BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 10:55 AM

• Remote-control car races were reported Saturday morning in a parking lot on North Seventh Avenue. The cars were loud and were waking up guests of a nearby hotel.

• A man was reportedly sitting on a lawn chair at the Bozeman Beach, acting strange for the second day in a row.

• Three underage kids were reportedly smoking at the Skate Park. Officers found several kids, but no cigarettes. The kids were warned about the dangers of smoking.

• A man, pulled over for suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, could not walk and was in possession of a gallon of vodka.

• A woman reported that her boyfriend came to her house and had been drinking and making rude comments. She said he would not leave. He eventually left with no clothes on.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:37 PM

The manager of a bar called 911 because "college kids" got upset when he refused to serve them alcohol "due to their level of intoxication."

A girl who reported her car stolen after leaving a party found it just down the block from the house where she had been. She was cited for minor in possession of alcohol and told not to move her car.

A man found a wallet that did not belong to him in the back seat of his vehicle that appeared there while he was attending a concert a few days ago.

A man was irate over a used car and wanted a refund.

A woman reported some juveniles stole beer from her store but it turned out they had legally bought a bottle of soda.

Police stopped a cyclist after he was seen riding on the sidewalk and nearly rode into a police car. The man also attempted to flee. He was cited for traffic violations.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Thursday included the following:

Residents of Covered Wagon Trailer Court reported hearing an explosion around 4:30 a.m. Northwestern Energy said they were doing some work and the loud noise was caused by a blown fuse.

A woman discovered a man "digging through her refrigerator" when she arrived home on Juniper Drive around 10:30 a.m. He took off and the woman thought he may have stolen her Patriots hat.

A man, honking at a woman in a parking lot on West Main Street, yelled obscenities at her when she rolled down her vehicle window.

A man said he mistakenly sent a photo message of a man's genitalia to a 10-year-old boy's emergency cell phone. He "apologized profusely" saying he had sent it to some friends as a joke and had apparently programmed the wrong number into his phone. He promised to correct the number in his phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 11:11 AM

Two men practicing their golf swings hit a ball through a neighbor's garage window.

A "renegade golf cart" was running cars off the road on West Babcock Street around 9:30 p.m.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Wednesday included the following:

A deputy, checking on a suspicious cooler left by the side of the road, found a bag of rotten meat and several maggots inside.

An elderly woman was throwing wood onto the road on Jackrabbit Lane around 5:30 p.m.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 20 Aug 09 - 10:27 AM

* A woman was issued a citation at about 1:30 a.m. for camping out on a couch at North 5th Avenue and Hemlock Street.

* A man with an off-leash dog on North 19th Avenue was warned after the ball he was throwing for the dog went out into the street causing the dog to follow after.

* While a parking officer was issuing a person a ticket, the person drove off and struck the officer. The officer was not injured and the person was cited for reckless driving.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Tuesday included the following:

* A man and a woman in an SUV hit two barrels and almost struck flaggers in a construction area near Big Sky Spur and Gallatin roads. When stopped by a person in the area, the SUV driver swore and said he "could do whatever he wanted."

(That's one of the roads to Yellowstone Park).

* A man provided information on a scam in which he was told a person would meet him to hand over a large sum of money. The man never showed.

* A man reported an abandoned car behind his residence on Andrea Drive. He asked if the car was stolen and whether he could drive it.

* Loud noises were reported near Penwell Bridge around 10 p.m. The person reporting the noise said it sounded like someone might be blowing up beaver dams.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 10:23 AM

* Police received several calls from people concerned about recorded political messages they received on their telephones.

* A caller reported seeing people leaving a residence with "snack-size and jewelry-size baggies" and believed there may be drug deals happening there.

* Kids were seen "burning security devices" off football jerseys the caller believed were stolen. Police found one of the juveniles and are investigating.

* A woman's name and phone number were written on the bathroom door of a business.

* A man struck a parked car on North Church Avenue "because he did not pay attention to his driving."

* A deputy spoke with a 15-year-old Belgrade boy who had been involved in mischief at the request of his mother after the boy had been with a friend who stole a car recently. She hoped the deputy "would make her son realize that he is likely to end up in more serious trouble if he does not change his ways."

* A woman was receiving calls from a restricted number with a person breathing heavily on the other end.

* A woman said her husband was "hacking into her e-mail and Facebook account" and posting false information on her Facebook page.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 18 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM

* Four people were soaking in the hot tub of an apartment complex where they did not live around 2 a.m. and the caller wanted them cited for trespassing.

* * A man was warned for hanging onto the back of a Streamline bus on East Main Street around 2 a.m.

* A "young man" was sleeping in his vehicle after work because Montana State University won't let him in his dorm until Aug. 26.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Sunday included the following:

* The driver of a pickup that had pulled into a driveway on Emerald Lane several times around 1 a.m., was found playing poker with friends at another residence nearby. The man said he was looking for the party.

