BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale

Subject: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wilco
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:21 AM

I'm one of the unfortunates who enjoy practical jokes. Two of my favorites recently have both occured at a local restaurant, where several of us requested left-handed table-ware. The entire wait and kitchen staff combed through all of the spoons and forks, looking for the left-handed ones. The waitresses all bought it. The other was a friend of mine who was selling post-holes of 99% purity. He bought an old tunnel in New England (USA), and had it trucked down to Tennessee. Bear in mind that he bought the inide of the tunnel. He then cut it into 6" x 24" cylinders, for postholes. We actually made arrangements for storage and a local business license!!! I really should be ashamed!!!! Catters got anymore???

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:28 AM

Actually, 99% is probably exagerrated; you can't preserve that sort of purity in storage or processing when there is a high density factor of BS particulates -- separating them out is prohibitively expensive, so most people just accept the 80% solution, as long as none of it has crystalized and made the hole-segment unuseable.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: mooman
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:34 AM

When I started my scientific career many moons ago we always used to send the brand-new lab techs down to the stores for a gross of Fallopian tubes.

mooman

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wilco
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:34 AM

In most circumstances, you would be correct. But, we made provisions for insuring purity. We tried freezing them in the tunnel, and shipping them in refrigerated trailers. Also, we let some of them melt, after freezing, and shipped them by hermetically sealed tankers. They were unloaded through a 6" valve, which gave us perfect 6" cylinders. Very lttle sawing or machine work. That's how we got the 99% purity. With the EPA restrictions on groundwater contamination, you can't be too careful.

Thanks!!!

Wilco in Tennessee.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: jimmyt
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:13 AM

Have you thought of shrink wrapping those darn things? Should help in shipping, you could actually send them in old LP covers through the mail!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Blues=Life
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:23 AM

New guys on construction sites are often sent looking for a board stretcher (just the thing when a 2X4 isn't QUITE long enough), and also for metric screwdrivers.

Blues

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wilco
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:24 AM

You know, shrink-wrap is a great idea. Are you possibly from Tennessee too? Also, for those fences that are boundaries, you could offer dyes for color coo-ordination. Most maps indicate differnet types of boundaries with different colors: states, counties, cities, parks, etc. This would be red for state lines. Green for green ways. Red and white candcane patterns for play areas. Pink for aresa for little girls. Harley Davidson signature postholes in a black leather color for macho types.

Wilco in tennessee!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:28 AM

Send them looking for a current bush or a left handed monkey wrench........

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:34 AM

well, it's a good idea, but since I have a lathe, I turn my own..up to 11" diameter and 33" long..(I 'can' piece them together using compressed air canisters, but 33" is enough for most applications)...

I can also produce very small holes...down to ¼" diameter...which are useful for things like garden stake holders and inserts for toothpick holders..(which I make from exotic woods.)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: jimmyt
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:36 AM

wilco, I'm not from Tennessee, but as we say in Georgia, we go there for whores and firecrackers!LOL Your boundary paint is a good idea, but it seems to me selling a candy cane paint would be a nice touch. Should have the stripes right in the paint. Then there is polka dot, and plaid....

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:40 AM

I've always wondered about an ad I saw in an Oregon paper 15+ years ago: '26 Postholes for Sale. Cheap.'

Do you travel a good deal, Wilco?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: GUEST,Songbob
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:44 AM

Building a house once, had this guy who was throwing nails away. I asked him why, and he said, "They've got the points on the wrong end." I told him, "Idiot! Those are for the other side of the house! Now pick 'em up and stop wasting good nails."

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Mooh
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:45 AM

The old bucket of steam gag. Amazing how often it works!

Thanks for the laugh, I'm having a lousy week.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:50 AM

Aw, peace, Mooh.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:51 AM

I think youre making a big mistake stocking cylindrical holes. You're wasting a lot of hole turning them on a lathe, and you're also wasting a lot of storage space, unless youve got something else to keep in the rather odd-shaped gaps. A lot of posts are square cross-section anyway, so all in all I'd say definitely cut the holes square to start with.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:51 AM

re: that nail problem..What about the left & right sides of the house?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:58 AM

" You're wasting a lot of hole turning them on a lathe, and you're also wasting a lot of storage space, unless youve got something else to keep in the rather odd-shaped gaps. "

oh, no, Greg!..I re-compact the 'shavings' and turn them into cheap little holes for kids to play with in sand boxes...they don't last long..but kids toys never do!

