Pease pudding hot
Pease pudding cold
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old
(Old skipping rhym)

Mary had a little bear
She fed it bacon rind
And everywhere that Mary went
You saw her bear behind.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:24 AM

When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley
I rub my bum, then I come, home to you
You've been rubbing your bum too
`Cause your fingers smell like poo
When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:17 AM

Mary had a little lamb
It was delicious...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:12 AM

Remember M
Remember E
Put them together and remember ME.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:59 AM

Roses are red
Violets are grey
No they are not!
Still, ne' mind, eh!

----------------

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her ....

------------------

This one's from the Brett Marvin and the Thunderbolts LP from way back...
(Jim who recited it now plays in a ceilidh band in Sussex)

I grow whiskers on my chin
I grow them on my chest
I grow them on my knees and legs
But the ones I like the best
Grow wild all up and down my back
And poke out through my vest
My Mummy says that lots of hair will keep out all the cold
But still, I'm quite a pretty girl, I'm nearly 12 years old.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:54 AM

I like the Ogden Nash one

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.

or

Rule the tanner, two tanners make a bob
King George never, never, never shaved his.....

(Tanner = sixpenny piece)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:45 AM

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The bulldog tried.........

A flea met a fly in a flu
Said the flea "Let us fly!"
Said the fly "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flu.

The one 'L' lama he's a priest
The two 'L' llama he's a beast
And I will bet a silk pyjama
There isn't any three 'L' lllama!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:26 AM

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was black as soot,
And into Mary's bread and jam,
Its sooty foot it put.

(The last line can be a tongue tangler at speed)...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 10:41 PM

Well, I think the silliest ones are the type that have the outer spinner thingie that keeps going 'round after you stop, providing the optical illusion that the car is still moving.

Errr... You did say "silly rims" didn't you?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Mary Had a little lamb and then a little beef
she then consumed some coleslaw with some chilliies underneath
and then some bread and butter and some pork chops served with thyme
How strange to find such a greedy girl in an English Nursery Rhyme!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 08:00 PM

Mary had a little lamb
and the midwife fainted.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 07:34 PM

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now she takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
Ans she took some Castor Oil
To pass the time away...
But the time it would not pass-
Now if you want to know the time,
Look up Mary's






......uncle...he has a Grandfather's Clock.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:45 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
His fleece was black as soot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
His sooty foot he put.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:26 PM

Flea.
Plea.