Worst pop song ever!

Subject: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:10 PM

To qualify for this prestigious award, the song has to be intended seriously on its own level. In other words, it can't be a novelty song like "Gitarzan" or "Winchester Cathedral", and it can't be a parody. It has to be a completely unintentional violation of all that is tasteful, meaningful and legitimate in the field of serious songwriting.

My nomination is: "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill.

The field is now open...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:12 PM

No no please no! Not this thread! Have we ever had, by the way, a "Worst Folk Song" thread?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: jeffp
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:12 PM

MacArthur Park, by Richard Harris

jeffp

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Gern
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:24 PM

Formidable start with Dan Hill, but the field is still wide open. I am tempted toward "Having My Baby"("And Don't You Forget It, Neither") by Paul Anka.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,The Invisible Blazoona
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:24 PM

"Havin' My Baby" by Paul Anka

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:29 PM

"Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" by Lobo (Roland Kent Lavoie)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:31 PM

We certainly did have a Worst song competition here at leat 2-3 years ago. I can't find the thread at the moment, but if I recall correctly from my compilation of the votes, the top five were: Macarthur Park, The Wedding Song, Having My Baby, Tie a Yellow Ribbon, and Kumbaya. There were many honourable mentions.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Kim C
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:33 PM

I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new key.... wasn't the girl's name Melanie or something?

I don't know if this counts as a novelty song or not, but does anyone remember, about 1978-9 or so, a song called Telephone Man? It went, hey baby I'm your telephone man/if you show me where you want it then I'll put it where I can/you can have it with a buzz you can have it with a ring/and if you really want it you can have a dingaling...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:37 PM

Mbo, clicky here for a list of people's least favorite folky songs.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:38 PM

Oh God,,, I thought I'd got rid of that blasted song for ever, but no, here it is where you least expect it!!!

Bloody telephone man.... mind you, was it as bad as 'kissing with confidence'?

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:39 PM

Down Town da da de da de dum!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:47 PM

Hey, I LOVE Downtown.... Les Barker's new book has a great parody of it, called Downstairs.. had me in hysterics again!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:49 PM

I don't think "MacArthur Park" quit fits the definition of a seriously intended song lyric...but I could be wrong, I suppose.

"Having My Baby" is indeed a killer. Hard to beat. Curiously enough, Paul Anka's very next hit (again in a deathless duet with Odia Coates) was "One Man Woman"..."you caught me foolin' around with somebody new, you caught me foolin' around, now I'm losin' you...". This is ironical. Apparently his interest in the new mother and child situation flagged rather rapidly...if you can believe the songs.

Don't nominate William Shatner doing "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" or anything else either...those cannot be called serious renditions of songs.

Here's another nomination: "You And Me Against The World" I think it was by Helen Reddy, wasn't it?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Peter T.
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:50 PM

Thanks Jeri, that one brings back memories (shudder), but there were two or three continuations -- this seems to be a perennial topic. I wonder where my final compilation list is..... Dave Barry in the interim published a book of his favourite worsts.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:51 PM

Ah well Liz me luv, I love Pet Clarke, but I still think that song is awful. It just screeches, like fingernails on a blackboard.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:51 PM

Hey Little Girl.

Wives should always be lovers too.

Yeh.

:p

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:53 PM

Anybody remember "Timothy?" About the guys trapped in a mine or something and eating a mule. (At least I heard it was a mule, but I don't remember anything about livestock in the song.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 04:54 PM

I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me... or as we sang it, I've never been to Leeds.... dreadful or what?

And anything by Sheena Easton..... I don't give a s**t what your baby does on that sodding morning train!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:01 PM

"Killing me softly with his song"" Give me a break!

But the ALL TIME WORST!!!!
FEEEEELLLLLIIIINNNGGSSSS WHOA WHOA WHOA FFFFFEEEEELLLLIIINNNGGSS WHOA WHOA WHOA FFFEEEEEEEEEELLLLLIIINNNGGGSSSS...are there any other words to this?

Honey is in there too.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:10 PM

Grandma we love you??

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:12 PM

Downtown by a head yuk!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:15 PM

Jeri, Timothy was a song by a band named Dubois, and it was about a guy and his two friends Joe and Timothy. they get trapped in a mine, like you said, they were incredibly hungry. They pass out and then wake up not hungry anymore and "nobody ever got around to finding Timothy"!!!! the chorus....

Timothy, Timothy, Where on earth did you go, Timothy, Timothy, God why don't I know....

One of my favorite cannibal songs. OK, it's the ONLY cannibal song I know!!

Another nomination, how about "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" by (I think) the 1910 Bubble gum Company, or something like that....

Frank

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:25 PM

Yeah, I think FEEEELINGGS!!! is the worst, by golly. This will be a big letdown for Paul Anka fans.

I did a parody of "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" entitled "Strange Girls Keep Landing In My Bed". It's full of exaggerations, fanciful inventions, and outright lies...but it's fun to sing.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:29 PM

Well, at least this is a before-my-time thing. I can say that I have never heard "Feelings" before. Also, if you don't listen to the radio, you won't have anything to complain about.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:32 PM

Oh Mbo - you are missing out on such wonderful songs as 'The Streak' by Ray Stevens, 'I wish I could fly' by Keith Harris and Orville, 'the Birdie Song' by some twit, and 'Two little Boys' by Rolf Harris. You really ought to listen to the radio more...

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,emily b
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:34 PM

How about "Oh, Micky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Micky! Hey Micky!" It was a 1980's cheerleader-y early predecessor to rap, or something. Almost hate to even call it a song. But it does have a good dance beat...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:35 PM

Yes, "Timothy" is on the list of all-time great songs about cannibalism; in fact it might be the list. "Yummy, Yummy" was by the 1910 Fruitgum Company, a group made up of studio musicians. I think revenge was the motive.

I can't imagine a worse song than "I am Woman" (hear me roar, though I'm such a crashing bore) by the inimitable Helen Reddy. Although "For All the Girls" by Willie and Julio Iglesias is right up there. And the list goes ever onward.

FLASH!! I think I've just discovered my "special purpose" in life. I'm going to write a song that is so-o-o-o-o bad that it ends discussions like these forever. It'll have to be sincere. It'll have to be timeless. It'll have to make children dance, women cry, and grown men go "oh sh*t". And it'll be a smash hit. Sorry, I gotta go. I'm on a mission that may last a lifetime. If anyone has any suggestions on what I should put in my song (although I won't really be writing it, I'll just be the vessel), maybe we can start another thread.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jed at Work
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:38 PM

Hands down, it's gotta be:

I Write the Songs

Not that som eof these others aren't real stinkers, but Barry's beast has got to be the very worst the world has ever known!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:41 PM

Liz, "The Streak" is a classic! I know just about every Ray Stevens song imaginable. "Bridget the Midget" is a classic. I can do all the voices.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Burke
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:50 PM

God didn't make little green apples!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 05:56 PM

Pseudolus/Frank, I went looking for lyrics (didn't find 'em) and found a sound clip by The Bouys.(sp?) I remember watching an interview with the guy who wrote it, and he claimed it was a mule. Maybe he was getting too much flak for a cannibal song. (Damn - what did he do with the leftover bits?)

Both "Yummy Yummy" and "Chewy Chewy" were 1910 Fruitgum Co hits. They were pretty bad songs (gave rise to the term "bubble-gum rock" though.) The songs got me some free popcorn during a theater showing of "Night of the Living Dead." Apparently my friend's stomach couldn't handle both the movie and me singing those songs and giggling. (I was about 14. The lyrics went "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got mom in my tummy...")

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:00 PM

Anything by Oasis!!! ;-)

Jon

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Morticia
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:01 PM

You've forgotten the immortal classics " Chirpy,Chirpy, Cheep, Cheep" and "Boom, Bang-a Bang" although for sheer vomitsome cringeworthiness, my vote has to be with " Save Your Kisses for Me".........yyyeeeuuuchh........if this squirrels you are in sooo much trouble, Little Hawk.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:07 PM

"Oh What a Lonely Boy" I forget who sang it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:15 PM

Bartholomew, for your lyrics you should use all of the song titles in this thread. It would have to be a hit.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:15 PM

But Earl, that's a great song! You gotta hear the Blackhawk version...it's got a banjo in it. JON!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:17 PM

34 messages in less than 2 hours - is this a record?

(OK - sorry - I suppose it could be called thread creep)

Rana

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:18 PM

and 2 more came while I was typing - I know I'm slow...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:23 PM

Mbo, Unless you're just pulling my chain it cant be the same song. The one I'm thinking of is whiney and self-pitying and always on my car radio in the 70's.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:27 PM

Blackhawk did a peppy version with a banjo, just 2 years ago. And yes, it was the same song!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 06:35 PM

Abraham, Martin and John, by Dion. PLEASE look at this web site. And if it doesn't make you puke, try this one or this one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:34 PM

God forgive me, I looked. It made me think of another category: songs that sound ok until you hear them about a thousand times like "Margaritaville" or "Bye bye Miss American Pie"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:34 PM

Any of Poison's hits from the late 80s-early 90s. I Want Action, Talk Dirty To Me, etc. Pure crap.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:47 PM

*thread creep warning*

Remember "Convoy"? Well the guy who did it also did a great song about Alferd Packer (and yes, I spelled it right) the only man ever convicted of cannibalism in Colorado. The chorus went something like:

Comin' back for more, he's a comin' back for more
Al's Cafe

So that's one more for the cannibals!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:52 PM

God, I love it! The cringeworthiness just goes on and on. How about "Hey, Little Red Riding Hood".

Lepus, I have GOT to hear some of that Poison stuff now. I will try to find some at the Salvation Army store or something. Fear and loathing in Schenectady....

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 07:55 PM

Rabbit, C.W. McCall sang "Convoy" as well as some other classics. I think I know them all by heart. I liked "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" by Poison.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:04 PM

Little Hawk - you're in Schenectady! I grew up in Alplause!

BTW, I used to LOVE "Little Red Riding Hood!!!" (Sam the Sham and the Pharoes, eh?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:05 PM

To me, the worst form of song (whatever genre) is something I loath that still manages to get lodged in my brain and rattle round there to torment me.

Telephone Man is one such song and it managed to do it on more than one occasion, the last time being as a result of someone in uk.music.folk asking who sung it (I provided the answer but it has gone). He ended up with the same problem as me (hating it and stuck in his head). Take care KimC incase the same fate awaits you ;-)

As for Brand New Pair Of RollerSkates - Who did the Brand New Combine Harvester - The Wurzels?

Jon

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:28 PM

T'was Adge Cutler and the Wurzels, that did the Combine Harvester Song, Jon.

Rana

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:30 PM

Yes Jon - Wurzels.

Let me also take the time to mention Neil Diamond. Let me offer "I Am I Said," which has got some ridiculous lyrics and also manages to "squirrel."
I am I said (I'm not going to argue)
To no one there (uh...whatever)
And no one heard at all (are you surprised?) Not even the chair (duh)

(And Alplaus doesn't have an "e.")

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:30 PM

Actually, I'm not IN Schenectady...I just like using the name sometimes cos it's so weird. I'm in Orillia, Ontario.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 08:38 PM

Thread creep. Oh well, Little Hawk (I thought you were in Canada) Now you can use "Alplaus" - means "eel place." Kurt Vonnegut Jr (who?) used to live on my street, but moved shortly after I was born. Hope it wasn't me...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 09:30 PM

"He's so fine" is a really horrible song that I used to love. Then I discovered the lyrics. Ugh! The rhymes are amateurish, and the third verse really hasn't a clue. I still like singing the "do-lang do-lang-do-lang" part though.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 10:03 PM

My Dingaling by Chuck Berry was one of the worst songs ever written AND his biggest hit! Consider....Maybelline,Johnny B Goode,Hail Rock n Roll,Oh Carol,none of these even approached the success of My Dingaling. What does this say about public taste?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lucius
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 10:32 PM

Put silver wings on my son's chest. Sgt. Barry Saddler's Battle Hymn of the Green Beret is worse than Dominique by the Singing Nun, and both are worse than Honey (did someone already enter Little Green Apples?)

Lucius

Subject: Lyr Add: TIMOTHY
From: Pseudolus
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 10:34 PM

Jeri, Here's Timothy. You know what? It definitely belongs on this list!

Trapped in a mine that had caved in
And everyone knows the only ones left
Were Joe and me and Tim

When they broke through to pull us free
The only ones left to tell the tale
Were Joe and me

CHORUS 1: Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go?
Timothy, Timothy, God why don't I know?

Hungry as hell no food to eat
And Joe said that he would sell his soul
For just a piece of meat
Water enough to drink for two
And Joe said to me, "I'll have a swig
And then there's some for you."

CHORUS 2: Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you
Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do?

I must have blacked out just around then
'Cause the very next thing that I could see
Was the light of the day again
My stomach was full as it could be
And nobody ever got around
To finding Timothy

CHORUS 1: Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go?
Timothy, Timothy, God why don't I know?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:00 PM

Yup, Mbo, it was C. W. McCall, but my brain wasn't in gear. (since I was at work.)

How about "Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport" for pop songs that really should have never managed to get air time. If memory serves me, the music included someone bending back and forth a piece of tile to get the woop woop noises.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:14 PM

I love Tie Me Kangaroo Down! Tan me hide when I've died, Clyde...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:28 PM

"96 Tears", "Wham Bam Shang A Lang", anything by the Bay City Rollers, "Chain Gang", "Eve of Destruction", "Under My Thumb" and that stupid "Bird is the Word"!!!!! This could go on FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:34 PM

Let me be the first to second Sinsull's nomination of "Feelings" as the all-time number one puke-a-thon, and I would like to add "I Did it My Way" as a contender. Give me a good old cannibal song any day.

Is it too late to add a sub-catagory for WORST BEATLES SONG ? My pick would be Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

(Totally off topic -- new Beatles parody: We All Died in a Russian Submarine, a Russian submarine ... )

WORST ELVIS SONG, a toss-up between Return to Sender, and Viva Las Vegas.

=== Johnny in Oklahoma City

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jeri
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:37 PM

Pseudolus, thanks. Thanks a lot. I really mean it. (I still think there would be bones or eyeballs or something left over, and if Tim were an average sized human, they would have had to each eat about 90 pounds. A mule would be even more.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: sheba
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:44 PM

"My Way", yuck!...isn't there a line, "I chewed it up and spit it out." (Somehow there is a tie in to Timothy here). How could Frank Sinatra sing that line?

Another one: a song from a 45 that my pubescent neighbor used to play,"D.O.A" ("Dead On Arrival," I was told). Sound of an ambulance,a lethargic male voice, and dread, is all I remember.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Aug 00 - 11:48 PM

I like "My Way"...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:24 AM

Russian Submarine parody???? Not funny at all!!!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Airto
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 06:57 AM

Lonesome EJ,

I was going to say exactly the same thing as you about My Ding A Ling. I can't stand it, especially coming as it does from one of the greats.

