BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!

Subject: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:17 PM

Yup, after years and years of trying to figure out women Bobert (with the assist of the trust Wes Ginny Slide Rule) has it all worked out and in the final analysis...

...women is f'n nuts!!! That's it in a "nut"shell...

This ain't exclusively about the womenz who are shocked that they have to pay for their groceries at the check out counter...

This ain't exclusively about womenz wanting to clean the underside of the kitchen sink when company comes...

This ain't about scratchin', belchin', fartin' or any of the other good stuff that God gave us...

This ain't about beer... I mean, wine ain't beer, is it??? Didn't think so...

Or football???

Or carburetors???

I mean, yeah, the4y is some messed up people and so the Wes Ginny Slide Rule has come up with a brilliant idea:

Womenz Re-education Camps!!!

Yezzir!!! We get these people up to speed and everything messed up will turn into un-messed up...

Sho nuff will...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:23 PM

I don't usually 'pray' for people, but I will make an exception for YOU, Bobert, in this case. You will need all the spiritual help you can get when you try to implement those camps.... ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:24 PM

Have you told the P-Vine this? Do you value your life?**BG**

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:27 PM

See, folks... Kat asks if I have informed the P-Vine about my discovery...

That is Exhibit A that womenz are f'n nuts...

Hell, no I haven't... I ain't f'n nuts...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:44 PM

Bobert, run on into the kitchen and tell her about your conclusions. We'll wait here and you can come back and tell us all about it. After you get out of the dog house. (Does that new house have a cellar?)

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 09:52 PM

Magz post I'd like to enter as "Exhibit B"...

You think I'm gonna go in the kitchen an' tell the P-Vine about my break thru??? You nuts??? Well, of course you are... You is a womenz...

I ain't f'n nuts... That makes me a man... We are the smarter race... We know not to poke on f'n nutty womenz...

Sheeesh!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 10:16 PM

I just borrowed the rotary slide rule with the 18 foot long scale from the guy that built it for Cessna back about 1946 or so, and accordin' to my Kansas slide rule:

        Bobert hates Camp Counselors!

Womenz Re-education Camps!!! ?????????

Bobert knows all camp counselors are nuts to begin with, and now he want's to make 'em try to "Re-eddicate Womenz."

Don't he remember the axe murders that happened when one of them counselors went too far off the deep end the last time? Ya never been to camp 'n sat 'round a campfire. Bobert? The counselors are the ones who start those stories.

Li'l kids is bad 'nuff. You can get used to the stink. But a camp full a wimminz????

No thanks

John

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 10:25 PM

I know *I* am smart, because I figgered out about 60 years ago that there very VERY smart, clever girls, and I learned to not generalize about abilities, whether it involved race, cultures, ...or gender! The fact that 'some' men ...**grin**... can't cope with basic differences is ... ummm.. interesting.

Them 'womenz' can be frustrating sometimes, but they are no more "f'n nuts" than we men are.... and in many ways, they are as a group, saner. They don't start wars or, as a rule, beat up on each other just to show how tough they are.




Now, why do I suspect that 'someone' has a new idea about planting stuff or unpacking boxes?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 10:29 PM

Sheet fire, John... I think we been walkin' in parallel universes... I been to your camp... Think I was 12... Them womenz scared the crap outta me and then gave me shit for not being able to go the sleep...

Just more evidence that womenz ain't right... They nutz... Wanta scare a 12 year old with a bunch o' hooey so bad the kid can't sleep???

And don't wanta pay to the clerk at the Bi-Lo grocery store either???

Man, I'd hate to follow the schematic of their brains... Prolly as messed up as the schematic on the hardtop of the 1957 Ford Sunliner where the top went into the trunk to make it a convertible...

That's messed up... I know... Had to fix one of them tops... But them tops ain't in the same league as, ahhhhhhh....

...da' womenz...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: michaelr
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 10:54 PM

Bo, Bo, Bo... this is news to you? Lots of us figgered that out years ago... Thing is, we don't go around talkin' bout it - cuz we ain't nutz...

You know who was on the grassy knoll, or who faked the moon landing, or who's the real Santa Claus - you keep that shit zipped up, otherwise you can git in all sortsa trouble. Same with the wimmin...

You just say Yes dear and kiss her on the cheek and let her keep on believin' she's in charge. Just be nice to her an' everthang gone be allright. Trust me on this.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 11:02 PM

Sheet fire, michael-r, I know all that stuff... Yeah, just kiss up to' um and say they right when they is 100% wrong is the way to get along wid 'um???

Whose idea was this???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 11:25 PM

Bobert, old blues buddy, I ain't gonna take a stand on this. For one thing, my wife's a damned good shot.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 11:36 PM

My wife is a fine woman.

Aren't you, dear!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Jul 11 - 11:53 PM

Yeah, just kiss up to' um and say they right when they is 100% wrong is the way to get along wid 'um???

Whose idea was this???

Why ours, of course...we just let you *think* it's "100% wrong."

At least michaelr spelled it correctly...ain't no men in "wimmin!"

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:03 AM

This gem just about makes it worthwhile to read this thread: "See, folks... Kat asks if I have informed the P-Vine about my discovery...

That is Exhibit A that womenz are f'n nuts...

Hell, no I haven't... I ain't f'n nuts...

B;~) "

LOL

On the other hand- trust me - the Boberdz is nuttier than any woman. His whole future - his very life - rests on the P-Vine never reading his posts...

Sorry, Beaubie. The truth must prevail.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:19 AM

Men invented football, but you think WOMEN are nuts?

