LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:50 PM

Squeam alert-- this is for LF only (local info).

Heads up's.

1. "We will not drill here"s diff from "we will not drill UNDER and THRU here."

2. Their main geol dude visited the church recently to take pix inside with wife. Cn CS did not have a chance to get an agreement for a copy of same-- which we could surely use.

3. Don't forget to let them see your land as a place where y'all (or others) could be shooting at any time. I just hate it when a critter has to be put down, don't you? Or when target shooting on one's property goes horribly wrong. Or when a chemo patient forgets to put on her glasses when she goes out back for stress relief with targets and..... or when a landowner can't keep OTHER hunters (tourist type) off the place and someone gets hurt....

4. Cn CS has some info you may want to know about these guys. Tell him I said to tell you what we told our chef.

5. Anger and exhaustion?!?!?!?-- YEAH.

6. Noise? Psalms.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:13 PM

I'm not sure about how the noise will effect me on a low day. I have ear plugs and can use them if necessary. Or I might go out in my moo moo and bald head and scream at the universe (that might just scare them away!!!). Either way, I'm going to be stuck with the noise.....not directly over our house/field as we denied access to all vehicles, helicopters included....but my neighbors.....well, they did full leases so the helicopters will be laying cable around the neighborhood.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

LOL at the picture in my head of MAGS putting the fear of Dog in them. Well-done, both of you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 11:30 AM

yes.

What a horrible situation - but we can have the same here - we own our land, but not what's under it.

how will the constant noise affect you on a low day?

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:51 AM

Well done indeed, Michelle!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

Ok. So they sent 4 people this time (LOL...if you say no to one of them, they send groups). They moved the stakes and I'm ok with it. I did let the dog answer the door and when I walked over to open it, they had backed off the porch and were standing in the yard. Made me giggle inside!!! Maybe they got the point...big dog...run loose...me get hurt. Who knows. The good news is that the stakes are there for seismic testing which means we will have a really accurate idea of what is under our land and that will increase the money coming in once it's all finished (I told them I am more concered about the water than the cash....don't get me wrong, I could really use it....but fresh air and the peace of the country mean more to me than the carrot of a check they like to hang in front of your nose). The REALLY good news is that because we were so adamant about NOT drilling for ANYTHING on our land, they aren't going to use the explosives here but rather around the outer edges of our property. They will put boxes here and a small metal stake into the ground to measure the waves from the explosives. NO drilling here. Perfect. Bad news? Helicopters are coming...starting each day at 5am and ending at sunset until mid May. I think it's a hassle but Pete is going to be one irritable puppy all month long....he hates big noise like that.

The men that were here were very nice, talked in circles, tried to avoid my questions until I told the manager (no need to talk to him on the phone now as he came in person), "You're pretty good at dancing around my question and changing the subject but the question remains...." LOL Is it terrible that I liked to watch them squirm for a change?

They asked why we didn't want to fully lease our land so I relayed to them what my husband said this morning. Leasing your land is like giving someone permission to come use your house and they take a dump in the middle of the living room floor and wipe feces on the walls.

They nodded in agreement.

I find the whole thing kinda funny in a very strange way at the moment....not sure why....but I do.

Ok. Onward with my day of puttering!!!

Enjoy your day!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

I'll be interested in the follow-up to this episode. Let us know, please!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:19 AM

Lily,
Can you not simply remove the stakes? Do they plan to drill on your land?
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:14 AM

Go get em.

Careful not to let that anger take over.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 09:48 AM