Gilbert O'Sullivan has a lot to answer for as well. Of his many contenders I would nominate Claire.

But for sheer sliminess I think the Julio Iglesias nomination above (For All the Girls I've Loved Before) gets my vote.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 07:18 AM

Anything by the godawful Beautiful South. And Cherry Pie by Warrant (also contender for the so-cheesey-it's-stilton) video awards.
Oh, and that song that goes "No milk today, my love has gone away". Terrible.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 07:25 AM

aga bloody doo

the birdie song

and oops up side yur head

and so on

(any songs that require drunk people to do actions to)

arghhhh twitch twitch

Worst folk song...

Whisky in the jar - our band are sick SICK SICK I SAY

of being asked to sing it.

oh okay, the really worst song is I'll neer marry (or something like that - the old maid song)

or and are you going to Scarborough fair... noooooooooooo!

Ella

Don't mind me I am having a bad week at work

twitch twitch

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 07:54 AM

Oh, "American Pie," "Horse With No Name" (aaaaaaahhhhhhh!), "MacArthur Park," and "Ballad of the Green Berets." And add to it "Eve of Destruction" which was closely followed by an "answer" song, "Dawn of Correction," also hideous.

Guess you can tell when my pre-listening mostly to trad days were.

Bat Goddess

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: P05139
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:12 AM

GUEST, emily b, "Mickey" was covered by Lolly last year and it got to Number 4 in the UK charts.

Mind you, if you want rubbish pop songs, what about Vanilla's "No Way, No Way". The chorus went somethinglike this: "No way, no way/ mnuh mnah/ Not today/ Don't get fresh with me!"

They are now looking for another record deal! No surprise there!

Daphne and Celeste songs are rubbish too. I mean "Ooh stick you/ Your mamma too/ And your daddy!" Or " U.G.L.Y. you ain't got no alibi/ You ugly/ Hey hey you ugly!"

PLEASE send them down the dumper and bring back brilliant bands like North And South!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: LR Mole
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:17 AM

Neurons that fired instead of something I could have used up there :D.O.A was, appropriately enough, done by Bloodrock."No Milk Today" was from the fade of Herman's Hermits, and equated milk delivery with continued fidelity, I think, unless I'm missing something. "Dawn of Correction" was done by The Spokesmen, presumably to chastise all us malcontents. But my personal nomination goes to Nervous Norvous for "Transfusion": "Transfusion, transfusion, just gonna make a new resolution: never never never gonna speed again; pump the blood in me, bud." (Later: "Shoot the juice to me, Bruce.") Take that, Mr. Bogle.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:28 AM

Pedant here - Adge was late and lamented when the Wurzels recorded the Combine Harvester. All Adge's work was original or traditional - Combine Harvester was a parody.

How about some of the Goodies "hits" - 'the Inbetweenies', was one (yes, OK I have it somewhere....) but 'Father Christmas do not touch me' should have been buried at a crossroads with a stake through it.....

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:31 AM

And I don't CARE how long you've been living next door to f**king Alice.....

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:37 AM

Maybe we should approach Ktel and see if we can get them to release a boxed set including all of the above tunes. Walmart could sell it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:39 AM

Knowing our luck it would be a best seller and we'd never be rid of the bloody tunes!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Shanti
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:55 AM

Agree wholeheartedly with Havin' My Baby and Feelings. And I'd like to add Sh-Boom (from the 50s) by, I think it was the Crewcuts, Stand By Your Man, and that awful song by, I don't even remember who, about loving two men at the same time. What WAS the name of that thing?! That's how awful I thought it was, can't even remember who sang it or the title. Feelings must rank up there with the most OVERDONE song in the world too. Oh, and here's another one...Strangers in the Night (doo-bee-doo-bee-doo). Heard a DJ after playing that song say, "Even Sinatra can't get away with doo-bee-doo-bee-doo!"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Rana who SHOULD be working
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:24 PM

LtS,

I stand corrected - the combine harvester came out in 1976, 2 years after Adge's untimely death - so pedant away.

Rana

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Pseudolus
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:50 PM

I hate to admit it, but I like American Pie....there, I said it!! And if I did it as a Guest, I would call myself Gutless with occasional bad taste. There ya go....at least I'm not gutless....

Also, as a confirmed Parrothead, I can put up with Margaritaville sung by the right singer.....sheesh, kinda like "True Confessions" isn't it!!!

And when I was four....oh nevermind....enough for now!

Frank

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:52 PM

Aww...c'mon...I like "Horse With No Name." Silly lyrics, yeah, but it's still cool. I only discovered America (the band) less than a year ago.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 12:59 PM

Let's add "Afternoon Delight" == Johnny in OKC

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:13 PM

After the Loving.

Shannon (about that dog who drifted out ot sea)

There's Got To Be A Morning After.

Guns And Roses cover of Knockin' on Heavens Door.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Tiger
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:13 PM

"Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'round the Old Oak Tree"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Tiger
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:18 PM

"Lady in Red"

"Cherish"

"Precious and Few"

"Up, Up and Away in my Beautiful Balloon"

"Muskrat Love"

(Anything by Fifth Dimension)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: coriander
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:29 PM

I vaguely remember a dreadful one from the late 80s which went "Gonna write a classic, gonna write it in an attic....", or maybe it was a bad dream! Can't remember who did it though.

cori

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,guinnesschik
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 01:42 PM

I've got to add my two cents. I think "Teen Angel" is the most deplorable song I have EVER heard.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: DougR
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 02:02 PM

Shanti: Are you thinking of "Torn Between Two Lovers?" Feeeeeeeeeliiiiiiings gets my vote for the very worst but a lot of good bad ones have been listed. DougR

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 02:08 PM

JAYSUS KEERICED!!!!

I take the kid to the doctor and I find this!!!! MacArthur Park is right up there.......Who the hell would leave a cake out in the rain and then sing about it???.........And Leej, I agree and did you know that My Dingaling was a Side B throwaway? Unbelieveable.

BUT.....I can't believe this thread has come this far and I can find no mention (maybe I missed it) of the worst, most sappy, stomach turning, cookie tossing, piece of tripe ever to spin on a turntable.............

HONEY

Is there actually anything worse than this? My Dingaling sounds positively brilliant by comparison and I'm ready to go eat soggy-ass cake to avoid hearing it!!!!!! I have some nice alternate words, but.......It should have come with a warning label..........

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 03:30 PM

Where are the links?

Hey, why don't you guys provide some links to the songs you have nominated? I did - see above. Several of the songs mentioned here are unfamiliar to me. How am I supposed to judge which is worst? People seem to be having fun with this thread. Think how much more fun it can be to read the actual words, especially when someone has taken the trouble to build a virtual shrine to a song, as they did for "Abraham, Martin, and John."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 03:40 PM

Sorry here's the lyrics to Downtown but it's that awful melody that screws it up.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Max
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 03:42 PM

I'm Too Sexy... For The Mudcat.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Diva
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 04:00 PM

Shuddupa your face Joe Dolce. I have a notion that the worst records compilation has been done and recently.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 04:01 PM

That awful one by the Bells. I think it was called "I think I'm going to stay with you awhile"

The chorus was: "how he makes me quiver, how he makes me smile, with al the love I have to give him, I guess I'm gonna stay with him awhile" Yuch.

My kids are Britney Spears fans, they played me her cover of the Rolling Stones classic 'Satisfaction' the other day. Bloody Awful!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Krause
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 04:05 PM

My nomination has to be for McArthur Park. I nominate this one for its mixed metaphors, bad metaphors
Some one left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took too long to bake it
And I'll never have the receipe again
Oh no
OH YUCK! Soddy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Morticia
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 04:15 PM

Hang on......hasn't anyone nominated 'Leader of the Pack' yet??? Come on guys, you're just not trying! I met him in a candy store You get the picture? Yes, we see That's when I fell for the leader of the pack (Blurp)I hope someone is going to supply bisodol with this thread, my stomach hurts.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 05:02 PM

Oh! Oh! You are so, so cruel. How can you badmouth a work of genius like McArthur Park? No song (except possibly "Gates Of Eden"...) has reached such levels of metaphorical magnificence as McArthur Park. And in so few words.

It's not about a cake, you Philistines! It's about a relationship. A really deep one. You know, like when the limousine driver in Spinal Tap is talking about Sinatra...("When you've loved and lost like Frank has...") That kind of deep. The kind that gets a guy to write a song like "My Way". Ouch.

"I don't think that I can take it
Cos it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Ohhhh, NOOOOO...."

What could be deeper and more metaphorical than that?

Lest I lose the spirit of this thread, I wish to contribute another truly annoying song that just won't go away! Murray McLauglin's "The Farmer Song". "Straw hat and dirty old..."

He should be keelhauled for recording that one.

'Nuff said.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Krause
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 05:13 PM

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! :-{}

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 06:01 PM

Another nomination! And a "shrine" web site to go with it!

It's "Three Bells", a hit by "The Browns" in 1959.

(Bung, bung, bung, bung)
All the chapel bells were ringing
In the little valley town
And the song that they were singing
Was for baby Jimmy Brown …

By the way, one of the web sites I found indicated that the original version was in French, and had been sung by Edith Piaf. Nana Mouskouri also recorded it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Merlin
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 06:11 PM

How about the theam to Titanic, "My Heart Will Go On"? That song sucked! Actually, a friend of mine did a funny parody by changing the h in heart to f, and removing the e, but never mind.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Blackjack
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 06:49 PM

From a musical perspective, probably the worst ,most grating pop tune ever for me is that gawdawful "We Built this City on Rock and Roll" by Jefferson Starship. It sounds like they got up one morning and had a meeting with the record company execs and decided that they were writing a tribute to rock by noon no matter what. While on a break, one of them passed a tv and subconsciously picked up the riff to a breakfast cereal advertisement for children. Because they were all so uninspired that morning, this spot (played on a seemingly endless loop) ended up being their song.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:00 PM

We used to sing 'now the chapel lead is missing....'.. it went on into a whole verse, but how about Grocer Jack then? That was nauseating = a song about an old guy having a heart attack and all the villagers moaning because they couldn't get their tea or butter!!

LTS

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Shanti
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:39 PM

Yes! DougR...that's the name of the song! Always hated it...from the first time I heard it. Almost as much as I hated Havin' My Baby! YUCH!!!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: celticblues5
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 08:52 PM

Oooooooooooh, my, sooooooooooo much dreck to choose from. I'd have to agree with 99.999% of the above-mentioned. But how can everyone overlooked "You Light Up My Life" by the inimitable Debbie Boone (dau. of Pat)?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Pork Belly
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:03 PM

How about Donovan? Sunshine Superman? Oh, now someone is gonna say, "But I LIKE Donovan."

Dumbest lyric: How about Neil Diamond "No one heard at all, not even the chair."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:21 PM

YEP! I love Donovan! Sunshine Superman rocks!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: richlmo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:45 PM

Do You Like Pina Coladas by whoever the Hell that was!! Really makes me want to heave when I hear it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: gillymor
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:49 PM

Play Spirit in the Sky for John Lee Hooker and then try to tell him that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.And Mbo, if you ever did hear "Feelings" I have no doubt you'd love it *g*.

F

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:50 PM

Actually, the song is called "Escape".

Subject: Lyr Add: FEELINGS (Morris Albert)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 09:58 PM

I think I ought to post the lyrics to "Feelings," just so you all know how absolutely horrible this song is (although MacArthur Park comes a close second)
-Joe Offer-

---

Feelings
(Music & Lyrics : Morris Albert)

Feelings, nothing more than feelings,
trying to forget my feelings of love.
Teardrops rolling down on my face,
trying to forget my feelings of love.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feel you again in my arms.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
and feelings like I've never have you again in my heart.

Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it.
I wish I've never met you, girl; you'll never come again.

Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you
and feelings like I've never have you again in my life.

Feelings, wo-o-o feelings,
wo-o-o, feelings again in my arms.
Feelings...(repeat & fade)

---

Anybody remember when AT&T picked this as their theme song for an ad campaign? Need I say more?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 10:25 PM

Edith Piaf was accompanied by the inimitable "Les Compagnons de la Chanson" on her 1946 recording of "Les Trois Cloches"(The Three Bells).Have you all forgotten "Les Compagnons" French version of "Down By the Riverside"? It deserves some mention as an example of ersatz folk kitsch.

Incidentally, "Havin' My Baby", "One Man Woman" and "My Way" were all written by the obviously gifted Paul Anka-- he has the knack to keep us comin' back!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 10:32 PM

Yeah, "teen angel" sucks! You can't even have fun makin' fun o'that one.

Me and my mother used to have soooo much fun singing the awful chick songs from the 50s & 60s.
We'd sing em in a totally saccharine tone, and crack up laughing halfway through. Stuff like leader of the pack, be my baby, my boyfriend's back, chapel of love, the boy from new york city... (I have decided not to dignify these horrible songs with Title Case Capitals.)

Does anyone have a good version of the "laundry" parody of "my boyfriend's back" - please post?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bugsy
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 10:33 PM

"BOOOOOOOORN IN THE U. S. A.! I was, BOOOOOOOORN IN THE U. S. A!"

YUK!!!!!!!

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 10:34 PM

Coming back or regurgitating?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 10:39 PM

Um, actually, "My Way" is French. And you're right Bugsy. "Born In The USA" never struck me as that interesting. I like "Glory Days" better.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: jamesohill
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:25 PM

HAW! this is fun! and painful! My god, I remember almost all of them mentioned so far and am filled with the disturbing urge to learn them and inflict them on innocent friends--AH-HAA-HA-HA-HA!

I'd like to second "Chirpy-chirpy Cheep-cheep" I remember thinking that song was stupid when I was about 8 years old, and it's held up very well. Also, in the sub-category of Actually Offensive stupid pop songs, I'd like to nominate "Black Betty", by the mercifully defunct Ram Jam, from some time in the late 70's.

something like: [drums-n-bass] oh-oh black betty, blam-ba-lam, she's always ready, blam-ba-lam (no, really, i'm not kidding) born in birmingham, blam-ba-lam, way down in Alabam', blam-ba-lam oh-oh black betty! [catchy distorted guitar riff] black betty had a child, blam-ba-lam th' damn thing gone wild, blam-ba-lam gone out of her mind, blam-ba-lam, the damn thing gone blind, blam-ba lam oh-oh black betty! [more metal riffage] etc, etc.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:28 PM

You do know that a Black Betty is a landmine, don't you? It's also known as a Bouncing Betty.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 23 Aug 00 - 11:36 PM

So, this is the future of Mudcat? We've abandoned all the "I like" threads, and now all we have is "I hate 'x' kind of music" or "Worst 'x' song". This thread has been running for 2 days, and has 116 posts. The "What's Your Favorite Tom Paxton Song?" has been up a few hours and has 9 posts. I think I know where this place is going.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:23 AM

English lyrics to "My Way" were written by Paul Anka, music by Jacques Revaux. Also, apparently, "Timothy" was written by Rupert Holmes, giving him an honorable mention here, with two songs.

