What the worst song you ever heard !!!

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Gareth
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 03:43 PM

Ard Mhacha,

I dont suppose Rudyard Kipling was that happy either !

Gareth

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: ard mhacha
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 03:36 PM

I once heard Frank Sinatra singing The Road to Mandalay, not a bad song, but this arrangement was toe-cringing, Frankie boy even managed to include "broads", Peter Dawson turned in his grave. Slan Ard Mhacha.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 02:38 PM

Yeah, I couldn't stand "Evergreen" either, but I generally have a really hard time tolerating Barbra Streisand...not to say she isn't talented...I just don't like her style. Same for Sinatra. I always got the feeling with Frank that I would have been willing to walk 5 miles out of my way to avoid his company at any time.

And I like Shirley MacLaine. Funny, isn't it?

Kim - I was neutral on Adam Cartwright...it was Hoss and Pa that I really couldn't stand.

- LH

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: M.Ted
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 02:19 PM

There are bad songs, and then there are bad songs. I have to confess that some songs, like "Seasons in the Sun" and "Kung Fu Fighting" have a quality of badness that is almost transcendental--when you hear them, you get that feeling of shock and amazement, almost like seeing a great whale--there are a bunch of other songs, like "Billy, Don't Be a Hero" "The Night Chicago Died", "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree", "Joy to the World" that were profoundly trite, and which annoy to the point of delight--Or those wonderful "Lobo" and Bread songs--that are so gooey that they make you laugh. Then there are the weird songs, like DOA, or the maudlin, morbid songs, that are fun because they are so far over the edge.

The songs that I don't like are the ones that are not particularly memorable, except for their insincerity--things like "Evergreen", which is a vehicle for gushing fake emotions, or "I Want to Be an Engineer" in which the songwriter debases a pathetic protagonist to make some political points--Then there is "Little Willie", I never wanted that mindless, drunken goon at my party!

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 01:55 PM

Did anyone mention ABBA?

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 12:47 PM

Oh come on, now, Adam Cartwright was my first crush!

Admittedly, the show is hokey. It's probably more sentimental value to me than anything.

The theme to Eight is Enough was pretty hokey too.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 10:53 AM

"Ground control to Major Spaw
Commencing countdown, shut your jaw
As the song begins, take five and stand in awe..."

I figure David Bowie wrote it (Space Oddity) just for Catspaw, unlike the rest of his catalog which was written for Iggy Pop.

Kind of like that talking bass...

- LH

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Bob P
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 10:49 AM

This is surely among the most entertaining of "regular returning topics".

Some listed here are among my favorites, but that's as it should be.

Last time I nominated JL's "Revolution 9" which I noticed has acquired some company now from the White Album.

This time I'll choose . . .

K. Rogers "The Gambler" (who's only advice should have involved smoking). A parody, set in a laundrymat, by a folky named Greg Trafidlo is really clever, though. And, oh, I get upset just thinking about this turkey. V. Lawrence's "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia", wherein we are introduced to about ten characters, each at bit more rotten than the last, and none I would ever care to run into.

Lets see now; kid sister does murder, takes a powder, then suddenly turns up moments after her brother swings, for a murder he was about to do, cept she beats him to it. And the point? Condemn, the Georgia criminal justice system! No Appeals? No ballistics? No defense? Judge got his law degree from Sally Stuthers institute? A jury comprised of Gomers and Goobers? Made you kinda proud to be a Georgian? I can see why Johnny Rocker wanted to pitch there.

Musta done wonders for tourism.

Actually, I've met many fine people who call that part of the country home.

Hey, perhaps the point was to keep people from moving there.

Ya think?

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 10:35 AM

Geez. I just absolutely hated Bonanza. I used to call it "Labonza" instead (got that from Mad Magazine). As far as I'm concerned, Lorne Greene was the tackiest actor of all time...except for Ronald Reagan and Jerry Lewis!

Ah hah! I see the germination of a new thread here...be afraid, be very afraid!

Spaw - Listen to it again. You're not a complete idiot, so I'm sure realization will dawn... :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 10:25 AM

Lemme just say, Bonanza is my favorite TV show of ALL time and I am pissed that Taco Bell is using the Bonanza theme to sell their cruddy tacos. (of course, when you're hungry and all you got's a dollar, them taco's ain't so cruddy)

Gosh Kendall, I almost bought a mini Etch-a-Sketch at a yard sale last week, but someone beat me to it. It was one of my favorite toys as a child...

