Songs that are so bad they're brilliant

Subject: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rana
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:09 PM

This idea was prompted by the Worst Song thread.

Can any one think of a folk song (or any song for that manner) in the vein of the film "Plan 9 from Outer Space" or such like - one that is so bad it becomes a classic. In poetry, I suppose, one could have the Tay Bridge Disaster - by McGonegal (spelling?)

Rana

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Paul S
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:16 PM

Are You Drinking With Me Jesus by Mojo Nixon:

Let's take a cab home Jesus
Shit man, we can hoof it from here
I know that you can walk on the water
But can you walk on this much beer

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: emily rain
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:41 PM

oh, dear god that's so awesome!

i mentioned my all-time favorite terrible song on a similar thread once upon a time: engine 143, as sung by sweet little joan baez.

"his face was covered up with blood
his eyes they could not see
and the very last words poor georgie cried
were 'nearer, my god, to thee'"

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Peter T.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:44 PM

One of the greatest of all songs, a song I adore, George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today" is so ridiculous that it is utterly entrancing. You can't help yourself.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:38 PM

There's always "Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life" -- does anybody know if it was for real in the first place??

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:38 PM

Mason Williams...

"You done stompt on my heart,
You tore that thing apart.
Darlin' you just sorta
Mashed on my aorta.
You started steppin' out with guys
I felt us drift apart
And every step you took,
Was stompt upon my heart."

well, he didn't mean it seriously..it was a joke....still.....

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: sophocleese
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:42 PM

I always liked "Nothing" by The Fugs

Monday nothing, Tuesday nothing, Wednesday and Thursday nothing, Friday for a change a little more nothing, Saturday, Sunday nothing...

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Frank Hamilton
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:13 PM

"There's a football game in Heaven, In Heaven's own backyard Where Jesus is the quarterback And Moses playing guard The angels in the bandstand, They all let out a yell When Jesus the quarterback Beats the boys from Hell

Stay with God, Stay with God Rock 'em sock em block 'em Jesus Stay with God.

(Jesus on the five yard line Really doin' God-dam fine Rock 'em sock 'em block 'em Jesus, Stay with God.

I think this one might qualify.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:18 PM

You owe it to yourselves to click on this link: Dropkick Me Jesus. Looks to me like it must be a real song, but I've never heard it. If we're all good, maybe Gene will post a recording at his site for us.
-Joe Offer, suitably inspired-

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:45 PM

Max Boyce used to do a song about a dream where he went to heaven and they were all playing rugby. I think t was called The Devil's Marking Me. I have had a search but can't find it. About the only bits I can remember go (I think).

There was rugby every evening on a field of golden corn And the referee was Gabriel and he blew on his silver horn They tell me we play hell next week in the annual charity I wouldn't mind but I've been told the devils marking me.

Jon

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: emily rain
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:45 PM

oh! there's "why don't you write me" by paul simon, otherwise known as the pathetic desperation anthem:

starts with:

why don't you write me, i'm out in the jungle
i'm hungry to hear you...

and i LOVE the bridge:

sunday monday sittin' in the sun
hopin' and wishin' that mail would come
tuesday
hadn't got a word (mmmm mmmm mmmm mmmm)
wednesday thursday ain't no sign
drank a half a bottle of iodine
friday
woe is me i'm gonna hang my body from the highest
treeee-eeeee-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
[shrilly] WHY DON'T YOU WRITE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EE-EE?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: SeanM
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 07:05 PM

Sad to say, "Drop Kick Me Jesus" IS a real song. I remember the old Dr. Demento show playing it on occasion... *shudder*

M

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 07:07 PM

Yep, that's where I heard "Drop kick me," too.

So what's the story on "Fish Heads?"

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: darkriver
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 08:15 PM

Funny you should mention Paul Simon, emily.
Just the other day I was thinking about another Sixties ditty of his-- "The 69th Street Bridge Song", with that unforgettably awful refrain:

Hello lamppost, whatcha knowin
I've come to watch your flowers GROWin
Aincha got no rhymes for me
Mumblety mumble, feelin GROOVY. . . .

I blush for shame thinking of it, and us then.

doug aka darkriver

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: M. Ted (inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 08:30 PM

A fave of mine has always been "I'm just here to get my baby out of Jail", which ends with this enduring image:

"Then this warden he did say, to the lady old and gray, I will bring your darling baby to your side. Two iron gate swung wide apart, she took her haby to her heart. She kissed her darling boy and then she died, but smiling, In the arms of her dear boy and then she died."

Joe Offer, this song seems like something you would like, as well--

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Mat Freeman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 08:59 PM

Bill, do you recall the album or the song title for that Mason Williams song? I heard that performed once by some guys at college and have wanted for years to track it down. (Didn't John Denver sing it once, or something?)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: arkie
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 09:13 PM

Drop Kick Me Jesus got a fair amount of play on country radio, though it was not one of Bobby Bear's major hits.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 09:31 PM

Yeah, Ted, I have to admit that Gene Graham and Dale Rose got me stuck on those sappy old songs that tell soap opera stories. The sadder they get, the harder I laugh. When I'm around people who take those things seriously, I can get into real trouble.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 09:56 PM

As long as we're bringing up "religious" tunes, Everybody Needs Somebody by John Prine:

While out sailing on the ocean
While out sailing on the sea
I bumped into the saviour
He said, "Pardon me"
I said, "Jesus, you look tired"
He said, "Jesus! So do you
So won't you sit down son
Because I got some fat to chew

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 11:50 PM

Just for the record, Are You Drinking WIth Me Jesus was written by Lou and Peter Berryman. And Dropkick was written by a Mensa member with his tongue firmly established in his cheek.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Mudjack
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 12:05 AM

