'Teasing' songs

Subject: 'Teasing' songs
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 30 May 00 - 08:37 AM

May of made a mess of posting this. Thanks Joe, if you have to tidy up.
The thread on improper language brought this to mind. There are many songs in which rhymning patterns etc are used to create anticipation of vulgarities, which are either averted at the last moment or at least resolve innocently. For instance:

Oh she's got a lovely country residence (twice)
She's got a lovely cunt
Got a lovely cunt
Got a lovely country residence.

Children, needless to say, think they're hilarious. Have such songs ever been collected together? I don't know if the genre is sufficiently recognised to have a name, but I thnk I've heard a couple of them called "teasing" songs. Anyone know good examples?

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Tony in Darwin
Date: 30 May 00 - 10:36 AM

"With a piss
With a piss
With a pistol on my knee,
I'll fight for the old cunt
Fight for the old cunt
Fight for the old country."

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Bert
Date: 30 May 00 - 10:42 AM

Here's one

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Sorcha
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:39 AM

Any of the "Sweet Violets" versions

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: MMario
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:41 AM

and several known as the "Clean" song...There is one about a mermaid, one about a young girl who goes for a walk in the grass...

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: DADGBE
Date: 30 May 00 - 11:42 AM

Hi Fionn,
Thare's a whole group of songs, usually in round form which appear innocuous when read but become ribald when sung in just the way you describe. They're called "catches" and were very popular with English singing clubs during eras of increased sexual repression (like the last 200 years!). Henry Purcel wrote many catches which are still widely sung.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 30 May 00 - 12:17 PM

Also if anyone can do a blicky there are fairly recent Naughty Children's Songs threads...

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Frank McGrath
Date: 30 May 00 - 06:49 PM

And of course there is the "Farmer Song" with about 20 verses or more.

"There once was a farmer who stood on a rick
Amusing the neighbours by waving his—

Hands to the farm hand Who was shovelling the mire
While the young boy in the corner Was pulling his—

Horse from the stable To follow the hunt
As the lady in her bedroom Was powdering her—

Face with the contents Of a beautiful box....etc. etc.

I have all the words somewhere if somebody needs them. That was one delightful song in which we gloried during my early youth. Oh, the thrilling naughtyness of it all...without saying one bad word.

Frank

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Pene Azul
Date: 30 May 00 - 07:20 PM

Here are "blickies" (nice term) to the threads referenced by Mrr.

Naughty kids'greatest hits

Naughty kids' greatest hits II

Great thread concept, Fionn.

PA

Subject: Lyr Add: SWEET VIOLETS^^^
From: Melbert
Date: 30 May 00 - 07:33 PM

There once was a sailor who sat on a rock,
Waving his fist and abusing his—

Neighbouring farmer, watching his ricks,
And teaching his children to play with their—

Kites and their marbles as in days of yore,
When along came a lady who looked like a—

Decent young lady but walked like a duck.
She said she was learning a new way to—

Bring up her children and teach them to knit,
While the boys in the stable were shovelling the—

Contents from the pigsty, the muck and the mire,
And the squire of the manor was pulling his—

Horse from the stable to go to the hunt.
His wife in her boudoir was powdering her—

Nose and arranging her vanity box,
And taking precautions to ward off the—

Gout and rheumatics which made her feel stiff.
Full well did she remember her last bout of—

What did you think I was going to say?
No, you rude b*gg*rs, that's all for today!

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Crazy Eddie
Date: 31 May 00 - 07:52 AM

Tony in Darwin, The verse i heard was:

Ass-hole, ass-hole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee.
Fuck you, fuck you, fo' curiosit-ee,
We'll fght for the old cunt, fight for the old cunt, fight for the old countr-ee.

Also,

Cocktail shandy, four-and-six a glass,
If you do not like it stick it up your—
Aspro, Aspro, very good for colds,
If you do noy like it shove it up your—
Holy Moses, sitting on a rock,
Along cam a blackbird, and caught him by the—
Cocktail shandy, four & six a glass....

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Wolfgang
Date: 31 May 00 - 08:06 AM

a German example:
Oh haengt ihn auf in which one understanding in the first verse is: 'Hang the laurels high to worship our sovereign' and the other 'hang him high, our sovereign'. Often used in old German political songs to tell the real thoughts without being hanged for them.

Wolfgang

Subject: Lyr Add: MISS LUCY HAD A STEAMBOAT^^
From: Pene Azul
Date: 31 May 00 - 06:56 PM

I always thought this one was cute. Couldn't remember all the lyrics, so I found em on this page.

