BS: Silly rhymes anyone?

Subject: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: grumpy al
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 02:16 PM

You all did so well on the last daft thread how about this bit of nonsense?

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
If dope don't get ya
Then Acid's a must

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 02:18 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
And so am I

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 03:09 PM

I did put this on another thread but seeing the above..
Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust,
When they bury Dolly Parton,
They'll have trouble with her..........
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 03:42 PM

Roses are reddish
Violets are blueish
If it wasn't for christmas
We'd all be Jewish

Roses are red
Violets are purple
Sugar is sweet
And so's maple syrple

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:02 PM

Roses are red
Violets are green
My face may be funny
But yours is a scream!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Megan L
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:06 PM

think it was Byron wrote

See the happy moron
he doesn't give a damb
I wish i was a moron
My God perhaps I am

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:15 PM

In a scottish accent

As I was walking doon the road
I saw a coo, a bull by goad!

Possibly the great McGonnigal but I couldn't swear to it.

As I was going by St Pauls
A woman grabbed me by the elbow
She said you look a man of pluck
Come inside and have a sandwich
There's some for a tanner and some for a bob
It all depends on the size of your sandwich

Doesn't realy rhyme very well does it?

Mmmmmm.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:19 PM

Sorry - former was possibly McGonnigal. Latter was most likely from a toilet wall...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 04:51 PM

There was a young lady from Bude
who went for a swim in the lake
a man in a punt
stuck a pole in her ear
saying you cant do that here its Private

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:06 PM

Rose's are red.
Violet's are blue,
Yours are pink.
I've seen them too!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:55 PM

'Tis the Arabian bird alone
Lives chaste, because there is but one.
But had kind nature made them two,
They would like doves & sparrows do.

--------------------------------
shortest poem:

Sail,
Gale,
Pale,
Rail.

----------------------------------------
Mary had a little plane,
And in it she would frisk.
But when she flew it upside down,
Her little *.

-----------------------------------------
Thirty days hath Septober,
April, June and no wonder.
All the rest have peanut butter...
Except my grandmother, who has a little red tricycle.

(all those who 'think' they know other versions of this are simply confused..THIS is the authentic, original version!)

------------------------------------------
There goes the Wapiti,
Hippity, Hoppiti.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks,
Which practically conceal it's sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix, to be so fertile.

(last two from Ogden Nash)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:21 PM

Shorter poem:

FLEAS
Adam
Had 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:25 PM

Fleas'
Please!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:26 PM

Flea.
Plea.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 06:45 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
His fleece was black as soot,
And everywhere that Mary went,
His sooty foot he put.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 07:34 PM

Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now she takes the lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little watch,
She swallowed it one day.
Ans she took some Castor Oil
To pass the time away...
But the time it would not pass-
Now if you want to know the time,
Look up Mary's






......uncle...he has a Grandfather's Clock.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 08:00 PM

Mary had a little lamb
and the midwife fainted.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Micca
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Mary Had a little lamb and then a little beef
she then consumed some coleslaw with some chilliies underneath
and then some bread and butter and some pork chops served with thyme
How strange to find such a greedy girl in an English Nursery Rhyme!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 10:41 PM

Well, I think the silliest ones are the type that have the outer spinner thingie that keeps going 'round after you stop, providing the optical illusion that the car is still moving.

Errr... You did say "silly rims" didn't you?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:26 AM

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was black as soot,
And into Mary's bread and jam,
Its sooty foot it put.

(The last line can be a tongue tangler at speed)...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 02:45 AM

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The bulldog tried.........

A flea met a fly in a flu
Said the flea "Let us fly!"
Said the fly "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flu.

The one 'L' lama he's a priest
The two 'L' llama he's a beast
And I will bet a silk pyjama
There isn't any three 'L' lllama!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:54 AM

I like the Ogden Nash one

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall
I'll never see a tree at all.

or

Rule the tanner, two tanners make a bob
King George never, never, never shaved his.....

