Worst Country Western Title

Subject: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: jimlad
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 06:07 AM

Can you beat these?.

"I was a pushover when she took off her pullover"

" All her ex's lived in Texas"

" Her teeth were green ,but she had a heart of gold"

" How can I say I'll miss you,when you won't go away?"

"Don't cry on my shoulder,you're rusting my spurs"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Bullfrog Jones
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 06:18 AM

That perennial favourite: 'Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life' and a new contender: 'I Gave Her My Ring,She Gave Me The Finger'.

BJ

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 07:24 AM

"You Stomped on my Heart and Smashed that Sucker Flat"---actually a country ripoff

"You're the Reason Our Kids are Ugly"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Greycap
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 07:37 AM

1. I'm so lonesome in the saddle since my horse died
2. Take yer tongue outa my mouth, I'm a-kissin' you goodbye
3. I got tears in my ears from lying on my back 'n' cryin' in my pillow over you
There's others....

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,Banjoman
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 07:37 AM

Try this one - from a Debbie Mclatchey LP " You were only Fu,,,,,ing while I was making love"

Subject: Lyr Add: THE COUNTRY SONG (Pearson & Thompson)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 08:14 AM

I have a list somewhere giving more titles - when I find it, I'll post it, but in the meantime enjoy this effort by 2 of Australia's funniest songwriters who have used titles of country songs to create a whole new song!

They are both excellent singers, & their act is a treat - silly stuff that gets me laughing till I cry, silly songs, mostly similarly titled: The (something) Song & serious songs too. Martin also works as a comedian & could get laughs from a recital of entries in the phone book. Last year Hrothgar put on a workshop of Stan Rogers songs at the National Folk festival in Canberra & John & Martin were part of the lineup.

THE COUNTRY SONG
c. Martin Pearson & John Thompson

Mama, get the hammer, there's a fly on Papa's head.
I've been roped and thrown by Jesus in the Holy Ghost corral.
I fell in a pile of you and got love all over me,
But who bit the wart off Grandma's nose?

Chorus: I wanna whip your cow; I wanna whip your cow,
'Cause you just can't play a sad song on a banjo, anyhow.
You done tore out my heart and you stomped that sucker flat.
You made toothpicks from the timbers of my heart.

If the jukebox took teardrops, I'd cry all night long.
You stuck my heart in an old tin can and shot it off a log.
Well, I guess if you can't feel it, then it ain't really there,
And the last word in lonesome is "me."

Repeat chorus

If I can't be number one in your life, number two on you.
I can't get over you, 'til you get out from under him.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here,
So I flushed you down the toilet of my heart.

Repeat chorus until tired, light blue touch paper and retire.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Brakn
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 08:25 AM

Who recorded this one?

"How Can I Say I Love You When You're Sittin' On My Face?"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Dharmabum
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 09:25 AM

IF I'M OVER YOU,HOW COME YOUR STILL UNDER ME?

DB.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,autopilot
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 09:38 AM

'She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft' was a hit a few years ago.

And Jim Post(of Friend and Lover fame)had one that went:

'She had a face like an oyster, but a heart like a pearl
My cornbread and bacon, sweet love-makin'
UGLY little country girl'

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 09:53 AM

Who needs imaginary ones, when the real ones are so good?

Who can forget "Pusan U" by Homer & Jethro, to the tune of "Sioux City Sue"?

"They asked me where I came from, and I said, "Oh, Pusan U."

or "Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens, and I Cried All the Way to Sears"?
(yes, I heard this...once..about 25 years ago)

get the definitive list here one of MY favorites...

"If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 10:44 AM

well...I should have known ....you can HEAR "Billy Broke My Heart at Wallgreen's", sung by Ruby Wright at Rose, the Record Lady's

go to the 'requests' section, and click on "Requests, page four".....other sites mention it...Rose has it!

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 10:57 AM

by the way...Rose has a page devoted to precise instructions about how to download, store, play and rename songs on your computer...This is especially important, as it saves her bandwidth and reduces her costs.

Go to http://recordlady.webgcs.com/dl.htm

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 11:18 AM

Martin Mull used to talk about a country song he was working on called 'Not tonight, I've got a Heartache'

I heard one once about a guy who mailed in a check after hearing a radio evangelist, then he worried he'd go to hell. It was called, 'I wrote a Hot Check to Jesus'.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Micca
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 02:48 PM

How about " Flushed from the Bathroom Of Your Heart" ( tune the Great specled bird/Honky tonk angels) by Johnny Cash it was rather short so I added a few verses to make a singable length.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 02:54 PM

I love Hank Williams...but I think "There's a Tear in my Beer" is a really dreadful song title. Sounds like something BDiBR would have come up with.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 03:17 PM

Kinky Friedman wrote 'Get your Biscuits in the Oven and your Buns in the Bed'.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: leprechaun
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 03:21 PM

I Can't Get Over You, So You'll Have To Get Up And Turn The Light Off Yourself

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 03:54 PM

I used to kiss her on the lips, but it's all over now.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Cornflake
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 07:43 PM

Some years back, I wrote a song called "Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You," which was later recorded by the Austin Lounge Lizards. I saw a newspaper article a couple of years later that included it in a list of songs with the worst titles. I was somehow pleased rather than offended.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 07:49 PM

If turkeys wrote C & W songs, there'd be one called...