* A 22-year-old man, who had been drinking heavily at a wedding and was not familiar with the area, got lost after he left the Moonlight Basin lodge area around 12:30 a.m. and tried to walk to a residence about 10 miles away. Four area search and rescue teams were fielded including dog teams and helicopters. The man was found in a residence in a steep, wooded area near the ski resort around 7:30 a.m. He had broken into the home to get out of the cold - temperatures had dipped into the 30s overnight.

* A man spotted on the catwalk of the Belgrade city water tower was gone when a deputy arrived.

* A woman, who had trapped a weasel after it bit her, opted not to get law enforcement involved when she learned they would shoot it. She decided to keep the weasel for a couple of weeks to ensure it wasn't rabid.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 16 Aug 09 - 11:24 AM

An officer noticed a mysterious smoke plume coming from the center of a building that turned out to be coffee roasting.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 13 Aug 09 - 10:18 AM

A large dog was on top of a very steep roof on South Black Avenue. A caller was worried it would fall off.

Someone dropped off a package of marijuana to be shipped, and the shipping company called police to retrieve it.

Five juvenile males were warned for attempting to climb up a wall of a school on West Main Street just before midnight.

A report of gunshots at a fishing access turned out to likely be a blown tire on nearby Interstate 90.

A landlord wanted to know what to do with a couple of frying pans and other items left behind by a former tenant.

The driver of a tractor pulling a bailer was warned and told to consider taking a back road at 5 p.m. after he had about 50 vehicles backed up behind him on Jackrabbit Lane.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 12 Aug 09 - 09:45 AM

Police showed up to break up a fight but found that everybody had left. Two beer bottles were found at the scene as well as a heavy duty staple gun, which was entered into evidence.

After engaging in a short chase with deputies, a man was found to be driving with a suspended license and had marijuana in his pockets. He was arrested but released due to jail capacity.

A parent requested a deputy to talk to her kids about sneaking out of the house late at night.

Another parent came to the Sherriff's office asking what to do about his son smoking marijuana.

When an apparently confused, disheveled looking woman showed up in a man's yard she became frightened, claimed she must have been at the wrong house and ran away after climbing over an 8-foot-tall fence.
(That's sad, not funny).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Aug 09 - 07:45 PM

Recently a guy in a nearby village decided he was going to rob the bank. He went to the bank with his gun and had a ski mask on at noon. He reached to open the door and found it locked. The bank was closed during the lunch hour. The folks inside, however, got a look at his vehicle and plate number and now the man is going to jail for (I believe) 6 years. Six years for TRYING to rob a bank and never even got his foot in the door. ROFL. True story!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,MikeK
Date: 11 Aug 09 - 07:33 PM

From The Hamilton (Ontario, Canada) Spectator "Police Blotter" article of August 11, 2009:

"Aug. 7, 2009 – Patrol officers approached three men on the corner of Ferguson [Avenue] and Barton [Street] at 3 p.m. One man was smoking a marijuana cigarette. The man was searched and found to be in possession of a stolen bicycle, numerous bike locks, burglary tools and a small amount of marijuana. The 53-year-old man from Hamilton is charged with possession of marijuana, possession of burglary tools and possession of stolen property."

Just what was he wearing???

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 11 Aug 09 - 09:42 AM

* A Lindley Place resident came home around 8 p.m. and found a 51-year-old woman sleeping in her bed and wearing her pajamas. The woman was cited for trespassing.

* A woman reported her cell phone was stolen. She had asked that the phone be shipped to her, and when it didn't arrive, she called the number. A man texted her back and said he stole it from the post office.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 09 - 06:26 AM

Body Found Today the Police found an unidentified man's body in a park nearby. They describe him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a Small Dick. Are You Okay??

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 09 Aug 09 - 12:34 PM

Rochester (NH) Times

Sunday, July 12

1:27 a.m. — On Gagne Street, a lady and gentleman are screaming at each other in the roadway. They tell police they were arguing over their relationship.
9:17 a.m. — A churchgoer notices that the giant sneaker sculpture at GMC Financial has been stolen.
Monday, July 13

12:16 a.m. — Half a dozen people are blasting music on Lafayette Street near Blair Park. That's not Blare Park, folks.
10:43 a.m. — A D'Amours Avenue lady reports someone has been posting things about her on the Internet.
12:33 p.m. — A man peering through binoculars at the Common arouses suspicion, but he is just killing time waiting on a prescription.
4:22 p.m. — At the station, a woman reports that she fears the person to whom she lent a log splitter has sold it.
8:20 p.m. — A Lafayette Street man says his brother is drunk and making a fool of himself.
10:16 p.m. — Men from Congress and from Myrtle into noisy battle hurtle; lance and mace and sword they tether, and clash by bashing chests together.
Tuesday, July 14

1:37 a.m. — A man sings at the top of his voice in Care Pharmacy parking lot.
8:14 a.m. — A lawn ornament in the form of a black, white and red jockey has galloped away from Trade Wind Lane
Wednesday, July 15

