Lyr Add: parodies sung by Homer and Jethro

Subject: Lyr Add: PLEASE HELP ME I'M CRAWLIN' (Homer & Jeth
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 05 Feb 02 - 01:19 PM

PLEASE HELP ME I'M CRAWLIN'
(Parody of PLEASE HELP ME I'M FALLIN')
Homer & Jethro

Please help me; I'm crawlin'. She's done it again.
Slammed the door on my fingers when I tried to get in.
She hauled off and kicked out the last tooth I had.
I wish she would quit it before I get mad.

[PIANO INSTRUMENTAL BREAK]
SPOKEN:
HOMER: He ain't no Van Cliburn, is he?
JETHRO: He sounds more like Williams.
HOMER: Roger?
JETHRO: No, Ted.

Go down to the river where the water is nice.
Stick yore head under three times and pull it out twice.
First you wanted to leave me, then you wanted to stay.
Oh, how can I miss you when you won't go away?

Please help me; I'm fallin' fer somebody new.
Anything I wind up with will be better than you.
Go have your face lifted. It needs it, no doubt.
Go to Peter Pan's Beauty Shop before your pan peters out.

See the original PLEASE HELP ME I'M FALLING posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Genie
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 12:03 AM

Record Lady website

BTW, I understand that one of the guys, Jethro, I think, was murdered by an intruder who accidentally broke into the wrong house, or something like that. Anyone have the story?

Other H&J parodies I remember:
•Out in the west Texas town of El Paso, I spent a whole month in only one day.
I looked around me for Rosa's Cantina. I think Hernando had hid it away. ...

•I'm walkin' behind y'all on yer weddin' day.
I cain't walk beside yew, yer feet's in the way.
•South of the border, by the Rio Grande, Mexican Joe was a sleepin' in the sand. ...
...Joe kicked the bucket about a week ago.
They rubbed his chest with alcohol, tryin' to cure his cough.
Joe went and broke his neck tryin' to kick it off."
•Oh, my frail wildwood flower was skinny and tall. 'Cept for her adam's apple, she'd have no shape at all. ... [these lyrics are somewhere in the forum under "wildwood flower]


Was it Homer and Jethro who did the comic reply to "Goodnight, Irene," ca. 1951?
"Please say goodnight to the guy, Irene, and let me get some sleep ...

We've been havin' thunder showers and his clothes are soaking wet.
He's been hangin' 'round for hours and you haven't answered yet.
"Please say goodnight to the guy, Irene, and let me get some sleep ...

Genie

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 03:01 AM

See Bio of Homer & Jethro at:

http://userpages.aug.com/albink/hjbio.htm

According to above reference, Homer died of a Heart Attack in 1971 and Jethro died of cancer in n 1989.

You may be thinking of Stringbean - who was murdered during a break-in/robbery... His wife was murdered also...

Subject: Lyr Add: YALLER ROSE OF TEXAS (Homer & Jethro)
From: GUEST,Jenny the T
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 10:40 AM

Homer and Jethro--boy, those guys are probably as responsible as anyone for my sense of humor! I remember, as a little one, laughing so hard at that record that the milk came out my nose. Strangely, I wasn't drinking milk at the time...

(The 'that record' reference reminds me of a bit from their stage patter: (Homer) "Did anybody here buy that record?" [Nothing from the audience] (Jethro) "We only sold one, and we're trying to find out who bought it.")

I always loved their parody of The Yellow Rose of Texas:

YALLER ROSE OF TEXAS, YOU ALL

(Off, I believe, their "Live at the Country Club" album)

Oh, the yaller rose of Texas, the cutest on this earth.
Her right eye looks at Dallas, her left one at Fort Worth.
Her ponytail's a dandy. That hairdo is a prize,
But it comes in handy when she's a-switchin' flies.

CHORUS 1: Her skin is red 'n' fuzzy. It feels just like a peach.
I looked her over from head to toe and she had one of each.
Her face has fallen arches. It hangs just like a sack.
She'd like to have it lifted, but she doesn't have the jack.

Oh, the yaller rose of Texas, she looks just like a weed.
That one big upper tooth of hers looks like a punkin seed,
And when she opens up her mouth, it looks just like a rake.
Her lips are just like petals—I mean, pedals on a brake.

