BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?

Subject: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:27 PM

Whine thread. Commiseration welcomed.

Early last week I made plans to meet some friends at a local winery after work for the winery's annual little Christmas Do - just meeting up with a few friends I haven't seen for a long time, for maybe an hour. I drive past it on my way home from work. I almost never socialize and know I need to break out of my reclusive habit. I worked a bit late, and in spite of having driven right past the place at about the time I was supposed to meet them, didn't remember until I was home and had supper cooking on the stove.

Last Sunday I had tentative plans to meet old work colleagues for supper and was supposed to confirm early Sunday afternoon. I remembered the next Tuesday morning.

Am actually home two weekends in a row with nothing on the agenda but a long list of personal chores that I haven't had time to tend to. Part of the reason I am home is because I supposedly absolutely had to get some personal business and chores done. Have been up since 5:30 this morning, and for the second Saturday in a row, haven't done jack sh*t except the dishes.

The bills aren't paid. The floors are not swept. I'm sleeping on the couch because my bed is piled with stuff that "needs dealt with" but to deal with it requires first dealing with cleaning out closets, purging files to free up more file cabinet space, etc. The leaves in the yard are not raked. The private practice notes from the past 8 days and the billing are not done. I haven't done spring or fall cleaning or cleaned out a closet or a dresser drawer in a year. The laundry is not done. Lettuce is turning slimy in the veggie bin.

Working 2 jobs 55-65 hours per week. 1 1/2 hour round trip commute daily. Teenage son. Tending aging parent 300 miles away.

Finally made time (I thought) for a friend last night, was going with Dani to a dramatic reading by Michael Malone and Alan Garganus of "The Christmas Carol." Had just got off the phone with Dani to confirm we would meet at her house in 40 minutes.   The phone rings again - a call from my son who is with his Dad this week as I was ready to walk out the door,
"Haven't heard from you. You coming?"
"To what?"
"Mom! The dance concert!" (he is a percussionist and was one of the musicians involved.)
"Oh Gosh, I forgot all about it. What time?"
"8:00. Seating at 7:30."
"I'll be there."

It was written on my appointment book. I had looked at it every day. It simply had not registered.

Dani was very gracious about my "no notice" cancellation, but sheesh!

Also forgot to call Mom yesterday to confirm I wouldn't make it up this weekend. I had given her a heads-up about doubt on Tuesday since I accurately thought I would be working pretty late every night and not likely to get essential chores done in the evenings that I had let go to zero hour, but still was hoping and left it somewhat open.

She was also very gracious about my lack of consideration when I called her this morning.

I did get some stuff done last weekend, but left yard chores for Sunday, and ended up laying down on the couch for a couple of minutes about noon and waking up at 4:30 Sunday afternoon.

I'm home today instead of in West Virginia because of "all the essential stuff that has to be done."

Like I said, so far, I haven't done jack sh*t but the dishes. I have e-mailed my boss at work about an issue. I've fretted a good bit about doing nothing. It hasn't stopped me from essentially doing nothing.

Fried.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:38 PM

C'mon girl. I mean; sleeping on the couch in your own home, while the bed is cluttered. Sheesh
If you do one job, make it to clear that bed before Christmas. It will make you feel better, it will probably make you sleep better. Once you get one job done it's easier to get the others sorted out. Forget the other stuff, and do the bed. it's a start. I know you say it needs space clearing for what's on the bed now, but I'm sure you can file that stuff bit by bit. You could put some of it on the couch I suppose!
Set your PC up to remind you of things that need doing, and places you want to go.
Keep me posted on your progress, I'll be looking out for updates!

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:40 PM

Dear Fried

I advise the liberal application of a nice red wine after shoving all that crap off your bed onto the floor and putting veggie bin outside to be hosed tomorrow.

Yours sincerely

a friend

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:55 PM

How 'bout accepting that you need some serious DOWN time at home for you only to just relax and if you think of just one small thing that you FEEL like doing that would make YOU feel better, just do that one thing and wait for "the spirit to move you" to whatever YOU feel like doing next. It sounds as though you are in exhaustion - mental, emotional and physical. A hit of magnesium might help. Alcohol is a depressant.