New discovery. Being really angry takes a ton of energy. Came home to wooden stakes with pink ribbons flying from them in our field yesterday. For those of you not living in north central PA, this means the gas drilling people were here. They do NOT have permission to be on our land or to do anything from the surface. I called about it last night. They returned my call promptly this morning all sunshine and roses. With our agreement, they have to give 24 hour advance notice AND SOMEONE HAS TO COME TO THE DOOR....we have a large dog and by letting us know they are in the field, we can make sure she stays here at the house.....it's a safety issue for THEM. Duh. Well, needless to say, no call and no one came to the house. They were all apologies and sunshine and roses. Seems to me we've heard this from them before. In addition, they put the stakes through our raspberry patch, blueberries, grapes and asparagus bed isn't far from there. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Gr. I called the main office this morning and got the secretary who was initially very sweet. Yes dear, we got your message. You'll have to talk to so and so who, unfortunately, is out of the office. I said ok and told her that she had workers coming to my house this morning (anytime now really) to discuss moving those markers away from the garden. I'll not agree to testing of any kind until I get to speak to a manager as this is the 2nd time they have breached the contract (yep....it's all in writing) and I want it addressed. She got an attitude. Go figure. I'm not too worried about it. Since they can't figure out WHY we want them to come to the door before being in the field, (even if they were to give 24 hour notice, which they didn;t), I'm letting Mags answer the door. All 120 pounds of her. Maybe THAT will sink in.
   So yeah. Being angry sucks up far too much of my energy. Enough. Attitude from any of the workers on my property will find a request for them to leave. Refusal to do so = 911.

:) They are here. GO MAGS GO.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:24 PM

my cancer scar still hurts 15 months after the op - but then it is just above the fold of my leg so gets stretched every time I sit or stand or walk. And as my physio emphasised, it'd deep as well as long.

I've also had the impression that while Dr B. started stitching edge-to-edge from my right side, he switched to tucking flesh under when stitching the last bit cos that has always felt very tight. My physio has worked on that very tight flesh several times & it needs more work.

love & hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:05 PM

Kat,

Thanks for the number....it might just come in handy one night when I can't sleep and am upset. I haven't really called a friend during those late hours even though I've been told it would be ok to do that.

And Rowan? Yes....I have support here (and in my life) in hearts....lots and lots of hearts!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the reassurance that things are more than likely just healing. I had no idea it could take that long for the inside parts to heal!!!

I spent the day in Ithaca today, all day....shopping. I got pretty tired around 3:00 (that's after about 4 hours of leisurely shopping) and got sick. BLAH. Still feeling kinda crappy but I guess I overdid. I did find myself a nice little light for a side table by my chair and 4 smallish purple planting pots which I will plant purple flowers in. Pete is building a shelf to span the upper part of our kitchen table window which gets a phonominal amount of sun...perfect for growing flowers and herbs!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 08:38 PM

A belated "Happy birthday" wish to you Michelle.

And don't forget that while things are healing (and it takes a longer bit of time for some tissue groups than for others) the chemicals dealing with killing cancer cells are also interfering with more normal tissue activities, including healing. Time is said to heal all wounds and, in your case, I'll bet this happens. Relaxation, meditation, communal support will all help the process; you have the last of these in spades (should that be "hearts"?) and now are ready for the first two to have their effects.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:00 AM

I had a vaginal hysterectomy and had so much scar tissue, it was painful for years until I found a female doc who understood and cauterized it. Also, five years on from open heart surgery and where they cracked me open still is very tender at times; not just the incision, but deep down. You have just been through an extreme assault on your body. It is your job to get out of the way, i.e. stop your mind from wandering down those dark roads labelled "What If?" and let your body do its healing. It is also important for your mental and emotional health. Speak calming words to your body; let it know that all is well and tell it thank you for getting you this far and for the joy you will have with it all healed up. Try not to claim it as "my cancer." That can fill your mind with all kinds of continuing relationships with it and I know that is not really what you want. Let it go, let it be gone. When you must speak of it, or think of it, use "the" instead of "my," okay?:-)

When Myrtle Fillmore was full of tuberculosis she started praying about it and repeated over and over "I am a child of God. I do not inherit sickness." She was healed and folks started coming to her for affirmative prayers. That was one hundred and twenty years ago when Silent Unity came into being. I know you have your own spiritual support/church there, but Silent Unity is available 24/7 and take phone calls from all over the world, from all walks of faith. My sister used to be one of the Silent Unity prayer operators. Anyhow, when you get scared and if it would help, you could always call them Silent Unity at 1-800-669-7729 (1-800-NOW-PRAY). I don't usually post stuff like this, but it seems it may be of help to you.:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:41 PM

My mom is 82. she had a cesarean at 40 years old in 1968. Huge scar across her belly. her scar still gives her twinges from time to time, especially after extraordinary activity.

Still early days Michelle. If something was wrong with incision there would be other signs, wouldn't there? Try not to worry. Worry is not good.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:30 PM

Yes.
I had a sharp pain for years which I was told was scar tissue inside. It did go away eventually.
Anyone else?