7:08 p.m. — Two ladies on Lafayette Street are missing their cats and think they see them in an apartment window. They would like help to get them back.
9:12 p.m. — After a co-ed fight on Academy Street a tattooed, shirtless man in shorts heads out.
Thursday, July 16

6:58 p.m. — Back at the Babe Ruth field, two 4-wheelers are roaring around at great speed and causing disruption.
Friday, July 17

1:25 a.m. — A man, allegedly drunk, bicycles down River Street.
5:40 a.m. — Noisemakers, possibly honing chest bashing skills, are warned on Congress Street.
9:15 p.m. — An East Rochester man makes a flurry of 911 calls, peppered with swear words, about punks milling outside.
11:19 p.m. — On Lafayette, two ladies fight, one is black and one is white; and while the air is turning blue, a little boy gets caught up, too.
Saturday, July 18

2:57 p.m. — On North Main Street a neighbor blasting a TV reacts to stomping by stomping back. Police give him a warning
Sunday, July 19
6:12 p.m. — A man at the Bank of America ATM says the man behind him was honking and waving a pipe — and not a peace pipe.
Monday, July 20

12:06 a.m. — A man who borrowed a bike to go to Cumby's on Knight Street emerges to find it gone.
3:48 p.m. — On Walnut Street, a man with the obligatory no shirt talks to himself and then beats up on a Foster's machine. Hey!
8:56 p.m. — It is reported that a man is driving very slowly and stopping at green lights. Now he is driving in circles in the Lilac Mall parking lot. Police find he is neither drunk, nor geographically challenged — just very elderly.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 09 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM

* Apparently too drunk to walk home, a man was given a ride by police.

* Two people stranded in the rain were given a ride to a bar.

(Our police seem to taxi a lot of drinkers around town).

* A duck appeared to have a hook and fishing bobby stuck to its body in the Bozeman duck pond. They were both removed and the duck seemed be fine.

* A man was warned for fighting with a bouncer on East Main Street.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 08 Aug 09 - 06:45 PM

* A young woman was knocking over garbage cans downtown and was arrested for disorderly conduct as well as resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer. After she was detained, police also found pot in her purse.

* A skateboarder was warned for riding at night with no front or rear lights.

* Police came across a lost and drunk man with no shirt.

* Bullet holes were found in the garage behind a church. The reporting party believed the shots may have come from a nearby field where someone was shooting at gophers.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Thursday included the following:

* A woman received a call from somebody saying she had won a sweepstakes and needed her date of birth and credit card number to claim the prize. The woman questioned the caller who became angry and hung up.

* Deputies spoke to a driver about flipping off the man he was riding with.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 07 Aug 09 - 10:17 AM

* What was reported as threats on East Mendenhall Street around 2 a.m., were "little more than people yelling at each other on their way home from the bar," an officer said.

* A woman was concerned about a man who was taking pictures of her and her vehicle while she was in a store around 12:30 p.m. The man was doing a site evaluation.

* * A man paid $11 to use the Bogert Park Pool around 3 p.m., and when the pool was closed shortly thereafter, employees would not refund his money.

* A 19-year-old and a juvenile were cited for shoplifting after a store employee reported that they were sitting outside at a table with the stolen items.

* A 2-year-old locked her mother out of the car and a wrecker driver helped the mother get back in.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Wednesday included the following:

* Residents of Cougar Drive apologized to a deputy who went to their home because of a loud party complaint around 1 a.m. They also agreed to quiet down.

* A deputy unsuccessfully tried to help a driver get his overheated car going again on Interstate 90 but instead gave the man a ride to work around 7 a.m.

* A hitchhiker was "going crazy yelling at cars" traveling on Interstate 90 around 2 p.m.

* A boy claimed that a woman flipped him off as he drove a riding mower by her. The woman denied the accusation and threatened to file a harassment lawsuit against the boy's parents.

* Searchers found a 3-year-old boy sleeping underneath a pile of large pillows in his parents' bedroom after his mother called 911 saying he'd been missing for about a half hour. Gallatin County deputies, members of the county search and rescue team, Sourdough Fire Department, AMR and volunteers had searched the home three or four times before finding the boy who was "well-rested and OK," according to a press statement.

(All's well that ends well).

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 06 Aug 09 - 10:19 AM

* There were "a lot of people walking around ... tapping on windows" in the area of South Sixth Avenue and West Hayes Street around 2 a.m.

* Two men were arrested for criminal mischief and public nuisance after they were reported taking things out of people's yards and throwing them into the street.

* A very intoxicated man was in the driveway of a business on North Seventh Avenue with "his pants down around his knees" around 10 a.m.

* A man was making harassing calls to employees at a store on South 23rd Avenue telling them they needed to wear bullet-proof vests.

* Potted plants were stolen off a porch on Cascade Street.

* A driver who was reportedly ramming a woman's vehicle with his and honking at her in a fast-food drive through fled when police confronted him.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Tuesday included the following:

* A deputy stopped a vehicle at the intersection of West Main Street and 19th Avenue when the driver made an illegal turn. The occupants were from out of town and were trying to find the hospital because one of their daughters was sick. The deputy led the family to the hospital and alerted the emergency room they were on their way.

