Naughty kids' greatest hits II

Subject: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 05 Oct 97 - 08:42 PM

We used to declaim:

A noble fish, the bass
It swims among the grass and leaves
And falls upon its hands and knees.

Take it, y'all

---

Click for previous thread

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: JMike
Date: 06 Oct 97 - 09:46 AM

We also had:

Spider, spider on the wall, Ain't you got no brains at all? Get off the wall, it's just been plastered- Off the wall you silly spider.

For some reason it stuck in my mind to the point where I would always chuckle when (years later) I heard "off the wall" in any other context. (Much to the chagrin of my politically active - and rather humorless about it - acquaintances.)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bert
Date: 06 Oct 97 - 11:14 AM

Which reminds me....

Little fly upon the wall
Ain't you got no clothes at all?
Blimey! Ain't it cold?

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 06 Oct 97 - 09:33 PM

Thanks for the words to the "mosquito" song, Rechal!

Bert, I looked up "Yaw, Yaw, Yaw", and saw the steeple and the people, and... How shall I put this? I'd thought "Barnacle Bill" was about as low as you could go (except for the people who recite versions of dirty limericks that don't scan), but "Yaw, Yaw, Yaw" may be a new nadir of quality.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bert
Date: 07 Oct 97 - 08:50 AM

Jerry,

That's FOLK music for you.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 05:09 PM

This thread is a continuation of a real classic, Naughty kids'greatest hits. That thread got to 114 messages, big enough to crash the computers of some poor Mudcatteers. Please post new messages here.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bert
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 05:41 PM

My Dad used to sing this when he was a kid. This is all that has survived.

Tune: Men of Harlech

I'm the man who comes from Scotland
Shootin peas up a nanny goat's bottom.

I'm the man who comes from Norway
Shooting peas up a nanny goat's doorway.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 05:57 PM

How about"Whistle while you work/Hitler is a jerk/Mussolini bit his weenie now it doesn'T work"

or(to the tune of Smoke Gets in your Eyes)"they asked me how I knew/rabbit shit was blue/everybody said/you're out of your head/rabbit shit is red"

or even(tune of Whoopie-tie-yi-yippie-yippie-yee) "Last time I seen her/She was sittin in the grass/Countin the freckles on a cowboys a$$/Gonna tie my p*ck*r to a tree,to a tree/gonna tie my p*ck*r to a tree"

then there was(tune of If You're Happy and You Know it) "There's a skeeter on my p*t*r, knock it off/There's a skeeter on my p*t*r ,knock it off/There's a dozen on my cousin,I can hear them bastards buzzin/There's a skeeter on my p*t*r knock it off"..ok,so I hung with a bad crowd!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 06:30 PM

Don't think this was ever in song version, but did anyone ever hear what we thought was a joke, in 4/5th grade, about Roy Rogers and Dale Evans?

They get naked. Looking at his chest, she says, "Roy, what nice "grass" you have!"
Roy,looking at her chest, "What nice "babies" you have!"
Dale, "Can my babies play in your grass?"
Roy, "If my car can park in your garage!"

We thought we were so naughty!

kat

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Susan of DT
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 08:03 PM

Gee Kat, we said that about Tarzan and Marilyn Monroe...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 19 Feb 99 - 10:16 PM

An infamous school teacher from northern michigan was known to regale the late night barroom crowds with a parody of Colonel Bogies March:

Hitler, he only had one ball, Hitler....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: bassen
Date: 20 Feb 99 - 04:47 PM

Being the man from Norway I guess I'm obliged to contribute to this thread... As no one has contributed the version I remember, I give you the following in the interests of the record being absolutely complete:

Hitler had only one left ball
Goering had two but very small
Himmler had something similar
And poor ol' Goebbels, had no balls at all

We also sang:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord
he is driving 'round the corner in a polka dotted Ford
one hand is on the throttle
and the other on a bottle
of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer
Glory glory halleluja
teacher hit me with a ruler
I hit him on the bean
with a rotten tangerine
there's no more school for me

But the earliest naughty song I can remember was a ditty that we recited as we pointed to appropriate body parts

"milk, milk, lemonade, 'round the corner fudge is made".

It was 1954, I was five and I thought God would strike me dead...

bassen

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Philippa
Date: 20 Feb 99 - 06:04 PM

There's a few songs of comparable nature at the dark Irish kid songs thread

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Feb 99 - 06:07 PM

I probably should have read Part One of this thread, but one of the best collections of these children's parody songs, albeit "clean," is from "Prairie Home Companion" and Garrison Keilor. Very cute and many were done on the show...another great way of flooding the old memory vaults.

One song parody not included was a beautiful take-off on the old gospel/bluegrass piece called "The Sweetest Gift." Does anyone happen to remember that one? I remember the last lines of the chorus as,

She brought a sandwich
On toasted white bread
Of peanut butter
Creamy style.

I think the book is still available, though I haven't checked.

catspaw

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Teresa
Date: 21 Feb 99 - 02:46 AM

Here's one I heard Robin Williamson sing. I'm sure I would have picked it up as a kid if I'd heard it then, because it sounded so jaunty and innocent.:

Me wife's got a furry thing,
A furry thing, a furry thing.
Me wife's got a furry thing;
She showed it to me Sunday.
It came from the furrier's,
It came from the furrier's,
It came from the furrier's;
It's goin' back on Monday!

Teresa

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Teresa
Date: 21 Feb 99 - 02:52 AM

Aha, after looking at my first post of lyrics, the formatting problems become evident. Oh, well; it seems readable anyway. Sorry, folks. Teresa

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: SteveF (inactive)
Date: 26 Feb 99 - 01:23 PM

A nifty song you could actually perform in public for a young audience (and their parents!) goes to the tune of Pack Up All My Cares and Woes:

I have lost my underwear
I don't care
I'll go bare
Bye, bye, longjohns

They were very close to me
Tickled me
Hee-hee-hee
Bye, bye, longjohns

If you find them you'll know where to find me
Oh how I miss that ol' trapdoor behind me

I have lost my underwear
I don't care
I'll go bare
Longjohns, bye, bye!

--SteveF

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Metchosin
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM

To the tune of "Viva La Companie"

Archibald jumped up and down on the porch
He was in agony
He jumped up and down and he clamped on his crotch
He had to go badly
Open the door, open the door
Open the door, I can't stand it no more
Open the door, open the door
I have to take a pee.

Further to a previous post

Hasten Jason
Bring the basin,
Oops, slop, bring the mop,
Alas, alack it's all in vain
The dog has licked it up again.

Bert, you wanted naughty kid's songs, I learned this in Grade 1, almost 50 years ago and have, unfortunately, never forgotten it, so I guess I must have been a naughty kid. The following is to a common tune, but I can't remember the original title

Two farmers, two farmers
Were digging in a ditch
One called the other
You dirty son of a
Murphey boy was sitting on a rock?
Along came a bumble bee
And stung him on the
Cocktail, gingerale
Five cents a glass,
And if you don't believe me,
I'll shove it up your
Ask me no questions,
I'll tell you no lies
And if you ever get hit
With a bucket of s**t
Be sure to close your eyes.

Considering I read this whole thread, I probably still am, a naughty kid.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:36 AM

I remember:

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by its ...

Willy was a watchdog
Lying in the grass
Along came a bumble bee
And stung him on the ....

Ask no questions
Tell no lies
I saw a policemen
Doing up his ...

Flies are a nuisance
Bugs are worse
And that is the end
Of my silly little verse

mcmoo

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:39 AM

Also:

Willy had a willy
Four foot long
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
And now its only two foot four...

mcmoo

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Neil Lowe
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 08:11 AM

Seems like the following was the chanted finale (or was coupled) to another ditty:

Three, six, nine,
The goose drank wine,
The monkey chewed tobacco
On the streetcar line.

The line broke,
The monkey got choked,
And they all went to heaven
In a little rowboat.

Maybe this was one of those jump rope rhymes. To quote dick greenhaus in Part I of this thread: if this chant qualifies as an example of "the purest form of folk," then this contribution should put to bed the controversy over whether rap is folk. Not to rouse any sleeping dogs or anything.

Neil

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: SDShad
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 09:38 AM

To the obvious tune:

I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who lies on the basement floor
One leg is missing, the other is gone
One leg is lying all over the lawn

No use explaining the one remaining
It flew through the kitchen door
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Who lies on the basement floor

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 10:02 AM

LEJ, the first I heard the "tie my p*ck*r to a tree" song was in an early HBO comedy showcase thing by ...er, I hate when this happens...was it Tom Thomerson? Tim Timerson? Tim Thomerson? (Some guy who sort of has his first name in his last name and has acted in numerous films since then.)

'Course everyone knows:
Do your balls hang low, do they wobble to and fro
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 10:04 AM

Now that I think of it, I think we actually sang about "tits," not balls.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 10:15 AM

(To the tune of "Red River Valley - slowly, in multipart harmony)

You can hold it in your hand, Mrs. Murphy,
For it only weighs three quarters of a pound.
It's got hair around its neck like a turkey,
And it spits when you jerk it up and down!

Peter.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 11:44 AM

Oh, the moon shown bright on a summer's night
And it shown right through her nightie
And what I saw as against the law
By Jesus Christ Almighty

She jumped in bed and covered up her head
And said Ic ouldn't find her
But I knew darn well she was lying like hell
So I jumped in bed behind her

Oh, I shoved ol' Pete right through the sheet
And into the organ grinder
And ... .... dang, forgot the last lines!

We also sang a dirty dity about finding a whore on Canal Strett, which y'all would find boring, to be sure..

This all dates to 1958 or so.