Incidentally, that "Black Betty" is a reworking of an old prison song, "Black Betty" being the name of the transfer wagon that took prisoners to the pennitentiary. "Black Betty's in the bottom, let your hammer ring".

My references on these items are: for lyrics, "Who Wrote That Song" by Dick Jacobs, Betterway Publications, 1988, and for Black Betty, "The Land Where Blues Began" by our own, beloved, Alan Lomax, Delta, 1993.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:24 AM

Now don't begrudge us our fun, Mbo. I have had a slight sore throat for a day and a half now (happens occasionally), so I went to bed at 5 pm today, instead of going out to see Rick Kane sing at Finnegan's...but I couldn't resist getting back up at midnight to check this thread. I don't actually know very many Tom Paxton songs. I could start a similar thread (favourite song of...) for Dylan or Buffy Sainte-Marie, I suppose. Maybe I will presently.

Hesperis - you should've been at song circle about 4 months ago. Seems to me that John Ashe sang "Teen Angel" in a particularly heart-rending version, taking the occasional VICIOUS swipe at his guitar strings at unexpected moments. I think he was serious. He likes (loves) songs about tragic death on the highway...or anywhere else, for that matter. Too bad ya missed it. He does another one called "Wreck On The Highway", but it's a lot older and more traditional sounding...must be by Woody Guthrie or Jimmie Rodgers one of those guys from back then.

How about "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To"? Excuse my dignifying it with capitals...

How about "Seasons In The Sun" by Terry Jacks? Or anything whatsoever by Three Jacks And A Jill?

As for "My Heart Will Go On", I was astonished to hear 3 young Cuban girls sing it one day...in English. They are not immune to the power of North American media there, although they get a whole lot less of it than we do. It was kind of sweet the way they did the song, but that was different down there. Now that I'm back in Canada I can definitely do without hearing it again.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:28 AM

My vote is split between "Tell Laura I Love Her" and "Patches".

Back off Meebo. Us geezers use threads like this to re-live the old days. You will notice that no one dissed ELO and as for Tom Paxton, I don't really have a favorite. I like all his work.

And I'll say so on the proper thread thereby bringing the total to 17 hits.

So how 'bout it ladies and gents (you too Spaw)? Lets all hit the Paxton thread and show Mbo that we,too, can be socially aware!

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:37 AM

These threads give us a chance to blow off steam harmlessly.

Let me add "Send in the Clowns" ... it makes NO SENSE whatsoever, out of context with the show.

And tho' I'm a Democrat, I'm getting pret-ty tired of "Don't -- Stop -- Thinkinabout Tomorrow". (Note to Brits and Euros: it's Bill Clinton's hook.)

== Johnny in Oklahoma City

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: P05139
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:43 AM

DON'T KNOCK SEASONS IN THE SUN!!!! Mind you, I've not heard the original and I'm basing my support for it on the Westlife Version that was Christmas and Millennium Number One over here. It was also Number One for my 16th birthday along with thier version of I Have A Dream!

Mind you, Sisqo's "Thong Song" is total rubbish. He can take his thong, th-thong, thong, thong and stick it!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:56 AM

Oh no! Not "Patches" by Clarence Carter? That's an AMAZING SONG!!! It was actually written by The Chairmen of The Board. Clarence & The Chairmen are really big here in Eeastern NC. They perform in my town all the time. Long live Carolina Beach Music!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:03 AM

John Ashe (known around here as "Johhny Death" for his love of songs with death in them) also LOVES "Patches". Ooooo...you're in big trouble now, FIRECAT! I'd find a good hiding place if I were you.

I've got no strong opinion either way.

Who's your all time favourite singer, Mbo?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:08 AM

"You're So Vain" (clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee)

btw "Black Betty" (bam ba lam) was originally a Leadbelly song.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bugsy
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:25 AM

Seasons In The Sun, was written by Belgium Singer/Songwriter Jaques Brel. The original is a wonderful song. There was an OK version done by Rod McKewan. It went down hill from there on.

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: P05139
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:27 AM

Little Hawk, why had I better hide?!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 01:35 AM

Just a joke, Firecat. No cause for concern. It's an "in" joke for the Orillia, Ontario crowd, that's all.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:23 AM

Little Hawk: Firecat didn't mention "Patches", I did.

Meebo: SURELY you don't mean "Patches my darling of old shanty-town"? Please tell me it's some other "Patches" or I shall have to make a drastic revision in my opinion of your intelligence, maturity, and taste in general. Not that it's all that great as it is. >BG<

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: celticblues5
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:25 AM

OK, if we can submit 'modern' songs (eg, the thong song), how about the classic, "I like big butts & I cannot lie?"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Morticia
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:37 AM

Oh Lord......I've just remembered " Long haired Lover from Liverpool" and " Ag-a-do".......now I really feel sick .....thank God I'm off to a folk festival where the worst that's likely to be inflicted on me is "Waxies Dargle".........

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:00 AM

Well Troll, looks like you don't have to! Seems the "Patches" by Clarence Carter that I love is not the same as yours. This is a soul classic from the late 60's. Little Hawk, my favorite singer? Jeff Lynne!

Subject: Lyr Add: PATCHES (Clarence Carter)
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:09 AM

This is Patches, by Clarence.

PATCHES
Clarence Carter

SPOKEN:
I was born and raised down in Alabama
On a farm way back up in the woods.
I was so ragged, the folks used call me Patches.
Papa used to tease me about it,
But deep down inside,
He was hurt because he done all he could do.

My papa was a great old man.
I can see him with a shovel in his hand digging.
Education he never had,
But he did wonders when the time got bad.
A little money from the crops he raised
Helped pay the bills we made.

For months, he'd been sick and down in the dumps.
When he tried to get up, life would kick him back down.
One day, papa called me to his dyin' bed,
Put his hands on my shoulders and in tears he said:
"Patches, I'm depending on you, son,
To pull the family through.
My son, it's all left up to you."

SPOKEN:
Two days later, Papa passed away.
I became a man that day,
So I told mama I was gonna quit school,
But she said that was Daddy's strictest rule.
So every morning before I went to school,
I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too.
Sometimes I felt that I couldn't go on.
I wanted to leave and run away from home,
But I would remember what my Daddy said
With tears in his eyes on his dyin' bed:
He said, "Patches, I'm depending on you, son,
To pull the family through.
My son, it's all left up to you."

SPOKEN:
Then one day, a strong rain came
And washed all the crops away,
And at the age of thirteen, I thought I was carrying
The weight of the whole world on my shoulders.
And you know, mama knew what I was going through,
'Cause every day I had to work the fields,
'Cause that's the only way we got our meals.
You see, I was the oldest of a family,
And everybody else depended on me.
Every night I heard my Mama pray:

"Lord, give him the strength to face another day."
Though years have passed and all the kids have grown,
And the angels took Mama to a brand new home,
But no, people, I never quit.
My daddy's voice still rings through the fields,
Sayin', "Patches, I'm depending on you, son,
To pull the family through.
My son, it's all left up to you.
Patches, I'm depending on you, son."

Clarence sings it with such emotion, I get a lump in my throat whenever I hear it. I also like it because it's about black folks, not the usual white trash.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:26 AM

Oh I hate "Patches" and "Last Kiss" and "Teen Angel" and "Tell Laura I Love Her" - how drippy and sappy can writers get out there anyway? Sad part is - we all know these songs! Yuck!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:29 AM

It's ALL good to me.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:35 AM

For a bunch folky ex-hippies who extol the peace love and kindness message, you all seems to have a great capacity for hatred.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:46 AM

When does school start again, Meebo? You need something to do.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:47 AM

It's BEEN started, Ted. What do you think I'm doing while I'm on Mudcat? Twiddling my thumbs? HOMEWORK.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:25 PM

Hey guys, it's not Meebo, it's Em-Bo, right? Confirm this please, Mbo. Now don't think us old folkies are a heartless bunch. There are quite a few songs I get weepy over...they just have to be up to a certain standard, that's all. Maybe we should launch a string on "Songs that make me cry".

If you like "Patches" and "Teen Angel", hey...that's fine with me. My friend John Ashe, who's an old folkie if ever there was one (although he's somewhat to the right of Jesse Helms) loves those songs.

We is just havin' some fun here, that's all.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:34 PM

You all seem very unforgiving is all. Back during the summer of '97, just before I started college, I used to sit an play computers games all day, while listening to the radio. What where the big songs? Semi-Charmed Life; If You Could Only See; Two Become One; Koko Jambo; Don't Speak; Push; Hard To Say; I Wanna Be There...etc. I'd hear these songs day after day, sometimes more than twice a day. And you know what? I may have gotten tired of them, but I could listen to them all right now and be nothing but happy. And I'm a pop/rock lover. So you folks either must REALLY hold a grudge, or somehow you folkies where exposed to pop music WAAAAY more than a junkie like me, which kind of says what about your folkie-status?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:49 PM

When I went to school, we studied all night, and there was no internet and no time for such foolishness--and after lights out, we had to sit underneath the streetlamps to study, even in the winter! We didn't sleep, and all we had to eat was SPAM and stale Wonderbread, except for Holidays, when we studied all day and all night, and they gave us instant coffee and stale donuts, and you know what? We loved it!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:51 PM

Ah but I have my own apartment AND student aid!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 12:53 PM

Besides, I'm an art major, so I only have one class that actually requires studying. And it's Art History II, which is easy.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:33 PM

You live long enough, Mbo, you hear a lot of music. Like it or not.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:47 PM

Hey M.Ted, that sounds like one of those stories that crochety old millionaires tell about how they had to walk shoeless 25 miles to school through raging blizzards every morning, and spent their first 5 years in the garment trade sleeping inside an abandoned casket in the alley behind the sweatshop.

Now they have desperate Mexicans do it for them.

Ho hum.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: jeffp
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Heard another candidate this morning on the radio - Groovy Kind of Love.

When I'm feeling blue
Then I think of you
Then I don't feel so blue

or something like that.

YUCK!!!!!!!!

jeffp

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:03 PM

I actually like that song, jeff--nice melody(stolen from somewhere, but I forget exactly where)--

Mbo, if we had an apartment, it was somebody elses, and you couldn't go in, you had to stand outside--

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:05 PM

Welcome to the 21st century, Ted!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: DougR
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:40 PM

MTed, and I bet you had to walk ten miles in the snow to get to school, right? :>)

Jim Dixon, I tried all afternoon to think of the name of that song so I could post it (Three Bells). Awful song.

MBO, you sure seem cynical to be so young. How many goat ropin's you been too? Again :>)

DougR

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 03:41 PM

I'm still wondering if he (Ted) was actually serious or was trying to be funny. What do you think, Mbo?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Morticia
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:11 PM

Gomez just reminded me of 'Puppy Love', surely that's got to be one of the very worst of all time ever?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:38 PM

"My Coloring Book" - hit by Barbra Streisand in 1963. Also recorded by Perry Como.

"Crayons ready, very well. Begin to color me!"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,BobP
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:45 PM

I want to nominate Revolution 9, by J Lennon.

With lyrics, as I recall: Number nine, number nine number nine, number nine...

Well, you wouldn't suppose the singer would have to tape prompting notes to the top of the guitar.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 05:50 PM

Finally, something (!) that IS actually bad! Revolution 9 is pretty much pointless. I always skip that track of insanity to revel in the delights of "Good Night."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 06:01 PM

M.Ted - great Dana Carvey imitation.

As a history loving kinda guy, what strikes me about this thread is that we are describing what you could only call OUR COMMON CULTURE. They're POP songs because they were popular and we hate them so-o-o-o much because we heard them so often (although, for some of these it was hate at first sound). And somewhere there are people who are, as my beloved old dad would say, "crying all the way to the bank" as we insult their claim to fame.

Oh yeah, true confession, I like about 90% of these toons. Go figure.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 06:10 PM

"Delaware", a.k.a. "What did Della Wear?" recorded by Perry Como in 1959.

"She wore a brand new jersey, she wore a brand new jersey …"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 07:01 PM

"Do-Re-Mi", from that inimitable Rodgers and Hammerstein classic, "A Sound of Music" (Movie version, 1965; It must have been done as a musical play several years before that, but I have been unable to find the date.).

"Doe, a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun."

I grew to hate this song as a kid. I had a teacher who thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread, and she made us sing it over and over.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 09:36 PM

I actually enjoy a great many of the songs that have been mentioned on this thread. Including the ones I've mentioned. I don't think that that makes them good songs though. One's sap capacity gets strained as one gets older, for one thing, and over exposure can kill almost anything. What's frightening to me is how many of the songs I can _sing_...

Yikes!

And yes, the Sound of Music was a play before the movie... and I _still_ love "The Lonely Goatherd."

;D

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 10:29 PM

I also hated that Do-Re-Mi song so much that it just can't be expressed, and I also had a teacher who loved it. Aaaaaaaaakkkkk! Gag! Choke!

How about Barbra Strident? Surely we can get nominations for a few more of hers. How about "people...who need people...are the luckiest people in the world"...

The horror! The horror!

Show me a person who doesn't need people...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:20 PM

MTed: You had SPAM!!?

I'd have killed for Spam.

And books. We didn't have books or pencils or paper. We had to stand outside tha room and listen to what the professor said and try to remember it all. The only time we were allowed in the classroom was for exams and then we had to sit on the floor.

DougR: you are absolutely correct. Ten miles throught the snow, barefoot. And, it was uphill both ways.

These kids today have....coming nurse! Coming!

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 24 Aug 00 - 11:44 PM

Mbo: Who's extoling peace, love, and kindness? Huh? Huh? Come on, name me just one. (Praise doesn't count) Buncha namby-pamby milksops that can't even...But I just HAD my medication, nurse!

troll >BG<

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:22 AM

"diana" -
"I'm so young and you're so old, so my darling I've been told..."
Eeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyuuuuk!

"this diamond ring" - not quite as bad as "diana" but on the list of Songs To Avoid.

All those songs with catchy tunes and horrible lyrics, that just keep going around and around in your head...

This should have been mentioned on the Arrrgghhh! Thread.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: LR Mole
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:06 PM

No, not the Clarence Carter "Patches", the Dickie Lee one ,on Hickory records (Had the 45). Chords: C-Am-F-G7: Down by the river that rolls by the coalyard/Stand wooden houses with the shutters torn down/There lives a girl everybody calls Patches/Patches, my sweetheart of old Shantytown. (Ride:)Patches, Oh, what can I do?/I'll swear I'll always love you/ But a girl from that place/ Will just bring me disgrace/ So my folks won't let me love you. (Key shift to D if you have it) I hear a neighbor tellin my father/He says a girl name of Patches was found/Floatin face-down in the dirty old river/That flows by the coalyard in old Shantytown (Ride 2:) Patches, oh what can I do?/I swear I'll always be true/ It may not be right, but I'll join you tonight/ Patches, I'm coming to you... (John D. Loundermilk).

