BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread

Subject: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:57 PM

Most of you know the greatly respected

Joe Offer,

and if you know anything about him, you know he does not like birthday threads. In fact, some would say he hates them.
I have pondered this for quite a while. Why would anyone hate birthday threads?
Just to be sure, I checked the Mudcat birthday list and I found that, true to form, the greatly respected

Joe Offer

did not include his birthday in the list.
However, he did include his birth month, August (So proper that such an august fellow as the greatly respected

Joe Offer

be born this month!)!

"Eureka!", I shouted, joyfully!. I realized the obvious answer to the question...The greatlt respected

Joe Offer

doesn't like birthday threads, because they do not last long enough!!! I mean...the day is done and gone in 24 hours! Not enough time for the birthday boy/girl to fully enjoy the festivities.

By his inclusion of his birth month, I conclude that what he really desires are "birthmonth" threads! What a grandly wonderful fellow he is!

Therefore, it is with joyful mirth and gleeful pleasure that I begin this month on the right foot. This is the first day of the wonderfully grand

Joe Offer's

birthmonth so I say loudly and proudly;

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH, JOE OFFER!!!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:16 AM

oy...and I barely have time to run out and get him a birthday card! Well...maybe next year...

(as I occasionally SEE Joe Offer, I will not risk actually wishing him...H***y B******y.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:22 AM

khandu..........yer arse is in a pile o' muck with this one. Joe is going to batter you mercilessly with campfire songs. He will keep this up until you are reduced to tears and begging for mercy. I wouldna want to be in your shoes.......................aw.......what the hell........I hate to see someone face adversity alone.....move over khandu, ole buddy. I am joining you in the soup.

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH, YOU OLD COOT!!

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:07 AM

What a grand idea! Khandu, I salute you for your insight. I'm just sorry we didn't catch on sooner.

Happy Birthmonth, Joe Offer!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:06 AM

Happy Birthmonth Joe from a fellow Leo!

Love
Khatt

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Micca
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:30 AM

Bloody Leo's Mutter mutter.. always roaring, mutter mutter, turn your back and they are everywhere, mutter....
Oh and many happy returns, Joe from your London mates...

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:50 AM

May the light from the lighthouse shine on you , Joe, birthday or not.

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 04:17 AM

Now there's a challenge! Let's keep this thread at the top of the pile for a whole month!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: sian, west wales
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 04:35 AM

Hip! Hip! Huzzah Huzzah! Hwrê! Hwrê!

Yippee!

But seriously, can one survive a whole month of Birthday Bumps?

sian

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Deckman
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 05:46 AM

Joe ... "HAUSKA SYNTAMAPAIVA? !Bob

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:15 AM

A whole month of campfire songs!!?? Count me in!!
Happy month, Joe!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:30 AM

Happy Birthday Joe - hope you enjoy it.

Dave & Linda

Still if you're trying to keep it quiet - I suppose you could always delete the thread.
Sed quis custodiet ipsas custodes

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:46 AM

I have noted that the number of posts to bday threads is in direct corelation to the renown and/or likeability of the bdayer (bdayee ?). Therefore, this thread, even now that the BS division has been instituted, should reeealy piss Joe Offer.

Happy bmonth Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:47 AM

Well Joe, ya' gotta' admit, this is different.....certainly not your average birthday thread. As you are aware, I have tried hard to keep birthday threads from becoming a tedious list of generic postings which all say the same thing. This thread is so different to begin with that I don't need to say anything like, "Joe, you can kiss my entire ass" to keep it from becoming boring. This is almost as great a concept as my own "Non-Birthday Birthday Thread" which ran for over two months. I can foresee a similar outcome for this one!

Admittedly, I was initially quite worried when I saw that khandu had started this one as his unhealthy worship of you was extremely worisome to many of us. After reading his post though, I think he is still cured and shows only his friendship for you as opposed to hero worship. We cured him onmy non-birthday thread and drastic measures were required. Unfortunately the drastic measures got a little out of hand. If you aren't aware of how we cured him, then you need to read the story that follows............................

Well it's over.......The first, and I hope last, Super Mind Altering and Semi-Patriotic Fireworks and Flaming Asshole Gala. I don't know why or how this stuff starts but anytime I use Cletus for anything, the one sure thing is that I'll end up with a long list of people wanting money from me. It started off so well............

The plan was simple. All we wanted to do was bring khandu back to his senses and knowing that a good cross burning might do the job, we started there. I mean hell, he's Mississippi boy and cross burning is a genetic trait. He had become a slave and a brown noser to, of all people, Joe Offer. Something had to be done. Somehow we got carried away. Tweed acquired through Bobertz, some Patty Poopchute and Harry Hardtool anatomically correct party dolls and we thought we might possibly use them as well. It's my fault though.....Has anything ever gone right when Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys are involved?

Paw went down to the lumber yard and liberated some skids and the Reg boys ripped them apart. The plan was to make 143 crosses with the skid wood and duct tape. Buford got involved and said the first one didn't look right to him. Why in the hell anything would look right to Buford is beyond me as the boy is always tanked up on Iron City and when he's not burping, he's whizzing on Mrs. Clanahan's peonies. But Paw agreed with him and they headed off to find a cross for a model. They ended up going to the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers where the good folks were happy to oblige. Of course the Rollers misunderstood the reasons here and, this being Good Friday and all, thought the crosses were being made for a religious ceremony and Paw told them to come by at 8 PM, or a little before so as to get a good seat. I wish he had told me........

About 3 PM the crosses were finished and the Boys started taking things up to the little picnic grove on 664 adjoining Ol' Man Rafferty's place. For all his faults, Rafferty is a religious old coot and was excited to see the crosses being erected on Good Friday. I guess he thought Cletus had turned over a new leaf. Paw went over to talk with him even though Rafferty still held him responsible for the destruction of his mailbox and a Buick hubcap after the Great Magnetic Ass-Healing Ring debacle. Paw commented on the new mailbox and hubcap while once again Rafferty was washing the aging Buick deuce and a quarter. Rafferty said he and his very religious wife would certainly be sitting out on their porch and it would be even better than going to Church as they had planned. Once again, I wish someone had told me..................