A

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Mrrzy-at-work
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:08 PM

My dad used to tell a story of the only time he was ever struck by his mom was for singing There's a german in the grass / With a bullet up his ass / Pull it out, pull it out / Boy scout! Never heard anyone else knew this one. It would have happened in the late 20s or early 30's. As a child I used to sing something that went Underwear, Underwear! How I itch in my new Underwear! My older sisters taught me that one in the early 60's. Could date from the late 50's.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:17 PM

Having just read this thread again, my above post from over a year ago is still true....its a really great book! And does anybody know the parody version of "Sweetest Gift" that I mentioned above....I'm still lookin'!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Mrrzy-at-work
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:20 PM

I saw on the older thread something about the alligator purse. We used to sing that one:

Miss Lucy had a baby, she named him Tiny Tim, she put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim

He ate up all the water, he drank up all the soap, he tried to eat the bathtub but it wouldn't go down his throat

Miss Lucy called the doctor, miss Lucy called the nurse, miss Lucy called the lady with the alligator purse

(now start singing faster and faster) In walked the doctor, in walked the nurse, in walked the lady with the alligator purse

Measles said the doctor, mumps said the nurse, chickenpox said the lady with the alligator purse

Out walked the doctor, out walked the nurse, out walked the lady with the alligator purse!

This was done by 2 people who did a fancy hand-clapping thing along with it.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Mrrzy-at-work
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:22 PM

Speaking of hand-clapping thingies, does anyone know Amalama koomalama koomalama vista? Or should this be another thread seeking hand-clapping 2-person songs?

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bert
Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:30 PM

In 1944 the soldiers went to war
They used their bums instead of guns
in 1944.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Estela
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 04:46 PM

I have some alternate versions of a few songs, and even a few not mentioned:

One is the Miss Lucy Had a Steamboat song; This is the longest version I know of, and I haven't seen it posted yet, and yes, we sang it with the emphasis as marked.

Miss Lucy had a steamboat. The steamboat had a bell. Miss Lucy went to heaven and the steamboat went to-- Hello, operator. Please give me number nine, And if you disconnect me, I will chop off your-- Behind the 'fridgerator, there was a piece of glass. Miss Lucy sat upon it and it broke (sic) her little-- Ask me no more questions; I'll tell you no more lies. The boys are in the bathroom pulling up their-- Flies are in the meadow. The bees are in the park. Miss Lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the-- D-a-r-k. D-a-r-k. D-a-r-k dark, dark, dark! Dark is like a movie. a movie's like a show. A show is on a TV set and that is all-- I know I know my mother. I know I know my pa. I know I know my sister who is pulling up her bra!

There was also some version that had the order somehow altered so that the movies were connected to movie theater was connected to kissing in the dark. But this was the one we usually sang.

Also a version of the song listed as "Sweet Violets". I learned this one at camp, and ours was actually part of the "Shaving Cream" group. What I remember went like this. There were at least 5 verses.

A baby fell out of a window (a window) You'd think that it's head would have split (have split) But good luck was with him that morning (that morning) He fell in a pile of....

Chorus: Shhhhhhhhaving cream! Be nice and clean! Shave every day and you'll always look clean, Bop bop, mm bop bop, mm bop bop, mm bop.

[As I recall, the mm bop bop part had a sort of dance with it: you would alternate ducking down and sitting standing up real straight. Sometimes alternate people would do it on opposite words.]

I don't recall more of our verses, at least not in full, but there was definitely one about a soldier whose kit was full of...you guessed it. And someone being full of...right. None of them are the ones listed under "Sweet Violets."

And I've got a variant of the "I'm a nut" song.

Our chorus was the same, with claps instead of snaps, but our verses went:

I'm a little acorn round Lying on the cold, cold ground. Everybody steps on me. That is why I'm cracked, you see. CHO.

Called myself up on the phone Just to see if I was home. Asked myself out on a date. Said to be ready by half past eight. CHO.

Took myself to the picture show. Sat myself in the very first [or front] row. Put my arm around my waist. Got so fresh I slapped my face! CHO.

Let's see. I don't think I've heard "Jaws" mentioned. It went "Baby jaws, jaws jaws, jaws, jaws, baby jaws, jaws, jaws, jaws, jaws" and then you'd substitute things like "momma jaws", "grandpa jaws", etc. Each one had a hand symbol. Baby jaws was hands together at the wrist, small motions, and it went up through one linked at the elbows, to one with your whole arms for the biggest jaws. The idea was that that you'd close the jaws on every word "jaws." I think there may also have been one like this that went "Aaaaaaaaalllllllligator...aaaaalllllllligator" where alligators ate either people or each other, but the aaaaaaaallllligator was the chorus.

Then there was a song about Mrs. O'Leary [Cow Kicked the Bucket] I don't remember much but the end of either each verse or the whole song had several shouted directions, at least some with motions.

One about "Burn [Something] Burn". The last three were "jump, lady, jump!" [Waving like you were holding airplane cones] "errrrrrrrrrsmash!" [It was kind of a sound effect. Hand motion was a big swoop from high to low, that crashed into the other hand.] And then the last was "get the shovel!"

We also sang the "Comet, it makes your mouth turn green" parody (or just whistled the melody) and "Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts" (our bird line was "little baby birdies' feet"). There were plenty more, but those were the most gruesome, and so most memorable. Oh yeah! And "Tiptoe through the Goose Doo" which was probably an original parody. The grass near the lake at the camp had a lot of "goose doo."

On long bus trips, we used to sing dirty versions of "The Ants Go Marching." I don't think they were ever standardized, you'd sort of make up the rhymes as you went along.

I know of a few clapping songs. Miss Mary Mack (If anyone wants the full words I can probably manage them), and "The Band-Aid Song." The "clapping" for the band aid song was quite complicated. There was less clapping than swishy motions and intricate grabs of the hands and wrists from above and below and things like that. The song went "I am stuck on Band-Aid brand cause the Band-Aid's stuck on me!" And there was a part about it not coming off in the bathtub, followed by the "I am stuck..." piece again. I'm not sure, but I think we at least tried to do The Band-Aid Song with three or four people, and there was another clapping song which I can't remember at all (it may even have been Miss Lucy) that was done in a circle of five or six people.... or that might have applied to any song that had the simple clap, clap left hands with your partner, clap, clap right hands with your partner pattern. Band-Aid was too complicated for more than four people to even attempt, since it had to be done in the middle.

I wish I could remember them better, especially given it's been less than a decade for a lot of these. Oh well. Sorry for the longwinded posting, I just knew a lot of these songs at one point.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: kendall
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 10:54 PM

The first song I ever learned.

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick
A decent young farmer who played with his
marbles In springtime, with a lady next door
You could tell by her actionbs that she was a
decent Young lady she laid in the grass
every time she rolled over she showed her bare
Fashions and features she could swim like a duck
She showed all the farmers a French way to
Bring up the children, she taught them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shovelling out the
Contents of the stable out onto the grass
If you dont like my story you can kiss my bare
Ask me no questions I'll tell you no lies
If horse turds were muffins we would eat til we died.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Metchosin
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 12:01 AM

To the tune of Humoresque:

Ever since I met your daughter
I've had trouble passing water
Footprints on the dashboard upside down

That's all I can remember, anyone know if there are more verses?

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Annabelle
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 01:38 AM

IN days of old
when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented
they lay their load by the side of the road
And went along contented

-a favorite of my late, great grandpa

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 06:34 AM

Metch, ther was some discussion last year & it's in the DT use "dashboard" as the search term in the box.
RtS

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Snuffy
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 09:26 AM

IN days of old when knights were bold
And women weren't invented
They used a hole in a telegraph pole
And went away contented

Wassail! V

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 07:56 PM

A few quick comments. I learned Canal Street in Chicago. I was 12 and thought i was terribly wicked. this was 1967. Humoresque has a few other verses starting off with:

Passengers will please refrain
from using the toilet while the train
is standing in the station i love you!
Therefore we urge constipation
while the train is in the station.
If the train can't go then why should you?

From my friend Pete Box formerly of Her Majesty's Ship Ark Royal, Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust. And last but not least one I found in,of all places, the novel Battle Cry by Leon Uris;

Get out your Old grey bustle,
Get your ass out and hustle,
For tomorrow the room rent is due.
Lay it down in the clover,
Let the boys look it over,
If you can't get five take two!
(To the tune of "Your old Grey Bonnet")

Another form of folk music using a very broad brush are marching cadences. I know several disgusting ones. Hey, the Navy promised they would teach me a trade! Neil

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Marion
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 11:48 PM

Did anyone else sing my childhood favourite:

Everybody's doing it
Picking their nose and chewing it
Thinking that it's ice cream but it's not.

(The last two words should be slurred: it'ssssnot)

Marion

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: kendall
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 07:52 AM

Put on your old blue panties
That used to be your Anties
That were found laying out in the hay
With a hole in the middle that your uncle used to diddle
In that good old fashioned way.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 10:54 AM

Oh the cow kicked Nellie in the Bellie in the barn
Oh the cow kicked Nellie in the Bellie in the barn
Oh the cow kicked Nellie in the Bellie in the barn
And the farmer said it'll do her no harm

we used to sing this over and over again.

Me aunty Mary had a canary up her knicker leg
And when she farted down it darted
Up the other leg

Patrish

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Dharmabum
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 02:13 PM

Gross out songs were always our favorites.

SCABS SANDWICHES

Scabs sandwiches with puss on top,

Monkey vomit and elephant snot.

Doggy dandruf and cat poo poo.

Scabs sandwiches are good for you.

OR

I'm Popeye the sailor man,

I live in a garbage can,

I eat all the worms and spit out the germs,

I'm Popeye the sailor man.

OR

I'm Popeye the sailor man,

I live in a frying pan,

I turned on the gas and burned off my ass,

I'm Popeye the sailor man.

Believe me,at ten years old this stuff was hillarious!

Ron.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jun 00 - 05:51 PM

When I was growing up in North Bay in Canada, I heard this song, sung to the tune of "Whistle while you Work" from Snow White

Oh, Whistle while you work

For Hitler is a jerk

Mussolini bit his weinie

Now it doesn't work!