(Tanner = sixpenny piece)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Splott Man
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:59 AM

Roses are red
Violets are grey
No they are not!
Still, ne' mind, eh!

----------------

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I've often seen her little lamb
But never seen her ....

------------------

This one's from the Brett Marvin and the Thunderbolts LP from way back...
(Jim who recited it now plays in a ceilidh band in Sussex)

I grow whiskers on my chin
I grow them on my chest
I grow them on my knees and legs
But the ones I like the best
Grow wild all up and down my back
And poke out through my vest
My Mummy says that lots of hair will keep out all the cold
But still, I'm quite a pretty girl, I'm nearly 12 years old.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Scooby Doo
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:12 AM

Remember M
Remember E
Put them together and remember ME.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:17 AM

Mary had a little lamb
It was delicious...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:24 AM

When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley
I rub my bum, then I come, home to you
You've been rubbing your bum too
`Cause your fingers smell like poo
When it's bum-rubbing time in the valley

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 04:43 AM

Mary had a little pig
It wouldn't stop it's gruntin'
So she took it down the garden path
And kicked it's little **** in.

Mary had a little watch
She swallowed it one day
Now she's taking Epsom Salts
To pass the time away

Pease pudding hot
Pease pudding cold
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old
(Old skipping rhym)

Mary had a little bear
She fed it bacon rind
And everywhere that Mary went
You saw her bear behind.

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 06:46 AM

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone
But as she bent over, up jumped old Rover
And slipped her a bone of his own.

!from an eight year old boy that I teach!)

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:02 AM

i wandered lonely, drunk and proud
all floating by on valium pills
when all at once i thought out loud
and told the priest he made me ill.
besides that mate
beneath my knees
your frantic fumblings smell of cheese..

incontinent as his startled mind
that pickled up my silky stays
he retched in never ending whine
inciting me to drink and pay.
Ten thousand downed I at a glance
tossing the glasses at his pants.

he buckled over, screamed hooray
i tipped the oily knave in ghee
he said, "no thanks, I'm really gay"
and offered me a cup of tea.
My eyes were glazed, my mind distraught
for Brother Kev was such a sort.

Now oft, when in the vault I lie
in vacant or offensive mood
I know that brother Kev's a spy
for the Mafia or Rodney Rude
and then my heart with pleasure fills
and sublimates the daffy pills..

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:13 AM

Freda, I just fell of my chair laughing at that! Where on earth did you get it? Is it your own?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:48 AM

'fraid so, db, 'fraid so. but glad you liked it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:59 AM

me like it too, freda wardsworth!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhymes anyone?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:01 AM

It mentions Rodney Rude - must be Australian!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
The rooster used to [usta] chase it round and round the henhouse, but never caught it cause that little red hen was just far too quick for him...

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:06 AM

danke, MBSlynne und wilfried.

Ft, yes, i think i might be australian..

Mary had a little hen
She kept it in a bucket
And every time she let it out
she tried to catch and pluck it!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:53 AM

I have no pain, dear Mother, now
But Oh, I am so dry.
Connect me to a brewery
And leave me there to die.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:15 AM

La Table Ronde

Chevaliers de la table ronde
Goutons voir si le vin est bon
Rpt
Cho.
Goutons voir oui oui oui
Goutons voir non non non
Goutons voir si le vin est bon

S'il est bon s'il est agreable
J'en boirai jusqu'a mon plaisir
Etc.

Si je meurs je veux qu'on me'enterre
Dans un cave ou y a du bon vin
Etc

Les deux pieds contre la muraille
Et la tet' sous le robinet
Etc

Sur ma tombe je veux qu'on inscrive
Ici Git le Roi de Buveurs
Etc

Giok

Subject: Lyr Add: I HOLD YOUR HAND IN MINE (Tom Lehrer)
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:44 AM

I'll hold your hand in mine dear,
I'll press it to my lips
And take a healthy bite from
Your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear
If you were only here,
But still I have your hand as
A precious souvenir.

