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MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Catherine Jayne Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:39 AM Dave....are these piccies going to be for your own personal use of for blackmail material??...!!!!!! Someone better change the barrel....seems that we have drained it dry...must be a good party!!! QUICK! Someone grab the cat shes swinging from the top of the tree and the poor duck she has in her jaws is looking a wee bit scared....pour the duck a whiskey for the shock. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Dave Bryant Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:14 AM Oooh - none of them are wearing costumes - quick turn off the sprinklers - I want to get some piccies. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:29 AM glub. glub. glub. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Rapparee Date: 16 Dec 03 - 09:24 AM The finely dressed cowboy-style fella thinks briefly and in a flash of brilliance finds the problem is solved. Quicker than his draw of his faux-ivory handled Colts he whips out a 14-inch crescent wrench and reconnects the sprinkler system heads between the hot tub and the table to the hot water lines! A nice hot shower will drench the tubbers, their food can be taken away under cover (their drinks as well) as they tread the path between. With carefully aimed rocks, he breaks the sprinkler heads and the curtain of water descends. Ah-HAH!, he thinks, good thing the floor drains are working, I forgot that the water has to go somewhere and opening the doors would be drafty. When the tubbers see what he's done loud cheers arise. Food and drink, two of the necessities (but not necessarily in that order), are warmly available, towels of none. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:57 PM !"Towels? I thought YOU brought the towels!" grumbles someone in a big hat near the far side of the tub. Starving people look longingly at the food being set out on the sideboard and the covered pool table, wondering if they'll freeze in their tracks before they make it over to grab some food and head back to the hot water. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: moonglow Date: 15 Dec 03 - 11:16 PM *crawls under table to keep cats company* |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:11 PM Thanks for reminding me! *dons kevlar chainmail glove and passes a slice of wyvern under the table* In this place I don't trust the cats to be alone under there!!!! FOOD IS READY! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: My guru always said Date: 15 Dec 03 - 04:07 PM Stepping gracefully from the tree prior to the 'slingshot effect', the |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: MAG Date: 15 Dec 03 - 01:47 PM Harmony singing over here in this large nook ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,MMario Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:54 AM I'm an actor (sorta) I'm used to having other people's words in my mouth. Better tasting then my foot! (which is also frequently in my mouth) but those hens are toast! (actually I'm thinking of serving them on toast. enriching the Calvados sauce with some cream, yum,yum!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 15 Dec 03 - 10:31 AM As the group near the bar stand pondering the fowl in the yard, holiday music and laughter burst from the office, where Joe Offer has been hiding out watching animated greeting cards. MMario and the others peer through the doorway, share a laugh, then shrug off the idea of eating the visiting critters. "It'd be like trying to cook and eat Big Bird," he's heard to mutter, wiping a tear from his cheek. "We'll stick with what we have, auroch, wyvern, salmon, pickled herring and a lot of baked goods that seem to have piled up over on the sideboard over there. Tons of drunken fruitcake seems to have crept in from another thread." I hope you don't mind my putting words in your mouth, Leo! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:35 AM "Will you not allow that I have as much of the spirit of prophecy in me as the swans? For they, when they perceive that they must die, having sung all their life long, do then sing more than ever... But men ... slanderously affirm of the swans that they sing a lament at the last, not considering that no bird sings when cold, or hungry, or in pain..." -- Plato, "Phaedo" |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,MMario Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:35 AM I wouldn't look to0 closely at those "French" hens if I were you - they seem to be clucking in distinctly Devonshire accents. However - I was thinking of 'poulet et poires en calvados'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: artbrooks Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:25 AM We could sell the five gold rings and buy some good brandy. I mean, once you cook up the hens and the maids have gone off to swim with the squid, the act's busted up anyway, isn't it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Dave Bryant Date: 15 Dec 03 - 09:11 AM Still MMario, out amongst the managerie in the yard, unmentioned by Liz seem to be three French Hens. They obviously got here in spite of the Calais blockade. Are they worth cooking - even for some broth ? There also seems to be a pear tree in fruit - have we got some brandy ? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 15 Dec 03 - 12:53 AM I think he stayed out in the salt water, just got close to the pier. Out that Southern Hemisphere door, mind you. The one that that occasionally swings past Kaikura. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 03 - 06:20 PM MAITHU! Come in and be welcome man! Stilly - I have NO idea where the swans OR the whale came from. Swans are pretty to look at - and I hear that on Christmas Eve they sing as beautifuly as - well- a Swan song...; but they are to all accounts tough and stringy to eat. And whale makes GOOSE look like a low - fat food! It can't be healthy for him in that hot tub, can it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Liz the Squeak Date: 14 Dec 03 - 04:38 PM I think those swans are here with that guy in the yard - the one with the geese, the calling birds, a lot of be-wigged gentlemen and some ladies doing the Gay Gordons, some buxom wenches going on about how to milk a squid (giant or otherwise), a stunned looking partridge, some bastards playing bagpipes and a very large cleaning bill. His girlfriend doesn't look any too pleased and neither do those drummers. Oh, and some guy called MacDuff wants to know where he can park his trees for the night. Personally I think he's in the wrong thread. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Matt_R Date: 14 Dec 03 - 12:42 PM The door opens with an icy winter's blast and in stumbles the now 25-year-old Maithu Ruadh with a guitar on his back and a handful of White Stripes and Steve Goodman tabs. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 03 - 11:43 AM Here come some more swans. And a sperm whale. Guess it's just as well the squid left already. This isn't a case like when the Swedish Chef invited a turkey to the Muppet Family Christmas, is it? MMario, you didn't REALLY invited that whale, with plans to server muktuk, did you? Tell me it isn't so! (I'm not sure where the swans fit in, but here they are, out in the back with the other guy.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 03 - 01:21 AM (Or we can have Moonglow do to you what she did to the squid!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 03 - 01:20 AM That one kind of trips up the pace in here. Get yourself a drink Moloch, and chill out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,Moloch Date: 13 Dec 03 - 10:50 PM I, Moloch, send to you poor mortals greetings. I shan’t join in your poor attempts at |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Dec 03 - 09:30 PM Moonglow, getting a bit leery of such a LARGE squid oggling the ladies slips behind the bar, out of the reach of tentacles. Leaning over to take a look at the suction cup prints on the floor in front of the bar, she mistakenly leans on the red button for the harness that she used to lift and stablize the christmas tree. After cleaning up from the snowbank and getting some fortification from the barkeep, Sage is just climbing back into the hot tub when the creaking sound of leather and wood catches her attention. Looking across the room she sees the tree slowly lift off of the floor. The tree's weight is enough to keep it from catapulting from the room and through the roof like an Apollo rocket, but it has taken on the unusual feature of dangling from the rafters like a huge ornament itself. As the room full of people watch in amazement, a very large cat on a rafter steps gingerly onto one of the advancing branches. It's weight is enough to slowly tip the tree over and around until it is hanging completely upside down, all of it's ornaments still attached but now in an apparent upside down position. The cat leaps off as the branch nears the floor, and the tree does a graceful but somewhat speedier reversal, in what appears to be a silver fir karate chop as the base moves back to the floor. The swing of the tree butt, like that of a good golf club, catches the squid in what one might (if one has a good imagination) call it's "shoulder," and lobs it out of the Oz door. As the fourth casualty to go flying out a Mudcat Tavern door, Jint Sqid is greatful to have not landed on the snowy side of the building. He reaches three tentacles around his head to feel the sore spot, and they get stuck to his shoulder. A squishy flounce is heard, then a gelatinous small splash, as the creature moves into the ocean to wash off the tree pitch. "Wi9l bee back latr" he gurgles. Moonglow takes her elbow off of the button and ducks down behind the bar, where she can quietly move past the bartender and out the other side of the bar, reappearing at the other end of the room as if nothing unusual had just happened. The tree once again sinks down to the floor of the tavern. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Geoff the Duck Date: 13 Dec 03 - 02:42 PM Squid - you never told us you were from 'Ull. Have you been down the Minerva? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:57 AM There's a, like, knock at the door eh? It's Shane from Blind River. He is casually cool and handsome in his Export cap and lumberjacket. He sawnters into the room, givin' all the ladies the eye and feelin' real sorry for the men. "So, like, what's happenin' eh? Who's got smokes? What the FLIP is that FLIPPIN' music you got on? Soudns like the dyin' sounds of a libberian virgin on a cold Sunday... Man, I can still taste last nights' beer and pizza...but I am primed and ready for action! Let's put on some Ozzie and GET ROCKIN!!!" - BDiBR |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Dec 03 - 11:35 AM That sure beats rubbing your stomach and patting the top of your head at the same time! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: MMario Date: 13 Dec 03 - 08:32 AM migod! Nobody ever told us the Squid could harmonize! lookit him/her/it (?) over there, an arm each around a neat dozen ladies - and singing chorus with each of them! How does he DO that? (get the ladies - I know how to sing!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,Yer frined hte jint sqid Date: 13 Dec 03 - 12:03 AM i'v sqkaweezd all the limons an the grapfrut and hte lyms and bried an evn sharmin haha so now all thetsz left ta scweaz is ladys haha but i'l be karfull notto sacqees them too hart but jis rigt thell be sinning putcher arms areaound me skwiddie hol me tit |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Geoff the Duck Date: 12 Dec 03 - 08:52 PM Stily - How did you spell "sit on your shoulder"??? *********** Oh thank goodness for that. GtD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:20 PM That's one hefty budgie, Liz! I hope it doesn't sit on your shoulder too often! Thanks for moving the squid. But how much lemon juice did you need, MMario? He's fast--it looks like he's up to a gallon already. Do you think he could do the same thing for apples, crush them and make cider? I have a couple of cases of apples in the back of the pickup (don't say anything to him, but this is squid busy work to keep him out of the tub). |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:46 PM Not only that, a Giant Squid from Hu9ll!! At least it's in the tub and not up my.... hang on.... IT IS!!! Watch it, Cephy.... I know where I can get a 15 1/2 stone budgie who's just dying to chomp on a cuttlefish.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,freds Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:12 PM Excuse me, but did you know that there is a giant squid in your hot tub? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST, Yer Frined the Jant Skwid Date: 12 Dec 03 - 04:11 PM Hi thot Id tak a minute to wish everywon the best of the seasin and to tel you that I shur du like the jparty an bein in the hut tub iis the best of alll kaws of bein abjle to feel up all the legs and bods. Gotago hart to type wiht ten arms let me know what i cann do to help out but not to mkae calymary haha |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Amos Date: 12 Dec 03 - 02:25 PM Gareth thereby establishing his repute beyond question as a Welsh rare bit, although no-one will say by what... :>) A |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Gareth Date: 12 Dec 03 - 02:01 PM And far away, over the snow, a male voice choir start on the "Welli Boot Song" Yes the Aberflyhalf RFC Drinking Team is en route. All nearby sheep begin to run - the more depraved towards the harmonic voices. Gareth |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Geoff the Duck Date: 12 Dec 03 - 12:24 PM I always come to Mudcat for Sage Advice... I'll get my coat, then... |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,MMario Date: 12 Dec 03 - 11:08 AM no extra onions - but maybe a bit more sage to cover up the...never mind...While the Squid is at it; here - put the star on the TOp of the tree -(it's probably the only entity in the room that can reach the top of the tree while uhmmm "standing"?? on the floor!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Geoff the Duck Date: 12 Dec 03 - 05:33 AM He's been hogging the hot tub for too long anyway. It's about time he got out and made room for some of the new arrivals. Mmario - give him a crate of lemons, and he can start squeezing them for the punch. He should be able to do about 20 at a time with those tentacles. Just don't make the mistake of giving him an orange peeler, I remember the mess he made of the thanksgiving turkey when he got drunk and mistook it for Catspaw... And whilst he's doing that, can someone find his spare tentacles a dustpan and brush to clean up those baubles before Liz spikes herself on those as well - whoops - too late. Never mind Squeakie, I'm sure a pint of Delerium Tremens and a soak in the tub will put you right! See, there's room for about ten extras now the cephalopod has moved over to the kitchen door seat. Just a technical question - if what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander - do you need to put in extra onions? Quack! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Dec 03 - 12:54 AM Wow! Who's that behind those Foster Grants? I'll recant my identification of the christmas tree. It IS a silver fir, but I wanted to scare Rapaire into getting dressed. I see Moonglow up there with her nose in the tree branches, bruising needles and inhaling the fragrance. She looks like a cat on catnip. Plop! a glass ornament shatters on the floor. I think the cat is trying to get your attention, Liz! No, wait, the cat just nailed the tentacle that was undulating your way from the hot tub. Something tells me that we need to suggest that it's calamari time if that mollusk doesn't decide to shuffle off (especially since by the state of the bubbles in the hot tub, I think this character could blow any time now!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: My guru always said Date: 11 Dec 03 - 08:01 PM Crash, tinkle, thud.... glass balls drop merrily from the rafters having been batted around by a playful stray Tabby... Watch out below! Meeooowww... How on earth do they expect me to decorate this tree up here? Got tinsel in me claws now.... Ooops, sorry CatPHiddle, just missed, phew! Hope the Baileys pistol gets aimed up here, I'm gasping for a bevvie.... Lovely lap, by the way, Moonglow, very restful (sigh) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Amos Date: 11 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM Here, Lis, sweetie, let me help you down -- here, I'll get those bristles outta there for ya!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Catherine Jayne Date: 11 Dec 03 - 06:28 PM When you find the beer nicking squid fill my tankard up please!!! It must be your lucky night Liz......things been shoved up your skirt!! I survived christmas shopping on Oxford Street tonight......lets party!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: artbrooks Date: 11 Dec 03 - 06:25 PM Angel? Liz? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Rapparee Date: 11 Dec 03 - 05:42 PM Aren't you the Christmas Angel On Top Of The Tree? |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Liz the Squeak Date: 11 Dec 03 - 05:30 PM Could someone get this Christmas tree out from under my skirt please? I dunno, just because I wear a dress once a year, doesn't give you the right to go shoving prickly things up it..... Show me where that squid has gone with the beer - I survived a whole day at work after 6&1/2 weeks off - I DESERVE something better than a tree up the ass. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Rapparee Date: 11 Dec 03 - 04:43 PM Surprise! The pistols are fully functional Colt .45 Single Action Army. The tanks of water are for drinking in the high desert country. Drop the Supersoaker -- or better yet, let's you and me and a bunch of other folks get likkered up. (The Colts have trigger locks on them and the cylinders are empty; he wouldn't want anyone hurt. The loaded shootin' irons are still in the truck, along with the ironin' board.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: GUEST,water pistol pete Date: 11 Dec 03 - 04:29 PM Hah! lookit the sissy-boy with his fancy schmancy pistols. *reaches behind bar - pulls out a superior-soaker 9200 - fully loaded with seperate tanks of Glenlivet, Ameretto and Baileys.* Reach for the sky - sissyboy! |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Rapparee Date: 11 Dec 03 - 04:19 PM Back out to the truck he goes, shamed and reviled and mocked and scorned, the desire of the women and the envy of the men. He sighs, and removes what passes for his clothing. No room for individuality any more, he thinks, and it took balls to wear angora chaps too. He slides into his longjohns, the black silk ones that cling to every one of his well toned muscles like a second skin. Then the jeans, old and comfortable from those years in the saddle and the familiar old cotton flannel shirt. A pair of Tony Lama boots, well worn bison hide that fits butter-soft to the contours of his feet. Black leather belt and black leather vest, a black Resistol with a go-to-hell crease and a rattlesnake hatband. He slides out of the truck, reaches behind the seat, and pulls out his brace of faux-ivory handled pistols in their hand-tooled belt and holsters. He buckles on the gunbelt, checks each shootin' iron. Fully loaded, and two extra tanks of water behind each holster. Pulls down on his hatbrim, adjusts his mirrored aviator glasses, and saunters back into the Tavern. |
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Subject: RE: BS: MUDCAT Christmas Tavern 2003 From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Dec 03 - 03:41 PM Ohmygosh! I thought Rapaire was wearing saggy wrinked skin-tone longjohns under those chaps. In Mudcat Tavern there is no dress code (I make this assumption because there isn't a "No Shirt No Shoes No Service" sign), but if anyone gives you flak for your appearance, Rap, it would be best to turn the other cheek. And for heaven's sake don't back into the christmas tree--it isn't a silver fir, it's a Sitka spruce! |
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