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At Least We Had Paris ...
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Subject: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,guest Date: 09 Jul 00 - 02:37 AM For many years, the thought of caring for someone so deeply that it hurt, didn't cross my mind, because I knew it wasn't in the cards for me. So, I threw myself into my career and looked straight ahead. I was a shooting star in my little corner of the corporate world. Then, it happened, someone stole their way into my life and stopped me dead in my tracks. The inclination was to turn and run as fast as I could, away from the temptation. But, like all temptation, it was smooth and sinewy and worked it's way around my defenses and straight to my heart. Oh, it was wonderful, and I hadn't been this happy and content in eons. The protectiveness and caring were overwhelming and I didn't feel the need to be the boss of everything. We saw into each other's souls and I knew that I could never lie or keep anything from this person and the feeling was mutual. When someone has looked into your soul, there are no more secrets. There were complications and obstacles, but none that caused me to feel uncomfortable. There was unabashed acceptance, between both of us. Then, one day it just stopped. Now, I go through the days wondering what I did wrong. Was it something I said? Was it something I did? Was I not pretty enough, or smart enough, or thin enough? Did I get too close? But, of course, that couldn't be the reason, because I was invited in and asked to trust. And I did. With absolutely no reservations. I would have been happy with just a portion. I never asked for it all. Now, I go through the motions of living. Putting one foot in front of the other; smiling and nodding at the appropriate times; pretending that all is well because I am an independent soul and all must be well. I want to crawl away and die. I want the hurt to stop. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I do nothing. But I want to find the reason and sanity in all this.
IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: sledge Date: 09 Jul 00 - 03:45 AM Says it all for me, I wish I could be so articulate as to express it all in such a way. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Peter T. Date: 09 Jul 00 - 09:13 AM Welcome, guest. Many of us have walked this crummy road. There is no reason or sanity in it. It is doubtful that you put your heart on sale, not from what you say, and that you were treated cheaply does not mean that your emotions are cheap or worthless. That you decided to trust someone who was untrustworthy may mean that your aim was bad, but unless you continuously aim badly, nobody's instincts are perfect. Sometimes you have to just trust, and hope. It is better to be open and trusting, and get hurt, than to be closed and suspicious and wither away. And, as the poet said (and some days it is about 50-50 or worse), it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. And you have discovered that in spite of what you thought, "it is in the cards for you" after all, which is something to know, to take away from this. There is someone better for you out there: give it another chance, maybe not today, but sometime. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Morticia Date: 09 Jul 00 - 09:50 AM I ache for you, I really do. As Peter said, it's a road we've all walked and that doesn't help one little bit does it? He's also right when he says, you're better off playing the game and taking a gamble than standing on the sidelines and watching......and that doesn't help either ,does it? Don't let it make you bitter and mistrustful or this person has taken far more than your temporary peace of mind and it sounds to me like they don't deserve even that little bit of you. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,King Menalaus Date: 09 Jul 00 - 09:51 AM What?Who?Is that you Helen? |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Callie Date: 09 Jul 00 - 09:54 AM Welcome Guest. Hope your heart heals a little as you read through these threads. Look through the "divorce" thread. Although the situation is different, you may find some songs and poems which might bring a little comfort. blessings Callie |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,guest Date: 09 Jul 00 - 10:47 AM Old sufi proverb: When you lie with dogs, you wake up with fleas |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,flamethrower Date: 09 Jul 00 - 11:07 AM Perhaps Guest, guest should have signed "anonymous". This person is obviously no "guest" to the Mudcat Cafe because they feel safe enough to post yet not safe enough to give their name. Use of the word "anonymous" is not always in an effort to be secretive on the other hand the word "guest" is not seen as a friendly appellation on the Mudcat Cafe these days. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: jayohjo Date: 09 Jul 00 - 11:09 AM That all sounds incredibly familiar, as I'm sure it does to many many others - I promised myself I'd never fall in love, I was sure it all caused too many problems and nobody wound up happy. Obviously, I did, and proved myself right! But everything in life is an experience, whether good or bad, and we can always learn from everything. Also, bad experiences mean you can appreciate the good times more - cliched but true. I think music is probably one of the greatest healers though, which you obviously already know, so keep singing/playing/both, and take care. Hugs and good thoughts, jayohjo XX |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,King Menalaus Date: 09 Jul 00 - 11:16 AM And I thought my wife was in a menàge a trois And I wasn't invited. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Night Owl Date: 09 Jul 00 - 11:40 AM dearest "Guest"...it's soooo hard to trust....in life itself sometimes. Thank you for that incredible piece of writing you've shared with us through your pain!!! I hope you can find a way to keep patience with your self for now and the ups and downs of the days and nights. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,King Menalaus Date: 09 Jul 00 - 12:13 PM Well, it has been about 5000 years now. But thanks anyway |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Naemanson Date: 09 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM This doesn't quite fit your situation but I'd like to think it's a song of hope for a brighter future. The storm is over, the night has passed, The sunshine lights my way at last, I want the things I've lately missed, Just waiting now for my next first kiss. I walked your road over the last six months and now I walk in sunshine. Your clouds will part too. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Amergin Date: 09 Jul 00 - 12:52 PM Also check out this thread: click here Amergin Careful about using quotation marks within links, Amergin. Quotes are usual - but optional - but you have to have two sets (open and close) if you use them at all. The thread was partially locked until I deleted the quotes |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: katlaughing Date: 09 Jul 00 - 06:25 PM Such heartfelt anguish and pain, expressed so well deserves to be reiterated:
IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
From light 'til dark we wander alone
The hours go by with words of "we must"
Time goes by too fast for real life
I blinked my eyes and you were there.