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: sledge
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 12:51 PM

For a real stinker thats with us right now have a short, a very short listen to Victoria "posh spice" Beckhams current single, called out of your mind, which IMHO you would have to be to enjoy it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:06 PM

Haven't heard it. I'll have to stay on the alert for that one. The only place I ever hear commercial radio is in restaurants and stores. My own radio committed suicide after I ignored it for seven years. Unfortunately, it took the rest of the stereo with it...vengeful little monster that it was!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Charlie2
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 01:15 PM

And of course there is the Homer Simpson take on DO RE ME that should not be over looked....

Dough - the stuff that buys me beer Ray - the guy who sells the beer Me - the guy who drinks the beer Fa - A long way to get beer So - I'll have another beer La - I'll have another beer Tea - No thanks I'm drinking beer And that brings us back to.. Doh!!!

You can do with this information what you will.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Pseudolus
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 04:26 PM

If no one has mentioned "My Melody of Love" they should have. I happen to be Polish but I REALLY hate that song!! Although, when it was popular I did convince a friend that the Polish lyrics were dirty! It was pretty funny...still hated the song....

Frank

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 05:18 PM

ARRRRRGH!!! Bobby Vinton. You've reminded me of him. He did a whole ton of songs with the word "blue" in the title...Blue Velvet, Blue, I'm So Blue, and so on. Ktel had a big collection of that stuff out, and they were flogging it on TV, along with Freddy Fender ("Wasted Days And Wasted Ni-i-ights").

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: guinnesschik
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 08:24 PM

I've had a lot of fun with this thread, and I have to admit I am a connoisseur of bad music. I have an extensive LP collection of punk, bad country, and just strange stuff, so it's been a lot of fun seeing what others are listening to. One fairly recent song is conspicuously missing, and that is that horrible, ear-bloodying, nausea inducing "Butterfly Kisses" song. And, I have to get this off my chest: my husband listens to that darn "Groove Is In The Heart" song by Dee Light at least once a week. So, Aaaaarrrrggghh!

Oh, and before I go, I love David Allen Coe, but "Divers Do It Deeper" is much worse than the "Escape" song.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: bflat
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 08:43 PM

I confess to not having read every posting which preceeded mine so regrets if this already appears. I vote for The Purple People Eater and The Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. Goofy and Stupid category.

bflat

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 09:00 PM

"Groove Is In The Heart" is one of my guilty pleasures.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: guinnesschik
Date: 25 Aug 00 - 09:16 PM

Earl, I'll send you the CD, and nobody has to know. ;-)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: tradsteve
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 01:41 AM

That Santana/Rob Thomas collaboration: "Smooth"... come on. "Gimme your heart, make it real, or else forget about it." "It's just like the ocean under the moon, it's the same as the emption that I get from you"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:14 AM

I'm beginning to realize that I'm missing a lot of real stinkers, due to my non-radio habits. Specially the new stuff, like that Posh Spice one. Radio goo goo, radio ga ga, radio da da, radio poo poo...

Gee, I feel deprived. I'm gonna put that Barry Manilow tape on right now, rearrange my sock drawer, and just kick back for awhile.

I wonder what the cat is up to? It's been too quiet for the last half hour around here...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 03:18 AM

For the last few days, one of my co-workers has been playing a Third Eye Blind cd. This is very bad music. As bad as Poison. Not as bad as Barry Manilow, but close.

So, tomorrow: Dusting off my copy of "Finno-Ugrian and Turkic Melodies in the Volga-Kama Area." That boy has earned some pain. Muaha...

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bugsy
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 05:23 AM

What about the "Terry" by "Twinkle",

"....He rode into the night, accelerating his motorbike,
I cried to him in fright, Don't do it!.Don't do it! Don't do it!
He said to me "You are the one I want to be with"
He said to me "You are the one to whom my love I will give.
Someday he'll know how much I prayed for him to live.
He waits at the gates of Heaven for me. Teeeeeeery!

A CHUNDER MONGER AND NO MISTAKE!

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 05:59 AM

Which reminds me of "Black Denim Trousers And Motorcycle Boots" by Vaughn Monroe

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Merlin
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 08:21 AM

Here is some current crap: anything by NSYNC. My walkman has a tendency to die after hearing their junk on the radio.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: oggie
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 12:01 PM

Terry Jacks 'Seasons in the Sun' compounded by the fact it made number 1 !

All the best

Steve

PS How about Leapy Lee 'Little Arrows'?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,toad
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 01:57 PM

Shit ! I got half way throough the list only to find someone had all ready mention'd 'torn between two lovers'.

Which is my pick for worst ever.

But you are all correct. Sure are some bad songs written. But I must stick up for 'Lucy in the Sky'cause it's s'pos'd t be sureal.

Toad

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 02:28 PM

Yeah, I like "Lucy In The Sky" too. Nothin' wrong with that song.

Hey, Lepus, funny you should mention Third Eye Blind. Hesperis just lent me a CD of that band last night. Now I'm really curious to listen to it, which I will do shortly. That's the trouble with most (but not all) of the scientific community, by the way...third eye blind!

"Terry" is just absolutely, wretchedly, stupendously BAAAAAAAD! Yowsa! We've got heavy competition for "FEEEEEEEELINGS" now...

Mbo - you gotta listen to "Feelings"...it will change your life. Ha!

"These Boots Are Made For Walking" by Nancy Sinatra...tacky, tacky, tacky...but kind of likeable in a weird way.

"Torn Between Two Lovers" is enough to make a pit bull roll over and die.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 03:23 PM

RE Third Eye Blind:
I never said it was good, I said I liked it...
(Just wanted to make that clear.)
"God of Wine" is cool. Everything else on the CD is crap. Occasionally catchy crap, but crap.

You know how sometimes you get used to music because your friends like it, and every time you hear the music it reminds you of all the fun you have with them, but you don't actually like the music?
I got used to Rage Against The Machine that way.
(Also Metallica, BushX, the Dance Mix 95 CD, the Tragically Hip, and many others.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowbetter
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 04:44 PM

That's What Friends Are For by Roberta Flack?
Oh, Mickey by Toni Basil

Rich

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 05:26 PM

Never was that into Third Eye Blind. Ok, but I think they could mature if they could break out of that syndrome where they feel the only way they can be continue interest in their band is by making all their stuff similar to their one big song. "How's It Gonna Be" is probably the one of theirs that I like the most. Ooh hesperis, is that THE Bush? Of the "Cold Contagious" fame? Love those guys! I also like Metallica...mostly their newer stuff. You wouldn't believe how many folkies I've fooled with "Nothing Else Matters"!

--Matt

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 06:52 PM

Can't believe nobody has mentioned DUKE OF EARL. == Johnny

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 10:03 PM

Hey, man...don't diss DUKE OF EARL. Looie and Ace and de gang is gonna take yer banjo and make ya eat it. DUKE OF EARL RULES, MAN! You c'n, like, quote me.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 11:12 PM

Yo, pally! I got yer Duke of Earl right here!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 11:32 PM

"Chain Gang" by Sam Cooke and "You're The One" by The Vogues. This song is the ultimate in trite moon-June lyrics. You just KNOW the next line before you hear it. I used to write songs like it - and then I turned 12!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 26 Aug 00 - 11:54 PM

Oooh have to put my 2 cents in for my Top 3: "Papa Don't Preach" (or just about anything by Madon't-a), Patty Duke's "Please Don't Just Stand There" and "I Honestly Love You" by Olivia Newton John.

There is one song that is so hokey and stupid but I really like it: "Poke Salad Annie" by Tony Joe White. hahahaaa Whenever I play it, I turn it down real low because I'm afraid my neighbors will hear it--I could never show my face again! And one more song which I love but has just THE stupidest lyrics...Ry Cooder's "How Can A Poor Man Stand Such Times and Live."

There. I feel much better now.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 12:59 AM

Mbo:
"How's it going to be" is ok.

Yep, THE Bush. They have to call themselves BushX in Canada because of copyright law. It seems there was a Toronto area band of that name earlier this century. That's all I know about it.
I borrowed a CD off a friend a few years ago, we are no longer friends, and I unfortunately gave the thing back!
Don't even remember which album it was.

As for Metallica, I don't usually like to listen to stuff that hard, but when I do, they are the best. They define 'metal' so much that other metal bands have a hard time not just sounding like poor imitations. (IMHO.)

I'm not into loud music. I prefer pretty ballads with lovely melodies, a touch of magic or mysticism, stuff like that. (Although I am totally crazy about distortion guitar dripping with reverb and wild harmonics.)

For the list, another song I really don't like:
"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the java-java an' it loves me.
Coffee an' tea an' the java an' me, a cuppa, cuppa, cuppa, cuppa..."
It gets stuck in my head! And I DON'T love coffee, or that horrible orange pekoe stuff that passes for tea.
(Maybe it's not pop. It was pop once!)

Also "just a girl" by No Doubt. It's supposed to be sarcastic or something, but I think it fails to achieve its aim. (And I really don't like Gwen's voice.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Steven Sellors
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 01:29 AM

Okay. I'll throw one on the fire. Can we please rid the world of Eric Clapton's tribute to shallowness: Wonderful Tonight

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 01:58 AM

Oh... Oh, oh... God. Metallica? Define metal? Aaaagh. ;)

Metallica isn't what I'd call 'Metal.' Sort of light hard rock. I can't think of a more commercialized, more soul-less, more untalented bunch of eye-liner-wearing Metal has-beens. They were never that great (or heavy) before their 'makeover,' and they truly blow goats now.

Plus, 97% of their fans are mullet-headed greaseballs. Hehe.

Just to keep this entry KINDA on topic, I'll say that Metallica's worst song is... Either "Unforgiven" or "Enter Sandman." HATE those songs. Don't know the names of their more current "songs", so can't name those. >:)

---Lepus Rex (Bush sux too!)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:04 AM

So what do you think defines metal? (Don't insult me without giving me a d*mn good reason...)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:48 AM

Hesperis, I wasn't insulting you. I was insulting Metallica. Unless you're IN Metallica, don't take it personally. But DO take it personally you're that dwarfish freak Lars Ulrich... :)

Metallica WAS a (lousy, weak) Metal band, before it re-packaged itself as an "alternative" style band.

Examples of Metal... In my opinion, S.O.D., Fantomas, Morbid Angel, and (especially pre- or post-90s, when they din suck, heh) Iron Maiden could be considered to play types of Metal, but van Halen, (post-90s)Metallica, Guns N' Roses, and Warrant could not.

Like I said, just my opinion:)

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 03:53 AM

Can't believe we got this far and no one added "Elusive Butterfly". He's running around in the dark with a butterfly net saying "Don't be disturbed, I will not harm you..." Right.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,alanabit
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 07:31 AM

Nobody has yet mentioned the Everly Brothers atrocious "Ebony Eyes", which is about a wedding day and a plane crash. It was written by John D.Loudermilk, (of Tobacco Road" fame), who should have known better. The Swedish entry to the Eurovision Song Contest of 1973 contained the line,"Your breasts are like swallows nests", which must make it a heavyweight contender for any bad songwriting award.I wonder if anyone has any further information about this milestone of incompetence. You Americans quite rightly ignore The Eurovision Song Contest, which is one of the qualities which I admire most about your country!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 08:03 AM

I think ol Joe was thinkin' he was on this thread instead of the Fahrenheit 451 thread when he posted this song, so I'll add it here in its rightful place........"Major Tom".......

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,shadowfax
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 08:38 AM

dicka dum-dum makes me cringe. I think it was by Des O'Conner. But its all a matter of personal taste (good or bad)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 09:01 AM

Hey, I liked "Papa Don't Preach." Of course, I heard it waaaaaaay before I ever heard of Madonna.

If we're gonna start including bad pop songs of the thirties and forties, we're gonna overload the server...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,TLM
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 09:39 AM

The worst pop song ever is KUNG FOO FIGHTING & Disco Duck

Hands down the most stupid songs ever written, Disco duck was recorded in a duck voice, and with an elvis impersonator

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those cats were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing

There were funky China men from funky Chinatown They were trapping when up, they were trapping when down It's an ancient Chinese art, and everybody knew their part For my friend, ain't you a stiff, then I'm kickin' from the hip

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those kids were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chong He said, here comes the big boss, let's get it on He took the bow and made a stand, started swaying with the hand A sudden motion made me stiff, now we're into a brandnew trip

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those kids were fast as lightning In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they did it with expert timing

Disco Duck Went to a party the other night All the ladies were treating me right Moving my feet to the disco beat How in the world could I keep my seat

All of a sudden I began to change I was on the dance floor acting strange Flapping my arms I began to cluck Look at me..I'm the disco duck

[dd] Ah get down mama, I've got to have me a woman, ha ha ha ha ha [bs] Disco, disco duck [dd] Got to have me a woman [bs] Disco, disco duck [dd] Oh get down mama [bs] Try your luck, don't be a cluck, disco [dd] Disco [bs] Disco [dd] Disco [bs] Disco [dd+bs] Disco [bs] Disco disco duck [dd] All right [bs] Disco disco duck [dd] Ah get down mama, oh mama shake your tail feather, ha ha ha ha ha

When the music stopped I returned to my seat But there's no stoppin' a duck and his beat So I got back up to try my luck Why look

[dd] Everybody's doin' the [dd+bs] Disco, disco duck [dd+bs] Disco, disco duck [bs] Try your luck [dd] Wave to me [bs] Don't be a cluck [dd] I'm so happy to be here [bs] Disco [ep] Thank you duck [bs] Disco [ep] For gettin' down [bs] Disco disco disco [ep] Thank you so very much [bs] Disco duck [dd] You're welcome [bs] Disco Disco Duck [bs] Try your luck, don't be a cluck, disco, disco, disco..

[dd=Donald Duck voice] [bs=background singers] [ep=Elvis voice] (borrowed from [e-mail])

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Merlin
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:12 AM

Actually, if you play dicso duck at a high speed on a CD player, it sounds really funny. Kind of like a marathon of ducks with speech problems.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 12:59 PM

Hey, catspaw, it's called "Space Oddity" (not "Major Tom")(!) lol One of my all time faves...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:24 PM

Same here, Beanster! Me and my sister love that song. C'mon Lepus, don't be so hard on Metallica! I like "Enter Sandman" but "Unforgiven Too" from Reload was better than "Unforgiven." Actually, it was a really really cool song! I also liked "Fuel" from that album. And I think Bush is pretty cool! I love "Come Down." And

DID YOU KNOW

that their song "Glycerine" is based on a 300-year-old Russian folk song? So that makes the song FOLK ROCK. So stick that in yer pipe and smoke it!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 02:49 PM

Lepus, you called me a "mullet-headed greaseball!"
That was an insult!
I think I'm going to have to post my pic now! Just to point out that people with normal hair can be fans of Metallica.
(Ok, ok, I was laughing as I wrote that...)