And as to storage...since with a lathe, I can make any size (different than pushing them thru a pipe)...I can store many--each slightly smaller-- inside each other!...Why, I have managed up to 23 sizes inside one 11" hole!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 12:20 PM

Cracking up, Bill D -- your storage solution is sheer genius!! I never thought of putting holes inside one another!! LOL! It's infinitely promising! You could be on to somethign really interesting here.

But remember to keep them properly segregated. You start mixing in black holes in your production line and --BOOM! THere goes the neighborhood.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 12:25 PM

I dont make black holes, Amos...black holes suck!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: jimmyt
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 12:25 PM

Amos, Do you think Liberal holes are, generally speaking, larger thean conservative holes?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 12:54 PM

Just to get out of the hole for a second:--

        1947, a few miles from Quilcene in Washington State. Camp Parsons was (still is, apparently) a large Boy Scout camp nestled on the shores of beautiful Hood Canal, with the spectacular Olympic Mountains just to the west as a backdrop. The camp operated all summer, and groups of scouts would go there for two week periods. The camp was big, with a few larger buildings included a mess hall and health center, but scattered in the woods throughout the area were many cabins. The camp had a capacity of as many as 1,500 scouts at a time. Activities during the two week stay included hiking, some mountain-climbing with the older Explorer Scouts, cruises rowing or sailing up and down the canal in two large life boats with the Sea Scouts, taking classes to pass merit badge tests, songfests and story-telling around a big campfire in the evenings—all in all, a marvelous experience, especially for city kids.
        I'd had polio when I was two years old, and since I was stomping around on crutches, I couldn't go on any of the hikes. I had strong shoulders and I could row like a galley-slave, so I opted for the four-day mariners' cruise in one of the two twenty-six foot lifeboats. I was standing around on the pier with the Sea Scouts the day before the cruise was to start when one of the older Sea Scouts (about seventeen, I think) called to a young tenderfoot scout (about twelve or thirteen) and said, "Hey, we need about a hundred and fifty feet of shoreline. Could you run up to the Explorer Scout lodge and see if they have some? If not, well, check around and see if you can find some."
        The kid looks at him for a few seconds, then says, "Sure! I'll be back as soon as I can." Then he dashes off, while the older scouts grin at each other and snicker.
        About twenty minutes later, the kid comes back. As he walks along the pier toward us, he's lugging something, but he keeps it behind him so we can't see what it is. When he gets up to us, he swings it from behind him and sets it down. It's a bucket of water with some sand, rocks, and a bit of seaweed in the bottom.
        "There," says the kid. "I think that's about a hundred and fifty feet, but you might want to measure it yourself to be sure."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bert
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 01:30 PM

And just think what Rick can do with the hole that Big Mick left in his back yard. Get your Dremel tool out Rick!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 01:56 PM

A traditional military gag is to send a recruit to the Quartermaster to borrow a white wash brush to "paint the Last Post" white.
In our workshop, it was traditional to send new apprentices to the stores for a long weight (long wait).

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 02:08 PM

Fog lockers and starboard-turn wrenches were normal errands for newbies when I was at sea. Well, I still am in some sense, but never mind that... There were dozens of similar sillinesses that popped up from time to time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Mooh
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 02:15 PM

Here's a misunderstanding which came my way a while back...So few folks play guitar lefthanded because of the cost of lefthanded guitar strings. Uh huh.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Jon Bartlett
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 04:18 PM

"... A hole inside a hole..." - isn't that a working definition of Dubya?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: jimmyt
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 04:37 PM

If you had a bucket full of these small holes mixed with water, could they be strained out in a collander, orwould this be an excersize in futility as they would...you guessed it, just run through the holes?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: NicoleC
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 04:39 PM

I my sound-dude days, we always used to send the newbies down to the local drug store to buy a gross of unlubed condoms.

