Christmas Parodies I

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Owlkat
Date: 18 Dec 06 - 08:52 PM

Spike Milligan's christmas song;
I'm walking backwards for christmas
Across the Irish sea
I'm walking backwards for christmas
It's the only life for me
I've tried walking sideways, and to the front
People just said, "Oh that's just a publicity stunt"
I'm walking backwards for christmas
The only thing for meeeeeeeeeeeee.

...think I got most of the words
Cheers.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Scrump
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 05:37 AM

Don't forget:

An immigrant lad loved an Irish colleen
From Dublin's Galway Bayyeeeeeeee
He longed for her arms
But she spurned his charms
And sailed o'er the foam awayyyeeee
She left the lad at home on his own
All alone, and sorroweeee-inggggggggg
And sadly he dreamed,
(Or at least that's the way it seemed, buddy)
That an angel choir to himmmmmmm,
An angel choir did singgggggggggggg

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: oggie
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 05:26 PM

John Connelly has a great one but I can only remember the chorus

Hark now hear the angels sing
Listen to what they say,
That in this world of sinners
There's a mug bornevery day.

Anyone got the verses?

All the best

oggie

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: oldhippie
Date: 19 Dec 06 - 09:58 PM

Tune: "I'll Be Home For Christmas"

I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love
Even more than I usually do
And although I'm lost, it's a long road back
This I promise you...
Well, I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
So, please have snow and lots of mistletoe
And presents under the tree
Oh, Christmas eve will find me
Where the love light gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Ian
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 04:15 AM

This hit my inbox yesterday
(Scouse is slang for Liverpudlian ie of Liverpool UK)

Scouse Christmas Song - (to the tune of Mistletoe and Wine: ...)


Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars all on fire - loot under the tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,
It's a time now for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knocked-off gear - oh worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV


Christmas time, p*ssed all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting p*ssed - on some other bloke's beer
Its a time now for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got down the backs - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough
So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so sh*tty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or we'll pinch all four wheels!


And Merry Chistmas/Xmas/Yueltide to you all.
Ian

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Jim I
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 05:57 AM

I remember when young (many decades ago) and non PC (still!) we used to sing

God rest ye Jerry mentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Although you're in a loony bin
Ye might get out one day

Unfortunately the ravages of time have deleted the rest from what passes from my brain.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Ian
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 07:23 AM

To follow on Jim I

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED


1. Schizophrenia ---
Do I Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder ---
We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia ---
I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic ---
Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic ---
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and
Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees
And.....


6. Paranoid ---
Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder ---
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder ---
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,
Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder ---
Silent night, Holy... Oooh look at the Froggy
    - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle, Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle

Subject: Lyr Add: JOHN HOWARD'S CHRISTMAS (John Warner)
From: JennyO
Date: 20 Dec 06 - 07:31 AM

Here's one that John wrote last year about our prime miniscule:


JOHN HOWARD'S CHRISTMAS

John Warner - December 2005. Tune - Good King Wencessessesslauss [ don't know how to stop spelling it.]

Christmas presents filled the mind
Of wee johnny howard.
He would rob the workers blind,
To see the rich empowered.
With his tiny brain in gear,
Plans the lad was making,
Gifts to give his mates this year,
From all others taking.

Workers who don't toe the line,
Let the bosses sack them.
Johnny howard says it's fine,
They'll have laws to back them.
All unfair dismissal laws,
Tinsel wrapped with holly,
Scrapped in the employers cause,
Won't that gang be jolly.

"Here's your nasal grindstone mate,
Gift wrapped from your master.
Don't complain or curse your fate,
Kindly pedal faster."
Round and round and round she goes,
Wearing faces down sir,
Bloody, red and flat our nose,
Howard's nose is brown, sir.

"Bring me flesh and bring me wine,
Bring a barbecue sir.
Plenty for these mates of mine,
No, there's none for you sir.
Lots of debts and lots of lies,
Financial excision,
If you dare to criticise,
We call that sedition."