* Two women in bikinis were cited for disorderly conduct after they admitted that they mooned a driver passing by the Erwin Bridge Fishing Access.

* A man told a deputy that the owner of a tattoo shop hit him when he confronted him about sending the man's girlfriend images of his "body parts." The case is under investigation.

* A caller said neighbors had a really big party at their home last week and now there is a "really bad dead animal smell" coming from the house.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 05 Aug 09 - 10:02 AM

* A cyclist was warned for not using his headlight, which was on his head.

* A store on South 23rd Avenue received a counterfeit $10 bill from some kids who said they got it from a fast food restaurant.

* A ladder was causing a traffic hazard in the middle of Interstate 90.

* Deputies responding to a 911 hang up call found a couple upset about the health of their pet. The woman said she had misdialed when she was trying to call Montana State University.

* A bird was stuck in the chimney of a home on Little Coyote Road.

* A bear was feeding off a dead deer, causing a traffic jam on Gallatin Road around 8:30 p.m.

* A man was warned for tailgating a deputy on Interstate 90.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 05:43 PM

You mean, maybe he was making a pass, A?

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 03:23 PM

He should have known better than to mess with a female officer that way. Improper hand signal, indeed!! LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:59 PM

One finger salute.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 11:40 AM

What could possess a unicycle to make it turn into police? Surely that is not a karmic upgrade? To fall so far, when so close to circular perfection?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 10:14 AM

The Bozeman Police Department reports for Sunday included the following:

* A man said his neighbors were smoking something on their back porch and it was not tobacco. He believed it was marijuana.

* Two women were warned for fighting in the parking lot of a bar in the Barmuda Triangle at around 2:30 a.m.

* * A unicycle was found in an aspen grove on North Fourth Avenue and turned into police.
[Well, there it is, the unicycle I turned in... I hope the owner gets it back.]

* There was a chicken in front of a building on East Main Street around 8 p.m.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Sunday included the following:

* Around 1:30 a.m., a caller said a wedding across from her home on Norris Road was too loud and "she just wants sleep."

* A man said someone was shooting at him from a residence near Dry Creek School Road around noon.

* A tire rim was stolen off a horse trailer while it was parked on Tag Along Road.

* A caller said he was "tired of dealing with his neighbor's loud remote-control car" and wanted to know what his options were.

* A man was walking along Interstate 90 around 10:30 p.m. with his hands in the air.

The Montana State University Police reports for Sunday included the following:

* A woman reported that a group of women took her towel while she was in the shower in Johnstone Hall.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM

It was a quiet week in Rochester NH...

Wednesday, July 8

8:52 a.m. — The Department of Health & Human Services has a "loud and disruptive" client.
10:23 a.m. — A no trespass order is issued to a loud and disruptive patron at the library.
12:28 p.m. — The dark void of Chaos looms closer and closer — there's a rumpus in front of the station ...
12:28 p.m. — ... while at Adrien Circle a window's shot out, bringing old folks both grief and vexation.
2:52 p.m. — In a case of road rage and then some, a motorist reports someone followed him to the Washington Shell station, and smashed his windshield, before driving back onto the turnpike.
8:56 p.m. — Fireworks woosh and splutter on Lowell Street.
10:11 p.m. — Fireworks on Congress Street are complemented by yelling and screaming.
10:33 p.m. — On Heaton Street, a man and a woman push each other, as police log friends do when they have a disagreement.


Thursday, July 9

7:34 a.m. — On Twombley Street a driver is approached by a lady in a gray hoodie and asked for money. She is no nun.
1:30 p.m. — The intermittent sounds of screaming and fighting waft along Ledgeview Drive.
2:18 p.m. — There is a screaming encore on Ledgeview Drive
9:04 p.m. — A red go-cart has been zooming around Kodiak Court for awhile.
9:26 p.m. — A man with a white bandanna over his face takes off with a 12-pack of Bud from Cumby's on Milton Road.
9:58 p.m. — Jacob D. King, 26, of 12 Maple St. is charged with unauthorized use of a propelled vehicle.

Friday, July 10

4:35 p.m. — The go-cart is baaack at Kodiak Court.
6:05 p.m. — A Portland Street resident says pictures are being vibrated off her wall by a neighbor's loud music.
9:22 p.m. — Fireworks pop on Soapstone Lane.
9:45 p.m. — A damned inferno of a party penetrates half a mile of woods to annoy folks on Salmon Falls Road. Police warn the revelers.