I blinked my eyes and you were there
TRUST
In the grand arena of life there are no secrets
Tell me who you are and how you've survived
Trust is the answer to all that we want
I lay in a pool of shame and humiliation
From twilight to midnight and on through to dawn This is from me, my sister/friend: cherish your heart and give yourself love...this is going to bite him on the ass...no karmic brownie points for this kind of behaviour. Concentrate on what you can learn from it, without being bitter or afraid...I've been there, too, and I know that like Sandy Paton once quoted to me when I was in despair about my mom passing away...
If I had a thing to give you, luvyakat
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: bflat Date: 09 Jul 00 - 07:28 PM I am truly sorry for your pain. You have an anguished voice. I do know it because I recognize it in myself. Yes, it is better to have had Paris than never. But, I believe the only thing better is to be happy for yourself in who you are and what your life is about. Another person isn't going to do the happy thing for you. Another person is someone to share your life with not be your life. Things break. What do you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. Live in the moment. And let music soothe your soul. bflat |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: JenEllen Date: 09 Jul 00 - 08:13 PM Been there myself a time or two. At the time there is nothing uglier, and you wish you'd never been born. Time passed and I found things to laugh at and friends to hug, the gaping hole in my heart shrank to a little bruise. I'll wish on a star that the same will happen for you. ~Elle |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: kendall Date: 13 Jul 00 - 07:02 AM I had a similar experience two years ago. It was pure hell, but, it is true that time is a great healer. That's why they make you wait in the doctors office. As Kate Wolf sang,..my wounds are all healed, and I'm back on my wheels.. I will never close the door to the possibility that some nice lady will be willing to put up with me. In the meantime I have everything I need.NEED that is. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Little Neophyte Date: 13 Jul 00 - 07:41 AM There is nothing more painful than a broken heart. It is the worst pain I have ever felt. Yet no matter how much I have felt hurt from loss I have also gained strength in my ability to love. Sounds almost like an oxymoron, but it is true. Kendall is right about that door. Eventually you will open it again to let the sunshine through. Until that time, be kind to yourself and find comfort in friendships. This period of time you are going through right now is the most difficult. Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: kendall Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:12 AM believe me MC, seasickness is worse than love sickness. First you afraid you are going to die, then you are afraid you're not! |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Peter T. Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:18 AM Yeah, but at least on a boat you have the illusion you are getting somewhere. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,Andy Green Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:47 AM I can empathise with you, the same thing happened to me about 3years ago. I felt physically ill, as if I'd been slugged. I felt as if the heart had been cut out of me and I was never going to let that happen again. I didn't for a while, but its like a death in the family - life goes on, and mine did. I am not fantastically in love but I am happy. Three years ago I thought I would never smile again, yesterday I wet myself laughing (dont tell anyone though will you I might look stupid) Andy |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 11:59 AM Captain Morse gets seasick? Now there's a revelation. No boats for you until until your vocal chords are healed. Not a pretty thought is it: Kendall rupturing his vocal chords in an afternoon squall. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Trite but true. We've all been pampered and treasured even it was only temporary. It gives me something to look forward to when I find the right man AGAIN. In other words, It is a possibility that I will make the same mistake twice. Why are we always drawn to the "bad boys"? |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Mbo Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:09 PM While the good boys sit at home waiting... |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:16 PM Mbo!!! Get off your butt and go out!!!! THere is a whole worldful of pretty girls who would be thrilled just to sit in a park or on campus and listen to you play and sing. In fact, it's pretty selfish of you not to share the wealth. Now, I want a report on Monday morning listing contacts made, phone numbers collected, follow up calls and dates. Pretend it's a job search. Wish I were 20 years younger. M. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Mbo Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:21 PM Oh, there's a girl alright, but it's a long wait till we're together. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: katlaughing Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:23 PM I go among the trees and sit still. All my stirring becomes quiet Around me like circles on water. My tasks lie in their places Where I left them, asleep like cattle...
