BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM

Gnu, you need to reincarnate into an African tribe back in the days before the White men arrived and ruined everything, and your wishes would be met.

But then it just isn't the same when everyone's walking around uncovered all the time, is it? ;-)

I'm glad to hear that Winona is pleased about my T-GORF, Stilly. It warms my heart. She can get my address from Spaw or by looking in the latest edition of "Who's Who in Orillia" (a very slender volume...)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: gnu
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 02:27 PM

I wish she wouldn't. I would like to see her tits.

NO, once you have seen one Pir, you haven't seen em all, and I wanna see em ALL.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 02:04 PM

Sorry I missed this thread until now. I just received an email from Winona telling me about it. She said she has a skateboard she wants to present to you. She was asking for your address. She is just so impressed she can hardly contain herself.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 02:50 PM

I got the stuffed shithouse rat in the mail today. I had to present 3 pieces of identification! It's lovely. I have put it in a place of honour over the mantelpiece.

Alas, though! I feel my brief hour of fame slipping away. Soon most people will have forgotten.

Sic transit gloria mundi!

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 06:33 PM

Actually, there's no monetary award, but there are a few gifts associated with the TGORF award. Some of them can be quite valuable. It's just a matter of finding the right sucker on e-Bay.

Little Hawk should soon be receiving the following:

A genuine stuffed shithouse rat from the Taxidermy studios of Howard Yonk! (That's him in the picture. Howie's in the running for next year's TGORF award.)

The key to a 1981 Dodge van that doesn't run anymore, but which its current owner, Tim, swears has a quarter-ounce of good pot somewhere in it. He just can't remember exactly where he hid it back in 1988. (Tim's also in the running for next year's TGORF award.)

An autographed picture of Freddie Ziolkowski, a genuine New York City wino who has freshly vomitted on himself and passed out. (Freddie's not in the running for next year's TGORF award. His grip on reality went from tenuous to non-existent about 800 gallons of MD 20-20 ago.)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 05:41 PM

LW-

No one, indeed!

All other awards pale in comparison.

And the money will prove useful as well!

There was a monetary ward as well, wasn't there?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Genie
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 04:22 PM

Wow, Hawk! What an honor! And that was one helluva acceptance speech too!

Amos said it right: No one deserves this award more than you!

Congratulations!

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 08:14 PM

LOL! I love it! Yes, the moderators of the Mudcat Cafe have lost all grip on reality they ever had. That is patently clear. The No Sense of Humor Foundation should be informed at once!

And Bee-Dub....your post of 11 Dec 09 - 04:01 PM is spot on. Brilliant summation!

Well, as a member of The Tenuous Grip on Reality Foundation's board of misdirectors, I can tell you that Little Hawk's TGORF award is both premature and overdue. It's overdue in the sense that, for many years, thousands of people have known him to be crazier than a shit-house rat. But it's premature in the sense that he's probably not yet as crazy as he's gonna be. But if TGORF were to wait too long to honor Little Hawk, his grip on reality may become totally nonexistent, in which case he would no longer be eligible for the award.

It's an award that exists on a slippery slope. The TGORF selection committee tries to honor people who seem to be just on the verge of stepping on the proverbial banana peel, and we believe Little Hawk's foot is on the downward arc.

I could not have put it better myself. Chongo's been saying the same thing for some time. (and he thinks he's going to be elected president in 2012)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM

And so goes another pleasing thread into the wormhole of alternative realities.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 05:20 PM

By the way, The Tenuous Grip on Reality Foundation's selection committee has advised us that they have received a recommendation for a supplemental award to be given to the moderators of The Mudcat Café. It seems that a post made to this thread in their name ("TGORF Selection Committee") has been deleted because it violated the forum's policy prohibiting non-member posting in non-music threads.