Since the Reg boys aren't any too talkative they were given the job of blowing up the Harry Hardtool dolls and stuffing their "tools" with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). It was a big job but they got it done. Meanwhile Cletus and Paw had filled the Patty Poopchute dolls with propane. They all worked together to drive the crosses into the ground and attached the Patty Poopchute dolls to the top. Cletus said they wouldn't be soaking the crosses in kerosene until just before they lit them which seemed okay to me.

I had arrived to check in on all of this at about 5:30 and truthfully, I was impressed at what they had accomplished! Now I knew that these good feelings were generally the portend of bad things to come, but the mind is a funny thing and we often forget the past in an effort to hold out hope for a new beginning. This seems to be what happened to me as I felt genuinely good about trying to bring this thing off and that perhaps, for once, Cletus, Paw, Buford, and the Reg boys may have gotten it right.   Once again, I should have relied on past experience.............

The crosses were in the ground on a slight embankment with a propane filled Patty Poopchute mounted atop each one. Leaning against the embankment and in front of each were the Harry Hardtool dolls with their dorks pointing skyward and filled with Roman candles and bottle rockets (with whistle and report). This is a pretty conservative little place so I thought maybe the dolls would be better if they were covered or clothed and I ask the Boys to do so and they told me they'd do it....."No Problem Spaw." That should have clued me in but it didn't. My other suggestion was that because a light breeze had come up, it might be good to tie the Harry Hardtools to something so they didn't blow away. Again, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking..................

I should now take this chance to thank those who so valiantly helped in this and I want to extend my thanks to them for their part in trying to save Brother khandu. Carol, Tweed, Young Will, even Bobertz.......You all did your jobs and performed magnificently. I cannot thank you enough and to prove it, I have kept your part in this as well as your names out of the Sheriff's report. Additionally, you are free to disavow any knowledge of me or that you were ever even within a hundred miles of here. You have to admit though, it was one helluav' show!

On the chance that we might need the services of the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, I asked for the Insanevac Chopper to be standing by. I spent the next few hours at home with Karen and the kids, eating supper and coloring Easter Eggs. When I heard the sound of the chopper I realized that several hours had passed and I was almost late for the show. I leashed up the two Weimaraners and headed for the park. Karen and the kids wanted to go but I suggested they stay home in case something went awry. This was the only good decision I made in the entire day. Besides, the "Royal Forkers" khandu had sent to surround my house had instead turned out to "mortar forkers" and had just completed the new barbeque out back and were busy working on a smokehouse. I told Karen it was better for her to keep an eye on them to be sure they were working according to plan. With Jaeger and Sissy happy to be going for a walk, I headed for the gala event.

When I arrived, a few things caught my eye right away, but it was too late to turn back. First, each Patty Poopchute doll had a purple robe like affair on them. I realized right away that the material had come from a hot air balloon that Cletus and Paw had accidentally shot down a few years ago (that's another story). Sitting atop the crosses in their purple robes, they were really quite attractive. Additionally, the Harry Hardtool dolls all were wrapped about waist with old towels in a loincloth sort of get-up. To keep the Harry dolls in place, they had tied each wrist to something or another which left their arms outstretched. Also, out front of everything was the biggest Dago Bomb I ever saw. It turns out Cletus and the Boys had bought it down in Tennessee on one of their trips south to a festival where they had contracted for the porta-potty business with their company, "Crappers on Casters." And....they had been good enough to park one of their C on C's about 50 feet to the left, over toward Rafferty's place. I stood for a moment and took it all in. Suddenly it hit me. In the purple robes and loincloths, with the outstretched arms and crosses, this looked like some Christian tableau from Hell! There they were, 143 Virgin Marys, atop 143 crosses, with 143 Jesus Christs below! My mind went numb as I began to realize that somehow this extravaganza was not going to go well at all.............

Before I could utter a word I saw Ol' Man Rafferty and his wife on their porch in prayer. About then the Church Bus bearing the members of the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers arrived in the grove.   They literally ran off the bus dropping to their knees. I tell you they went down faster than a cheap whore on a Liberian tanker. I was rapidly becoming almost paralyzed. I couldn't speak although I wanted to scream. The main thing I wanted to scream was "NO" but the best that came from my throat was a tiny croak like a dying frog with laryngitis. Not over yet though................

Tweed drove a van in and he and Carol emerged from the front with a look of trepidation on their faces as they took in the scene before them. Wrongly figuring that I had this planned, they opened the back doors and Will and Bobertz hopped out. They all four then removed khandu. Okay, it wasn't their fault they had to subdue him...I know that. And frankly it was very creative the way they had wrapped him up in duct tape from head to foot with only his eyes looking out. Even from where I was I could see he was mad. But I still thought that this cross burning gone haywire might cure him of his shameless brown nosing of Joe Offer. But the way he was wrapped reminded the church folk of Jesus in the tomb I guess, with the duct tape as a sticky Shroud of Turin. In any case they turned and started praying in that direction also. Tweed, Carol, Will, and Bobertz, were busy propping khandu up so he could see when I noticed that the Reg boys were liberally soaking the crosses and the ground in between with kerosene. I had to stop this...............

Cletus and Paw were all smiles, quite proud of what they had done and when I came stammering up to them they were a bit confused. I tried to somehow make them see what I saw but it wasn't working because my mind was moving faster than my mouth and these guys were never too sharp on the best of days. Each of the Weims was licking one of Paw's hands when I finally got through a bit to Cletus. After listening to the whole thing he said, "Don't worry Catspaw, even I know that Jesus had blonde hair and that guy don't look nothin' like him." This made no sense and once again I was so dumbstruck I was speechless. Cletus capped that with, "Besides look how happy Jaeger and Sissy are!"   After what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few seconds of pondering that inanity, I blurted, "You stupid shit!! They're fucking DOGS!!!!" This didn't bother ol' Clete in the least and he and Paw walked off happily to get the show started. I swear to you all, I would have done anything to stop it, but the whole thing had moved not only beyond my control but into another dimension as well. From this point on, it seemed as though I watched what happened as a sort of out of body experience; just a casual observer noting the events unfolding.

