What is the worst song you ever heard?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: belter
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

I think maybe the worst song I ever heard was the theam song to a short lived action sit com staring Bruce Camble (I forget the name of the sitcom) as a revelutionary war hero sent on a diplomatic mision to some obscure corner of the world to get rid of him(wise of them). The song murdered the tune to "the Battle of New Orleans"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:37 PM

FFEEEEEEELLLLINGGGGSSSSS whoa whoa whoa FFFEEEELLLLIIINNGGSSSSS
Has to be the worst
BUT
I did remember another piece of crap from around the same time.

"Here I Stand"
The bride is in love with the best man but doesn't want the groom to know. The best man knows but also doesn't want the groom to know. AND the groom knows.

"Here I stand
His ring is on my hand
But he's second best in my heart
He loves me so
Oh Lord don't let him know
That I'm only playing a part."

Great message for the under fourteen crowd. No wonder 50% of all marriages fail.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: KateG
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:16 PM

"They're coming to take me away, ha ha, he he..."

Aged 14 or thereabouts we used to listen to this incessantly till Star Trek came on. I surprised that none of my girlfriends or I were the subject of well-deserved infanticide.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,tony
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM

MY Ding-a-ling -By Chuck Berry and " Don"t Worry, Be Happy.
Those 2 are a hundred times worse than " We built this City " by the Starship

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JennyO
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:55 PM

I vaguely remember a thing called "5 minute love affair". It was sort of spoken by someone with a deep and mournful voice, and accompanied by a twangy guitar backing.

I don't remember most of the words, but towards the end there were these fragments that I remember -

After she had taken me for all that *****
She left me **** *** ********, and smouldering all alone
*****************************************

and the final punchline -

You think I have no feelings, cos I'm just a cigarette.

Anyone else remember more of this?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:56 PM

Tincap you got it right!

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:53 PM

I still stand by my first denuciation in another thread. McArthur's Park has to be the worst song anyone has had to melt in a park to.

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 05:02 PM

Little Hawk, I have heard it sung in German. What's worse is that I understand that language. Believe me, it was no reason to develop a greater love for either the "song" or the German language. I think that the appalling song about sitting in the back seat was called "Seven Little Girls". Trust you to remind me of something I would rather have forgotten... If either you or Brucie really does put that Star Trek has been up to that prank, believe me, terrible things will happen. I know not yet just what they will be, but they shall be called the terrors of the earth! (Unquote, misquote).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:51 PM

GUEST Shlio: Your problem is that you imagine her with the bikini ON. Imagine her with the bikini off, and listening to Shatner's "Greatest Hits." Your worries about the song will fade away in sexual bliss. Bliss, I tell you.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:45 PM

"Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" was also recorded in the German language! You've gotta hear it to believe it.

It was among the most frequently played novelty songs of the 60's, which included great works like "Monster Mash", "MacArthur Park", "Winchester Cathedral", "Ahab the Ay-rab", "Alley Oop", "Huggin' and a-kissin' with Fred (in the back seat)", "Snoopy and the Red Baron", and "One-eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater". A lot of those fell in the category of one-hit wonders. Bob Dylan wrote none of them. :-)

Now if William Shatner could be persuaded to record a modern compilation disc of the best (or worst) of these 60's novelty tunes, I should think it would be just unforgettable, conveying a resonance of those historic times that would be, well, timeless...

I'm gonna call him up on the weekend and suggest it.

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:33 PM

Was it Brian Hyland? Yeah, it was ghastly!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:19 PM

There is a song that I always get stuck in my head. I have no idea who sang it, when they sang it or why they sang it. I only know eleven words and a tiny part of the tune, and I'm not even sure where I heard it or if I ever did.
Nevertheless, when my mind goes blank the words drift across my defenceless mind..."it was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini..."
HELP!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 02:55 PM

You are quite right of course. I should have known. In fact I did know better. Next time I shall wake up before typing! Thanks for the correction.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JJ
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 09:04 AM

Alan, that was the 1910 Fruitgum Company. 1812 is an overture. You also appear to have conflated TS Eliot with PT Barnum. ;-)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:23 AM

You have a perverse imagination, don't you LH? I don't doubt that your proposal for a horrendous medley would rake in the dollars. You had better not play it within my hearing though!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 06:06 PM

'Rock Me Amadeus'
The Greats of Manilow: I Write The Songs, Mondy, but in particular Copacabana
Any songs where adults mimic children singing super syrupy, such as that one about Jesus not liking when adults are mean to widdle childwen
Nearer my god to thee
and the one which is dreadfully great, but I have to close my eyes when I write the name or else the damn thing will recycle in my synapses for about 16 hours: Turning Japanese

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 05:32 PM

That's funny, alanabit. That's exactly the same thought I had upon hearing "I Will Survive". Ironical, isn't it? A medley of "I Am Woman"/"I Will Survive"/"You and Me Against the World" would be a killer disc! Perhaps Mariah Carey could be persuaded to do it?