If Mister were here, he might vote for Crocodile Rock.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: LR Mole
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 09:27 AM

"We've got a right to pick a little fight for Bonanza
If anyone fights anyone of us, he's gotta fight with me
" Believe it or not, this was done as a "singing finale" to the show once: as each Cartwright did his part, he'd then gallop away. Well, so would I. Boy is this thread a house of horrors.
Oh, no. Cross-song pollination is occurring."It's a Mudcat, after all; it's a Mudcat after all...there is just one Max, Kendall, Joe and Spaw..." Ride Digital Trad Mountain!

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:26 AM

Oh gawd....Bless you ddw!!! Another ALW non-fan. Sometimes I feel so alone.............All his "melodies" sound so contrived and the words are................I dunno'.................they're words I guess, but geeziz..................On several occasions, I've tried to be "fashionable" and listened to others extolling his virtues until nausea set in.............I just can't stand the stuff! Lock me in a room with Snoop Doggy.....ANYTHING but hearing anymore from Andy!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: RangerSteve
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:00 AM

Little Hawk - OK, putting it that way, I guess it makes a little more sense. I'll have to give it another listen sometime.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: kendall
Date: 09 Aug 01 - 07:00 AM

Rap is to music what etch-a-sketch is to art.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: ddw
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 11:16 PM

This is downright silly. You want us to pick the WORST song? With all of the rap, disco, heavy metal and punk rock out there and you want us to pick a Worst? You could also add hundreds of really inane songs from musical theater, a whole gaggle of country and pop songs and even a lot of opera. I'd nominate almost anything by Andrew Lloyd Webber or the Beatles. Talk about pap and drivel.....

And then there's "Don't Worry, Be Happy" and "Who Let The Dogs Out?"

Oh jeez.....don't let me get started......

david

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:48 PM

Uh-huh..........Now just wait til he delves into the intricacies of "Space Oddity" and the symbolic voyage of Major Tom, psychotic astronaut.

Spaw

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:14 PM

RangerSteve - Gotta disagree with your assessment of "Stuck Inside of Mobile.."

"Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again". Maybe there's a deep, meaningful message here, but I'd prefer to know that Dylan purposely wrote it as pure nonsense, and is getting a real kick out of listening to people try to find a meaning to it all.

Message? Dylan was not writing songs with messages in them in 1965-66. What he was writing, as he pointed out to Phil Ochs at the time, was songs about personal feelings. Of course there is no message in "Stuck Inside of Mobile...". What there is...is a great deal of satirical comment on various games people play...a train of images and vignettes...an exposure of various forms of social hypocrisy and alienation (Dylan's). Bob was feeling very alienated at the time. This kind of song is not too hard to write or to relate to if you just let the images flow, and go with the feeling. That does not rate it as meaningless, although it is unconventional to most people.

Besides which, it sounds great musically.

It's not an A + B - D = C kind of song, but it's definitely meaningful. You don't have to engage in linear logic to establish meaning.

That's my take on this one. Each verse is a song in itself. Dylan didn't premeditate this stuff, he wrote it instinctively, and it wasn't nonsense, although that doesn't mean he knew consciously what it meant at the time either...but he knew how it FELT. That's what made it work.

I've heard attempted parodies of this period of Dylan's writing, and they don't work...cos they don't have the feeling, just a mental game of quasi-imitation.

- LH

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Finny
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:12 PM

Yeah, Seasons in the Sun's pretty bad. My Dad used to bloody sing that to me when we were out fishing. He figured he had a captive audience out there in the boat. I would almost walk on water to get away from it. The he would start up with
"We had joy, we had fun, flicking boogies at the sun, when the sun got too hot, then our boogies turned to snot"
But my all time pet most hated song would have to be Push th' Little Daisies by Ween. If that don't irritate you, then there's not much else that will.
Finny

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:03 PM

Okay Gang.....Let's not forget those NUMBER ONE on the charts things either. I mean "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks is really hideous with that hoppy-hokey melody line and inane lyrics!

And speaking of #1's and inane lyrics, let's not forget the most successful B-side of all time, a throwaway that went to the top of the charts and was Chuck Berry's biggest hit......."My Ding-A-Ling".............

Spaw

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:39 PM

Bear tracks.
Poor Elaine Smith.
Papa dont whip little Benny.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: GUEST,Denise:^)
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM

We've got a lot of stinkers here, all right...

One of my favorites, though, when it comes to talking about bad songs, are the people who don't even get the point that PPM's 'I Dig Rock & Roll Music' really means just the opposite...

"But, if I really say it,
The radio won't play it
And so I'll lay it between the lines..."