Rana,
Plan Nine From Outer Space is a cult classic. I just can't pass up the brag rights. When I was a youngster of 15, I worked in a theatre in So. Calif and the man I worked for was the(one of) associate producer of Plan Nine or Grave Robbers from Outer Space. It was released with two different titles. H. Thomas has a cameo with the other associate producer.They are both the grave diggers in the beginning. I got a personal showing of that film on the big screen. His son sit next to me and laughed until he cried and I felt embarassed for my boss. It goes to show you some people have a knack for spotting farce humor and then there was me, who just did'nt get it till it was awarded the lifetime achievement for being the world's worst movie ever made. Mr Thomas always laughed about it as well.There was some really interesting sidelines about the making that I'll always treasure.
Plastic Jesus came to mind as a really bad song, but Paul Newman did a fine job singing it, but then I liked Plan Nine From Outer Space.My Gawd.. I need help.....
Mudjack

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: DonMeixner
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 12:55 AM

I'd have to vote for " The Cowboy Brakeman" ....He killed a hundred passengers but thank God he saved the child.....

"Mother The Queen of My Heart" by Jimmie Rodgers ... She said son son't start drinkin and gamblin, swear that you'll always go straight...

"Heavenly HouseBoat Blues" by Townes Van Zandt.....They are building a house boat in heaven, to on God's deep and holy seas....

another endless list I'm afraid.

Don

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Joe Offer
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 03:43 AM

I think most of the songs that fit into this category were written by tongue-in-cheek geniuses. Then there's surf songs, girl group songs, and dead teenager songs. In the 60's, I was too much of an "intellectual" to appreciate that music. as time has gone on, I've learned there's a lot of fun in music like that. "Dead Man's Curve," "Leader of the Pack," and "Tell Laura I Love Her" are good examples of dead teenager songs. How 'bout Lesley Gore's "It's My Party" and its sequel, "Judy's Turn to Cry"? I used to thing "My Boyfriend's Back" was SO dumb, but now I think it's fun. "Surf City" and "409" and "Little Old Lady from Pasadena" are more clever than they seem at first, I think. Yeah, they all follow a formula, but they're sure a lot of fun.
We sang "Those Were the Days, My Friend" tonight and really hammed it up. We laughed so hard we couldn't get through the song.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: bob schwarer
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 06:50 AM

"Twenty Naked Pentacostals in a Pontiac" (my favorite)
"Five Pounds of Possum" (my favorite)
"Ain't Florida Grand(Great?)"

More coming when I wake up. Bob S.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: kendall
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:04 AM

I reaLLY RESENT SEEING " those were the days" in this list. That is a great song for anyone over 40. Perhaps when you grow up you will learn to appreciate it.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rana
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:17 AM

One song which I heard performed live by Mary Knickle won the Ian Robb - Dave Parry Sentimental Song Contest sponsored by Mariposa (held almost annually in Toronto)some years ago - was called "I've been sqeezed through the Garlic Press of life". The refrain was brilliant, unfortunately I can't remember it.

Rana

PS: Mudjack - thanks for telling us about Plan 9 - you probably didn't realise it was going to become the cult classic.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Cara
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:46 AM

How about "The erfect Country and Western Song"

I was drunk the day my momma got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
but before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runned over by a damned old train...

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Peter T.
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:52 AM

Plan 9 is good, but "Glen or Glenda" is the true masterpiece. The famous sweater renunciation scene may well be the greatest 45 seconds of celluloid ever. The first time I saw Glen or Glenda in a movie theater I became physically hysterical, and couldn't stay to the end, and missed the sweater scene. Later, when I came for the second show, I finally got to witness the full unfolding of the creator's genius. I have seen it dozens of times, and it remains an awesome testimony to the complete weirdness possible in the human mind.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: SeanM
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 01:13 PM

Somehow, when I first saw this thread, I had a feeling that Ed Wood would rear his head at some point...

Not too long ago I used to work at a video store. Shortly after I arrived, a "remastered" version of Plan 9 was released.

I took great joy in making sure as many people as possible rented this film. Oddly enough, reaction was mostly favorable.

M

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 05:27 PM

"We Need a Whole Lot More of Jesus (And a Lot Less Rock and Roll)"--probably not written as a parody, but could have been. "Okie from Muskogee," supposedly written as a parody but got taken seriously, even by its writer, Merl Haggard (for whom it made a mint--and a career [for which I'm thankful; the guy can flat out sing]). And of course "OfM" is now probably played more as parody than straight.

--seed

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 06:30 PM

Seed, I can assure you that when Wayne Raney sang "A whole lot More of Jesus..." in the 50s he MEANT it. Now I leared it from the Greenbriar Boys. As to their motives....well.

Rick

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 06:49 PM

Mat...the Mason Williams thing was, I believe, on "The Mason Williams Listening Matter"...(I have 2 Mason Williams albums down in the catacombs, and have not gone & dug...)will check on it sometime if you need more info....

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 06:55 PM

Seed, remember the long-hair response to "Okie"? I think it was called "I'm Proud to be a Hippie from Olimo" or something like that, might have been by Arlo? Class? Anyone? Bueller?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 07:06 PM

Actually, "I'm glad to be an A**H*** from El Paso"

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: WyoWoman
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 07:11 PM

Bob S. -- Where, oh where, can I learn "Twenty Naked Pentecostals in a Pontiac?" This sounds like my kind of song.

WyoWoman

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:18 PM

Anything by Queen is pretty terrible, but their crowning achievement was

I see a little silhouette-o of a man
Scaramouche-Scaramouche- Can you do the Fandango?
Thunderbolt and Lightning, very very frightening me!
Oh Galileo,Galileo,Galileo let him go!
LET HIM GOMISS MILLER(she will not let him go)
Be-el-ze-bub has a Devil put aside for ME..for ME..for MEEEEEE

Completely ridiculous, yet fascinating

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lyle
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:24 PM

Joe Offer said about Drop Kick Me Jesus, "Looks to me like it must be a real song, ..." and it is: It was a *hit* single for Bobby Bare (can't remember the year) and was on this album later. Check Song #14.