Actually, I was thinking of going folk dancing today but it seems like a better idea to just veg out. On a beautiful sunny day, but cold. Maybe I will phone a couple folks. Or just read a book. Maybe the woman whose health card I found on the street this am will contact me. I messaged her on FB. Maybe I will read awhile, I will keep up with Raccoon Network, I will look at lyrics and youtubes for Christmas songs. I might put the buttons on my coat, or take the broken zipper out of the jacket, or rearrange the LR ---- OR take a nap - until I FEEL like doing something else useful.

I will not "should" on myself. Sometimes we just need to BE.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:56 PM

Throw all the crap on your bed on the floor, put on clean sheets or straighten the ones on there if there are no clean ones, climb in and give yourself a break.
I am climbing out of a bad spate myself. Take care of you. The rest will fall into place.
I found a little trick to help me along. I carry a small "token" to remind myself that only today matters. When I find myself falling into the trap of not being able to do one thing today because tomorrow and next week and holidays and and and loom, I look at my token and remind myself that only today is important.
Take care of you. The rest will fall into place.
Much love,
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:02 PM

Get some rest. Take care of yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:12 PM

OK..yard can wait...till spring generally...does teenage son do much yard and garden work? If not, yoke him up. Filing can wait. CLothes can be put in baskets and just pick out the ones you need. Dishes are important. Spring and fall cleaning can be done next spring and fall. If you have friends who can help with billing, stuffing the envelopes or whatever, ask if they can come over for a bit and help. One will probably compulsively start wiping down counters or folding clothes..let her...

Son can certainly clean the bathroom, vacuum, keep up on dishes, especially since he probably has some holiday time. Between Christmas and New Years is a good time to declutter...with a friend or sister or someone to help make quick decisions. Travel light and take no prisoners...get rid of everything that does not serve a purpose or make you happy or is a family heirloom of modest size.

I personally would try to go into work to do the billing and catch up there, rather than in a house where I saw clutter and projects. I would cancel all pre-Christmas events that were non-essential and tell people I would see them around New Year's.

Call for help..if I were nearby I would come over and wash dishes or input stuff into the computer..people want to help...

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM

Well, doing a good deed I tore my right distal biceps tendon loose from the ulnar bone. MRI yesterday, surgery on the 14th.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Bettynh
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:26 PM

"Working 2 jobs 55-65 hours per week. 1 1/2 hour round trip commute daily. Teenage son. Tending aging parent 300 miles away."

Been there, done that, and it ain't pretty. At the very least, you're sleep deprived. That puts you in real danger during that commute. Can you get 3-4 days off both jobs in the near future? During that time, make no plans except to sleep the whole first day. Yup, all day and night. It'll help, trust me. Then I'd take a friend or kid (it's amazing how a sullen teen can turn into an interesting companion away from home) and go for a whole-day adventure. It doesn't have to be far or expensive, but AWAY. A city, a museum, a show. Somewhere you've never been, and without any extensive plans. If restaurants are too expensive, supermarkets are everywhere. Libraries have free passes to lots of places. Those coupon books in rest areas have coupons for cheap motels, and they really are a deal. Stay overnight if you have to or want to, but come back home and SLEEP ANOTHER 12 HOURS OR MORE. If you have time before going back into the grind, scrape out the slimey lettuce and pay the bills. Make another pile BESIDE the bed of that "important" stuff. The laundry will get done eventually. Leaves on the lawn are fertilizer by next summer. Figure out when you can do this again in a couple months, and do it.

{{{{{Janie}}}}}} (that's a hug) please take care of yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:27 PM

Aw man.

I guess I wish I were more sauteed, personally.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: ranger1
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:36 PM

Janie, ditto what the other Tam said.

I know what you're saying, though, going through something similar myself and ready to run screaming through the park brandishing a pole saw (I'd say chainsaw, but that's worse than running with scissors).

Remember to breathe.

Tami

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:37 PM

Some times it helps just to have confirmed that other people are in the same or a similar boat, hence the invitation to commiserate. There are not many things in the world about which I am not certain, but I know I am not the only fried brain out there right now. I am also well aware that my life is much easier than that of many people.

Know what you mean about those "shoulds" Dorothy. I try to practice what I preach, and if I did not I would be a bit of a basket case about now. I'm not. Just venting.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:48 PM

The private practice notes from the past 8 days and the billing are not done. Get that done, that's money for you, perhaps afford to take a day or two off and relax. Hey, I thought I was burning it doing 45 hours a week at my age (new job, showing willing).