Poor dear Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:59 AM

I've had plenty of time to observe both men and women. I think they're both nuts! Women's way of being nutty, however, is usually only annoying and frustrating, whereas men's way of being nutty is often destructive, violent, and dangerous. Therefore, I think that women on average are by far the saner half of the race.

But I have seen someindividual exceptions to that...going both ways... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: michaelr
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:04 AM

Yeah, just kiss up to' um and say they right when they is 100% wrong is the way to get along wid 'um??? Whose idea was this???

Donno, but it works!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Dharmabum
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:15 AM

Here's a book you need to read;
http://www.amazon.com/Everything-About-Women-Truly-Basic/dp/1895854024

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:42 AM

Reeducation Camps? Camps? Camps!!!???

You are saying that they are all nutz but you want to put them all together in one place so that they can compare notes? In a camp, where they are away from home and hearth and likely to be a little cranky (This is not sexist. I would be cranky even to do without TV.)

This would not end well!!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:50 AM

sigh
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
bobert,
will you ever learn?
Jacqui just cleaned out the cellar. Now I know why. She is making room for you and your fellow nutters.
tchtchtch

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 08:27 AM

Heheheheheheheheheh................

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:37 AM

Good morning, ladies... My, my my, you all look especially lovely today... I like what you have done with your hair... Nice dress...

Howz that???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Will Fly
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:39 AM

22nd July - 14.37pm British Summer Time

Still with us Bobster? I checked the obituaries this morning but couldn't see you in 'em.

When do you come out of hiding (or Jacqui's cellar)?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:40 AM

. . . and then the Protestants came along in their motor boats.

Bobert, sometimes you ain't got the sense god gave a carbunkle, no offense.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:46 AM

That's a purty good start, Boberdz!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:48 AM

Little Hawk, I believe you have hit the nail right on the head.

Well done.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 10:38 AM

I would like to meet the first woman who goes thru Bobert's re-ed camp and see how much he then likes what he has created. As I often tell Hardi, "Uh, do you REALLY want to be married to your brother Phil?"

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 10:38 AM

Ahhhh Bobster, can I have your hubcap guitar after P-Vine kills you when she reads this????

Ahhh be afraid .. if ya need a place to hide you are welcome here old buddie

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 10:58 AM

Old Dude - you risk being confined to the Jell-O pool in Jacqui's basement. Be VERRRRRRY careful...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:01 AM

Sins
I will be good, I will be good .. I will be good ... I will be good

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:14 AM

Heck, if the Capt'n can survive the cellar I certainly can...

(That's not progress, Boberdz...)

Did I mention that I like ya'll's dress, ladies???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:18 AM

ah. The men are smartenin' up nicely.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:32 AM

ROFLMAO. There are still times that I love this "place".

My wife is of the "first-response-to anything-I-say-is-no" persuasion; but her brother's wife thinks that it's a family trait, regardless of gender.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 11:51 AM

Dan... "...if ya need a place to hide you are welcome here old buddie."

Dumb move, Dan. Ever hearda not leaving any witnesses?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:16 PM

Well, freakin' thanks so darned much. What's my dress look like, chopped liver?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:25 PM

...way *I* heard it was.."just wait till those Shriners come by in their motor boats"

whatever...The women wimmen will be buying gas for the motor boats.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:27 PM

999... too tight and too short... ya slut.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:29 PM

Gawd, Bruce, if there ever was an image I didn't need in my mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:36 PM

froggy... wait until he pulls it up over his head... he's a Celt ya know.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:43 PM

You-all leave Bruce's dress outta this. It's a different subject altogether!!

Bobez, you're either gonna live with 'em or live without 'wm, just like golden retrievers and grasshoppers and tree frogs.

If yer gonna live WITH 'em then diagnosing them by your standards of rationality is purely counter-productive, man. Jes' like golden retrievers and grasshoppers and tree frogs. You don't call THEM nutz 'cuz they do funny stuff, do ya? Well?

The thing about wimmin is, they do funny stuff too, but much more beautful than any tree frog. So, ya jes' learn to cope with it, man!!

Assuming you enjoy breathing in an' out, anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:46 PM

Thank you, Amos. Always the gentleman.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 12:53 PM

For shame, Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:32 PM

Bobert, it's time for Mr and Mrs Smack to pay a visit to Bottyland...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:38 PM

Hahahahaa... Google... "Did you mean: Bootyland"

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:44 PM

No gnu, Bottyland. Here, your 'botty' is the nursery term for your bottom! Perhaps Mr and Mrs Spank are better known than Mr and Mrs Smack in USA?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:49 PM

Anyway, what's on the Curriculum in these Wimmin's Re-Education Camps? How to pick your nose luxuriantly? Advanced Level farting? Skidmark Artwork? Loo Seat Levitation? Do tell!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 01:55 PM

Spaw will be doing a workshop on the farting I expect.

As for "Loo Seat Levitaion", I can't see that being on the slate. Perhaps a workshop on "Putting the Toilet Seat Back Up is Appreciated by the Lord and Master and His Dog" and "Look at the Toilet Seat Before Ya Set Yer Ass Down"?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:03 PM

My husband is laughing, I've just translated this thread for him. he says the most useful subject for Wimmin at this Camp would be "How to SHUT UP" and (advanced level)"How To Keep Quiet For A Long Time!" I suppose all men think we women talk far too much.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:18 PM

What did you learn today my darling at Bobert's cam for re-education
What did you learn today my honey? What in tarnation?