And happy birthday. The beginning of a whole new year.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 01:16 PM

I'm working on my montages and looking through some olders ones I made last year. I can't help but watch and wonder who that woman is with all the hair.

Also, question for those of you who have had a hysterectomy....a full abdominal cut hysterectomy. Did you have any on and off lingering pain after the outsides were healed? I'm having some pain....most like an ache if I put pressure on a spot on my abdominals...it worries me. DH says it's still healing under (yeah, but 3 months later?)there which might be the case...but it still worries me. I have a Dr. appointment next week and will be sure to talk to him about it but in the meantime, anyone else have this happen? You have to know that all weird lingering pain freaks me out and makes me wonder about my cancer spreading. :(

It's time to get outside and go for a walk.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:45 AM

Hey, I recall a time when if a man hugged another man everyone looked on in horror... Now guys hug all the time... Huggin' is in and folks don't give it a second thought... Cryin' ain't far behind...

Meanwhile, the way to get thru chemo is one day at a time... But it's more than that in that Good Lord has given us all today so, heck with the chemo, just live today to the fullest and all that other stuff will take care of itself...

Thanks fir the BIG HUG, Michelle...

Now go out and have some fun today... Even if it's sittin' on your porch listening to the sounds of spring...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:25 AM

You have achieved the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 04:11 AM

what a great birthday.

sending birthday hugs & wishes for many more perfect birthday (& other) days.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:22 PM

I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable with the crying business....just the way I'm wired I suppose!

Today was my 42nd birthday and it's been a WONDERFUL day!!! I spent most of the day with Pete out in the woods. We explored mostly by car but also did a little bit of hiking, found a beautiful waterfall and I had fun taking photos of Pete in his element. The weather was absolutely PERFECT to be outside.....high 50s, cool, crisp, bright blue skies....couldn't have asked for a nicer day! We spent some time with my mom (who gave me a dark purple bagallini bag that I've been wanting...WOOO HOOOOOO!!!), went to the cemetary to put spring flowers up at my nana's grave, stopped for ice cream and went home to relax a bit. I have been feeling really, REALLY good these last 2 or 3 days and am thankful that today was the same. I went to a yoga class, stayed for 45 minutes and left early so I could go to a Saturday night church service. I parked half a mile from the church and walked. Afterwards I walked back to the car even though I had an offer for a ride. It felt good to walk and take in the early evening air. I picked up some Chinese food for dinner on the way home.....got home to find that it totally sucked and decided it just wasn't worth being upset about and made myself a tomato sandwich instead.
    Pete gave me a 12 month subscription to OneTrueMedia which is the program I like to use to make my montages with. With a membership I can use an unlimited number of photos and can add both my own music and text if I like. I also have access to more music that they have at the site. It's something I really enjoy doing especially on days that I can't do much else. Perfect!!!   He's the best!!! When the local nursery has lilac bushes out, we'll get one to plant on the bank near the house....that's an annual thing for us. I always get a flowering shrub....the bank is getting to be quite beautiful!!! :)

Have a good night everybody!!!

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 09:48 PM

Tears can be so healing, honey. I am often struck at how many people do not like to cry in front of people. We feel we must apologize for a natural thing, just as a woman might apologize for nursing in public, another natural function of our bodies; both can be so important for us. If someone gives you a dirty look when you're crying just know they are not being honest with themselves and their own need to cry/vent/let go...crying can equal letting go which signifies a release of control, which can be another good sign in one's faith.

I think you made an interesting typo: ...as my birth approaches this year.. Just as Spaw has had a "new" birthday dating from his heart surgery and I have kind of counted mine from when I had heart surgery as we both were kind of "reborn" so may you feel a new "birth" leaving all of this hard work behind as you heal up!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM

Cool- I'm glad Pete's getting some attention! He must feel like the first-born toddler in the house of a newborn sometimes.