Anyway, I like "Enter Sandman" too. It is getting a bit overdone by people who can't play, but the song itself is cool.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: PoohBear
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 03:40 PM

almost anything by Michael Jackson.....

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 04:19 PM

Har! Har! "mullet-headed greaseball"! Poor hesperis. What a gross libel.

What was that about "blowing goats"...yuck! Have you ever been in the near vicinity of a billy goat, Lepus? I have. I used to take care of them at Rolling Thunder's camp. Nanny goats are really quite nice agreeable creatures, but billy goats are filthy, vile, stinking, vicious, over-sexed brutes. They are the most offensive and aggressive creatures I have ever seen in my life. They probably love to listen to Poison albums at top volume. I once had to wrestle one back inside his paddock, following an aborted escape attempt. Quite an adventure. It took days to wash off the smell. Gaaaackkk!

Hey, "Space Oddity" is a brilliant song. Just brilliant. I'm getting concerned about you, Spaw. Have you been ingesting powdered banana peels again? I'm your friend...we can talk. *BG*

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowbetter
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 08:15 PM

"Signs" by the 5 man electrical band
"Go Tell Laura I Love Her" Sha Na Na?
anything by eminem


I bet not even Mbo will stick up for eminem! ;)

Rich

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 08:18 PM

You are right, Rich. That guy is a pig, and what he does is NOT music.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Dave Swan
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 09:54 PM

Dust in the Wind. A pretentious piece of feces which can hold its head high in this offal company. E.S.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 10:10 PM

Oh no, I love Dust In The Wind!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 10:24 PM

I think "Dust In The Wind" is good musically...but I'm not too crazy about the lyric. It actually has a connection in one place to a Native American phrase "nothing lasts forever but the Earth and Sky". This was said by warriors who went into battle fully prepared to die. They had much the same kind of fighting spirit as the Japanese...and that made them very dangerous opponents.

Pretentious?...yeah, maybe.

Did anyone contribute Rod Stewart's "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" or his blatant ripoff "Forever Young" (after Dylan's original "Forever Young" way back in 1974). Or how about "Tonight's The Night"? That one has the hilarious line "let your inhibitions run wild" in it. If that were to happen, of course, Rod would never get ANYWHERE with the sweet virgin girl he is attempting to seduce, now would he? BLEEEEE-AUUUUGHHH! (to quote Bill the Cat) OOOOP!!! AAAAACK!!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Dave Swan
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 10:34 PM

Unfortunately "Nothing lasts forever but the Earth & Sky" is followed by "and all your money won't another minute buy". Weak. Like arbitrarily tacking "now" on the end of a phrase in order to get that last syllable which will make the line scan.

This is only my opinion. I will staunchly defend your right to your opinion, your right to enjoy this song, and should we ever hear this song together, I'll do my best not to groan or roll my eyes.

You will, however, have to buy the next beer.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 10:46 PM

Ragg Mopp...(one of the songs which drove me AWAY from pop music many years ago... along with "White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation") I don't even recognize 2/3 of the song names in this thread...so, I'll go away now...(but I DID agree with all the ones I do recognize..*grin*)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:38 PM

When I was in high school, Elaine Smitham sang "Dust in the Wind" for a school talent show. It was beautiful!
She has a beautiful voice, and her interpretation of the song was really good.
(I've lost touch with Elaine since then, but last I heard she was in University studying Vocal Music.)
I love that song!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Aug 00 - 11:51 PM

Hey guess what? I actually found one I don't like! It was "Sex & Candy" by Marcy Playground. That thing was #1 on the rock charts for weeks and weeks upon end, and I don't know why! It was so deadpan and dragging...I still can't figure out what people say in it, and why they let it stay number one while other better songs got pushed aside, like the awesome "What's This Life For?" by Creed (who I also really dig.) Sigh...glad it was a one hit wonder and hopefully no one will remember it ever existed.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:02 AM

"Tell Laura I Love Her" was I think, Ray Peterson. (wretch) Laura got flattened like an Aunt Jemina pancake on that railroad track!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:45 AM

Beanster: I think you have mistaken "Laura" with "Teen Angel". "Laura " tells the story of Tommy who gets killed on the racetrack trying to win enough money to buy Laura a ring.
Tell Laura I love her
Tell Laura I need her
Tell Laura I might be late
I've something to do that just can't wait.
Or something like that.

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 01:01 AM

I thought it was about Lenny, who got kicked in the groin while trying to win a free membership in Mudcat Cafe, so he could spare the money to buy his girfriend's hamster a new cage...no wait...that was another one. Oh, well...the idiot apparently didn't know that membership in Mudcat ALREADY IS FREE! Man, y' gotta wonder...

How about "Physical" by Olivia Newton-Joke?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Ananda
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 01:49 AM

I saw Puppy Love mentioned, but what about Muskrat Love? hehe

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: sledge
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:14 AM

For a flash back stinker, how about paper roses by the Osmond clan

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: robroy
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 05:07 AM

I think the 1940's produced some of the worst crap I've ever heard How about: Ashby de la Zouche, Castle Abbey. that's the only place that I'd like to be. Where the girls all love the boys and the boys love all the girls in Ashby de la Zouche, by the sea (which it isn't) followed closely by "Hang on the bell Nelly, Hang on the Bell, Your poor father's locked in a (something) prison cell. It's redeeming feature apparently is that it's a true story.

Robroy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 06:39 AM

hello I happen to love american pie. but I can see why alot of people are tired of it.But my vote for whats its worth, is Henry the 8th by Herman and Hermits.(shudder.) another would be a certain song song having to do with a polkadot bikini.(and people complain about stupids lyrics in todays music!!) LOL

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: guinnesschik
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 08:15 AM

E-hem, I can't believe nobody's mentioned Zager (Sp?) and Evans' "In The Year 2525!" Awful, awful.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 12:14 PM

God, yes! I'd forgotten that one. Way to go, guinnesschik!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 02:11 PM

Aw, hesperis, I said that only 97% percent of Metallica's fans were mullet-headed greaseballs, assuming that you were in the mullet-free, un-greasy 3% ;)

And no, LH, haven't been around a billy goat. But I was guessing they were pretty vile when I stated that Metallica blows them.

And Mbo, Metallica has ruined Russian folk music now, too? Bastards! Heh-heh.

Oh, BTW, I was at an Iron Maiden concert last night, and Queensryche ( don't care enough to dig out the umlaut) opened. I realised that my new least-favourite pop (it was sort of popular when it came out , ages ago) song is 'Revolution Calling.' Gave me an instant headache, and reminded me that what I had remembered as an irrational hatred of Queensryche was actually totally justified. What's left for me to hate? >:)

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 02:32 PM

Zager and Evans share a rare distinction in pop music as one of only 4 artists/groups whose first release went to number 1 and then NEVER had another in the top 100.

And Swanno, I think the dust in the wind was kicked up by the disintegration of Major Tom's spacecraft........."Ground Control to Major Tom...You really are fucked up......" .....Even Cleigh O'Possum's asshole tightens up at the prospect of hearing that piece of crap........gimmee peace......."Space Oddity" huh?...Now ain't that the freakin' truth...........geeziz..................Cleigh gives it a large toot and a "Tails Down."

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bert
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 02:47 PM

Not exactly a song but how about that awful music to 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 02:51 PM

Spaw - Who the hell is Cleigh O'Possum? I have a right to ask this, since Frank Sinatra is rumoured to once have asked the question "Who the hell is George Coventry?" (I am George Coventry.)

Lepus - You were at an Iron Maiden concert last night...and you're STILL LUCID???? I'm impressed. I didn't think rabbits had that kind of nerve. Whenever I fly over a stadium where Iron Maiden is playing I try to drop one right in the lead singer's eye...or his mouth...it's big enough! :-) BTW, I am still walking around downtown, bursting into fits of giggles that puzzle passersby, as the phrase "mullet-headed greaseball" pops into my mind. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:10 PM

LH - I've forgiven Lepus. As for YOU...

Watch your feathers, Little Hawk!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:21 PM

"Dust in the wind" is one of those pseudo-smart adolescent epiphany songs (like the whole Moody Blues catalog.) Either take the honorable way out like Kurt Corbain or just get over it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:22 PM

He's an ass-blown possum and a Mudcat Icon Hawkster. He has been a fixture of Mudcat Iconology for a year and a half or so.....along with the Tiple, the Jello Wrestling pit, the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, condoms, potato stuffed thongs, and Art Thieme's bad puns.

Cleigh has a sister Dido and Cleigh's picture may be found right there in the Mudcat Resources section.....ON HIS OWN PAGE no less, but also appearing on mine and Rick Fielding's.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:31 PM

I want to hear "Ashby de la Zouche, Castle Abbey. that's the only place that I'd like to be"--it sounds like an amazing song!!

I feel compelled to add a couple bad ones--"Dicky Lee(mentioned above in connection with "Patches" also gave us the "Laurie(Strange Things Happen) which tells a creepy teenage version of the vanishing hitchhiker story, and the insidious "(9.999.999 Tears). and who can forget Little Jimmy Dickens' "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose"-

It seems like they don't write bad songs like they used to--so much of the music that you hear on the radio today is just boring--you forget it the minute after it ends--

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Shadowfax
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:31 PM

Yes Paper Woses a real puker

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:38 PM

What about Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Not horrible until the three guitar dueling stuff that seems to go on for hours. Talk about excessive.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 03:50 PM

Hey, the extended solo is the best part! I put it on the stereo and just jam along with the guys! And Moody Blues ROCK!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:07 PM

Here's the thing Meebo..........If its something you DON'T LIKE, speak right up, but otherwise we all assume that to you everything ROCKS. I'm sure if they ever release that copy of a frog farting into a euphonium in an atonal rendition of "Bonnie Blue Flag" you would be completely enamored of it too. FROG FARTS RULE!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:12 PM

Did you know the tune of "Bonnie Blue Flag" is actually from an Irish song called "The Irish Jaunting Car"?

Never heard that one, Spaw, but I have a kickass one with hammered dulcimers being smashed with sledge hammers. Music to my ears!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:23 PM

PRobably an ELO tune isn't it? Or maybe Oasis? I've smashed several Hammered Dulcimers and its pretty raucous sounding so that'd fit.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:27 PM

Naw neither ELO or Oasis use HDs. Now The Who, on the other hand...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 04:51 PM

Now now fellas.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 05:30 PM

It's bloody well NOT Meeebo, it's Em-Bo!!!!! What's going on out there? Have you all lost yer flippin' minds or is it me who is teetering on the edge of involuntary solipsismic degradation?

I didn't seriously hate Leonard Skynyrd until 1979. Then I had the back luck to be in a college residence 2 doors down from a guy who played the f**kers at least 22 hours a day, occasionally pausing to go to the washroom or seduce some unfortunate COED or whatever. "Oh, can't ya smell that smell?" Exactly. Pee-Yoo!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: guinnesschik
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 06:34 PM

One man's stinker is another man's guilty pleasure.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 09:18 PM

Thanks, Troll, you're right! Laura didn't get smashed flat,it was that dopey Teen Angel! You see, this is natural selection at work--if you're an idiot enough to go runnin' back to retrieve a piece of jewelry into the path of an oncoming train...

And Catspaw, don't mince words about "Space Oddity"--tell us what you really think! haha To each his own, of course, but I think that song is absolutely brilliant.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 09:58 PM

Only know two pop songs "POP GOES THE WEASEL" and "POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN" ~~~can't say much good about either of them.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,doug
Date: 28 Aug 00 - 10:51 PM

i didn't read ALL the messages, but surely the clear winner has to be

to know, know, know him is to love, love him, and i do, oo, oo.

gasp! doug

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Skivee
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 12:04 PM

"Good Morning Starshine" from the musical, "Hair". It's amazing that they came up with words to the chorus that were even dumber than the verse. www.geocities.com/broadway/1080/o-good-morning-starshine.html I looked it up at this site and found, to my shock and horror, that it was much worse than I remembered.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Skivee
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 12:15 PM

"Good Morning Starshine" from the musical, "Hair" Appallingly stupid verse outdone by a nonsense chorus that should have rated bastinato, or liberal use of the rack. www.geocities.com/broadway/1080/o-good-morning-starshine.html This may post in two versions, if so, chaulk it up to brain lock brought on by the lyrics.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 12:24 PM

I know I'm joining in the game VERY late, but in about '63 or '64 there was a song called "It's delightful to be married." This coy female voice sings,

Oh, it's delightful to be married
To be, to be, to be, to be, to be married!" and so nauseatingly on.

Also about the same time there was an abortion called "Hey, little girl," whose words I have successfully repressed, so I can't quote it, but believe me, it HAD to be a major contender!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 12:28 PM

Skivee, are you just a little bitter?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Troll
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 12:31 PM

Beanster: I always thought that the song was a whitewash job. TeenAngel didn't go back for the ring. She went back to find her underwear!
An evil mind is a great comfort.
Don't know if it sucks or not, but for just plain strange it's hard to beat "Angie Baby".

troll

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 01:21 PM

This might just make it to "Most Successful Thread Ever" the way it's going...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Skivee
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 01:53 PM

Mbo, thanks for the mental health inquiry. Nope, not bitter. I posted twice because of an odd compu-blip at my end. Wasn't done for emphasis. "glippy gloop gloopy, glippy gloop gloopy, sh-na-na-na" The ghost of Shakespeare weeps for joy to think of the lofty heights that his English language, have been brought to.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 02:23 PM

I believe the first half of the chorus to Good Morning Starshine is actually "Gliddy gloop gloopy, nibby nabby noopy, sha la la lo lo, abah sibby saba, nooby aba naba lee lee lo lo". I never got to hear the second half as my dear father flung the record into the sky and skeet-shot it at that very point. And then the same for the album liner. Got Oliver square in the schnozola. Better him than me.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,ABBYSMOM
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 02:48 PM

As with many of you, my votes are with "Love to love you Baby", "Feelings" and "Havin' my Baby" - each makes me gag horribly. But to jog your memories on another bad song, does anyone remember "The Night Chicago Died"?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bernard
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 02:50 PM

Itchy-coo Park by the Small Faces...

The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore - the Walker Brothers...

If You're Going To San Fransisco (Be Sure To Wear Some Flowers In Your Hair) by Scott McKenzie... (I think that also qualified for the all-time longest title to make the 'Top Ten')

Another bit of trivia - 'Space Oddity' was the only 'serious' pop song to feature the dreaded Stylophone - without Rolf Harris!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 03:19 PM

Good call Abbysmom.

How about "Indiana Wants Me"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 04:01 PM

Those same people who did "The Night Chicago Died" did another dreadful song....but I can't remember what it was! Aaargh! Does anyone remember the group's name and the other song?

How about "Sylvia's Mother"?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 04:34 PM

Sylvia's Mother was Dr Hook's Medicine Show, who were also responsible for Cover of the Rolling Stone,a blatant self-promotional attempt that worked.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Kim C
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 05:51 PM

Nobody's mentioned Mairzy Doats or Achy Breaky Heart.