Bobby Bare - All American Boy-21 Greatest Hits 1994

TRACKS

0 1. All American Boy 0 2. Shame On Me 0 3. Detroit City 0 4. 500 Miles Away From Home 0 5. Miller's Cave 0 6. Four Strong Winds 0 7. Streets Of Baltimore 0 8. Game Of Triangles 0 9. (Margie's At) The Lincoln 10. Come Sundown 11. Please Don't Tell Me How 12 Ride Me Down Easy 13. Marie Laveau 14. Drop Kick Me, Jesus 15. Numbers 16. Tequila Sheila 17. He Was A Friend Of Mine 18. When I'm Gone 19. To Whom It May Concern 20. I Don't Believe I'll Fall 21. Bye Bye Lov

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:32 PM

I have the album it first appeared on, "'The Winner' and Other Losers." And Bobby Bare is definitely too smart to have had anything but parody in mind when he wrote it. That's what made it so funny when Monday Night Football adopted it--as if no one would be offended by the parody.

And Leej, it was "Hippie from Olema," a little town in Marin county, and it was a California group that did it, someone like "New Riders of the Purple Sage" or "The Doobie Brothers"--like them, but probably not them.

--seed

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Michael K.
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:57 PM

I was surfing a couple of MP3 sites last night, and came across something that made me laugh out loud and at the same time, sort of blew me away.

A band called ''KLEZMER 2000'' had MP3 samples posted from their new album. We're talking about Israeli/Middle Eastern Music, with an acid jazz kind of a groove/production!!!!!!

I figure if the masses can accept RAP (which makes my skin crawl and sends me running for nitro glycerine tablets) they can handle Klesmer 2000.

Go to CD Now, search for them, and listen. See if their stuff qualifies for this thread. (I'm sure that some will most definitely think so.)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From:
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 12:21 AM

I heard a song on a public radio folk show that I wish I'd taped. It was exactly the kind of stupid political folk song I hate. All I remember is the refrain:

(righteously) "They didn't listen to Anita Hill, But she told the truth any-way."

Looking forward,

Elaine DiMasi ([e-mail])

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 12:53 AM

Damn, Seed, if you are not a veritable font of information!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 01:36 AM

I don't know about the "veritable" part of it, Leej: I'm wrong about half the time. --seed

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: bob schwarer
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 03:43 PM

WyoWoman:
There was a thread on "20 Naked Pentacostals....." abit ago(last April). Do a search for "Pentacostals" and it should pop up. I posted the lyric near the end of the thread after I found the CD.

Bob S.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: M. Ted (inactive)
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 04:48 PM

"Hippie from Olema" was recorded by the Youngbloods, about 1970--My recollection is that it was written by someone other than the band members, but I can't find the record I have of it--I did send off an e-mail to the Jesse Colin Young website (he seems to own a coffee plantation in Hawaii!) to ask him about it, so maybe he will reply--

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:03 AM

This is a song that never ends.................

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Dan Evergreen
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:36 AM

Hey this is easy: "I'm Gonna Get a Wine-o to Decorate Our Home." "I'm gonna get a wine-o to decorate our home, So you'll feel more at home here, And you won't have to roam; Take out the dinning room table, Put a bar along that wall, And a neon light to show the way To the bathroom down the hall." How totally dumb. How totally clever."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Davey
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:00 PM

I think it was Kitty Wells that sang "I Gave My Wedding Dress Away" which tells of how she looked after her little sister since her mother died, and always gave her whatever she wanted, including, we find out, the man she was going to marry.
Eve Goldberg sings it here in Toronto, and it won second prize in the aforementioned Sentimental Song contest...

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:29 PM

Everybody must get stoned

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: lamarca
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 05:32 PM

"I'm proud to be a hippy from Olema
Where we're friends with all the squares and all the straights
We still take in strangers if they're Haggard
And we can't think of anyone to hate..."

Yep, it was the Youngbloods, but I don't know who actually wrote it...

How 'bout the hymn with the second verse that starts :
"By the light of burning martyrs..."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Harold
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:11 PM

How about: "I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back in my bed while I cried over you." I remember hearing this on a "Cowboy Radio program" many years ago. If someone remembers the words or can point me in the right direction, I'd appreciate it.

Here's to good bad songs.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: HattieLou
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:31 PM

Harold, I think the some of the words are "I've got tears in my beard 'cause I've been crying for you dear, I've got lonely on my mind. That's all I can remember. Does anyone remember the singer?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Songster Bob
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 12:37 AM

Came across this in a songbook I found in a friend's guitar case the other day, and it put me in mind of the man who wrote it, Jon Eberhart. I'm doing this chorus from memory, and I can't say the song is so much "bad" as just a more-than-enough-extended metaphor, exactly in keeping with the genuine article (this one being self-conciously constructed).

She's read her final issue, there was nothing we could do,
We could see the end a-coming, as she turned its pages through.
Now a halo lights her reading, and her days are free from strife,
Death has cancelled her subscription to the magazine of life.


From "Magazine of Life," copyright 1980 by Jonathan Eberhart

I don't remember if this is on his Folk Legacy recording or not, but it's one in the spirit of that recording's title song, "Life's Trolley Ride."

Songster Bob

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Ely
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 01:54 AM

Besides the "Five Pounds of Possum" one (which, down here, is "Forty Pounds of Possum", since everything is bigger in Texas)? I always get a chuckle out of the Holy Modal Rounders' "Mister Space Man", a parody of a really bad early '60's pop tune called "Mr. Bass Man". I don't think my father ever could remember a full set of lyrics to something if it wasn't absurd. These are some of the gems on which I was raised: 1) "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" (Beatles) 2) Hostile Baby Rocking Song ("there's an island way out in the sea, where the babies they all grow on trees"). 3) the one about the Cadillac and the Nash Rambler ("Hey, buddy, how can I get this car out of second gear?") 4) "Merchant's Lunch" by the Red Clay Ramblers.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: SeanM
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 03:14 AM

Number 3 is called "Beep Beep"... *shudder*

M

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Stewie
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 05:10 AM

Seed, 'We Need a Lot More of Jesus' was written by Wayne Raney. It would be hard to know whether he was serious. I have always seen 'Drop Kick Me Jesus' credited to Paul Craft, not Bobby Bare as you suggest.