MISS LUCY HAD A STEAMBOAT

Miss Lucy had a steamboat, The steamboat had a bell,
Miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to—

Hello operator, Give me number nine,
And if you disconnect me I will kick you in th'—

Behind the 'frigerator, There was a piece of glass.
Miss Lucy sat upon it and she broke her little—

Ask me no more questions, Tell me no more lies,
Miss Lucy's in the bathroom, Baking chocolate pies. / With forty naked guys.

She dyed her hair in purple, She dyed her hair in pink,
She dyed her hair in polka dots and washed it down the sink.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Tony in Darwin
Date: 01 Jun 00 - 06:58 AM

GUEST, Crazy Eddie

Thanks for the extended version.
And the "Cocktail shandy" ditty is a looper...love it!
It reminds me of a looper from my childhood:

Ask your mother for sixpence
To see the big giraffe
With freckles on its elbows
And pimples on its
Ask your mother for sixpence...

Cheers,

Tony

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Jacob B
Date: 01 Jun 00 - 10:11 AM

There's also Shine Your Buttons With Brasso.

And there's this one, to the tune of Ach De Lieber Augustine:

All the little angels ascend up to Heaven
All the little angels ascend up on high
Which end up?
Ascend up
Which end up?
Ascend up
All the little angels ascend up on high

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Philippa
Date: 03 Jun 00 - 05:51 PM

SHINE YOUR BUTTONS WITH BRASSO
She's got a lovely bottom...

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Pene Azul
Date: 03 Jun 00 - 05:57 PM

How about the classic "Shaving Cream"?

PA

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 03 Jun 00 - 07:47 PM

Thanks for all responses. Wonderful! A richer seam than I had realised. Should be good for street cred with the younger generation, and never a naughty word... quite.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: MarkS
Date: 03 Jun 00 - 09:28 PM

How about this. Not quite a teasing song but it might lead to an entire new thread.
She leaned back on the red hot stove
The fire was burning brisk
Wasn't she a silly fool
Her little *

I guess that is what passes for humor in Pennsylvania!

Subject: Lyr Add: LULU HAD A BABY
From: jayohjo
Date: 04 Jun 00 - 11:58 AM

A song from my mum's childhood! Slightly longer version I think, and rather more un-PC, of Crazy Eddie's offering. Hope I can work the HTML thing!


Lulu had a baby She called it Sonny Jim
She put it in a teapot To see if it could swim

It sank to the bottom It swam to the top
Lulu got excited And grabbed it by its—

Cocktail cocktail Two-and-six a glass
If you do not like it Stick it up your—

Hold on tight The bus is going fast
If you do not like it Stick it up your—

Ask no questions Tell no lies
Have you ever seen a Chinaman Doing up his—

Flies are a nuisance Bugs are worse
And this is the end Of my dirty Chinese verse.

jayohjo XX

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Jun 00 - 01:55 AM

The one I remember from childhood is slightly differrent to the one Tony from Darwin remembers -
Ask your mother for sixpence
To see the big giraffe
He puts his head between his legs
And whistles up his
Ask your mother for sixpence.......
etc - what a fun thread this is.... Jennie G

Subject: Lyr Add: SWEET VIOLETS
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 05 Jun 00 - 03:54 AM

This is a different and more coherent (?) version to the three under this title in the DT.

My father told me this song was popular in the Royal Air Force in W.W.II but internal evidence suggests it belongs to an earlier generation before mains sewage when honey waggons came round to collect the contents of earth closets by men using buckets rather than machines with suction hoses as on septic tanks nowadays. I learned it from my father and grandfather when we went fishing at Minworth outside Birmingham where there was a large sewage works and the local pub, whatever the brewery called it, was known as "The Muckman". That would be a better title for the song as it might otherwise get into the flower category. I assume the tune is a Victorian parlour song about real violets. (?) The "ee" in sweet is drawn out.

SWEET VIOLETS

They say that your father's a muckman
He works in the middens all night
And when he comes home in the morning
He's covered all over in—

CHORUS: Sweet Violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to foot
In sweet violets.

He never comes home until breakfast
And there on the wall he would sit
Have four or five mouthfuls of breakfast
And five or six mouthfuls of— CHORUS

They say that he's kind to his children
To please him they try all their might
And when he's dead, they will bury him
In five or six acres of— CHORUS

(May be other verses I've forgotten)
RtS

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Trevor
Date: 05 Jun 00 - 06:35 AM

How about the Fred Wedlock song 'The Handier Hosehold Help'? 'You can stick it down the toilet, you can bung it on the walls; It comes in half-pint cannisters for spreading on your bannisters.....'