We actually needed them (always practice safe sound), but it was still good for a laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 05:42 PM

Here in the UK police put labels on cars that have been sitting in strange places for any time
POLICE AWARE
This weekend at the Bromyard Festival someone stuck a dummy notice in large print on the 4WD of Dave James. Suffice to say Dave is one of those perrenial characters who just invite a such a jibe. I have the pix and will post again when I have them on my webspace. ** Te He**

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 07:53 PM

Re:the nail problem. I have a device that uses minimum power but takes Left-handed,Right-handed, front-or back nails and by applying a force at right angles to the t line rotates them through the 4th dimension and makes them into which ever kind you need. This product has been scientifically tested and will work on ANY size of nail.. payment accepted in cash only (small bills)...

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 08:23 PM

I have a couple of old bubbles for a spirit level - one horizontal, one vertical if anybody wants 'em.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Banjer
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 08:39 PM

When in the service we took great delight in sending newbies down to the heliport to borrow several yards of flightline. Equally hilarious was the mission to the supply depot for light bulb repair kits.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:17 PM

ah, Micca...if I had only had that device when I was working in the carpenters shop at my school!..Why, we could have saved so much time by NOT having to run 'round the building every time we came on a mis-aligned nail!

and Seamus...none of the spirits I use will allow me to REMAIN level!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:28 PM

I spent some time working in th glass business. As well as the aforementioned bucket of steam, left handed tools and Glass stretcher, apprentices were sent looking Baseboard Ladders.

A while back Rick Fielding told me how Sydney, Australia got it's name. You'll have to ask him.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:54 PM

How about sky hooks? They are very convenient for hanging up things when you're outside.

When I was a kid and went to camp, all the first-timers were told (with great seriousness) that we were going to go out into the woods hunting for snipe. We weren't completely sure what snipe were... some kind of nocturnal bird, maybe, but we were given gunny sacks and sent packing into the woods. Some of us were a little less brain dead than others and we were sceptical, but we went along with it. The next summer, we were all convincing the new batch of kids that we'd caught a lot of snipes the previous summer.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Genie
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:32 PM

wilco, from your thread title, I thought you were talking about percussion spoons for southpaws. You could charge extra for them, don't you see, because they are not produced in such mass quantitities as the right-handed varieties.

You could have a whole line of instruments for our "sinister," "gauche" musician friends -- left handed kazoos, left-handed egg shakers, left-handed penny whistles, harmonicas, tambourines, bodhrans, trumpets, thumbpicks, etc. These would, of course, be for the same folks who buy left-handed guitar strings.

LOL, Songbob, Amos, Bill!

Walrus, is that "painting the last post" anything like telling a new recruit to "go find Charley Noble?"

Jerry, I was wondering when someone was gonna mention that old "snipe hunt!"

How about some dehydrated water for backpackers and for those emergency ration kits?

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: rob son of rob
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 12:32 AM

Hey! Anyone care for a bag of dehydrated water? Saves space and weight on those extra-long desert backpacking trips! Satisfaction garunteed. 20 cents per ounce!

hmmm... I actually have a lefthanded coffee cup, there is a hole in it where if you use your right hand to pick it up and drink, you will in up with a big hot coffee stain on your shirt. I have actually heard of the snipe hunt although i have never been on one. Around here, in east west texas, hunting jackalopes or creatures that look like jack rabbits with antelope horns on them are very popular, I have seen several jackalope skulls and trophy heads on resturaut walls. They're great. Oh and Genine, thumb picks, unlike general finger picks, are, as far as know, hand specific! All the thousands of left handed bluegrass banjo players have to special order them over the internet from places such as here. Look towards the bottom of the page:

http://www.fmp.com/aq/marketplace2.php

rob :)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Genie
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 02:37 AM

I stand corrected, Rob. Now that I think about it, thumb picks are, of course, hand specific.

Here's a great new product, folks:
A "Morning After Pill" for men!