CHORUS 2: I was a-workin' in the garden when I diskivvered her.
I reached for an old tomater and, darlin', there you were.
You can take your nasty-sturtiums and take your violets blue,
And while you're at it take the yaller rose of Texas, too.

See the original YELLOW ROSE OF TEXAS posted in another thread. –JoeClone, 13-May-2008.

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS
From: GUEST,Jenny the T, again
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 10:48 AM

And here's another hilarious one that comes back to me:

DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS

Don't let the stars get in your eyes
If you've got water on the brain
Don't light the flame, or you'll be to blame
The spark of love will take your breath
The water starts to streamin'
Your ears will start to steamin'
And you'll percolate yourself to death

Too many nights
Too many stars
Too many knots upon my head (two, three)
Love was in bloom, then she lowered the boom
And now I wish that I was dead
She's got me educated
My eyes are granulated
'Cause she hit me with the sugar bowl

Her teeth were like the stars above
Because they come out ever' night
Her hair so fair, she laid it on a chair
Because I seen it layin' there
I cocked an eye at her
She cocked an eye at me
And we just set there cockeyed as could be

Don't let the stars get in
Your eyeball sockets

---

Also in this thread (click).

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Arkie
Date: 06 Feb 02 - 11:39 AM

Both Homer and Jethro were also exceptional musicians. A fact that is often missed due their reputation for comedy. It was mentioned earlier that Jethro was noted for his ability on the mandolin. After the death of Homer he put together a highly regarded band which, I think, produced several recordings. He also performed with brother-in-law Chet Atkins on occasion.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Kaleea
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 02:53 AM

Guest, My sense of humor was, no doubt, also affected by the great duo, Homer & Jethro. In fact, I love to use traditional tunes & write comical lyrics which have provided many a laugh at performances, especially for the older folks. The song parody is one of my fav genres, and homer & Jethro were the greatest! Humble acknowledgements to Spike the Great.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Gene
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 03:33 AM

Their modern day counterparts are Pinkard & Bowden...

Help Me Make It Thru The Yard
Blue Hair Drivin' In My Lane
Three-Mile Island [Tune of: Wolverton Mt.]
Daddy Played First Base [Tune of: Daddy Sang Base]
Drivin' My Wife Away [Tune of: Drivin' My Life Away]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Canuck
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 04:46 AM

They parodied Johnny Cash's I don't like it (But I guess things happen that way)

some of the lyric:

Our last record wasn't a hit
They forgot to put a hole in it
I don't like it but I guess things happen that way
The reason that it never sold
It's a nine inch record with a twelve inch hole

Johnny Cash made this a hit
We're gonna put a stop to it
He don't like it, but I guess things happen that way
&c. &c.
And, in their performance of Bismarck, they did the line "Our souls were full of hope" by singing "And our holes--our souls--were full of hope" haha those guys were SO funny, and great musicians!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: kendall
Date: 07 Feb 02 - 09:03 AM

I used to love to hear Jethro go from some silly piece into one of Brahms Hungarian Dance tunes, then back without missing a beat. They were great musicians. Spike Jones? you gotta be a musician to get a recognizable tune out of a sack of crowbars.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Genie
Date: 08 Feb 02 - 04:27 AM

Was there anything from their era that they didn't parody?

Genie

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Iceboy
Date: 13 Feb 02 - 06:21 AM

In my opinion, Homer & Jethro may have been the most under-rated musical/comedy act of the last 60 years. I still have my father's origial copy of "The Worst of Homer & Jethro" featuring both June Carter "Baby It's Cold Outside," and Spike Jones "Pal-Yat-Chee." The whole album is a brilliant representation of 50's studio C&W work and PI period comedy. I toured for years with a couple different bands that didn't even listen to country, but Homer & Jethro would tapes during those long drives ould always get respect while causing tears to roll down our faces and our sides to hurt from laughter. Saw them in Spokane, Wa in 1963 and will never foget it. Americana at it's finest!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 03:03 AM

At Last!

having found this thread, I think it's time for another peek, especially if anyone wants to harvest thongs...

