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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Dave Hanson Date: 13 May 23 - 02:57 AM There was a young goucho called Bruno, Who said shagging is one thing I do know, A woman is fine, A sheep is devine, But a Llama is numero uno. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Bill D Date: 12 May 23 - 12:02 PM Refer to part 2 for my I admit to being a genuine "purist snob" about limericks, which means being appalled by poorly remembered classics and bad meter in many others..not that my narrow views will make any difference. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,RJM Date: 12 May 23 - 03:13 AM very good, Jon |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Jon Bartlett Date: 12 May 23 - 01:27 AM My three favourites: I sat next to the Duchess at tea And she said, "Do you fart when you pee?" I replied, with some wit, "Do you belch when you shit?" And thought it was one up to me. There was a young lawyer named Rex Who had a small organ of sex. When arraigned for exposure, He said, with composure, "De minimus non curat lex." (The law does not concern itself with small things) There was a young man from Cape Horn Who wished that he'd never been born And he wouldn't have been, If his father had seen That the end of the rubber was torn. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Steve Shaw Date: 10 May 23 - 07:54 PM There was a young lady called Dinah With a music box in her vagina All the boys they had larks To the sweet sound of Bach's Toccata and fugue in D minor A lovely young girl in Australia Painted her arse with a dahlia The colours were fine As was the design The aroma, alas, was a failure |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Steve Shaw Date: 10 May 23 - 07:49 PM There was a young lady from Exeter So fit that the boys craned their necks at 'er And one was so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at 'er |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 10 May 23 - 06:06 PM Now everyone likes a butch guy. That's a fact that we cannot deny, But between butch and bitch Is such a small switch -- Just the difference between U and I! |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Georgiansilver Date: 10 May 23 - 01:11 PM There was a young man from Hunts, Who stood on the bridge at Buckingham. Watching the stunts, of the c.... in the punts and the tricks of the p..... that were f...ing'em. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Limerick Laureat Date: 10 May 23 - 10:21 AM The dirty old bishop of Birmingham Used to bugger young boys while confirming 'em. As they knelt at the rail He'd out with his flail And pump his episcopal sperm in'em. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 09 May 13 - 10:25 PM There was once a young lady of Harrison, Who longed for the love of a Saracen, But she had to confine her Intent to a Shriner, Who suffers, I fear, by comparison. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Jebas Date: 09 May 13 - 04:10 PM There was once a man named Dave That kept a dead whore in a cave She lasted a week Then she started to reek But look at the money he saved |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Gda Music Date: 05 Jan 13 - 06:11 PM There was a young man from The Clyde Who fell down a toilet and died And he had a brother who fell down an other And now they`re interered side by side GJ |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Allen in Oz Date: 05 Jan 13 - 04:25 PM A mathematician named Hall Had a hexahedronical ball And the cube of its weight Times his penis plus eight Is his phone number..give him a call ! There was a young girl from Darjeeling Who danced with plenty of feeling Not a voice, not a word Not a sound could be heard But the fly buttons hitting the ceiling A Pansy who lived in Khartoum took a Lesbian up to his room And they argued a lot About who would do what And just with what , and to whom AD |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST Date: 05 Jan 13 - 09:04 AM There was an old poet from Crewe Whose limericks stopped at line two. (and that's all folks... Chrs Muriel) |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 23 Oct 12 - 03:59 PM A young lady who lived near the Bosporus Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros. Said she, with a shriek, "His horn is unique And leaves mere men merely preposterous." |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Leonard Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:21 AM At the Tabard, said Harry, one day, In a friendly and jocular way, We're in no hurry to reach Canterbury, So let's have some tales on the way . . . The halls of your balls Have some very strange walls, As Sertoli found out, None too soon, So if one should ask, The distance is vas, When you go from 'tocyte To 'tozoon . . . |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Leonard Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:17 AM A horny old trout, name of Blue, Went to his girl friend to woo . . . She egged in the silt, He squirted his milt, Then asked, was it good for you, too ? ? |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Chris Date: 25 Jun 12 - 08:47 AM The wife of a sprinter named Rinde suggested an act much maligned: I'll back up to your dong and you'll see before long that you've managed to come from behind! |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: BanjoRay Date: 23 Aug 11 - 09:22 AM There was a young lady called Alice Who shat in the Vatican palace It wasn't the need That promped the deed But sheer bloody Protestant malice and by a friend of mine: There was a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in a lake A man in a punt Stuck his pole in her ear And said you can't swim here it's private |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Joe_F Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:36 PM Dick G.: The Harrison one is by Ogden Nash. He also wrote There once was a belle of old Natchez, Whose garments were always in patches. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, "Where Ah itches, Ah scratches." |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: MGM·Lion Date: 22 Aug 11 - 12:07 AM On the breasts of a barmaid from Sale Were tattooed the prices of ale And on her behind For the use of the blind Was the same information in braille |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: dick greenhaus Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:03 PM And one of the few non-bawdy (but good)ones A vaporish lady from Harrison Once pined for the love of a Saracen But she had to confine her Intent to a Shriner Who suffered, I fear, by comparison |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: Midchuck Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:47 PM A gay Irish priest in New Delhi Had the Lord's Prayer tattooed on his belly. By the time that a Brahmin Got down to the "Amen," He'd blown both salvation and Kelly. