BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???

Subject: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 01:11 PM

Among the 30 or more spam emails I get every day...mostly dealing with VIAGRA, penis enlargements, mortgages, pharmaceuticals, and the usual crap like that....I am now receiving several messages a day from several different outfits trying to sell me "Replica Watches", "High quality watches", and so on...

Why????????? From whence cometh this sudden flood of ads for watches? And why to me?

I have not worn a watch or shown any interest in doing so for the last 35 years! I don't want a watch. They bug me.

Did I somehow end up on a consumer list somewhere as someone who wants a new watch? Did someone make a clerical error?

I do not get spam about Winona Ryder or wooden sailing ship replicas or fine keyboards or anything else like that that I actually DO want. It's unjust.

I want something done about it.

They can take their steenkin' watches and put them where the sun don't shine, cos I don't need no steenkin' watches!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Becca72
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 01:21 PM

When you figure out how to stop them, please let me know so I can use it to stop the penis enlargement emails coming to me. I do not have a penis and therefore do not need one enlarged...

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: bobad
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 01:21 PM

Would you perhaps be interested in a large kielbassa.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Peace
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 01:24 PM

You are just lucky, LH. Reply to one of the ads saying the you will NOT cut off five inches just because they think you should have a 10" penis. Alternately, put the penis people in touch with the watch people. (Recall the Yiddish joke? "If you were a mohel, what would YOU hang in the window?") Looks like a win/win from here.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 01:57 PM

Well, nobody is wearing watches anymore, maybe that's why; there have been articles about this, how now that everyone has a cell phone, a computer, and who knows what-all other gadgets that incidentally have clocks, watches are no longer a fashion statement, and the watch industry is probably fighting back...

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Peace
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 02:04 PM

Well, the watch industry certainly has the time for it, Mrrzy.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Becca72
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 02:04 PM

I still wear a watch and no one is emailing me about it. In fact, I wear a watch on my right wrist...and I'm right-handed...that always throws people.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Emma B
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 02:09 PM

I've had 4 emails for Rolex watches in the last week - it's not about telling the time - it's about the 'label'!

some fascinating names though :)

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 02:27 PM

LH...I guess you are on a 'watch list'.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 03:03 PM

IT's SPAM, LH. That means it is sent to any email address the spammer can get ahold of.

Taking it personally is like believing that Ringo Starr is actually sending you secret drum messages with his tom-tom, hidden inside the tracks of an old Beatles album.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 03:29 PM

But he was...I just know he was...

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Wesley S
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 03:33 PM

LH - I'm sure they've just monitored how often you post here at the Mudcat and have decided that you have too much time on your hands. I expect I'll start getting those any day now.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:06 PM

Best comment yet, Wesley! ;-)

Amos, I have in fact picked up coded messages hidden in recordings by none other than Ringo Starr, Pat Benatar, Jimi Hendrix, and Juice Newton. They all advise me that I should "watch out for Amos". On one Beatles album you can clearly hear the phrase "Amos is a tosser" being repeated over and over again in the background vocals. If you play "Revolution # 9" and slow it down some you will hear the words, "destroy the bloody tosser...Amos must die!" quite clearly. I am sure it's John Lennon who is saying it.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:21 PM

I send for everything I get an email for. I tell 'em to send it to

[e-mail]

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:33 PM

I don't need a "Gen-u-ine imitation Rolex" watch as I have two (watches not Rolexes). I don't need a "designer handbag replica" either. And, like Becca above, I certainly don't need a penis enlargement either.

But those university degrees.....well now, that could be a different story......! those emails arrive in my inbox at work, and I work in a high school.

It's a bit of a joke innit?

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: bankley
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:38 PM

are the batteries included or do you have to buy your own...like the penis enlarger ?..... I ordered one of them once and they sent me a magnifying glass..

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Becca72
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:39 PM

LOL, Jennie.. I get emails offering me schooling to become a travel agent...I was one for 3 years and you can't make any $$$ doing it nowadays!

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 04:47 PM

Well, LH, you jus' tell them sumabiches that I gotta watch fir ya'... It was made in Russia and has a red hammer and sickle on the face of and last I wound it it kept perfect time, juts 20 years behind...

But seriously, once they have you they have you... Congress passed a no-Spam law a while back but that don't help you folks in Canadaburg... Might of fact don't help us either 'cause I still get spam... No watches yet... Just the usual weener 'n pills stuff...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 05:21 PM

Yeah, eh? "That clock won't tick." ;-)

Well, I heard that this one fool actually went and ordered an Acme penis enlargement kit...$35.

The package arrived in the mail a week later. It consisted of a piece of wood...like a cutting board...and a large wooden mallet.

The instructions: Get your penis out and place it on the board. Strike penis forcefully with mallet. Penis will swell noticeably within the next few hours and will retain its larger size for some time thereafter. Repeat as often as necessary. Lifetime guarantee.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 05:23 PM

O U C H !!

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 05:26 PM

Tracy Polk just sent me this message:

"Isn't it degrading, when they call your pen!s a "wee-wee"?
Don't let them mock you anymore! Use VPXL to change your pen!s size for bigger one!"

Why would I need a bigger pen? Nobody stands around saying, "Ha ha! Look at his little tiny wee-wee pen!" My pen fits my hand quite nicely, and in fact I have several pens that do. Even a fountain pen.