I had the 45 of The Night Chicago Died when I was in the first grade! My big brother took me down to the record store to get it. And I used to LOVE Barry Manilow. And I used to rollerskate to Disco Duck and anything by the Bay City Rollers. S-A-TUR-DAY----NIGHT!

I think this is a fun thread because some of us like the songs that others don't. It's not all about hatred and stuff like that. Differences of opinion make for a fun discussion, I think.

And I just thought of another one: Hey Paula.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 06:02 PM

Ain't nothing wrong with Achey Breaky Heart! And it's not pop!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: alison
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 06:20 PM

"the night Chicago died" was Paper Lace... their other appalling song being "Billy don't be a hero"......

there are 4 of us sitting here.. our votes go for......

torn between 2 lovers
I've been to paradise
Oh superman (huh huh huh huh)... can't remember who by

personally I LOATHE "Teddy Bear" by ?? Red Sovine, (crippled boy meets friendly truck drivers via CB radio.... ARRRGGHHHH!!!)

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 06:23 PM

I liked "Achey Breakey Heart" and "More than Words" even though a lot of my friends hate them. I don't listen to the radio, though, so I don't get sick of the really popular stuff.
"More than words" does have a point, but those words are nice to hear sometimes. (Depends on who's saying it and whether you believe them.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 09:46 PM

Troll-- lol!

Bernard, what's a Stylophone? And speaking of trivia, I believe Itchy-Koo Park was the first song ever to use the phlange (flange?) sound effect...ah, historic moments in music.

And speaking of skeet shooting (which is a wonderful way to finally get some use out of these horrendous records), when I found myself with an album that I didn't like, I would hold it over the flame on the gas stove. What you do is, as the vinyl gets more and more pliable, you keep turning up the edges. Eventually, you're left with this wavy-edged "bowl" which can serve many purposes...as a candy dish, let's say.

I used to use them as planters because not only were they large enough to hold a decent-sized plant, but they even had a hole at the bottom (in the middle of the label) for water drainage. I had them all over my apartment. See? And you thought these records were useless...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 10:54 PM

Hesperis - Achy Breaky Heart is a superb line dancing song...with really dumb lyrics...and 2 chords. Anything anyone decides to say about it (pro or con) is probably true! My friend "Johnny Death" (John Ashe) went to a Billy Ray Cyrus concert once for some reason. He said the audience was 95% composed of hysterically overwrought women, trying to get nearer to the stage. He said it was quite an experience just being there. He said some other things that could get him (and me) into trouble on Mudcat (John is a pretty graphic guy)...so...too bad, you'll just have to wonder what he said! Ha, ha!

Alison - Thank you so much for remembering "Billy Don't Be A Hero"...the antiwar song that makes even Joan Baez (one of my heroes) want to lie face down in the gutter and retch. The ne plus ultra of annoying songs.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 29 Aug 00 - 11:57 PM

So it has dumb lyrics!
Not everything has to be esoteric and high-falutin' in order for me to like it!
*Sheesh*-ka-bob!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:02 AM

Damn straight, hesp!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:10 AM

Achey Breaky Heart has lyrics? No shit? I guess I missed them amidst the drivel. Right up there with the Hanson moptops wonderfully deep, MMMM-BOP.......What a piece of work. Simply wonderful.....Makes me wanna' fart. Let's put 'em all in a Mercury capsule and ship 'em off with Major Tom, psychotic astronaut.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:15 AM

Just shut up, Spaw. Check this out.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:36 AM

Hey Meebo...Nice retort........I love those heartfelt romantic lyrics. So deep, so meaningful, so passionate, so painful, so truth filled, so immature, so completely fucked. I took them and had them analyzed to see if any sense could be made of them and after the work of the most brilliant and literate minds available, they came back with THIS.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 01:43 AM

But Spaw... Everything makes you want to fart, don't it?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Michael in Swansea
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 07:20 AM

What about Bobby Goldsboro's first shag? "Summer, the first time" I wonder if he did it with Honey. "I saw the sun rise as a man." Crud.

M

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 08:58 AM

Mbo et al, if you're looking for some extra deep, heart-felt, fart-inducing lyrics, why not make your own using
The Amazing Alanis Morisette Crappy Lyrics Generator!

And while we're at it, I revoke my previous nominations in this thread as I have just recalled the pop song which fills me with fear, dread and loathing and creates psychopathic tendancies in my normally sane existence. It's "Don't Worry, Be Happy", and it makes me want to boke, as they say in Norn Ireland.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: guinnesschik
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 09:14 AM

The Bobby Goldsboro song put me in mind of another stinker. The Statler Brothers recorded a song called "This Bed Of Rose's." (Rose is a name.) Really crappy piece of dreck:

This bed of Rose's that I lay on Where I was taught to be a man This bed of Rose's that I lay on Is the only kind of life I'll understand.

Okay...what is he, a gigalo?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 09:21 AM

Mbo,

There's nothing wrong with Achy Breaky Heart????? What a complete piece of crap. Nothing going for it at all, the "melody" sounds like a tape loop, the lyrics are inane. I've heard some great two chord songs, this sure ain't one of 'em.

This is the big music marketing machine at it's worst.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Kim C
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 11:17 AM

Achy Breaky isn't country either, even though that's how it got famous. Most of what's on country radio now IS pop but no one wants to admit it. I guess if it's got a good beat and you can dance to it... :)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: sledge
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 11:38 AM

Billy Ray would probably be even more popular with an Achy Breaky NECK.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: M.Ted
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 11:57 AM

Speaking of "Billy, Don't Be a Hero", when that song was popular, I was working as a teaching aid and naturally spent a lot time playing guitar with the kids and singing. If the kids wanted to sing a song, I played it, which meant that we did "Joy to the World"(a song so despised at the time it was popular that I can't believe no one has mentioned it) as well as "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" and "Cover of Rolling Stone"--

At an rate, one day, a long-haired, corduroy jacket and blue-jeans "Dad" came in and met with the director of my program, and demanded that I be terminated because I was singing "Billy" with the kids. The director never mentioned it to me, but the kid's mom told me what had happened in one of those "I am really sorry if my husband caused you any trouble..." sort of apologies--

The strange thing was that we had two boys in the class whose father was killed in the war, later that year--

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:36 PM

HEY, Billy Ray Cyrus has done some good stuff BESIDES Achey Breaky Heart, and have gotten compliments on his songs from unsuspecting HearMe listeners. And if I hear one more ultra-violent statement about hurting people because of their music, well....I wouldn't recommed it. I'm in a bad mood already today.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:41 PM

M.Ted - It's a shame about that guy that got killed...I generally like antiwar songs (like "Universal Soldier" or "Masters of War"), but "Billy Don't Be A Hero" is an abomination. If they had songs in hell it would be one of them.

Spaw - There are so many things that make you wanna fart...maybe you should consider seeking employment in the alternative energy field. :-) Didja get my PM on "Space Oddity"?

IT'S NOT MEEEEBO!!!!! ARK!@&* SCREETCH@#$!!!

New Country? - that's pop music with a stetson and a slight twang. Just call it Old BS instead.

As for "alternative", some kids on the street once asked me "Do ya play any alternative?" I said, "Everything's an alternative to something else..." They gave me a weird look and went on their way. Poor lobotomized victims of marketing, I call them. I played a Dylan song, and then a couple of my own to the heedless masses streaming by.

"Advertising signs that con you into thinking you're the one, that can do what's never been done, that can win what's never been won, meantime life outside goes on all around you." - Bobby D.

BTW, it's too bad Billy Ray Cyrus can't step in here and defend his honour, eh? Oooooo...he'd be ticked!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:42 PM

No problemmo Meebo...........Something in a nice lethal injection perhaps then?

Oh Billy Ray!!??!! C'mon and lay down over here buddy and we'll make it all better.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 12:51 PM

Don't start with me. And BTW Achey Breaky Heart is a 3 chord song, you morons. If you'd actually ever played it, you might know that. BTW Modern country sucks. It's not because it's pop with Stetsons. Furthest from that. In the 80's country was cool cause it was poppier. Now everyone's trying to make the same insipid steel-guitar/fiddle/wimpy electric guitar sound hip. It's not working. We need Dan Seals back.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bernard
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 01:37 PM

The Stylophone, dear Beanster, was the crappiest attempt at producing an 'instrument for the masses'.

If you've never seen one, be thankful!

Basically, it was a small battery powered electronic 'organ' with markings to represent piano keys. Attached by a flimsy piece of wire was a pen-thingy, which played a note when brought in contact with one of the 'keys'.

It had a sort of primitive 'vibrato' effect, and sounded like a fart in a drainpipe.

There were two models, one of which played in the treble register, the other played an octave below - the horrifying idea was that more than one of these dreadful things could be played simultaneously as some sort of hideous orchestra...

Rolf Harris was picked to market the thing, and it was moderately successful.

To pick it out on 'Space Oddity' - the 'glissando' at the start of the instrumental break is achieved by sliding the 'pen' along all the keys from left to right. Once you've established what the thing sounds like, you can hear it right at the very beginning, and pick it out all through if you're really that sad!

Maybe there's a website dedicated to the infernal things somewhere, but I'd rather not look!

To quote 'Itchy-coo Park' - It's all too beautiful...

Another bit of trivia/bragging - I recently acquired a Selmer Clavioline... It's the instrument made particularly famous by recording engineer Joe Meel in the '60's - it was the solo instrument on 'Telstar' by the Tornadoes, and also on 'Runaway' by Del Shannon, to name but a few.

Anyway, I'm in the middle of restoring it - some of the switches are broken, and the contacts were filthy. Good old valve (tube?) technology...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 01:59 PM

The Stylophone sounds like "a fart in a drainpipe"??? Cool. Let's all buy one and mail it to Spaw. BTW, I've seen Cleigh O'Possum, and he's neat! I love the Niagara Falls shot.

Who ya calling a moron, Mbo? I've PLAYED Achy Breaky Heart and it's got 2 chords. There's a parody of it called Achy Breaky Song...also has only 2 chords.

(start on E)
That song just makes me ill
I think I'm gonna kill
The DJ if he plays it one more (change to B)time And if it lasts too long
It just might make me lose my (back to E) mind

And so on...and so on...

The only way to get beyond those 2 chords is to do that bogus key shift up a whole tone or a 1/2 tone like they do in so many country songs, to give you the impression that there's something new happening, when it's really just the same lame thing all over again.

Okay. Your turn. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"

Hey! There's another one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 03:18 PM

Well, OK, diue to computer problems I didn't post I HONESTLY LOVE YOU in time, but what about I HONESTLY LOVE YOU, the SECOND time she released it! A whole new version for TODAY!!! WITH VIDEO!!!!!

WHY????????

Hey. Hee hee!!! Won't it be funny in times ahead when someone comes here looking for the lyrics to these very songs, does a search, and up pops this thread of mockification!!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Charlie2
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 03:38 PM

Anything and everything by Don Henley and Phil Collins. These men need to have their union cards revoked.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 03:42 PM

Something went wrong with that last posting of mine...

Here we go...

That song just makes me ill
I think I'm gonna kill
That DJ if he plays it one more time
And if I hear that song
That Achy Breaky song
It just might make me lose my mind

So don't you play that song
That Achy Breaky song
That song could make a hunchback lose his hunch
And if you play that song
That Achy Breaky song
It just might make me lose my lunch

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:32 PM

Ah well, when in Rome...

I'm glad Stan Rogers bit the dust, so I don't have to hear that stupid Barrett's Privateers dreck anymore. God damn you all.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:41 PM

Yeah, The plane crash thing was a cover, Stan actually offed himself because he sensed that music would go so low as to not only allow but to embrace no talents like Billy Ray Cyrus.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:46 PM

Hey, Billy is the only one to come down here to Camp Lejeune and write a song for the people he met here. Hmmph, A.C.Doyle said never to trust anyone named Latimer, they're bad news.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:53 PM

Mbo, please say you're joking with all personal hostility. Are you really that passionate about... Billy Ray Cyrus?!

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:54 PM

Mbo, I take offense to Mr Doyle's inference that Latimers are untrustworthy, but have to agree whole heartedly about the bad news thing.

What did he have to says about Mbo's?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 04:56 PM

Yes, I am.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 05:08 PM

This damned thread is taking forever to finish loading...and my life is slipping away through the cracks in the keyboard.

Hey Mbo, I've got a parody of Barrett's Privateers that has even more verses than the original. It goes on almost forever. It's about a bunch of aging hippies who try to drive a dilapidated school bus from Moncton, New Brunswick across the USA to Mexico so they can score some good dope. They are led by an American draft-dodger named "Clive Barrett" (he was tall and lank and smelly and weird, had a colony of weevils in his beard...God damn them all!...etc.). Somewhere in the Midwest they run afoul of the highway patrol, and almost all of them end up dying hideously in a bus/train wreck at a level crossing under a hail of paramilitary gunfire, but Fat Freddy's Cat escapes and makes it all the way to Cancun, where he is probably still basking in the sun, and ordering cervezas.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bernard
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 05:09 PM

OOOO-ERRRR!

There IS a Stylophone website, and they're even offering the bloody things for sale! Even worse, you can download a virtual Stylophone...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bernard
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 05:18 PM

HREF="http://www.stylophone.freeserve.co.uk/"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 00 - 06:42 PM

I've got nothing against Billy Ray Cyrus. I imagine he's probably a very nice guy.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 11:20 AM

Danka Scheinn, by Wayne Newton, Tiny Bubbles, Don Ho, Life is a Rock, But the Radio Rolled me, can't remember who did that one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Skivee
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 11:29 AM

The "Life is a rock, but the radio rolled me" song...I believe it was Tracy Ullman. And I dug it. Gave it a 79

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: LR Mole
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 12:03 PM

Well, "They're coming to take me away, Ha-Haaaa)(sp?) had as the B-side the A-side pressed backward. But I suppose that was neither pop nor a tune. The same thing was done some years later with "Yellow Balloon" as "Noowllab Wolley", by Yellow Balloon. Hm.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Charlie2
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 12:16 PM

I don't know, the music on the radio is so bad these days I can't even make comment. What is going on with that anyway?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 09:45 PM

How about a pair of opposites:
"ring-a-ling" - Carlo
"the wanderer" - Dion
One of them wants to get married, and the other leaves whenever he gets serious...

I could probably just type all the titles off this CD, (20 Collector's Records of the 50s and 60s,)as the only somewhat good one on it is "Spirit of Woodstock" - Ernie Maresca.
One friend of mine is totally into metal, and he loves the early 90s stuff. He told me that he couldn't wait for his music to be the 'nostalgia' music. I told him they'd probably just package up all the 'crappy' songs from those years. He looked really startled.