Robin

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:20 AM

Hey, I got a couple of these:

Subject: Lyr Add: LET ME GO, BLUBBER (Homer and Jethro)
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:25 AM

LET ME GO, BLUBBER
[to the tune of "Let Me Go, Lover" by Hank Snow and Patti Page.]

Let me go, let me go, let me go, Blubber
Let me scat like a cat from your arms.
You're too fat in the first place, and you know that it's true
You're too fat, in the second place, too.
When I told her her new bustle was cute as could be
She said "Homer, that's no bustle, it's me"
Turn me loose, please reduce your caboose, Blubber
Pound for pound, you're just too round, I've found.

[Here Jethro plays a refrain of "Fascination" Which Homer declares, Don't seem so fascinatin' to me." At the end of the refrain, Homer sings "She had nine buttons on her nightgown/But she could only fasten eight."]

Subject: Lyr Add: GAL FROM POSSUM HOLLER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Gern
Date: 17 Sep 03 - 11:30 AM

Gee, I wish I could figure out the line break thing... Oh well, here's another, but this one is only approximate. I no longer own a copy, so I have to guess on this and leave out the last verse. Maybe someone knows the correct version. It's a killer:

THE GAL FROM POSSUM HOLLER
[To the tune of "The Girl From Ipanema" by Carlos Jobim.]

Short and fat and mean and sassy
The gal from Possum Holler comes passing
And when she passes, the guys she passes go "Bleah..."

When she goes by walking, from the back
She looks like two bobcats fighting in a tater sack
And when she passes, the guys she passes go, "Bleah..."

Oh, how that woman can bug me
I'd die if I thought that she loved me
She has such an excess of ugly
That each day when she goes to the 'crick'
Even the catfish get sick [...]

Gern: Nowadays you don't have to do anything special to get line breaks. They will appear just as you typed them. --JoeClone, 18-Sep-03.

Subject: Lyr Add: BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Sep 03 - 01:48 AM

I took a crack at transcribing this from The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 29:

There are still a few missing or uncertain phrases indicated by (?)

BABY IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
(As sung by Homer and Jethro and June Carter)

JUNE, SPOKEN: I gotta get home, fellers. I can't stay here all night.
JETHRO, SPOKEN: It's kinda cold out there, June.
HOMER, SPOKEN: Yep, it shore is.
JUNE: I ain't a-fixin' to stay.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: I gotta get away.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: This evenin' has been--
H&J: Been hopin' that you fall in.
JUNE: --so very nice.
H&J: I'll hold your hands; they're just like feet.
JUNE: Mommy will start to worry.
H&J: Beautiful, what's your hurry?
JUNE: ... (?) will get the shotgun now.
H&J: If he does, we'll hafta leave town.
JUNE: Maybe I'd better scurry.
H&J: Have a drink. What's your hurry?
JUNE: Maybe just a half a jug more.
H&J: Put some Eddy Arnold records on while I pour.
JUNE: The neighbors might think--
H&J: But, baby, it's bad out there.
JUNE: Say, what's in this here drink?
H&J: That ain't sarsaparilly there.
JUNE: I wish I knew how--
H&J: Your eyeballs are poppin' out now.
JUNE: --to break the spell.
H&J: I'll take your hair; your hat looks swell.
JUNE: 'Course they know no worser (?)
H&J: Mind if we move in closer?
JUNE: At least I'm puttin' up a good fight.
H&J: Boy, this black eye sure is a sight.
JUNE: I really can't stay.
H&J: Oh, baby, don't hold out.
ALL THREE: Ah, but it's cold outside.

[MANDOLIN SOLO]
HOMER (SPOKEN): Ah, pick it warm, Jethro.