Then what I am afraid of comes. - Wendell Berry - |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Wesley S Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:30 PM There are people out there { male and female } that are "addicted to the attraction phase". They give off all the right signals - but once they own your heart they lose interest and move on. Most of them don't even recognize the problem in themselves. They hurt a lot of people that way and it sucks. But "guest" - in the long run wouldn't you rather have the emotional equipment you have now as opposed to being one of them? At least you can feel something - the "attraction addicts" can't. Just remember - "this too will pass". Stay open to your next opportunity - it will come eventually. You'll be glad you did. "When God closes a door He opens a window - but damn those hallways are dark" |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: kendall Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:31 PM why do you pick the bad boys? excitement, challenge etc. Nice guys are dull, there is nothing to "fix" It seems to me we are drawn to a person in whom we see the qualities we either lack or deny in ourselves. Then, the very qualities we were attracted to are what eventually turns us off. No, I'm not a psychologist, but, I stayed a Holiday Inn one night. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Jul 00 - 12:54 PM Meebo, I hope you understand this, but there are a lot of girls out there who make great friends. Believe it or not, some are NOT looking for long term relationships and are very happy with wonderful platonic friendships, unencumbered by sex. Some of the absolute best friends I have ever had are women, and not just at my "advanced" age now, but when I was in college too. There was a whole co-ed gang of us back then and although there were pairings, it never stood in the way of buddying around, hangin' out, or just shootin' the bull. You need to get out away from this bunch of old farts. We do care about you and really value you as a 'Catter, but there are so many more folks out there of both sexes!!! I dunno....it was one of the greatest times of my life and since you're into a little Dylan now, check out "Bob Dylan's Dream." I can't get through that anymore without tears. That's what youth is about and I'd give anything to live those times again, but the song tells the truth. Take advantage of all the 3-D things and people you can NOW. You can never go back. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 01:24 PM Spaw's right, Mbo. You need to get out and have fun. Go to a movie or visit a museum and have lunch with a friend. Just get out and talk to some people your own age. We all love you. I for one want to hear you, just once, say "I had a great time last night. I did... Have any of you ever tried..." My niece is here with me in NY and suffers from the same syndrome. She never goes out unless someone else plans the entire adventure. Then she has a wonderful time and a week later is moaning that she has no friends and nothing to do. Work half as hard on a friendship at home as do on your cyberfriendships here and you'll be busy all the time. In my college days (ancient history) if a guy showed up on campus with a guitar, he would have a group gathering within minutes to sing or sit and listen. Try it. Now, before you take any of this to heart, remember I just said "Spaw is right". I may be wrong or insane. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Mbo Date: 13 Jul 00 - 01:29 PM Ah, if you could only understand how it is NOT so simple. But this is not a thread about me, and you can all return to the original topic now. Bye. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 02:21 PM I thought I had gotten over the disappointment of losing him. Now I've remembered how he hated to have his hair mussed up. He had the most beautiful, thick, grey hair. And I couldn't resist it. Damn! I could have done without this thread. I'm joining Mbo. Bye. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Little Neophyte Date: 13 Jul 00 - 02:35 PM Well if Dr. Kendallot is correct and we tend to draw to us a person with whom we see the qualities we lack or deny in ourselves. I figure then that is a great place to start working; on ourselves that is. That way I will hopefully attract someone who mirrors to me something better to view. Bonnie
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Jul 00 - 03:37 PM I don't know if we choose people completely on that basis, "hole filling," but if Kendall had spent a second night at the Holiday Express he might have added that we are not always driven apart by the things which attracted us. Fifteen years later, I have no idea what attracted me to Karen, but 20 minutes from the time I met her, I knew I wanted to marry her......and I asked her a couple of days later. She fills gaps in my life as I do hers (and she can tolerate my crap...a major plus), but we both felt the same attraction then as we do now. Although I must add, the love is much stronger now and the feelings grow every day. I think I need a night at the Holiday Express or a few at the NYCFTTS, because I have no idea what draws us together or tears us apart. For all I know its fate, because in the case of Karen and I, I have no other explanation. Spaw
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Jul 00 - 03:49 PM Oh Spaw. That is so beautiful. How come fate hasn't been similarly kind to all the rest of us? I'm glad you are happy together. SS |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Little Neophyte Date: 13 Jul 00 - 03:57 PM SINSULL, I figure Catspaw & Karen are an inspiration for all of us that, that kind of love is really possible. Bonnie |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: katlaughing Date: 13 Jul 00 - 05:00 PM Gosh, Spaw, you are getting downright fill-oh-fos'cle...might make that degree pay off, yet...but, yeah, what you said and then some...I have no idea why Rog and I have managed 21 years and still it seems to grow in depth and meaning. I do think a major part of making it is not expecting each other to be everything for one another; gotta have friends and some independence for it all to be balance, imo. kat |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Pseudolus Date: 13 Jul 00 - 05:01 PM I found this and wasn't sure if I should share it. It's very old but I read it every now and then to remind me of the days when I needed it most. I thought it was pretty corny until the day I was able to relate....