(BTW, Dave Barry speculated that Neil Diamond wrote the line about the chair because he'd already rejected "like Smokey the Bear," and "I have nits in my hair." I think he might be right.)

Has anyone ever heard, "Willie Roy, the Crippled Boy?" Right up there with 'Teddy Bear,' IMO.

Denise:^)

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:13 PM

Choosing among the stuff that comes out of loudspeakers would be a dreadful task. Confining myself to songs that have been sung my human beings in my presence, I would say "Harriet Tubman" has most often driven me to the kitchen. Every line in it is embarrassing.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 05:08 PM

Kim C - yeah, I remember Telephone Man. I almost mentioned it, but it didn't fit in with my posting about obsessive boyfriend songs. Thanks for doing the dirty work for me.

Deck of Cards is right up there with Teddy Bear as one of the worst recitations ever. They never say whether or not the judge fell for the whole cards/bible thing, but I'd like to know that he gave the guy life in prison. Preferably with hard labor.

"Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again". Maybe there's a deep, meaningful message here, but I'd prefer to know that Dylan purposely wrote it as pure nonsense, and is getting a real kick out of listening to people try to find a meaning to it all.

"I am, I cried, to no one there, and no one heard me at all, not even the chair". A chair is not "no one" it's a thing. And chairs don't hear. Why does that come as a surprise to Neil Diamond?

All the songs from "Cats".

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 05:08 PM

LMAO Jeri....Great line!!!

I dunno' Kendall.......I tell ya' though we make jokes about it and all, but trad stuff often deals with dead/lost loves and that's okay, but so many of them are just plain psychotic!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Puflet
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 05:02 PM

'January' by Pilot; this also has the distinction of being one of the worst number ones of all time too. I notice that someone's mentioned 'Sugar Baby Love'.

Well yes

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 04:42 PM

We seem to be coming close to a consensus.

Teddy Bear by Red Sovine.

Honestly I can't think of a worst one

"And them trucks was line up for ten city blocks to give ole Teddy Bear a ride.

It's corny, it got that weepy country talking, it plays the sympathy card to an embarrassing degree. It's about truckers and CB's. How could it be worse????

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 04:39 PM

Who remembers Telephone Man? heeheeheehee

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 04:23 PM

Now you are getting personal Spaw! I see Banks of the Ohio as a good example of the difference between love and obsession.
Besides, Knoxville Girl is worse.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 04:14 PM

It's a guest horse, Spaw. It doesn't have to have a name if it doesn't want one.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:59 PM

I'm still opting for "Honey" but a lot of these have merit as absolutely stupid/awful/worst.

Oh yeah, you gotta' include "MacArthur Park" in any list like this........Someone left the cake out in the rain......They did? Well fuckem'.......

And what about "Whiter Shade of Pale?" I mean what is that anyway? A whiter shade of pale............yeah, right..............completely moronic.........Of course stupidity has never stopped pop hits, like, say, "Horse with No Name"......Why not give the damn thing a name?

While we're at it, let's not forget really dumb trad/folk stuff like "Banks of the Ohio." What a psychopath that asshole was..........I have to kill her because I love her?.......uh,huh...........The guy needed professional help.

Spaw

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:03 PM

Has everyone FAILED to mention, what I finally remembered is the worst song I think I have EVER heard...

Brand New Key

With Midnite at the Oasis coming in a close second.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 02:16 PM

Anybody remember Lorne Greene singing a set of words to the theme from Bonanza? Never did figure the words out.

Now, if you get into renditions of songs, then there's a fertile field. I nominate William Shatner doing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From:
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 02:05 PM

This question has been asked repeatedly of DJs and artists and one particular song that has frequently won the Amana refrigerator is...

Peter, Paul and Mary with "I Dig Rock and Roll Music"

A self-serving, cynical and ill-advised rant at the end of their waning popularity and no help at all to their talented careers.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: fat B****rd
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:59 PM

Hey Ranger Steve that's "Dont't you want me baby" by T'Human League. I too hate "Feelings" especially when sung on a stool by somebody who sings with their eyes closed.But the real gruesome one for me is that "Teddy Bear" or whatever, something to do with a convoy of CB truckers. Blecchh

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:50 PM

I couldn't put MacArthur Park od Suzanne on my list of worst songs ever written. But certianly the would go on my list of worst songs SUNG, especially Shatner's version og MacArthur Park BRRRRRRRRRRR.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:31 PM

flintstones, meet the flintstones

they called him flipper, flipper, flipper

Daniel Boone was a man, a big man

rollin rollin rollin keep those dogies rollin

there Kendall, does that help?!