In a scene like none imagined by Machiavelli it all began. Paw bent over by the crosses and flared off a monster fart. The flame shot across to the nearest cross, much like what happened in their Christmas tree disaster, and within seconds, 143 crosses were burning brightly. Cletus ran to the front and lit the monster Dago Bomb. There was one more realization to go though. Turns out they had tied the wrists of the Harry/Jesus dolls to the ankles of the Patty/Virgin Mary dolls which explained the outstretched arms. This realization only came to me as the flames ignited Patty/Mary's poopchute where the plastic was thinnest and melted first. The propane ignited and up they went......each dragging a Harry/Jesus behind. Maybe halfway to the top of their trajectory the flames ignited the Roman candles and bottle rockets in the Harry/Jesus dicks.

I gotta' tell y'all........It was a sight to behold. 143 Virgin Marys launched off of flaming crosses with their assholes trailing flame while 143 Jesus Christs ascended behind them, twirling gaily with their cocks spouting red, white, and blue balls and rockets (with whistle and report) screaming off in all directions followed by a series of bangs. Simply amazing. The church members lost all control and began flopping around on the ground, talking in tongues, and generally having a pretty good time. Rafferty's wife on the other hand seemed to be having a possible heart attack. But it gets worse..........

Cletus was so shocked at the sudden ignition of the crosses that in trying to get away from the Dago Bomb he knocked it on it's side. A massive fireball shot out and smashed underneath the porta-potty. Obviously they hadn't cleaned it or something and the methane fumes had built up. The crapper shot skyward too and the methane must have been in prodigious quantities as the fiery outhouse travelled over a mile before crashing through the roof of the condom factory, setting it ablaze. Several explosions have come from that direction and a paramedic attending Mrs. Rafferty said that a vat of latex had blown and completely covered the Church of Evangelical Hollering and Tongue Talking Mohunkers which is located just across the street.

The missing outhouse now opened the range and the Dago Bomb fired off another even more monstrous ball of fire. This time the charge landed underneath Ol'Man Rafferty's Buick and it blew up right there in his driveway. About this time the cops showed up and an ambulance was called for Mrs. Rafferty. Tweed, Carol, Bobertz, and Will were shell shocked as I was, but what was really important to us was our friend Ken. Had we brought him back? We quickly ripped the duct tape off removing small portions of skin and hair in the process. The church folks were gathering up the tape remnants which I suppose they think are now Holy Relics. I dunno' what the hell they're going to think when they arrive back at their church....which should be about now.

Khandu lay on the gurney and the anger was gone from his eyes. As a matter of fact, everything was gone from his eyes! He was completely catatonic. We loaded him aboard the NYCFTTS Insanevac Chopper for a trip to the new wing where the James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness is located. We can just hope I guess.......

As for me, I foresee a long night of police and fire reports, possible fines, lawyer fees, and threats of incarceration, racing around my brain. Sweet Jesus, I need some drugs..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Banjer
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:16 AM

Not knowing the exact day the monumental occasion actually falls on in this month, I suppose we will have to post each day to be sure we get the right one!

I shall start the trend:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Joe, for 1 August!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:25 AM

Happy Birthday Joe! May you find obscure lighthouses no-one else knows about.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:32 AM

Depending upon the exact date upon which our beloved Joe was born (in deference to his gentle sensibilities, I won't discuss other aspects of this timing process), he may actually be a Virgo. In that case, I can legitimately say, Happy BirthMonth, Fellow Virgo.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 08:41 AM

Don't pay these rowdies any attention, Joe. They're just around to cause trouble, get drunk, shoot out the light, wreck the joint, and generally push their irresponsible behavior way over the line. They'll all end up in jail again, no doubt, hung over and no way to pay the fine. But to celebrate your natal month, may I offer you this small drink? It used to be called a "Purple Jesus" but I've substituted mezcal for the grain alcohol and so you now pronounce it as a "Purple HAY-zeus." I've left you the worm, too, as a b******y dinner.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 11:12 AM

Oh good, for a minute I thought this was a birthday thread. Since it's not, I guess we can celebrate Joe all month long! Kewl!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 11:55 AM

I hope that the reason for the non disclosure of the actual day doesn't mean that it took him a whole month to be born. Gosh the thought of that makes my eyes water.
Many Happy Returns of the Month Joe!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:01 PM

Happy birthmonth to Joe
Take a bow, not a bow
As the 'Catboat you row
While the wild winds do blow

Sometimes friend, sometimes foe
Decides when threads must go
When he can't take no mo'
Of the 'Cat crap we throw

Not afraid to say "Whoa!"
Or "Just 'cause I say so!"
The maintainer of flow
Keeper of status quo

So, Joe, take it slow
You ain't young, doncha know
I would send you some dough
But I'm just too damned poh'

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: wilco
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:54 PM

To the tune of the "On Top of Spaghetti:"

I'm not sure what to profer, to poor old Joe Offer.
Joe must be from Appalacha, not knowing his birthdayha.

So I send my sympathies, as someone from Tennessee,
who also knows not the date, but can only estimate.

Yes, Mudcatters respect Joe, he gives Mudcat it's punch.
So Happy Birthmonth Joe Offer, we like you a bunch!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:56 PM

So is this like a lunaversary thread then? And what's all this about lions and virgins - is that the theme for the party? So what is it then - do we throw the virgins to the lions or vice versa and who's in greatest danger?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Mudlark
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:20 PM

In deference to Joe's wishes I would not think of adding to a birthday thread. But a Let's Celebrate Joe thread? That's an entirely different thing and worthy of monthlong postings. This is only my first!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bert
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:28 PM

Well, I don't think that I can even come close to Ol' Spaw's story, but I swear this one is true as well.

A couple or three years ago, when I first went to one of those Getaways, I met our Joe for the first time. Now ya know that here on Mudcat he comes across as a pompous ol' git at times.

Well of course he is the one leading the song/story session around the campfire. He must have been up against some other event at the time 'cos there weren't many adults there, just us kids.