Well I learned to smile and tolerate your jokes,
I learned the proper way to light cigars that you smokes
I learned that all true wisdom only comes from blokes
And then I learned from the gals some holds called chokes

That's what I learned today my darling at Bobert's cam for re-education

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:29 PM

Perhaps if I do well in all my other classes, Bobert will let me direct my fellow females in the "How to Keep Quiet for a Long Time" lecture. It's something I know quite a lot about, actually.
Of course, my ex always referred to that as "the silent treatment" and didn't like it one bit so I'm a little confused...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:36 PM

I know, Becca72, men hate it when we go all quiet, they think they must have done something bad. (And they usually have!) I truly believe that men and 'wimmin' are so different that it's a wonder we don't end up murdering eachother. In many societies, the sexes are separated, working and sleeping apart for most of the time. I imagine this 'Wimmin's Re-Education Camp thing might turn out to be so pleasant, none of us will want to leave!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:40 PM

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Thank goodness. I was worried because I sensed you were upset about something. Just me I guess. I hate to see you upset. I'm going fishing."

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 02:51 PM

Hey Bobster, does it smell down there in the outhouse pit LOL
cause you got into a pile of it with this one ... yea I will pray for you.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 03:40 PM

My sister, it is told, was once told by her husband to Shut up!. She didn't speak to him for three weeks.

I, on the other hand, could never hold a grudge. When my three brothers hurt my feelings and I vowed I would never play with them again I was back within hours. I discovered that I needed them more than they needed me.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 03:52 PM

Being a big fan of taking things at face value, sometimes when I'm quiet it's simply because I have nothing to say...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 04:09 PM

MMFFTT! Really, Becca.... MMFFTT!!!!

That's the sound one makes when they slap their hand against their mouth to muffle the words.

Hmmm... if I click the submit button I am gonna be in the shit with Bobert... what to do, what to do?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 04:13 PM

Gnu you are always in the shit no matter ... it is by your very nature Yah

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 05:03 PM

Yeah, I spose so. But you can save yourself. If Bobert comes a knockin, don't let him in.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Midchuck
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 05:25 PM

If they don't talk to you, it means they're mad at you - but since they won't talk to you, you have no idea what they think you did wrong.

If they do talk to you, you go nuts trying to figure out what they really mean. I understand that many years ago, a woman said exactly what she meant, in plain, unequivocal language. A bunch of other women murdered her and buried her in a swamp as a traitor to the sex.

Of course, politicians do the same thing...does that mean that woman politicians are the worst of all, or does it mean that being a woman and being a politician cancel each other out, so that woman politicians actually do say what they mean? I dunno.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 06:04 PM

Good idea Midchuck... the more of us there are in shit, the less chance they will get all of us. I like your thinking and your bravery. Onward into the valley...

I SAY... who among you menses is willing to stand up and be counted as stupid enough to join Bobert's Army? Take one step and seventeen steps backward... or just raise your hand... yeah, just raise your hand.

You... in the back... did you raise your hand?... I SAW you start to raise your hand... whassa matter you pussy!?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 06:41 PM

ROFLMAO!!! This thread is WAY TOO FUNNY!!!!

:)

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 06:44 PM

menses?????????
That's it! NOt another word from me.



The SOunds Of Silence

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 06:59 PM

Whassa matter? Can't manhandle it?

Yeah, that's right lads... sabre drawn and pistol level... no horse... if I am the first to go down, so be it. Maybe if more of us went down the battle wouldn't be so bloody.

PS... I didn't know if that pervious post was too far, so, just in case it wasn't... >;-)

PPS... My name is gnu and I can't stop punning. I need help. Please give to the Sev a Punner Foundation. Every little bite helps.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:01 PM

"menses?????????"

I think it means lots of men.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:17 PM

That's what I thought, 999. Apparently, wimmin have a different idea... as they do for a lot of things. Take dusting, for instance. They seem to think it needs to be cleaned up regularly. They actually "dust". They just don't get it... if you don't move around much or too fast the dust stays where it is... what's the problem? I find that keeping extra batteries by the Lazy-boy keeps the dust where it should be for years.

Kinda makes ya wonder eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:31 PM

Well, this thing about womenz "shutting up" has me a tad bugged... When a womenz shuts up its just the calm before the storm so better get yer foul weather gear on 'cause it's not only gonna hit the fan but yer sorry butt is gonna be duct-taped to a chair just downwind of that fan... Some folks refer to it as being "up shit's creek without a paddle"... Nah, when the womenz shut ups you gonna end up in shit's creek with out no canoe...

But never mind that creek stuff... I have gotten quite a few ideas for "Bobert's Re-hab Camp" and may ask a couple folks here to lead some of the programs...

Seems the gn-ze could lead one on "Yo, Womanz, get me a stenking beer" seminar... That one should go over very well...

More later...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 07:32 PM

Bobert,

    See, you understand us just fine. :)

XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 08:07 PM

I've thought of taking the IQ test to qualify for Menses, but I was afraid I'd find out I wasn't smart enough....

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 08:16 PM

Bobert... I would NEVER tell a woman to get me a beer. I like mine in a glass and not in the back of the head.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 08:21 PM

Come on, gn-ze... Grow some balls, man...

Here's how it's done, "Yo, P-Vine... Get me a stenkin' beer..."

See how easy it is???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 09:26 PM

Police have only said that it may have been a domestic dispute. All we know for sure is that one man is in critical condition.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 10:41 PM

I ain't sayin notin more ... one things I fear in this life (besides Jello) is womenz   they can mess ya up really good bobster, my offer of a hidin place stands

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Jul 11 - 10:50 PM

olddude you are gonna LOVE this!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 02:18 AM

Bobert, have you serenaded the lovely P-Vine with this song lately?

You are a very brave bloke.......

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:03 AM

Right wimminz, what about a Menzez Re-Education Camp, eh? My word, the Curriculum would be endless!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:31 AM

Re-Education in terms of this topic implies that we have had at least a bare minimum of preparation in the first place.