Saturday, July 11
9:48 a.m. — In the Walmart parking lot, on the food side, there is a report of a pooch that is "possibly in distress" in a car. Police make contact with the owner and find it is not a hotdog.
10:59 a.m. — A Franklin Street woman reports an ex has taken her tools from her car. Fifteen minutes later he brings them back.
11:31 a.m. — At the station, a man reports that a neighbor may "possibly be threatening his life." Police provide an escort, suspicion dissolves, and the neighbors become friends.
5:40 p.m. — Blinded by road rage, someone follows a Ten Rod Road resident home, and hurls names at the man in his driveway.
8:43 p.m. — Music is pounding from a house on Winter Street. Even the dispatcher can hear it.
9:38 p.m. — There is a brouhaha on Chestnut Street involving 20 people, which features yelling and an older man bleeding from the head. Police warn all parties involved.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:01 AM

* A caller on Bushnell Road reported that someone had left two strange dogs in her garage. Moreover, someone had broken into her house, and taken some water bowls out to the garage for the dogs. She called back later to say that the dogs were put there by a friend, and she requested that the deputies cancel their response.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:11 AM

"Folks yell and scream on Quaker Lane"

That's Larry Otway's band practicing!
(Sorry, Larry, couldn't resist it!)

RtS
"Face made for radio, voice made for mime"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 01:51 PM

* When police tried to respond to a noise complaint at a house, the people hid inside and refused to come to the door. Officers then left parking citations on the cars outside for blocking the fire lane.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 01:37 PM

I'll be watching the police reports this week to see if a report I called in will be published.
Last night we found a unicycle abandoned half under the trees/bushes in our front yard. I just got back from the police station where I filed a "found" report and gave the unicycle to the officers.


Alice

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 01 Aug 09 - 10:09 AM

The Bozeman Police Department reports for Thursday included the following:

* A woman asked officers to remove a stray cat that refused leave her home and was trying to attack her.

* An officer gave a ride to an intoxicated man after he woke him up. The man was sleeping on the sidewalk near East College Street around 1:30 a.m.

* * A man reported that someone took his longboard and ran it over on West Babcock Street.

* A man reported that his neighbor was "leaving dog droppings in his yard."

* A caller told police that his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend were in his house smoking marijuana. The woman was cited for endangering the welfare of a child for smoking marijuana while caring for her daughter and was reported to the Department of Public Health and Human Services.

* Two iPods and other items were found beneath a bush near the entrance to a business on North 15th Avenue. The caller believed they had been stolen.

* Several guests at a hotel near Commerce Way were complaining about loud music from a party at the Bozeman Area Chamber of Commerce around 6:30 p.m.

* Someone took a lawn ornament from a store on North 19th Avenue around 8 p.m. without paying for it.

* There was no damage to a wheelchair at the hospital after an elderly driver ran it over at the hospital. The caller said the driver and another person were unhappy when they left the emergency room.

* Someone let a stray dog into a hotel on Wheat Drive and employees wanted help removing it.

* A man said he was sliced on the arm by someone with a piece of glass but he was too intoxicated to be able to give any information to police about his assailant.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Thursday included the following:

* A deputy assisted Belgrade police when they received a call about a grenade in a vehicle on Jeanette Place around 12:30 p.m. It turned out to be an inert military training device and was removed.

* The owner of a cabin said it had been removed from property on Pole Gulch Road after rent had been paid to keep it there.

* Someone broke into a home on Jackrabbit Lane and stole a drum set.

* A woman inadvertently dialed 911 when she sat on her phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM

Would you Adam and Eve it? I `ad that copper again in my cab the other night looking well glum and rather uncomfortable, as if `e thought `e `ad but `e wasn`t sure.
`e said ," `ere Jim, could you get me down the public loos, a bit sharpish like, please?"
I said, " Sure. I `eard someone `as `alf-inched all the lavatory pans in your nick. is that right?"
`e said, "yeah. We dunno `who dunnit. We`ve got nothing to go on!!"


Whaddam I like??

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 31 Jul 09 - 10:17 AM

Officers escorted a bartender back to her car after a male patron creeped her out.

Two males were given MIP's after they were seen fighting on the front lawn of a house.

Someone at an apartment complex on 22nd Avenue called police about garbage that was being illegally left in the dumpsters there.

* A caller asked police about a church he heard about called "The THC Ministry," wondering if they were legally allowed to grow pot.

A skunk was trapped in a dumpster behind the old Humane Society. A ramp was created with boards to help the skunk climb out.

Police advised a woman with a rockchuck living under the hood of her car that turning the hose on it would get the critter to move along.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 27 Jul 09 - 11:17 AM

I `ad the "Old Bill" in my cab the other day. `e was in mufti but I knew `e was a copper by `is `aircut and boots.
`e said, "Evening all, could you take me to my police station, a bit sharpish, like?. I`m `alf `our late for duty"
I said, " `ere. Whadya know about that report of a man`ole cover being nicked, leaving a ruddy great `ole in the road?"
`e said, quite `aughtilly like, " We`re looking into it!!"

Whaddam I Like??