Well there was our Joe doing his stuff. Now knowing Joe only from his Mudcat postings I was expecting everyone to be sitting there in a circle with our Joe playing a guitar and leading them all in Kumbaya or some similarly inspiring ditty. But was he? NOOooo, He has this hat on that looks something like an upside down floppy version of one of Guy Wolff's flower pots, and he's standing there in the firelight, balanced on one leg with his arms outstretched emitting these weird sounds.

Cor, the things you see when you haven't got your gun!

I'm not too sure about the outstreched arms bit either, methinks maybe he's a wannabe preacher *GRIN*

So have a good month, Joe y'ol fart.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 02:08 PM

Just a small point but who would Joe complain to if he objected to this thread?

Joe, do we get any closer clues if we ask if you are Virgo? (just my Virgo's perfectionist traits coming to the fore)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 02:13 PM

I saw the thread title, and the first thing that came to mind was, "Oh, shit, it's Khandu."
And, of course, it was.
Thank you, khandu....I guess.

So, yes, I do have a birthday some day this month, not that I'm going to say when, although I will say that I prefer not to deal with the "What's your sign" thing but I am NOT a Virgo. For that matter, I prefer not to deal with birthdays at all, since they generally seem to be a non-event. Most of my days are wonderful, so why do I need to celebrate birthdays?

I thought I was 52, but a few weeks ago I did the math and found out that I will be 55 this month and will therefore qualify for all sorts of senior discounts. I would have retired from my U.S. Government job this month, but Clinton and Gore pulled a Margaret Thatcher/Ronald Reagan on me and privatized me out of a job in 1996 and left me to the vagaries of the marketplace. So I quit work in 1999, and so far, I'm OK.

And I continue to find lighthouses in exotic locations - I saw lighthouses at Piraeus and Santorini in the Aegean last month. I was expecting to find one at Rhodes (not the Colossus), but I gess they tore that one down (postcards show one atop the fort at the entrance to the harbor, but I couldn't find it).

So, although I still find birthday threads, tedious, it's nice to have one of my own, I guess; and I thank everybody for the greetings, I guess.

And Spaw, I still don't understand you, but that's OK.

-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:36 PM

Joe...I need your mailing address....don't ask why *grin*....please? I guarantee it is appropriate and safe.

PM me..

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,Big Mick
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 05:06 PM

Mr. Offer, in light of the fact that you treat your birthday as any other day, that means that you likely won't spend anytime laying about on this day. This is a cause for great concern among the organized layabouts in North America. We have not worked hard in order to establish the need for laying about on birthdays, Sundays, after work, before work, during work, Saturdays around 3 PM, and at all other times. Hence, as one of the founders of Lane, Fielding, Patterson and Swan, Layabouts At Large & For Hire, I would like to offer you our services. In todays busy world, it is sometimes hard to take time off and just layabout. For a very reasonable fee, LFPS will come to your home, lay on your couch, eat your food, drink your beer, watch TV, fall asleep and fart, and just plain take it easy IN YOUR NAME AND ON YOUR BEHALF, saving you from the disapproval of your layabout neighbors whose spouses want them to be more like you. Inquire about our special birthday pricing.

So, give us a call. And remember, when you need someone to layabout, call LANE, FIELDING, PATTERSON & SWAN, LAYABOUTS AT LARGE & FOR HIRE. Our motto says it all:

IT'S THE LEAST WE CAN DO

All the best,
Big Mick
Founding Partner

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 06:55 PM

Joe,

Why, hell -- you're just a spring chicken!! You're still young enough to count every single birthday so people will treat you as more mature than you deserve! Discount?? I gotcher discount right here!! Discount this!! Pretending to be old all this time!! I am just disgusted. If AARP had a complaints board I would turn you in for impersonating an Aged Human!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 07:39 PM

Joe, I once gained a year accidentally, but never lost THREE. Helluva lot worse than a lost WEEKEND, I'll tell ya! I suppose the aliens didn't even send a card! (Is it me, or does anyone else think Joe's not telling us when his birthday is because he's not sure?)

It's OK Joe. We can say "Happy Birthday" every day in August so we're sure to get it right at least once.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: The Shambles
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 02:56 AM

Happy Birthday Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 03:29 AM

Happy Birthday for the 16th Joe

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 04:09 AM

16th what?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:07 AM

Another day another birthday, have a good one Joe!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: bbc
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 09:20 AM

bbc smugly says, "I know when Joe's birthday is & I know why he doesn't want it broadcast on the Internet, but I ain't sayin'." I'll take the secret to the grave w/ me, Joe!

It's been a pleasure to know you, these past years. Thanks for all you do & are. Perhaps, I'll see you at the Get-Away this fall & we can renew acquaintance.

best always,

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Red and White Rabbit
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM

well the date attached to the other thread says it was his birthday last year on August 16th - always presuming he's not a queen who has two birthdays then perhaps that might be the date - but what do I know?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: harpgirl
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:33 PM

Gee whiz Joe. You and Bill Clinton share the same birthday! It's my little brother's birthday, too! HE'S A LEO!!!!! (Me, too!) harpy, the bad witch

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:55 PM

Boy, oh, boy! The

Joe Offer Festivities

are in full swing down here in Mississippi! The Guinness is flowing like the Mighty River; the Royal Lucky Wife, Cheryl, is dancing around with her pasties and tassels, being backed up by the Royal Dancing Tarts! The Royal Forkers are keeping time with their trowels and swords! Tinker, the Royal Rat Terrorist, is howling in harmony with the Howling Wolf LPs playing on the Royal HiFi! The beautiful fragrance of kerosene wafts through the village. And once an hour, on the hour, the entire populace shouts;

HAPPY

BIRTHMONTH,

JOE OFFER!!

And the best thing about all this is THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!!
We have 29 more days left!!!

Man!!! This is the

BEST OF TIMES!!!!

Ain't Life Grand??!!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Deckman
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:02 PM

You know Joe, those "50's" are rough years. I too lost count of my age in that decade. As a result, I was wrong for three years, and then I had to spend two consecutive years being the same age. Strange times! Bob

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:49 PM

Khandu!