Cheers, Stewie.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 09:16 AM

Well, I'm sure Bobby Bare did the song, but my lasting memory is the version by Kinky Friedman and his Texas Jewboys. On his first album I believe. Kinky, who now writes mystery novels, seemed hell-bent on offending anyone he could (my kind of guy). It also had a version of that anti-feminist anthem "Get Your Biscuits in Oven and Your Buns in the Bed." After I married my first (and now ex-) wife, this album disappeared. She always swore she had nothing to do with its disappearance. Me, I just bought another copy.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Tincap
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 07:04 PM

Can't remember the words but I had I think it was the title song from a Sneezy Waters (is he still around?) called "You've got Sawdust on the Floor of my Heart."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 10:37 AM

I vaguely remember a song from the early to mid seventies called 'Uneasy Rider' about a long hair whose car or bike breaks down in a redneck town. In describing the inhabitants of the town he refers to 'some old fella with green teeth' anyone remember anything more about this one, artist, more lyrics etc?

My collection of 45's included such classics as Troglodyte, Guitarzan, The Streak and one that I think most qualifies for this thread, Jerry Reed's Amos Moses. I should dig those out. Believe it or not, I got a brand new 45 a few months ago, "If Jesus Was a Picker" by an artist who gets a lot of ink on the 'cat, anyone know who it is?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Pelrad
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 10:54 AM

Anyone care to theorize about why so many of these "bad songs" are about Jesus?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 11:00 AM

Just to set the record (no pun intended), I am not saying 'If Jesus Was A Picker' is a bad song, I was just rambling a bit. Any guesses as to who the artist is.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 01:53 PM

Steve..."Uneasy Rider" was a top 40 hit for The Charlie Daniels Band.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 02:29 PM

LEJ,

Thanks, I think I even had this on vinyl at one point. I'll search cowpie for the rest of the lyrics.

Steve

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: M
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 05:50 PM

MAG--

Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish head, fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!

And you must sing this song in front of the fish heads at the supermarket! A friend and I use to make a beeline in this one particular store (that only had one aisle--it was a maze, literally) to the fish section and sing softly to the fish heads while swaying at the waist. I don't remember who wrote it, though it was on MTv for awhile and there are actually more lyrics...a great song (sigh).

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 05:57 PM

Er - all y'all know "If Jesus was a Picker" is on rick's disc, right?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 06:09 PM

I think Steve was having some fun with Mr Fielding, MAG. I would still like to hear Ray Stevens do it, though. Now if we can just get rid of that "grass" reference...

LEJ

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 06:30 PM

Har Har Har (my equivalent of "grin"). The worst part of "If Jesus was a Picker" is that it's always been my most requested song! I wrote part of it while watching the "Jim and Tammy" hour (this was before Jim went away for cheating the true believers) and seeing Tom Landry (then coach of the Dallas Cowboys) talkin' about Jesus being his "football coach in the sky". On the same program Glen Campbell said that "he was pickin' fer Jesus now". Shortly after, Glen met Tanya Tucker and from both their autobiographies it seems they started "fightin' and snortin' for Jesus as well". The song is not a shot at religion at all (hear that Jesse Ventura) only the hypocracy of those who use it to support their greed or bigotry.
Hang on to that 45 Steve, it may be worth a dollar some day.

Rick

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Barry Finn
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 11:26 PM

A few weeks ago at our local singing session someone sang a song about Somerville (Next to Boston) & all it's charms ("where the traffic light turn from green to red,,,,,, and back to green again"). Sorry, Somerville has no charm. Well a few of us started saying where'd he get that song from, it's awful, a few minutes later he had some of us chuckling by the end everyone was in stiches & gasping for air with all the laughter. It was really awful never heard anything as bad but never heard anything as funny either. Don't know the name of it (maybe just Somerville) but I was telling a friend on mine about it & he said he hadn't heard it in over 20 years, he came upp with the guy's name who wrote it but dam me if I can recall it. Barry

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Owlkat
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 01:31 AM

Re: the October 2 reference to the perfect country and western song... John Prine and Steve Goodman wrote it in reply to all the hurtin'country songs they came across. It was picked up by David Allen Coe who sang it so often that it was thought to have been written by him. I believe it's called "You never even called me by my name", and can be found on one of Steve Goodman's earlier albums. Far from being terrible; it stands as one of the most brilliant examples of parody that I know. Not that any of the country audiences I sang it for actually got the joke. Goofy, silly, funny? Yup. Terrible? I don't think so.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Jeff Spurlin
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 11:14 AM

Owlkat...You are correct about "The perfect country and Western Song". It was the last verse, which as far as I know was only sung by David Alan Coe, that was quoted. DAC did give Steve Goodman credit for it though.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 04:44 PM

Rick,

Love "Fightin and Snortin For Jesus" reminded me of this past summer when I was visting relatives in New York State. I asked my cousin's husband if he had gone to Woodstock as it was about twenty minutes away from where they live. His answer was 'No, I was killing commies for Christ" I pursued this and apparently his Chaplain in Viet Nam had 'Kill a commie for Christ' painted on his Jeep.

