Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,barttheanorak Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:50 AM Reminds me of Mary had a little lamb Thought it rather silly Chucked it up into the air And caught it by its- Willie was a watchdog Lying in the grass Along came a bumblebee And stung him up his- Ask no questions Tell no lies Ever seen a policeman Doing up his- Flies are a nuisance Bees are worse And that's the end Of my silly little verse |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: dick greenhaus Date: 03 Nov 08 - 10:58 AM Jack be quick, Jack be nimble Jack jumped over a phallic symbol |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 04 Nov 08 - 08:51 AM oh dear! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Jessie Lou Date: 16 Nov 08 - 08:35 PM Mary had a little lamb, She kept it fat and plastered, When the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. Mary had a little lamb a little beef a little ham some fried chicken and a little fish Mary is a big fat bitch! Little Miss Muffett Spat in a bucket while eating my curds and whey, I came like a tiger and shot off inside her now Miss Muffett won't play. Little Jack Horno Was watching a porno While eating his girlfriend out He stuck in his tongue and made the bitch cum SURPRISE she's a squirter. Gorgy Porgy pudding a pie Fucked his girlfriend till she died then he ate her dried up snatch Gorgy's a fucking necrophiliac Jack and Jill went up the hill To smoke some marijuana Jack got high unzipped his fly and said 'do you wanna?' Jill said yes and dropped her dress then they had some fun stupid Jill forgot the pill NOW they have a son Hey diddle diddle the cat took a piddle all over the bedside clock the little dog laughed to see such a thing, the cat has a little cock Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candle stick Now Jacks in the hospital with a burnt fucking dick! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 19 Nov 08 - 04:41 PM Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. It's Raining, It's Pouring Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her Between two chunks of bread. Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have you got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon 'Pies you dumb arse!' Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its @rse And turned its wool to nylon. Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them too cause he was gay. Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son. Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her ass Now two of his teeth are missing. Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy. Mary had a little lamb She called it Baby Abby They burned it in a great big pit Cos its mouth and feet were scabby |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego Date: 20 Nov 08 - 04:58 PM Jack & Jill went up the hill, They each had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two and a half, They didn't go after water! Rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub, Does that make a menage-a-trois? And if they're rub-dubbing, While doing their tubbing, Let's hope they omit the ben-wa's. Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, The cow got shagged on the moon... Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells, and cockle shells, And one friggin' petunia! There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, She set a Guinness record for her episiotomy |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bryn Pugh Date: 21 Nov 08 - 10:56 AM Little Boy Blue, come blow up your horn ! The sheep's in the meado, the cow's in the corn ! Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep ? He's under the haystack shagging Bo-Peep. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,DD Date: 04 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM There are (used to be?) more verses to My grandmother sells prophylactics, She punctures the heads with a pin, And Grampa does bathtub abortions, My god how the money rolls in! Rolls in, etc There were lots more ways to make the money roll in, but I can't remember . . . |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,guest Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:52 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill Each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with cum in her mouth You think they went up for some water? |
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ring-a-ring-of-roses From: GUEST,A. Clay Date: 10 Jun 09 - 01:17 AM Jack and Jill went up the hill. They both had a buck-and-a-quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty. They didn't go up for no water. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,joe Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack burnt off His fuckin' dick. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:52 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter jill came down with two fifty oh that fucking whore |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: theman Date: 26 Jun 09 - 11:22 PM Yankee doodle went to town riding on a heater. He accidently switched it on and scorched his little wiener. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Uly Date: 27 Jun 09 - 12:04 PM "There are (used to be?) more verses to My grandmother sells prophylactics, She punctures the heads with a pin, And Grampa does bathtub abortions, My god how the money rolls in! Rolls in, etc There were lots more ways to make the money roll in, but I can't remember . . . " My mother sings "My father makes book on the horses My mother makes second-hand gin My sister makes love with the sailors My god how the money rolls in!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Dr G Date: 02 Aug 09 - 08:17 PM This is from the infamous Andrew Dice Clay Mary had a little lamb she kept in her back yard When she pulled her panties down his wooly dick got hard |