Sending you long-distance hugs for your times of tears, my dear. Don't be afraid to cry whenever you need to- listen to these wise mud-sisters, brothers and aunties!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 03:49 PM

Mary,

YES!!!! YES!!!! YES!!! His package DID arrive and I have been meaning to tell you!!!! Even though the pens (minnows...how cute!!!!) are sitting on the table and were used just this morning to write out some checks, I totally forgot to say THANK YOU!!!!!! He was tickled pink and very surprised that a package that came to this house was FOR HIM!!!!!!   Thanks for making my honey bunny smile...you are the best!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 01:26 PM

Michelle,
Keep in mind that sorrow is one of the stages of grieving. Maybe you have reached it. ut I suspect that maybe your "feelings" are just a bit closer to the surface right now. Happy tears. Sad tears. Grateful tears.
They are all good. And better times are ahead. Keep focussed on that baby soon to arrive. COme September this will all be behind you.
M
Did Pete's package ever arrive? I may have mis-addressed it. M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:55 PM

You know my stand on tears, Michelle. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:21 PM

Thanks Severn!!!!!!   

Ambien is doing the trick for me too as well as books. :)

As for it getting worse before it gets better.....as long as I know it will get better, I'm finding I can put up with an awful lot!!!

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Severn
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:07 PM

I've been offline for a while, but am hangin' in with you. I'm glad you're able to get things done. Early on in my treatments, i was lucky enough to have my good stretches of time coinciding with things I wanted to do, but later on, I had to cancel lots of activities because they fell on times of weakness. I didn't have a partner to see me through and be with me if I had to pull the plug on any activities I started if I reached my energy limits, and it will get worse before it gets better, but I'm damn proud of how you're seeing it all through and the spirit you show, so keep it all up! Use caution and good judgement.

Books helped me at times more than music ot TV when I was unable to sleep and was too sick to concentrate on other things and was bothered by sounds. Ambien did the trick for me for sleeping when all the medicines that were supposed to make you sleepy, didn't.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:00 PM

Bobert,

   Tell P-Vine to cover her eyes cuz I'm sending a BIG HUG your way!!!!!!

<3 Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:09 PM

Hey, Micelle... If you need to cry then cry... Meanwhile, the cancer has alot more to cry about 'cause it's getting a major butt whuppin'... As fir yer next birthday??? Yeah, you'll be here and for alot more to come after that one...

BTW, while hospice is a wonderful organization, you don't need to be reading about that stuff 'cause you ain't gonne be needin' them folks...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 07:50 PM

Today is a better day. My husband and I went for a ride in the woods and then to one of my favorite places to kayak. We walked around the lake for a bit and that did wonders for my spirit.

But the truth is, I cry every day. Sometimes for just a second or two but this past week has been a LOT more. I'm not entirely sure what brings it all on, I'm just weepy. Can't help it. I got a birthday card today with a sweet note in it and I cried. I also got a package from the Ovarian Cancer Alliance.....another lap blanket, pins, magnets, pens, survivor stories in print and a DVD and lots of literature for both me and for my caregivers (had a really cool list of things people can do to help that I might draw from if I need it). I opened the booklet for me to a page all about hospice care. That did it. BAWL. BAWL. BAWL. I can't get away from it. It's ok. I'm ok. And Susan...don't be surprised if I'm weepy at church...I swear I have no idea what sets it off sometimes.

I spent this afternoon writing some long overdue cards to people and it feels good...wish I had done it sooner. Tingly fingers (neuropathy from the chemo) make it somewhat more difficult to do so I just take my time and stop when I need to.

I know I shouldn't think it but as my birth approaches this year, I can't help but wonder if I will be here for my next birthday. I know it's not a guarantee for any of us but....well.....these last few months have brought that closer to home.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 06:29 PM

crying helps flush the body of toxins. tears are good for keeping the eyes healthy. crying releases stress.

Just you go ahead and cry.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:02 AM

I hate crying in front of others too. I always feel like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show - "Ohhhh Roooooo-oooob"
Sniffle blub and all I am trying to say is that I am fine.
Embarrassing.

And to the rude ones who stare at your baldness "At least when I had hair I washed it occasionally."

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 06:51 AM

Michelle, about the crying- I don't like to cry in front of others either, but it seems to go with the territory. Tears are honest at least, and appropriate to the reality you're living in. If nothing else, you and those who care about you will readily see the change as you feel better inside and out and don't need the tears in the same way. I'm glad you CAN cry.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 01:01 AM

Michelle, don't cry! And you gave me a great laugh right now! That
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
was just so damned funny! :)

I usually delete stuff like that before I send, but you were clearly one tired puppy.