When I got married I new nothing about the the Women Code. After eight years, I now know even less.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: maeve
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:49 AM

There's no hiding place down here!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 10:26 AM

get me a beer woman

GNU
You sweet talker you, it is hard to believe you are still single

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 03:57 PM

I can't believe Gnu didn't see that ... oh well

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amergin
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 05:52 PM

Bobert, you are just now realising this? I have known this for years. In fact my studies have concluded the time when women began going nuts, and in fact I have discovered the cure.

They began going nuts when they gained suffrage. This began their downfall to udder madness. Soon, they were not fulfilling their wifely duties; cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, and providing their husbands pleasure. Then, they started working outside the home. This made things worse, for it led their kids to run wild through the streets, protesting this and that, growing out their hair, not bathing because they were too stoned (though nowadays they are romanticised as hippies, when in actuality they were just bums with a purpose), and then the evils of feminism and bra burning. Now, it's worse, the women prance around actually believing they are equal to men, and not the weaker sex that they truly are. It can only get worse from here, my friends, if we let this continue. We must cure their mass delusions now, and take away their voting privileges immediately. Only then will they be put back where they really belong: the kitchen.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:06 PM

Now, Dan. Where did I Sweet Talk? I have never been anything but cordial and honest except to make a joke or two.

As for still being single, well, actually, I am divorced. I was married for 13 years, 5 months, 17 days and 11.5 hours, give or take a few minutes... and I'd rather think take a few. I'd like to take at least a decade but that can't be.

Took me a loooong time to crack "the" womAn's code but I did.

Not that I am bitter about it. Hey, it was my fault for being naive and trusting. I dunno if that is in line with this thread but I am a man and I can say whatever I like as long as I have a cute emoticon. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:24 PM

teasing you bro ...geeze LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 06:24 PM

Oh dear. Dan, SURELY you ain't gonna let Amergin crash at yer place too? Bobert and Amergin in ONE place... yer dead too.

Although, if it's gonna be a football weekend, I wish I could be there. With my Kevlar on, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 07:18 PM

You got it, Amergin... Thou my grand daddy warned me that they was f'n nuts and he came up before they was voting...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 08:15 PM

Sure they can, heck I may even take them to a Bills game, well it ain't much of a football team but it is NFL and not far from me. I got season tickets .. cause the missus likes em, not me ... UR welcome to join us. Kevlar optional .. I won't be loading that weekend LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 08:24 PM

Yeah, Oldster, when I think about womenz being f'n nuts I then think, "Hey, the P-Vine is a diehard Washington Redskins fan"??? That get me confused... I mean, being a football fan is almost like being "normal" ain't it??? But then reality sets in and I gotta just shake those notions off... I mean, even some football fans is f'n nuts... Check out the Phillie fans... They are all f'n nuts... Even the men!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 08:37 PM

So what if Bobert Codes Women's Cracks.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amergin
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 08:45 PM

That's what lubricant is for....

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 09:41 PM

Bobster
PM me her favorite player, shoot with my contact I will get them to sign something fer her, maybe even steal a jersey and sign it ..

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 09:52 PM

Heck, I don't have to PM... It ain't no secret that the P-Vine's favorite player is Art Monk, with Daryl Green in close 2nd place... I've met Daryl personally but not Art...

BTW, my dad once took an aging Babe Ruth to a baseball game at the old Griffith Stadium in downtown D.C. and actually got a baseball signed and brought it home and gave it to a 4 year old (me) and then years later, no, decades later I was still having to hear about how I lost the ball... Sheet fire... You don't give a 4 year old anything of value... My mom also says that she gave me a rare coin worth a bunch of money... Still gettin' blamed for that???

What's this thread about???

Oh yeah... Womenz as the whacked out people that they are... I mean, my mom still blaming me for loosing stuff when I was 4??? OI know... It's my mom... But she's a womanz, too, and I loves her but she is definitely f'n nuts...

Never mind...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 10:11 PM

I do stuff for free for the charities, they give me stuff. I will ask them to get one of the guys to sign something fer her

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 10:17 PM

At five years old I busted a set of wine glasses my mom got for her wedding. I still hear it every thanksgiving when she sets the table it goes like this. I once had a complete set but Dan broke them now I just have these remaining. If I could find a replacement I would just so I can get the 88 year old womenz off my arse for the last 50 years!!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 10:48 PM

Yeah, what is it about Thanksgiving that makes womenz ever nuttier than yer garden variety f'n nuts???

(It's havin' to cook all that stuff while you and yer buddies sit on the couch, scratchin, belchin' and watching football...)

Hey, you think that stuff is easy to do??? Heck no, it ain't...

Never the heck mind...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Jul 11 - 11:30 PM

The only Good Years we had were the tires on our car...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 09:19 AM

Lousy tires, too, except the racing tires, of course... The rest are "May-Pops"... lol...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 09:29 AM

http://www.replacements.com/

check out these guys olddude

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 10:00 AM

Hey Bobster can ya explain the great mystery of why the womenz gets so upset when ya don't put the toilet paper back on the rolly thing. I means ya think ya slept with Nicole Kidman or something .. they gets all angry and stuff .. what is that about, all ya gots to do is pick up the paper grab what ya need and put its back on the floor right, why the rolly thing anyways

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 10:01 AM

Thank you Jack maybe I can find the set I broke at age 5 .. so my mom will stop

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 01:03 PM

Well, there's this. And if you don't like that, try the old-fashioned way.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 01:28 PM

Good Lord!!! Shatner is absolutely right.

