BS: When did you loose your virginity?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 02:39 PM

Brucie:

I have known a couple of ladies similar to the cats described above, and all I can say is I would take a pass if i were you...the initial outlay may be cheap but the repairts are horrendous.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 02:34 PM

brucie, I have a couple of cats you may be interested in..

my old cat Baxter (15, scrawny, cranky, and three legged, has been known to hiss when feeling grumpy)

and socksy - feral, beats up other cats, lives in our back yard, has never let a human come near it, apart from dropping off the food, totally self interested..

..

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:50 PM

Who's Fibs?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:31 PM

If I weren't a gentleman Fibs, I'd remind you of your little new year 'mistake'!
John

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:19 PM

ROFL Fibs! You shouldn't be trying to fool yourself... ;)

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:19 PM

That's right Billy Bob. She ain't good enuf fer her own family, she ain't good enuf fer me.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Hillbilly Bob
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:17 PM

Ah likes to keep mah sisters for mahselves.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: kendall
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:12 PM

Ellenpoly, don't forget, some of us don't STAY on the far side of the Atlantic!

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:04 PM

Martin Gibson: I AM CANADIAN. BEAVER IS OUR NATIONAL ANIMAL. GOD, I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 01:01 PM

Ellen:

You're the one who introduced complex co-dependent variables into the equation!! I was suggesting a fixed-fee provider!! SImplifies the book keeping, and no residuals!

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:56 PM

This thread has turned into a fever for beaver.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:52 PM

Ah, Amos, for you...a lot more for giving me a headache (as in, "not tonight,dear") reading your post..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:47 PM

There's some complex math there -- when the proximity goes negative the price stabilizes at its last agreed point (since negotiation is moot at that point) but at all incrememnts of distance down to zero the price goes up proportionally to the inverse of distance times the inverse of the affinity factor. Bat your eyes and the price goes down. Up to a point, anyway... :>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:43 PM

Remember that bestiality killed the cat.

Also remember that cats have very sharp claws.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:37 PM

But you don't understand, my dear, the only way I could possibly post such nonsense it in the safe knowledge that most of you are on the other side of the world..xx..e
(PS-Anyway, my prices go up if the proximity is any closer.)

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:36 PM

pedantic point: Mary herself was the immaculate conception, not Jesus.

And that's all I'm saying on this thread - my ma reads these threads and I would hate her to think I'm anything other than pure as the driven snow...
In fact, I'm quite sure I don't know what you're all talking about...

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:31 PM

We need to create a folk music dating service.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:25 PM

Blackcatter, of course you're right, the feminists in the world might take a dim view of my offering up other catter's wimmin, but then again, being a feminist myself, I thought my suggestion was an enlightened one...providing one of you had your sister's agreement, were not planning on cutting them out of the $5,000, and were ready to admit that the only thing holding you back from telling them that brucie loved cats was jealousy over his 9 inch tongue.

Oh, and um, brucie...for YOU, I'd make it $4,999..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:16 PM

LOL you guys. About the hamburger . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:15 PM

The perfect lady's man: A man with a nine inch tonuge who can breathe through his ears.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:12 PM

Ellenpoly,

Do you seriously believe that after 4 decades of Feminism that any of the thoughtful, sensitive, woman-affirming men here at the Mudcat would even think of offering the women in their lives for sex?

Where's the Mudcat women (other than your kind offer - and hell, I'm looking into raising $5,000 for myself)?

Brucie - check out local AA meetings. There's something that's called the 13th step you might like.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:09 PM

There's a certain low moral tone creeping into this thread, [and I like it!] Then again the title of the thread isn't exactly highbrow.
John

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:09 PM

Hey, I have a nine inch tongue and I can hold my breath for thirty-seven minutes. You guys, listen to the nice lady above.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:08 PM

BRucie:

Ya pays yore money, an' you takes yer cherce. The options so far seem to be:

1. Ellenpoly -- $5000 plus plane fare
2. Local carrier -- Hell, I don't know -- maybe $100?
3. Local DIY Remedies: Various depending on the price of Dial or hamburger. Say, $3.00?
4. Normal hetero ramp-up including dating, biting tongue, bending over backwards, pulling hair out, French kissing and eventual culmination: average $3800.

All estimates in Canadian dollars.

Price of therapy needed as sequel to various choices from above list not included.

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Bill Clinton
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:08 PM

Brucie, I FEEL your pain! In fact, I got so upset about your plight that I posted to the wrong thread a minute ago. I hope you resolve this soon.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:03 PM

Hey, brucie, don't go out on a limb for me, no matter WHAT it's width! Hang in there (or on there). There is an old saying that there is a someone for everyone...look at William Shatner.

My offer stands, but the foreign exchange rate isn't in your favour. Better try to settle this on your own turf..xx..e

(PS-Come on, guys, don't be stingy with your sisters...at least tell them that he loves cats.)

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:00 PM

Amos: Shit, I spewed my coffee. I haven't heard "get yer ashes hauled" for a number of years. Out here, it's "get yer oil changed". Good one. Still laughin' about it. The joke, not the condition.

OK, I'll bite: I too want to know what it feels like to have a stampede of swallows fly out my ass.