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1] From: GUEST,Thomas Xavier O'Toole Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:25 PM A carpenter named Paddy Ridge Buggered natives right under the bridge They hollered "Oh Paddy, For sure you're my Daddy!" And later wound up in his fridge. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Bentley Date: 03 May 11 - 05:03 PM Now that Osama is dead Obama let it go his head Whilst addressing the nation He gave a quotation But it was the menu he read. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: josepp Date: 03 May 11 - 02:30 PM Learned this one in nuclear power school: There once was nukey named Slim Who took his rod out for a shim But his fluorescent sperm Made ladies squirm So no nooky for the nukey named Slim |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST Date: 02 May 11 - 05:10 PM There once was a man named Muldoon Whose farts could be heard on the moon when you'd least expect'em they'd roll out his rectum like a southeasterly typhoon. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 28 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM There was once a young fellow named Rand Who sat seeing the sights in the sand. "My problem," said he, Is as hard as can be, But I think I can take it in hand." |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,EnkiduP Date: 28 Jan 11 - 05:26 PM There was a youn girl from St. Kitts, Who told her boy friend "Don't tickle my tits, You can tickle my crutch, I like thate very much, but elsewhere just gives me the shits!" |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,dan the man Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:00 PM There once was a lady from Starkey She had an affair with a darky The results of her sins where quadruplets not twins one light on dark and two kacky. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: kendall Date: 07 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM Ok, I've resisted long enough A mathematician named Hall had a hexihydronical ball; The cube of its weight, plus his pecker, times eight Was four fifths of five eights of fuck all. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 07 Dec 10 - 03:08 AM Maybe the Dons have buggered them all. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: MGM·Lion Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:36 PM Well then, you were unlucky, Joe. It is a river college, and swans are frequent there beneath its two bridges. I still live near Cambridge and am frequently around there. ~Michael~ |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM What's more, I visited St John's, as a tourist, ca. 1959, and saw no sign of any swans. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: MGM·Lion Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM Really, now, Dave? And Baring-Gould a Cambridge man at that! Well, well: just shows you can never trust anybody! |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:15 AM It's straight from W S Baring-Gould's ' The Lure Of The Limerick ' so it's his fault. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: MGM·Lion Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:53 AM Dave: Cambridge colleges, like [St] John's, have 'porters', who are based in the gate-lodge and regularly patrol the college grounds. They are not 'hall porters', who belong in hotels. That line would better read "Along came the porter", I think. ~M~ |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:16 AM There was a young student of Johns, Who determined to bugger the swans, But the loyal hall porter, Said, Sir take my daughter, The swans is reserved for the Dons. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: SRD Date: 05 Dec 10 - 04:59 PM Thanks to Blossom for: There was a young man from Coombe-Martin, Who had an immaculate partin', He said that the knack, Was to stand back to back, With an elephant just as it's close enough to be effective but not too close for comfort ... |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,Anil Srivastava Date: 05 Dec 10 - 12:26 PM There was this sweet, innocent, young Croat, God blessed her with a tight and juicy twat; Which her boyfriend tried to enter, But failed, though he bent her, He now prefers diddling the cat. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,Mike A Date: 26 Jun 10 - 06:42 PM There was a young lady of Ealing Whose lover before her was kneeling. She said "Dearest Jim, take your hand off my quim - I much prefer fucking to feeling." |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST Date: 26 Jun 10 - 06:09 PM There was an old man of Nantucket Who kept horse manure in a bucket On the roof of his shed, And when it fell on his head, It is said he exclaimed "Oh dearie me!" There was a young lad of Devizes Whose balls were of two different sizes. The ball that was small was of no use at all But the big one won quite a few prizes. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: GUEST,Luke Date: 20 May 10 - 01:34 PM Twisted morals, who he?! He's a model Christian, you see, Sunday's for praying, With a Whore He's never laying, He just occasionally drinks his own wee. Luke |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 20 Apr 10 - 03:02 AM There once was a young girl called Jeannie, Whose dad was a terrible meanie, He fashioned a latch, And a hatch for her snatch, She could only be had by Houdini. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 19 Apr 10 - 08:15 PM There once was a Bey of Algiers Who said to his harem, "My dears, Though you may think it odd o' me, I'm giving up sodomy. Tonight's for you ladies!" (_Loud cheers._) |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 19 Apr 10 - 03:24 AM There was a young student called Johns, Who wanted to bugger the swans, But the loyal hall porter, Said ' sir take my daughter ' The swans is reserved for the Dons. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 18 Apr 10 - 09:03 PM A young lady who lived in Connecticut Once flagged down a train with her petticoat, Which her husband opined Showed presence of mind, But deplorable absence of etiquette. |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 18 Apr 10 - 04:47 AM While Titian was mixing rose madder, His model reclined on a ladder, The position to Titian, Suggested coition, So he jumped on the ladder and 'ad her. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Joe_F Date: 17 Apr 10 - 06:32 PM To his girl said the sharp-eyed detective: "Can it be that my eyesight's defective? Has your west tit the least bit The best of your east tit, Or is it a fault of perspective?" |
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks From: Dave Hanson Date: 17 Apr 10 - 02:04 AM A bobby from Nottingham Junction, Whose organ had long ceased to function. Decieved his good wife, For the rest of her life, With the aid of his constable's truncheon. Dave H |
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