While looking down the road a bit I saw an awesome sight Of Friends I've known and places seen And all the world was right On closer view I noticed things That didn't seem to fit Images of times gone wrong When life wasn't quite a hit When looking back I noticed That the lows didn't seem as low the highs weren't high as I remembered There was never far to go I saw my life so clearly now From now back to the start But there was something missing That filled my heavy heart Why can't I have somebody To share my love and life Where is the one I'm looking for To forever be my wife A voice inside me whispered A soft and calming sound "As comfortable as the road may seem, you need to turn around" Look Forward, dare to take a chance There's one thing I do know The high you seek can not be had, Without willingness to risk the low.... I've always felt that the happiest people are the ones that are willing to take a chance...... Frank |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: GUEST,kendall Date: 13 Jul 00 - 05:22 PM A friend in the used car business says :There is an ass for every seat. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Jul 00 - 06:02 PM And the key to the sale is the test drive....so now all we gotta' do is get Meebo to get someone in the seat. Get their friendship, get their confidence, get their trust, get their money.....line from the movie "Used Cars" but every saleman of any kind knows it by rote. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Jim the Bart Date: 14 Jul 00 - 01:25 AM It's passion that makes us feel alive. The pain that you are feeling now is the price that is part of the bargain. You can love without passion, just as you can live without love. But what's the point? I know this is all small comfort. But the only thing that will help to ease your heart is time. Passion and pain both wane, in time. The worst part is the way your world shrinks as passion fades. Be strong. Be grateful for having had the chance to feel things that deeply. Not everyone gets that. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Micca Date: 14 Jul 00 - 08:03 AM SHIPS THAT PASS
In the night
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: SINSULL Date: 14 Jul 00 - 08:50 PM And a lid for every pot - "Darlin Billy" Spaw, leave Mbo alone. The young man knows what he's about. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Jul 00 - 09:09 PM I'll take it under advisement Sins. And only because its you.................................but I'm weak....no willpower at all.......... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: katlaughing Date: 14 Jul 00 - 09:31 PM Micca, your brevity with words is breathtaking...thanks for the posting... |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: kendall Date: 15 Jul 00 - 08:52 AM This has been around for years but, maybe someone hasn't seen it...
MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 5 CHAPTERS
chapter 1 I walk down the street
chapter 2
chapter 3
I walk down the street
chapter 4
chapter 5 |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: bflat Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:04 AM Kendall, I never read that before, glad you posted it. It's a good fit for my state of mind. bflat |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: kendall Date: 15 Jul 00 - 10:48 AM Looks simple doesn't it? Wel..It aint. |
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Subject: RE: At Least We Had Paris ... From: Allan C. Date: 17 Jul 00 - 09:11 AM Gene Pitney had it right (in my view), "Only love can break a heart only love can mend it again." Sure, time can dull the pain; but it takes love, from its various sources, to mend a broken heart. At least one kind of love has been expressed to you, Guest, in this thread. Coming here is among the best things you might have done. Surround yourself with those who love you. Can't hurt. Might help. On the other hand, another song which leaps to mind is one that I will transcribe the lyrics for and post here soon. It is called, "Why Does Love Make You Stupid?". It is a rhetorical question, by the way. No answer is given in the song. One interesting aspect of love is its penchant for finding you when you are least prepared for it. I am thinking of the time when I had decided to "lock it up" for a while so that nobody could become involved with me romantically. Guess what happened next. Yep. I played a gig at a coffeehouse and a waitress there captured my heart, lock, key and shackles! It will find you again, I am sure. I sincerely hope that next time will be much more pleasant for you.
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