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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 07 Apr 99 - 02:49 AM Sure do, just change the word banjo to guitar and they come out the same. I have only an estimated 243 jokes left, so this thread should die out in a while....(Started with about 271!) |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 07 Apr 99 - 03:51 AM We stopped for gas in this little town east of Sacramento last year--it was a real old-fashioned station: I had to pump the gas out of the underground tank by hand. My wife was listening to Mozart on the car radio and when I finished working the noisy old pump I became aware of a strange, discordant sound clashing with Eine Kleine Nachtmusick. At first I thought it it was some kind of radio interference, but when I asked my wife to turn down the radio, I realized someone was playing the banjo and sobbing. The banjo seemed to be in a modal tuning, and was making a sound even more mournful than the sobbing. I walked around the corner of the station and there was a skinny kid of about seventeen frailing away, tears streaming down his face. He looked up for a moment then returned his rheumy eyes to the ground and continued playing and sobbing. I asked him what he was so unhappy about, but he just sniffed, shook his head, and went back his whamming and sobbing. When I headed back to the car, the old man running the station had returned with my change. He saw me coming back from the side of the station and noticed my puzzled expression. "Don't mind the boy," he said. "He'll get over it." I was still wondering and I guess I showed it, so the man added: "It's his maw." "Is his mother sick?" I asked, and when he just looked at me funny, I added. "Did she die?" "Naw," he said, "she's okay." I wanted to ask him what the boy was crying about, but I din't want to be intrusive. I looked back at the corner of the station, then back and the man. "She's okay..." he repeated, and after a pause he added, "he's just cryin' cuz she weaned him." --seed |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 08 Apr 99 - 07:51 PM Not wanting to be responsible for killing another thread (and wanting to read the rest of Banjer's stash of hundreds) I decided to revive this thread. And while I'm here, I might as well add another couple of oldies--these I got from Ron Thomasson on the Dry Branch Fire Squad's "Live at Last" album: What's the best way to tune a banjo? @Wire cutters. What are the first words a banjo player learns? @"Attention, K-Mart shoppers.>" --seed |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 08 Apr 99 - 08:56 PM Ah, Seed, let your every wish be my command... Upon hearing from his doctor that he only had six month sto live, a man exclaimed, "But doctor, is there anything I can do?" "I'm afraid not," said the doctor, "But there is one thing you could try..." "What, what, I'll try anything..." "Find yourself a homely girl that plays the banjo and move to Pittsburgh." "Will that help me live longer?" "No, but it will make time go by really slowly..." How many banjo jokes are there? Only three, the rest are true stories Why was the banjo player staring at the orange juice? Because it said CONCENTRATE!! Banjo tuning is an oxymoron! |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Bert Date: 09 Apr 99 - 02:33 PM Gotta have one of Bert's True Stories. I had a friend who played the banjo. We tried to jam a bit, but couldn't seem to keep in tune with one another. It sounded awful! So we did some investigating and we found that the frets on his banjo were in the wrong place. And he'd been playing this thing for months!!! Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 10 Apr 99 - 08:18 PM Very good Bert, herewith another story that for all we know could be true! A bluegrass band convicted of International terrorism and condemned to die in a small Third World country is given one last request. The banjo player, without thinking, shouts out, "If I must die for my country, my last request is to play Foggy Mountain Breakdown one last time!" The mandolin player shouts, "Then my last request is that I get shot first!" How can you make money as a banjo player?? Hang out your PAY or I PLAY sign! How do you keep a banjo player from drowning in a foot of water? Take your foot off his head! |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 13 Apr 99 - 09:23 PM ...And here, back by popular demand....(well, somebody on one of the other threads asked about a banjo joke) So here goes...!!!! What's the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower. How is lightning like a banjo? Neither one strikes in the same place twice.... |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Barbara Shaw Date: 13 Apr 99 - 09:47 PM Please don't anyone take this personally. NOI, etc. I'm married to a banjo player, so as a banjo wife I have a certain licence for revenge. Why don't fiddlers ever get hemorrhoids? Because all the a**holes are on the banjo. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 13 Apr 99 - 10:18 PM Yes!!! Way to go Barbara. It don't take much encouragement to get me started again... A banjo player and a guitar player both fall at the same time from a balcony in the top of a sky scraper. Which one hit the ground first? The guitar player - the banjo player will have to stop and retune at least once on the way down!!! Why did the banjo player walk with his kids to school everyday? He and the kids were in the same grade... How can you make a million bucks as a banjo player? Start with two million! |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: dwditty Date: 10 May 99 - 02:31 PM An accordion player and a banjo player are hired to play together on New Year's Eve. At the end of the party, the guy who hired them says, "You guys were great. You want to play for me again next New Year's Eve?" The banjo player says, "Sure. Can we leave our stuff?" |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 16 Jun 99 - 06:28 AM There was a request for banjo jokes so I refresh this thread. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Fadac Date: 16 Jun 99 - 10:35 AM Ok, here are some more: What did the banjo playe get on his SAT? @ Drool. What do you say to a banjo player in a suit and tie? @Will the defendant please rise. What is the differance between a banjo and a chainsaw? @ The grip @ You can tune a chainsaw @ A chainsaw has dynamic range @ A chainsaw has a purpose Whats the differance between a banjo and a fiddle? @ Burns longer What is the best way to tune a banjo? @ Wire cutters @ Steam roller @ Blow torch @ Hammer @ all of the above. Whats the differance between a banjo picker and a garbage man? @ A Paycheck How to stop a banjo player. @ Put sheet music in front of him -Fadac |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Bert C. Date: 16 Jun 99 - 12:37 PM A while back, Night Owl asked about guitarist jokes. As a confessed banjo picker, here's my favorite: Q - Why are banjo jokes so short? A - So guitar players can remember them.