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Jul 09 - 12:36 PM

Here's one that made me laugh:

IMPERFECT CRIME . . . Here's an excerpt from Ear's favorite police blotter, documenting life in Unalaska/Dutch Harbor:

"07/18/09--Sat--0207--Trespass -- An agitated, drunken patron who had groped a cocktail waitress was asked to leave the bar but did not wish to do so. (M.M.), 24 yoa, of Washington, was arrested for Criminal Trespass II after he cursed at an officer and refused to leave the area. (MM) was uncooperative at the jail and, among other things, attempted to drown himself, twice, by placing his head in a toilet in his cell but was unsuccessful due to the fact that he had to keep coming up for air."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 26 Jul 09 - 09:03 AM

Five people were seen fighting on Maple with sticks.

After being found lying face down in the grass along North 11th Avenue, a male was given a ride home.

* After a flower pot was set on fire, two male juveniles found nearby had their lighter and cigarettes confiscated, but were not cited.

A business on North 19th Avenue reported receiving a counterfeit $5 bill from a customer, but an officer determined the money was real.

An employee at a Durston Road gas station called to report two juveniles he thought were smoking pot in a car in the parking lot. They were smoking tobacco, but because they were underage, they were cited for minors in possession. The driver was also cited for driving with no insurance.

Police received a report of suspicious activity when a stretch limo pulled into a parking lot on East Main Street and stayed there for a half hour with the driver standing outside.

After a male puked on a patrol car, police determined that the girl he was with had an outstanding warrant. She was arrested.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Friday included the following:

Deputies talked to a woman who reported she had been followed home by a guy in a silver car, who tailgated, repeatedly flashed his bright lights and nudged the back of her car several times. When he pulled in behind her at her residence, he went to her window and told her he was an undercover officer. He backed into a ditch when pulling out of the driveway.

An eBay search led a woman to believe that a man in Oregon was trying to sell her car online.

Speeders were caught spinning doughnuts in the Anderson School parking lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 01:26 PM

Again, from the Rochester (NH) Times:

ROCHESTER — The following items, based on entries in the Rochester Police Log, were selected from 787 calls for service from July 4 to July 7:

Saturday, July 4

12:45 a.m. — On Charles Street, a teenage girl is jumped and assaulted by a large, masked lady.
8:28 a.m. — On King Street, a stray dog is described by a single word — scruffy.
12:08 p.m. — The pastor of the Journey Church reports that one member of the congregation has broken off a relationship with another. The latter has threatened to attend a Sunday service "and kill everyone." This church sponsored the fireworks on July 3.
8:54 p.m. — Bottle rockets woosh on Estes Road.
9:30 p.m. — At Royal Crest MHP, a lady is crawling on the road, accompanied by someone who seems to be crippled. A resident asks after their welfare and they explain they are pie-eyed with drink
10:06 p.m. — Fireworks spark fear and loathing on East Rochester's Main Street.
10:22 p.m. — A Rochester Hill Road resident reports two ladies barged into her house and searched closets for items belonging to her ex-boyfriend.
11:49 p.m. — Music drifting through woods, reaches irritated ears on Kinsale Drive. A Nottingham Lane resident is spoken to.

Sunday, July 5
1:09 a.m. — From Congress, comes the report of a loud party in the white house. Settle down, Obama.
5:29 a.m. — On Juniper Street, a man near a mailbox yells to the homeowner that it is a good thing he doesn't have his baseball bat.
6:59 a.m. — Near Staples, a slender, curly blonde, dressed in a black skirt and matching jacket, is panhandling.
3:03 p.m. — At Walmart, a pickup hauling a boat is blocking the main entrance to the food side, and the driver is refusing to move and let other cars enter.
3:12 p.m. — A homeless man is not wanted on a North Main Street porch.
3:49 p.m. — The manager of Dollar Tree on Milton Road reports he has a woman irked by a return policy. A woman calls to allege Dollar Tree would not take her food stamps and that she was called a bitch and had items thrown at her.
5:16 p.m. — On North Main Street, the homeless person has returned to his perch on the porch.
8:56 p.m. — On Copper Lane dogs bark all day, when coppers come, they've gone away.
9:07 p.m. — On Lafayette Street, a "house is shooting off fireworks."
9:21 p.m. — At Northgate Apartments, males yell at females. There is reciprocity.

Monday, July 6

1:13 a.m. — The homeless person is asleep on the North Main Street porch. He is woken up and "moved along. "
2:56 a.m. — At the Route 125 Motel, disciples of Bacchus are hushed up. One is taken into protective custody for alcoholism.
5:11 a.m. — On Copper Lane, the dogs are back, howling, woofing, yack, yack, yack.
8:35 p.m. — At the construction site on Route 125, a lady dressed in a yellow tank top and shorts is "freaking out on something." Second and third callers assert she can barely stand.
8:57 p.m. — Fireworks snap, crackle and pop at Cold Spring Manor in defiance of management policy.
10:10 p.m. — On Wilson Street, a man in the middle of the road is either having a medical emergency or is drunk.
11:10 p.m. — Folks yell and scream on Quaker Lane.