(ducking and running!!!!!!!!) ;-D

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:09 PM

IT HAS TAKEN ME 13 years to get "Small world after all" out of my head! Thanks a lot Bat!!

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Kim C
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:01 PM

Lemme think on this one... Children of the Sun was pretty bad... anything by Loverboy... Raggedy Ann by Little Jimmy Dickens...speaking of Little Jimmy, Mister hates Death in the Family... if you grew up in the South like me you are probably SICK TO DEATH of Free Bird...

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:03 PM

Winchester Cathedral

(It's a) Small World (oh, damn -- even thinking about it obliquely means I'll have the bloody thing in my head all day!)

Mary Black trying to sing "Men of Worth" and totally screwing up the lyrics

That stupid pseudo-Celto thing "I Will Go, I Will Go" that a pair of otherwise perfectly nice friends sing.

Sorry to be pissy; it's the heat. (No, it isn't; it's the humidity.)

Bat Goddess, going off to look for a thread where she can say something nice about someone or something

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: GUEST,djh
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 11:26 AM

Anything by Metallica, or Twisted sister ect... How could Leonard Cohen and the Beatles be on this list while the real worst songs ever made are on the radio somewhere right now.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Grab
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 10:36 AM

OH, and cf. "Suzanne" to the "Bad timing" thread. Never sing this unless the whole pub is drunk and maudlin - it's a good 2am song.

Graham.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: LR Mole
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 10:24 AM

Hey! I like a lot of these! (Well, not a lot. Some.)(Well, the Beach Boys.) (And there was a time when the ability to play "Suzanne" convinced coeds you were a Sensitive, Poetical Soul, even if you were not.)BUT through solo act, lots of bands, and even crooning on the Potted Palm circuit, I have NEVER sung "Feelings".(Whoa, whoa, whoa...) Man's gotta know his limitations.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:54 AM

The Beatles wrote a song called "Run For Your Life" : Run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head in the sand, little girl, catch you with another man, that's the end, little girl.

Later, in one of the verses is the line:" I'd rather see you dead, little girl, than to see you with another man."

We don't need songs about stalkers from the stalkers viewpoint. What were L. and M. thinking?

Another one, I don't know the title, but it has the line: don't, don't you want me, you know that I can't stand it when you say that you won't see me." and later: "you better change your mind or we will both be sorry". Sounds like he's planning a murder/suicide.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Grab
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 09:49 AM

I don't believe it, not a single mention of Frankie Vallie's entire back catalogue. Or the interchangeable early Beach Boys tat (you can see the conversation now: "What's this one about?" "Oh, just another one about cars and surfboards, with our nuts in trapped in a drawer." "Cool, let's do it."). And no-one's spotted "Sugar baby love" either.

Trouble is, there's always some dodgy songs you like, for no apparent reason. I'm a sucker for power ballads, so "She's like the wind" (Patrick Swayze) and "Will you" (Hazel O'Connor), for example, are songs I like but I know I shouldn't, cos they're a bit tacky.

Graham.

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: GUEST,Captain Swing
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 08:41 AM

'Don't Pass Me By' - written by Ringo on the White Album

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: kendall
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:53 AM

Abba Dabba honeymoon.
Bobbys Girl
It's my party (I'll cry if I want to)
Stand by your man

The world is full of beautiful music, why do people listen to such clap trap?

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Cappuccino
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 07:46 AM

'Not a dry seat in the house' is an old cabaret-artist phrase, which can signify achieving taking the audience to extreme emotion of either sorrow or joy - or indeed hysterical laughter. The interesting aspect of the country music suggested by Spaw is that all these different effects can be seen on different people in the same audience!

Taking the physical aspect of this discussion to a whole new low, I'm told that after the Beatles concerts of the mid-60s, the theatre aisles were literally awash.

-IanB

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Shields Folk
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:42 AM

Ian B, why would a country song make the auidience wet themselves?

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: Cappuccino
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 05:56 AM

Oh Catspaw, not * everything * by Red Sovine...! I used to play Phantom 309 nightly in a country band, and there wasn't a dry seat in the house, so it made me a few bob (to use an English phrase). But I agree, a full album of that stuff has you reaching for the bottle, pretty damn quick. May I nominate Charlie Rich (I think) and Behind Closed Doors, which I've always thought of as the most crass male chauvinist piggery I've ever heard.

- Ian B

Subject: RE: What the worst song you ever heard !!!
From: mooman
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 03:36 AM

Mentioned many times here in the past as a strong contender and IMHO still the absolute pits...MacArthur Park.

mooman