Take care, get through tomorrow.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:40 PM

I hate when people ask me how I am and all I can do is cry. It's embarrassing.

I went to yoga tonight, it was a very gentle class. I rolled out my mat in the back and listened to the rain and thunder during the class….it was really, really nice. I felt tears before we even moved our blanket off to the side…..I miss my yoga SO MUCH.   I was able to do most of the practice with the exception of a twist to the right and bridge. Both were pulling on my port….particularly the twist. I think I must have tugged it pretty hard as it now is fairly sore. When I got home, I put an ice pack on it and am hoping I didn't dislodge anything. It would SUCK SO FREAKIN' MUCH if I had to have that procedure done again. ARG.

Anyway, the class was introspective and I probably could have hung out in turtle for a long time. I cried all the way home. I miss my practice. I miss going to class more often. I'm frustrated in with what my body can't do for now. I'm going to try to go more often. I can't stress how much I've missed going.

Coming home the peepers were really loud and there were hoppy toads all over the road….must have passed about 20 of them or so.   One sat just in front of where I parked in the driveway. I left the headlights on and went over to him and squatted down to get a closer look and he hopped towards me to get a closer look too!!! That made me smile.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM

My low immune days are yesterday, today and tomorrow. I went out today anyway. I also went to yoga. Screw it. I had energy and so I went out and enjoyed the day.

Michelle

PS. Allison, hang on sister...this rollercoaster is one of the old wooden ones that jerks so much you'll have whiplash in no time! (((HUGS))) and btw, Mom and I listened to your CD on our 2 hour drive...both of us singing along!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 01:16 PM

Just checking in to tell you I'm here on the rollercoaster with you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 11:54 AM

It makes me feel good to have the oomph to do normal stuff. And of course, then I cry. *shaking my head* Yep. I'm just not right.

ACTUALLY THAT MIGHT BE just RIGHT. tHE POSITIVE 9sorry capslock) stuff


The positive stuff provides contradiction to the negative slumpy stuff, and discharge results (that's the tears).

Remember, the tears are not the hurt. They are the healing FROM the hurt.

That said, you have to remember to balance the tears-time with attention-on-present-time stuff, take vitamins and drink water-- or you lose too much vitamin C. And sleep is part of that cycle-- a good part.

Don't forget to mind the sugars-- remember the emotional roller-coaster is affected by those, for you, too, based on past experience?


Anyhoo-- Ride 'em, cowboy. Yee Hah! :~)

And don't forget on immune-careful days you have two stuffy cootiesniffers!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:38 AM

Hey Sins,

They upped my Ambien to 10mg with a note that if it doesn't work in the first hour to take another one!!!!!! My pharmacist gave me the hairy eyeball and said she didn't know if the insurance company would approve more than one pill a day at that high of a dose and she was right! I'm not needing more than that anyway....one is enough!!!!!! Also...I don't need it everynight...maybe 4 or 5 times a month at the most. The higher dose works GREAT....as you can tell from my post above....I'll be sitting in my chair or at the table and next thing I'm out.

    I had a burst of energy this morning, so I did some dishes, swept the entire downstairs, mopped the bathroom, kitchen, dining room and hall and I might actually get some dusting done before the day is over. I'm also going grocery shopping. Seems odd to be happy to sweep, mop and dust....but I really am. It makes me feel good to have the oomph to do normal stuff. And of course, then I cry. *shaking my head* Yep. I'm just not right. And this morning, while I was sitting in bed, I looked over at a long mirror that is nearby and I decided something. For weeks I've been telling my mom and husband that I look like an alien. I tried on sunglasses at Walmart the other day and the larger ones made me look like a fly (no hair and giant eyes). This morning, however, I decided that I have morphed from the alien into the classic horror movie guy.....a big, lumbering, bald, albino man.....the one that all the children are afraid of but really, he's just a creeping looking misunderstood character. Yep. That about sums it up. Mom suggested I try my wig for awhile or a cap but it's too hot for that. So today I think I'll one of the baseball caps I have....I have a moss green one, a chocolate brown one and just the other day I received a GREAT package from the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition with a large canvas bag, socks with the teal ribbon on them (teal is for ovarian cancer), a notepad, a relaxation CD, literature, a water bottle, a really beautiful purple lap blanket and a hat with their symbol on the front and I believe it says Survivor on the back...maybe I'll try that hat today. I guess I'm just not in the mood to put up with being stared at on some days and these last few days find me to be particularly irritable. So, I'll give the hat a try or perhaps I'll punch someone in the face for staring a bit too long or reach out and help myself to a handful of their hair so they can join my club. *GRIN* You have NO idea how good that would feel...at least for the moment!