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 03:13 AM

my brother goes backpacking a lot in wild places.he endeavours to carry lightweight survival items, such as tent, sleeping bag etc.

after he's finished with trekking for the day, in the evening he'll watch his pocket tv & have a few scoops of strong drink.

even though he uses a plastic container to transport it in,the alcohol is one of the weightier items he has to carry.he's got around part of the solution to this weightiness by having the most concentrated form he can get. in uk this is rum that's 67%, which he then dilutes with water.

as a daytime thirst-quencher, he carries powdered orange juice & adds water.

he would be delighted if alcohol could be obtained in dehydrated form - just add water.

does anyone know if this is a possibility & where it could be obtained?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 04:47 AM

Dehydrated alcohol is alive and well and living in your nearest Scientific lab, it is called absolute ethanol and is 100% pure Alcohol,it can be used to dehydrate(remove water from) biological specimens there are a few drawbacks to it tho', 1 It is about 200+ proof!!! 2 it coulld very easily (if drunk neat) induce vomiting(antagonistic action on gut), and the rapid onset of alcholic poisoning (causing rapid unconciousness and death) 3 it is more expensive than 12yo Single malt whiskey ( about 63 GBP/litre 4 it may contain small amounts of Benzene( toxic ,attacks the liver)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 05:57 AM

"Hey, I've got a hole in my pocket. Well, half a hole anyway"
"What can you do with half a hole?"
"Fix it to stop my mind from wandering"

Beatles cartoon "Yellow Submarine" referring back to a song from Sgt Peppers album

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Gurney
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 07:07 AM

Traps for young players, as they say. The 'long weight' one usually worked, but 'a bag of oxygen' I fetched was used by a hung-over workmate, and I saw an alert youngster bring back '2 dozen half-inch holes.' In copper. With an invoice.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: jonm
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 07:53 AM

One of my colleagues sent me a student with a request for "a long stand". Having made him wait five minutes and rummaged in the lab stores, I sent him back with the advice that although I couldn't let him have a long stand, I could give him two short stands.

Ten minutes afterward, he was back with instructions from my colleague that two short stands would be acceptable. I made him wait another five minutes....

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Big Mick
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:01 AM

Amos, the snipes (engineering rates) in Main Control (main engine room) on the fleet ships used to delight in sending newbies to "cut the cooling water in to the handrails".

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: MMario
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:57 AM

hee-hee! I remember the first snipe hunt our new scoutmaster arranged back mublety years ago when I was in scouts. What he didn't know was that there is an actual snipe (it's a shore bird) and that there were quite a few of them around the campground area we were at. Imagine his surprise when several of the teams actually came back with snipe!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: GUEST,Davetnova
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 11:03 AM

The Scottish Executive have actually announced that as a health initiative they will be handing out the morning after pill to male students. Govermants are wonderful things.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Deda
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 12:50 PM

Newcomers to Colorado are urged to be on the lookout for Jackalopes. We have postcards of 'em, 6-foot high jackrabbits with antelope antlers.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 01:13 PM

Of course, it does work the other way round.
I recall that there was a minor fracas in one of our workshops some years ago when the craftsman teaching an apprentice was having some trouble with a lathe and asked the lad to go to the store for a tin of elbow grease, the apprentice wasn't having any of it and there was a minor (if somewhat loud) arguement between the two of them which ended with the craftsman storming off to the store and coming back with a tin of grease for the lathe (brand name "L-Bow") with which he sorted the problem on the lathe head.
The (slightly chastened) apprentice spent the next month in somewhat messier & less interesting jobs than previously.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 01:21 PM

Similar to Walrus, 2nd Mate sending the "boy" to the Engine room for a set of "Footprints", boy answered back (having been recently caught out by the "long stand" joke, was suitable chastened to discover that "Footprints" are a brand of very large adjustable jaw Stilson type wrenchs with long handles, for undoing reluctant nuts and bolts!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Genie
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 05:42 PM

Davetnova, I hope the Scottish Executive have instructed the male students that they are not the intended ingesters of the pill. *BG*

And, Rob, we could try to market "left-handed flatpicks," instead of thumbpicks.

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Jon Bartlett
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:28 PM

What is this "morning after" pill? After what?

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Bert
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:32 PM

True story from when my Dad worked in a body shop.

One of the lads had a hole in his rubber boots. Dad says "Go over to Jim (the welder) and get him to weld them up for you.
The lad trots over to Jim with his rubber boots in hand. Jim say's "Sorry, I don't have any rubber welding rods, go and ask Bill, see if he's got any"

Of course Bill doesn't have any, and he sends him to someone else. So, for about a week the lad goes around trying to find some rubber welding rods.

Eventually, on of the guys gets some old welding rods, knocks what's left of the flux off of them and threads on some rubber from some old electrical wire.