"Basted Days and Basted Ni-i-ights"

I dogs did, there'd be one called...

"I Widdle on the Line"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: mack/misophist
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 09:51 PM

You people have no taste! Those are all wonderful titles. Don't you appreciate kitsch?

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Feb 03 - 10:10 PM

Song for dead skunks & possums:

"On The Road Again"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Jim Krause
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 12:03 AM

"You Done Stomped On My Heart" was written by Mason "Classical Gas" Williams.

Here are some I like:
Don't Run Through the Wheatfield Granny, You're Goin' Against the Grain

Don't Sit on the Stove Nellie, You're Too Old to Ride the Range

If We Go Among the Rocks, Maybe You'll Get a Little Boulder

I Took You To Florida, But I Only Wanted To Go To Tampa With You.

Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Genie
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 01:17 AM

Sandra, I love this line: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here!" Gotta make that 'un into a whole song.

Other really bad c/w song real song titles:

"I'm Having Day Dreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon"

"It Just Dawned On Me What Sundown Does To You" (Loretta Lynn)

And one I really LIKE:

"Thank God And Greyhound, You're Gone!"

Genie

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: DADGBE
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 01:42 AM

Those of you who read New York Magazine know that at the back of most issues is a competition in which readers are given a situation and asked to wisecrack. A recent one invited readers to invent titles for country songs. Here are some favorites:

I'm Proud to Be an Okie Singin' Karaoke

Some Assembly Is Required for the Pieces of My Heart

I'm Sending No More E-mail to My Female

I Only Miss You on a Day That Ends in Why

She Walked with Her Hair Held High

I Sent You My Love Priority Overnight but All I Got from You Was Second-day Air

Broken Down by Age and Sex

Ain't No Trash Been in My Trailer Since the Night I Threw You Out

I'll Take 'Heartbreak' for $500, Alex, Please

You Want to Get Hitched, but My Heart Is Filled with Whoa

Baked My Sweetie a Pie but He Left with a Tart

The Peach I Picked in Georgia Didn't Cling to Me for Long

I've Got a Rambler in My Driveway and a Rover in My Bed

Whacked Between the Eyes with the Two-by-Four of Love

Her Coffee's So Bad, I Got Grounds for Divorce

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 11:07 AM

I'm not sure if it counts as country, but I used to hear a lugubrious song that ended with the wonderful anticlimax

Is this the way it always is in Baltimore?

It still makes me smile.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Charley Noble
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 04:08 PM

Back in the dark ages there used to be a group out in Bloomington, Indiana, called Eclectricity that composed and sand the bipolar song "Goin' Back to Beethoven 'Cause Country Music Sucks". I'll transcribe the lyrics if you beg.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Joe_F
Date: 02 Feb 03 - 09:42 PM

I used to know someone who, during one of the less rational intervals in his life, got sucked in by Lyndon LaRouche's outfit. He told me that, come the revolution, they were going to "hang the Beatles by the balls and bring back Beethoven". That didn't fetch my vote, but among political slogans it certainly does rock.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Tinker
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 07:57 AM

Actually a book title...

I Still Miss My Man, but My Aim is Getting Better

Tinker

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Charley Noble
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 11:52 AM

I may have missed this title above:

"You stole My Wife, You Horsethief!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU'RE THE REASON OUR KIDS ARE UGLY
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 12:49 PM

I got a couple of PM's requesting the lyrics to one of the ones I mentioned, so here it is......

YOU'RE THE REASON OUR KIDS ARE UGLY: Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn.
Written by L.E. Dillon and Lola Jean White.
(© Coal Miner's Music Inc. / Sony-ATV Tree Publishing.)
Single release, 1978, and from "Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn", © 1984, MCA.

You're the reason I'm a-ridin' 'round on recapped tyres.
An' you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on walls.
An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.
Ah but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But' I love you just the same.

You're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop.
An' you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop.
You're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.
Oh, but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But' I love you just the same.

I guess that we won't ever have, everything we need.
'Cause when we get ahead, it's got another mouth to feed.

And that's the reason my good looks and my figure's gone.
And that's the reason I ain't got no hair to comb.
An' you're the reason our kids are ugly little darlins'.
Ah but looks ain't everything,
And money ain't everything.
But' I love you just the same.