I thought I'd heard a rumor you had abdicated from the Royal Throne of Mississippi--not true?

Oh yeah, and Happy Birthmonth Joe!

Lin

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:57 PM

Lin, due to pubic outcry and demand, I have retained my Royal Throne, though there be detractors from Florida who spread the nasty rumors that I have been deposed or died.

I hope the greatly respected

JOE OFFER

is having as much fun and festivity as my fellow Mississippians and I are during this majestic time of

JOE OFFER'S BIRTHMONTH!!!

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:11 PM

Think about it folks, What are we celebrating? Not merely that one of our fellow Catters is having a birthmonth. Noooo! We are celebrating the fact that

JOE OFFER

was BORN!!!!

You know, had he not been born, we'd all be sitting around, posting threads, such as the Why Hasn't Joe Offer Been Born Yet Thread, to which Spaw, in his great wisdom and compassion, would say something like, "I don't know, but it has certainly been a dreary world without Joe Offer in it."

And think of the campfire songs that would have faded away into oblivion without Joe Offer being born.

I shudder to even think of such things, and I, for one, am unashamed to say

"Joe Offer, I am glad you were born and found your way to the Mudcat Cafe!!! Happy Birthmonth to you!!!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:13 PM

Khandu, you flaming asshole! You're having this party and you didn't contract the Boys for the porta-potty business? Man, they need the money! Ya' see they got all new crappers on casters now and their first job didn't go well. They got 6 giant 12 foot fiberglass pigs from a Bob Evans Farm display and converted them to outhouses. Really, they're kinda' neat. See, they had been in a trough eating position but the boys stood them on their butts and mounted the caster platform underneath so now you have these smiling pigs with doors in their bellies. Actually they are pretty roomy inside and the Boys decorated them with pictures inside of barbeque ribs and the like. Plus they added an air freshening device which spurts out either sausage or bacon aromas to cover the "other smells."

Sadly, the first job they signed on for was in Fort Lauderdale for what Cletus told me was a "Benny Bright" fundraiser. Off they went and things went badly when they arrived and the folks at the fundraiser were incensed and threatened to have them arrested. Cletus called me all confused about it and I couldn't figure it out either until I realized that "Benny Bright" was a Cletus interpretation of B'nai B'rith.......then it made sense.

In any case, they're out of money and hanging out around Valdosta, Georgia where they ran out of money on their way back here. If you think you could see your way clear to send them a few bucks travelling money, I think they could help out with the festivities while also providing sanitation services with their business, PPPP Comfort Stations (Pink Pig Porta-Pissers.)

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:19 PM

I will immediately dispatch my personal Royal limoplane to pick up the boys, that is, if they won't mind if the pilot dusts a few crops on the return trip!

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 11:25 PM

Spaw:

They'd look right nice around the playing fields of the NYFTTS, I reckon, where the folks are usually a lot more tolerant about the Pork Perspective, being in many cases ardent subscribers.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 03:56 AM

Spaw
I presume a donation addressed to them c/o the Porking Lot, @ Valdosta will find them?

Joe Offer, is that another cake I see you eating? Well I do believe that's the third one this month. Sheesh!!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 08:47 PM

Oops, this is getting down toward the bottom of the BS threads. Better refresh it so it doesn't disappear before August 31, or Joe's
feelings will be hurt:) (Only 28 more days left in his birth month.)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:41 PM

I'm sure that there are many people who would care greatly if Khandu died...but would anyone notice?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:06 PM

No one has said it yet, so in case the day is Aug 3rd - HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE

Nigel

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:57 PM

I am shocked and dismayed that artbrooks has not posted to this wonderful JOE OFFER BIRTHMONTH THREAD! It would be sad if he missed the festivities!

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:52 AM

It is clear that khandu is so overwhelmed by his own mythological marvelosity that he doesn't bother reading other posts. Or else he would have noticed that I posted barely 8 hours after, in a rare instance of personal perspicacity, he began this thread. However, I decline to allow my personal opinion of the self-styled Emperor of Alabama, or is it Mississippi or Arkansas--anyway, one of those places known primarily for growing mosquitoes, crocodiles and kluxers--to interfere with my recognition of what the illustrious JOE OFFER has done for our Mudcat community.

While he has admitted he is not a Virgo, once again Happy BirthMonth anyway, Joe!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 09:28 AM

Virgo intacta?

More cake Joe? I do declare you'll be puuting on a couple of pounds before the month is out!

Giok.....HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:26 AM

I tried to offer JOe birthmonth congatulations this weekend - but the owl post returned me a message stating that he wouldn't be born for another four centuries - so I couldn't.

therefore - belatedly - for the weekend - Happy birthmonth Joe!
and for today as well!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 11:01 AM

Well just great you asshole!!!!

I get this call from Cletus saying they've arrived in Tupelo via your air service. Paw is in convulsions from whatever ta' hell your crop duster was spraying. I doubt if it would have affected him had he not been riding on the wing!!! You man put them out there when Buford barfed the last of his Iron City all over the cockpit but none of this really matters.....Paw will get over it (I hope) and the fact that Buford fell off the wing is no big deal either as he probably didn't notice and will come wandering along from somewhere. But maybe you could check up on Buford huh? And maybe you could part with a couple of bucks and take Paw to a doctor. He's gettin' up there in years..........

No, you simpleass....that was all okay.....sorta'...........The real problem is that your man left the Reg Boys to drive the pickup and the Pink Pig Porta Pissers across the Heart of Dixie!!! Are you nuts??? These are three Canadian dimbulbs (Fielding's half-brothers) who couldn't muster 90 IQ points between them! Additionally, none of them has a drivers license and the first time some good ol' boy in Montgomery gets a load of their accents, I figure they're in deep shit! A few of their "ehs" and some 400 pound Bubba will be doing a Fuckin' A on them! Now get your scrawny carcass in gear and go find them before they become a statistic!!!! And dammit, get Paw to a Doc!!! And if you see Buford, you could pick him up as well.