How is this degrading and why?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 05:28 PM

The writes of man?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: artbrooks
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 06:17 PM

Well, it WAS watches for a while, but now they are back to cheep Canuck drugs and on-line gambling.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 06:33 PM

Gol danged, LH... I been riped off... I patented the same kit except it was for "takin'-yer-mind-off-whatever-else*was*buggin'-you"... Worked like a charm...

BTW, that axe won't grind...

Nevermind...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 07:21 PM

My ISP's (Rogers) mail service has a "bulk folder". All known spam, and anything I and others report as spam, goes in that folder. I empty it without even opening it. I don't need a bigger penis.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 07:42 PM

Oh, I also have my email set up so that all the bulk mail goes into a bulk folder....but the problem is that certain normal mail from people that I DO want to hear from somehow ends up in there too...so I still have to take a quick look through the bulk folder to separate out those few legitimate messages before I delete the rest.

It's not a big deal, really. It takes all of about 15 or 20 seconds to spot the very few messages I want to keep and move them into my inbox.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:00 PM

But, LH...

That email won't send...

Now there's the makin's of a blues song...

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:01 PM

Why watches? Simple. First, you buy whatever it is they're selling to make your schlong the size of Secretariat's. Then you buy the Viagra they're selling so your new super-sized crank will inflate to truly enormous proportions and attain a hardness roughly equivalent to a 6 on the Mohs' scale. It's not unlikely that such a Gargantuan member achieving a full erection will use up so much of your blood supply that you'll pass out due to cerebral oxygen deprevation. The watch is so whoever finds you can take your pulse.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Nick
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:12 PM

Perhaps it's a measure of the length of your member as to how many watches you can get on it - a bit like how many budgerigars you can sit on it. Something of a status thing (the Viagra is presumably to help you keep up with the Joneses)

British people will be aware of the phrase "Got the time on yer cock?" and this is all probably something to do with it.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Peace
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:15 PM

That's not a clock. It's a sundial.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:36 PM

AH-HA!!!!

The laughs are on you! It was me....Do you hear? ME-ME-ME!!!

I sent them your name and addy and told them you were filthy rich and would buy anything!!! HA!!! It was me!! And why? Because you're a miserable peckerhead, a broke-dick mamalucca of the first order without any redeeming social value!

Just wait til the bowel deodorant ads start coming!!!! Up your ass will have a whole new meaning for you and your hopelessly Canuck ass. Just fuckoff ya' jagov!!!!!

Woody Allen my rosey red ass cheeks.........MWAH-HA-HA.....

You're screwed Dude!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Peace
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 08:48 PM

Be still my beating heart . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 09:52 PM

Aww fer Chrissake....!

Now I am picturing a gigantic hardon with about 35 or 40 budgerigars all lined up on it in a row, their little pink feet sticking out from under their feathery bellies...all chittering away nervously...

Not exactly what I want to visualize when I shut my weary eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 09:55 PM

And the mess those birds leave....

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: bobad
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 09:59 PM

Kinky

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Peace
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 10:07 PM

Is someone gonna break into a chorus of "Bird On a Wire"?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 10:19 PM

The idea is very old, really - see Gather ye pigeons while ye may ... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 10:27 PM

So now, when his guru suggests he try visualizations, he will see bird-shit on his schlong. Good move, Spaw.

I think of you, and see bird-shit on my schlong.
It keeps me thinking all the whole day long.
I tell my Guru, but he says
I must be doing something wrong,
When my third eye
Keep Visuali-
Zing Bird Shit on My Schlong.

Yeah, it is kinda like the ultimate revenge to han a guy with a nasty meme like that...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 08 - 10:36 PM

I don't think it was my schlong I was envisioning, it was probably somebody else's. Whose, I don't know. That's what so disturbing about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: GUEST,Nick
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 06:53 AM

And are all the budgies wearing watches?

What make?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 07:17 AM

Why Avia of course.

G

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 07:18 AM

I bet I know where the budgies got their watches cheap!!!! - in bulk.... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 07:58 AM

ah - Mr Red gets these so does the postmaster at the same domain

I wear a red watch at times - you try finding a halfway decent watch at 3 GBP in red - once in 7 years, but I need another soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 01:04 PM

If all the watches in the world were suddenly gone, I wouldn't even notice.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Wesley S
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 01:33 PM

No - but everyone else would notice how late you were arriving someplace. { Jeez - that Little Hawk - he's ALWAYS late }

I've always thought that pocket watches were pretty cool. I have one that belonged to my dad that doesn't work. And I have one of my own - that deoes work - for dress up occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 01:36 PM

You're so wrong. I am almost never late. I have a clock in my car, you see, and it's quite accurate. There are also numerous clocks visible in stores, on buildings...so who needs a watch?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Nick
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 02:38 PM

The budgies were probably originally bought on hire purchase

Always consider as well - "A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. ~Lee Segall"

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 05:32 PM

If each budgie had a watch, would they be wristwatchers? Suppose each budgie had an alarm clock and all the alarms went off at the same time -- would this become some sort of kinky new sex thing?

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 05:52 PM

But at my back I always hear
Times wingéd chariot hurrying near.

G

Subject: RE: BS: Trying to sell me watches now.... ???
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 06:15 PM

anyone with a computer...(and that sort of includes everyone reading this)... should always have time right on their screen