The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get bloodstains on my tie

I'm sorry now I killed you
Our love was something fine
And 'till they come to get me
I will hold your hand in mine

Tom Lehrer

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From:
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

Mary had a little lamb
she tied to a pylon
10 thousand volts went up its bum
And turned it into nylon

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 10:58 AM

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat
Blood and guts went flying
Postman Pat was crying
Never seen a cat as flat as that!

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:12 AM

Mary had a little lamb,
Was always full of frollicks.
She threw it high into the air,
And caught it before it could hit the ground.(couldn't think of a rhyme!)
Best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 12:03 PM

The salvation Army free from sin
Went to heaven in a corned beef tin
The corned beef tin began to smell
And the Salvation Army went to...
Helensburgh castle stands upon a rock
And if you want to pass it you've got to show your....
Cocktail Ginger ale, half a pint of water, stick it up your...
Ask no questions I'll tell no lies
Shut you mouth, and you'll catch no flies.

There was an old farmer who sat on a rock
Teaching his children to play with their....
Kites and their marbles in bold days of yore
When along came a maiden who looked like a ....
Pretty young maiden with feet like a duck
Who said she'd invented a new way to ....
Educate her children to read and to write
While the boys in the farmyard were shovelling some ...
Dirt and some rubbish to put on the fire
While the dirty old farmer was pulling his...
Horse from the stable to go to the hunt
And the lady of the manor was powdering her...
Nose from the vanity box
To prevent her from catching a fresh dose of ....
Gout or lumbago

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:40 PM

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Said, "Yuck!"

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
My husband will be home in five minutes!

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his girlfriend Mary.
He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum,
and said, "Where the hell is your cherry?!"

S

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Chris Green
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 01:48 PM

To the tune of "Doh, A Deer" from The Sound Of Music

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer
Re - my mate who buys me beer
Me - a bloke I buy beer for
Fa - my beer is far from me
So - I'll have another beer
La - la la la la la la
Te - no thanks, I'll have a beer
All of which brings us back to

Doh - a beer, a pint of beer etc etc. You get the idea

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: mack/misophist
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 08:52 PM

The best silly rhyme I know of was written by John Bellairs.

Higgelty piggelty
John Cantacuzene
Swaddled in Byzantine
Pearl seeded robes,
Put out the eyes
Of his iconophical
Prelate, for piercing
His priestly ear lobes.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:06 PM

When the weather's hot and sticky,
That's no time for dunkin' dickey;
When the frost is on the punkin,
That's the time for dickey dunkin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:41 PM

Ogden Nash also once rhymed "Junior" with "Pennsylvunia". He is responsible for the marvelous couplet

Therefore man fills himself with joie de vivre
And goes out to celebrate New Year's Ivre.

Another pointedly bad rhyme, this time by Anon.:

The youth who attend picture palaces
Have no use for psycholanalysis.
Altho Dr Freud
Is distinctly annoyed,
They cling to their long-standing fallacies.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: emjay
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 11:59 PM

Little Willie killed his sister
She was dead before we missed her
Willie's always up to tricks
Ain't he cute? He's only six.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Cluin
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 12:20 AM

Standing on a bridge at midnight
Squeezing blackheads from her crotch
She said, "Jack I've never had it"
I said, "No, not fucking much!"

It's the same the whole world over
It's the poor what gets the blame
While the rich gets all the pleasure
Now ain't that a fucking shame?

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:49 AM

It was on the bridge at midnight,
Throwing snowballs at the moon.
She said "Sir I never did it",
But she spoke a bit too soon.

same chorus as above.

Subject: RE: BS: Silly rhyms anyone?
From: Ooh-Aah2
Date: 20 Nov 04 - 04:50 AM

Two real classics from Spike Milligan:

The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled
Twit.

I must go down to the sea again
To the lonely sea and the sky
I left my shoes and socks down there, I wonder if they're dry?

And another;

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her Irish stew
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And so she ate him up too.