Conway, why in the devil don't you gon and shave an' put on a clean pair of pants?

Loretta, look at yourself.
I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair an' go put on a little bit of make up.
An' get out of the housecoat before supper.

Ha! Well let me tell you somethin', Conway.
Considerin' everything I went through today, I look like a movie star.

Yeah, Ruth Cassidy!

Thank you.

Besides that, all of our kids took after your part of our family anyway.

Oh they did, huh? What about the one's that's bald?

Well, I guess you might say they took after me.

Fade out.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Merritt
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:03 PM

This isn't a title..it's a line from a beautiful country song that I really like called Making Believe. But it's still dumb. The first line in the bridge goes:

"Can't hold you close when you're not with me."

- Merritt

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Genie
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:21 PM

"That Cat Done Strayed (And Dumped Me In The Litterbox Of Love)"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Ballyholme
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:35 PM

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Barbara
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:55 PM

Possum In the Headlights of Your Love, by 'catter Sandy Bob, who has also written a song "Ain't Been No Trash in My Trailer Since I Threw You Out." He got the idea from the NY magazine list of titles.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Cornflake
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:55 PM

These titles make me remember others. A local guy here in Phoenix wrote one called "Loving You's the Dumbest ****ing Thing I Ever Did." When I lived in Austin, somebody had one called "I'm Going Back to Dallas, Texas, To See If Anything Is Worse Than Losing You."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: X
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 03:59 PM

"I kissed her red lips and left her behind for you."

"She's got freckles on her but she is nice."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: beadie
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:02 PM

Although the title's not so bad, I nominate "The World's Most Perfect Country Music Song" written by Steve Goodman (RIP) for David Allen Coe.

The last verse combines all of the tried and true cliches that have made country music so great.

- - - -
I was drunk the day my Mama got out of prison

When I drove to pick her up in the rain

But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck

She got runned over by the damned ol' train

CH:

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: beadie
Date: 03 Feb 03 - 04:08 PM

(Please excuse the "premature nocturnal submission" above.

Although the title's not so bad, I nominate "You Never Even Called Me By My Name" (The World's Most Perfect Country Music Song) written by Steve Goodman (RIP) for David Allen Coe.

The last verse combines almost all of the tried and true cliches that have made country music so great.

- - - -
I was drunk the day my Mama got out of prison

When I drove to pick her up in the rain

But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck

She got runned over by the damned ol' train

CH:

   And I'll hang around as long as you will let me

   I never minded standing in the rain

   You don't have to call me darling, darling

   You never even called me by my name

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,d_hand
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 05:36 AM

'Work your fingers to the bone , what do ya get??
Boney Fingers, Boney Fingers'

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: alanabit
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 06:45 AM

I always liked the first line to an Alan Taylor song, but I do not know if the title was as unfortunate. It went,
             "It wouldn't be so hard if I didn't love you..."

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 08:37 AM

"Third-rate romance, low rent rendezvous" by the Amazing Rhythm Aces.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,Geordie
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 08:41 AM

Here are a few of my favourites.......he's a getter, when his wife gets off work he goes n gets her. Also, My husband has a way with women, he's away with one now.

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: reggie miles
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 10:23 AM

The Tears Of Her Eyes Washed Out The Bridge Of Her Nose, I Knew You Really Missed Me Honey When The Ashtray Flew Past My Head gleaned rom the Geezenslav (

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: JenEllen
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 11:21 AM

From "I Kissed the Bus"

Last Christmas I gave her a ticket home to Mama
She been threatening to use it
She finally did today
When I took her to the station
I didn't kiss her 'bye
But I kissed the bus for hauling her away

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: robomatic
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 11:36 AM

"I hate every bone in her body but mine"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: beadie
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 01:50 PM

"Thank God and Greyhound, you're gone"

Subject: RE: BS: Worst Country Western Title
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Feb 03 - 01:56 PM

Howdy Jake! How'd ya come ta hurt ya laig? I didn' come ta hurt ma laig, ah came ter fix the roof.
Yup.....Giok

Subject: RE: Worst Country Western Title
From: Acorn4
Date: 03 Sep 10 - 06:49 AM

My personal favourite is by Pam Tillis:-

They call me Cleopatra, 'cos I'm the Queen of De-nial"

Subject: RE: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,MC Fat (at work)
Date: 03 Sep 10 - 07:33 AM

My tears have washed I Love You from the blackboard of my heart

Subject: RE: Worst Country Western Title
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 03 Sep 10 - 08:41 AM

"The Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying"

Subject: RE: Worst Country Western Title
From: olddude
Date: 03 Sep 10 - 08:51 AM

Let me sleep in your arms tonight Mister

that ranks right up there also