'It will insulate your kitchen if you spread it nice and thick; It will gant your fondest wishes and get eggstains off your dishes....' and so on.

He also sings the song about the vicar who finds a frog which turns into a choirboy - the last line makes it a 'teasing' song I reckon. Does anybody have all the words?

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Brendy
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 01:20 AM

The Ball of Kirriemuir

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Brendy
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 01:27 AM

Rugby Songs

Subject: Lyr Add: THE VICAR AND THE FROG (Fred Wedlock)
From: Tony in Darwin
Date: 06 Jun 00 - 07:21 AM

G'day Trevor


THE VICAR AND THE FROG
As recorded by Fred Wedlock on "The Folker and Frollicks" (1966)

There once was a very, very holy vicar
Was a-walking along the street one day,
When he heard a little voice say: "Excuse me, vicar.
Help me, vicar!" the voice did say.
And the vicar looked around, and all he could see
Was a tiny frog sitting on the ground.
"My dear little froggy, did you speak to me?
Was it you who spoke when I heard that sound?"

"Oh, yes," said the frog. "Oh, help me, vicar!
I'm really not a frog, you see.
I'm a choir-boy, really, but a wicked fairy
Cast a nasty spell on me;
And the only way I can be saved
From that evil spell," the little frog said,
"Is for someone to take me and put me in a place
Where a holy man has laid his head."

So the vicar took him home and put him on his pillow,
And there he laid till the break of day,
And the very next morning, a blessed miracle!
The spell was broken, I'm glad to say.
And there was a choir-boy in bed with the vicar,
And I hope you'll think this all makes sense,
For there, my Lord and members of the jury,
Rests the case for the defence.


Cheers,
Tony

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,bizzle
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 08:12 PM

The way i remember it going...

Further up the mountain greener grows the grass, Down came a polar bear sliding on its...

Ask your mother sor six pence to see the tall giraffe with pimples on it's hind legs and pimples on it's...

Ask your mother etc etc

If anyone can remember this in full i would appreciate it

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Young Buchan
Date: 20 Nov 09 - 06:05 AM

A bizarre modern example from a political song For All The Trots:
The situation now is very glum.
The revolution it will never come
Till we have stuck an ice pick in the - head
Of Gerry Healy, of Gerry Healy

I remember the late great Gordon Hall used to sing a version of the Quartermaster's Stores in which having gone through the food he would sing verses about soldiers there, 'There was Brown, Brown with his knackers hanging down' etc. He would then suddenly say 'My name's Hunt - and I'm going home!'

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 20 Nov 09 - 05:36 PM

There's an article in the Dungheap section on the Mustrad website on some rather older teasing songs.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 07:32 AM

Don't forget the verse of 'Cosher Bailey's Engine' which always goes down the best: the one about

Cosher's cousin Willy
Who played soccer for Caerphilly,
When he started playing rugger
He looked such a silly billy.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:16 PM

"The Vicar and the Frog" was written by Stan Crowther. I've got Noel Murphy's version - hilarious!

Subject: Lyrics Add: Goethe war Gut!
From: Mysha
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 02:20 PM

Hi,

Rudy Carell sang a good version of Sweet Violets. It's based loosely on Sweet Violets 2 in the DT, however, the chorus has an "explanation" for the somewhat unusual structure of the text.


Goethe war gut! (Cy Coben, Charles Grean, Thomas Woitkewitsch)

Klaus-Hinrich war Bauer, kam niemals zur Ruh,
versorgte die Schweine, den Stier und die Oma,
die meinte, "Du weißt doch genau:
Ein lediger Landwirt, der braucht eine Fräse!"
Beim Dorfball sah er voller Lust
ein Mädchen mit einer phantastischen Brille.
Sie tanzten nicht eng aus dem Grund:
Er roch so nach Mist und sie roch aus dem

Goethe war gut! Mann, der konnte reimen!
Wenn ich es versuch, schwitz ich Wasser und Blut,
und ich merk jedesmal: Goethe war gut!

Sie kam aus der Stadt, und sie hatte Niveau.
Besonders gefiel ihm ihr kräftiger Hunger,
und was sie versprach, fand er nett.
Sie war bestimmt einsame Spitze im Kochen.
Er wußte zwar, was jeder weiß:
Die Ehe ist letztlich doch der größte Segen,
und sie litt an jenem Komplex:
Männer wolln immer nur eins, und zwar

Goethe war gut! Mann, der konnte reimen!
Wenn ich es versuch, schwitz ich Wasser und Blut,
und ich merk jedesmal: Goethe war gut!