(We were pretty rude kids)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Karolina, Poland
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 05:53 PM

Gee, what a grand thread! I'm so sorry I can't add anything as I'm from a non-English speaking country... I enjoyed reading it SO MUCH!!!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Pixie
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:53 PM

We recited (for my mother)although it was advice for boys:

"No matter how much you wiggle and dance The last three drops always go down your pants".

Also:(without revealing a mis-spent youth?) "C'mon baby, take a chance I left my safe in my other pants" (I read it on a bathroom wall - honest!)

I don't know if anyone else knows this version of "Old King Cole" taught to me by my best friend's mother:

"Old King Cole was a merry old soul with two brass balls and an electric c*ck He gave those girls one hell of a shock"

She also taught us "Good Morning Mrs. Murphy", but I only recite that to mixed company.

The "Bean Poem" lasted for years.....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:50 PM

Mary had a bicycle, the spokes were made of brass,
and every time she turned the wheel, the spokes went up her skirt.

Ah, the innocence of youth!!

How many times, have you had it off with an English Country gardener?
I've had it twice and I think it's very nice, with an English Country gardener.
Running round the hollyhocks, grabbing hold his bollyocks
such a shame we never got farther than that, we were always too busy running away from mother!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bert
Date: 29 Jun 00 - 04:50 PM

Pixie,

is that the one we learned as "Gor Blimey Mrs. Murphy"?

Bert.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM

When I was a kid we sang:

How dry I am,
How wet I'll be
If I don't find
The Bathroom key
Now here's the key
But where's the door?
Aw, oops, too late
It's on the floor

It was even more fun as a chorus.

The other "potty" song was to the tune of the theme song of an old western called "Branded" and went thusly:

Stranded, stuck on the toilet bowl
What can you do when you're stranded
And you can't find the roll.
To prove you're a man you have got to use your hand
when you're stranded, and you can't find the roll!

fake trumpet noises optional...

CD

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 08:59 AM

My mother taught me these and I've never heard them anywhere since--and she had a bunch of these;

A petunia's a flower, like a begonia,
A begonia's a meat, like a sausage,
A sausage and battery's a crime,
Monkeys crime trees'
Trees a crowd,
The rooster crowed in the morning and made a loud noise,
The noise is on the face, like the eyes,
Eyes are opposite Nays'
The horse nays, has a colt,
And wakes up in the morning with double petunia.


30 days hath Septober,
April, June, and no wonder.
All the rest have peanut butter,
except Pasadena which hosts the Rose Bowl.


Him have gone. Him have went. Him have left I
all alone. Will him never come to I? Must me ALWAYS
go to He? It can never was! Damn, Don't it awful?!


Cheautiful burch ain't it?
Some thinkle peep so.
Mardon me padam, this pie is occupewed,
May I sow you to another sheet?
I'm not as think as you drunk I am but I
fool so feelish. I've had tee many martoonies.

(The very last line is the only one I've ever heard elsewhere.)

John

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 12:00 PM

I learned that last line as part of this:

I come before you to stand behind you
to tell you of something I know nothing about
Admission free, pay at the door,
Pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Offishly Honester, I ain't under the affluence of inkahol,
like some thinkle peep I am.
I just had tee many martoonies.
And beshides, I got all sober to Sunday up on.

Not sung, but said in a loud declaiming voice.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Didi
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:09 AM

Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a garbage can
He turned on the heater
And blew off his wiener
He's Popeye the Sailor man

Row row row your boat gently down the stream
Throw the teacher overboard and listen to her scream

Deck the halls with gasoline
Strike a match and watch it gleam
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Aren't you glad we played with matches?

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Rudolph picked his nose,
Oh what fun it is to ride
in Granny's pantyhose!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Melani
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:34 AM

On top of Old Smoky
Where nobody goes,
I saw Annie Oakley
Without any clothes.
Along came Gene Autry
And took off his vest,
And when he saw Annie,
He took off the rest.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Metchosin
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 03:18 AM

We used Betty Grable instead of Annie Oakley and from what I recall, sang:

Along came Gene Autry
A clippity clop
He sat down beside her
And pulled out his cock

subtlety was lost on us.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:32 PM

I rode a school bus when I was younger and we all scattered to sit at the back because you could say those "naughty things" and the driver couldn't or more likely didn't do anything. One song I remember was about a rooster and it went something like this.

I had a chicken no eggs she's lay
I had a chicken no eggs she'd lay
One day that rooster came in our yard and caught
that chicken right off her guard.
she's laying eggs now she never used to until
that rooster came in our yard.
she's laying eggs now she never used to until
that rooster came in our yard.

I had a milk cow no milk she'd give,
I had a milk cow no milk she'd give,
One day that rooster came in our yard and caught
that milk cow right off her guard.
she's giving milk now in wax containers
she never used to until that rooster came in our yard.

I had a girlfriend no (hums) she'd have
I had a girlfriend no (hums) she'd have
until that rooster came in our yard and caught my girlfriend
right off her guard
She's having (hums) now she never used to
until that rooster came in our yard.
She's having (hums) now she never used to
until that rooster came in our yard.

Click for "The Rooster".

---

the other song I loved to sing was

There's a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Theres a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Theres a sketter on my peter,
theres a sketter on my peter,
theres a sketter on me peter knock it off.

For a little girl i sang this very well and didn't understand for quiet a
why my mom said it was not "lady like" after all "Peter" was one of the boys at school.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:35 AM

Classic thread!!!

A contemporary (1962) satire on Sink the Bismarck by Johnny Horton....

"Twas nineteen forty two or maybe it was forty three
I sailed with Captain Tuna on the Chicken of the Sea
We didn't sink the Bismarck no matter what they say
When we saw the German battleship we sailed the other way"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Cool Beans
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:14 PM

"Walking Down Canal Street," which I learned in the mid-1950s, was a poem, sort of an early rap, and it went...

Walking down Canal Street,
Looking in a store.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't find a whore.

Finally I found one.
She was tall and thin.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't get it in.

Finally I got it in,
Wiggled it all about.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't get it out.

Finally I got it out.
It was red and sore.
The moral of this story is:
Never f**k a whore.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Chris Green
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:28 AM

To the tune of the Coco Pops ad from the mid eighties (UK)

My name's Coco and I live in a tree
I sell condoms for twenty-five p
Some are are fifty some are a bob
It all depends on the size of your knob.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Flash Company
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 12:16 PM

As I was going by St Pauls,
A woman grabbed me by the arm,
She said 'You look a man of pluck,
Come in my house and have a cup of tea!

Some for a tanner, some for a bob,
It largely depends on the size of your gob!

Also

Oh I slapped her face and I walked away
With a hi-for-titty-fal-lol-de-ay,
I pulled her hair and punched her well
And old Joe Frith he p----d hissel!

That one deserves some explanation! Two women in Great Budworth many years ago (I learned it from my Gran!) had a cat fight, so a local Parish Councillor called Joe Frith was called in to break it up. Instead he laughed until he was helpless!
The local kids plagued all three participants fo years!

FC

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM

Similar to what kendall posted above, the same tune (Sweet Violets 2)

There was an old preacher who lived by a crick
And ever' Sunday evenin' he played with his
Marbles and play things in old days of yore
He had a young daughter he thought was a
Nice young lady she seldom said squat
An old elder Deacon said he'd been in her
Sunday------School------class.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From:
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:16 PM

Don't be shy,
Don't be silly,
Show me ya tits,
and I'll show ya me willy.

Sometimes I'd get a slap, but sometimes some actually did, to see if I would. AAhh the good old days, without none of this silly 'politically correct' rubbish, to ruin our innocence.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,chunkey
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM

having a great time reading this thread!!
I am 11 and this is one of my favourite that my dad taught me!!

Say what you will
our school dinners make you ill
and Davy Crockett died from shepherds pie
our school din dins come from pig bins
out of town...

Dad says this is sung to the tune of an old televion programme called Out Of Town(must be very ancient).

Alex

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,chunkey
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM

oh-just thought o' two more

rinky tinky tinky
my doggys done a stinky
right behind the kitchen door
and he said to the cat
what do you think of that?
and if you like it
i'll do a little bit more!

...

incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout
i turned on the tap and washed that spider out
but that dumb spider climbed up the spout again
so i squished the dumb spider blimey what a pain.

thanks alex

Subject: THE REAL STEAMBOAT SONG!!!
From: GUEST,Concerned citizan
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 06:25 PM

Miss Lucy had a steamboat the steamboat had a bell (ding ding) the steamboat went to heaven but miss Lucy went to hello operator please give me #9 and if you disconnect me i will chop off your Behind the refrigidrato there was a piece of glass miss Lucy sat upon it and broke her little Ask me no more questions tell me no more lies teh boy are in teh bathromm pulling down their flies are in the meadow teh bees are in teh park miss lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K DARK DARK DARK the dark is like the movies, the movies like the show the show is like the tv set and that is all i know i know i know my mother i know i know my father i know i know my sister with the 18 hour 18 hour BRA-BRA-BRA

THERE ARE MANY OTHER VARIATIONS TO THE ENDING

THIS IS THE ONE I KNOW my mother is godzilla my father is king kong my brother is the stupid one who made up this song my mother gave me a nickel my father gave me a dime my sister gave me a boyfriend his name was frankenstein he made me do the dishes he made me wash the floors he made me clean his underweard then i kicked him out the door i kicked him over london i kicked him over france i kicked him over hollywood and he lost his underpants

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 10:08 AM

The original of "In days of old...", IIRC, was a romantic song that began

In days of old, when men were bold

And barons held their sway,

A warrior bold, of fame untold,

Sang merrily his lay,

Sang merrily his lay:

My love is young and fair.

My love has golden hair.

and ended

So what care I, though death be nigh?

I'll fight for love and die.

