Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse

Subject: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 17 Apr 16 - 07:15 PM

The search engine suggests this somewhat more adult verse has never been recorded in the wild before. I've transcribed it from Jim Carter: Lonnie Donnegan and Me (ITV 1 17.4.2016)

One day whilst in a café
He spilt a milkman's tea
The milkman rose to argue
And he was six foot three...

The aninals in Australia
Are very, very strange
They've got one called a platypus
You'll find 'im on the range
You'll always recognise him
You'll know 'im like your brother
His platy hangs on one end
And his pussy's on the other

One point Lonnie's son Pete made is that this is actually a folk-heritage piece, as the music comes from My Old Man's a Soldier,

My Old Man;'s a soldier
Fought in the Battke of Mons
Killed ten thousand Germans
With only a hundred bombs
One lay here, one lay there, one lay round the corner
One poor soul wiv a bullet up 'is 'ole
Crying out for water...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 17 Apr 16 - 08:01 PM

Dear Rahere,
That is a dandy contribution to the Mudcat Cafe.... THANK YOU

About what geographic location on the globe did the encounter with the lyrics take place?

You will probably have fun with connections to other....

http://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=9573

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 18 Apr 16 - 07:18 AM

I remember the milkman verse being included in his rendition performed either at the London Palladium or at the 1960 Royal Command Performance, either way it was on television, and for some reason it stuck with me:-
"One day whilst in a café he spilled a milkman's tea,
The milkman stood to argue and he was six foot three,
I'm very, very sorry he cried out in remorse,
Then ran out of the café and kicked the milkman's horse"
If you can get hold of a copy of Harry Shapiro's autobiography of Alexis Korner there is a passage where Donegan talks at some length about the song, its origins and verses that he would not be allowed to sing.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: Tradsinger
Date: 18 Apr 16 - 05:30 PM

I remember Roaring Jelly in the 70s singing a couple of verses that they probably wrote themselves:

[from memory]
Though my old man's a dustman, I'd have you all to know
He used to be a dentist many years ago
He got struck off the register, it really was pathetic
He was doing things to ladies that were under anesthetic.

Though my old man's a dustman, I'd have have you to know
He used to be a policeman, many years ago
You'd often see him there, walking round Soho
I said "Do you have relations there?" "Yeah, every time I go".

Enjoy

Tradsinger

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: GUEST,Warren James
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 03:15 PM

He goes to great occasions
And all the big parades
See all the royal people
And yards and yards of braids
He see carriages and horses
Each one with a groom
And when they've finished passing
He follows..... with broom

Oh my old man's a dustman, etc etc

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: Lighter
Date: 13 Mar 20 - 06:13 PM

His "platy" is presumably is his tail, since it "hangs" at one end.

Which means his "puss [face] is" on the other.

No male platypus, moreover, has a vagina at one end.

Not even a pouch.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Mar 20 - 01:20 PM

Is this related to My old man's a sailor / ... / cotton-picking finger-licking feather-flicking chicken plucker, whaddaya think about that, where in every verse the profession gets a syllable longer (as you go through the collar, hat, raincoat and shoes for each) but the chorus is And every Saturday evening, he reads the Sunday news?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: GUEST,Keith Potger
Date: 28 Nov 23 - 08:19 PM

Circle Music Publishing & Production
PO Box 341 Braidwood NSW 2622 Australia
Mobile [phone]
email [e-mail]
ABN 37 515 458 271





SANTA ISN’T SANTA
Words by Keith Potger, Melody can be Dustman
© 2020 Circle Music Publishing




Oh Santa isn’t Santa, He’s really Chaplain Jim
And mummy said that I should be especially scared of him.
She’s right because he took me round behind the choir stalls
He tried to touch my willy so I kicked him in the balls.

Oh Santa isn’t Santa, he’s really Brother Bert
And underneath his cassock he wears panties and a skirt.
He adds a bra on Sundays when he serves the bread and wine.
The Pope is not too happy but the cardinals say: “That’s fine.”

Oh Santa isn’t Santa, he’s really Bishop Leigh.
He fondles little kiddies while they’re sitting on his knee.
He tries to act like he’s just some old ordinary chap
But two kids got so frightened that they pissed right in his lap.

Oh Santa isn’t Santa, he’s really Deacon Don.
He saw my sister all alone and tried to get it on.
She knew his reputation coz he creeps around so much.
She waited ‘til he grabbed her, then she kneed him in the crotch.

Oh Santa isn’t Santa, he’s really Cardinal Paul.
He knows about what’s going on but he does bugger all.
My dad said: ”F*ck me sideways! This is well beyond the pale,
And all those bloody clerics should be sent to bloody jail!”

So Santa isn’t Santa, I think it’s such a shame
That he’s become commercial playing crass commercial games.
They say that Christmas is a time for prayer and fun and smiles,
But some religious orders are a club for pedophiles.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: My Old Man's a Dustman - dirty verse
From: GUEST,Lang Johnnie More
Date: 30 Nov 23 - 09:18 AM

"Roaring Jelly" - mentioned above - also had a parody reggae version called "Babylon-nie Donegan", as well as their own version. Very funny trio, none like them today, unfortunately.