JUNE: I simply must go.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: The answer is no.
H&J: But, baby, it's cold outside.
JUNE: The weatherman said--
H&J: How lucky that you fell in.
JUNE: --it would be fair.
H&J: That ain't soap chips falling out there.
JUNE: Sister will be suspicious.
H&J: Gosh, your lips looks like petals.
JUNE, SPOKEN: Petals?
JETHRO, SPOKEN: Yeah, bicycle pedals.
[HOMER giggles.]
JUNE: My brother will be waitin' at the door.
H&J: Hope he won't be too sore.
JUNE: Aunt Sary's mind is suspicious
H&J: Gosh, your lips are delicious.
JUNE: Gimme the key to that door.
H&J: Never seen a turtle bump a lizard before.
JUNE: I gotta get home.
H&J: But, baby, you'd freeze out there.
JUNE: Say, lend me a comb.
H&J: It's up to your knees out there.
JUNE: You boys have been grand--
H&J: We'd just like I hold your hand.
JUNE: --but don't you see--
H&J: How can you do this thing to me?
JUNE: There will be talk tomorrow.
H&J: Think of my lifelong sorrow--
JUNE: At least there will be plenty implied.
H&J: --if you caught pneumonia and died.
JUNE: I really can't stay.
H&J: Your antifreeze won't hold out.
ALL THREE: Ah, but/Baby, it's cold outside.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 03:40 PM

I posted FRIENDSHIP, written by Cole Porter, as performed by Homer & Jethro, here. That one was also transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 13.

Subject: Lyr Add: MAMA, GET THE HAMMER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 08:59 PM

This song has been mentioned several times at Mudcat. The title appears on several lists of worst/best/funniest country song titles--lists that have been propagated through the Internet. No artist is ever credited. I wonder if the people who posted the title even knew the song was real?

The song sounds like a polka, but I don't recognize the tune. If it's a parody, I don't know the original.

Transcribed by me from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 15.

MAMA, GET THE HAMMER (THERE'S A FLY ON PAPA'S HEAD)
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

A little fly upon the wall
Had no place to crawl at all.
All at once, his wings were spread
Right on dear old papa's head.

CHORUS: Mama, get the hammer. There's a fly on papa's head.
You heard what I said: there's a fly on papa's head.
If you can't get a hammer, get a crowbar, ma, instead.
There's a fly on papa's head.

Well, the fly flew through an open flue,
And flew till he was black and blue.
Instead of flying right straight home,
He flew on top of papa's dome. CHORUS

Horsefly, please don't bother me.
Go fly up an apple tree.
Horsefly says, "Now look here, Joe.
I'll go where I want to go." CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: LET ME GO, BLUBBER (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Sep 03 - 09:28 PM

The recording at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites (Real Country Page 24) is somewhat different from what Gern quoted above, and it has an extra verse. There is nothing about "Fascination" in this recording.

LET ME GO, BLUBBER
(as sung by Homer & Jethro)

Let me go. Let me go. Let me go, Blubber.
Let me scat like a cat 'way from you.
You're too fat in the first place. You know it's true.
You're too fat in the second place, too.

When I said that your bustle was as cute as could be,
You said, "Darling, that's no bustle. That's me."
Oh, turn me loose. Please reduce your caboose, Blubber.
Pound for pound, you're just too round for me.

When you had your appendix removed at last,
They didn't know whether to operate or blast.
Let me go. Let me go. Let me go, Blubber.
Set me free. You're just too much for me.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 22 Sep 03 - 11:26 AM

TIGER BY THE TAIL (parody, Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Gern
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:14 AM

My version was taken from a "Homer and Jethro in Concert" LP, which would be worth the trouble to find.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:28 AM

I had the pleasure of seeing Homer & Jethro live as a teen in the about 1967 on a package show in Chicago that radio station WJJD used to promote.

I also got to meet Jethro Burns much later on. He used to be found quite regularly hanging out at Guitar Works in Evanston.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Sep 03 - 11:43 PM

DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYEBALLS

Subject: Lyr Add: CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Sep 03 - 08:08 PM

Here's one sung by Homer and Jethro that they don't seem to have written or rewritten themselves. I don't think this is a parody of any particular song (but if I'm wrong, and anyone recognizes it, please let me know!) but rather a satire on the whole folk music revival. I think I hear echoes of the Kingston Trio, various bad-man ballads like Tom Dooley, and especially The M.T.A. (Transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 32):

CHARLIE CHEATED ON HIS INCOME TAX
(Milton Addington, Dickey Lee, Allen Reynolds)

(Citizens, listen: I tell you, danger lurks all about us. Now here's the story of an ordinary man...)
I've been workin' on the railroad...
(...who fell victim to a governmental structure that he loved but never understood. Listen well. This could have been you.)