You can see why parodying it must have been irresistable. Here are a couple more stanzas from my parents' childhood:

In days of old, when men were bold

And women not particular,

They lined them up against the wall

And screwed them perpendicular.

and, mirabile dictu, an innocent one:

In days of old, when men were bold

And cast-iron trousers wore,

They lived in peace, for then a crease

Would last ten years or more.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: What is the population of the largest city you have never :||

||: heard of?                                                 :||

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Kids say the darndest things
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:23 PM

Similar to above to the tune of Whoopie-tie-yi-yippie-yippie-yee

First time I saw her sitting on a hill shakin' her titties at Buffalo Bill

Gonna wrap my root around a tree, round a tree
Gonna fling my balls in the briar

Second time I saw her.......

I forgot the rest.

Also,

I was never brave enough to ask a girl to look down her shirt and spell A T T I C.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Caro
Date: 24 Mar 05 - 09:55 AM

Dear 11 yr old Chunky - You think your dad is ancient! We used to sing an almost identical version of the 'school dinners' song in the mid 50s

OUT OF TOWN - Max Bygraves - 1956
From the film "Charley Moon" (1956 (Leslie Bricusse / Robin Beaumont)

Say what you will
The countryside is still
The only place that I could settle down
Troubles there are so much rarer
Out of town

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,loreshdw
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:43 PM

I don't remember all of the "Comet" song, but here's a little bit:

comet
it tastes like gas-o-line
comet
it makes your mouth turn green
comet
it makes you vomit
so have some comet
and vomit
today!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,cat dog
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 05:45 PM

bend over and spell run

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:44 PM

This one was popular in Kentucky back in the early 1960s. It was recited, not sung, in a kind of pompous style as if it were high art.

When I was young and didn't know how
I milked the bull instead of the cow
I pulled the tail instead of the tit
But all I ever got was a bucket of sh!t

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 02:00 AM

I remember that one from the 1950's (primary school) in Bundaberg Oz.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:59 PM

Goes to show ya, Foolestroupe. Great poetry has legs.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:16 PM

When the weather's hot and sticky,

Then it's time for dunkin' dicky.

When the frost is on the punkin,

That's the time for dicky-dunkin'.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Felicificity: Happiness per unit luck. :||

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 06:52 AM

I think it was about my first day at Junior School I heard:-

When I was a lad, as big as me dad, I used to ride a pony,
I took a stick and tickled it's p---k and made it like poloney.

Couldn't understand a horse liking poloney, they eat hay don't they?

On Joe's 'Days of old' theme, we had:-

In days of old, when knights were bold,
And women weren't invented,
They bored big holes in telegraph poles
And screwed them quite contented.

As the man said, 'You are never alone with a dirty mind!'

FC

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM

I was searching for two songs that my father and gran(dmother) sang.

The first was and adaptation of "Men Of Harlech", which mentioned "shooting peas up the nanny goat's doorway..." which Bert very kindly mentions (I'm 54 and my dad died in 1988, gran in 1986).

The second song was another adaptation, this time of "The Girl I left Behind Me", which my gran used to sing:

"Oh the black cat pee'd in the white cat's eye,
And the white cat said cor blimey.
And the black cat said it's your own bloody fault,
You shouldn't have stood behind me."

I would be grateful or any information that anyone can provide relating to these two songs.

Many thanks,
Fred
(Oxfordshire - UK)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM

An alternate version of Everybody's Doing It from 1967 in Wichita, Kansas, OK Elementary School.

Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it
Pickin' their nose and chewin' it, chewin' it
Some call it candy, some call it gum
But it's not
It's not (running the last two words together to sound like, It's snot)

Also, the Roy Rogers/Dale Evans aka Tarzan/Marilyn Monroe story reminded me of a couple of jokes we thought were really dirty in 5th or 6th grade at McClure Elementary in Tulsa, OK

Eve pointed and asked, "What's that?" Adam said, "That's my snake."
Adam pointed and asked, "What's that?" Eve said, "That's my jungle." Adam asked, "Can my snake crawl in your jungle?"

Also, Gomer Pyle and Betty Lou were sitting on the couch and Gomer Pyle asked, "Betty Lou, can I turn out the lights?" She said, "I guess so." Then he asked "Betty Lou, can I kiss you?" She said, "I guess so." Then he asked, "Betty Lou, can I put my finger in your belly button?" She said, "I guess so."
Then she said, "Gomer! That's not my belly button!" And Gomer said, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise Betty Lou! That's not my finger either."

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:57 PM

This probably isn't quite a true *kids'* ditty -- it was a novelty song about kids' ditties that got some radio play circa 1963. Sort of a laundry list of couplets -- the only ones I still remember were chanted, rapidly:

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice!
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice!"

"Oh what a face! Oh what a figure!
Two more legs and you'll look like Trigger!" -- with a bar of clippety-clop sound after that one.

There would be a few couplets and then a chorus. The final chorus ended with

"...when youuuuu were a kid!"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM

And a couple naughty *adults'* favorites -- at least I suppose they're favorites -- and I'm not quite sure if as a GUEST I can start a Lyr Req thread:

Something that has as its chorus:

"Aar de aardy aardvark (x2)/Picking up a bunch of faggots in the park!"

No really; they are gathering up bundles of firewood there. C'mon, aren't you a Turtle?

One I remember better, to "Alouette:"

"I'm so wet from standing in the show-er;
I'm so wet from standing here all day;
I'm so wet from standing in the show-er
Down at the local YMCA.

'Say there, did you drop your soap?'
'Yes I did, you silly dope!'
'Drop your soap?'/'Silly dope! -- Ohhh...' (Chor.)

'Say there, may I soap your back?'
'If it's not a sneak attack!'
'Soap your back?'/'Sneak attack! -- Ohhh...' (Chor.)"

You could probably start Stonewall Riot Number Two by singing this like a total flamer in certain parts of NYC.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,pammymcb
Date: 21 Oct 06 - 11:45 PM

Down by the river where nobody goes
There lives an old lady without any clothes
Along came a man swinging on a chain
Down went his zipper and out it came

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rowan
Date: 22 Oct 06 - 11:06 PM

Alan (of Australia) had a posting in the earlier thread addressing milking in the army. In the late 40s in Melbourne I learned it as
'Twas in the army now
I hade to milk a cow
I pulled its tail instead of its tit
I'm in the air force now.

However, the rhyme that I can't find in the DT (and I know I've mentioned it somewhere a couple of years ago) concerns a type of glue used before araldite took over; the most popular brand was "Tarzan's Grip". The rhyme, from the 50s, was declaimed rather than sung and went

Tarzan swings!
Tarzan falls!
Tarzan hangs by the hairs of his ...

Now don't be mistaken
and don't be misled;
Tarzan hangs by the hairs of his head!

At around the same time the radio advertisement for Tarzan's Grip, which sold in tubes much like toothpast tubes, advised

"Get a tube of Tarzan's Grip, the stuff that sticks!"

Around the school yard this became

"Get a grip of Tarzan's tube, the stick that stuffs!"

And, while the parodies of "On top of old Smokey" around our way all mentioned Marilyn Monroe, the man was always Errol Flynn. For years, every type of smutty joke that fertile minds could conceive featured antics of these two. The whole genre of Errol Flynn and Marilyn Monroe jokes died though, within about 24 hours of Errol Flynn's death; it seemed that they weren't transferable to anyone else. At least, in Australia; can't say about other places.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Jan 07 - 04:50 PM

One from my little nephew today:

Batman's in the kitchen
Robin's in the hall
Joker's in the bathroom,
Peeing on the wall.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Vikkidness
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM

Here's a pop parody from the 70s

We had joy
We had fun
we stuck fingers up our bum
but the smell was too strong
cause our fingers were too long

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Jake Blues
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM

Here's a couple I remember:
Beans, beans, the magical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel.
Beans, beans at every meal.
Open your legs and let it SQUEEEEEEEEEAAAAL!!!

When my sister was in pre-school, she came home one day and loudly chanted the following:
Down by the ocean, down by the sea.
You broke a bottle and blamed it on me.
I told Ma, Ma told Pa,
You got a whippin' so HA HA HA!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:15 PM

My brother Billy's got a ten foot willie
and he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake
And now it's only five foot four
-------------------------

There once was a woman who sat on the rocks
Teaching the young boys to play with their
kites and their marbles in the old days of woe
When along came a woman who looked like a
decent young woman who walked like a duck
Said she'd invented a new way to
educate children to sew and to knit
When along came the farmer who let out
Cart from the stable to follow the hunt
while his wife in the farmhouse was powdering her
Nose with the contents of a vanity box
And remembering the last time that she caught
A cold
---------------------

The first time I met her I met her in white
All in white, all in white
She said she'd stay all night
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in red
All in red, all in red,
She jumped right into bed
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in black
I found her lovely crack

The next time I met her I met her in blue
We had a lovely screw

The next time I met her I met her in green
She said the doctors been

The next time I met her I met her in blue
She said the baby's due

And more that I have forgotten!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: LukeKellylives (Chris)
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:39 PM

You mean to tell me that no one remembers:

There's a place in France where the naked women dance.
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.

Oh, the times of fifth grade...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM

From late 1940s - early 1960s; Manchester UK

Girls were active participants in skipping, boys merely sometime interested observers - the following skipping rhyme gives a clue. Each line was accompanied by appropriate actions:

I ca do the turn around
I can do the splits
I can do the crouch down
Picking up sticks
I can do the hootchy-cootch
Sister showed me how
The girls show their knickers
And the boys say, "Wow!"

A flash of female knickers [underpants] was a BIG DEAL in those [slightly] more innocent times!

.................................

A retort after name-calling:

Same to you wi' knobs on
Y' walk around wi' clogs on
Dad's still got his whiskers on
An' you wi' dirty knickers on

So witty we were ...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:00 PM

The clogs referred to above were commonly worn by the [cotton] mill girls [and men]. Kids' sizes were also made. They had leather uppers and shaped wooden soles reinforced with metal studs and strips. They were at the third tier of 'shoe poverty indicators' - stage 1 being bare feet, stage 2 being pumps [canvas and rubber gym shoes] and/or wellies [rubberised wellington boots], stage three clogs. Posh kids had proper shoes.