Tuesday, July 7

10:14 a.m. — The art shoe in front of City Hall, the one purchased by VFW Post 1772, has been vandalized. AMVETS Post 1 members are in the clear.
11:26 a.m. — A mother reports her young daughter was threatened by a man during the Salvation Army lunch program..
9:04 p.m. — A large tattooed man — a 300-pounder — is hitching on Portland Street and "when you don't stop he jumps out at you."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 11:33 AM

* A man in a uniform tried to sell a security system to an 80-year-old woman. The man did not leave a name or a number, but the woman's daughter called police requesting extra patrol in the area around her mother's residence.
(This "security" sales guy came to my door about a week ago!! alice)

* Officers warned a male for running around naked outside.

* A man who turned in a marijuana pipe he had found the night before expressed concerns that the car it came from was an ex-patrol vehicle.

* A caller reported a suspicious phone call involving a $1,000 charge for $500 worth of pizza. The call is being treated as an identity theft scenario.

* A woman reported her neighbor was lying out on the lawn in his underwear.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Wednesday include the following:

* A 7-year-old boy was warned for wandering into other people's homes without permission. He was apparently just looking for someone to play with.

* A caller was concerned about a satellite TV service man who came back to her home to pick up some tools he supposedly left behind. She did not think he had left anything behind.

An airplane flying erratically and emitting smoke near Davis Lane around 6 p.m. turned out to a man flying a model plane with an attached smoke machine.

One-ton round hay bales fell off a truck near the East Main Street Interchange around 8 p.m.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Thursday included the following:

The owner of a business was afraid a recently fired disgruntled employee and his brother were going to come to the business and take a desk.

Kids were going on boats and "fiddling with stuff" at the Rainbow Point Campground.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 12:19 PM

Sort of funny:

Light annoys neighbor

Two feuding residents in the (address removed) have brought the spotlight of law enforcement upon themselves.

John XXXXXX told deputies early Sunday that before sunrise his neighbor "had set up a light with the intent to harass him," according to a report from the County Sheriff's Department. "The light was a large yard light which was aimed at (XXXXXX's) home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly, it seems our area is too urban to have much humour in the police blotters. I found, in the past two months, most of the reports involve drugs and the crimes folks commit to buy them or under the influence of...arrgghh.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 23 Jul 09 - 09:32 AM

A caller needed to pick up a dress for a wedding and the seamstress wouldn't answer her door. The woman needed the dress right away and wanted police to help her get it because she was on her way to the wedding, which was out of state.

Around 5 a.m., a man reported that his wife went out to have a cigarette around 2:30 a.m. and hadn't come back. He called back a couple of hours later and said she had returned.

A person reported vulgar words written in dust on a vehicle parked on East Main Street. The caller thought it was "unsightly for people going to work to have to look at."

* An animal control officer thanked a dog owner for having his dog on a leash.

A woman said music being played near her home on Pioneer Drive was so loud it was shaking her walls. The responding officer did not hear any noise.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Tuesday included the following:

A black bear getting into trash on Little Coyote Road did not seem fearful of humans.

A permitted burn got out of control and burned down a shed with a hot tub in it around 6 p.m. on U.S. Highway 191.

A driver was cited for reckless driving after he sped down Coulee Drive and drove over a garbage can around 11 p.m.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 09:18 PM

* An employee at a senior care facility said a man thinks the mafia owns the center and that the man wants to go have a drink.

* A man broke out all the windows and a door of a bar on East Main Street with a hammer around 3:30 a.m. A 49-year-old Bozeman man, accused of doing the damage, was arrested for criminal mischief.

* Someone left a backpack at the backdoor of a home on North Rouse Avenue.

* A man got up in the morning and found another man sleeping in his vehicle in his garage on North Eighth Avenue. The caller said the man came back twice saying he was looking for a backpack.

* Cash, bear spray, two pairs of binoculars and an emergency car kit were stolen on two separate occasions from an unlocked vehicle parked on Secor Avenue.

* Decorative tree stumps set up along Graf Street were taken.

* A man had questions about laws on stun guns after his roommate threatened him with one. He did not want to press charges.

* A convicted felon wanted to know if he could legally own a compound bow.

* Two young men "wearing whatever 20-year-old males wear" were using a coat hanger to break into a vehicle on Breeze Lane around 3 p.m. They were gone when an officer arrived.

* A man who drove off from a gas station on College Street around 5:30 p.m. was later found and brought back to the station, where he paid for the fuel.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Monday included the following:

* A county office reported that a man left an odd message on its answering service.

* A woman's dog scared a man away after he came to her door selling baking soda and stuck his elbow in the door when the woman said, "No, thank you."

* A man thought his 18-year-old son was being irresponsible because he had not reported that his truck had not been returned by some friends who had borrowed it.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 07:17 PM

Police in the south east of England received a call from a man who said there were prowlers in his garden, and could they help?

The officer told him they had nobody in the area.

Ten minutes later he rang again, and said "It's alright, you needn't bother. I've shot 'em!"