Come all you taxpayers and listen to me well.
I've a story that's very sad to tell
'Bout a victim of the system of legislative acts.
They say Charlie cheated on his income tax.

Now Charlie's been a good man 'most all of his life.
He never even cheated on his wife. (Oh, no?)
A pillar of society, a credit to his folks,
And he'd die 'fore he'd tell a dirty joke.

Charlie, Charlie, what did you do?
Twenty-nine T-men a-comin' after you.
You must be guilty of an awful crime,
If you're worth so much civil service time.

Well, the trouble really started when he bought an old guitar,
Learned to play it like his fav'rite record star, (Don Bowman!)
And when he made twenty dollars on an amateur show,
He declared it so his Uncle Sam would know.

But the form that used was a ten-twenty sheet.
After five o'clock, that form is obsolete,
And between the hours of ten and twelve, you use a W-2,
But on holidays, you file an L-O-Q.

Charlie, Charlie, waltzed through the town,
Handcuffs on and his head a-hangin' down,
Disgraced and dishonored while friends turned their backs,
Thinkin' Charlie cheated on his income tax.

The judge at the trial said, "I understand your plight.
This time I'm gonna make the sentence light."
Well, Charlie stood and faced the bench and shed a grateful tear
As they led him off with only ninety years.

Charlie, Charlie, victim of our time,
Never even understood the nature of his crime,
A lesson to us all that we never can relax
Lest they call us in for cheatin' on our income tax.

I've been workin' on the railroad all the livelong day...

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Sep 03 - 01:28 AM

I SAW MOMMY SMOOCHIN' SANTA CLAUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:49 AM

I Really Don't Want to Know

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:54 AM

Thread Mama Don't Whip Little Buford

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 02:57 AM

POOR OL' KOO-LIGER (Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Oct 03 - 03:01 AM

I'm gettin nuttin for Christmas

Subject: Lyr Add: I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Oct 03 - 11:41 PM

The following is apparently a parody of I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN WITH YOU by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen—but I have been unable to find any lyrics, sound samples, or recording information about that song. I must admit I don't understand the last two verses of the parody. There seems to be a joke or two there that I don't get. Maybe it would help if I knew the original.

Transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Page 33.

I'LL NEVER WALTZ AGAIN
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

I'll never waltz again with you,
'Specially when you're wearin' slacks.
If women have to wear the britches,
They should never turn their backs.

Oh, I used to waltz with you
When you were my little queen.
I was eight and you was nine,
And that just made us seventeen.

Here's how she does the hula dance:
Around her neck, she ties some hops.
She ties some hay around her waist.
Then she just rotates the crops.

I'll never waltz again with her,
'Cause she shimmies and she struts.
Ever'body calls her Hershey.
That's because she is half nuts.

(Instrumental break, featuring a guitar playing off-key)
(Spoken:)
--Hey, Jethro!
--Huh?
--Is he playin' what's written?
--No, Homer, he's playin' what's rotten.

The other night we went to town,
And then I took her to a fancy ball,
And as I waltzed her round and round,
I noticed that she kept a-getting tall.

As we tried to swing and sway,
Suddenly I hear'd her say:
"Dear, I've got a wooden leg.
You're turning me the wrong way."

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 10:17 PM

The wooden leg has obviously been "screwed in" and he is "unscrewing" her... the jokes follow on from there... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: regiberry
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 01:49 AM

Well I have appreciated the humor of Homer and Jethro for many years.
They used to have a 15 minute TV show and would do several songs just before the evening news...think it was on KTLA in Los Angeles...I know there were shows recorded....wouldn't it be great if these shows could be tracked down and made into a video!

Jethro Burns was a very innovated mandolin player.

Thanks for all the tunes you all shared here...glad I found this place.
This is my first post here!

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 09:13 AM

Robin: As a matter of fact, that meaning did occur to me, but it seemed a bit far-fetched and not very funny, or at least not as funny as their big build-up led me to expect, so I was reluctant to believe that's what they had in mind. You're probably right though.