Also let others know how throng you are- even son and mother- make it clear that your time is precious.

Other than that I can't help. I'll drink an extra glass of wine for you tonight.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:49 PM

Oops. One too many "nots" above. Lots of things I am not certain about, but, as subsequent posters have confirmed, I know I am not alone in this current boat.

And the UPS man just delivered a White Flower Farm potted amaryllis bulb from my ex sister-in-law. Think I'll spend the rest of the day watching it hydrate.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 03:16 PM

Been there, done that, still at it. I know how you feel. Numb. It sucks. I could offer advice but, since I know I wouldn't take myself, it seems, at best, silly for me to offer such. I'll just say that I hope you are able to throw off the funk.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 03:23 PM

Prescribed- a good sour mash bourbon or single malt scotch. Wine will just give you another headache.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: michaelr
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 04:13 PM

When I'm fried, I find it helps to get baked.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 04:33 PM

I just sent you a note on facebook, Janie.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 06:58 PM

Be careful Rap. Your wife might be starting to get suspicious. You seem to have developed a "thing" for torn muscles, ruined joints and surgical repair.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 09:56 PM

Well Janie, I'm fried too, but physically. Since yesterday afternoon my bowel has been obstructed by something I shouldn't have eaten but didn't realize it at the time. Which means I'm getting just as little done as you are but with much less guilt.

All the above advice is right on, clearly given by people who have been there! I hope you're not past being able to take some of it. You do realize it only gets worse if you don't change something, right? I'm put in mind of the saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. All the best!

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:11 PM

Ouch, Crowhugger! Get unobstructed soon.

Not at all above advice, and definitely took some of it today. Decided to call today a vacation and will plan on being bright-eyed and motivated in the morning, with a shorter "must do" list.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:29 PM

First thing on the list should be... just this one thing... jut one today... just one. If ya get two done, great, but if ya get one done, yer cool.

I swear I will get all the laundry done tomorrow, Janie. And, I am hoping to clean up the kitchen... but if I get the laundry done, the kitchen can wait until Monday. One day at a time eh? Are ya with me?.. one day at a time?

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 04:53 AM

Sleeping on the couch? Janie, you are caught in two vicious cycles. One is that you aren't getting proper rest and so you don't have enough energy. The other is that during sleep, the brain organizes itself. If you are sleep-deprived, you forget things and make mistakes the next day.

I'm esp. worried that you might fall asleep at the wheel someday -disaster!

But don't despair, I have two suggestions.

1. Go to this site

http://www.volksmusiknet.ch/

and click on musik-radio.

It will play lively, joyful and creative Swiss music for you. I'm being perfectly serious here. I find that when I have a real mess to clean up, that playing that music energizes my whole body. It's amazing what I can get done.

So play the music and get that bed cleared off.

2. You don't have to do it right. Don't worry about filing the stuff, boxing it or distributing it. Just stick it somewhere, anywhere. In laundry baskets, in handle bags (gasp!) or on the back porch.

Just get your bed back, get some real sleep, and be safe.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Maryrrf
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 09:07 AM

I've certainly been there. I used to listen to a talk radio show with a call in psychiatrist (it might have been Joyce Brothers) but she gave some advice that has really helped me over the years. She said when you want to break a pattern, tackle a problem, overcome an obstacle, get out of a rut, etc. - "take baby steps". To me that has meant, for example, in a decluttering situation, taking one small area at a time and focusing on that for one hour a day, or picking one manageable task that can reasonably be completed fairly quickly (I think I'd pick pay the bills as long as there's money enough to do that). This "baby step" idea, for me, works in a lot of situations. When I was feeling socially isolated, for example, and probably was somewhat depressed to boot, it meant forcing myself to turn up at a jam session I'd heard about but had never been to. The idea that you just have to take a "baby step" somehow removes the pressure, and maybe after you've paid the bills that encourages you and you decide to fold the laundry, and it goes on from there until things are looking better, and you're feeling better. Good luck - you'll pull yourself out of this funk.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 09:25 AM

Sheet fire, girl... No wonder you ain't been down to see us...

But there's good news!!!

Yup, ol' lexdexic hillbilly read the title of this thread as "I am fired, how 'bout you" and as I was readin' about all your various and sundry woes was thinking, "Gol danged, all this ***AND*** losing your job, too???"... So I was happy to see that you still have your job/s...