However, TGORF does not believe this action exhibits the presence of a tenuous grip on reality. They feel it exhibits a total loss of ANY grip on reality and, therefore, disqualifies the Mudcat moderators from any consideration for a supplememtal award. Instead, they have forwarded said recommendation to both The No Grip on Reality Foundation and The No Sense of Humor Foundation for further consideration.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 05:10 PM

What hotel does he get to stay in on the night of the award - anything like that Nobel do?

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 04:29 PM

These are the qualifications for TGORF candidate, Gnu:

1) The guys in white coats must not be knocking on the candidate's door, but they may be at the Tim Horton's down the street buying coffee.

2) When given a choice between spending a night in a $1,000,000 dollar hotel room or under a $1,000,000,000 dollar bridge, the candidate goes with the higher priced option.

3) Voices? What voices? Hell, I thought everybody heard 'em!

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: gnu
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 04:11 PM

What is the nomination process, and time line, and, what are the determinitive qualifications for a TGORF candidate?

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 04:01 PM

Well, as a member of The Tenuous Grip on Reality Foundation's board of misdirectors, I can tell you that Little Hawk's TGORF award is both premature and overdue. It's overdue in the sense that, for many years, thousands of people have known him to be crazier than a shit-house rat. But it's premature in the sense that he's probably not yet as crazy as he's gonna be. But if TGORF were to wait too long to honor Little Hawk, his grip on reality may become totally nonexistent, in which case he would no longer be eligible for the award.

It's an award that exists on a slippery slope. The TGORF selection committee tries to honor people who seem to be just on the verge of stepping on the proverbial banana peel, and we believe Little Hawk's foot is on the downward arc.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 02:24 PM

WAV - Good one! LOL! But Bobert has it right. The award was not premature, it was...as he said...long overdue.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:22 PM

WTF??????????

Sheesh. I hardly know where to begin.

First of all...Amos, if Shane was your brother, would you admit it? Hmm? I didn't think so. 'Nuff said.

Cheryl - My grip on reality is NOT "untenable". If it were, I would not be able to maintain it at all. It's tenuous! There's a difference, you know...

I am FAR from being the only loser in my family. What you have in my family is several generations of losers, and we're proud of it. We have established a standard of loserhood that many aspire to, but few attain. It is absurd to suggest that I would be so egotistical as to claim to be the only loser in my family.

Your comments about Eric Margolis are a load of horse puckey. You don't fool me. I know who you really are. You're Olive Whatnoll, posting under an assumed name, so just sod off, Olive.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 09:11 AM

Wait--Shane is Little Hawk's brother????? THis explains a lot, but one wonders why he never confessed it before!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 06:56 AM

No damper here, verser.... In reality (ha) this award is not only well deserved but, ahhhh, long overdue...

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 05:46 AM

...I do hate to put a dampner on things but, among not just the American but the world's media, the controversy remains - is this award premature?!

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: GUEST,Cheryl
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 02:00 AM

LH, if you were an honourable man, you would have acknowledged the significant contribution your brother Shane has made in your life. Shane has assisted you in maintaining your untenable grip in a number of ways, including bonding discussions in the early hours, keeping you company when he's out of jail, and by providing you with many opportunities to fund his recovery.

Why, LH, without Shane, I think you would think you were the only loser in your family.

It's not too late to make a second public statement, acknowledging your indebtedness to Shane.

And i think Eric margolis is a heap of cowshanky.

Please consider

Cheryl (Shane one true love).

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:40 PM

Winona's dulcet tones......

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:15 PM

What is that annoying little voice that keeps intruding on my pleasant reveries? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:13 PM

Just keep your perspective, Little Hawk. For example, keep in mind what TGORF stands for.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 02:10 PM

Things are picking up around here now that word has gotten around that I have won a T-GORF. The phone won't stop wringing (sic). The newspapers have sent people to interview me. The Dachshund is demanding an increase in his food allowance. Passersby are stopping to gawk at my residence.

I may have to hire security people soon. I had best call up William Shatner and get his advice on how to handle my newfound fame.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM

Hmmm. Well...that sounds quite intriguing. I think, though, that Winona should be free to choose her own style of clothing as she pleases, so she feels comfortable and at ease. If it was Audrey Hepburn visiting, then I could see a frilly fairy frock being quite appropriate...but in Winona's case...no. Winona should definitely pick out her own clothing. Something really stylish. Bill can most certainly dress up as an Elf, and I know he'll do it happily if he is paid well...(he'll do almost anything if he's paid well)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 08:57 PM

To: Little Hawk

Esteemed Sir,

Your requirements have been duly noted. As befits a man of your new status our Director in Charge of Fantasy (or DICOF, as we call him) is now looking into the possibility of a visit to your good self from Ms Ryder. Unfortunately our DICOF sometimes has high-flown flights of fantasy, and he had thought that Ms Ryder dressed in a frilly fairy frock, accompanied by Mr William Shatner dressed as an elf, would be a suitable visitation considering the Yule season into which we are now embarking.

Would you please let us know if this would be to your liking?

Regards
JennieG
on behalf of TGORF Selection Panel

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 02:02 PM

Here she is...

Mmmm...what a sweetie.

I can hardly wait.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:16 AM

Ohmigod! The TGORF selection panel totally ignored Little Hawk's obsession with Winona Ryder! Was it an oversight? Or did they simply conclude that, given all the other ways in which Little Hawk's grip on reality is tenuous, bringing it up would simply be overkill? Face it, if they were to try and mention ALL the ways in which Little Hawk is screwed up, the resulting publication would be WAY more than a normal person could read in a single sitting.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:28 AM

Amazing, just amazing, and so well deserved!

TGORF could not have picked a primer claimant if they had picked a pickled pepper.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:30 AM

Most kind of you Ms JennieG. What I would like is itemized below:

1. A blue ribbon with a gold center decoration.

2. You mentioned cash? Yes. As much as possible would be good. I do not wish to seem ungrateful or unappreciative by turning away good money, so give generously.

3. Tangible recognition? Well, how about a visit from Winona Ryder? I would accept a tangible visit from Winona Ryder at any time. My Tenuous Grip On Reality mental filters tell me there that is always a slight possibility of it happening, so now would appear to be the appropriate time to bring that possibility to fruition, as it were. The guest room and jacuzzi are standing ready as I speak. (Chongo is in Chicago right now, so we'll have the place all to ourselves. Well, except for the Dachshund, of course.)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:26 PM

To: Little Hawk

Esteemed Sir,

Permit me to offer my antipodean felicitations and congratulations on your TGORF award. Your small town of residence will, no doubt, bask in the reflected glory and honour of your good self.

I have been instructed to ask you, had you any thoughts on a tangible recognition for your award, ie. would you wish the award to be in cash, or in kind? Also, what colour would you like the ribbon from which the award itself will hang, pendant, on your splendid thoracic region?

Yours faithfully

JennieG
on behalf of TGORF Selection Panel

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 01:33 PM

LOL!!! That's another one I've got to block and paste and put up on the wall here.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 01:30 PM

He's more to be slighted than censored,
A terrible waste of a man,
He smells like raccoon and he sleeps until noon,
And he only drinks when he can.
OF women he swears he's had many,
But they both say he wasn't much fun
Being sozzled on brew,
He was too drunk to screw,
And hepassed out while lying on one.
He's a wastrel, a ne'erdowell dingle,
A pimple on the bum of man kind,
So if comes your way
Just dismiss him and say
"Go back to Blind River, you swine."

A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 01:17 PM

More in disarray than despair, I would say.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 01:13 PM

Ha. Ha. Real funny. Meanwhiles my little brother Shane is in total dispare and is tryin' to end it all becoz of the fliphead Rapaire and the rest of youse flipheads on this flippin' forum.

Look at the terruble shape he is in now. He don't even care that it's cold outside. He is too far gone fer that.