Welcome, Regiberry.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHASE IS ON (Homer and Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 08:08 PM

The original of this one is in the DT: THE RACE IS ON, written by Don Rollins and recorded by George Jones, among others.

The following parody is transcribed from the sound file at The Record Lady's All-Time Country Favorites, Real Country Archives Page 11.

THE CHASE IS ON
(As sung by Homer and Jethro)

My poor heart is as heavy as a bucket of liver and my feet are a-burning like "far."
I'm standing here on the corner wondering where all the women are.
Now you might think I'm a little too old, but I'm in there chasing them all,
But then I reckon if I ever caught one, then I would break right down and bawl.

CHORUS: Now the chase is on and here comes blondes up the backstretch,
Brunettes, they're running on the outside.
Blackheads are being squeezed, and almost standing still.
My feet's a-getting a blister and I'm a-getting mighty short on wind.
The chase is on and I'll be right in it, just as long as it's downhill.

One day I fell in love with a pretty little filly, never dreaming what a fool I'd be.
I lived in hopes of waking up each morning and finding she was gone from me.
It ain't that I wasn't crazy about her, 'cause I sure did love her a heap,
But my mind was a-making appointments that my body just couldn't keep. CHORUS

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 12:59 AM

I'M MOVIN' ON (Homer & Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 01:01 AM

SANTA'S MOVIN' ON (Homer and Jethro)

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:33 PM

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY UPPER PLATE

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:56 PM

Homer and Jethro's "Playing It Straight" has been impossible to find for years. A recent add on eBay showed a Japanese CD with "Aint Necessarily Square" added on one CD. Does anyone know if this is a closeout? They are going for serious premium over a normal CD.          here is sight/ copy and paste

http://search-desc.ebay.com/search/search.dll?cgiurl=http%3A%2F%2Fcgi.ebay.com%2Fws%2F&MfcISAPICommand=GetResult&SortProperty=MetaEndSort&ht=1&from=R4&ebaytag1=ebayreg&query=Homer+Jethro+Playing+It+Straight&CATEGORY0=11233&SRCHDESC=y

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Nov 03 - 02:07 PM

The following H&J songs also appear in various threads:

SAN ANTONIO ROSE – parody of Bob Wills' song.
FLOWER OF THE WILDWOOD – parody of the Carter Family's WILDWOOD FLOWER
D–I–V–O–R–C–E (B–A–C–O–N and E–G–G–S) – parody of Tammy Wynette's DIVORCE
THE SQUARE SONG – original?
I'VE GOT TEARS IN MY EARS (also here) – another original?
EL PASO – parody of Marty Robbins' song
I DON'T FLIRT ANYMORE – parody of Hank Snow's I DON'T HURT ANYMORE
SWAPPIN' PARTNERS – parody of Patti Page's CHANGING PARTNERS
I GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY – parody of Johnny Cash's GUESS THINGS HAPPEN THAT WAY
TENNESSEE BORDER NO. 2 – parody of Red Foley's TENNESSEE BORDER

Subject: Lyr Add: COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2 (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

The original of this is already in DT: COLD, COLD HEART, written and recorded by Hank Williams; also recorded by Louis Armstrong, Tony Bennett, Johnny Cash, Connie Francis, George Jones, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ray Price, The Sons of the Pioneers, Ernest Tubb, Dinah Washington, and many others -- and recently by Norah Jones.

And now the parody, transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/ :

COLD, COLD HEART NO. 2
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

I tried so hard, my dear, to show that you're my ev'ry dream.
Yet ev'ry time I see your face, it makes me want to scream.
You look much better to me, dear, the farther we're apart.
Your liver may be warm but you have got a cold, cold heart.

You'll never know how much it hurts to see you sit and cry,
But you could cry much better if you had another eye.
One look at you and I am through. It makes my eyeballs smart.
I wish that you'd fall off your broom and break your cold, cold heart.

HOMER (spoken): 'Samatter, Jethro? You got cold fingers? Get hot, boy, get hot.

There was a time one look at you could make my pore heart sing.
Now ever' time I look at you, I think I've found The Thing.
When I see you walk in the room, it makes the teardrops start.
Why don't you go sit on a stove and melt your cold, cold heart?