My mother reluctantly let me wear clogs just once - I dearly wanted to join in the 'sparking' [kicking up sparks with the metal on the cobbles] like the other kids. She wouldn't buy a second pair because it 'showed her up'

Another silly verse [song] popped into my head:

A fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
A fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
A fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet
Inky-pinky parlez-vous

Meic

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:22 PM

Meic - clogs similar to the type you describe were quite the fashion in the USA in the late 1970s amongst teenage girls. I had several pair but never thought to make sparks with the metal studs! What an unimaginative child I was. I was too busy chasing around elderly family members with a notebook and pen and asking them for their versions of Johnny Verbeck.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:43 PM

They [memories] all come tumbling down ....

Late 1940s - early 1960s Manchester UK

Two more:

John and Mary went to the dairy
John pulled out his big canary
Mary said, "Oh what a whopper
Let's lie down and do it proper"


I met wi' a farm-lass
Wi' a walk like a duck
Who said she'd invented
A new way to
Educate her children
To sew and to knit
But the smell from her wellibobs
was just like
"Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses"

This last line was sung in sweet and tuneful[?] falsetto. It could be - and was - sung in chorus with impunity in front of innocent[?] girls and ignorant[?] adults ... we would then fall apart laughing, knowing the 'naughty lines' which came before it.

wellibobs = local slang for wellington boots

Red-haired kids came in for some name-calling:

Ginger - you're barmy
Went to join the army
Got knocked out
With a bottle of stout
Ginger - you're barmy

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:33 PM

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 17 May 07 - 03:28 AM

I just discovered this thread. Bert's contribution of 6 October 1997 (!) 'Little Fly Upon The Wall', took me straight back over 50 years to hearing my grandad recite this - I've never given it a thought since. Far too much nostalgia this early in the morning.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,inkblob
Date: 03 Sep 07 - 03:08 AM

this will take awhile to read through all these ditties for sure. here's the version of great green gobs I remember:

great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
simulated monkey meat
chopped up baby parakeet
french fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood
and I forgot my spoon
slurp slurp!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:45 AM

Finally! Way back up the thread about 5 years I asked if anyone had the parody version of "The Sweetest Gift." I have now answered my own question!
To get the whole thing in one post, first, here are the lyrics to the original as posted by Barb Shaw:

The Sweetest Gift, A Mother's Smile
James B. Coates

              E
  
One day a mother came to the prison
  
             B7                        E
  
To see an erring but precious son
  
She told the warden how much she loved him
  
            B7                        E
  
It did not matter what he had done.
  
  
 (Chorus)
                  E
  
She did not bring (to) him
  
Parole or pardon (free)
  
                   B7
  
She brought no silver (or gold)
  
                E
  
No pomp or style (to see)
  
It was a halo (bright)
  
                     A
  
Sent down from heaven('s light)
  
                E       B7            E
  
The sweetest gift, a mother's smile.

Her boy had drifted far from the fireside
Tho' she had pleaded with him each night
Yet not a word did she ever utter
And tho' her heart ached, her smile was bright.


She left a smile son, you can remember
She's gone to heaven, from heartache free
The bars around you could never change her
You were her baby, and e'er will be.

Next, here is my favorite rendition of the original by Emmylou and Linda Ronstadt

on YouTube

NOW.....Here are the parody lyrics done by Garrison Keillor which you can also hear.....

Listen on Real Player

THe Ballad of Peanut Butter
All rights reserved. Copyright © 1984 Garrison Keillor.

One day a child
Came home from football
Where he had fumbled,
Was jeered and booed.
His mother saw that
His heart was breaking
And so she made him
His favorite food.


CHORUS:
She did not make (a bowl of) Garden salad (greens), She made no whole (wheat rolls) Or a pile (of beans). It was a sandwich, on toasted white bread, Of peanut butter creamy style.
The years went by and
He was a loser,
He led a useless
And wretched life,
And yet she never
Criticized him,
She smiled as she
Got out the knife.

CHORUS

Then he decided
On the basis
Of a book that
He read one fall
That his problems
Had resulted
From excessive
Cholesterol.

He had some (great big bowls)
Of garden salad (greens),
He ate those whole (wheat rolls)
And a pile (of beans).
He gave up sandwiches on toasted white bread
With peanut butter creamy style.

That night his dog died,
He smashed his pick-up,
His sweetheart left him,
He lost his hair.
His house caught fire,
He went to prison,
His dear old mother
Came to him there.

She did not bring (him bowls of)
Garden salad (greens),
She brought no whole (wheat rolls)
Or a pile (of beans).
She brought a sandwich on toasted white bread
Of peanut butter creamy style.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,cass
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM

We used to sing this one as kids in the 90's

Old Mcdonald sitting on a fence picking his balls with a monkey wrench and pissin all over his overalls. Went to the DR. and the DR. said no more picking your balls with a monkey wrench.
When I die bury me hang my balls on a cherry tree, when they get ripe take a bit but dont blame me if they dont taste right!

Miss mary had a steam boat the steam boat had a bell ding ding. Miss mary went to heaven the steam boat went to hell-o operator please give me number 9 and if you disconect me Ill kick you in the behind the yellow curtain there was a piece of glass miss mary sat apon it and hurt her ask me no more questions tell me no more lies the boys are in the bathroom doing up there flies are in the medow bees are in the park miss mary and her boyfriend were kissing in the d-a-r-k dark .

When god made lil ni**ers he made them in the night, he was in such a hurry he forgot to paint them white (this was actually in my great grandmothers bible from her childhood growing up in the early 1900)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Azizi
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 02:51 PM

GUEST,cass, I'm wondering why you felt the need to post that last rhyme. I note that you did not include a comment that you deplore its racist sentiment and that you recognize how offensive it is, though probably your great-grandmother and her parents did not recognize this. How sad it is that your great grandmother or her parents felt that that piece of sh*t was somehow of such great importance that it should be written in a Bible of all places.

But perhaps, you don't think that that little ditty was offensive, or you thought that by putting the asterisks in that word, it removed the putrid stink from that piece of garbage.

I realize that Mudcat is a public forum, and I realize that members and guests are permitted to post things that may even cross the line of offensiveness. And I also recognize that there may be other folk here besides you would don't consider that rhyme to be offensive. There also may be other people people who are members of Mudcat or who visit Mudccat who may collect racist rhymes, for their "historical value" or just because they want to. However, I just want you and them to be aware that I consider that last rhyme in its entirety to be highly offensive.

I also want my comment about that rhyme to be on the record in this thread about "naughty kids", in case someone else who is Black or non-White or White reads that putrid rhyme and feels as though they were sucker punched like I felt when I read it.

And, by the way, GUEST,cass, you might want to check out this Mudcat thread:
thread.cfm?threadid=110622&messages=5
"Rock Against Racism 1978 anniversary"

One of the comments that I read in that thread is that constant vigilance is needed against racism.

Your posting that racist crap on this thread proves how true that statement is.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest - RRM
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM

re: Aardy Aard Aardvark"

"As I was crossing over the moor, towards Amsterdam on my hike,
I dropped my sticks at the sight that I saw:
'Twas a fairy perched on a dike!
Singing aardy aard aardvark, aardy aard aardvark, picking up a bunch of faggots in the park."

It goes on from there, but I can't remember any more.

Old LP (pre-Political Correctness, obviously), buried away somewhere - I bought mine from the bargain bin in a dept. store in New Haven, CT, in the mid-'60s. (Also got one of Cass Elliot with her first group - I believe - The Big Three.)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Azizi
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:56 AM

Having some time and not that much that I cared to do, I decided to re-read this thread, and compile a categorical listing of the themes that were found in the rhymes. My motivation for doing so was to find out whether there were other children's rhymes posted to this particular thread that included racial slurs such as the rhyme posted on 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM by GUEST,cass and whether there were other children's rhymes on this thread that included homophobic referents such as the rhyme posted on 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM by GUEST,Guest - RRM {who presumably isn't the same person as GUEST,cass. It should be noted for the record that I consider the rhyme posted by GUEST,Guest - RRM to be just as offensive as I condier the rhyme posted by GUEST,cass. And in re-reading this thread, I did not find any other rhymes but those two that include racial slurs or homophobic referents. I don't know whether that is just a coincidence, or whether it says anything at all about whether the definition of what is or is not a "naughty kid's rhyme" has changed or is in process of changing. Be that as it may or may not be, here's a rough listing of the themes that I found in the rhymes posted to this page:

Naughty Kids Rhymes II {An Overview Of Themes Of Rhymees With Arbitrarily Selected Examples} as of 4/24/2008; compiled by Azizi

A, B, C

D, E, F
Death {casual references to}
[SDShad - Date: 07 Apr 00 - 09:38 AM; "I'm looking over my dead dog Rover"]

Defecation {rhymes that mention "pooping", craping}
[GUEST,chunkey - Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM {1st example; rinky tinky tinky; my doggys done a stinky"; Annabelle - Date: 08 Jun 00 - 01:38 AM; "IN days of old/when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented/they lay their load by the side of the road/And went along contented"]

Drinking liquor/Death
[GUEST,Neil Lowe -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 08:11 AM "3,6,9 the goose drank wine…/the monkey got choked; all went to heaven etc"]

Farting/ Diarrhea
{1st example; GUEST,Jake Blues - Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM}; Meic - Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:00 PM]

G, H, I
Girls showing their knickers {underwear; underpants}
[Meic -Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM]

Gross rhymes {picking your nose, eating gross food; and other gross references},
[2nd example Metchosin -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM ; GUEST Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM ; {Everybody's doin it..pickin their nose" etc; GUEST,inkblob -Date: 03 Sep 07 - 03:08 AM { great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts]

Homophobic rhymes {rhymes using homophobic references}
[GUEST,Guest - RRM ;Date: 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM]

Insults; taunts, including teacher taunts
[bassen; Date: 20 Feb 99 - 04:47 PM; 2nd example; GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla - Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:57 PM; Meic; Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:43 PM {2nd example; insulting red haired girls "Ginger you're balmy]

Insulting taste of food, beverages {such as school meals}
[GUEST,chunkey -Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM { our school din dins come from pig bins
out of town...]