Two minutes later two armed response vehicles and three police cars arrived, just in time to capture the two chaps who were busy removing all the caller's plants.

An irate police Inspector hammered on his door, and when he answered, shouted "I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU SHOT'EM!"

"I thought YOU said you had nobody in the area", was the calm reply.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM

* Two neighbors in an apartment building were arguing because one's dog defecated in the other's apartment. The neighbor retaliated by wiping her own dog's feces on the other neighbor's door. "Both neighbors cleaned up their own dogs' feces and were warned."

* A man turned in a knife he found in front of a hotel on North Seventh Avenue after he realized it had dried blood on it.

The Gallatin County Sheriff's Office reports for Sunday included the following:

* Central Valley firefighters extinguished a fire that started in a dumpster on North Fawn Place that "smelled heavily of flammable liquids" and was filled with paint cans and rags.

* A tailgate was stolen off a pickup truck.

* A deputy assisted two people by providing light for them after they lost inner tubes out of their vehicle on Norris Road. Once they retied the tubes, the deputy gave them a warning for driving with an unsecured load.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 11:11 AM

Around 9 p.m., a man asked authorities to contact his wife who was waiting for him at Swan Creek Campground after he determined that he and his 15-year-old son were not going to make it back to the vehicle that night. They were at the top of Hyalite Peak on bicycles and did not need help but just wanted his wife, who did not have a cell phone, to know they were OK and would make their way out in the morning.

Having been up in there, I'd say it was a fairly logical thing to do in the circumstances, although he should have planned ahead better.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 09:23 AM

* Driving down 19th Avenue, a minor racked up citations for DUI, disorderly conduct, driving while his license was suspended, obstruction, criminal mischief and theft. He was arrested and released to his parents.

* Medical care was called for a man who claimed he had walked from Butte to Bozeman in two days.

* A motorist spotted a bear on the highway near town.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: banjoman
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 08:53 AM

From a so called "Real News as it happens " paper in England some years ago
" Police investigating the theft of the Eddistone Lighthouse say they are currently looking for a suspicious character last seen at Waterloo Station carrying a large brown paper parcel under his arm"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 02:59 PM

* Two men and "an unfriendly dog" were spinning around in a vehicle in a field off Harper Puckett Road around 2 a.m. They were on their own property and the men were working on the vehicle trying to get running.

* A plane was "flying low and spraying stuff" near a subdivision off U.S. Highway 191 around 8:30 a.m.

* * Farmers flagged down a deputy saying they were concerned about tall grass at the intersection of Baxter and Love lanes causing sightline issues for traffic.

* Deputies spoke with a small child after a 911 hang up call was received from her home and a dispatcher said she was "very evasive" when he spoke with her. The deputies explained why they came to her house and how they respond to 911 hang up calls.

* A caller said a person driving a 26-foot box truck told him at a Huffine Lane gas station that they had 15 undocumented workers in the back of it.

* A woman received several strange telephone calls from a man who said her "boss told him to call her about hair modeling" and that he wanted to hire her to wash his wife's hair three times a week for the next two months.

* A man almost struck a construction worker on Interstate 90 when he swerved off the road to avoid hitting another vehicle that had slammed on the brakes and kicked up gravel in a construction zone around 5 p.m. The driver who had slammed on the brakes passed the caller at about 100 mph. The erratic driver was cited and released.

* A woman said her neighbors stole "hundreds of dollars of wood" from her property.

* Around 9 p.m., a man asked authorities to contact his wife who was waiting for him at Swan Creek Campground after he determined that he and his 15-year-old son were not going to make it back to the vehicle that night. They were at the top of Hyalite Peak on bicycles and did not need help but just wanted his wife, who did not have a cell phone, to know they were OK and would make their way out in the morning.

* A woman and some men were screaming somewhere near Stucky Road around 11:30 p.m. The woman was screaming, "Get it out of here," the caller said.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:32 PM

Police were called to a farm on Pine Glen Road. Officers found an inebriated young man engaged in a lewd act with a pumpkin. When questioned, he asked, "Is it midnight already?"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: fat B****rd
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:04 PM

An item in the Grimsby Evening Telegraph in the early 1960s said that "a very ugly man was seen running from the sheep pen at the local abattoir"

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: Alice
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 10:28 PM

* A driver on Frontage Road was concerned that a young woman pulling a piece of luggage along the road was trying to walk to Bozeman and did not know how far it was.

* Someone left a freezer at the dump after hours.

* It could not be determined if a chip in a woman's kitchen window was put there intentionally with a rock or BB pellet or if a bird flew into it.

* Four cows were missing from a herd for over a month.

* A young black bear climbed on the deck of a home on Hackamore Road.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Police Reports in your home town
From: curmudgeon
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM

Thanks for alerting me Jeri. Too many eighth grade takes on millefoil and weevils have buggered my brain.

A better scan might be:

A cruiser on Lowell at night,
Has passed a bike with no light;
A U-turn was made
To catch the bold blade,
But the miscreant vanished from sight.