OwlKat, I completely agree about some of the most brilliant parody I've ever heard. A great song.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Owlkat
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 11:23 PM

This one just flashed me, so I thought I'd fire it off, before I forget. It's not really bad, just kind of goofy. I got this one when I used to tape (for archival reasons only) syndicated Dr.Demento shows when I lived in Toronto. For some reason, it's stuck with me. c f Send me to glory in a glad bag g c Don't waste a fancy coffin on my bones c f Just set me out with the trash next Tuesday g c And let the sanitation local take me home.

...and there's more where that came from.

hoots meow. Owl.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 08 Oct 99 - 09:45 AM

One of the Toronto morning shows had a beauty called "Fishin' Worms", I have no idea who it was by and can't recall many of the lyrics, can anyone help?

It was complete parody, but what about the bovine lounge lizard in the HP Sauce commercials crooning "You'll never know, how much I love you, moo moo moo moo" One of my favourite commercials ever.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 09:22 AM

Back when I was a teenager cruising for burgers at 3 AM we used to pick up WWVA from 600 miles away and chortle at the antics of a DJ calling himself "The Coffee Drinking Night Owl"; his gimmick was unscrewing a jar of Nescafe next to the mike and stirring up a cup of instant coffee. Back then there were some pretrty undescribably thick songs in the country circuit, and I have never forgotten the one called "Window Shopping", which went:
Yore jes' winder shoppin', jes' winder shoppin'
Fer anyone who's fool enough to fall.
You don't want real love
You never feel love
Yore jes' winder shoppin', is all !

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 09:56 AM

Well... this one might qualify, because many people think of it as great, but I just can't take it at all... "There Were Roses"... what a heavy handed, clumbsy, overly sentimental, pile of crud...

Now, I know I've likely offended EVERY Celtic and psudo-celtic here, but I'm allowed to have my own opinions and proclaim them publicly...

For my tastes, there's one good song about the garbage going on in Ireland, and it applies to the Middle East and just about any other "hot spot" I can think of... It's called "House Of Orange" by Stan Rogers...

"Donald Where's Yer Trousers" always sorta got to me as the Sinefeld (sp?) episode of folk music... pointless but kinda funny...

That's Been My 0.02

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Jesse's girl
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 10:40 AM

I'll submit the 1970s song "Run Joey Run" as a so-bad-its-fun song. It's the one about a guy who wants to do right by his pregnant girlfriend, but her mean old dad is gunning for him. Dad accidentally shoots the girlfriend, who goes to heaven with a chorus of fake-portentous "aaawww-aaaahhhs."

I find truly over-the-top songs such as this more enjoyable than mediocre songs such as "My Heart Will Go On."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 02:32 PM

Well, Joe Offer, I think kendall has you sussed: "That is a great song for anyone over 40. Perhaps when you grow up you will learn to appreciate it."

Actually I reckon "Those were the Days" is a great song, and one of the great things about it is you can sing iut totally tongue in cheek, or totally sincerely. I think to qualify of this kind of thread, that has to be true of a song.

You don't have tomtake sides on a song and decide it's ridiculous, or above ridicule. Lots (most?) really good songs hover on the border between the two, and can tip over to either according to how they're sung, and how the people listen are feeling. Some singers can even play with moving a song back and forth between the extremes - yiou suddenly realkise in the middle of some song you've thought of as a cheerful singalong song, andnrealise mthere's real pain in there.The Titanic. Engine 143.

Hank Wangford is a great man for having it both ways with songs.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Hagbardr
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 04:02 PM

There's one I heard a couple years ago, "Concrete Roads", parodying John Denver's "Country Roads". Don't remember any of the lyrics though. Pabst Blue Ribbon does that to you.....

Hagbard

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: tradsteve
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 04:54 PM

Gotta go with "Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart" by Johnny Cash

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: kendall
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 05:00 PM

Take back your heart, I ordered liver.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 05:01 PM

I can't think of any! Really!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: JamesBerriman
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 06:02 PM

Lonesome EJ wrote of Bohemian Rhapsody "MISS MILLER(she will not let him go)".

The word is actually Bismillah, which means "In the name of god".

I, too, heard "Miss Miller" for years until I saw the lyrics printed somewhere!

( :-]) James

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 06:53 PM

Yes, "Bismillah" is actually an Arabic word. All ties in if you know that Freddy Mercury was of Arabic heritage--his real name was Farouk Bulsara.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 08:01 PM

I thought he was from a Persian family rather than Arabic.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Melbert
Date: 26 Jan 00 - 04:26 PM

How about "Peeping through the knothole in Grandma's wooden leg"?
or
"If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it all over you".

Subject: Lyr Add: THE WRECK OF THE OLD SOUTHERN PACIFIC
From: GUEST,Auxiris
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 03:54 AM

Hello, everyone. Don, I can see that your contribution to this discussion is from last October, but if you see this and you've got a complete version that's different from the one below, could you please post it? Thanks!
Cheers,
Auxiris

THE WRECK OF THE OLD SOUTHERN PACIFIC
"Haywire" Mac McClintock

Out of the Sierra Mountains came an SP passenger train.
The hoboes tried to ride her, but alas! 'twas all in vain.
The conductor took the tickets and counted every soul.
The engineer looked straight ahead and the fireman shoveled coal.

Now the fireman was a cowboy, but do not think it strange.
He could make more money shoveling coal than riding on the range.
And though he was a fireman, and though he had to sweat,
He still remained a western boy and he kept his lariat.

Now the train was way behind time, and the passengers were wild,
When on the track a-sudden there strolled a little child.
Her golden hair in ringlets was hanging down her back.
She little knew her danger grave as she strolled along the track.

"My God!" the engineer shouted, as he slammed on all the brakes.
"I'll never stop this train in time. I ain't got what it takes.
Oh, who will save that wee tot?" he cried in accents wild.
"Can anyone stop this SP train and save that little child?"

Up stepped the cowboy-fireman, and a gallant lad was he:
"Oh, I will save that baby if I wreck this whole SP."
He stepped out on the running board. With tears his eyes were wet,
And in his hand, our hero brave bore his trusty lariat.