But now here is a little pearl of wisdom just for you: LACIBI... That's right... LACIBI...





















................life's a cinch, inch by inch...

Bow, like Paul Harvey used to say, here's the 2nd part of the pearl: "Life is hard, yard by yard"...

Smaller bites, Janie, smaller bites...

Wish I could be there to help but ol' hillbilly's plate purdy full, too...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 11:51 AM

Honey lamb:

Do one thing; take an object and put it away or empty an ashtray. Just do one thing to completion, even if a small thing.

Then find one thing to complete.

Just one thing.

Then... you know what comes next.

One thing.

A

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 12:24 PM

And if that one thing doesn't get done (it will wait until tomorrow, honest), know that you are loved and treasured by many here.
Mary, who will get the vacuum out one of these days.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 12:38 PM

Amos and several others are right.... one thing... then another...etc. But *I* know how frustrating it can be to chooseone.... and how extremely frustrating it can be to not finish.

When I have been WAY behind (like my shop is now that craft season is over), I usually break the spell by just getting a trash bag and tossing out all the 'obvious' crap that has been disguising the other stuff. Then, I do something that gives some immediate satisfaction and/or relief, like ONE load of washing. (Music playing helps). If someone can come over and just talk to you while you putter, it can ease the process...(yeah, I know, not always easy to match schedules when YOUR schedule is so full).

I DO know about bill paying... I HATE the process, whether I have money or not. I have gradually filtered it down by doing some automatically online... but sitting down to open envelopes and write checks is harder than physical work. I have dealt with it by sitting down with stuff in my lap in a comfy chair, rather than at a desk, where it feels like 'work'.

(I am aware that long work commute and tending to someone 300 miles away can't easily be alleviated soon.... but ummm... can 'teen aged son' be conscripted into some more of the chores? (I know they don't always
'see' the stresses YOU are under.)

Oh... and commiserations and virtual {{{{{hugs}}}} on the way, no matter how it goes. ♥♥♥♥☺☺☺☺ <3 <3

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Allan C.
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 04:47 PM

Erma Bombeck, I believe it was, said if you just clean your kitchen (or perhaps it was the bathroom - I forget which,) you will feel very much as though you have accomplished quite a lot.

You sound quite overwhelmed, m'dear. You display all the symptoms, including the overbooking, forgetting commitments, etc.. But I think you have already seen some very good advice above, the best of which is to take good care of yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 04:57 PM

There's one other possible solution. Buy me a plane ticket over, and I'll clean house in return. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 05:09 PM

Time for a change.
Draw your funds from the bank
Forget family, friends and kids (if any)
Buy a ticket to wherever (preferably with lotsa macho men)
Forget inhibitions
Come home and apologize (try to be contrite)

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 05:19 PM

Thanks Janie, doing enough better today to try solid food, so far so good!

re: Bill D «*I* know how frustrating it can be to choose one»
My husband's rule is always to start with the tiniest task; there is never a question about where or how to start, or what to do next; always the smallest task on the list. If 2 seem equally small, I don't think he gets stuck by that because he gets more done than nearly anyone I know. I'll bet he flips a coin to pick which is next, or arbitrarily does one then the other so he'll know which is bigger for next time they come together on a list. I wish I could function like that!

He is also a master at making accomplishment oriented lists. I wonder how much is gender socialization: Where my list might say "do dishes", his would say: clear table, rinse dishes, stack dishes, wash dishes, dry dishes, put away dishes, wipe counter, wipe stove, wipe backsplash... Which of us do you suppose gets the greater sense of satisfaction?? Which of us is the effective project manager?!

When I'm stuck though, what works best for me depends whether I'm exhauted or avoiding things due to emotion, be it fear or dislike or resentment or whatever buried negativity is associated with the chore. If it's exhaustion, no strategy works without time to myself first to regroup. If it's the latter, as much distraction as possible from the misery is the only solution to That Which Must Be Done--closet cleaning, leaf raking, quilt completion. That doesn't work for stuff like singing or bell practise, kinda have to pay attention & not be distracted ... but I don't get stressed by having to do those--doing more of those is often what puts the raking and the poop pick-up behind schedule.

