New words for the 12 days of Christmas

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Mike - Wembley
Date: 14 Dec 06 - 03:54 PM

The "port and a double brandy" version was sung by Doug Hudson and if you ask, you can find him on

"Doug Hudson"

Tell him gooday from Mike ex-Tokyo!

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Rory
Date: 09 Oct 07 - 05:55 AM

Hey i'm irish living in Middle East and i remember hearing the ramadan song On the first day of ramadan my true love gave to me, a falcon in a plam tree, thats all i remember, well it's ramadamadingdong now but would love to sing it for our party at eid in 2 days time, (end of ramadan).

Any chance you could email it to me? [e-mail]

much appreciated

Rory

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 06:00 AM

Five choir boys
Four pairs of drawers
Three French whores
Two shithouse doors
And my Lord Montagu of Beaulieu.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 09:06 AM

... one from years ago, at home:
(I can only remember from '5' down)

Terence O'Neill!
The R.U.C.,
Big Bill Craig,
Ronald Bunting,
and The Reverend Doctor Ian Paisley.

B.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM

GUEST Rory - E Mail sent !!

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bru
Date: 10 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM

This is the best one I know; unfortunately, the text doesn't do the parody credit. It's much funnier to hear than to read.

          *       *         *         *

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me - is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Sending Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
five months of bills
sending Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree.

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
facing my in-laws
five months of bills
oh I hate those Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
the Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
sending Christmas cards
Oh Geez
I'm trying to rig up these lights
And finding a Christmas Tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
I want a Transformer for Christmas
Charities and what do you mean - your in-laws
Five months of bills
Oh making out these cards
Edith get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cards
And finding a Christmas Tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Finding parking spaces
Daddy I want some candy
Donations
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hang-overs
Now why they Hell are they blinking
And finding a Christmas Tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Buy me something
Get a job you bum
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills.
Yo-Ho sending those Christmas cards
Ah geez look at this
One light goes out they all go out
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Stale TV Specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
I got to go to the bathroom
Charities
She's a witch I hate her
Five months of bills
I don't even know half these people
Who's got the toilet paper huh?
Turn on the flashlight I blew a fuse
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking
aghhh
Charities
Got to make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending them this year - that's it
Shut up, you
Fine you're so smart you rig up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,BillyTEACHES
Date: 02 Jul 11 - 01:58 PM

Hello, all, from the Green Mountains of Vermont (USA): I have been looking for some time now--I remember hearing it on public radio in the late '80s/early '90s-- for the name of the author/artist of the "12 days" version in which an older Irish(???) dad keeps receiving different kinds and amounts of booze from his very "loving" daughter each day of the 12. By the final day, of course, the very sloshed old geezer is calling her every name in the book and pleading with her not to send any more or face extremely serious consequences. Any thoughts as to the name of this version? Thanx so much!

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Fergie
Date: 02 Jul 11 - 09:13 PM

Jazus! BillyTEACHES. please get a grip. It's the middle of bloody summer and you want to know about the Twelve Days of Christmas. Please get a life.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Vardabomb
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 06:51 AM

anyone know the rest of the version ending
3 french whores
2 shithouse doors
and a postcard very filthy ?
an old boy used to sing that every xmas when i first started working

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 07:16 AM

If BillyTEACHES is still looking - read the thread - words supplied by JennyO 13 Dec 04.

If Vardabomb does the same - similar words found at 17 Nov 04.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Jan
Date: 13 Dec 16 - 08:15 AM

Does anyone know the cute version for seniors

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 13 Dec 16 - 10:36 AM

On the (x) day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me…
12th Twelve Viet Cong Commies
11th Eleven Buddha statues
10th Ten – ao, dai, xanh!!! *
9th Nine knock off Polos
8th Eight egg rolls rolling
7th Seven cups of fish sauce
6th Six pairs of chopsticks
5th Five – bowls, of, rice!!!! (ba dum yum yum)
4th Four incense sticks
3rd Three moon cakes
2nd Two growing pills
1st (And) a free trip home to Viet Nam!

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 16 - 12:41 PM

Back story: I was doing a bit of home repair which involved the use of plastic cable ties. I noticed my supply was getting sort of low and wishing someone would give me a big bag of them for Christmas, an idea that evolved into this....

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - TOOLHEAD VERSION

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A big bag of cable ties

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Nine grinders grinding, eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding, eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding,
six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Eleven hammers hammering, ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding , eight planes a planing,
seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two mitre saws and a big bag of cable ties

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Twelve levels leveling, eleven hammers hammering, ten routers routing, nine grinders grinding ,
eight planes a planing, seven sanders sanding, six drills a drilling
Five Dremel tools
Four socket sets, three drill bits, two miter saws and a big bag of cable ties

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 15 Dec 16 - 08:18 AM

Originally written (to the same tune) as "Bookroom Blues" and starting "In my first hour in the book room I bought at a dealer's stand", but easily re-worded:

On the first day of Christmas my reading list I planned,
"A Stranger in a strange land".

On the second day of Christmas my reading list I planned,
Tolkien's "Two Towers"
And "A Stranger in a strange land"

On the third day of Christmas my reading list I planned,
"Three against the Witch World"
Tolkien's "Two Towers"
And "A Stranger in a strange land"

On the fourth day of Christmas my reading list I planned,
"Four from planet 5"
"Three against the Witch World"
Tolkien's "Two Towers"
And "A Stranger in a strange land"

On the fifth day of Christmas my reading list I planned,
"Jeffty is Five"
"Four from planet 5"
"Three against the Witch World"
Tolkien's "Two Towers"
And "A Stranger in a strange land"
. . .
. . .
By the twelfth day of Christmas, I had at my command:
"The wind's twelve quarters"
"Station Eleven"
"The machine in shaft 10"
"Nine princes in Amber"
"Our friends from Frolix 8"
"Seven steps to the sun"
Heinlein's "Sixth Column"
"Jeffty is Five"
"Four from planet 5"
"Three against the Witch World"
Tolkien's "Two Towers"
And "A Stranger in a strange land"


Any Sci-Fi or Fantasy readers will recognise some of the above.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: GUEST,Rob Young
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 01:11 PM

Fairly sure that this was from a Dickie Henderson Christmas Show.

And equally sure that there were 'Five washing machines'

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 09:15 AM

The alcoholic one was done by Bill Barclay - "a wee heavy and a half pint" being the final line, and each verse sounding progressively more drunk. It's on the Greentrax "Bah Humbug" CD which has many other parodies and "alternative" Christmas songs.

Then there was the McCalmans' own version, last line being "a worn-out McCalmans' LP".

Think I have lyrics for both somewhere. Will post if I can find them.

Subject: RE: New words for the 12 days of Christmas
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 04:18 PM

The crucial words for Bill Barclay's alcoholic 12 days:

Twelve days of Christmas – Bill Barclay

1st day: wee heavy and a half pint
2nd day: two nips of gin
3rd day: three black and tans
4th day: four Babychams
5th day: five Happy Days (Daze?)
6th day: six Carlsberg specials
7th day: seven rum & cokes (or cum and rokes)
8th day: eight nips of whisky
9th day: nine vodka'n'limes
10th day: ten creme de menthes
11th day: eleven Blue Lagoons
12th day: twelve Alka Seltzers

And here are The McCalmans in fine voice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucgmtoXgOn0