Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Date: 12 Dec 00 - 11:52 AM OK, I was telling a friend about this thread, and he started singing this: Kenneth Starr Is Coming To Town ... And that is all he recalls, anybody know the rest? Thanks! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Date: 11 Dec 00 - 01:33 PM The thank-you notes I saw lo these many years ago were different, I recall "the groundsmen have orders to shoot you on sight" being in the last letter. Still very funny! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bernard Date: 08 Dec 00 - 11:41 AM Ever heard of 'cut and paste'?!! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Wolfgang Date: 08 Dec 00 - 05:24 AM Bernard, I hope you haven't typed all that. It is in the DT: Wolfgang |
Subject: Lyr Add: THE TWELVE THANK YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS From: Bernard Date: 07 Dec 00 - 12:49 PM THE TWELVE THANK YOU NOTES OF CHRISTMAS Dec 25 My dearest darling Edward, What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear-tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you. Your deeply loving Emily. Dec 26 Beloved Edward, The two turtle-doves arrived this morning, and are cooing away in the pear-tree as I write. I'm so touched and grateful! With undying love, as always, Emily. Dec 27 My darling Edward, You do think of the most original presents! Who ever thought of sending anybody three French hens? Do they really come all the way from France? It's a pity we have no chicken coops, but I expect we'll find some. Anyway, thank you so much; they're lovely! Your devoted Emily. Dec 28 Dearest Edward, What a surprise! Four calling birds arrived this morning. They are very sweet, even if they do call rather loudly - they make telephoning almost impossible - but I expect they'll calm down when they get used to their new home. Anyway, I'm very grateful, of course I am. Love from Emily. Dec 29 Dearest Edward, The mailman has just delivered five most beautiful gold rings, one for each finger, and all fitting perfectly! A really lovely present! Lovelier, in a way, than birds, which do take rather a lot of looking after. The four that arrived yesterday are still making a terrible row, and I'm afraid none of us got much sleep last night. Mother says she wants to use the rings to "wring" their necks. Mother has such a sense of humour. This time she's only joking, I think, but I do know what she means. Still, I love the rings. Bless you, Emily. Dec 30 Dear Edward, Whatever I expected to find when I opened the front door this morning, it certainly wasn't six socking great geese laying eggs all over the porch. Frankly, I rather hoped that you had stopped sending me birds. We have no room for them, and they've already ruined the croquet lawn. I know you meant well, but let's call a halt, shall we? Love, Emily. Dec 31 Edward, I thought I said NO MORE BIRDS. This morning I woke up to find no more than seven swans, all trying to get into our tiny goldfish pond. I'd rather not think what's happened to the goldfish. The whole house seems to be full of birds, to say nothing of what they leave behind them, so please, please, stop! Your Emily. Jan 1 Edward Frankly, I prefer the birds. What am I to do with eight milkmaids? And their cows! Is this some kind of a joke? If so, I'm afraid I don't find it very amusing. Emily. Jan 2 Look here, Edward, This has gone far enough. You say you're sending me nine ladies dancing. All I can say is, judging from the way they dance, they're certainly not ladies. The village just isn't accustomed to seeing a regiment of shameless viragos, with nothing on but their lipstick, cavorting round the green, and it's Mother and I who get the blame. If you value our friendship, which I do (less and less), kindly stop this ridiculous behavior at once! Emily. Jan 3 As I write this letter, ten disgusting old men are prancing up and down all over what used to be the garden, before the geese and the swans and the cows got at it. And several of them, I have just noticed, are taking inexcusable liberties with the milkmaids. Meanwhile the neighbours are trying to have us evicted. I shall never speak to you again. Emily. Jan 4 This is the last straw! You know I detest bagpipes! The place has now become something between a menagerie and a madhouse, and a man from the council has just declared it unfit for habitation. At least Mother has been spared this last outrage; they took her away yesterday afternoon in an ambulance. I hope you're satisfied. Jan 5 Sir, Our client, Miss Emily Wilbraham, instructs me to inform you that with the arrival on her premises at 7:30 this morning of the entire percussion section of the Boston Symphony Orchestra, and several of their friends, she has no course left open to her but to seek an injunction to prevent you importuning her further. I am making arrangements for the return of much assorted livestock. I am, Sir, yours faithfully, G. Creep Attorney at law. Phew!!
https://www.monologues.co.uk/Parodies/Twelve_Days_Correspondence.htm |
Subject: Lyr Add: GOD DAMN YOU, HARRY MENDELSON From: catspaw49 Date: 07 Dec 00 - 11:33 AM Lovely all...just completely sick and perverted .... and I love to see other Pogo fans around. Here's one for my tailor.