I always knew the man was a sage beyond compare, but now I have confirmation. ;-)

Bobert, you seriously need to open Rapparee's first link (in his last post below) and study it most carefully. Then apply it. Your problems will be solved.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 02:16 PM

olddude, the rolly thing keeps the loo paper off the floor, so menzez can't accidentally drop wee-wee on it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 02:59 PM

Eliza
now I get it thank you my friend. clear as a bell

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: KT
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 04:11 PM

womenz are nuts ... ???    this from the man who drives through tunnels with a paper bag over his head...   I can hear it now ~ "Gee, I'm sorry officer - I was jes' doin' what I was told when she told me to bag it!" Ain't that what you told him Beaubear?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 04:14 PM

Ol' Bobert does NOT drive through tunnels with a bag over his head. The P-Vine only has him do that during certain intimate moments. When he drives through tunnels he shuts his eyes real tight because of his claustrophobia.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 06:01 PM

Rap is technically correct... No bags... But bags wouldn't be a bad idea... Then there wouldn't be this temptation to peek...

Ahhhh, sorry LH, but my pudder has gone silent... I think it needs a sound card or something...

Tiody paper, Oldster??? I donno... I like putting it on the roller thing just so I can get it backwards... The P-Vine??? She never puts it on the roller 'cause she knows I'll do it...

More later...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 06:12 PM

Damn! You gotta borrow a computer with sound, Bobert. Shatner gives the one, the ONLY, the definitive answer to what makes a woman happy!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 07:59 PM

This thread is only half right:
Bobert Cracks



It was bound to happen.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 08:17 PM

Yep. He's been under a lot of strain. A man can stand only so much.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 09:13 PM

Oh, if ya'll really knew...

But womenz being f'n nuts has nuthin' to do with me being f'n nuts... I wish it were so but it ain't... I mean, I'd love to be able to take credit/blame... But sadly, they is f'n nuts all by themselves...

Now back to toidy stuff... The Wes Ginny Slide Rule worked several years about the toidy seat and came to the logical conclusion that more energy is expended putting the seat back down then leaving it up... Might of fact, the WGSR found that putting the seat back down is costing the world billions of $$$ in wasting time to keep the womenz race happy... That's right!!! Billion$$$... So if you are concerned about debt caps and defcits, leave the sumabich up and get some ear plugs fir the chin-music that is sure to follow...

What else???

Hmmmmmmmm??? I know there is something else....

Oh yeah... Womenz in f'n nuts...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 09:55 PM

Get one of those slow-fall seats, bro--the Japanese all have them. Then all you have to do is knock with your hip as you turn to leave and it will lower itself.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 09:58 PM

Sheet fire, Amos... The Japanese still poo in holes in the ground... Okay, may I exaggerated... That's what my brother told me after going there... I donno...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jul 11 - 11:36 PM

It's a ceramic chamber set in the floor, Bobert, not a hole! And it has water piped in for cleaning it.

Here's all the info you could possibly want about Japanese toilet facilities:

How it's done in Japan....

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 12:26 AM

The part about squat toilets being able to wash "stuff" onto your feet and legs is NOT exaggerated. Trust me on this -- been there, done that.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 12:39 AM

Perhaps! But they are better for accomplishing the basic purpose, because the muscles can work better in squatting position than when sitting. One can combine both methods, however, by squatting atop a western style toilet rather than sitting down on it. This also allows a slightly elevated view if you want to look out the window. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 06:44 AM

One word.... Stirrups

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 08:20 AM

Women are not nutz and see through men very clearly. It's like calling women nags, men call it nagging because they don't like to hear that what we are saying is right.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 08:31 AM

My wife is NutZ that's one of the many things I love about her.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 09:08 AM

She's Nutz in a good way.

Regarding the stirrups, Jack...childbirth is also far more easily accomplished by a woman squatting (or half standing) rather than lying helplessly on her back with her feet up in stirrups! Ask any midwife. If the woman is upright, then the force of gravity greatly helps her to deliver the baby. If she's lying on her back, gravity can't help her at all. The present barbaric and downright stupid method of delivering babies in modern hospitals is done strictly for the doctors' convenience, not for the mother's....although the majority of doctors probably aren't aware of that at all. They're just doing exactly what they've been taught to do by their profession (which teaches a great many rather odd things). It's convenient for them, because they can easily see what's happening and get access to it. It's not the least bit convenient for their unfortunate patient.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 10:12 AM

Put the mother at a 45 degree angle (head up, of course).

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:00 AM

Regarding the stirrups

I meant for the toilet LH. I am as unqualified as any man to adise childbirth methods.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:07 AM

Does that include doctors, Jack? (Hey! I think maybe it does...)

Yeah, I figured you probably meant the stirrups for the toilet. It got me thinking about other stuff, though, you know how it goes. ;-)

Rap, a 45 degree angle would certainly help. Better than lying prone, that's for sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:09 AM

Some sort of pit like and oil change bay? With a drain on the floor for the fluids?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:15 AM

Do they still use stirrups? Nasty, as is the clinking trolley of nasty implements. Then you have a cup of tea and ready to do it again. Perhaps we are nutz!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:23 AM

All you have to do is study human history and culture over the entire historical period to determine that, yes, we are nuts! And we're also very creative. And at times, brilliant.

It all depends how you choose to look at it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:46 AM

Boberdz, it has been brought to my attention that you do indeed drive through tunnels with a paper bag on your head. Surely you would not fib about something like that?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:50 AM

Metaphorical "tunnels?" But surely he only "drives" only one.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 12:05 PM

Havin' spent some time around Bobert...but not much, thank Christ!....I can understand why he wears a bag over his head when he's drivin'. Probably safer that way, and a lot easier on the eyes too. Other people's, I mean.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 01:29 PM

Well, things have progressed quite nicely since I last visited... LH has explained squat toilets and squat birthings... Hope them folks don't get them mixed up... I mean, I've heard of throwing the baby out with the bathwater but this could be very disgusting...