Once a year does Christmas come,
A subject for reflection,
Noses flat and spirits numb,
When's the next election?
One more gift to open folks,
And it's a back hander,
One of howard's little jokes,
A national gerrymander.

Red suit and a fluffy beard,
Don't suit our prime minister.
Howard's puny soul is geared,
To a dress more sinister.
Mask and jemmy, stripey vest,
Pitchfork, horns and tail sir,
But broad arrows would be best,
And ten years in jail sir.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM

Refresh!

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: trevek
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:05 AM

Bill Barclay's 12 days of Christmas, where he gets drunk singing it...
http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=45868&messages=51&page=1

Boy Mongoose's version of 12 days
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owK5tHjL0aE

Achmed the dead terrorist's "Jingle Bombs"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskT6YfVB6E

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Cluin
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 10:06 PM

The Grinch Revisited.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: melodeonboy
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 07:02 AM

There's a really funny Christmas medley called "Christmas on the Estate" which appeared last year, and which I've adopted into my Christmas repertoire. I can't remember where it came from.

If anybody knows where it is, perhaps they can put it onto this thread, with appropriate link. Failing that, I'll put the lyrics on here myself, but it would, of course, be better with both a link to the song and a credit to whoever wrote it.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: MMario
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 08:37 AM

When our Dikckens carolers go into the bakery we frequently sing our :Qaulity control Carol"

Doughnuts, no yeast, pitch'em!

Subject: Lyr Add: MARY'S BOY CHILD
From: Sooz
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 11:38 AM

Oggie asked for this two years ago - hope you're still around!
                                 
MARY'S BOY CHILD
(as re-written for Christmas Grumpies by Grumpy John Conolly …)


Long time ago in Bethlehem,so the Holy Bible say
Christmas was invented – but they couldn't make it pay ..
They had no supermarkets,for to make the shekels roll –
Such wasted opportunity offends my very soul …

CHORUS :   HARK NOW HEAR THE ANGELS SING –LISTEN WHAT THEY SAY –
                      THAT IN THIS WORLD OF SINNERS, THERE'S A MUG BORN EVERY DAY …

Now, I'm a Supermarket Boss, I've got a chain of shops
And when it comes to Christmas time,we pull out all the stops…
Christmas Carols on the Musak,hear them loudly play,
And when they've pulled the punters in,we make the suckers pay …

Now Santa Claus's Magic Grotto brings in kids galore
While Mums and Dads are getting blotto, in the pub next door..
Come closing time,they'll wait in line ,to buy their Christmas tree –
Of course,they're twice the normal price ,but – Buy One,Get One Free !

Step right in for "Peace on Earth" and FREE "Goodwill to Man",
With our Olde English Christmas tat,made in Ye Olde Taiwan …
Get your plastic Homer Simpson,he's the latest rave –
You just unscrew his arsehole, and he's full of aftershave …

Now,down our street it looks a treat ,each house got up in style,
And our front garden's all lit up,like Blackpool's Golden Mile …
It's down to Dad – he's just gone mad ,with his Outdoor Lighting Set ..
And our New Year electric bill looks like the National Debt …

Old Christmas Hits from Yesteryear get thrust at me and you –
Like "Do They Know It's Christmas?" – YES, I THINK WE BLOODY DO !!!
We've known since MID-OCTOBER,and I really think it's time
To tell Cliff Richard where to stick his "Mistletoe and Wine " ….

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 04:31 PM

I like that doughnuts song, Leo.   Is that the same tune as
"Don't I Know This Possum?"