My little brother in total dispare!


Youse should all be ashamed of yerselfs!

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:00 AM

Tell ya' what, Sins... I'll give you her cell phone nummber an' I think I'll let you tell her... Okay???

(Cowardice, Boberdz, cowardice...)

Yeah, I ain't in da' Nile here...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 08:26 AM

Come on baby light my fire...


Now it's a music thread.



Maybe you could tell P-Vine that in Australia certain plants only germinate AFTER a fire. She might believe you actually planned the mess.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 08:01 AM

Well, don't get me wrong 'cause I loves the LH like a brother but the bonfire hasn't quite worked out all that good... Mr. Wilson's barn burned to the ground and we still have three of hogs unaccounted fir... A couple of them don't much matter but Lester has won the Page County 4H Fair fir the last 6 years a'runnin' and ain't yer standard bacon... No sir, 'er mam... Lester is da' man... Well, not da' man exactly but the head hog in the county... And as luck, or lack thereof, would have it Lester shouldn't have been in that barn at all last night... Lester has his own crib with TV and all but...

...well, 'cause of the recent storms the satalite TV was out in Lester's barn and so Mr. Wilson figured that it would be okay if Les hung out with his other hogs until the Direct TV folks got here today to fix the sumabich... So here I been up all night ridin' 'round the holler yellin' Lester out the car window while I should be home keepin' an eye on this gol dangfed fire that is still burnin' strong... Might of fact, it also jumped to a dead locust where tyhe red squirrels live and so that tree is on fire, too... The squirrls have beat feet but looks as if that tree is about to fall into the P-Vine's prized azalea bed...

Hmmmmmmm????

So, ahhhhh, next time one of these things comes along, ya'll just PM Little Hawk with yer congrates and leave my poor ol boney hillbilly butt outta it, thank you...

Yeah, amybe WYSuzie is right... A foundation would be alot easier than chasing hogs, displacin' flyin' squirrels and burnin' up azaleas...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 10:45 PM

I have notified the Idaho Legion and they agreed that since Bobert is having the bonfire, they, in the spirit of Liberty expressed by John Quincy Adams in 1776, will fire cannonades is several directions and set fire to Raw-assed Pete's outhouse, where the fireworks and explosives are currently stored.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 10:40 PM

I wanna go to the Bobertarian Party.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 10:38 PM

This is indeed shaping up to be the most exciting night of my life! A Tee-GORF! All my life I've dreamt of winning one. I knew that my tenuous grip on reality gave me a fighting chance, but I didn't dare to hope that I'd actually win "the Big One". Whoo-Hoo! If we get enough of them bonfires lit, it may panic NORAD. They'll think that Al Queda has struck and scramble all their fighters and stuff. This could get not just hysterical, but historical before it's finished.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 10:23 PM

No but I can get a real deal on 1930's era Hollywood gala opening spotlights...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 09:49 PM

Bonfire! What a great idea! I gotta buncha limbs what Tropical Storm Ida blew outta trees piled up t' burn. Bobert can do a bonfire in Virginee, an' I'll do one in Floribama, an' Rapaire can do one in Idaho, an' Amos can do one in San Diego... No, wait... They prob'ly frown on bonfires in San Diego... Wonder if Amos has one of those big ol' Q-Beam deer shinin' lights?

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 08:47 PM

Hey, WYSuzie... I'm jus gonna have a big bonfire... No foundations... They cost ya' money... I ain't got any of that but I do have a bigass pile of stumps...

Maybe Bobertarian Stumpdation???

But nevermind stumps fir now (see Tiger Wood thread)... This is LH's night to shine... I mean, the Tee-GORF today, the Nobel Preace Prize tomorrow... Well, figuratively speaking seein' as they all ready gave it to Obama fir givena cvouple good speeches... LH, on the other hand, ain't like Obama... He has a long delussional history that ain't all fluff and circumstance... He's what Obama may one day be...