Subject: SKIP ROPE - Michael Jackson Game From: GUEST,Professor Al Date: 29 Aug 09 - 10:25 PM Mi-chael Jack-son, Looking for some ac-tion, brought a bunch of boys to the Neverland Ranch... Did a little dance, Pulled down their pants, How many boys did he bring to the Ranch? (double-time) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ...(continue 'til you miss) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fidjit Date: 30 Aug 09 - 02:58 AM Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb But I've never seen her bare Chas |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 11 Sep 09 - 12:25 PM Jack and Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick her fanny... He got a shock And a faceful of cock 'Cause Jill was really a tranny! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 07 Jan 10 - 12:02 AM how about... boys are cheats and liars they're such a big disgrace, they will tell you anything to get to second BASE-ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score, if you let him go all the then you are a WHORE- tocolrist studies flowers, geologist studies rocks, all guys really want is a place to put their COCK-roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs, nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of JUG-glers and acrobats, and a dancing bear name chuck, all guys really want to do is "forget it no such luck!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Me Date: 12 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM On top of Mt Fuji, All covered in sand, I shot poor old Barney With a rubber band I shot him with triumph, I shot him with pride, I couldn't have missed him, He's forty foot wide. I went to his funeral, I went to his grave, Some people threw roses, I threw a grenade, I opened his coffin, He wasn't quite dead, I got a bazooka, And blew up his head! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,jason Date: 13 Jan 10 - 02:14 AM little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eatin her curds and whey along came a spider sat down beside her pulled out his dick and said eat this you bitch |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Preston Green Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:27 PM Abe Lincoln was a good ole man He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand said 'scuse me ladies just doing my duty so drop your pants and give me your booty!!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:45 PM Mary had a rooster, she also had a duck She put them on the windowsill To see if they would dance and sing... The duck began to waddle and the rooster had a fit He jumped into a bucket that was Full of poodle hair and stuff... The poodle came a-running to see what had gone wrong He tripped over the bannister and Twisted off his collarchain... The rooster broke out laughing To see the poodle fall The duck jumped off the windowsill And pecked off BOTH his licenses... The poodle, in a fury, tried to tear the duck to bits The rooster lost his head and tried to hide in Mary's Chest of drawers... The poodle chased the duck all round the house From back to front The rooster and the duck both tried to hide In Mary's jewelry box... Now Mary's had them stuffed And she keeps them on the shelf And if that's not enough for you... Then go get stuffed yourself! **** (I love envisioning the final scene. A thoroughly disgruntled Mary tides up the damage wrought upon her once-tidy abode by her 3 crazed pets, while sitting mutely on the shelf we see...a hysterical looking stuffed rooster, a lasciviously grinning stuffed duck, and a stuffed poodle with a look of shock and outrage recorded for posterity on its fuzzy and frantic face.) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,over 9000 thousand Date: 11 Jun 10 - 12:47 AM Three blind mice three blind mice where the fuk do they go!!! jack be little jack be quick jack umped over the candle stick and burned the tip of his dick |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 11 Jun 10 - 06:32 PM Jack be quick, Jack be nimble, Jack jump over The phallic symbol. *Not* composed in a nursery. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Paul Burke Date: 11 Jun 10 - 06:38 PM The grand old Duke of York, He had ten thousand men, He marched them up to the top of the hill And he had them all again. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 22 Jun 10 - 03:17 AM Mary had a little lamb Her father shot the shepherd |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:40 PM OLD UNCLE NED HAD A OLD BALD HEAD AND HAD NO EYES TO SEE, HAD NO TEETH TO CRACK CORNCAKE, SO HE HAD TO LET THE CORN CAKE BE. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:47 PM YOU PEANUT BUTTER,MOTHER FUCKER, TWO BALLED BITCH. YOUR MOTHERS IS IN THE KITCHEN COOKING RED HOT SHIT, YOUR DADDYS IN JAIL YOUR BROTHERS IN HELL. AND YOUR SISTER IS ON THE CORNER, YELLING PUSSY FOR SELL!