J, K, L

M, N, O
Miscellaneous {including "non-naughty children's handclap or jump rope rhymes; and   play on words rhymes
[GUEST,Estela -Date: 07 Jun 00 - 04:46 PM; JMike - Date: 06 Oct 97 - 09:46 AM}; Lonesome EJ -;Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:35 AM; GUEST,Caro - Date: 24 Mar 05 - 09:55 AM]

Nakedness {rhymes that mention being naked}
naked { SteveF (inactive) -Date: 26 Feb 99 - 01:23 PM; ; LukeKellylives (Chris) -
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:39 PM ;"There's a place in France";

P, Q, R
Parody of sentimental songs
{catspaw49 - Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:45 AM; "The Sweetest Gift, A Mother's Smile"

Peeing {rhymes that mention peeing}
[1st example Metchosin -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM; GUEST,Fred - Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM; Cluin - Date: 28 Jan 07 - 04:50 PM]; rabbitrunning - Date: 05 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM; "How dry I am/how wet I be/if I don't find the bathroom key" et

Physical punishment from parents {rhymes that mention children getting a whooping from parents}
{ 2nd example GUEST,Jake Blues ; Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM; "I told mom, mom told pa You got a whippin' so HA HA HA!"]

Profane language {using "bad words"}
[Cool Beans - Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:14 PM; Pixie -
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:53 PM; 4th example]

Profanity avoidance {including words being implied or unspoken, or substitution of another word]
[Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM ; Lady McMoo – PM; Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:36 AM; GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice -Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM; Liz the Squeak -
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:50 PM. "Mary had a bicycle/ the spokes were made of brass,
and every time she turned the wheel'/ the spokes went up her skirt; kendall -
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 10:54 PM; "There once was a farmer who lived by a crick" etc"']

Racial; ethnic offensive rhymes
[GUEST,cass -Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM]

Religious/national offensive rhymes
none unless one counts this rhyme about the Germans
[GUEST,Mrrzy-at-work; Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:08 PM ;"There's a german in the grass / With a bullet up his ass / Pull it out, pull it out / Boy scout!"; my sense is that this would be better {or also?} categorized as a sexualized activity rhyme]

Retorts against insults/name-calling
[2nd example Meic - Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM]

S, T, U, V
Sexualized parts of the body {euphemism/s used for penis, breast, vagina etc}
[Teresa; Date: 21 Feb 99 - 02:46 AM; GUEST,pammymcb -Date: 21 Oct 06 - 11:45 PM; also refers to woman's nakedness; GUEST,Kids say the darndest things -
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:23 PM; GUEST,Pete [e-mail] -
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:16 PM]

Sexual activity, including masturbation {references to}
[GUEST Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM; 2nd and 3rd examples]; Flash Company -
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 06:52 AM." In days of old, when knights were bold,
And women weren't invented etc"; GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice -
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM; Melani - On top of Old Smoky
Where nobody goes/I saw Annie Oakley/Without any clothes etc {implies sexual activity}.
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:34 AM ]]

Stinking smell [not insults] GUEST,Vikkidness - Date: 20 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM; "we stuck fingers up our bum/but the smell was too strong/ cause our fingers were too long[ note: emphasis appears to be on the smell and not on masturbation],

Violence {insects, other living creatures; not humans}
[2nd example; GUEST,chunkey - Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM {parody of the incy wincy spider]

Vomiting
[GUEST,loreshdw -Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:43 PM ;"Comet" parody; Metchosin - Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM; "Hasten Jason/Bring the basin" etc,]

W, X, Y, Z

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 10:48 AM

Skipping song UK) vintage 1952 (honestly !)

When I was young I had no sense
I ripped my bollocks on a barbed wire fence.
Off to the doctor's I did go
Balls and all I had to show.

He sat me down on a great big stool
And cut four inches off my tool.
When I got home my sister laughed
To see a broom without a shaft.

Yankee Doodle went to town
In a cart and pony.
Stuck a feather up his bum
And called it macaroni.

Yankee Doodle came from town
In that cart and pony.
Let a fart that split the cart
And paralysed the pony.

Oh, how we laughed . . .

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Melissa
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 08:28 PM

Bryn,
is that the same tune as--

When I was young and had no sense
I crawled through a hole in the back yard fence
I crawled right through and there I spied
The same size hole on the other side

(Stanley Holloway, The Gobbledegook)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:06 PM

Cf.:

The bear went over the mountain (3x)
To see what he could see (3x)
The other side of the mountain (3x)
Was all that he could see (3x)
The other side of the mountain (3x)
Was all that he could see.

Evidently little children have some sense of the futility of life.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Leadfingers
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 12:03 AM

100

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 08:06 AM

Melissa,

As I remember - and it is a lifetime ago ! :-) - we sang it to a tune I later learnt was called 'The Turkey in the Straw'.

Regards, B

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,a guest
Date: 01 May 08 - 11:23 PM

Our version of Spider Spider was:
Spider Spider on the wall,
ain't you got no sense at all?
can't you see you silly bastard,
That the wall's just been plastered.

Another one I liked was:
The black cat piddled in the white cat's eye,
The white cat said " Cor blimey,
Why did you do that you silly little prat?"
"Well you shouldn't walk so close behind me!"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,JLS
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 01:57 AM

From WWII

Whistle while you work
Hitler is a jerk
Moussoulini is a meanie,
but the Japs are worse

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Jun 08 - 08:30 PM

JLS: Aliter:

...Mussolini bit his weenie;
Now it doesn't work.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Maxie
Date: 26 Jun 08 - 09:35 PM

I know a girl that lives out West,
She's got mountains on her chest.
She's got a nest between her legs,
Where the cowboys lay their eggs.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 28 Jun 08 - 03:09 PM

I know some of the last lines,

The egg yolk ran down her legs, but the good stuff stayed inside her.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Jun 08 - 02:19 AM

No I believe it in fact goes like this...

When I was young and didn't know how
I milked the bull instead of the cow
I pulled the tail instead of the tit
and all's I ever got was a bucket of shit

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,liyah.b
Date: 10 Aug 08 - 10:18 AM

i remeber i used to say this in school

mrs. suzzy had a steamboat the steam boat had a bell ( toot-toot)
mrs. suzzy went to heaven the steam boat went to hel-
hello operator please give me number 9 and if you dissconnect i'll kick you from behind
the fridgerator there lay a piece of glass mrs. suzzy sat on it and broke her little as
ask me no question please give me no more lies the boy are in the bathroom zipping up there flies
are in the meadow the bess in the park mrs. suzzy in her boyfriend kissing in the d-a-r-k d-a-r-k dark dark dark
darker then the ocean darker then the sea darker then the underwear that my momma put on me me em!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,z ega
Date: 12 Aug 08 - 01:12 AM

anyone heard the commet song:

Commet it makes your motugh turn green
commet it tastes like listerine
commet it makes you vommit
so but some commet and vomit today

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Bec
Date: 29 Aug 08 - 02:47 PM

Anyone heard..

School goes up, school goes down, I don't care if school falls down, No more English, no more french, No more sitting on the old school bench, If the teacher interfers, tie her up an box her ears, if that does not do the trick, dynamite will do it quick!

andd..

Teach teacher, I declare I can see your underwear is it black or is it white? oh my god it's dynamite!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Sep 08 - 09:47 AM

do you know a story that starts with

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THIS ROAD GOES TO
I DONT KNOW AS IT GOES ANY WHERE ITS ALWAYS HERE WHEN I COME BACK

THE SAYING CARRYS ON ABOUT A LAD ASKING ABOUT A JOB
AND THE MAN ASKS CAN HE MILK AND HE REPLYS I ONCE MILKED A COCANUT

THIS IS ALL I KNOW

---

See Arkansas Traveler (click).
-Joe Offer, Forum Moderator-

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,sandy
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 02:05 AM

Learned this in 6th grade 1963.
I'm a juvinlle deliquent, I stand on the streets from 2-4..
I drink with the salors and smoke with the bums, waiting on the corner for my pick=up to come. Im a juvinille delinquent I go to bed but not alone move over (put your boyfriends name), Im a juvinille deliquent and I rule all the boys I know...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Oct 08 - 08:56 PM

TTTO the Assembly bugle call:

There's a soldier in the grass
With a pinball up his ass.
Take it out, take it out,
Like a good Boy Scout.

There's a soldier in a tree
With a bullet up his pee.
Take it out, etc.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,kenya
Date: 02 Nov 08 - 02:56 PM

my momma and your momma was sitting in a ditch
my momma called your momma a ballhead son of a
bring out the kids and let them play with sticks
when they grow up they will learnt to play with
dickie my doggie was sitting in the grass
along came a bumble bee and stung him in the
ask me no questions i tell u no lies
that waas the story about the dickie and i

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,lizzie
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 05:16 PM

Does anyone remember this version

In Days of Old and Knights were bold
and condoms were forgotten,
They left their maids some for-get-me nots,
and babies were begotten.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:26 AM

In days of old when knights were bold,
Ere women were invented ;
They shoved their cocks between two rocks
And had to be contented.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 10:40 AM

To the tune of "O, du lieber Augustin" :

Balls to Mr Bangelstein, Bangelstein, Bangelstein
Ball to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

He keeps us waiting whil he's masturbating,
So balls to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

He sits on the steeple and shits on the people
So balls to Mr Bangelstein, dirty old man.

Last Sunday night me dad went mad
And climbed to the top of the steeple.
He took out his tally-whacker
And pissed all over the people.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,bon qui qui
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

pop eye the sailor man he
lives in a garbage can
he blew up the gas he blew up
his ass hes pop eye the sailor MAN! (CHOO CHOO)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,George Henderson
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 05:05 AM

In good king Charles's golden days
French letters weren't invented
And common people did not know
How birth could be prevented
There were little bastards everywhere
All women were in labour
and the only consolation was
The arsehole of your neighbour.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:40 AM

Listen listen
the cat's a pissin'
where where
under the chair
where's the chair
in the barn
where's the barn
in the grass
where's the grass
up your
ask me no questions
and i'll tell you no lies
if you ever get hit
with a bucket of s**t
be sure to close your eyes.