Nevermind...

Naggin'... #1 reason why men die earlier... Anything beats another round of naggin'... Right???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 01:30 PM

SINS... "Bobert Cracks"

Hahahahahahaaaa!!!

Amos... knock the seat with yer "HIP"???

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 01:50 PM

Men don't die earlier once you correct for smoking and violent behavior. So Bobert, stay out of the kind of bars where guys hit one another over the head with the chairs.

I hope you don't smoke.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 01:56 PM

bobert mentioned nagging. I don't nag anymore.

One the kickboard below a kitchen cabinet needed replacing. I went to the lumberyard, had them cut plywood into a strip. I sawed it to length, sanded it some, primed it, painted it. I tried to attach it, but I didn't do it so well, and it fell off.

Instead of helping me attach it, my husband threw it away.

That was a few years ago, and that space is still open, rough-looking and dirty. I've decided to ignore it. I can't do everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 01:56 PM

Well, Gnu, you can use your dingaling for all I care. The Toyo toilets typically have seats that don't crash down but sort of glide down, like a pneumatic-suspension Citroen at "finished with engines".


A

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:17 PM

Well, leeneia... I'd sho nuff lo9ve to be yer hubby... The P-Vine??? Nag the warts off a toad... She wouldn't have done any of those things you did... She'd just crank up the P-Vine Nag-erator and I'd be getting that board fixed...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:22 PM

And then there is the subject of the toothpaste tube...

1) Squeeze from the BOTTOM
2) Replace CAP.
3) Put back on SHELF

Menzez can't remember all this.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:23 PM

"Instead of helping me attach it, my husband threw it away."

You should have retrieved it and hit him with it. (Of course not, but... ?)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:44 PM

I always remember to squeeze the toothpaste tube up from the bottom.

I am a man.

My mother is a woman.

She squeezes the toothpaste tube in the middle and ends up with a total mess.

Your theory doesn't hold water, Eliza. ;-)

She also hogs the TV remote to the point where everyone else simply gave up even watching it! Another treasured popular gender theory goes down the drain. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:54 PM

Hogs the remote? "Give us the GD clicker!" Hahahahahaa.

Canuck (22 Minutes TV show) joke.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 03:58 PM

No video feed on this "clip" from 22.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 04:01 PM

My God. I could only take about 30 seconds of that and I had to close the page.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:10 PM

OK Little Hawk, I concede there are exceptions to the rule! What about the vital issue of Dirty Laundry IN the Laundry Basket? (Not on floor, on cupboard, on table, over bath etc etc) And also,why do men love to keep wearing the same socks day after day until they pong? I have a secret theory that men actually like to have a smell about them, maybe it's a territory-marking thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:23 PM

ARGH!!! I know what you're talking about, Eliza. ;-) I wear a new pair of socks every day. And I do generally put dirty laundry in the laundry basket. (Not ALWAYS...but generally)

Matter of fact, I think I've been a conscientious objector to most of the more obvious aspects of the male lifestyle ever since I was, oh, in Grade 1 or thereabouts. I do enjoy challenging standard commonalities.

I think you're right about the Alpha males subconsciously marking their territory by their body odor. Very basic stuff. Well, I resigned from the whole damn thing long ago. I may decide to incarnate as a women next time, but we'll have to wait and see about that... ;-) I can see some advantages either way.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:28 PM

Little Hawk, you sound very civilised and sensible! Actually, I never do mind tidying up after a man, and seeing he has clean laundry etc. And there are far more serious things in life than silly old toothpaste tubes. Most happy relationships between a man and a woman depend on tolerance, kindness and a sense of humour! So... vive la difference!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:41 PM

But you're not MARRIED to her, are you, LH?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:45 PM

"I wear a new pair of socks every day."

You mean some people don't? Besides people down on there luck? Oh, that's just wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 05:50 PM

"Her"? I'm not married to anyone, Amos. There were a couple of women I considered marrying years ago...but I thought better of it. And a damned good thing, I might add! ;-) It would've been a disaster in either case. I basically like living either alone or in an extended cooperative community of some kind...like an ashram or a small tribe of people with people of all ages. I have nothing against marriage, I admire those who have good marriages, but it's not in my blood for some reason. At least not so far.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 06:22 PM

Word on the street is Todd has had just about enough of Ms. Sarah thinking she knows everything in the world so...

...hang in there, LH... Who knows... But don't expect her to wash yer socks...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 09:22 PM

I always put on a fresh pair of socks every day. But every fourth day I have to take them all off and start over, or I can't get my shoes on.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 09:52 PM

froggy... you got webbed toes? I do. Well, #2 & #3 on both my feet are webbed half way up. I can swim like a gannet. >;-)

I wear size 11-13 heavy winter type socks all year long even though I have size 8-12 feets. They are looser - my feet are wide. That thing about big feet is true, although the size 11-13 socks ain't about length... the girls I used to go out with never had an issue abouth the lenth of my socks but they liked the fact that I could swim like a gannet and had a big wingspread.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 10:25 PM

Gnu, you're not from Innsmouth by any chance, are you?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 10:49 PM

I think Sarah could be a fun date for a restaurant and movie, Bobert, but I can't imagine marrying her! She's feisty and all, but not really my type.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jul 11 - 11:09 PM

gnu, *g*

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 01:12 PM

Bobert, ya got it all wrong, pal. Her brain is bigger, better, more emotional, more intuitive, and more full of words thanyours, is all. Nothing nuts about it.