The lad gleefully takes these over top Jim who says "Sorry Son, You need a DC machine for those. This machine is AC."

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Chip2447
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 10:13 PM

From my days in Uncle Sam's yacht club;
Fifty feet of flight line,
a bucket of propwash,
the infamous mail bouy watch, gotta get our mail ya know.
Probably the best was the Go NoGo gauge, which usually causes the newbies who have been a victim of one of the above to scoff and vow that they aren't going to fall for that. However, a Go NoGo gauge is an actual piece of equipment used to determine if a deck padeye (aircraft tie down point to you uninitiated) needs replaced. If the jaws of the gauge won't fit over the bars of the padeye...hence NOGO, it is not worn enough to replace. On the other hand, if it GOes then so must the padeye.

Chip2447(who paid close attention to the stories tha his uncle told him of the U.S. Navy, and used mail bouy watch time for a much needed break)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 10:25 PM

John B., It's a pill for those mornings when you wake up and stammer, "What?"

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 11:10 PM

Well, as Banjer can attest, in the automotive repair business, you send the yahoo out to get the key to the vapor lock. Also, a lot of customers want an instant diagnosis of their problem and ask, "What do you think you can do?" The reply of course is, "Well, I could jack the radiator cap up and slide a new car underneath it."   And surely every shop has at least one "French jack" sitting in the corner. What's a "French jack" you asked? It's one that's got a leaking seal and therefore keeps going down on you.

I had a friend who constantly played with a tape measure that was on his keychain and would walk over to someone and act as though he was measuring them. When asked what he was doing he'd reply, "Just seeing how long you've been here." He was later committed to a mental institution.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Homeless
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 12:01 AM

Like Walrus and Micca, one of my coworkers didn't believe in cow-tipping (and she had lived in the Midwest AND Texas!)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Keevan6
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 01:53 AM

my dad and I once sent a newbie down 11 flights at a construction site to get a battery for an air-winch....kid fell for it.....later we sent the same kid back down and up to bring us a harness-stabilizer for a couple of saw-horses we were using

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Hrothgar
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 05:04 AM

I'm still trying to get the right pile driver for knocking in those post holes I bought.

Micca: If I remember correctly, pure alcohol is either 173.74% or 174.73% proof. That's why something that is 40% alcohol by volume is rated as 70% proof.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: nickp
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 05:47 AM

Then, of course, there's the Glass Hammer - although I understand that there really is such a thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 06:51 AM

To answer the question posed once or twice; a "morning after pill" is a high power hormone pill intended to produce spontaneous abortion (is it PC to call it abortion at so early a stage?) when prophylactic measures have not been taken the night before.
It is, obviously, intended for female use.
However, the powers that be are quite right to issue them to male students. Having to apply for one makes the male appear to be a 'stud'; whilst if the girl applies she appears to be a 'loose woman'. I know this is a double standard, but it isn't mine. Along the same lines, it always used to be the case that condom machines were only sited in the mens toilets.

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 06:56 AM

Hrothgar, but of course, the trend towards putting % by vol. of alcohol on labels of alcoholic beverages now is because the USA, the UK and I think France have different values for fluids of the same equivalent "proof" and they are trying to thus creat a "common" standard?!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 07:12 AM

%Proof was always a variable quantity. IIRC "proof" spirit was originally that which, if poured on gunpowder would still allow the powder to ignite. Thus any alcohol (by vol.) content between 73-100 would be "proof spirit". Anything below would be shown a %proof based on the lower limit. (i.e. what quantity is left after removing water by further distillation thus bringing the spirit up to "proof".)

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 09:27 AM

Nigel, an interesting point about removing water by distillation thats why Absolute alcohol may contain traces of benzene(see my post above) they add benzene to form an azeotrope so that the benzene/water mix distills at a lower temp than the alcohol/water fraction and the water is thus removed, but traces of benzene remains and the alcohol needs to be passed down an alumina column and then checked on a spectrometer until no benzene remains, if you want to safely drink it!!! This is , of course, a "Douglas Adams" use of the word "safe".

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: NH Dave
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 12:13 PM

Having spent some time in Boy Scouts as well as in the AF, two situations come to mind.