My best bet for indoor physical chores: listen to music from my childhood, i.e. my parents' music: Herb Alpert, Peter and the Wolf, Kingston Trio, Chopin Etudes, Pete Seeger, early Joni Mitchell, Jefferson Airplane, Liszt piano concerti, Peter Nero, and early adulthood too--Joan Armatrading, CCR, Bach Orchestral Suites, Grateful Dead ... all stuff I rarely play any more except when I need to be transported from whatever my current miseries are. Then it's easier to put a dent in the chores. If I run through all that music before the chore is done, it's on to singing through all the songs my mother or father used to sing with guitar. By then even if the chore isn't complete I'll surely need food or sleep and repeat the process after that.

My best best for outdoor chores: Take at least one of the dogs along, always good for a laugh that takes me out of whatever emotional funk goes with the task--often as not, self-reproach for putting it off or resentment that his nibs didn't do it magically without being asked.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM

Be careful what you wish for, John:>)

I really am exhausted. I am concerned that I have given the impression that all has fallen apart. It hasn't though I more and more often am concerned that I am teetering on the edge in a number of respects. I work at keeping a positive and accepting perspective, but every now and then my coping strategies and defenses simply are overwhelmed. Lately that has been happening more frequently, and to be quite frank, it scares me when that happens. Even when I do not get completely overwhelmed, I feel like I am losing resiliency. I don't want to crash and burn.

There are a lot of people in the same situation that I am in, and even more who are experiencing much more significant stressors. I have the money to pay my bills. I have a job. I have a house that is paid for and while it definitely needs some repair and maintenance that is not getting done, only one thing that needs done is approaching critical status.

I fret about things that do matter, but that don't represent the end of the world as I know it. Some of the things I view as essential really are pretty essential. Some are not, though whether they are dealt with does make a big difference in my ability to take a deep breath and repeat "it is OK." Most of that category are things that I know are going to be more challenging to deal with down the road if they are not dealt with now. I don't have a sense that I will have more time or resources down the road with which to tackle those things, and in not having the capacity to deal with them now I am only creating greater difficulties for later because I don't anticipate having more resources later. Depending on the issue those resources are internal, external, or a combination.

Venting helps. Encouragement helps. Being reminded that I am not terminally unique regarding any of this helps.

Important to me is the supposition that what I am sharing and getting from all of you here will also be helpful to others sailing rough seas who might not be as inclined as am I to shout "Help!"

Bed cleared. Bureau not. Bathroom cleaned. Much but not all clutter in the frequently used living areas tossed into trash or into hiding. Checks written -but I forgot to buy stamps when I did the grocery shopping, so not in the mailbox - sorry Bobert - will see to that tomorrow - Private practice business not dealt with and I can hear the fragile lawn gasping under two weeks of accumulated leaves from my lot heavily populated by oaks. Last load of laundry in the wash. No dusting is gonna happen this week, nor mopping, but I will run the vacuum and shake the rugs before I go to bed, and probably will get the kitchen sink scoured. My own scattered shoes are all tossed out of sight into the rat's nest in the bottom of my closet. My son's shoes and general miscellany (he is only with me every other week and always leaves a midden pile) are either piled on his chair in the den or dumped in a heap in the middle of his bedroom for him to clear in the process of being able to reach his bed.

I'm off to run the vacuum now. I need to realize having a vacuum to run is a simple pleasure and a real luxury.

Life wasn't meant to be easy. It was meant to be life. Relatively speaking, my life continues to be easy. I especially need to remember that.

Love ya'll.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 10:36 PM

Hi Janie, so sorry you are tired and forgetful. Sleep and fun sound like the antidote, so I second that.

Why are you working so many hours? I've just cut way back, so as to put 37 hours a week in with mom and dad. Surely your tombstone won't say, "I wish I'd spent more time at work"....You sound like you're managing it on the last post. Good job!

love,
hg

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM

I've gone through several episodes of major depression in my life. Runs in the family. I'm doing my very best to stare another one down.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 10:47 PM

It does all come down to vulnerability... The older we get the more we dwell on it... We want to have complete control and not be a burden on others... Normal... Goes with that "life" stuff that you are talking about, Janie... Wish it weren't so but most of the folks here in Mudville are in similar positions... Maybe not you exact "un-finshed things" but those that may very well never get finished... Like I said, "Normal"... Part of the deal...

Dr. Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 10:50 PM

Hi hg,

I often think of you and your parents, and the love and values that sustain you.