He quickly dropped a fast loop round a pole beside the track,
And then he tied the other end around the big smokestack.
He pulled the train clear off the track and caused an awful wreck.
Our hero lay there in the ditch with the engine on his neck.

Oh, we will long remember that 45th of May,
For there were many gallant hearts all filled with fear that day!
We buried that poor cowboy where the prairie winds blow wild.
He killed two hundred passengers but, thank God, he saved that child!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Seamus Kennedy
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 05:05 AM

Rick Fielding, I can't believe you would question the motives of John Herald and the late great Ralph Rinzler in recording "We need a whole lot more of Jesus", or was it Frank Wakefield, I forget? How about "Let's Talk Dirty In Hawaiian" by Fred Koller and John Prine? Concrete Road about the NJ Turnpike is a good one too, I know, I recorded it.

Subject: Lyr Add: DEAD PUPPIES (from Ogden Edsl)
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 11:02 AM

OK, here's one...learned it from Doctor Demento's Show...don't recall the author...people actually request this, BTW!

DEAD PUPPIES
As recorded by Ogden Edsl [band consisting of Bill Frenzer, Bill Carey, and Otis XII]
on “Mower of the Ogden Edsl” (1995)

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

They don't come when you call.
They don't chase squirrels at all.
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

My puppy died late last fall.
He's still rotting in the hall.
Dead puppies aren't much fun, no, no, no.

Mom says puppy's days are through.
She's going to throw him in the stew.
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Dead puppies, dead, dead, dead, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Come on everybody out there, sing along, okay?

Dead, dead, dead, dead, puppies, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

One more time for Roman Hruska!

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

* * * Cute, in sick sorta way...

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,BillyBoy
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 01:29 PM

Not sure whether anyone south of the line ever heard of this, but in Canada we had Terry Jack produce one of the ALL TIME NO. 1 HITS IN CANADA with "Seasons in the Sun", which I swear is the most revolting piece of crap you've ever heard in your life:

"We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time"(??????????)

...and so on. The thing is, though, it's got this insipid melody that you just cannot shake and you actually find yourself humming the bloody tune. I guess that is the mark of a truly "great" commercial tune. And if that's not enough, the B side is about some kid, his dog and a porkchop...honest. BB

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 05:43 PM

Bang on the Ear. I'm sorry, but' "I can see her to this day, stirring chicken soup"???? Talk about hard up for lyrics!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Johnny the Medicine
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:08 PM

ANY NEIL DIAMOND SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP YOU DONT BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE AND FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!THEY ROCK- LISTEN TO THEM STONED

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:09 PM

Hey, Molly! Careful now... that's one of my favorite songs.

"It started up in Leeds... it ended up in tears
But I send her my love, and a bang on the ear."

Of course, my opinions are all tempered by the well-known facts that 1) I am a big fan of MacArthur Park, and 2)I think Jim Morrison wrote some of the most perceptive lyrics in popular music and 3) Brandy, You're a Fine Girl moves me to tears. Yes, I'm serious.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Johnny the Medicine
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:10 PM

ANY NEIL DIAMOND SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP YOU DONT BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE AND FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!THEY ROCK- LISTEN TO THEM STONED

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:11 PM

Above post mine

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:19 PM

oh, don't get me wrong. I love the song! But come on. Everytime I hear that song (at least once or twice a week) I have laugh at that line. Who wrote that anyway?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:31 PM

EJ, I love "Brandy" it's such a sad song...I also think "MacArthur Park" has one of the best melodies of any song ever. And don't dis Neil Diamond--I love "Kentucky Woman" and "Sweet Caroline." It always makes me feel at home here in North Carolina.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 10:07 PM

Molly... the Waterboys are the perpetrators, on their album Fisherman's Blues. The title song is the one that kicked off the opening of Waking Ned Devine, and the rest of the album is a keeper as well.

"I don't care what he did with his women
I don't care what he did when he drank
If I could hear one note
From his lonesome old throat
Has anybody here seen Hank?"

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Midchuck
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 10:13 PM

Re the mention of Has Anybody Here Seen Hank, when my daughter was at Williams in the late '80s/early '90s, she told me that that record was popular, but her fellow students were confused by that song. They didn't have any idea whom it was about! Talk about the intellectual class being out of touch with their own country....

Peter.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 28 Jan 00 - 10:25 AM

Ok, Fisherman's Blues I know, but I'm not familiar with "Hank". Guess I'll have to borrow that CD.:) Honestly, I've never heard a cd of any of irish songs...it's all been live. (I lead a sheltered life.) :)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 09 Nov 00 - 11:45 PM

Don Meixner wrote adove "Mother The Queen of My Heart" by Jimmie Rodgers ... She said son son't start drinkin and gamblin, swear that you'll always go straight...

Lots of people know that I'm part of the small band of people trying to find missing tunes in the database. So when I found a dusty collection of Jimmie Rodgers songs, there it was, the original score for this song. With my sophisticated 21st century musical tastes I scoffed inwardly while I notated it, I read the corny words and had a quiet snigger to myself. Then I played it..and played it. I love it - it's simple but has a lot going for it in terms of possible interpretations. I wanted to play with the arrangement somewhat, but decided to leave it alone. I've sent the MIDI of the complete score to MMario for inclusion on the Mudcat MIDI Page.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,D_hand
Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:49 AM

what about 'Work your fingers to the bone, What da ya get? Boney Fingers Boney Fingers'!!!

or 'Are you in the top 40 of the Lordy, Lordy, Lordy? Will you be a hit in heaven Like you were on Earth?'