As a boy, on camping trips, I recall being sent on missions to scare up a tent stretcher, as we were a couple of tents for the outing. This stopped when I brought a set of tenterhooks, two bits of scrap, joined at one end by a bolt or rivit, with a series of brads or hooks at the other, used to keep woven work a specific width, against the pull of the weft.

The second involved an air base that trained Hospital Technicians, and AF Instructors as well as having the usual flying operations. We sent a tyro off for a couple Fallopian Tubes, to repair a bit of radar gear, suggesting he check with the Radiology Department of the base hospital since there were many similarities in radar and X-Ray machines.

Unfortunately, instead of encountering a fellow prankster, willing to kid him on, he ran into a crusty, older, Nurse, Major, with a limited sense of humor about things medical, feminine, and military, who extracted the name of his immediate supervisor and called, demanding an instant stop to this nonsense.

Dave

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Abby Sale
Date: 18 Sep 02 - 07:37 PM

Well, wilco48's original story reminds me of the serious side of all this. In 1946, when the horror was still very much with us, my father told me some news he'd heard directly from some relatives who were there at the time…Survivors.

This was early in 1938, before "Kristallnacht" when Jews still could live a bit and own stores in Germany. One day Goering says to Hitler that he's not entirely sure it's a good idea to get rid of all the Jews. Maybe they're clever and can contribute something useful. Hitler, of course, is outraged but allows his comrade to explain.

"Please come with me, Fuhrer," says Goering, and they go out into the town to the shops. Stopping at an Aryan dry goods shop, Goering asks for a dozen left-handed teacups. The shop owner shuffles around offering this and that but finally admits he never heard of left-handed teacups and he can't help.

"Okay," says Goering, "lets try again." They go to another Aryan store with the same results and also to a third store. Hitler is becoming very impatient but Goering says, "Fine. Let's try this shop here." It's a Jewish store.

Again, Goering asks for a dozen left-handed teacups and the owner says, "Yes, sir. Immediately!" He goes to the shelf, gets the cups, places one left-handed teacup on the counter and politely turns it so it's convenient to Goering's left hand. "Very fine and unusual cups they are, Sir," he explains. "That will be 50 marks."

Goering says he'll think about it and takes Hitler outside. "See what I mean, Fuhrer? Clever people! Maybe we can use them."

But Hitler knows better…"What's so clever?" he asks. The Jew just happened to have some in stock!"

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wilco
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 10:24 AM

Abby Sale: It's amazing where a thread can lead. Thanks for the story. Wilco in Tennessee

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Hecate
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 10:48 AM

I have for sale a selection of ocharina strings, if anyone is interested. I also know a bloke who does an excellent line in reduced fat cigarettes.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: gwonya
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 04:59 PM

One spikey beer nut + apple juice in a sterile urinalysis speciman bottle makes for one tasty kidney stone after discussing the horrors of passing such a beast with brand new professionals at our Emergency department. Its just very important that this does'nt backfire somehow. Know your props and how they differ from those belonging to someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 05:19 PM

Dave James Gotcha as promised.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Genie
Date: 19 Sep 02 - 08:17 PM

Abby, that's a wonderful tale!

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Gurney
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 05:41 AM

a Kiwi luthier is selling lead-free pencils if anyone is interested. There's no fuel like an old fuel.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Leadfingers
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 12:51 PM

I understand that in the Good Old Days(who said THESE are the Good Old Days)in railway workshops the new apprentices were liable to be sent off for Red and Green Lamp oil. And the do use Rubber Hammers in Vehicle bodyshops.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: leprechaun
Date: 22 Sep 02 - 07:11 PM

On occasion we kick in a door for a search warrant and there's nobody home. If we have new recruit with us we assure them the procedure is to read the search warrant aloud anyway. We wouldn't want to lose any evidence on a technicality.

My partner got a guy to confess when he told him we found "male fingerprints" on his stash box.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: gnu
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 05:11 AM

About sixty years ago, a fellow hired by my uncle to dig six post holes arrived while my uncle was at work. The fellow asked my aunt where she wanted the postholes, to which she replied, "Just leave them on the back porch." After about ten minutes, she paid him the $1.50 each and he left in a rather good mood, never to be seen again.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 05:26 AM

Gurney: 'lead free pencils', was the kiwi serious, or taking the piss?
A couple of ways to look at this,
1, he may make sales to people who think 'pencil lead' is actually lead, and harmful to the environment
2, He may be dealing with an older generation who were told not to bite their pencils in school (The painted outsides often included lead paint)3, He may just acknowledge "There's one born every minute"

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 06:39 AM

we used to get lab assistants to "standardise all new thermometers by walking round with hem under their armpit for ten minutes.

other things of use . Chocolate teapot Chocolate fireguard .