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Humorous Side of Country Music," 1963; "Ooh, That's Corny," 1963; "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1966 and 1996; and "Country Comedy," 1971.]

Subject: Lyr Add: I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:21 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

I DON'T THINK MY GAL LOVES ME ANYMORE
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

She hit me on the head and she tore my clothes.
She blacked my eye and broke my nose.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She changed her front-door lock, you see,
And then she sic'ed her dog on me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her in the kitchen
Puttin' arsenic in my tea,
And if she doesn't cut it out,
I'll think she's mad at me.
And when our date last night was through,
She said, "Don't call me. I'll call you."
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

Now when I call her on the phone,
She answers and says that she's not home.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
She shoves me down the stairs and counts
To see how many times I bounce.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
Well, I caught her foolin' with the brakes
Beneath my car today.
Aw, jeez, that's awful nice of her
To fix my car that way.
She's got a rifle now, I see,
And it's a-pointin' right at me.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.
I don't think my girl loves me anymore.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Life Can Be Miserable," 1958.]

Subject: Lyr Add: KING OF THE CAMP (Homer & Jethro)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 10:52 PM

The original of this is in the DT: KING OF THE ROAD by Roger Miller.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page5/

KING OF THE CAMP
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Fly-bugs an' bumblebees,
Chigger bites on my knees,
Band-Aids from head to toes,
Got a sunburn on my nose.

I got sand in the food I eat.
I got blisters on both my feet.
I'm in pain, but can't complain,
I'm king of the camp.

Folks bring their brats to stay
Here until Labor Day.
When they become a drag,
I give them a plastic bag.
I got sprained ankles, cuts, an' bumps.
I got chicken pox and the mumps.
I got alters(?) just because I'm
King of the camp.

I know ever' mom an' dad an' all o' their brats,
All o' their doggies, an' all o' their cats.
If the kids are great as the parents all say,
Then how come ev'ry summer they send 'em away?

Meanwhile, back at the pool,
Water is nice an' cool.
Kids splashin' all around,
While I teach 'em how to drown.
I lose more little brats that way.
I lose some in the woods each day.
I'm a bitter baby-sitter,
King of the camp,
Champ of the camp,
Chump of the dump.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965; and "The Best of Homer & Jethro," 1996.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Dec 03 - 11:25 PM

"Once Burns met singer-songwriter Steve Goodman at a Chicago folk club, another legendary mandolin and guitar duet began. Their tours, and Goodman's albums, introduced Jethro to a new generation of fans...

"Steve Goodman once said of Jethro, "I never heard him play or say anything that wasn't the very thing that everyone else in the room wished they had played or said." How did he do it? His special skill was to mix equal parts mischief and genius. (While keeping his tongue firmly in cheek at all times!). A large part of his appeal can be summed up in his philosophy of "No matter where you go, there you are!"

"Jethro's humor, mandolin playing, and musicianship remained undiminished, even in the final stages of the cancer that took his life on February 4, 1989. "

http://www.dawgnet.com/acd_html/artists/burns.html

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:12 PM

The original of this is in the DT: ON TOP OF OLD SMOKY

Lyrics of the transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

DON'T SING ALONG (ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY)
(Jeffrey Clay)

[Jethro begins playing the intro on the mandolin, and hits a (deliberately) wrong note.]
--Hey, hey, hey! Will you play that again please?
--All right. Here we go.
[Jethro plays the intro again, hitting the same wrong note.]
--That's a lot better.
--Thank you.
--I thought you's playin' it wrong there at first. Let's all sing now.
--All right. Here we go.

On top of Ol' Smoky
All covered with snow,
I lost my true lover
By courtin' too slow.

--Uh, would you folks like to sing along with us?
--Yeah!
--Well, I wish you wouldn't, 'cause we want to sing it by ourselves.
--Come on now, Homer. You promised 'em. Now why don't you just kind o' give 'em the lines an' let them repeat after us.
--All right.

--On top of Ol' Smoky
On top of Ol' Smoky
--All covered with trees,
All covered with trees,
--I stood in the water
I stood in the water
--Plumb up to my ankles.
Plumb up to my --huh?