Look man, it's not that I'm nuts about those damn loonies but I've grown accustomed to them over the years...............Proof positive that man can adjust to anything!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:52 PM

You talkina me?...
You talkina me?...

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:15 PM

No....I was talkin' to yer Aunt Tillie you screwloose sumbitch!! .... Geeziz...... Now what are you doin' about the Boys?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Big Mick
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:30 PM

Spaw..............you are expending a great deal of energy.......no, wait............energy...........methane........Paw, Buford, Cletis..........the boys...........we might be on to something here.................This might have more potential than the layabouts at large and for hire..............let's git together at your place, drink your beer, eat your food.........talk about it between naps...................oh......Happy birth month, Offer, you ole sumbitch...............damn, he is aging rapidly

Mick

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: khandu
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 10:43 PM

Mr. LFPS, himself has spoken!!

Ok,Spaw...Aunt Tillie and I will tend to the boys. Go to sleep, don't worry none about'em!

Kk

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:02 PM

must.....keep.....thread.....going.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 03:40 PM

How's the birthday cake a day diet going Joe?
Giok....HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Gray D
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 07:34 PM

Difficult to tell with 'Spaw, innit? Is the medication just wearing off or just kicking in?

Joe, the work you do on this service to the rest of us sensible, well balanced types . . . and the GUESTS . . . is just wonderful.

Thanks for adding some fun and knowledge to my life.

'ppreciate it.

Have plenty more birthdays, you deserve them,

Gray D

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 04:54 AM

There seem to be more guests around at the moment Joe. Are they all here for your birthday party?
Hippy Brothday Joe Offer
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:02 AM

Whatever day it is, have a good one.

(((xXx)))

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: songs2play
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 05:07 AM

A very happy birth-month, from sunny Wigan (UK)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:59 AM

On MY birthday, I usually have a couple of pints of lunatic soup with a milk of amnesia chaser, but Joe has a birthMONTH!

WOW!!

Several happy returns, Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:40 PM

Gasp!!!

This thread is almost at the bottom again!!!

Could I?

Should I?

WWJD? (What Would Joe Do)

Doesn't matter. I know my duty....

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 11:54 PM

I send you my most heartfelt sympathy for the day after your birthday.
Or would that be the month after?

Happy Birthmonth Joe!

Peace, Rustic (One of the sensible, well-balanced ones)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:01 PM

Another day another gateau!!

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:19 PM

an entire month of b'daymonth cakes? good thing he has a kid in the household to help him eat them!!!!!

Happy BirthMonth!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bert
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 12:23 PM

Well I guess it's OK to have a birthday or even a birthmonth but where did you ever get the notion that JOE was BORN?

What happened was, that the boys were inspecting the remnants of the previous night's campfire and saw that one log was still glowing. Now they knew that the Scoutmaster would give the hell for not putting the fire out properly the night before, so they decided to finish the job. And of course, being boys, they did what boys do and all stood around the log and watered it down with one communal effort.

But! did the log go out? NO, it just glowed more fiercely and started growing like one of those snake firework thingies. And then it sprouted arms and legs and a flower pot hat.

And that folks is how we got Joe Offer.

Sorry Joe but I just had to tell them the true story.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 07 Aug 03 - 11:31 PM

(happy birthmonth to Joe……..happy birthmonth to……. Huh?      



Oh.
Yeah.

REFRESH

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 03:43 PM

How many candles??
HBJO....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 03:47 PM

Since I won't be "here" over the weekend...

Happy birthmonth Joe! (saturday)
Happy Birthmonth Joe! (sunday)

and of course - Happy Birthmonth today as well!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 04:12 PM

Now that's what I call forward thinking, and considerate too!
Brownie points for MMario.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Emma B
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 04:13 PM

A month's not nearly long enough to say 'thanks' and best wishes for the other eleven

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 03 - 04:30 PM

Okay. That's enough of the birthday wishes crap. Now let's get down to the real issue. What can we, the Mudcat Community, give Joe Offer as a birthday present that would truly reflect the esteem in which he is held by us all. No, not a lifetime supply of Colonblow. We're talking something truly meaningful here. We're talking the governorship of California! (Please see THIS THREAD.)

Yes folks, with a mere 65 signatures to get on the ballot and a little luck our own Joe Offer could be the man. Just imagine! Campfire singalongs on the Capitol lawn. Trumped up charges to get Gargoyle in prison and out of our hair. And don't forget what happened to that Reagan feller after he was done bein' California's Governor. On to The Whitehouse!

So, you California 'Catters get on the ball and collect 65 signatures and let's make this thing happen.

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH, JOE OFFER!

JOE OFFER FOR GOVERNOR!

JOE OFFER FOR PRESIDENT!

YEEEEEHAAAAAW!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 04:35 AM

But will his past bear close examination by a nations press? What about skeletons, and closets? Has he any disreputable relations? We need to be told, before we start this petition!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 01:15 PM

Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention that if we want Joe to be Governor we've gotta come up with about $3,500 in filing fees and such. Details, details, details.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 09 Aug 03 - 10:38 PM

Not to mention a campaign song! (Happy birthmonth,Joe.) Just think--only 22 more days in Joe's birthmonth:o)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 12:38 PM

Only 21 more days left to wish joe Happy Birthmonth!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Aug 03 - 05:57 PM

Don't the signatures on the petition have to be residents of California? Are there 65 Mudcatters who would admit to that?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Aug 03 - 03:49 AM

There you go Art spoiling things, by introducing that old true facts thing. Where would the world of politics be if people kept to the facts?
Oh nearly forgot!
Happy Birthmonth Joe
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 03 - 09:13 AM

Write in!!

What better birthmonth present than a writein campaign to elect Joe Offer governor of California? Imagine the boost to his ego when he can say, "Yup, pardner, beat ol' Arnold, beat Bustamante, and even beat that thong-wearin' lady."

And then, on to the White House! Here's some campaign slogans, Joe, free for nothing!

"Enough f*cking! More Folking!"

"Joe Offer -- He Admits His Folking!!"

"Get Folked With Joe!"