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 09:54 PM

Bernard, thank you so much for that detailed (and I'm sure, painful-to-write) explanation of a Stylophone. And I hate to tell you this, but I LIKE what it sounds like--I never actually knew which instrument that was but you pointed it out so well, I know exactly, now! I promise, though, just for you, I WON'T learn to play one, AND I hereby swear that I will never endorse its use for any private or commercial purpose. Okay? lolol

Fibula Mattock--I can never thank you enough for posting that hilarious Alanis Morrisette crappy lyrics site! It's SO funny and it works! Priceless.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:06 PM

Hey, Alanis is cool too...!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:26 PM

Yeah, Alanis has done some kind of cool stuff.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:28 PM

Yeah, Alanis is cool, but that site was funny!
(Although, perhaps "ironic" would be a better word here...)

I like Gillette, too, when I'm in a certain mood.

Oh, that gives me another one:
"Don't want no short, short man" - Gillette
Especially the bonus track version. It's pathetic!
(Though it never fails to crack me up. ROFLMAOO!)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:29 PM

Yeah, Alanis is cool, but that site was funny!
(Although, perhaps "ironic" would be a better word here...)

I like Gillette too, when I'm in a certain mood.

Oh, that gives me another one:
"Don't want no short, short man" - Gillette
Especially the bonus track version. It's pathetic!
(Though it never fails to crack me up. ROFLMAOO!)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 10:39 PM

Oops.
Double post, sorry.

Can the pixies who run this site take care of deleting one of them for me please?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 11:31 PM

I'm sorry, but could someone please wash Alanis' hair??

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 11:38 PM

Why? I though things like that didn't bother you?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 31 Aug 00 - 11:46 PM

Not a huge fan of Alanis' music, but I guess she's some kind of distant relative, so I can't HATE her. Lyrics generator was pretty funny.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: The Beanster
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 12:19 AM

Mbo, a bit presumptuous of you... Allow me to clarify. Although I do think greasy, long, tangled, flat hair stuck firmly to one's head so that even a gale force wind couldn't dislodge it is quite attractive, the woman's got more money than God and one would think that perhaps, she could invest in a bottle of shampoo every now and again.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

I thought Alanis WAS god...

What was that movie again? Dogma?

I so wanted to see that!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 04:40 AM

Has no one noticed that Alanis Morisette is Jools Holland in drag? I don't think she's ever appeared on his show, which proves my theory that they're actually THE SAME PERSON and therefore will never be in the same room at the same time. Like Michael Jackson and Latoyah.

My main bone of contention with Alanis is her misuse of the word ironic. Rain on your wedding day isn't ironic, just unfortunate. Anyway, didn't she use to be a real disco dolly before a radical image change back in ye olde days of popular grunge.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Hilary in NZ
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 07:01 AM

I'd just like to thank you guys, from the bottom of the world and my heart, for the best laugh I've had in ages. The worst popular song New Zealand has inflicted on the world (via Englebert Humpadink - which must be a contender for the most ludicrous "pop name") was Ten Guitars. I'd like to speak for my whole country when I say - sorry.
My daughter's vote is for boyzone, specifically the drippy "No matter where/what/whatever..." And she's 13!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 04:44 PM

I Alanis' song about the cross-eyed bear. And what's the deal with that Beck guy?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 04:54 PM

Hey, I just looked up the Alanis Morisette Crappy Lyrics site...what a riot. I quickly composed a new song using their lyrics generator. This is great! I just need to come up with a few tunes now, and I've got a whole new songbook full of stuff with which to wow the rubes. My reputation should get a real shot in the arm (or maybe the head) from this...

Here it is...

"Why"

Dimwits, meatballs, morons
Why God, Why?
Meatballs, corporations, baseball caps
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this deep green horror?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of baseball caps
Like a Leonard Cohen character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Teenagers, dimwits, sidewalks
Why God, Why?
Baseball caps, sidewalks, morons
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this deep green disaster that is my life?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of baseball caps
Like a Leonard Cohen character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

What have I done to deserve this deep green misery?
Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of baseball caps
Like a Leonard Cohen character, I'm wordy and alone
Why God, Why?

Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?
Why God, Why?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Sep 00 - 06:02 PM

Perfect!!! I love it!
Oh, LOL.

(Do it at song circle, I dare ya...)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,slippers
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 09:01 AM

There are too many entries here and I haven't had time to read them all but sas nobody heard "Those Were The Bad Old Days", the eurovision song contest entrant from British group Koko (spelling?). It included astonishing lyrics such as "Remember who, walked into my life and put their foot inside my shoe..."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 09:37 AM

"ANGIE" by the Rolling Stones

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,alanabit
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 10:26 AM

John, I grant you that "Angie" by the Stones is pretty horrible, but that is surely by the Rolling Stones standards. I am not sure that it reaches the demanding standard of atrocity which this thread requires. Does it really deserve to be ranked alongside "Feelings", "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" or even my own candidate, "Ebony Eyes"? Played live, "Angie" was redeemed to some extent by Mick Taylor's guitar playing - and if you bought the single, you got the superb "Silver Train" on the B side. You appear to have had the good fortune never to have heard the Stones' 1976 abomination "Fool To Cry" - all about baby Jade sitting on Daddy Jagger's knee and telling him not to cry... Now there's a contender...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 11:43 AM

All the others were chosen. Besides, Angie is deserving of the list for two reasons 1. It's THAT bad. 2. It got its undeserved playtime 'cause it WAS a Stones tune. Just try to imagine it being premiere released by ANYONE else and tell me it would have benn on top 40's 15 minute song rotation for 2 years like it was as a Stones tune.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 12:01 PM

How about "Jack and Diane" by Cougar Mellancamp?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 12:28 PM

WHATTTT??? "Jack and Diane" is a flippin' masterpiece! So is the whole rest of the "American Fool" album. Talk about passion and edginess! Yowsa!

Granted, it's sorta redneck, hell-raising stuff...but as that, it could hardly be any better. I love it.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 02:19 PM

LOVE that little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 03:13 PM

Same here! Hold on to 16 as long as you can, change is gonna come real soon...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Steve Latimer
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 04:55 PM

I'm with Earl on this one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 05:06 PM

Sigh...come on...worst pop song ever? Jack & Diane? You people have way to much time on your hands. I'd pick that song to be a folk song many years in the future. The song belongs on the Fahrenheit 451 thread, not this one.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,alanabit
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 05:38 PM

Oh well - I guess we are going to have to allow you "Angie", because this offender has obviously caused you considerable distress, John. Point taken about undeserved airplay. I can't argue that one, but if we are taking into consideration unmerited airplay for rotten singles, why has no one mentioned that dirge "Free as a bird" and another faked "Beatles" track of four or five years back?

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 05:49 PM

HEY!

I was just listening to "Free As A Bird" in the car today, and that is one great song! I play it a lot myself, and love it dearly. "Real Love" was also beautiful as well. Still I wonder what all the folkies are doing listening to the radio so much that they are being overexposed. Get thee back to your folk festivals and coffee houses and leave us alone!

--Matt as hell

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,alanabit
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 06:19 PM

Dear mbo, you sound so easy to please that it would take a harder man than me to begrudge you life's simple pleasures!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 07:41 PM

Mbo - actually, most of the radio stuff that I know is from quite a way back. I don't listen to it much now. I listened to a lot of radio in the 70's in particular, and of course I do hear it in restaurants, stores or wherever...so that's how it goes. It's the ADVERTISING that I can't stand...all those silly jingles...so that's why I don't listen to the radio. Same with TV...I don't watch it, except very rarely.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mooh
Date: 02 Sep 00 - 08:58 PM

Early to mid '70's there was a dreadful song called "Billy Don't Be A Hero" which seemed to me at the time to embody everything I hated about pop music and I was very firmly in the Tull/Stones/Led Zep camp at the time. Don't know the band and don't want to be reminded.

My favourite most hated song is "Colour My World" (I think it's called) by Chicago which had the worst use of sappy arpeggios imaginable. I once quit a band over it, and when asked to return for occasional gigs, guess what, I was a prick and wouldn't do it then either. (There were other issues but that was the biggest.) I figure there's only so much shit a musician has to eat to make a living.

"The Wedding Song" was another that I resisted playing in my reception band days. It fell into that catagory of songs I wouldn't even play to get laid. It's funny how I can't even hear it in my head right now. Blessing.

There are others. I'm so glad I have no specific knowledge of rap music, 'cause I've not heard song one that works for me.

"Annie's Song" (?) a Bob Denver song I think. A guy with a great voice, reasonable accompaniment chops, and absolutely dreadful songs. I once heard a muzak version of it somewhere which was even worse. However, I don't think I've ever refused to play it in a band, democracy and all that.

Nowadays I pay little attention to pop music per se but since the radio here in radio wasteland is always on in public places (a complaint all its own), I get enough to know I'm not missing much.

A guitar student of mine brought in a song by a band called Limp Bizkit last spring. It was lyically offensive, musically dumb, and poorly performed. I kept an open mind and let the kid exercise her option to learn it but in the end she disliked it too. Another blessing.

Hmmm, I sound like a bitch tonight. No gig. Mooh.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,donkey
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 01:54 AM

she's got betty davis thighs

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,donkey
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 01:57 AM

that horrible, pathetic, kid rock sulky, cheap voacal effects song. dry heaving as i write!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 12:29 PM

J C Mellancamp is the most derivative pop product in history. How can a man steal from so many sources and still use only two chords? My favorite was the song he did about not being a pop star. I saw the video on MTV.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Metchosin
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 12:43 PM

ah gee..... I love John's Play Guitar........

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 01:22 PM

Bawitaba ba dang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogie said up jumps the boogie! Love that song!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 03:16 PM

Actually Earl, I would say that a case could be made that Billy Joel is the most derivative writer in pop music today--but it's not all about sources--it's what you do with them.

John

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: RWilhelm
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 05:18 PM

I concede, John, Billy Joel is the most derivative writer in pop music. There was a period in the 70's and 80's when you could tell who was hot by who Billy was imitating.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:25 PM

Yup, Billy Joel wins that prize all right. If I hear "Uptown Girl" it makes me "hurl" (well, not literally, but you know what I mean...). Not that he isn't good, as a performer and writer...he is...I just don't like most of his songs regardless.

NOW...I didn't realize when I launched this thread just how far it would go. What a torture it must have been for poor Mbo! But the darn thread is getting way too long...so...

I am now OFFICIALLY LAUNCHING PART 2 OF THIS THREAD. TAKE NOTE! THE DRECK WILL GO ON AND ON....if you other people so choose...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM

What the...? It won't let me. I keep getting an error message for some reason. Sorry, I tried, but I couldn't kill the beast. I'll try again later.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Steve Latimer
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:01 PM

That Free as a Bird was awful. Obviouly it was put in the vaults because it couldn't cut it 30 years ago. And now there's a rumour of more "new" Beatles stuff. Yech.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Mbo
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:19 PM

Duh, Steve! The song was not written during the Beatles years. The chorus was written by John Lennon, but he didn't live long enough to bring the song to it's full potential. Paul McCartney wrote the verse lyrics. And I thought it was great and am looking forward to hearing more. Yeah Little Hawk, it is a torture, but anytime I get to play the Devil's Advocate against a load of music bigots, I'm there.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:31 PM

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,John Bauman
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:37 PM

Earl and Little Hawk,

On my morning run it suddenly occured to me that I probably needed to re-think my position on Billy Joel. The true deriver extraordinaire may be Paul Simon. It's just a simple case of "The true genius is the one most able to hide his sources" PS's sources are just more (a)broad and esoteric.

John

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 00 - 01:40 PM

Okay...another try...drum roll, please...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Merlin
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:51 AM

Want more crap? Try anything by Korn. For those of you fortunate to not have been tortured by this before, you can achieve the effect of a Korn song by throwing a drumset, several electric guitars, a loud dog and a cranky two year old down a flight of stairs while screaming the entire time. They win the bad song award.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Mbo_at_ECU
Date: 05 Sep 00 - 10:55 AM

Yeah, Korn is pretty raucous. But melodic dance remixes of their songs WITHOUT the band are actually quite listenable.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Firecat
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 06:17 PM

I've oly refreshed this cos I've found another dodgy song! BOB THE BUILDER!!

For anyone who doesn't know who Bob the Builder is, he's a charcter in a pre-school TV programme and is voiced by the actor Neil Morrissey.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Nemesis
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 08:22 PM

Actually, we think Bob the Builder is masterly compared to say "Laughing Gnome" by David Bowie and one awful summer (1976) the only song I could get on the radio was "I pull my blue jeans on" by David Dundas.

But, then as it was recorded here in Worthing (I've just been informed) - maybe that's why? Maybe that explains the dearth of any music of any appreciable quality here - any one here with any get up and go, got up and went. Me, I just went an banged my head against a few walls..

In fact, until "LLFLiverpool" - that's music (?) to slit your wrists to!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,hamgam
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:19 PM

definately"your having my baby" anka

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Hawker
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:27 PM

It's going back a bit but how about Leapy Lee's Tiptoe through the tulips? O even OOOO eee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep?

Macarena is effing annoying too!

Lucy

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Craigs
Date: 17 Feb 01 - 09:53 PM

"Wendy" by Johnny Gentle, ca, 1963

When I hold you in my arms I (di-da-da) all your charms Just to hold you, and kissyou, Oh, Wendy please don't leave me

So hold me close, hold me tight ....

BEWARE OF THE FLYING RECORD PLAYER!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Noel P
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 01:35 PM

O.K. Folks, I was looking for the lyrics of the Combine Harvester song. Any chance? Long shot? Thanks if you have. Noel P

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Noel P
Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:37 PM

Well, since no one else came up with it,
Here it is!!!

Noel P

Idrove my tractor through your 'aystack last night
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
I threw me pitchfork at your dog to be quiet
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Now something's tellin' me that you're avoidin' me
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Come on now darlin' you got something I need

Chorus:

'Cause I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!
Come on now let's get together in perfect harmony,
I've got twenty acres, and you've got forty-three
Now I've got a bran' new
combine harvester and I'll give you the key!

I'll stick by you I'll give you all that you need,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
We'll have twins and triplets, I'm a man built for speed.
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
And you know I love ya darlin' so give me your hand
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
But the thing I want the most is all the acres of land!

Chorus

For seven long years I've been alone in this place,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Pigs sleep in the kitchen, it's a proper disgrace
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
Now if I cleaned it up would ya change yer mind,
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
I'll give up drinkin' scrumpy (strumpy?) and that lager of lime.

Chorus

Weren't we a grand couple at that last Wurzel dance,
I wore bran' new gators and me cor-de-roy pants
(ohh ahh, ooh ahh)
In your new Sunday dress with yer perfume smellin' grand
We had our photos took of us holdin' hands!

Now I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!
Now that we're both past our fifties, I think that you and me
Should stop this gallavanting and will you marry me?
'Cause I've got a bran' new combine harvester and I'll give you the key!