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 06:46 AM

Guest, Noddy:
About as much use as:
1, A pork pie at a bar mitzvah
2, a lace condom

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:45 AM

Nigel,

You've forgotten the plough on a fish farm.

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Micca
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:46 AM

Nigel, in my very " multiethnic multi faith" college I heard" as much use a Pigskin Koran"

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: MudGuard
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 09:21 AM

I am thinking about starting a new business selling high-temperature telephones. There must be a lot of customers for that - all those people who want to call hotlines ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 02:15 PM

MudGuard,

While you're at it, how about insulating the hand set, that way thay can also be used for dealing with those sales centres that "cold-call".

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: MudGuard
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 02:19 PM

cold-call?
Never heard that expression. My dictionaries seem unaware of it as well.
Could you explain, please?

(English is only my second language, and I am not too good at it - especially such expressions...)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:05 PM

"Cold Call" is advertising jargon for a call to someone who has NOT indicated a need for what you have to sell. Salespersons would, of course, prefer to call on "qualified" customers who have shown an interest; but seem willing to "call everyone in the phone book" if there's a chance of a sale.

A modern day equivalent is advertising SPAM email.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: MudGuard
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:11 PM

Thanks John!

I can go to bed now, as I have learnt something new today (although it is a bit early, it's just 9PM here...)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:20 PM

In sales, a "cold call" is the very first time a saleperson makes contact with a protential sucker client, either in person, or on the telephone. They will never have met them before that point and have no idea if they will be interested in their product.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:39 PM

Meant to add, though the jackalope enjoys world-wide acclaim and recognition now, it all started back in Wyoming when an old taxidermist in Douglas stuffed the first one of these elusive creatures.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 05:50 AM

Now we seem to drifted onto phones, am I alone in being irritated by some of the 'standard' comments used by supposedly professional telephone users.
"Hold the line": nope, I'd rather hold the handset.
"Bear with me": does this mean get undressed together ?

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: Gurney
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 07:06 AM

Nigel, how about "Jane speaking." (This is Chris speaking, do you think we are related?) "Have a nice day." (I'll have any kind of day I want!") "You are speaking with Jane." (No, I'm seaking TO Jane.) Thread drift rules OK(UK)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: wilco
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 11:55 AM

Mentioning phones reminded me of a gag that we pulled when we were teenagers. We would call our friends, disguising our voice, and tell them that we were telephone repair people, that they had too much "slack" in their phone line coming into the house, and to pull as hard as they could on the cord plugged into the wall. I should be utterly ashamed (Hee Hee :)

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: GUEST,noddy
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:17 PM

phone someone with an ansaphone and leave a meassage which sounds as though they have called youu and got your ansaphone. It causes all sorts of confusion.

Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:48 PM

Why is sales such a maligned occupation? For those who have never done it I realize that the common image (ie-used cars) is somewhat down the totem pole of jobs. The standard cliches and other things like attire (Hey' I see your belt matches your shoes--Both white!) have done in what is truly an art and a science. Selling is an art and if you don't believe me, think back to all the wonderful things you've bought over the years and then on to all the pieces of absolute crap you have been sold.

"Cold Calls" are the number two ability on the list of tools a salesperson must have, the first being the ability to carry on long conversations without making a statement--only asking questions, regardless of the answer. Cold calls establish a customer base and build prospects so time isn't wasted on non-buyers and others can be developed over time. Many seem to believe that the way to do this is thorugh the phone or internet. At best, all they can provide is a remote possibility that a customer might be expecting them. Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats standing face to face with a person. It's the only way to evaluate them. Frankly, I think telemarketers do far more harm to a saleperson's chances of actually making a sale and they irritate the hell out of most of us.

Sorry......I'll stop the rant now and replace the Soapbox in the corner.

Spaw