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Mudlark
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 01:55 AM

Still celebrating! That's what I'm talkin' about!! A whole month to celebrate. And as for Joe for Gov....let's just all write him in..it's cheaper. Save the money for important things like party hats and liquid refreshment...

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 04:50 AM

Joe all those candles are going to set off the smoke detector!

Giok....HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: alison
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 08:02 AM

Happy Birthmonth Joe... and big hugs from down Under

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 12 Aug 03 - 09:01 AM

aha! I see we have a new initials shorthand developing HBJO - Happy Birthmonth Joe Offer!

Sorry that the whole governor-ship thing didn't pan out - would have been kinda a neat present, yes? On the other hand, maybe the best present we could give you was NOT to set you up as governor. After all -we wouldn't want to cut down on you time here at the cat. And I expect an entire state would require at least half an hour a day.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Aug 03 - 11:03 AM

Thought you'd put us off the scent by disappearing this thread off the end huh!
How many candles!!???

Giok.....HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Aug 03 - 11:07 AM

I think he may have reached the stage where you only use one candle per decade.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 13 Aug 03 - 06:24 PM

Hum...lets see....today is August 13? There's 31 days in August. Isn't that right? 31-13=18. OHMYGOSH!!!! Only 18 more days to wish Joe HAPPY BIRTHMONTH!!!!@@@@!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 05:06 AM

Joe how would you manage without me and Mario to stop you slipping off the end?


HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 09:34 AM

Candles? The man don't need no folking candles, he's got (number omitted to protect the aged)lighthouses flashing "Happy Birthday" in Morse.

RtS
(no cake big enough for all MY candles)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 09:48 AM

he has lighthouses flashing Kendall?

I am   *so* confused....

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 01:06 PM

Vot Kendalls? Dere ain't no flamin' Kendalls, dats chust de Vick he rubs on 'is chest. Oi vay, youse gives me da vapours!

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 07:54 AM

Lessee.

5 threads from bottom. Giok or MMario will probably chime in before it drops out of sight---except one or both of them are apparently busy flashing Kendall. (Or is it that Kendall is flashing Joe --now there's a birthday surprise!)

Just in case, think I had better.....

REFRESH:)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 08:35 AM

Guest schmest; sheesh did you think I would forget Joes daily best wishes? What sort of loyalty is that to a man who gives up so much for us? Nothing is too good for JO, and that's what a lot of people are giving him, shame on them.

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,Lost my Cookie Janie
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 01:48 PM

Giok, That was me up there, didn't realize 'til just now that I seem to have lost my cookie.

I knew JOe could count on you to do everything in your power to send him his daily dose of birthmonth felicitations, provided you weren't locked up over the aforementioned flashing incident.

And for everyone else....only 16 more days in Joe Offer's birthmonth!!!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 02:11 PM

So Everyone wish Joe a 'Sweet Sixteen"!

Huzzah! Bet he never thought he's see THAT again!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 06:35 PM

Yes. Happy Birth/day/week/month or whatever Joe. I'll raise a pint to a good bloke.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 03:13 AM

I've been raising a glass every day, that's why this birthmonth thing is a good idea. I shall certainly be waiting for October with renewed interest. HIC!!

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 10:14 PM

Yep. This thread is getting down awfully low. Joe is probably in a cold sweat from fear it will disappear.

But we won't let that happen, will we?

HAPPY B'MONTH (and only 15 more days to go, but whose counting)

Refresh:0)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 16 Aug 03 - 10:16 PM

*blush*

Make that "who's counting"

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 17 Aug 03 - 04:51 AM

Janie you'll have the grammar/apostrophe police on you tail now girl.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 17 Aug 03 - 08:37 PM

Guess what?

That's right!

Only 14 more days to celebrate:o(

HHHAAAAPPPYYYY BBBIIIIRRRRTTTHHHHMMMOOONNNTTTHHH JJJOOOEEEE!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 10:50 AM

Well Joe it's beginning to look like just you and me now. Don't want August cancelled due to lack of interest do we?

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,artbrooks, traveling
Date: 18 Aug 03 - 09:17 PM

Just checking in to make sure Joe gets everything he deserves.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 19 Aug 03 - 10:48 AM

19th today Joe, not too many boozy days left, forget the cakes, and concentrate on the drink.
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 08:41 AM

11 days to go, will it be just you and me by then?
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 08:56 AM

No, Giok...there are others of us out here who appreciate and idolize the illustrious (or is that illustrated?) Mr. Offer.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 20 Aug 03 - 09:27 PM

Only 11 more days to celebrate Joe's birthmonth.

Hope Giok's liver survives it.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 Aug 03 - 11:43 AM

I'm still raising a glass to your birthmonth Joe.

HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 09:36 AM

HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 10:45 AM

Only 9 more days....

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Joe Offer
Date: 22 Aug 03 - 10:33 PM

Gee, some people certainly are tenacious. I see even Khandu gave up the ghost, but Gioc and Janie are hangin' in there.
Hey, maybe this will take care of things so I won't get a birthday thread next year. 31 days in August, 31 days of birthday greetings - that should cover me for 31 years, until I'm 86...
Happy Birthday to me.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 07:51 AM

I wouldn't put money on that one Joe

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH JOE OFFER


Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 10:19 PM

Well Joe,

Not only do you deserve a month's worth of birthday wishes for all you do for MC, it also happens that I have been home for 2 weeks with pneumonia and have been desperate for ways to amuse myselfand annoy others.

And, also, my Dad's name is Joe and he is also a Leo (not that you are old enough to be my Father:>)

Can't help but ask though, why would ANYONE be in Florida in August?

One last week to go.....HAPPY BIRTHMONTH.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 03 - 10:35 PM

Hey, Joe! I haven’t said “Happy Birthmonth”
lately, have I? Well, Happy Birthmonth!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 04:03 PM

So--does that mean that August 22 is the ACTUAL DAY, Joe? Since you wished yourself a "Happy Birthday" instead of a

HAPPY BIRTHMONTH, JOE (and many more...)

Lin

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 04:09 PM

See it's becoming a movement, in spite of the fact that the self proclaimed King of Mississippi has failed to stay the course.
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 08:15 PM

For the 24th day running....