Er sagte zu ihr: "Du, mein Name ist Sepp!
Ich seh zwar so aus, doch ich bin gar kein Lehrer,
bin Bauer, der heiraten muß."
Darauf gab sie ihm einen ganz heißen Kaffee,
der dünn war, doch Liebe macht blind.
Er nahm sie ins Heu, und sie kriegte einen Schnupfen;
deshalb bat er um ihre Hand,
bald kamen Babies am laufenden

Goethe war gut! Mann, der konnte reimen!
Wenn ich es versuch, schwitz ich Wasser und Blut,
und ich merk jedesmal:
[Verdammt noch mal, der Goethe war so stark.]


Carell can be heared and seen singing this song on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__pll7gNU0Q.

Bye
                                                                Mysha

Subject: Lyrics add: Vondel was goed!
From: Mysha
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 02:26 PM

Hi,

For those of you who are less than fluent in German, it might be of interest to know that Jan Boezeroen translated this version to Dutch:


Vondel was goed! (Cy Coben, Charles Grean, Johnny Goverde)

Een boertje uit Brabant, die was er nooit moe
Verzorgde z'n varkens, z'n stier en z'n Oma,
die meende een man zoals jij
Die moet er maar trouwen, dat hoort er zo
's Avonds, heel laat nog, ging hij naar 't bal
En trof daar een meisje en liep in de gaten
want weet je wat zij van hem vond
Hij stonk zo naar mest en hij stonk uit z'n

Vondel was goed! Man, wat kon die rijmen!
Als ik 't probeer, merk ik iedere keer dat ik er nooit wat van
Vondel was goed!

Zij was er een deerne van tweehonderd pond
Het beste beviel hem haar lekkere eetlust,
want eten deed zij voor de pret
Maar liever had hij toch een engel in koken,
Dat kon ze, dat deed zij allang
Maar werd van de liefde en mannen zo droevig,
want zij had een heel groot complex
Kerels, die willen alleen toch maar

Vondel was goed! Man, wat kon die rijmen!
Als ik 't probeer, merk ik iedere keer dat ik er nooit wat van
Vondel was goed!

Op zekere avond, zij vonden elkaar
Zij wou eerst niet meegaan, dat vond hij wat moeilijk,
hij vroeg haar: "Wat wil jij dan doen?"
Zij gaf hem toen eerst een ontzettende koffie,
die slap was maar liefde maakt blind
Ging met hem 't hooi in en kreeg toen een kleurtje,
daarom vroeg hij toen om d'r hand
Er kwamen toen baby's aan lopende

Vondel was goed! Man, wat kon die rijmen!
Als ik 't probeer, merk ik iedere keer dat ik er nooit wat van
Vondel was goed! Man, wat kon die rijmen!
Als ik 't probeer, merk ik iedere keer dat ik er nooit wat van
Vondel was goed!


Boezeroen can be heard and seen singing this song on 123video: http://www.123video.nl/playvideos.asp?MovieID=223159.


Bye,
                                                               Mysha

Subject: Lyrics add: Shakespeare was Good!
From: Mysha
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 02:35 PM

Hi,

For those of you who are less than fluent in Dutch, it might be of interest to know that Mysha translated that version back to English:


Shakespeare was Good! (Cy Coben, Charles Grean, Mysha)

Well he was a farmer, I'll tell you this now,
He took care of his pigs and his bull and his Grandma,
Who told him, a man such as he
Ought to get married, that's how it was proper.
That evening he went to a ball
And he met a girl there, for whom he did his best
To please her, but she felt like this:
He reeked of manure, and also of

Shakespeare was good! Man, how he could rhyme them!
Each time I try, I just find that I, really can't write them like
Shakespeare was good!

This maiden was made up of all the right bits
He would just sit there and look at her appetite,
Of which she had no lack,
But he wanted a girl who was good in the kitchen,
Which she was, and had been for years,
But love and the men: They were her greatest sorrows,
For this thought would just made her sick:
That every man always thinks with his

Shakespeare was good! Man, how he could rhyme them!
Each time I try, I just find that I, really can't write them like
Shakespeare was good!