God damn you Harry Mendelson
God damn you Harry Mendelson
God damn you Harry Mendelson Merry Christmas! Spaw
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Trevor Date: 07 Dec 00 - 10:17 AM Have you heard the thing by (I think) Joyce Grenfell, based on 'The Twelve Days', which starts with a thank you note to her beau for the wonderful gift of a partidge in a pear tree, and ends with a solicitor's letter demanding removal of the ten lords-a-leaping, seven maids and so on. Brilliant! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GUEST,Mary in Kentucky Date: 07 Dec 00 - 09:52 AM To the tune of Jingle Bells, dedicated to all of us Yorkie lovers...
Stomping thru the snow,
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Subject: Lyr Add: ARREST THESE MERRY GENTLEMEN From: GeorgeH Date: 07 Dec 00 - 08:45 AM OK, here's "Arrest These Merry Gentlemen". Fortunately I found it in "Since Time Immoral: The Kipper Family Songbook" which made my life easier. Perhaps I'll copy the only other Christmas song for Monday. ARREST THESE MERRY GENTLEMEN (C) Dick Nudds and Chris Sugden
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Naemanson Date: 06 Dec 00 - 10:41 PM There is a poem out there somewhere that consists of a list of retail stores and products and ends, "Oh God, What have we done to Christmas?" Does anyone know where to find it? |
Subject: Lyr Add: A CHRISTMAS CAROL (Tom Lehrer) From: GUEST,Peter from Easton PA Date: 06 Dec 00 - 08:40 PM Tom Lehrer's "A CHRISTMAS CAROL" is too good not to be printed here complete. A classic.
Christmas time is here, by golly
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens
On Christmas Day you can't get sore
Relations, sparing no expense'll
It doesn't matter how sincere it
"Hark the Herald Tribune sings
"God rest ye merry merchants
"Angels we have heard on high
So let the raucous sleighbells jingle Here's another version of "We Three Kings":
We three kings of Orient are
We two kings of Orient are
I one king of Orient are |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bert Date: 06 Dec 00 - 05:37 PM An Ex-Lax Brother in Law Maybe??? |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Haruo Date: 06 Dec 00 - 04:46 PM Abby Sale What exactly constitutes an ex-ex-ex-brother-in-law?John P Yep, Fremont Baptist. The Church at the Center of the Universe. I frequently listen to your speakers while waiting for the bus. Thanks. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Date: 06 Dec 00 - 01:55 PM Keep'm coming! These are great! |
Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE COOKHOUSE From: The Walrus at work Date: 06 Dec 00 - 01:52 PM There is, of course the Great War piece, parodying a Christmas recitation (Christmas Day in the Workhouse)rather than a carol:-
CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE COOKHOUSE Good luck Walrus |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: rabbitrunning Date: 06 Dec 00 - 12:31 PM Ah, I've missed you guys... Sophocleese, we sang it as: We three kings of Orient are Tried to smoke a rubber cigar It was loaded and exploded Creating yonder star (pause for somber look...) Silent night... Also, we sang just the beginning of "Jingle bells, Santa smells, easter's on the way..."
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Naemanson Date: 06 Dec 00 - 12:08 PM Good Luck, BG! I always worry about the White Cat escaping. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bat Goddess Date: 06 Dec 00 - 11:58 AM I've got a little book of cat carols around someplace, but I can't find it so I an't give an attribution right this minute, but here's my favorite: Joy to the world, 'cuz cats are here They fill our hearts with joy. Let everyone Prepare them food And let them eat their fill And let them eat their fill And let, and let them eat their fill And right now I have to get back to looking for the kitten. The door blew open and when I came downstairs Creamsicle ran it, but I can't find Banjo. She's never been outside before (since she was born under a house), though has been very curious about it. I've been trying the old treats trick but no luck. She may even be hiding somewhere in the house. I'm going to bring in another load of firewood and hope she shows up. (Sigh) Wish me luck. Bat Goddess |
Subject: Lyr Add: HARK THE HERALD ANGLES SING (parody) From: GUEST,LD Date: 06 Dec 00 - 11:17 AM I'm not proud of this, hence not giving my name. During the Korean conflict (does this date me?) I was stationed at a base where we had to march in formation everywhere we went. The base Chaplin ordered that during the month of December we were to sing Christmas songs while we marched. Our squadron wrote and/or stole several parodies and sang them as we marched. Most were simple gross - this is one I can print. BTW, we were confined to barracks for two weeks, and the order to sing was rescinded. To the tune of "Hark the Herald Angles Sing":
Uncle George and Auntie Mable |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Mrrzy Date: 06 Dec 00 - 08:59 AM ALthough my fave was always the Lehrer one, I have to laugh at some of these posted here. There was one my sisters and I used to sing, to the tune of Sheep on the Hillside, it started Shit on the hillside, shit on the hillside, stinking up the shadows / Flies all around it Flies all around it.. and I don't remember the rest. Will investigate... |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: skarpi Date: 06 Dec 00 - 08:54 AM Hallo all , here in Iceland is NO snow just warm and windy at the moment, but it coult snowing on sunday. Oh and christmas time it is to long in Iceland. To all of you MERRY CHRISTMAS from land of Ice and fire..........and Earthquakes. All the best skarpi Iceland. P.S I am going now on the NASA wepside looking info about a very,very bright star in north sky. Bless. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GeorgeH Date: 06 Dec 00 - 08:42 AM OK, I'll try transcribing "Arrest these Merry Gentlemen" and post it here before Christmas. But I'll draw the line at the Kippers' version of "Gaudetee". G. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: mkebenn Date: 06 Dec 00 - 06:30 AM Twenty years ago, two friends and I created this mess. I claim credit for the middle four, a lawyer wrote the first and a milkman the last. On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a porno movie staring Brooke Shields.. On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two Danish whores... On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me three French ticklers.. On the four the day of Christmas my true love gave to me four filthy posters.. On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me fine felatio.. six Colleens cumming..seven sheep asweatin'..eight lesies lickin'..nine nymphos nibblin'...ten bungholes bobblin'..eleven excellent erections...twelve tantalizing titties...Mike |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Ana Date: 06 Dec 00 - 02:19 AM 's not fair to tantalise me, and not provide the words!! Any lyrics for "Arrest these Merry Gentlemen"?? Cheers Ana
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bert Date: 05 Dec 00 - 07:18 PM THREAD OF THE WEEEEEEK!!!! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bill Hahn//\\ Date: 05 Dec 00 - 06:22 PM Yes---Westar--those were the words, but Lehrer's title was just a Christmas Carol. On his recording he led into it with an intro which explained all the things that come later. I fyou like this check out John Forster's work.
Bill H
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bill Hahn//\\ Date: 05 Dec 00 - 06:21 PM Yes---Westar--those were the words, but Lehrer's title was just a Christmas Carol. On his recording he led into it with an intro which explained all the things that come later.
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bardford Date: 05 Dec 00 - 06:06 PM My mistake. That should be poets laureate. What a hosehead,eh? Bardford |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bardford Date: 05 Dec 00 - 06:03 PM Here's a 12 days of Christmas favourite by my good buds Bob and Doug MacKenzie, poet laureates of the Great White North On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me Eight comic books Seven packs of smokes Six packs of two-fours Five golden toques Four pounds of back bacon Three french toasts Two turtlenecks And a beer in a tree (Bob & Doug didn't cover days nine through twelve.) |
Subject: Lyr Add: FROSTY THE SNOWMAN From: Andrea Date: 05 Dec 00 - 05:12 PM Assuming the "Frosty the Snowman' you're looking for is the regular one:
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Date: 05 Dec 00 - 10:16 AM Well I have to admit loving Kevin Bloody Wilson's moving Christmas ballad (bad language alert): "Hey Santa Claus you c***, Where's me f***ing bike? I've been through all this other sh*t And there's nothing here I like" etc etc. Perhaps of little musical merit, but it made me laugh the first time I heard it. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Banjer Date: 04 Dec 00 - 08:33 PM Oh how I love it! I never realized there were so many parodies around.....Do keep them coming.....Please!! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: weststar Date: 04 Dec 00 - 07:59 PM Bill H. Was it " Hark, the Herold Tribune sings Advertising toys and things " ? |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Bill Hahn//\\ Date: 04 Dec 00 - 07:15 PM Tom Lehrer has a great piece---just called Christmas Carol. Sung to the tune of Hark the Herald Angels Sing. I also love John Forster's All Purpose Carol. If you tune in to WFDU 89.1 FM (Teaneck NJ) or on the web www.wfdu.fm between 3-6 PM I guarantee you will hear both and a lot more on the TRADITIONS program that day. Bill Hahn |
Subject: Lyr Add: BORIS, THE BLUE-BALLED REINDEER From: MMario Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:34 PM YOu know Basher, and Canker, and Pander and Vixen Vomit and Stupid, and Blunder and Shitzen; But do you recall....The most frustrated reindeer of all? Boris, the blue balled reindeer had two balls that really glowed! and if you ever saw him You would say it really showed! All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names They wouldn't let poor Boris join in kinky reindeer games Then one starlit Christmas Eve Mrs. Clause came to say Boris with your balls so blue Have I got a Christmas Present for you! Oh how that woman loved him! As they achieved ecstacy! Oh Boris the Blue-balled Reindeer Taught her beastiality! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GeorgeH Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:23 PM Glad someone mentioned the Kipper Family's "Arrest these merry gentlemen" . . great favourite of ours. There was also a cassette tribute to Nigel Chippendale which included a set of "Christmas inserts" he did for a radio program . . much musical hillarity, and well worth looking out for. G. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: sophocleese Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:17 PM I want Boris, I want Boris! Ple-e-e-e-ease MMArio. |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: MMario Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:14 PM oops! or turkey - whichever - depends on what gags we've had running beforehand.... |
Subject: Lyr Add: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A CHRISTMAS GOOSE? From: MMario Date: 04 Dec 00 - 11:51 AM since the piper insists on playing "What do you do with a drunken sailor" during our Christmas gig on the streets of Skaneatlas - I've come up with this Christmas song.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A CHRISTMAS GOOSE?