Happy Birthmonth Joe Offer:)

(How do all of you people manage the different fonts and colors?)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 08:55 PM

Janie..not sure what font you saw...if it was just BIG and blue, it is one thing but if it is in fancy script, it must already be installed on your machine...it is done in Blackletter 686 BT (in 36 point)...which is on my machine, and may be on a lot of PCs.

you can vary it like this, too

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 08:58 PM

you can vary it like this, too

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:02 PM

I, personally, use a sneaky little program to do the font tricks, so I don't have to learn all the HTML invloved.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:04 PM

and, just so I don't appear selfish...here is the place I got it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 09:07 PM

Oh.

No HTML for me, thanks. I've tried doing cut & paste from MSWord, but it always reverts to the mudcat font. What sneaky little program might that be? (pardon the sneaky little thread creep.)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 12:40 PM

I take it you posted before you saw the link...*smile*...I'm waiting for your first experiment.

(we might as well use this thread, as it will be abandoned in a few days!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Guitarnut
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 12:58 PM

Well, I had the pleasure of sharing Joe's birthday with him this year, something that I hadn't been able to do for several years. He's my brother, and I don't get to see him often because he lives on the other side of the country. Actually, I got to spend about 12 days with him because he flew out to Wisconsin to help us with our move to Florida. I think it was a usual Joe Offer road trip, because he took my car and meandered through Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama and Florida on the way, seeking out lighthouses, state capitol buildings, churches, and whatever else interested him along the way. Just what you would expect from Joe.

When we got here, Joe immediately set to work with several home improvement projects on our new house, asking for nothing more than beer and pizza as compensation. He was a tremendous help, and probably saved us big money and lots of aggravation. Again, just what you would expect from Joe.

On his birthday, Joe insisted on cooking for the family...just what you would expect from Joe.

It's nice to know that Joe is "greatly respected". When someone is part of your family you don't tend to think of them in that way. You just love him like a brother. Happy birthmonth, Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 02:21 PM

So THAT's why he went to Florida in August! Hope your move and adjustment goes well, Guitarnut.

Bill, I am virtually illiterate on the computer--how do I

1. Decide which version to download?
2. and then, how do I download it?

6 more days to celebrate JOe Offer's Birthmonth folks. This is better than Mardi Gras!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: artbrooks
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM

Waddaminit!!! If people begin throwing pop-beads at Joe, and he starts dropping his shorts, it will entirely spoil the generally high tome of Mudcat.

Happy Birthmonth, Joe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 08:46 AM

Well, Joe, it's been fun. Too bad that this will be the last birthmonth you have, what with the Martians invading tomorrow. Well, at least you won't be able to say that your very last birthmonth didn't end with a bang....

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 01:31 PM

Well I don't know where yesterday's contribution went,
HBJO for the 25th
HBJO for today the 26th
Humble apologies for my sin of omission Joe.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 01:46 PM

joe - in reference to your message of 22 August.

you got a prayer.

Happy Birthmonth

anyone for a Joe Offer BORTHYEAR in '04?

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 26 Aug 03 - 09:56 PM

Well, with 1021 posts to the MOAB thread it would appear that the attack of the Martians has been thwarted. Which SHOULD mean that I really do have 5 more days to wish Joe a HAPPY BIRTHMONTH!!!

Yer umble soyvant,

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 07:08 AM

Here we go again, happy as can be
All good pals, and jolly good company.
Not long left to celebrate now Joe
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 08:37 AM

just to jump on the bandwagon and keep Joe from thinking we've forgotton....

HBMJO!

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 27 Aug 03 - 10:13 PM

To the tune of "Just As I Am"

Just four more da-ays in Jo-oe's birth month
Then no-o more to this thread I'll punch
Then no more Jo-oe I can anno-oy
So Joe I Offer this nooooow
This now.


Happy Birthmonth!

J.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 05:30 AM

Well Joe I'm sure you'll be sad when this all ends. However the good news is that today is also my grandson's 1st bithday, I hope you don't mind sharing one day of your month with him. Maybe when he gets to be big and grown up like Joe Offer he can have a whole month too!
HBJO......Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Janie
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 10:02 PM

Did you know that 3 is a sacred number in many cultures? Only 3 more days......then the party's over.

HBMJO

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Aug 03 - 10:32 PM

sorry I missed your post, Janie... just go to the link above and RIGHT click on "HTML Font Colorizer 2.04 (self-extracting EXE)"
and you should see a box asking you where to save it...pick a spot, or choose what it offers, and click 'save'. Then, you go to that spot.(I hope you can navigate Explorer, or whatever... to look thru directories!) and double click on the saved file ...hfc.exe ...and follow instructions!

if you need more help, PM me..*smile*

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 12:19 PM

The ante penultimate day of your birthmonth Joe, hope you're making the best of what you have left.
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 12:22 PM

I should get back from Toronto tomorrow just in time to be the very last person to wish Joe HBJO

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 12:24 PM

never mind - got my months confuzzled.

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST,Janie visiting in West Virginia
Date: 29 Aug 03 - 11:54 PM

Oh Dear--traffic was so bad wasn't sure I was going to make here in time to wish Joe Happy Birthmonth for the 29th time.

But I did:>)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Aug 03 - 04:51 AM

Well Joe, unlike that Khandu person, some of us have stayed the course. My Mum always said never start something you can't finish, so although I don't have blue blood, in my commoner veins at least I stick till the bitter end.
Penultimate celebratory 24 hour period.
HBJO.....Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:23 AM

Wow Joe; how did you manage that? I mean shutting the cat down for 3 days to foil the "I want to be the last one" contributors to this thread. Well I'm going to bookmark this thread so that I remember for next year: in the meantime.
A belated HBJO for the 31st August 2003.
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 06:46 AM

Amen

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: maire-aine
Date: 02 Sep 03 - 04:09 PM

Here's my belated happy birthday, too. Since the 'cat was away for the weekend, I figure we'll just extend the month. Can't have too much of a good thing.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: BS: The Joe Offer Celebration Thread
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Sep 03 - 05:48 AM

Happy Birthday Joe