Well, these two they dated for almost a year
But it never went further, which he found a bit difficult,
Then he told her, love would be bliss
And she came up to him and they shared a hot coffee,
That was awful, but it made him wild:
He took her to a haystack and she got embarrassed
So, first they got married, the right thing to do
Got a baby each year, and some years they got

Shakespeare was good! Man, how he could rhyme them!
Each time I try, I just find that I, really can't write them like
Shakespeare was good! Man, how he could rhyme them!
Each time I try, I just find that I, really can't write them like
Shakespeare was good!


As this translation is only a few minutes old, I'm afraid I have to tell you Mysha can not be heard or seen singing it on the Internet.

Bye,
                                                                Mysha

Subject: Lyr Add: BOYS ARE CHEATS AND LIARS
From: GUEST,Nori
Date: 06 Sep 10 - 05:27 AM

Boys are cheats and liars. They're such a big disgrace.
They will tell you anything to get to second—

Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score.
If you let him go all the way, then you are a—

Horticulture studies flowers. Geologist studies rocks.
The only thing a guy wants from you is place to put his—

Cockroaches, beetles, butterflies, and bugs.
Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of—

Jugglers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck.
All guys really want to do is... forget it, no such luck.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: quokka
Date: 06 Sep 10 - 06:22 AM

Here's one from the Scared Weird Little Guys

Christmas Day

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 06 Sep 10 - 08:47 PM

The Clean Song

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Eragonmerlin
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 01:26 AM

Greetings every body :P I like this one:

Willy had a goldfish a goldfish, a goldfish, a goldfish
Willy had a goldfish a goldfish that swam.
It swam in the ocean, it swam in the sea.
It swam in the bathtub and bit off his...

Willy had a goldfish... etc etc

And another variation of the giraffe one:

Ask your mother for sixpence to see the big giraffe,
to see the pimple on his nose and the pimple on his...

Ask your mother....

Thanks all! byee!

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 04 Jun 12 - 11:32 AM

There was a young woman from Bude
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in her ear
And said - "you can't swim here its private"

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 May 13 - 01:52 PM

This is a variation on "Miss Lucy Had a Steamboat." It appears in Season 4 Episode 8 of "South Park," titled "Something You Can Do with Your Finger" (2000). I suppose it was specially written for the TV show, and therefore is not true "folklore," but it may well become folklore; a couple of kids have already made videos of themselves singing it. You can hear the South Park version at YouTube. Whoever uploaded it called it "Wendy's C**t Song," but I doubt that the South Park writers gave it an official title.


Mrs. Landers was a health nut; she cooked food in a wok.
Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, and he had a great big—

Cock-a-doodle-doodle! The rooster just won't quit,
And I don't want my breakfast, because it tastes like—

Shitzus make good house pets; they're cuddly and sweet.
Monkeys aren't good to have 'cause they like to beat their—

Meeting in the office, a meeting in the hall.
The boss he wants to see you so you can suck his—

Balzac was a writer; he lived with Alan Funt,
Mrs. Roberts didn't like him but that's 'cause she's a—

Contaminated water can really make you sick.
Your bladder gets infected and blood comes out your—

Dictate what I'm saying 'cause it will bring you luck,
And if you all don't like it, I don't give a flying f**k.

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 30 May 13 - 03:46 AM

The of course there was this one:-

Clean Rugby Songs

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 30 May 13 - 03:47 AM

Then!!

Subject: RE: 'Teasing' songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 30 May 13 - 04:56 AM

Remembered from the back seat of the school bus:-

Oh, there's a bloke named Nobby Hall, Nobby Hall
Oh, there's a bloke named Nobby Hall, Nobby Hall
Oh, there's a bloke named Nobby Hall, and he's only got one arm,
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.

Oh, they say he killed his wife, killed his wife,
Oh, they say he killed his wife, killed his wife,
Oh, they say he killed his wife, and it wasn't with a knife,
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.

Oh, the judge's name was Hunt, name was Hunt,
Oh, the judge's name was Hunt, name was Hunt,
Oh, the judge's name was Hunt and he was a silly fool,
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.

Oh, the jury were all crackers, were all crackers,
Oh, the jury were all crackers, were all crackers,
Oh, the jury were all crackers, they said "hang 'im by his neck",
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.

Oh, the parson came at last, came at last,
Oh, the parson came at last, came at last,
Oh, the parson came at last, with his prayer book up his sleeve,
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.

So they put him in a pit in a pit,
Yes, they put him in a pit, in a pit,
So they put him in a pit and they shovelled in the earth,
And the other one's 'anging on the wall.


Happy Days!