Here's the REAL story.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 01:21 PM

Yup, like I've held all along, they is f'n nutz... Who cares what color the table cloth was as Aunt Pearl's Thanksgiving dinner 10 years ago???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 01:29 PM

It's not the color of the table cloth, man, it's what you said after four glasses of wine, and the WAY you said it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 02:15 PM

Lesson(#5): Push yourself to listen ever harder, and to respond aloud with your reaction so that your wife knows you heard her. Above all, recognize that sometimes talking is her way of processing.

So, when my wife would refer to the colour of a table cloth ten years ago I wasn't suppose to utter "What in sweet fuck are you talking about? Could you get to the fucking point? The game is about to come on and I do NOT intend to miss a minute of it trying guess what crawled up yer ass."?

BTW, what colour was it?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 02:26 PM

If your wife remembers the color of a certain table cloth from 10 years ago it is because she either loved it or thought it was particularly hideous and she thinks you share her taste in things....maybe. LOL I don't know.

Bobert...you probably are right...we're all nuts. But you love us. What more needs to be said? Stop trying to figure out the impossible you silly, silly man.

:) Love you Bobert..bunches and bunches!!!

XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 03:47 PM

"Understanding women: Something that is impossible for members of the male race to do. Seriously, don't even try to do it.

John: "I don't know what the hell she's thinking. I've been trying to figure it out for the past 30 minutes"

Joe: "...why"

Source, Urban Dictionary

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 04:29 PM

And ol' Bobert loves all the womenz... Does it change the fact that they are f'n nutz??? No, it doesn't... But they sho nuff look better than men and got nicer toys in their toy boxes... Heh heh...

Nevermind...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 07:11 PM

Whut? Better'n 4X4s fer runnin the back country with yer buddies and not sayin shit all day ceptin "Ya want another beer?" Now, that there is true conversation. None a my buddies EVER commented on the colour a my T-shirt after I asked if he wanted another cold one. If he had, he'd still be lookin up the road, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 08:46 PM

After readin' gn-ze's above post I have PM'd Joe Offer recommending that we begin immediate drug testing here in the Mudpit... lol...

What color the T-shirt was??? I mean, who cares???

Was it blue??? Green??? Red??? White???

Give me a hint...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 Jul 11 - 10:11 PM

Given the games the boys play, the Tshirt could be a wild mix of shades, with everything in evidence from heavy grease to three colors of paint.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 10:52 AM

I have a dream that a man not be judged by the color of his tee shirt but by the coldness of his beer!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 01:39 PM

Bobert... "I mean, who cares???"

My point exactly, which is I why I'd'd left him on the road at the next piss stop.

Ebbie... I prefer white Ts so I can bleach out the grime and grease. And on accounta Bud usually gives out free white Ts when the have a promotion on their products. Next promotion is on 15 packs a Bud Lite so I won't be gettin any free Ts on accounta I'd rather be fat than sober.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:02 PM

What if a man doesn't drink beer?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:06 PM

Then he needs to have his DNA tested... lol...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:10 PM

"What if a man doesn't drink beer?"

There is nothing wrong with drinking wine spritzers with the "gals" and listening to "Lady" Gaga.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:10 PM

But...I don't do that either!!! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:19 PM

A real man, whether he drinks beer or not, won't admit that he doesn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:34 PM

Thatz right, JtS...

In some of my songs
I have casually mentioned
The fact that I like
To drink beer...

(Tom T. Hall)

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:42 PM

You listen to Lady Gaga alone while not drinking? Call 911!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Becca72
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:50 PM

Gnu - "listens to" "lip synchs to" tom-ay-to/tom-ah-to.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 02:57 PM

Practicing the dance moves in the mirror, using a toy headset made out of old turkey bones?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Becca72
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 03:09 PM

hehehe

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 03:26 PM

Let's call the whole thing off.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 03:33 PM

oh oh Show tunes!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:12 PM

Real men are secure enough in their own identity that they can easily admit to not drinking (or liking) beer, not watching sports events, and not being from Newfoundland! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:17 PM

Real men don't even give a shit about being called real men!

(but real men will play along with a joke!)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:32 PM

"I am a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess. Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati." Red Green.

"Keep yer stick on the ice." Red Green.

"Keep yer stick in yer pants." gnu

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:37 PM

Better dan a stick up yer arse! JtS

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:39 PM

What IS a real man, anyway? Does it require certain physical features or is it merely a question of attitude? What I figure on maybe doing is dumping the whole damn thing down the chute "next time" and coming back as a woman instead. Being a woman could be pretty cool. The only thing I can't work out about that is the idea of having sex with men...not so appealing!...but I guess maybe that won't seem so problematical once I'm there in a woman's body.

Well, I'll just have to wait and see.

I plan on being the slender, active type when I reincarnate as a female, so you dimwits who are into the Dolly Parton-style gigantic breasts are just going to have to suffer! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 04:51 PM

NO man likes big tits... for very long. Trust me.

Having said that, I think I could go for Dolly, even with the big tits. Now, that's only if she is really so lovely in real life as she is on the talk shows. She appears so down to earth and smart and seems like such a fun loving and nice person. If so, I could put up with the twins.

PS... Bobert. How am I doin on the code part?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:01 PM

I agree, gnu. Dolly Parton seems like a marvelous person to me. She's got a great personality. It was just the gigantic breast fixation in some men that I was referring to...no criticism of Dolly Parton herself was intended. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:02 PM

Yo, LH... Everything is possible these days... If you don't drenk beer, scratch, watcf football on TV and spit then maybe you need to call 1-800-HIM2HER... Word on the street that if you call now they will throw in a $100 certificate for gooey makeup...