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 03:24 PM

I believe that Mony Mony was by Tommy James and the Shondells and Simon Says was by the 1812 Fruitgum Company. They were both from the sixties - allegedly the golden age of pop music. I think Gloria Gaynor was the first to unleash "I Will Survive" upon us. Like Strolling Johnny, my first thought on hearing it was, "I hope you don't love" - well - as a pop star anyway. That was the early seventies, so I guess it belonged alongside other pieces of its time like "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" - (very cheap but not particularly chirpy peice about a rapidly vanishing family).
Frank Farian was/is indeed German, El Greko. If you think he was bad, you should hear Dieter Bohlen, famous wife beater and perpetrator of garbage like "Brother Louie". TS Barnum should have been born into this age. There's one born every second these days!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:21 PM

'Without You' by some twallop called Nilsson.
'Mony Mony' by some ultra-forgettable seventies group.
'I will Survive' by any twerp who ever sang it.
'Simon Says' by another dopey seventies group.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 06:46 AM

O yes, Baccarat - thanks, alanabit, for bringing the horrible memories back to mind...
Boney M were a German creation too, weren't they? Their "Rasputin" would have started a revolution by itself (of music lovers).
OK, the Greeks are not innocent either. Demis Roussos' voice still rings out in my nightmares, like a cat being put through the mangle - slowly. "Rain and Tears" caused me to cry for all the wrong reasons.
And how abput Tiny Tim's voice, now, there was a case worthy of a muzzle...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 07:59 PM

Nice to see that the rotten songs are still rolling in!

You know, it's a damn shame that Red Sovine never recorded a collaboration album with William Shatner, and an even greater shame that Big Bill never recorded his own version of "Girl On The Billboard". It would have undoubtedly ROCKED!

I'll put in another nod for the theme of "Titanic".

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: rock chick
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 04:53 PM

chicken in a basket..........I HATE IT...nothing more to say about it. Grrrrrrrrrrr

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: tempora
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 08:23 AM

Feelings ('nothing more than *dramatic pause* feelings...') ARGH!

& something that goes 'I don't know much, but I know I love you'

I REALLY REALLY hate Stoney...

Seasons in the Sun

Cycles ('So I'm down & so I'm out, but so are many others...') Some silly thing about after winter spring comes. The tune's abominable too.

Not forgetting Simple Man by Charlie Daniels band... Xenophobic racist load of s**t

The thing about these terrible songs is you NEVER forget them. & they just play in your head, and play... and play...

Oh & that version of Bach's double violin concerto where they replaced the violins with voice. Major YUCK.

Cheerios

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: matai
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 06:42 AM

Here in NZ 'Ten Guitars' or 'Me and Bobby McGee' always bring on the groans but then most of Leonard Cohen's do as well and he's a great song-writer so there is no accountin' for taste. A musician friend of mine got hold of 'Ten Guitars' and turned it into something like a Beethoven concerto for guitar...very cool.

Matai

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:27 PM

Well, I figure I'll break some new ground here. "Teen Angel" is both good and bad. It's schmaltzy but good. Name a few others like that. "Tell Laura I Love Her" qualifies. "Patches" doesn't, because it is one of the greater ballads of all time, despite what folks will say. So?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 07:10 AM

El Greko's singing nightmare from Spain was called Baccarat, I believe. They seem to have been forgotten now, which is not a bad thing.
My own least favourite song of the seventies was probably "Daddy Cool" by Boney M. The ladies who had to sell this trash were joined onstage by a little wriggling man. He resembled a worm being toasted. This was the brainchild - or perhaps brain damage - of the German producer Frank Farian. He imported three competent West Indian lady singers and got them to chant a football crowd chorus, written in fake American slang, and recorded the ensuing abomination over an electronic drumbeat. It was moronic in a new sort of way - quite groundbreaking at the time. And what a horrible time it was. Inflation rose. Unemployment rose. Margeret Thatcher rose. Sales of nasty, brutish disco records rose. Not much nostalgia for those days!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,pattyClink
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 04:23 PM

"The Wedding" or "Irish Wedding Song" or whatever they call it. Stupefyingly bad. It's painful to hear people try to sing it well, it can't be sung well cause it stinks!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: iancarterb
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 09:45 PM

I did see one mention of Eve of Destruction scanning the responses, but it seems everyone has repressed The Ballad of the Green Berets!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 08:37 PM

Believe me if it hadn't broken, Brucie, I'd have taken a 9 lb hammer to it. What more can I say? it was probably made in China!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Bad Dog
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 05:45 PM

I can't believe the thread has gone on for this long without anyone mentioning the collected works of Burt Bacharach! From "Do you know the way to San Jose?" to whatever, they consisted of utterly banal lyrics set to tunes that were, sort of,well, "anti-music."