An inspiration.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 03:33 PM

Well, we're still at it. Mom needs to be fed now, for the most part.
I try to stay in the present, which helps me a lot.

I think your unconscious is rebelling against the overload in your busy, busy, busy, life.

Andrew Weil's new book "Spontaneous Happiness" is a great multimodal approach to treating "depression." Hang in there, Janie....Lots of people need you.....

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 04:38 PM

Hi, Janie. I'm glad you got your bed back.

That Swiss music is something else, isn't it? Last week I heard some really sexy tangos and mambos in the alpine Swiss style.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Charmion
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 04:59 PM

Hi from Canada, Janie:

Been there; got the unpleasant memories. Your first post sounded mighty close to burnout.

December probably isn't as dark down there in the Southland as it is here, but lack of sunlight may also be a factor. Do you get outside much? I don't mean driving, either.

When I'm overwhelmed, or heading toward overwhelm-ment, I start the rehabilitation process with throwing stuff out. The reappearance of baseboards magically improves my mood.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Dec 11 - 05:02 PM

Leeneia, I am loving that station! Thanks so much for the suggestion!

Janie, dear one, I'm glad you're getting good advice and taking as much of it as you can. You Are Not Alone, and most of us belong to the been-there-done-that club. I am grateful that my list is (for now) rather shorter than yours, but it's been right up there, and likely will be again. Just keep taking one day at a time, pause to breathe and think of one thing you are grateful for. And don't worry about comparing your lot to others- your feelings are yours, and what you're experiencing is what YOU are experiencing, and it's valid!
In other words, we got your back, and you can vent here all you want!

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 02:03 PM

Thanks, Allison, I'm glad you like it.

One morning several years ago I had an insight that made my life easier. Every morning I would wake up worrying about the weeds. First I would visualize them choking my flowers, then I'd visualize them dropping hundreds of weed seeds. Then I'd visualize all the steps needed to get rid of them properly - - remove them, chop them up, bring up bags from the basement, bag them, stow them for eventual pickup, dispose of properly.

(Forget compost. They never compost.)

I was raised by parents whose motto was "If you can't do a job right, don't do it all all." My mother's plaids always matched and my father's wood working was always perfect. One morning I realized I didn't have to follow their example all the time.

That morning I realized that all I really needed to do was to yank up the weeds and throw them on a path to shrivel in the sun. And some day, maybe days later, I could bag them for disposal later. It was such a relief!

Dishes must be washed, but they needn't be dried. Bills must be paid, but they needn't be filed. Cars must be gassed, but they needn't be washed. And so it goes.

I still match my plaids, though.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 08:28 PM

Thanks for that link, leenia. That is definitely music to empower getting stuff done!

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 01:37 AM

Well Janie, the thread helped me not to stress out about my limitations. Often they piss me off. Between back and bowel troubles (unrelated to each other) I can be overwhelmed by trying to fit even basics of life in between the necessary rest and recovery times. I fry easily. Usually first physically and then mentally.

However, tonight I am refusing to be stressed by the fact that tomorrow late morning I have a rehearsal for which I have done ZERO personal practise due to other pressing things like illess and a company dinner with my husband (such events are a challenge with a recovering bowel, but hey he has a job and we can pay the bills--both are huge pluses).

Anyway tomorrow no doubt I will make a lot of embarrassing errors and maybe be the target of a few sideways glances but the hour will eventually be over--goes fastest if I just concentrate on the music. Later in the week I'll be stronger and I'll get my own part up to scratch, and the dress rehearsal and 2 concerts next week will go well enough. Has chronic illness finally worked most of the perfectionist out of me??

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 09:35 AM

I'm sorry for your troubles, Crowhugger.

But dish on the music. What instrument/part are you playing or singing, and what kind of concert is it?

Wait a minute - "concerts next week." Are you doing 'The Messiah'?
===========
Janie, I'm glad you like the Swiss music. Most people just stare at me wordlessly when I tell them about it - won't even give it a few seconds' try.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 10:57 AM

Janie, wish I'd opened this thread, sooner. Lots of good advice. I hear Dr. Weil interviewed on NPR about his new book, hg mentioned, It sounds really good. The first two things he recommends to begin treatment of depression are good fish oil caps and exercise. There's much more, of course.

I would add to all of the above to remember to NOT beat yourself up...those old "shoulds" as Dorothy mentioned.