--Homer, just a minute. That don't rhyme.
--Well, the water wasn't deep enough.... Jethro, gimme a E-flat there.
--You know I can't play an E-flat.
--Well, gimme a E an' I'll flatten it out myself.... Let's all sing again, now.
--All right.

--Her hair was so wavy
Her hair was so wavy
--An' soft as pure silk.
An' soft as pure silk.
--'Cause when she shampooed it,
'Cause when she shampooed it,
--She used dragon milk.
She used dragon --huh?

--Cut! Homer, where do you get that "dragon milk"?
--Well, you get it from a cow with short legs.... Let's all sing this thing an' get out o' here. What do you say?
--All right.

Your may think we're crazy.
We'll have to agree.
But you bought this record
And we [got it free.]*

[*Note: The online recording ended abruptly so I had to guess at the ending. There may be more to the song. -JD. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs to Tickle Your Funny Bone," 1966.]

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:29 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is. One web site attributes it to "H.Mills"; another to Mack Allen Smith.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE BROKE MY HEART AT WALGREENS
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Over a drink for those who think young*, I got the bad news.
One payment book, her matchin' house key, my diamond ring.
There lay the ruins of my future. We planned to wed this year.
But she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

I hear the man still laugin' at me, but I don't blame him.
Silly of me for asking of him, "Please read this ad."
Well, this could be the funniest heartbreak of the year.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

What made the pain more painful, I hurt each step of the way.
Grabbing ...(?), waiting for lots o' tears, (?)
Gettin' in my way.

I'd fall down, then I'd get up, while slippin' on my tears.
First she broke my heart at Walgreen's, then I cried all the way to Sears.

[*"For those who think young": once an advertising slogan for Pepsi. Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "The Old Crusty Minstrels," 1965.]

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Dec 03 - 11:34 PM

If this is a parody, I don't know what the original is.

Lyrics transcribed from the sound file at http://www.geocities.com/u2page6/

SHE WAS BITTEN ON THE UDDER BY AN ADDER
(As sung by Homer & Jethro)

Now here's a song about a cow so round, so firm, so trim.
The cow wouldn't give no milk at all, so we got mad at him.
One day the weather started a-gittin' hotter by the hour.
The old cow laid down on 'er back an' give herself a shower.

CHORUS: Oh, she never died so suddenly before,
And I bet she'll never do it any more,
And I know I never will be any sadder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

Our little cow was nice an' fat. Her hair was soft as silk.
She slipped and fell right through a bridge an' durn near strained her milk.
We lifted her as if she didn't weigh a single ounce,
And then we pushed her off the bridge to see the Jersey Bounce. CHORUS

A little bull walked all the way from here to Ioway,
Which goes to prove a little bull will go a long, long way.
Then pappy hitched 'im to a plow an' said, "Now here's my chance.
To show this boy there's some'n' in this world besides romance."

Now he's with ol' Bossy over there, I guess,
Where the cows are all contented, more or less.
And he is glad but Bossy is much gladder.
She was a-bitten on the udder by an adder.

[Recorded by Homer & Jethro on "Songs My Mother Never Sang," 1961; "Live at Vanderbilt University," 1968; and "America's Song Butchers: The Weird World of Homer & Jethro," 1997.]

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: GUEST,AF
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:04 PM

I am looking for the lyrics to a number of Homer and Jethro songs, namely: Hart-Brake Motel, He'll Have To Go, Hernando's Hideaway, I Fall To Pieces, In The Shade of the Old Apple Tree, I Want To Hold Your Hand, Jam-Bowl-Liar, Malady of Love, Mister Sandman, Misty, Sixteen Tons, Tennessee, Tennessee, and You Belong To Me. I am collecting them for a woman who loves H&J and lost all of her records when her home was destroyed by a flood. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Cluin
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM

Jethro Tull's gonna be on "The Simpsons"?

Subject: RE: Homer and Jethro
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:09 PM

GUEST,AF – Your reviving this thread reminded me that I have several more songs to post. Stay tuned. I think I have at least one of the songs you want. When I'm finished posting songs, hopefully in the next day or two, I plan to post a list of links to all the songs I've posted.