Bert C. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: katlaughing Date: 16 Jun 99 - 04:12 PM Just read in today's newspaper that the top selling piece of sheet music, to date, is.....(ta-dum) "Dueling Banjos"! |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Captain Swing Date: 16 Jun 99 - 07:53 PM A banjo player called Bill phoned his guitarist friend, Graham. "Hey Graham, I'm trying to do a jigsaw but I'm having real trouble. It's got hundreds of pieces and I cn't get any of them to match. There are no corners and there aren't even any straight sides." Graham says "Have you tried to match the colours up?" "All the pieces seem to be the same colour", replies the banjo player. "Well",asks Graham, "what's the picture on the box?" "It's a picture of a cockrel." answers Bill. "This is no good", says Graham, "I have to come and see this jigsaw for myself." So Graham goes round to the banjo player's house, walks into the kitchen and says " Bill for f***'s sake, put the cornflakes back in the box." |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Chris Seymour Date: 16 Jun 99 - 11:09 PM There are some great ones in here. I'm a banjo player, and I'm looking forward to telling some of these at my next gig. (No, it won't be New Year's Eve, and I didn't leave my stuff there...) Here's one I heard Michael Cooney tell at the Philadelphia Folk Festival a few years ago: A guy is browsing in an antique store and finds himself extraordinarily drawn to a brass figure of a rat standing erect.He buys the statuette and walks out with it. He sits down to examine his treasure and notices that there's a hole in the back of the head; he looks some more and sees more holes running down the front. He blows in the top hole and finds he can play it like a flute. He plays a bit and then gets a start when he notices that a rat has emerged from a hole and is intently listening. As soon as he stops playing, the rat disappears. The guy walks away, then starts playing again--and another rat materializes. The guy has it figured out--he keeps playing and walks out of town toward the river with a multitude of rats following him. He leads them into the river, where they all drown. He goes back to the antique store and asks the owner: "Got any of these in the shape of a banjo player?" |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Chris Seymour Date: 16 Jun 99 - 11:10 PM There are some great ones in here. I'm a banjo player, and I'm looking forward to telling some of these at my next gig. (No, it won't be New Year's Eve, and I didn't leave my stuff there...) Here's one I heard Michael Cooney tell at the Philadelphia Folk Festival a few years ago: A guy is browsing in an antique store and finds himself extraordinarily drawn to a brass figure of a rat standing erect.He buys the statuette and walks out with it. He sits down to examine his treasure and notices that there's a hole in the back of the head; he looks some more and sees more holes running down the front. He blows in the top hole and finds he can play it like a flute. He plays a bit and then gets a start when he notices that a rat has emerged from a hole and is intently listening. As soon as he stops playing, the rat disappears. The guy walks away, then starts playing again--and another rat materializes. The guy has it figured out--he keeps playing and walks out of town toward the river with a multitude of rats following him. He leads them into the river, where they all drown. He goes back to the antique store and asks the owner: "Got any of these in the shape of a banjo player?" |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 16 Jun 99 - 11:53 PM Gee, Chris, do you think that would work with Catspaw's possum ocarina? --seed |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Chris Seymour Date: 17 Jun 99 - 12:06 AM Seed, I just re-read this whole thread (again) and missed the possum ocarina (I tried a forum search, but it doesn't seem to be working for me at the moment.) My eyes must be tired -- sorry if I posted redundantly and repetitively. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 17 Jun 99 - 06:29 AM Chris, never apologize for redundancy or repetetiveness, for those are the true marks of a banjo player. I know, cause I am one also!! Chris, never apologize for redundancy or repetetiveness, for those are the true marks of a banjo player. I know, cause I am one also!! |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 17 Jun 99 - 06:41 AM One more time I shall attempt one of these damn Blue Clicky Thingies. Chris try here for an understanding of Seeds reference to the Possum Ocarina. Obviously you are new on the Mudcat, because this possum thing has been going on for quite some time. There are even links to pictures of it. Cute little thing it is too! Try clicking here |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: annamill Date: 17 Jun 99 - 11:10 AM Yesterday I copied this whole thread and sent it off to my honey Glenns brother who is quite a proficient(?) banjo player, amongst other instruments, and will love them. He lives in Maine. I sent them via e-mail. Maybe this will convince him to join us. He's great. Love, Anna
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Chris Seymour Date: 17 Jun 99 - 10:18 PM Thanks for the clicky thing, Banjer -- now I get it. And Seed, I misinterpreted your reference. I thought you were chastising me because I had posted a joke that was already on the threaed, rather than referring to an existing joke. Yup, I'm new, but learning. cheers. |
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Subject: RE: Banjo Jokes, let the dueling begin.... From: Banjer Date: 22 Sep 99 - 06:51 AM Due to the hundreds of requests, well one anyway for sure, I refeesh this so Poet can chuckle along with us. |
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