You've had a lot of life changes and other things to deal with over the past year or so. Sounds like it has all snowballed, so let's make a snowman out of it, eh?**bg** Glad to hear you are in your own bed, again.

I don't think this applies to you, and you may already be familiar with it, but I think we all can enjoy it: Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.

Please feel free to call or PM if I can help in anyway,

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 07:40 AM

Hi janie, I know how you feel. Things have got so hectic here, right now I seem to run from one commitment to another, and then I just crash. a couple of extra and unexpected things have happened in the last couple of weeks and tonight I came home from early work, went to my room, crashed and slept for 2 hours until the phone rang.

A few years ago, after my youngest daughter visited from Austria, I went into my room and there was a big huntsman spider on the wall. I hate those things. They're not dangerous but they're ugly. I went and made up a bed on the couch in the living room, and slept there for three weeks. Plus I missed my daughter and felt sad that she'd gone back so far away. I got my neighbour to remove the spider, but I just didn't want to go back in the room..

Eventually I got back into the swing on living in my bedroom again, but I just needed that time out..

x freda

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST, Eb
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 12:31 PM

It is neat seeing your friends here, Janie- and I'm sure it feels good to you too. I'll add my voice to the choir by informing you that you are one of my favorite people to reflect upon. :) You just about typify the Mudcat to me, and I will always treasure meeting you at the Getaway.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 05:59 AM

I hope I get back top anotherr getaway so I can meet you too, Janie!

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 10:22 PM

kat thanks for the link to Portia Nelson's composition! While I've not actively been hunting it down it's something I've wanted lately to get my hands on again, having not seen it since my mother showed it to me some 15 or more years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 10:41 PM

One day at a time; one foot in front of the other.
My office looks out on Preble Street in Portland. The main homeless shelter and kitchen is half a block away. Some are responsible for their own problems; most are the victims of circumstance. But their everyday trials put my own in perspective.
Not belittling yours, Janie. Just hoping you can focus on what is right in your life. Sometimes that can drag us out of a depression.
If depression is taking over, find someone to speak with about it, Take the drugs needed to defeat it.
And know that you always have friends here to listen.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 11:16 PM

Actually, I regret mentioning depression - simply because that is not why I started the thread.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 12:44 AM

CH, you are most welcome. My sister sent me a copy of it, from years ago when she was in therapy. Rather than trying to scan it and make it readable, I googled and there were several copies available.

Janie:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Janie
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 08:22 PM

Somewhat less fried this weekend.

Thanks, ya'll.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 06:16 AM

Hey, neighbor.... thanks for starting this thread.

One of the things we do to ourselves when we get in a bad place is make it worse by convincing ourselves that 'everyone else' has figured this shit out. It's nice to know that others haven't. But, others HAVE figured out tools we don't know about yet. And we have some THEY haven't figured out yet.

It feels unmanageable, because it IS unmanageable.

Dick and Jane's calls, friend. we need 2 sessions: 1 to whine, the other to strategize. Write it in sharpie on your hand : )

Leeneia, thanks for the important lesson about giving ourselves permission to be ourselves. Should we start a new thread, or just glean from here?

I will tell you that I NEVER, EVER, EVER iron a piece of clothing. Decided years ago that nothing I hate so bad, and put off so much, could be good for me. The very few things I've bought that actually REQUIRE ironing go into a very small pile to wait until a daughter in my house runs out of money. On my family coat of arms: Fold It Hot, Iron It Not.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: ranger1
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:01 AM

Dani, about the ironing: those are my thoughts exactly! Although I trade yard work for ironing.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Maryrrf
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 12:14 PM

I don't really mind ironing but I just don't have time, or at least it's not high enough up on my list to take priority. But there's no need to iron when DOWNY WRINKLE RELEASE is available. It works like a charm,just spray, shake out the garment, and the wrinkles are gone. Unless you want starched creases, you needn't bother about ironing ever again.

Subject: RE: BS: I am fried, how 'bout you?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:13 PM

I only iron cloth I've had to pre-shrink before cutting to make things, usually quilts but occasionally clothes. I don't dislike ironing but it takes much too long. If I had the time to iron I'd probably rather use it to teach one of the dogs something new, or I'd read or write or sing, or pull out my guitar or banjo and start re-building the calluses I lost when I took up a cappella singing and handbells.

Dani that's the best coat-of-arms saying I've ever heard.