What code, gn-ze???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:30 PM

Now lookee here, Bobert...I only do them things through natural processes. Reincarnation, that is. I got no intention of lettin' some crazy sawbones snip off bits of me and graft on other bits and turn Glen into Glenda...nor do I wish to jump the boat on the present drama I am playing out here on Stage Earth. The present drama has cast me as a man. We clear on that? You wanna get yer voice raised an octave and do away with the dangly bits and facial hair, go right ahead! Me, I'm waitin' for my next life to make the gender change.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:32 PM

But you are already the slender, active type.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 05:33 PM

That's true. I like being slender and active, regardless which gender we're dealing with.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 06:00 PM

So we will see, some day in the far future, a scrawny and frenetic hussy loom onto the Mudcat screen, replacing the scrawny and frenetic scoundrel we have learned to love tolerate?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 11 - 06:03 PM

Oh, piss off, you unconscionable scoundrel, you beggar's armpit, you pestilential, egg-sucking knave! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: olddude
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 10:38 AM

LH has been taking the home "Spaw" course on how to win friends and influence people LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 11:19 AM

An aside here: I currently manage a 40+ unit apartment house and I've been worrying that when I come back I'll come back as a plumber- and I'm going to just hate it.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 12:03 PM

Well, LH... Should all this dieing and comin' back stuff occurs soon maybe you can apply to be one of the Floozies in Bobert's Blues Band???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 12:17 PM

I'll give that some brief consideration, Bobert. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 12:30 PM

He'd look good playing a mouth harp in diapers...golden locks waving in the breeze, and cute little blue eyes, under the watchful gaze of a loving Mommy. Cute as buttons. Yowzah!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 01:24 PM

No diaper wearing Floozies, Amos... I have my standards, you know...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 01:32 PM

Good one Ebbie.

As most of you know, I'll be back as an alcoholic woodpecker.

I was explainging reincarnation to the ex... that you come back as something different. She mused as we drove through PEI dairy farming country and said she'd like to come back as a cow. I said, "Yer not payin attention."

Am I there yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 01:34 PM

Waughhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

And you survived?

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 02:41 PM

"He'd look good playing a mouth harp in diapers"

playing a mouth harp!!!

Euphemism? ;-D

LOL Gnu

Of all the things I wonder about, one of them is not why you are divorced.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 02:54 PM

Speakin a yer cows... since you were wondering... we both sliced off the tee into a cow pasture and were looking for the balls when I spotted something odd. I lifted up the tail of a cow and could see half a golf ball. I said, "Hey! This looks like yours." When I regained conciousness...

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:14 PM

Sour grapes, gnu, are bitter. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:18 PM

(Saying this so that none of you have to.) Udderly so!

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 11 - 03:25 PM

Wise words, Ebbie. But, I never bitter.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Aug 11 - 04:18 AM

Bobert -

Having observed your commendable seeking for understanding of this difficult subject over such an extended period, it occurs that you might find some help through only a fairly minor effort.

The news reports that the Aussies have come up with something you apparently need, and at least for a while it's available with a clear description of what you must do. While it does require international travel, other enjoyments might also accompany the effort.

'The Female ****** Explained' offered on Qantas flights.

Although it's from the Aussies, and a documentary that may or may not have "high production values," it is reported to be about the most popular item on their current in-flight entertainment list.

And so far as I could tell it doesn't have anything to do with 'roos or wallabies (although one never knows 'bout them down-unders).

John

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Aug 11 - 08:27 PM

Wow!!!

I always wanted to go to Australia...

Should I take the P-Vine with me or....

I mean, is this a "full service" (wink, wink) flight, or what???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Aug 11 - 11:34 PM

bobert -

From the Aussies I've met here, my first guess was that it's a nature film about the mating of wombats, but the article does sort of describe something a little more "relevant(?)."

I could go for a visit down under, but the air fare from Kansas to anywhere that Quantas lands would clean out the bank and we'd have to stowaway as baggage for the rest of the trip. They probably don't even offer you some pretzels down in the hold.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Aug 11 - 12:19 PM

"I could go for a visit down under,..."

That's a good start.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Aug 11 - 12:59 PM

Just got an e from a buddy... females of the opposite sex, and even those of the same sex, should not read this post beyond this point...

Seriously... The following cotains subject matter by immature males and may be offensive to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

RUN! Leave me behind... save yourselves... I ain't gonna make it anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Stringsinger
Date: 14 Aug 11 - 11:38 AM

I like to hear the stories from women. They illuminate.

The next time a stupid football game comes on the T.V. there should be a concerted effort to either throw a brick at it or throw it into the trash. If it's a guy thing, count me out.

This thread isn't so much offensive as it is an acknowledgement of cultural stupidity.

It would be funny if it were about the real issue, some women are shooting themselves in the foot by proclaiming that all men think a certain way. They don't. Neither fortunately do all women.

Re-education camps need to include both sexes but without the drug of political persuasion, anti-choicers, religious females (Bachmann, Palin), and should be voluntary.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Aug 11 - 12:02 PM

I like a good game of football, but I beg to differ.
When a stupid football game comes on. I turn it off.
That's all you have to do. Turn it off.

Subject: RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Aug 11 - 12:09 PM

Just like a stupid thread, which BTW, I don't think this one is...

But reminds me of an old Woody Allen joke: "Don't go to that restaurant... The food is lousy and the portions are small..."

BTW, Strings, me thinks that part of life is being able to apply a little sense of humor... That's what this thread is all about and after, what, a couple hundred posts by both mud-men and mud-womenz there haven't been too many, other than yours, by folks who didn't fully realize that we're just having a little fun...

Life's too short to be serious all the time...

B~