Tuning up jokes

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Seany
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:17 PM

what's this 'tuning up' thing everyones talking about ?

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Sarah the flute
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:59 AM

What's the difference between a banjo and a mandolin ? The banjo can't fit in the rubbish skip sideways

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Banjer
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:51 AM

You can tuna fish, but you can't tune a banjo...

Banjo tuning is an oxymoron

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: The Crazy Bird
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:45 AM

Dear Hearts,

I never have understood the need to keep the audience mollified with wise cracks while tuning, they got ants in their pants or something?

I might say excuse me if I cut a fart or something, but if it needs to be tuned, they can wait or zap to another channel.

I mean, like the culture can't wait for the dough to rise b4 baking bread, can't take the time to cut onions to put in the stew -- but they can dam well wait until the geetar is tuned.

On the other hand tho, we got time to spend a large part of our life sitting in traffic jam up to our road rage.

(getting off muh soap box and getting ready t'tune muh autoharp )

CrzyBrd

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:43 AM

If extensive tuning or retuning is required, I usually tell the audience I'm going to play a bit of Martin Carthy (renowned guitar supremo who at least when I used to watch him regularly in folk clubs spent half the night tuning and retuning)

mcmoo

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: mcpiper
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:17 AM

Best tuning joke I've seen was a few years ago on a Royal variety show. The group had a typewriter as part of it's instrument line up, when the double bass player went to tune, he asked the typewriter player for a g. It took a few seconds for the audience to get it, but the laughter went on for quite a while.

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Deckman
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 04:38 AM

What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead banjo player ... there's skid marks in front of the skunk!

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Extra Stout
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:05 AM

100 years ago, or so, The New Lost City Ramblers talked about sending their instruments back to the factory for tuning once a year, whether they needed it or not. Maybe it was only 30 years ago.

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Benjamin
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:55 AM

I believe it was Weiss (long before the guitar was invented) that "lutenists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune." See if you can work with that.

You might want to see you can check out a Randy Stonehill concert. That guy is the funniest act I've ever seen. He's a great guitar player as well.

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:06 AM

The best I ever heard was Robin and Linda Williams. "The problem is she's deaf and she tunes by sight. HOW DO THEY LOOK, DEAR?"

Or I just saw John Jackson start a set with "Well let's see I tuned it last week and I hope it's in tune this week."

I saw Martin Hayes and Dennis Cahill 2 years ago. They opened with the 12 minute set from "The Lonesome Touch" that ends with Toss the Feathers, and then Martin rattled off the names of all 5 tunes and added "and we're nearly in tune. I'd blame it on the weather here (rain) but this fiddle is from West Clare where we get boatlands of rain even for Ireland.........and now we live in Seattle." he pokes around for a minute and finally says "If you'll just bear with me, I'm afraid if I try to be slick and talk while I tune, I'll never actually tune."

A friend of mine that I used to play with used to make all kinds of cracks about "he spent an obscene amount of $$$ for a tuneable bodhrán and he's gonna tune it. Let's all pretend like we can hear a difference"

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: Justa Picker
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:26 PM

"So where are you from?" (he says to a pretty thing in the front row)...and she replies "[name of town], U.S.A." and I quip "Oh yeah, [name of town], Nice place if they ever finish it."

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: geo45
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:22 PM

I don't know what's wrong with this guitar, it was in tune when I bought it!

If I _EVER_ get this thing in tune I"m gonna take it out and get it welded.

After an interminable stretch of twanging, "that's the famous old Chinese folk-song,'tune-ING'"

geo45 8^)>

Subject: RE: Tuning up jokes
From: GUEST,Bruce O.
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:02 PM

I heard at a concert about 20 years ago that the performer said he had enough for a book of them and intend to publish it.

Subject: Tuning up jokes
From: Deckman
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 08:54 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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Help ... I need some humor in my life. How about sharing your best tuning up jokes ... you know ... those favorite one or two liners you use to stall the audience while you are trying to get your cranky strings in tune. Here's a few to get us started:

What's the difference between a 1937 Chev and a five string banjo? You can tune a chev!

What note do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor!

What's the difference between a banjo and an accordian? Accordians burn longer!

Hey, make me (us) smile, CHEERS Bob (deckman) Nelson