Where is the compassion for which the 'cat is known? Why will Little Hawk release but one doll? I'm 56. I need this resolved before I die.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 11:50 AM

If the $5000 is in American money, I will first have to visit a bank, leave the motor running, and leave real fast. While many of these ne'er-do-wells have scoffed at and made light of my pitiable condition, the satisfactory resolution of which I can but pray for, I see that one person of an interesting sex has profferred a possible solution, albeit beyond my meagre resources at present. Regarding the "it never hurts to carry a big banana" (chuckle, chuckle) from my friend in Ontario--OK, so it's only 2 3/4", but some girls would probably like it that wide. Alas, I will likely never know. Death, where is thy sting?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 04:39 AM

Here Pussy Pussy!!
John

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 04:34 AM

Hot dogs and the loss of one's virginity in the same thread must have made at least a few women squimish...

Dear brucie, the idea of sending you some kind of substitute in the form of blow-up dolls, apple pies, sheep or llamas are all very thoughtful..though I have to wonder that none of these gentlemen who profess to be your friends have offered you either a sister, cousin, friend, or mate, to help you out.

I'd certainly be there in a hot second. You need only pay my plane fare, and a bit more for my time...say $5,000 for a night of de-virgining you?

Then again, I just have to think there is a lovely Lady of the Evening just waiting around the corner of your local pub, who would do the same for considerably less.

So, these are my suggestions, and a heck of a lot more practical than what your buddies have thought to offer, if I do say so myself...

Just stay away from the cats, ok?..xx..e

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Blackcatter
Date: 26 Mar 04 - 12:53 AM

Hey Brucie, I care too~~~~~!

It's just as a black cat, I'm a little nervous around men who proclain they LOVE cats.

I've loved the conversation on this thread so far.


By the way - here's a link to my favorite toy shop.

The Blowfish


And I've already stated on another thread that I love Chicago style hotdogs!

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 11:57 PM

It never hurts ta carry a big banana under yer raincoat. Works for me. Offer 'em a slug o' whisky and some flowers, then show 'em the banana. But not too soon. A little suspense can help to set the mood.

Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 11:52 PM

LOL! Amos, I like your pernicious influence on this forum. I think we should all pitch in and see if we can solve Bruce's problem for him. Maybe I should call Shane up. He would have some handy advice, I'm sure.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 07:07 PM

Bruce:

At your age, it is probably too late -- you're gonna have to get your ashes hauled via commercial carrier, buddy.

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 06:34 PM

I gotta get new glasses! I've looked at the title of this thread several times and thought it said "Why did you lose your virginity?" Why? Because I wanted to see what it felt like to have a covey of quail fly out of my ass.

Thanks for that one, Bob.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Li'l Aussie Bleeder.
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 06:33 PM

I always say "I never lost mine, I KNOW where it went!!!"

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: ranger1
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM

Brucie, what about your coatrack? Won't it be jealous? And remember, it's ok to love your pets, but don't LOVE your pets!

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Deckman
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 06:07 PM

Little Hawk ... That surgery has been available in Japan for many years! Bob (don't ask me how I know)

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 06:05 PM

The name is Hyman, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 05:30 PM

Can a guy name Hymen ever lose his virginity?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 05:00 PM

Actually, Amos, you have stumbled onto what I believe is the truth of the matter regarding the "immaculate conception" spoken of in the Bible. Mary's virginity was not a physical matter at all, it was a spiritual condition. Besides, there is nothing non-immaculate about normal sexual conception...but what about the consciousness behind it? That is the crucial matter. One can have immaculate intentions or one can have compromised intentions, and on a spiritual level that is the vital matter, regardless of the physical circumstances.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 04:57 PM

I saw it just last week...somewhere...

Once I find it again I'm not it letting go

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 04:56 PM

With ice cream?

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 04:55 PM

I'll send you an apple pie....

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 04:52 PM

OK, nothin' personal here, but screw you guys. The only person on this thread who cares at ALL that I am still wondering about the pleasures of getting laid is Ellenpoly. Course, she wants me to have a cat, and maybe if I get real lucky a friggin' llama. So, without offending anyone, screw you so-called caring guys. Dip your own wicks, don't friggin' worry about mine. Yeah some friends.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Peace
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 04:46 PM

I'm still a virgin. Someone had it in for me.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 03:51 PM

LOL!!! This gives a whole new meaning to "virginity", a perspective from which the New Testament might be right!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 03:29 PM

It's all in the mind, Amos. The physical facts hardly matter.

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Amos
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 02:43 PM

I can see hot baths with alum salts for the lasses, LH, but how are you going to unpoke a poker? And who would be able to tell?

A

Subject: RE: BS: When did you loose your virginity?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 04 - 02:40 PM

I was thinking of starting up an Internet Company called "Virginity Restorations". For a hefty fee, you can have your virginity restored. Our motto: "Re-experience the thrill of the first time!" For an even heftier fee, you can have your virginity AGAIN restored...and AGAIN...and AGAIN...

Given the fact that some guy sold his soul (in a bottle) on Ebay once, I don't see why this cannot be done.

- LH