The metrical structure was usually symmetrical but jarring, and the melodies seemed to conform to some abstract rules about what notes theorietically went together but never, ever, sounded like a real tune.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 04:53 PM

Joe Richman: You did that well. Sounded so sincere. "Honest, officer, I don't know HOW that gun got in my holster." LOL

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: maire-aine
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 12:41 PM

I don't know if it's the worst, but the one I hate most is Sonny's Dream.

M.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:08 PM

Brucie...believe it or not I didn't break it. It was a cheap toy bought at a gas station, and it just broke of it's own shoddy accord. A shoddy toy playing a shoddy tune. Imagine that!!

Joe

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:43 PM

And exactly WHERE was the mistletoe hanging?

(Lotsa latitude for the wags on this one!)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 08:26 PM

I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus..

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 08:11 PM

This is an answer to another thread. McArthur's Park is the alltime worst song ever written with really sappy lyrics. "Someone left the cake out in the rain?" Give me a break!

Peter

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM

Joe Richman:

How'd you break it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:14 PM

Are you all fogetting Achy Breaky Heart? I sure wish that I could as well! Not only was it awful but it seemed to top the charts forever. If this was not the worst ever it sure had to be the most agrivating.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Maurice Mann
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 03:52 PM

Deck of Cards, by everybody that ever recorded it!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: LNL
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 03:41 PM

Well, I hope this isn't sacrilege around here, but: anything I've ever heard by the Kingston Trio. Unfortunately, my dad had a fondness for them when I was little. I still haven't recovered!

Also due to my dad, "Slack Your Rope, Hangman." He thought that what I'm guessing was the PP&M version was a suitable lullaby. He would croon and I would go into hysterics until my mother stepped in.

Not sure if this is the title, but "Ghost Riders in the Sky"... another one I was terrified as a toddler.

For sheer annoyance, "I am Woman" tops my list. On the other hand, I'm secretly a fan of "Leave me Alone (Ruby Red Dress)," "Delta Dawn," and "Angie Baby."

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Pete Betts
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:47 PM

Guest Guest
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:16 PM
Thanks a million
Mike Berry (1963)it was - what a goldmine of info.
Apologies to Mr Dale.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:19 PM

Oh.....I wouldn't thank me yet....hehehehehehehe

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:42 PM

Amergin: THAT'S IT! Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I'm free at last. (You ever need a favour--someone's knees broken, don't want the body found, like that, you let me know). Now I can let it go. Thank you, thank you. You are my new hero. Sorry to Bill Shatner (and his doppelganger, Little Hawk).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: VIN
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:51 AM

Probably our national anthem!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Hugh Jampton
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM

Brucie,
       So as not to let you escape you will no doubt recall "--they even got a bear in the air!"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:58 AM

that giddy up go song thing....red sovine....like anything else he ever did...pure trash.

Brucie...that's not the song Convoy by CW McCall is it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:34 AM

Oh yeah, my wife's brother gave her a toy gorilla that played the Macarena. Thankfully it broke within a day. What an awful tune!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:30 AM

I'm not sure what the worst I've ever heard is but in the last 5 min it's 'Girls just want to have fun".

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:12 AM

Yeah. Did that one night on stage. Was singing something or other and mentally occupied with what I was gonna do later that night. Forgot not only what words acme next, I also had no idea what song I was doing. But I guarantee it wasn't the bears as thick as trees thing. And there it is again!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:59 PM

Sorry Brucie, no one can help. You are forever destined to have these words zooming around in your brain. You may be 95 with severe alzheimers sitting in the rest home, chattering away and infecting other ancients with ditties about "bears as thick as trees" until the nursing staff give serious consideration to converting the place to an insane asylum.
In the meantime, you will indeed forget lines and even entire verses of songs you have sung and enjoyed hundreds of times, usually about two seconds before you crucially needed to remember them, in the middle of the song and in front of an audience.
Welcome to the human race.