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 14 Dec 08 - 11:52 PM

Twelve Days of Cat-Mas
Feline version of 12 Days Of Christmas

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SCOUSE ROBBING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
From: GUEST,john_brunt
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 03:52 PM

THE SCOUSE ROBBING DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of christmas my true love robbed for me
a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the second day of christmas my true love robbed for me
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the third day of christmas my true love robbed for me
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the fourth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the fifth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the sixth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the seventh day of christmas my true love robbed for me
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the eighth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the ninth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the tenth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the eleventh day of christmas my true love robbed for me
eleven sovereign rings
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

On the twelvth day of christmas my true love robbed for me
twelve o a p's
eleven sovereign rings
ten gucci watches
nine ladies handbags
eight petrol stations
seven burgerburger kings
six pairs o' trainees
five burberry hats
four prada shirts
three shell suits
two tee vees
and a hub cap of a ca-pri

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

Melodeonboy

please perform "Christmas on the Estate" this weekend at the Good Intent?

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 02:14 AM

Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire (Bob Rivers)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHRISTMAS THONG (Jeanene Pratt)
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 03:16 AM

Back in Dec. 2001, Aine had a Song Challenge! concerning an office memo from Richard Branson to the Virgin Mobile staff re expected behavior (and verboten behavior) at the upcoming Christmas party - e.g., banning the practice of xeroxing rumps.    This New Christmas Party Conduct Guidelines generated a veritable spate of irreverent and hilarious compositions. Those that were parodies of Christmas carols or winter songs include these:

The Copied Bummer Boy

Rack Your Balls (Upon The Copier)

The Little Toner Drum Boy

The Office Secretary (Tune: Ding! Dong! Merrily On High

Just Bums Sitting On the Copier

Jolie All Saints Melanie

Give It A Rest, Ye Merry Revelers

This one is probably my favorite of the ones I had submitted: Memo (Re Christmas Office Party)

The Christmas Thong

THE CHRISTMAS THONG
Words:  Jeanene Pratt © 2001
Tune:  The Christmas Song            (Mel Tormé & Robert Wells, 1946)

Chester's perching on the copier; 

Jackson's ripping off his clothes; 

You'll find Carol being done by a buyer,* 

And folks act up like pesky shmoes.

Ev'rybody knows that turkey with his mistletoe 

Guarantees a raunchy time; 

Fanny Scott (hers  already exposed)

Is in the fax-your-fanny line.

 We know there's gonna be horseplay - 
 
We're loaded girls and boys with booty to display. 
 
But Virgin's legal team is gonna spy 
 
For fear that some dear cuts her butt here and cries.

And so they're offering this silly rule:

"You kids, no copies in the nude.

You know it's been said many years, many days,

'Merry Christmas, 
Merry Christmas, 

Merry Christmas-- 
You're sued!'"

*Alternative lines (if the setting is altered a bit): 
   
Jewel's tied Carroll to a hunk from the choir 
   
You'll find Carol being done by the choir. 
   
Jewel's tied Carroll to a bunk by the fire. 
**Alternative line: 
    And Boy George dressed up like a 'ho.'

Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS ON THE ESTATE (Mike Gregory)
From: melodeonboy
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 09:11 AM

'Melodeonboy

please perform "Christmas on the Estate" this weekend at the Good Intent?'

Thank you, Virginia. It'll be a pleasure. (For details, see the Wassail at the Good Intent thread.)

And here, as promised, are the lyrics:

CHRISTMAS ON THE ESTATE

(To the tune of "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree")

There's nothing around the Christmas Tree 'cos the burglars come last night,
We didn't even hear a thing 'cos we were wrecked on Diamond White,
We don't know who did the job but we'll get back our loot,
We're a couple of big lads with a van and we'll raid the next car boot.

We'll won't tell the coppers that we've had the pikeys round,
If we did, then we'd be sorry 'cos most of it fell off the back of a lorry.

The kids' DVDs and PS3s are gone and it's not fair,
They won't have a single piece of bling when they go back into care,
But everything will be all right, we'll do as we've done before,
We'll wait till they've gone to their granny's house and then we'll burgle them next door.