I hate to admit it but the thought of really being able to do that makes me smile.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 08:59 AM

Good morning.
Low thyroid equals memory problems, lack of motivation, generally foggy mental attitude. It sucks. But as long as you know it's happening you also know it can be remedied.
I love Ambien...but no one will give me any.
whine
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 07:49 AM

Good Morning,

    Here's to a day of looking for and staying focused on the positive.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:40 AM

I've been known to drop off while typing - once at work I woke with my finger on a key & had to delete a gi-normous number of lines!

oops

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 11:35 PM

Sorry guys. Apparently I fell asleep with my laptop.
no worries. I'm safely in bed.....this stuff makes me feel drunk.

Night all.

Michelel

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 10:17 PM

LOL! That's fun!!!!!

I spent most of the day in bed....not tired enough to sleep but too tired to do anything except read, so that's what I did.
That and cry. I'm just having a day.

I talked to my nurse oncologist about the platelet issue and my drop is due to the carboplatin, it's
expected and there's nothing to do about it. The local Dr. called to tell me that my thyroid is WAY low so there's going
to be another medication change and they are also adding vitamin D in a mega doseage as I'm pretty low in that too.

The nurse reminded me that I'm also just entering the time when the immune system drops so she told me to
expect to be exhausted and to try and prioritze better.

My plan for tomorrow is another day alone, hopefully making some much needed changes in our bedroom.....
I have a range of sizes of clothing in my closet and some of those need new homes. The clothes are just too big and I know
others who can use them....imagine the free closet space!!!! A dream come true!

Ok, in the vien of keeping this real....I took 10mg ambien about 15 minutes ag0 and my ability to type is
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Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM

15 months later, I've still not looked for info on the cancerous thingy that was removed before I even knew it was a cancer.

something silly - for Michelle

sending more hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 12:29 PM

That holing up and not seeing anyone is a good sign you are taking the best of care with yourself which is exactly what your body needs, honey. It is when we can stop, give up and let go for a bit, that your god can do its best work because you are being quiet and relaxing..opening to all healing. Your husband and Sins are right...give the research on the net, etc. a pass for a while. When we are ill, it is best to keep as much positive stuff in our heads as possible. Remember the glass is half-full, not half empty.:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 10:34 AM

Holding you (gently) in love, my dear!

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 08:31 AM

Well, looks as if the chemo is doing what it's supposed to do, Michelle... I mean, if it wasn't having this effect on the good stuff in your body then it most certainly wouldn't be going after the bad stuff, as well... This is the worst part... It's kinda like being in a small plane and doing a dive... But the doctors ain't gonna let you crash... They will pull back on the yoke when they have to and treat you and get you thru the sc arey parts...

As you know, I lost my late wife to cancer but she had a rare form of inflmatory cancer that has a less than 5% survivor rate... Compared to what you are going thru and how you are holding up I want you to know that you are doing great... I won't go into the stuff that the chemo did to Judy but just believe me that you should thank yer lucky stars for doing so well... Really!!!

Yeah, they never quite get around to telling you just how chemo really works... Just know that you are doing fine with it... They'll get you thru this part and then you'll be in the home strectch... In no time at all your hair will be all grown back and this will be just a distant memory...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 08:16 AM

Besides, 50% DON'T have a relapse. Why can't you be part of that 50%?
You are halfway home from the chemo. There is a beautiful baby in your near future. Hang in there, Lily.
Reading info on the web can be empowering but it can also be very misleading. Use the information wisely and if it is affecting your emotional stability, leave off for a bit.
I do puzzles and cryptograms on free sites to keep my mind functioning and sometimes make the time pass. If you can, try it.
And if you need to just sit back and feel miserable, it is OK. You have earned the privilege.
Mary