GREAT !!!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: L R Mole
Date: 10 Nov 00 - 08:40 AM

"Fish Heads" was written at least in part by Billy Mumy from "Lost in Space" (also the creepy kid from a couple of old "Twilight Zones"). For the football/creator metaphor, though, you can't beat "Let's give Jesus Christ the football, let him even up the score/Let him run it through the crossbars, half of which He's seen before".Martin Mull, I think.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Patsy Warren
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 07:03 AM

M m m my Sherona!! don't know what it means but always puts me in such a good mood.

Rock around the Clock it's an old one that keeps cropping up at family and festive functions but never fails to make me want to get up and have a go even though I cannot do Rock and Roll to save my life.

Leader of the Pack by the Shangri La's who were so chavvy before it became fashionable, but I still think of them with fondness.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 08:08 AM

Frank Mills from Hair.
Hysterical teenage angst.
"I love him
But it embarrasses me
To walk down the street with him..."

Gotta love it.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Gurney
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 08:21 PM

Country songs are well represented here! Another one was sung by Mr J. Cash.
There's a story in our town
'bout the prttiest girl around.
Hair of gold, and eyes of blue,
how those eyes could flash at you!
Boys hung 'round her by the score
but she loved the boy-next-door,
who worked at the candy store.

It doesn't get any better. By the end, you're joining in with "bloody candy store."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 12:05 PM

When I've written more than the title, I think my epic 'I've Been Getting Rid Of Everything That Reminds Me Of You (So I Suggest You Give It Ten Minutes Before You Go In There) should qualify.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 12:47 PM

Billy Connolly's "Country and Western Supersong." It really does have to be sung (or half-spoken) by Billy!

Yes my granny is a cripple in Nashville, friends
This story I tell you is true
One day she went out on her wheelchair
Never knowing it had a loose screw
Well a wheel came off of that wheelchair, friends
And on three wheels it trundled away
And it trundled right over the edge of a cliff
In an old seaside town far away

(Country and Western noises)

Now the boy who was pushing the wheelchair
Was a little blind orphan call Joe
And he said, "Oh where is my grannie?"
And where did that damn wheelchair go?"
Well he ran off to search for that wheelchair friends
But his sightless eyes led him astray
And he ran right over the edge of the cliff
In that old seaside town far away

(Country and Western noises)

Well somebody sent for a doctor
And an ambulance too, it was called
And the people who lived in the neighbourhood
Stood around and they cried, how they bawled
Well the doctor and the ambulance came rushing, friends
They were rushing from two different ways
And they crashed with a BIFF and shot over the cliff
In that old seaside town far away

(Country and Western noises)

Well they sent for brave Father Maloney
To pray for the poor souls' repose
And he said, "Well now that we're gathered here, good people,
We might as well pray I suppose"
But too many people had gathered
And the edge of the cliff gave way
And they dropped with a yell and they all shot straight to hell
In that old seaside town far away

(Country and Western noises)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Tim Leaning
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 05:03 PM

I know a song that'll get on your nerves
get on your nerves
get on your nerves
I know a song that'll get on your nerves
get on your nerves
get on your nerves
I know a song that'll get on your nerves
get on your nerves
get on your nerves
I know a song that'll get on your nerves
get on your nerves
get on your nerves
etc etc.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 05:51 PM

I have mentioned this on a couple of other threads, but for sheer bathos, IMO the line "Is this the way it always is in Baltimore?" is sufficient to put an entire song under the rubric of this thread.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 06:34 PM

For Harold Shipman (who killed off many of his patients):
Hey ho, Hey Ho, it's off to work I go,
With my stehoscope and my bag of dope,
Hey, ho, Hey ho, hey ho, etc....
(The verses are worse)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Taconicus
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 11:40 AM

I actually do remember hearing Dropkick Me Jesus on the radio when it first came out. This was before folk music stations regularly played on the East Coast, but I was living in St. Louis where they did. It was a real song, but I'm sure the authors (and the audience) understood the campy, tongue-in-cheek slant was done purposefully. Another in this vein was the wonderful Country hit How Can I Miss You, When You Won't Go Away?

But there have indeed been songs I remember whose lyrics were so bad--they were such howlers--that to me they'll always be classics. Most of them, predictably, were written by immature song writers at the dawn of the rock 'n roll era. One in particular that comes to mind was Patches, a 1962 "tragic" pop ballad by Dickey Lee. It was a real groaner about a guy who wouldn't date a poor girl because his mom and dad wouldn't let him -- so of course she kills herself. (Riiiight.)
__________________________________

PATCHES
by Dickey Lee (Royden Dickey Lipscomb)

Down by the river that flows by the coal yards
Stands wooden houses with shutters torn down
There lives a girl everybody calls Patches
Patches my darling of Old Shantytown.

We planned to marry when June brought the summer
I couldn't wait to make Patches my bride
Now I don't see how that ever can happen
My folks say No, and my heart breaks inside.

Patches oh what can I do
I swear I'll always love you
But a girl from that place would just bring me disgrace
So my folks won't let me love you.

Each night I cry as I think of that shanty
And pretty Patches there watching the door
She dosn't know that I can't come to see her
Patches must think that I love her no more.

I hear a neighbor tellin my father
He said a girl name of Patches was found
Floating face down in that dirty old river
That flows by the coal yards in Old Shanty Town.

Patches oh what can I do
I swear I'll always love you
It may not be right But I'll join you tonight
Patches I'm coming to you.
__________________________________

He wouldn't date her because Dad wouldn't like it, but of course he's quite willing to kill himself when she does - typical maudlin teenage boo-hoo sentimentality. HERE it is, if you want to howl along.

In a related vein, my memory holds a treasury of individual fat-headed lyric lines and other groaners. An example is the Beatles' "Fun is the one thing that money can't buy." (Oh, really?)

Then there were other lines that are bad on their face, but in context are very clever and I think they're great, like The Turtles' "Eleanor, gee i think you're swell, And you really do me well, You're my pride and joy, et cetera."