(To the tune of "I saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus")

I saw Bazza mugging Santa Claus, right outside the Dog & Duck last night,
The lead pipe gave a thud, and there was lots of blood,
Flowing from his head wound on his beard so snowy white,
If I grassed on who mugged Santa Claus, they'd beat out of me seven shades of shite,
And the cops will soon be here to get their share out of the gear,
That Bazza nicked off Santa Claus last night.

(To the tune of "Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem")

Oh, little town of Sittingbourne, I hate it when you're shut,
I can't get pissed at Bunter's Bar or hang around Pizza Hut,
All the pubs are shut, so I can't get a pint or game of pool,
But at least it's just another ten days 'fore I go back to school.


(To the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

On the twelfth day of Christmas my partner and me had

Twelve different kids by
Eleven different fathers
Ten Benson & Hedges
Nine, niniety-nine for
Eight chicken nuggets
Watney's Part Seven
Six-pack of Stella
Five......ring......tones
Four-bedroomed house
Free rental
Too much to drink and
A 52" plasma TV

I've rewritten some of the lyrics, but I'm not the original songwriter.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Stringsinger
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 02:56 PM

Does anyone know the words to "Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear"?

There is a classic recording of "Oh Holy Nightmare" which features a singer that is so
bad that he is great. When he cracks the high note, you will crack up.

Frank

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 04:49 PM

Stringsinger, I think "Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear" is already posted in the forum (if not the DT).

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,leanne
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:47 AM

frosty the yobbo
Got out on parole
The judge said he had no respect,
And little self control
Frosty the yobbo
As everybody knows
Is a snowman with an attitude and a carrot for a nose.

The kids threw snowballs at him,
With a constant whack whack whack,
But they got more than they bargained for when he upped and chucked them back

The police called in the special squad,
Who cordoned off the park,
They finally caught the snowman when they jumped him after dark

They put him in the corner
They couldnt let him thaw
A magistrate will not convict a puddle on the


Sorry i cant remember the last verse!
floor

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,Michele Callaghan
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:00 PM

My dad, Dale Tussing, wrote a double parody of O Tannenbaum and The Worker's Flag, which I think is up there with Pogo's Deck Us All With Boston Charlie.

Our Christmas tree is painted green
It's manufactured by machine.
Ere its limbs grow stiff and cold,
The green paint's dyed on every fold
So raise the sylvan banner high
Our Christmas tree will never die.
Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer,
We'll keep our Christmas tree all year.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,redcoon
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 04:13 PM

Hi all

looking for an old song
it was on a mix tape of twisted christmas songs back in the mid/late 90's probably older though

here are the lyrics i remember, to the tune of silver bells

starts off these three old ladies trying pay a bum for the corner he is on so they can sing carols ends up selling the spot for a quarter

i think the music is on accordion but i'm not sure

clanging bells, banging bells,
God it's the Salvation Army.

clattering, Shattering,
Who needs a headache right now

ok thanks all

cant even find these lyrics on google!!! Grrrrr

*one of the old ladies names is Nadine

i know its been 2 years since the last post but i am hoping!!!

redcoon4christ (at) yahoo.com

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,free bird
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 03:52 AM

Joy to the world
the teacher is dead
we barbecues her head
what happened to her body
we flushed it down the potty
and around and around it goes
and around and around it goes
around, around, around it goes

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: framus
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 09:56 AM

Does anybody know Crawford Howard's version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, please?
All I can recollect is the "Five pints of stout" and the opening "A bloody great hot whiskey"
Youl'd probably need to be from the North Down area to have heard it,
most likely in John Fealty's.

Happy Chrysalids everybody'
Davy.

Subject: RE: Christmas Parodies
From: GUEST,jax
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 09:05 PM

boymongoose presents:

l2 cricket ball damperers
ll syllable names
lO minute yoga
9 telly marketers
8 hollywood films
7-ll workers
six-sided graduates
5 indian games!











4 hardy kristians
3 buttered chikens
2 nosey inlaws
and a totally inofficient diary