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Patsy Warren Date: 21 Jul 10 - 06:42 AM Build a bonfire build a bonfire Put the teachers on the top Put old Jenkins in the middle(the name of teacher or head hated most) And burn the fucking lot. (sorry) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 03 Nov 10 - 07:42 AM jack and jill went up the hill, for a thrill, la la lalalala laaa. jill came down with A baby girl, whilst jack was feeling like he would hurl poor jacks dick, jill would often lick, was so damaged that now it started to click bloody jill you made jack go sterile, but you still spread your legs to him whilst drifting down the River Nile! Jill is a big tramp now...she must do it allllll the time |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest: Rap Song Date: 13 Nov 10 - 10:01 AM Mary had a little Lamb She tied him to the heater Everytime he turned around He burned his little peter Peter pumpkin eater Had a wife and couldn't keep her Put her in a pumpkin shell and blew her all to Hello operator, connect me number nine If you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the Ding, Dong Avon's here Just behind the fridgerator Tommy broke some glass Slipped and fell while cleaning and cut his little Ask me no questions, I'll tell you know lies... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,The late Douglas O. Date: 04 Dec 10 - 01:20 AM Two dutchmen, two dutchmen, digging in a ditch, one called the other a dirty son of a peter murphy had a dog, a darned dog he'd be, gave it to the neibor lady to keep her company, she taught it, she taught it, she taught it how to jump, it jumped right in her pantie hose and bit her on, two country boys from canada were sitting on a log, along came a bumble bee and stung em on the cocktail gingerale five cents a glass if you don't like it you can kiss my ask me no questions i'll tell you no lies if you ever get hit with a bucket of shit be sure to close your eyes!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,An old Marine Date: 06 Jan 11 - 10:24 AM Mag mag the dirty sag, the slippery slimy slut, between her thighs green fungus lies and worms crawl out her butt, before it'd fuck that dirty bitch and suck those pusy tit's I'd drink a gallon of after-birth and swim in liquid shit |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Frank Date: 06 Jan 11 - 11:24 PM Sing a song of syphillis a penis full of pus four and twenty harlots f*cking in a bus when the scabs were opened (I forget, bugga. I'm not as good as I once was, but i'm as good once as I ever was.) Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey, along came a spider and sat beside her and She said "F*ck off Hairy Legs." Rose's are red, Violet's are blue, and Mary isn't wearing any! Feeling rude in the nude was Miss Prim when she went down to the river for a swim 'till a man in a punt stuck an oar in her eye and now she has to wear glasses |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 29 Mar 11 - 04:49 PM Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana jack got high unzipped his fly and asked jill if she wanna jill said yes then dropped her dress and then they had some fun stupid jill forgot her pill and know they have a son. twinkle twinkle little star how i wonder what you r shine upon the parking lot as i eat my girlfriends twat georgie porgie puddin pie blew his load on his girlfriends eye and when her eye was clean and shut georgie fucked that one eyed slut hickory dickory dock some chick was sukin my cock the clock struck 2 i dropped my goo and i dumpped that bitch at the next stop. humpty dumpty fucked a fat whore humpty dumpty fucked her some more all the kings horses and all the kings men bent that bitch over and fucked her again. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 08 Nov 11 - 08:40 PM i thought it went Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana jack got high and unzipped his fly and asked jill if she wanna jill said yes and droped her dress just to have some fun but stupid jill forgot the pill and now they have a son |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,GUESTGUEST Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:52 PM Bacon is bacon eggs are eggs don't let a man between your legs. he says you're cute he says you're fine but 9 mon. later he says,"It's not mine". Heard this at school. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,i'm normal thanx Date: 20 Jun 12 - 05:03 PM I took my sister for a walk, to see the train go shunt! A piece of wood fell off the ride, and hit her in the... .....COUNTRY girls are pretty, they lay upon the the grass; Stick their heads between their legs and whistle up their.... .....AUNTY Mary had a canary, also had a duck; Took em behind the kitchen door, and taught em how to.... .....FRY eggs & bacon,also pour the tea; The more you eat,the more you drink the more you want to.... .....PEEETER was in the boat, the boat began to rock peter fell out the boat & sliced off his.... .....COCKADoodledoo it's got nufin to do with you, So go home, play with your own, And paddle your own canoe..!!