Love it. :-)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Taconicus
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 11:48 AM

And since someone mentioned Tay Bridge Disaster, one of the best in the genre of wonderfully bad poetry, I can't resist reciting my own "good bad poetry" submission, inspired by the truism (or so they want you to believe...) that there's no English word that rhymes with orange.

______________________________

I ate a tasty orange
And sucked upon a lozenge,
Then took the golden syringe
And dreamed of Stonehenge.

- Taconicus
;-p

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Celtaddict
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 12:29 PM

Taconius, you are right, that is breathtakingly awful.
'Patches' was madly popular when I was a kid at Girl Scout camp; I did not realize it was a (relatively) contemporary 'pop' song (didn't listen to the radio) but it was ultimately banned by the leaders, as was 'Brandy'--not 'Brandy, you're a fine girl' etc. but one that with a chorus 'Brandy, o-oh Brandy, Brandy my own' about 'a little Bahama girl' who 'had a baby just for me' and 'baby died and Brandy cried, cried so hard she was soon to die' and just typing this really causes me to identify with those Girl Scout leaders.
And Steve, I have only heard the Country Western Supersong ending 'in a seaside resort called Bray' sung by an Irish singer.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 02:58 PM

Here's the author singing Patches in 1999 .

Over the top, but in a restrained manner, an odd combination you only seem to find in that genre of music. I can see why people liked it, and evidently still do. In fact I found myself quite liking it, and I'd never heard it before, so it wasn't nostalgia.

Can't see anything too improbable in the story. Young lovers have been killing themselves because of parental opposition since long before Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Larry The Radio Guy
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 04:35 PM

I don't care for songs that get their humour out of looking at the surface of a genre (eg. C&W), then putting it down. Most of the so called C&W parodies I find quite boring, and they indicate a superficial understanding of country and western music.

That being said, one song I think might fit the "so bad it's brilliant" category is Mickey Newbury's "Just Dropped in To See What Condition My Condition Was In". Kenny Rogers & The First Edition's version of it was OK, but Mickey Newbury's is brilliant He even has a Vanilla Fudge dirge like "Mary Had a Little Lamb" line thrown in.

The song is very funny--yet such an incredibly accurate depiction of the "psychedelic experience" depicted in many songs of the late 60's.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: olddude
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 04:44 PM

Flying purple people eater

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,I'm not here, right?
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 03:24 PM

"They took you away I'm glad, I'm glad" by 'Josephine', on a CD I've just bought (The Answer To Everything). It's in reply to "They're coming to take me away ha ha" by Napoleon XIV. It's even more bonkers than the original. but it made me laugh.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Larry The Radio Guy
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 03:54 AM

Just a couple clarifications:

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away isn't actually a country song. It was recorded by Dan Hicks and the Hot Licks and is more of a "hippie swing". Definitely doesn't have a C&W melody.

And Joe F's reference to That's the way it always is in Baltimore" is probably a reference to "Those Dance Hall Girls" by Fraser and Debolt, off their first lp (which is apparently quite hard to find).

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Patsy.Warren
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 06:00 AM

Gene Pitney's '24 hours from Tulsa' listening to it as a little girl and even now makes me so angry that the song implies that while travelling home he couldn't resist the charms of woman he met on the way home(bull!). The song must have planted seeds of doubt in the minds of women everywhere about what their man was really up to when working away, doing overtime etc. It makes me mad but I do like singing along to it. Dusty Springfield I believe had a version of it too.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 07:50 AM

My selection.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 06:18 PM

Larry Saidman: Yep, that's the one. The line actually appears as a question, as I quoted it. It is a question that invites easy wise-ass answers, such as: "No. There is documentary evidence of Baltimoreans whose love affairs have resulted in long-lasting, happy marriages. And if you are insinuating that the likes of you would have better luck in Philadelphia or New York, you are almost certainly mistaken."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Patsy Warren
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 06:30 AM

>Frank Mills from Hair.
Hysterical teenage angst.
"I love him
But it embarrasses me
To walk down the street with him<

How many of us can identify with those words? I was just thinking that about my teenage son, lol!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: ruairiobroin
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 09:06 AM

I'm faitly sure Shay Healy "Old Seaside Town Far Away" that was recorded by Billy Connolly

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: ruairiobroin
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 09:09 AM

Apologies for above, I'm fairly sure I could do with typing lessons and that Shay Healy wrote Old Seaside Town Far Away which was recorded by Billy Connolly

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 06:30 PM

Regarding 'Patches' by Dicky Lee - I used to have a copy of an English release of this. I can't recall the label, but it was one of those white label promotional copies with a big red A on the A side.

This versin omitted the last verse (which I have never heard until now) so that, in effect, Patches does not kill herself but her boyfriend merely goes to see her despite parental disapproval.

This editing was done, presumably, to make the story more acceptable, although it certainly lessens the impact.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Lash LaRue
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:23 PM

Saw and heard the songwriter Paul Craft (if memory serves)
perform "Drop Kick Me, Jesus" at Convocation Hall, U. of Toronto.
Cannot remember what year; late 'Seventies?

He opened for (a stage-frightened?) JJ Cale, who sat and played a very funky, customized
guitar almost entirely out of sight -in the back line with the amps- of the audience.


Lash LaRue

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Lash LaRue
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:43 PM

"Nothing" by the Fugs was translated/adapted from the original Yiddish "Bulbes" ("Potatos") by band-member, the recently-departed Tuli Kupferberg, O"H.

muntig bulbes, dinstig bulbes
mitvokh un donershtik, bulbes . . .

(Monday, potatos; Tuesday, potatos.
Wednesday and Thursday, potatos . . .)

Lash LaRue

Subject: RE: Songs that are so bad they're brilliant
From: GUEST,Mary Knickle
Date: 06 Jun 21 - 07:33 AM

Squished Through the Garlic Press of Life is being recorded as we speak.   I recently revived it with a 3 female trio called Foxfire and will be releasing it soon.