Opps!!! Gotta go... Seems my fire has accidently lit up my neighor, Mr. Wilson's loafing barn and his hogs are runnin' wild thru the holler...

Later...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 08:01 PM

Bobertarian Foundation?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 07:59 PM

Sheet fire!!!

I've had this stack of stumps and trees in a bigass pile down the hill in the middle of a bigass filed just waitin' for the right occasion to light the sumabich off and now that occasion has presented itself...

Cowabunga!!!

There's gonna be a bigass fire tonight in Page County... I reckon that if LH looks out his window- no, not that one, the one on the south side of the house- then he'll see that fire right there in the safety of his own house... It's gonna be so big that it'll one day be referred to as the "Little Hawk Fire of '09"...

Hmmmmmmm??? Where'd I put them matches???

(Try yer stash box, Boberdz...)

Oh, yeah... Thanks...

Congrates, LH... You deserve this one... Hope you like yer fire...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 07:05 PM

GEt a Mac, Hawkster. You will be much happier once you realize resistance is futile...

As for Shane, if he has been moved back to the brink of suicide, you owe Rapaire a vote of thanks, since the bulk of his life has been a slow succumb.



A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:44 PM

I feel your pain, man. I know how to fix it now, but I'm not going to tell you, because you have driven poor Shane to the brink of suicide by spreading rumours about Officer Dana.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:42 PM

nuqDaq waqwlj vllamHa'choHmoH?

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:28 PM

It happens occasionally. It happens when one holds oneès finger down on some key for a few seconds while thinking about something...then you start to type, and you get weird symbols. Trouble is, I canèt figure out how to cancel it now.

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:25 PM

Your keyboard is going where no keyboard has gone before.... soon it will be posting in Klingon....

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:20 PM

An undulating phosphorescent nebula of phantasms...

I like the sound of that. Can I use it in some future epic, AmosÉ

Some stupid thing has happened on the keyboard. When I try to do a question mark I get this: É

I have no idea why itès happening. Now the apostrophe mark is fucked up too!

èèèèèèÈÈÈÈÈÈÈÈ

Great. How do I get rid of this weird codeÉ HowÉ

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 05:05 PM

Which, since it it is reportedly an undulating phosphorescent nebula of phantasms, is a tall order.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 04:43 PM

Normal usually means "the way most people behave" in any given context.

So if you were a normal New Guinea headhunter, you would hunt down people from other tribes, kill them, eat them, and keep their heads on display as a household decoration.

What needs to be determined, therefore, is the given context in which I live....

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM

""...Mr. Hawk seems to manage a fairly normal life....



uhmmm, could you define normal?""

I think you might need to skip that, Janie, and wholly re-define it. from scratch.

Don T

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 02:41 PM

Now...HERRRESSSSSS...Tony!

Tony Clifton sings "The Star Spangled Banner" - Riveting!

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 02:08 PM

correction: it should be spelled wiener dog

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 02:04 PM

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! This is AMAAAAZING!!!!!!!

I have waited many years for this honor. What can I say? I am humbled. Yes, humbled, and deeply grateful for being recognized in this manner.

As Amos says, where would I be without Chongo? Where? It's hard to say. There are many I wish to thank for having attained this singular honor, and Chongo and Shane are at the head of the list. I regret to say that Shane has gone into a major depression, and is presently trying to drink himself to death, this being the result of an irresponsible rumour spread by Rapaire to the effect that Jennifer Dana (Shane's unrequited love) is getting married. The entire booze supply in the Blind River region is therefore in great peril. I don't know how it will all end.

But I digress...

I also wish to offer a heartfelt thanks and tribute to some of my UK friends. First and foremost, the remarkable Penelope Rutledge whom we have not heard much from lately. Without Penelope I would not be where I am today. She is a veritable apotheosis of good taste, style, intelligence, character, and fine English breeding, and she represents an ideal to which we can all aspire, though very few of us can ever expect to reach it. Penelope, my hat is off to you! I worship at your feet. If you need your wine glass filled or your dainty shoes polished or your fine chinaware dusted, I am at your immediate disposal!