(Ahhhhh, you're a fine lookin' woman and I can't wait to get me hands on yer land)

Also by The Wurzels - The Blackbird

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Frivolous Sal
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 05:33 AM

There have been so many mentioned that I couldn't keep track. Here-after reading 350+ posts are my favorites - (recap)

"Feelings" has to be the top. "Teen Angel" surely equals it! "Afternoon Delight" "MacArthur Park," "Ballad of the Green Berets." "Chain Gang" "My Way" "Horse With No Name" "After the Loving" "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'round the Old Oak Tree" "Cherish" "Leader of the Pack" "Patches my darling of old shanty-town" "Go Tell Laura I Love Her" "White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation") "Paper Roses"

And my own additions -

"Splish Splash" (I was taking a bath all upon a Saturday night) and "Artificial Flowers" (Made for ladies of fashion to wear - the child dies at the end, I am surprised digitrad hasn't grabbed it) Both done by Bobby Darin "Big John" about a cave-in In the jungle, the mighty jungle, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" - I lived in Japan when that came out, the Far East Network did kid pop for an hour Saturday night. ("Top Twenty"). They sent someone to the States to see if we had the wrong version, and surprised us all by coming back with the same one. In spite of all her learnin'. to the bad I kept on turnin' "Momma Tried" is a family favorite. We were sure it was a joke, till a fan told us it was meant to be serious. "Running Bear" loved little White Dove/ with a love that couldn't die "Are you going to San Francisco? You better wear flowers in your hair". - What were they thinking? (someone else got it too.) "Kisses Sweeter than Wine" Get Michael out of his #*@$% boat please!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Frivolous Sal
Date: 25 Sep 02 - 05:41 AM

Folkies? Where? My introduction to Black Betty is an OLD Lomax recording. According to his notes, black betty refers to the whip used to beat the slaves - gives meaning to "Blam-ba-lam" and "dipped in gravy" Yes, Leadbelly did it too. I can't hear it without shuddering.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Firecat
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:02 PM

Sorry to refresh this again, but there's been an influx of rubbish pop songs!

Cheeky Girls "The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)"
Las Ketchup "The Ketchup Song"
Rikki and Daz "Rhinestone Cowboy"
George and Zippy "It's A Rainbow"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Beccy
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:10 PM

I don't know if there's anyone aside from me who endured high school in the early 80's but I have a few nominations:

Lies by the Thompson Twins
(insert song title here) by the Flock of Seagulls.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:18 PM

It's ba-a-a-a-a-ck!!! Yup, those dreadful pop songs just won't go away! Go down to MalWart right this minute, and listen to 'em on the Muzak! Buy 'em in the CD department! Play 'em in your car on the way home! Consume! Consume! Consume!

- LH

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:56 PM

"Like A Tiger" is up there too. Actually, anything by Fabian.

I'm a man! Yeah Yeah Yeah
I'm a man
Uh huh huh

Re: "Tell Laura I love Her". His name was Tommy and he died in a car race/crash trying to win money for an engagement ring for Laura.

"This Could Go On Forever" anyone know the artist (and I use the term loosely)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Cluin
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 06:03 PM

Worst poop song ever:

Animal crackers in my poop!
Through the intestine, loop the loop...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 06:54 PM

I just can't believe this list has existed for *over two years* without anyone nominating the following:

TAKE A LETTER MARIA
Words and music by R. B. Greaves

Last night as I got home about a half past ten
There was the woman I thought I knew
In the arms of another man
I kept my cool, I ain't no fool
Let me tell you what happened then
I packed some clothes and I walked out
And I ain't going back again

CHORUS:

So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Say I won't be coming home, gonna start a new life
So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life

You've been many things but most of all a good secretary to me
And it's times like this I feel you've always been close to me
Was I wrong to work nights to try to build a good life
All work and no play has just cost me a wife

CHORUS

When a man loves a woman it's hard to understand
That she would find more pleasure in the arms of another man
I never really noticed how sweet you are to me
It just so happens I'm free tonight
Would you like to have dinner with me

CHORUS

So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife
Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life

***

Nominations also for anything recorded by the Captain and Tennille, particularly (actually the only one I can remember) "Love Will Keep Us Together" -- and let's not forget that other Dynamic Duo, Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood, whose megahit "Some Velvet Morning" is virtually untoppable in the badness department. Though that one may be just due to their truly unique arrangement skills...

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,BusbitterfraeScotland
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 07:12 PM

Any mordern day songs that's in the charts, and Rap and anything else where you can't hear a tune and words.
Like Nirvana I think are shite, I mean all that Kirk Cubain did was shout, He couldn't sing and these Heavy metal bands, in other words I like music where you can hear the words and it has a tune.
I mean try and hum these so called tune that are played at raves and these other places where young people gather.
Mind you everyone is different.
Tom

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Sliding Down The Bannister At My Auntie's House
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 07:46 PM

it has to be "wonderful Tonight" by Dave Kenningham

Subject: ADDPOP Knock Three Times
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 11:08 PM

I suppose I'd vote for MacArthur Park. Hey, isn't there a parking garage under that park? Not really much to the park itself.

But hey, how could anybody forget "Knock Three Times"?
-Joe Offer-

TITLE: Knock Three Times
(1971, Irwin Levine & L. Russell Brown)
ARTIST: Tony Orlando and Dawn

Hey girl what ya doin' down there
Dancin' alone every night while I live right above you?
I can hear your music playin'
I can feel your body swayin'
One floor below me you don't even know me
I love you

{Refrain}
Oh, my darling
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me
Twice on the pipe if the answer is no
Oh, my sweetness
(Clink, clink, clink) Means you'll meet me in the hallway
Mmm, twice on the pipe means you ain't gonna show

If you look out your window tonight
Pull in the string with the note that's attached to my heart
Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

{Refrain}

Read how many times I saw you
How in my silence I adored you
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come apart

{Refrain}

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 11:39 PM

Muskrat Love was equally insulting to both muskrats and love.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Mrs Gerrard haha
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:24 AM

Any by Victoria "can't sing a note and smiles like shes in agony ( like us when she sings hahahahaha )" Beckham.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: madwaff
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 03:36 PM

Just found this thread.... Don't believe nobody's mentioned 'Lucky Stars' by Dean Freidman and some poor woman.....

Thanks guys - I now have the worst case of 'earworm' (those tunes -usually dreadful - that just wriggle into your head and stay there for days) I've EVER had.... even though the tunes keep changing..

aaargh

madwaff

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Tunesmith
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:44 PM

I haven't looked at every posting in this thread so this might have been said before 1) It is interesting that one person's "worst song" could be another's " favourite song" e.g. Clapton's " Wonderful Tonight" has that "worst or favourite" response 2) I think it is important for posters to explain their choices

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Desdemona
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 04:50 PM

This is a dangerous, dangerous topic, and I have to admit that Little Hawk set the bar veeerrryyy high 'way back in 2000 when he started this whole thing with Dan Hill....yeeesh.

That said, I 2nd his nomination, but feel constrained to add that amongst those who've posted it's hard to think of one REALLY EXECRABLE song that's been missed...the '70s are hands-down the most offendind decade in the history of mankind in this regard, I mean, what can you say about an era that gave us

Captain & Tennille
Donny & Marie
Paul Anka
TONY ORLANDO & DAAAWWWNNN....(oh, my head hurts)
Barry Manilow

Need I go on EXCEPT to add the following:

"It Must Be Him" by Vikki Carr
http://www.lyricsdepot.com/vikki-carr/it-must-be-him.html

Oh, yes, and all those dead sweetheart songs
"Patches, "Tell Laura I LOve Her" and "Teen Angel".....

Diabolical.

D.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 05:57 PM

Aside from "Feelings" I vote for "Do it in the Middle of the Road".
"Tie A Yellow Ribbon" is pretty up there too. But who said the pop field was great art?

Frank H.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Barb'ry
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 06:15 PM

Has no one mentioned 'Seasons in the sun' by some prat called Terry Jacks (I think). Hate it, hate it, hate it! But I agree that 'Havin my baby' is pretty puke worthy, as is 'I'd like to teach the world to sing', which although it might be a good idea, put me off Coke for a LONG time.
Barb'ry

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: izzy
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:06 PM

Le Moribond is a great song, but Seasons in the Sun is absolutely APPALLING. I've hated it with a passion ever since I was 12, which was when I first heard it on the radio (when you first hear a song THAT bad, it sticks.) It's a wonder it didn't put me off Jacques Brel for life.

And I didn't know that My Way was originally a French tune. Should have guessed. Chronic words. Somebody should start another thread for "worst English versions of foreign songs".

Cheers,

Isabel

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: izzy
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:16 PM

My contender for most cringe-making, claustrophobia-inducing song of all time is Mambo No 5 by Lou Bega. I have to listen to the damn thing EVERY WEEK at the swimming pool. GRR!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 09:29 PM

Many of the nominees are "songs we dislike the most". If you want the worst it has to be "Let's Dance" by Chris Montez.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: John P
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 10:06 PM

I don't have time to read the whole thread, but my candidates are "Honey", "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" and "Knock Three Times on the Ceiling". Maudlin schmaltz, insipid schmaltz, and offensive schmaltz.

John

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:26 PM

People mentioned "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" as being recorded by the 1910 Fruit Gum Company. I could swear it was the Ohio Express. 1910 Fruit Gum Company did "Simple Simon Says" which could easily qualify for this thread.

Somebody mentioned "It Must Be Him" by Vicki Carr and that one is pretty bad--I hated that song as a kid. God, I hated it.

Another I could never stand and I still have to hear it because the guy in the next office plays an oldies station all day is that "Build Me Up Butter Cup." I hated the song when it first came out and I still despise and lothe it with a passion.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 11:33 PM

Whoops, did anyone mention "Brandy" by Looking Glass and "Billy Don't Be A Hero" and "Seasons in the Sun" and "The Night Chicago Died" and "Chevy Van" and "Indiana Wants Me" and "I am I Said" and "Lonely Boy" and "Shannon" and "I'd Really Love to See You Tonight" and...oh god I have to hurl!!

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:58 AM

Wow, what a collection of truly bad music. My choice for sheer, unadulterated pukiness is everything by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Dave Barry published a book some time ago on the worst Pop Songs of all time, I keep a copy here in my studio and every client reads a bit then falls about laughing. My favorite quote is:-

"I think that "Ballerina Girl" is responsible for 90% of all violent crimes commited in North America today"

Buy it.....

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: wyllow
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 01:52 PM

Heyyyy! i really liked "Brandy" (when i was 13)
there was a song out about that same time (early 70s) that was about a guy whose mother died, dog died, goldfish died, girlfriend left him at the altar, and now he's contemplating suicide....yep, i'm talking about "Alone again, naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan. that has to get some votes here!
also i nominate "Sugar, sugar" by the Archies for pure Yukkk!

wyllow :)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,AR282
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 03:27 PM

"Alone Again Naturally" I was trying to think of that one and mercifully had forgotten it until now.

There was "Baby I Love You" by that godawful Andy Kim.

"Tracy" by the Cufflinks was another. The Cufflinks were really the Archies but I guess some contractual thing forced a name change. Jesus, they should have stayed the Archies, who the hell wants to be called the Cufflinks?

I never could stand that "Oh How Happy You Have Made Me" either.

As they used to say on "In Living Color" "Hated it!"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,aghast and agog
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 04:32 PM

My nominee will tug at your heartstrings:

PATCHES
Clarence Carter

SPOKEN:
I was born and raised down in Alabama
On a farm way back up in the woods
I was so ragged the kids would call me patches
Papa used to kid me about it
Of course deep down inside
He was thinkin he had done all he could do
My papa was a great old man
I can see him with a shovel in his hand
See, education he never had
But he did wonders when the time got bad
A little money from the crops he raised
Barely paid the bills we made
Oh life had kicked him down to the plow
When he tried to get up life would kick him back down
One day papa called me to his dyin bed
Put his hands on my shoulders And in tears he said
Patches, I'm depending on you son
To pull the family through My son, it's all left up to you

SPOKEN:
Two days later papa passed away
I became a man that day
So I told mama I was gonna quit school
But she said that was dad's strictest rule
So every morning 'fore I went to school
I fed the chickens and I chopped wood too
Sometimes I felt that I couldn't go on
I wanted to leave this but I wanted a home
But I always remembered what my daddy said
With tears in his eyes on his dyin bed
He said, "Patches, I'm depending on you son
I tried to do my best, It's up to you to do the rest

SPOKEN:
But then one day a strong rain came
And washed all the crops away
And at the age of thirteen I thought I was carrying
The weight of the whole world on my shoulders
And you know, mama knew what I was going through, Cause
Everyday I had to work the fields
Cause that's the only way we got our meals
You see, I was the oldest of a family
And everybody else depended on me
Every night I heard my mama pray
Lord, give him the strength to face another day
Though years have passed and all the kids are gone
I aimed to take my mama to a brand new home
God knows people that I shed a tear
My daddy's voice helped me through the years
Sayin, "Patches, I'm depending on you son
To pull the family through My son, it's all left up to you
I could still hear papa when he'd say
Patches, I'm depending on you son
I tried to do my best It's up to you to do the rest".

FADE

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 09:12 PM

It was worth the effort reading this thread to learn that Rupert Holmes of "Do You Like Pina Coladas" fame also wrote the classic "Timothy". Kinda makes ya' proud ta' be an American.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 10:05 PM

After a long and impoverished life, a folk singer dies. Due to a few
improprieties early on, he finds himself standing next to the devil justinside the gates of Hell.

"Oh great!" says the devil, "You're here! Everyone's been waiting for you."

The devil picks up the folksinger's guitar case and leads him over to a stage, where a large band is tuning up. There's one available chair. He sits down quickly, takes out his guitar, and begins to tune. As he does this, he looks around.

Next to him is sitting Leadbelly. Merle Watson is on the next chair down,and at the end of the row is Bill Monroe. He glances on the other side --and there's Ewan MacColl, Tony Rose and Derek Bell.

"Wow! This is absolutely amazing!" he exclaims. "This is the
best jam session I've ever seen -- are you sure this is Hell?"

The devil just points to the bandleader's podium, where Lawrence
Welk is standing, waving his baton and saying "And a one, and a two, and a 'Tie a yellow ribbon . . .'"

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,pdq
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:10 PM

Thanks, Frank. Great post! You contribute a great deal when you stay North of politics.

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST,Obie
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 05:04 AM

This Bed Of Rose's      (Stattler Bros.)

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: *Laura*
Date: 24 Apr 04 - 03:27 PM

Not really the worst - but with some pretty stupid lyrics:
"We go together like ramalamalama ka ding a da ding a dong. Remembered forever like she-bob de wadda wadda yipeddy boom de boom. Chang chang changedy chang she-bop, we'll always be together etc etc....."

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: Lancashire Lad
Date: 24 Apr 04 - 03:34 PM

God there are so many to choose from

Achy Breaky Heart
Agadoo
If (as hammed up by Telly Savalis)

These are 3 that spring to mind

LL

Subject: RE: Worst pop song ever!
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Oct 08 - 06:29 AM

Who wrote or sang the song...God didn't make little green apples