-----------------
Tattletale Art
sitting in a cart
tin can in his belly
pickle in his heart

---------------
Two Irishmen, two Irishmen
were digging in a ditch
one called the other
a dirty son-of-a
Peter Murphy had a dog
a very fine dog was he
loaned him to a neighbor
to keep him company
all day all night
he sat upon a rock
along came a bumblebee
and stung him on the
cocktail gingerale
five cents a glass
if you don't like what i'm saying
shove it up your
ask me no questions
i'll tell you no lies
if you ever get hit
with a bucket of s**t
be sure to close your eyes
-----------------------------
I went up stairs to go to bed
stepped in a pee pot over my head
I couldn't swim, I couldn't float
a big black turd went right down my throat

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 03:53 AM

In 1492
Columbus sailed the ocean blue
he hit a rock
and split his cock
and pissed all over the crew

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 04:05 AM

Fatty fatty two-by-four
couldn't fit through the bathroom door
so she did it on the floor
fatty fatty two-by-four

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 04:17 AM

I love myself
I think I'm grand
I sit in the movies
and hold my hand
I put my arm
around my waist
and when I get fresh
I slap my face

-------------------------

Little fly upon the wall
ain't you got no clothes at all
ain't you got no shimmy shirt
brrrrrr ain't you cold

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Feb 09 - 08:16 PM

Three cheers for --- Junior High!
It's the best junior high in ----.
Our colors are brown, brown, and brown.
It's the best junior high in town.

(TTTO "The Stars and Stripes forever")

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Missymay
Date: 07 Feb 09 - 08:24 PM

My science teacher in eighth grade taught us this rhyme so we would remember the equation for Sulfuric acid:

Johnny was a scientist,
Johnny is no more.
Cause what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4!

I'm not sure why, but it just stuck with me and I've never forgotten that formula.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 22 Feb 09 - 07:30 PM

Just for the record: Everything I have submitted were things we sang as children in the 1940s and 50s in Northen California, U.S.A.
I have no idea where we got these 'rhymes'.
This one is not at all PC, and I have hesitated to include it until now, but I notice that some people visiting this site are serious about researching ALL things sung by children.

There once was an indian maid
who said she wasn't afraid
to lay on her back
and let the cowboys
run up and down her crack.
One day her belly began to rise
and out came a little indian boy
with his ass between his eyes.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anje
Date: 24 Feb 09 - 02:40 AM

1940s - 50s Northen California

One Bright morning
in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
and shot the life
out of the two dead boys.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Feb 09 - 08:35 AM

Meic has jogged my memory :

There was an old woman of 92, parlez-vous (tris)
Dropped a fart and away it flew,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart flew in, the fart flew out, parlez-vous (bis)
The fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The copper pulled out his rusty pistol, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to Bristol,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The people of Bristol were doing a dance, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to France,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The people of France were not at home, parlez-vous (tris)
The fart went rolling on to Rome,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The King of Rome was drinking gin, parlez-vous (tris)
Opened his gob and the fart rolled in,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling round his chest, parlez-vous (tris)
Out of his arse and up his vest,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart rolled back to the old woman, parlez-vous (tris)
How glad she was to see it comin',
Inky stinky parlez-vous-
Two Guiness, please !

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,PJ
Date: 22 Mar 09 - 06:47 AM

'Don't know if anyone has posted this one before, but...

Mary had a little sheep;
She took it with her off to sleep.
The sheep turned out to be a ram
And Mary had a little lamb.

or:

Mary had a little lamb,
It's foot was black as soot.
Right in Mary's bread and jam
His sooty foot he put.

A bit of history: Rap music originated with little girls making up rhymes as they jumped rope. And it's come a Long way from there.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,david newell
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 06:02 PM

on top of a mountain all coverd in blood i just killed barney cause he was a dud i went to his funeral and to his grave people threw flowers but i threw granaids 10 minutes later he wrose from the dead i got my bazuka andshot of his head

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 04:01 PM

Mr. Meanie had a big fat wienie
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a stake
And now it's only two foot four

Mr. Paul had a big fat ball
He showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a tennis ball so she hit it with a racket
And now it's lying in the hall

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rasener
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 05:36 PM

A few changes to Bryn Pugh's version

There was an old woman of 92, parlez-vous (tris)
She dropped a fart and away it flew,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling down the hill, parlez-vous (bis)
Knocked a copper off his feet,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The copper pulled out his rusty pistol, parlez-vous (tris)
Shot it over in to Bristol,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Mayor of Bristol wasn't at home, parlez-vous (tris)
So the fart went on to Rome,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Emperor of Rome was having his din, parlez-vous (tris)
Opened his gob and the fart flew in,
Inky stinky parlez-vous.

The fart went rolling round his belly, parlez-vous (tris)
Formed into a slice of jelly,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The fart of jelly came out his bum, parlez-vous (tris)
So the fart went on to Brum,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Brummies couldn't stand the smell, parlez-vous (tris)
So they kicked it into hell,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

The Devil he poked the old woman in the tits, parlez-vous (tris)
He said you dirty little shit,
Inky pinky parlez-vous.

Can't think of any more :-)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Apr 09 - 04:19 AM

my version of guest anje's is:

One bright day in the middle of the night
two dead boys stood up to fight
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
the deaf policeman heard the sound
and put those boys back in the ground.
If you don't believe this lie is true,
ask harry the blind man! He saw it too.

also a similar one:

The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I stand before you to sit behind you
to tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
wear your best clothes if you haven't any.
Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.
Admission is free, pay at the door;
pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
It makes no difference where you sit,
the man in the gallery's sure to spit.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:24 PM

Not on the list...from Elementary School in the 1970's

Red, White & Blue
Boys Love you
Took you to the movies
And undressed you!
+++++++++++++++++++++
An amazing bird is the Pelican
His beak holds more than his belly can
He can live for a week
on the food in his beak
But I don't see how the Helican
++++++++++++++++++
Wee willie winkie runs through the town
Upstairs, down stairs in his nightgown
Peeping in the window what does he see?
Mom is handling dads peepee!
++++++++++++++++++
2, 4, 6, 8!
Who do we initiate (or assasinate)!
Boys, boys, YEAH!
Stick 'em in a high chair!
Stuff 'em in a jar!
Flush 'em down the toilet!
Rah Rah Rah!
++++++++++++++++++
Girls go to college to get more knowledge
Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider!
++++++++++++++++++
Deck the halls with poison Ivy
Fa, La, La, La, La, La-La-La-La!
'Tis the season to be naughty!
Fa, La, La, La, La, La-La-La-La!
Break a window, Pop a Tire!
Fa, La, La, La, La, La, La-La-La!
Set your teachers pants on fire!
Fa, La, La, La, La La-La-La-La!
++++++++++++++++++

and then there's the old lizzie borden rhyme...

Lizzie Borden took an axe
and gave her mother forty whacks
When the job was nicely done,
She gave her father forty-one.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,j1mmy31
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 07:39 PM

Mary had a little lamb she named it son of Jim stuck it in a pot of piss to teach him how to swim he swammy to the bottom then she swammy to the top mary got excited so she grabbed him by the cocktale gingerale 5 cents a glass if you dont believe me then stick it up your ask me no questions and i'll tell you no lies Mary got hit by a pile of shit right between the eyes

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,j1mmy31
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 07:50 PM

there once was a farmer who sat on a rock stroking his wiskers an shaking his fist at his neighbors who sat on their ricks teaching their children to play with their kite strings an marbles in the old days of yore along came a lady who looked like a decent young lady and walked like a duck said she invented a new way to bring up the children to sew an to knit the boys in the stables were shoveling up contents of stables left after the hunt the car man was feeling a nice piece of straw from the stable cleaning the walls in came the dairmaaid to play with his dog in the dairy where she did belong if you think this is dirty well your f--king well wrong ....


I can't believe I remember this one from like 2nd grade

Under the old apple tree was the first time she showed it to me she said it was a crack but it looked like a manhole to me so I whipped out my telephone pole stuck it in her manhole she let out a scream I injected some cream under the old apple tree....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Grandpa Warren J R
Date: 13 Jun 09 - 05:59 PM

Oh, the moon shown bright on a summer's night
And it shown right through her nightie
And what I saw as against the law
By Jesus Christ Almighty

She jumped in bed and covered up her head
And said swore I could not find her, but
I knew damn well she lied like hell
So I jumped right in behind her

Oh, I shoved ol' Pete right through the sheet
into her sausage grinder
And the white of an egg rolled down my leg
and the rest rolled down her hinder.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Amanda
Date: 13 Oct 09 - 07:36 PM

Beverly Hills, CA, 1984-1988.

Ok, the naughtiest song I remember hearing - introduced by a boy and usually recited in muted tones (and with mischievous grins) by the boys:

I was walking down the hall, scratching my balls
when my dick got caught in the elevator walls.
My mamma screamed, my dick turned green
and that was the end of my ding-a-ling.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Tug the Cox
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:15 AM

As I was walking up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
he wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away.


As I was walking by St Pauls, a lady grabbed me by the
Arm. Sir, she said, you are in luck, come this way and have a
Ham Sandwich. Threepence, sixpence or a bob
All according to the size of your
Ham Sandwich.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,verson I remember
Date: 01 Nov 11 - 09:38 PM

Two farmers, two farmers
Were digging in a ditch
One called the other
You dirty son of a Peter Murphey had a dog, what a good dog was he, he gave it to his lady friend to keep her company,she taught it she taught it, she taught it how to jump, it jumped right down her panty hose and bite her in the Cocktail, gingerale
Five cents a glass,
And if you don't believe me,
I'll shove it up your
Ask me no questions,
I'll tell you no lies
And if you ever get hit
With a bucket of s**t
Be sure to close your eyes. And your mouth

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:07 PM

More from the 50's and 60's:

It ain't gonna rain no more no more, it ain't gonna rain no more
How the heck gonna wash my neck, if it ain't gonna rain no more.