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 05 Jul 12 - 07:48 PM roses are red violets areblack why is your chest as flat as your back |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,guest Date: 06 Jul 12 - 08:27 PM We three kings of Orient are One in a taxi, one in a car One on a scooter blowing his tooter Following yonder star Oh star of wonder, star of light Stuff your pants with dynamite Light the fuse and off we go All the way to Mexico Version 1 While shepherds washed their socks by night All seated on the grass The angel of the Lord came down And fell on her big a*** Version 2 While shepherds washed their socks by night All watching ITV The angel of the Lord came down And switched to BBC Elvis Presley Girls are sexy Back of the bus Drinking pepsi Had a baby Called it Daisy Had a twin Called it Tim. First person: I am the greatest! Everyone else: Not in the latest! Under! Over! Pepsi! Cola! Kill the boys! (originally it was 'kick the boys.') 'When Susie was' - one of my favourites When Susie was a baby, A baby Susie was She went like this - Waaa! Waaa! Waaa! When Susie was a toddler A toddler Susie was She went like this - Scribble, scribble, scribble When Susie was a schoolgirl A schoolgirl Susie was She went like this - Miss! Miss! I can't do this I got my knickers in a great big twist! When Susie was a teenager A teenager she was She went like this - Oo! Aah! I lost my bra I left my knickers in my boyfriend's car! When Susie was a mother A mother Susie was She went like this - Boys! Boys! Stop that noise! When Susie was a grandma A grandmother she was She went like this - Knit, knit, knit, knit When Susie was great grandma A great grandma she was She went like this - Rock, rock, rock, rock When Susie was a pile of bones A pile of bones she was She went like this - Rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle When Susie was a ghost A ghost Susie was She went like this - Woooh! Woooh! Woooh! When Susie was a goblin A goblin Susie was She went like this - *crafty snicker* When Susie was no more No more Susie was She went like this - |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Huck Date: 09 Aug 12 - 12:42 AM I can't believe nobody posted this one yet: "Folks who write on bathroom walls Roll their turds in little balls. Then those who read their words of wit, Eat the little balls of sh*t." This one's a lot rarer, and incomplete: "Slippery slimy Sue, upon whose legs green fungus grew. Before I'd climb her scabby thighs, and suck her festering tits, I'd drink a gallon of vulture vomit and die of the drizzling sh*ts." I had a grade school friend who could rattle off verse after verse of "Slippery Slimy Sue", but years later he was killed in VietNam. I've wished since then I had written it all down. R.I.P. Cpl Mike McCarty! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Henry Krinkle Date: 09 Aug 12 - 04:37 AM Inky pinky Bottle of ink Oh, how you do stink! (:-( P)= |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 23 Oct 12 - 12:57 AM Mary had a little lamb It's fleece was black as charcoal and every time that she bent down it fucked her up the arsehole! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 23 Oct 12 - 04:06 PM Quoted by W. H. Auden from his childhood: As shepherds watched their flocks by night, All shitting on the ground, An angel of the Lord came down And handed paper round. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 21 Mar 13 - 12:12 AM Mary had a little lamb, his legs were black as charcoal, every time he wagged his tail, flames shot out his arsehole. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,downunder Date: 21 May 13 - 09:17 AM A girls' skipping song from Australia, early 1970s. At this time, Paul's Ice Cream was trying to make out that their product was a health food because it contained milk. They called it "The Health Food of the Nation". Aaah, the 1970s. The school girls skipping were not fooled (Carlton Bitter=beer) Carlton Bitter, Carlton Bitter Carlton Bitter, can or glass Beer's the health food of the nation stick the ice cream up your arse Who needs advertising standards boards? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Airymouse Date: 21 May 13 - 08:44 PM Get up get up you lazy sinner We need sheets for the tablecloth and it's damn near time for dinner Pretty tame huh? Actually the real "Mary Mary quite contrary" is nastier than anything listed here and a good deal grimmer. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Mark Date: 22 May 13 - 01:27 PM Gene, Gene, made a machine Joe, Joe, made it go Art, Art, let a fart And blew the whole damn thing apart. Yankee Doodle went to town Riding on a turtle Turned the corner just in time To see a lady's girdle. While shepherds washed their socks by night All seated round the tub A bar of Ivory soap fell down And they began to scrub. He had an apartment in front And she had a flat behind. And from Allan Sherman: On top of old Smokey All covered with hair Of course I'm referring To Smokey the bear. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Duchess Cheeky Date: 17 Jul 14 - 02:59 AM My mother and your mother were digging in a ditch. My mother called your mother a big fat son of a Pitch me out the window, I landed on a rock. Along came a bumble bee and stung me on my Cocktail, ginger ale, 5 cents a glass. If someone kicks your Ashes be sure to close your eyes. If you don't believe me you can kiss my Ask me no questions I tell you not a lie. |
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