Then there is the inestimable Olive Whatnoll, whose picture appears above, and her charming husband Eddie, the dart champion of Horse End and the largest free-sitting structure in 'Ull. Olive and Eddie represent the best of the British working class, the salt of the Earth people who weathered the Blitz and sent Hitler and Goebbels packing in 1940-45. Bloody roight, Olive!!!

Then there's William Shatner who taught me everything I know about acting.... Mr Bill, you are my hero.

In the realm of journalism, a vineyard in which I have toiled from time to time, I have another hero from the UK: Hector Ballsworthy, chief editor and originator of the Independent Press, the world's most courageous tabloid. Hector has been the first to advise us of a whole series of dire threats to life as we know it on Planet Earth, and his contribution to human knowledge has been inestimable.

Thank you, Hector!

Then there is Corridus, the plucky little hamster, recently emerged for the second time from his cryogenic vault, a rodent who has boldy gone where no rodents went before. Corridus now seeks to establish the land speed record for rodents, and I wish him all good fortune in that endeavour.

I could go on and on....and I know you would love it if I did...but I am a person who understands forbearance and moderation. I know when enough is enough. Yes indeed. I am not the type who simply rambles on and on and overstays his welcome. Not me. No sir.

So I will finish up by thanking my weiner dog, who is perfectly pictured above. Marvelous choice of picture, Bee-dub, that IS the very dog, and what a noble beast he is! Thank you, thank you, one and all!

Now go watch some Tony Clifton clips on Youtube...and find out what a REAL entertainer sounds like.

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 12:02 PM

Where would Dylan be without Baez, AND where would LH be without Chongo?!

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 09 - 11:50 AM

Or, failing that, Corridus the Giant Hamster, or Wiener the Wonder Dog.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Dec 09 - 10:43 PM

If he can't accept the award in person(s), perhaps Captain Kirk can do the honors? ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Janie
Date: 06 Dec 09 - 10:26 PM

...Mr. Hawk seems to manage a fairly normal life....



uhmmm, could you define normal?

Subject: RE: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 09 - 10:23 PM

Wow!! I am extremely impressed, Little Hawk. And, I might add, I am not a little jealous.

Congratulations. No-one deserves it more!



A

Subject: BS: Humanitarian Foundation Honors 'Catter
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Dec 09 - 09:00 PM

GREAT NEWS!

Along with the other honors lately being bestowed upon members of the Mudcat community, we've just learned that The Tenuous Grip on Reality Foundation (TGORF - pronounced "Tee-GORF") has chosen our very own Little Hawk as their 2010 poster child!

Here's the TGORF press release in its entirety:

Our decision to elect Mr. Hawk as our 2010 poster-child was a real no-brainer. To say he exhibits symptoms of Multiple Personality Disorder is a bit like saying fish exhibit symptoms of swimming. He's so screwed up his delusions have delusions. His best friends are all of other species: a real (we suppose) wiener dog, an imaginary gun-toting chimp, and an imaginary (we hope) illiterate beer-swilling hoser. Why, when our representatives arrived at his humble home in Orillia to tell him of our decision, he answered the door as Mrs. Olive Whatnall!

Yet, despite exhibiting behaviors that would send a lesser person directly to the loony bin, Mr. Hawk seems to manage a fairly normal life (aside from spending way too many hours posting to The Mudcat Cafe). It would be easy for us to find some drug-addled loser who's already slipped over the edge into the abyss, but that's not what this honor is all about. Mr. Hawk, in the face of tremendous odds, has managed to hold on to the slimmest, tiniest portion of reality. For that, we are proud to have him as our 2010 Tenuous Grip on Reality Foundation poster child!

Congratulations, Little Hawk!