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GUEST,Ed Date: 04 Dec 00 - 11:22 AM MMario, post "What do you do with a Christmas turkey", please! |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Wolfgang Date: 04 Dec 00 - 10:33 AM Christmas comes but once a year (or: Thank Christ for Christmas Wolfgang |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GUEST,John Leeder Date: 04 Dec 00 - 10:24 AM The Kipper Family have a terrific album of Christmas carol parodies, "Arrest These Merry Gentlemen". |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: dick greenhaus Date: 04 Dec 00 - 10:17 AM I don't recall that Good Kimg Sauerkraut ever got completed. As I recall, Good king Sauerkraut went out Om his feets uneven. When the snoo lay all about.... And here someone would ask "What's snoo?" And be asnwered, "NBothing much. What's snoo with you?" |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: MMario Date: 04 Dec 00 - 10:06 AM So - would this be the place to post "Boris the blue-balled reindeer"? or "What do you do with a Christmas turkey?" |
Subject: Lyr Add: HARK! THE JELLY BABIES SING From: Bernard Date: 04 Dec 00 - 09:18 AM Hark! The Jelly Babies sing Beecham's Pills are just the thing! Safe, effective, strong yet mild Two for an adult, one for a child If you want to go tp Heaven Take a dose of six or seven If you want to go to Hell Take the bloody box as well! Hark! The Jelly Babies sing Beecham's Pills are just the thing! That's the version I know... |
Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: Seth Date: 04 Dec 00 - 04:10 AM My family has been singing "Deck Us All with Boston Charlie" for years, but my wife insists there is yet another Pogo carol " Good King Sauerkraut", but she can't recall the lyrics, if there were any. I say it was an extended dialouge between Albert, Churchy and Pogo about why good king Sauerkraut didn't invite the guy in from the cold, or give him some turkey, or something besides walk around with him in the snow, picking up sticks. YOu do that with the homeless people where I used to live, you might get your lights punched out. Anyway, does anyone know it? My kids always favored Alan Sherman's "Twelve Days of Christmas." Seth from China |
Subject: Lyr Add: OH, CHRISTMAS TREE From: GUEST,Al Date: 04 Dec 00 - 01:31 AM Here's one we made up to Oh, Christmas Tree
Oh Christmas tree Oh Christmas tree
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Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies From: GUEST,PoohBear Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:27 AM From the SCA collection:
Silent knight, unconscious knight, Or. . .
We came upon a midnight clear and battered down the gates. |
Subject: Lyr Add: DECK US ALL WITH BOSTON CHARLIE From: Abby Sale Date: 04 Dec 00 - 12:20 AM Liland: Some of it is. Here's more. This is my least expertise but I wanted to post in time for any who wish to refresh themselves on the simple text in time for any Christmas show they may perform. I think it's time to post America's favorite - perhaps the entire English-speaking world and Australia's favorite Christmas song. This was thoroughly researched by several Members of rec.music.folk to get definitive. There were several emendations and popular renditions have, of course, been subject to much variation through the Folk Process. This is the most widely available version: (My ex-ex-ex-brother-in-law, Charlie from Boston's favorite song, for some reason.) Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo! Nora's freezin' on the trolley, Swaller dollar cauliflower alley'garoo! Don't we know archaic barrel, Bark us all bow-wows of folly, Hunky Dory's pop is lolly gaggin' on the wagon, Deck us all in bowls of barley, Bark us all bow-wows of folly, There were several revisions - this one as printed in Outrageously Pogo, © 1985, Simon & Schuster.
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Subject: Lyr Add: WE THREE KINGS OF LEICESTER SQUARE From: Bernard Date: 03 Dec 00 - 05:00 PM We Three Kings of Leicester Square Selling knick-knacks, tuppence a pair. They're fantastic - no elastic! Buy your granny a pair... O-oh! Star of wonder, star of night Sit on a box of dynamite Light the fuse, away we go Around the world to Mexico... |
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