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Lyr Req: Guide Cats for the Blind (Les Barker)

DigiTrad:
BELLE'S BONNIE BOGIE
CUTTY WREN
EVERYTHING GLOWS
GLORIOUS ICE
HARD CHEESE OF OLD ENGLAND
I DON'T LIKE MY BOOMERANG
ROSEVILLE FAIR (Banjo Parody)
TRAINS OF WATERLOO


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Mr Happy 30 Jun 03 - 06:12 PM
Morticia 30 Jun 03 - 07:09 PM
Charley Noble 30 Jun 03 - 08:33 PM
Mr Happy 01 Jul 03 - 08:06 PM
LadyJean 02 Jul 03 - 12:44 AM
McGrath of Harlow 02 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM
Herga Kitty 02 Jul 03 - 03:35 PM
Liz the Squeak 02 Jul 03 - 03:36 PM
Herga Kitty 02 Jul 03 - 05:22 PM
Gareth 03 Jul 03 - 08:15 AM
Liz the Squeak 03 Jul 03 - 05:01 PM
McGrath of Harlow 03 Jul 03 - 05:22 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Mr Happy
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 06:12 PM

a good fiend of mine would like the words of this one if anyone has them.

she has a visual deficit herself yet, like all else wwho've heard mr barker perform this peom, finds it excrutiatingly rib splitting [or should i say, side tickling?]

thanks in advance,

mr h


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Subject: DTADD: Guide Cats for the Blind (Les Barker)
From: Morticia
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 07:09 PM

GUIDE CATS FOR THE BLIND
(Les Barker)

The word futile springs to mind
Mission Impossible, yes that's
The attempt to harness for mankind
The intelligence of cats
You've made a basic error
Now let me expound
This master/servant thing's okay
But no, not that way round
We don't do the faithful subject
We don't do the daily grind
You never should have attempted it
Guide cats for the Blind


Give kitty so much trust
And we'll abuse the privelege
You think you're going out?
You're opening the fridge
You think I'm trying to help you?
I'm not serving man but Mammon
You think you've gained a faithful friend
You've lost a plate of salmon
I might lead you down the High Street
I'll be back when I have dined
We get very, very hungry
Being Guide Cats for the Blind

It can't be very pleasant
Of this I've little doubt
To have your head stuck in a catflap
Whether facing in or out
You could be here a day or two
With half you out in the rain
I've got to go, I've got things to do
Maybe I'll pass this way again
A dog would go for help
Cats are not that way inclined
Cats have better things to do than being
Guide Cats for the blind

Of some matters I am ignorant
But this I know for certain
The best place for a blind man
Is not halfway up a curtain
And why do they have to be
Up on a roof at 4am?
It's the perfect place for me to be
But what's in it for them?
It was where I had to go
And he just tags behind
I don't know why, only a fool would follow
Guide cats for the blind


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Jun 03 - 08:33 PM

Simply lovely!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Mr Happy
Date: 01 Jul 03 - 08:06 PM

morty,

much gratitude! for your most rapid response!

cheers,

Mr H


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: LadyJean
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 12:44 AM

I worked for the 2000 Census. I took personal abuse from the people I interviewed. I took personal abuse from my friends. I took personal abuse from strangers on the street. My support system was my cat, Fitz. Cats can be altruistic. They just don't care to be trained.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM

Well, most cats like to be kind to their pets. But they like to keep a sense of proportion about it, that's all.

They don't get to be counted in the census either. Can't see why not.

I always like the alleged remark by a farmer explaining why he liked pigs: "A dog will look up to you. A cat will look down at you. But pigs - pigs is level."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:35 PM

Thanks Morty

I sent it to my colleagues at work under the heading "Alternatives to tactile paving" and it was much appreciated.

Kitty

PS I hate tactile paving even though I know it's useful, but I like cats....


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 03:36 PM

Tactile paving? You mean the paving slabs with boils?

LTS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 02 Jul 03 - 05:22 PM

Liz - yes. It's supposed to help people who can't see very well to find the right place to cross the road. Except the other week I saw some that had cunningly been laid to direct them diagonally into the path of traffic coming from all directions..... some of them would probably be better off up the curtains at 4am!

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Gareth
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 08:15 AM

Just Fancy that Department

Warrented true - Caerphilly County Borough Council laid a nice tactile road crossing at Penpedairheol traffic lights. They also put a lamp post in the center of the tactile pavement.

Morons !!!

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 05:01 PM

There's a lovely bit just outside the London Hospital, Whitechapel... leads them away from a lovely safe wall, round a dogleg bend and into not one, but two bollards, which are there to stop cars mounting the pavement at that spot.

They've been placed so that they are just wide enough apart to get a car through.

LTS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Guide cats for the blind: Les Barker
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 03 Jul 03 - 05:22 PM

A few years back our council stuck a post up right in the middle of a pavement ("sidewalk"). A blind bloke, who likes to walk around quite fast in places he's checked out as being safe, walked straight into it and knocked himself out. So he picked himself up, went home and got a hacksaw and came down and cut eh post down - and informed the local press.

Since then they have been more careful about such things.


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