A man lay down by the sewer, and by the sewer he died
And at the coroner's inquest, they called it sewer-cide.

It ain't gonna....

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school, between two hunks of bread.

It ain't gonna.... (more verses I don't remember).


(tune - "Caissons Go Rolling Along")

Give a yell, give a cheer, for the boys who drink the beer
In the cellars of [insert school name here].
They are brave, they are bold, and the liquor they can hold
Is a story that's never been told.
For it's guzzle guzzle guzzle as it trickles down your muzzle
Shout out your orders loud and strong (more beer!)
Oh we'll hoist once more as they're busting down the door
In the cellars of [insert school name here].

(tune "Davy Crockett". "NDG" is a local suburb)

Born in a garbage can in NDG, lost his mother in the A & P
Drowned his sister in a cup of tea, and shot his father with a 303.

We had slighly different variants of previously mentioned lyrics such as "... ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies ....",
"Dick and Mary went to the dairy, Dick pulled out his long and hairy....", "One bright morning in the middle of the night...", and "...greasy grimey gopher guts..."

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Dave
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 02:29 PM

Lulu had a whore house the biggest one in town
fifty cents for standing up and a dollar lying down
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin hard and strong
who ya gonna bang on when Lulu's dead and gone

City girls have diamond rings country girls wear brass
the only ring that Lulu's got's the spring around her ass
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

In Lulu's little whore house where people ain't particular
you line em up against the wall and screw em perpendicular

Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

Lulu went to Sunday School it was against the rule
caught the preacher by his tool and pumped him on a stool
Oh!
Bangin' away on Lulu bangin....

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Mar 12 - 05:29 AM

My dad used to sing this to the tune Men Of Harlech :

We're the boys from ping pong castle
Shooting peas up a nanygoats a**ehole

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 02:57 AM

does anyone remember all the lyrics to these only 2 lines that I remember from our schoolbus song days?

Caught my balls on a barbed wire fence...hey bo daily (diddly?)
...
Stepped on a rake and...(smashed my face?)...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Pete
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 08:42 AM

The boy stood on the burning deck,
A string of sausage 'round his neck,
A squashed tomato in his eye,
And there he stood, prepared to die.

One my parents recited from their youth in England (1940's or thereabouts).

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Nick
Date: 21 Nov 12 - 07:01 PM

Heard this from a lad called Martin McDonald back in Glasgow around the 90s:

Mrs o'leary was ninety two,
She did a wee fart and away it flew,
over the hills and over the lane,
and onto the farmers window pane,
The farmer came out with a rusty gun,
and shot the wee fart and away it run,
over the hills and over the lane,
and back up mrs o'leary's bum again

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe Offer
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 02:24 AM

Kay Shapero did a great job of collecting naughty children's songs. Take a look:

http://www.kayshapero.net/child1.htm
(the links on the upper-right will lead you through 4 pages)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,crash
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 01:22 AM

In days of old when knights were bold
and condoms weren't invented,
they'd wrap a sock around their c*ck
and babies were prevented

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lighter
Date: 03 Nov 13 - 11:47 AM

Joe, quite a collection. Thanks for the link.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 05 May 16 - 09:37 AM

My dad (1923-2001) used to sing the same song, but he could only remember one line: 'Here comes Captain Norway, shooting peas up a nanny-goat's doorway.'

Subject: Barnacle Bill, the Sailor
From: GUEST,Bubba Dean
Date: 14 Sep 16 - 12:25 AM

"Barnacle Bill, the Sailor"

Who's that knocking on my door?...(3times)...said the fair young maiden.

It's only me from over the sea...said Barnacle Bill, the Sailor.

What's that hanging down your leg?...(3 times)...said the fair young maiden.

It's only a pole to put in your hole...said Barnacle Bill, the Sailor.

What's that hanging on your pole?...(3 times)...said the fair young maiden.

It's only some grass to tickle your ass...sad Barnacle Bill, the Sailor.

Subject: Bangin' Away on Lulu
From: GUEST,Bubba Dean
Date: 14 Sep 16 - 12:34 AM

Lulu had a boyfriend. He drove a garbage truck.
He took her down an alley and taught her how to...

Bangin' Away on Lulu...Bangin' Away all Day...Who we gonna bang on...when Lulu goes away?



Can't remember the other verses. This was a Navy drill team song we used to sing on the bus while driving to and from parades...58 years ago...1958

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Gordon
Date: 27 Nov 16 - 02:00 AM

in days of olde and knights were bold, and dunnys weren't invented, they did their lots in flower pots and called them

I'm sorry I don't recall the last word.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest brian
Date: 29 Jun 21 - 03:04 AM

Dirty rhymes from my childhood around about late 70’s thru 80’s.

Lulu had a baby, she named him tiny tim
She threw him in the pisspot to see if he could swim
He sank to the bottom, he floated to the top
Lulu got excited and grabbed him by the
Cocktail gingerale five cents a glass
If you do not like it you can kiss my
Ask me no more questions
tell me no more lies

It ends with something about flies.

There was a dirty christmas carol story

Twas the night before christmas
When all through the house
Everyone was stoned, even the mouse
My mother and father were smoking pot
And i just sat down to eat a twat
When upon the roof rose such a clatter
I jumped off my girlfriend to see whats the matter
When what should my eyes appear
A tiny sleigh, and eight horny reindeer
A fat old driver whipped out his dick
I knew that moment, it must be saint prick
He flew down the chimney pike a bat outta hell
I knew in a moment that old bastard fell
He filled the stockings with reefer and beer
And left a dildo for the family queer
I heard him exclaim as he flew outta site
Fuck you all and have a hell of a night.

Also a dirty version of “on top of spagetti” i only remember the first line
On top of ol smokey all covered with snow
Where the cock suckers work a nickel a blow

Anyone can finish that one?

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Mark Finn
Date: 18 Jul 21 - 12:24 PM

During the Alan Sherman era we would sing:

ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY

On top of old Smokey
All covered with hair
Of course I'm referring
To Smokey the Bear.

COMIN' THROUGH THE RYE

Do not make a stingy sandwich
Pile the cold cuts high
Customers should see salami
Comin' through the rye.

And a classic Oscar Brand record from the early 50's (think of "Shaving Cream" or "Sweet Violets"):

A CLEAN SONG

There was a young sailor
Who looked through the glass,
And spied a fair mermaid
With scales on her island

Where seagulls
Fly over their nests
She combed the long hair
That hung over her shoulders

And caused her
To tickle and itch.
The sailor cried out
\"There's a beautiful mermaid, \"

A-sitting out
There on the rocks,
The crew came around
A-grabbing their glasses

And crowded four deep
To the rail,
All eager to share
In this fine piece of news.

Which the captain soon
Heard from the watch.
He tied down the wheel
And he reached for his crackers

And cheese which
He kept near the door.
In case he might someday
Encounter a mermaid.

He knew he must
Use all his wits
Crying \"Throw out a line.
We'll lasso her flippers.\"

And then we will
Certainly find
If mermaids are better
Before or be brave

My good fellows.\"
The captain then said.
\"With fortune we'll break
Through her mermaiden head-

-Ing to starboard
They tacked with dispatch.
And caught that fair mermaid
Just under her elbows

And hustled her
Down below decks,
And each took a turn
At her feminine setting

Her free at the end
Of the farce,
She splashed in the waves,
Falling flat on her after

A while one man
Noticed some scabs,
Soon they broke out with the pox
And the scratching

With fury,
Cursing with spleen,
This song may be dull
But it's certainly clean.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 18 Jul 21 - 07:16 PM

Our church choir - at one of its weekly practices - performed "Lloyd George Knew My Father" with organ and full harmony.

For those of you not familiar with it - the tune is "Onward Christian Soldiers" and the lyrics are:

Lloyd George knew my father
Father knew Lloyd George

(repeat ad infinitum)

I think they did three verses with differing harmonies and organ techniques. It was hard for them to not break out laughing.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Don
Date: 11 Aug 22 - 09:48 AM

Don't know why there is lipstick on my fly, lousy b******

Sung to Stormy Weather

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Anon
Date: 25 Sep 22 - 07:03 AM

In days of old
When Knights were bold
Before paper was invented
They wipe their ar**
In blades of grass
Then ride away contented!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 25 Sep 22 - 05:52 PM

Of all the fishes in the seas
The strangest is the bass.
It climbs up to the tops of trees
And slides down on its hands and knees
To frolic in the grass.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Oct 22 - 06:54 PM

I heard a few of the many offerings here, but even as a kid, I didn't care for the really smarmy ones that were just an excuse to say naughty words..or ones that were obviously misremembered and only partially there. A very few were both clever and relevant.


? Wonder why ...there's no ass at North High
Damned inflation!
Hafta stay with masturbation.
Stay horny all the timeee..?

One guy knew, and sang "Friggin' in the Riggin", but I didn't learn it till many years later

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Mike S
Date: 09 Dec 23 - 01:37 AM

My mom sang this when I was a kid - this site had the only near match:

"...Shot his sister?, when he was only three
Drownded his brother in a cup of tea
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier..."

I think she said the original was "shot a b'ar" which was supposed to mean bear.

While I'm at it, this one she sang recalls a better-managed time...

"Beer, beer for old Stroudsburg High
You bring the whiskey, I'll bring the rye
Send somebody out for gin
Don't let a sober senior in!
We never stagger, we never fall
We sober up on wood alcohol
? ? ? ? ? ? ? and open the guldarn bar!"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 09 Dec 23 - 09:45 AM

One I heard from my brother:

In days of old when knights were bold
And there was nowt to eat,
They were on their knees, eating the cheese
Off other people's feet.