what's the worst song you ever heard?3

Subject: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 07:18 PM

'number two, little boy bloo, is what i used to be,......, bingo,bingo,i'm in love'.......arrgh!retch,vomit.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,lurker
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 08:03 PM

I was thinking about the "Tallahatchie Bridge" and then I thought of "Red Sails in the Sunset" and then I thought of "See You In September."

How about those old songs by such groups as The Singing Nuns and Patience and Prudence? Lord, what sap.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 08:05 PM

ecselent!!!!more!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Robin2
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 09:02 PM

She's My Girl
My whole world
but that's not...my...truck

Terrible country song about a guy coming home and finding another 4 wheel drive sitting in his driveway

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 09:06 PM

trditional saga-updated 7 drunken knights.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 10:04 PM

I was going to say "Teddy Bear" by Red Sovine, but technically he doesn't sing it, just speaking with country western music backup... then there's another Red Sovine song... Girl On The Billboard ... aaaaarrrgh!! I guess anything by Red Sovine is the worst I've heard.

Subject: Lyr Add: GIRL ON THE BILLBOARD (from Red Sovine)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Sep 02 - 11:05 PM

Here are the lyrics, Alice...

Doodle-de-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-do
Who is the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway?
Rollin' down the highway in my Jimmy hauling freight
From Chicago to St. Louis, Lord, I see her every day
A double-clutchin' weasel like me can hardly ever
Get a girl to look at him that way
**Smiling like the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway

Wow! what a girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
I bet it wouldn't take her very long to get gone
If someone would pull a dirty trick and take her towel away
I slow my Jimmy down to twenty
That's how many wrecks I see there every day
Caused by the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo

Oh, I love the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
I guess I'm gettin' bolder 'cause I'd rather kiss and hold her
Than just keep a-lookin' at her every day
At 4:45 coffee drinkin' eatin' time Jimmy shimmied
While I woke up the artist that painted the display
Of the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway

Doggone that girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A sleepy headed painter said the girl wasn't real
And I'd better get the (#$%^&) on my way
On Route 66 from the billboard to Chicago
You will find tiny pieces of my heart scattered every which-a-way
Shattered by the girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel
In the picture on the billboard in the field near the big old highway
A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo, A-doodle-do-do-doo (fade)
**A-doodle-do-do-doo, doodle-do-do-doo (fade)

I couldn't be bothered to put in all the line breaks. Pretty amazing lyric isn't it? Those country boys and truckers are pretty deep thinkers when y' git t' know 'em good...

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Nfk.Fiddler
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 05:18 AM

Has to be 'I can Fly' by Keith Harris and Orvill

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 10:44 AM

A Double-clutching weasel? My favorite Car-talk (the radio show) was when Leonard Bernstein's son called in to ask if it was true that he should double-clutch his Dad's vintage Italian sports car. Or did the Italian mechanic give him wrong information? The answer was that an Italian mechanic giving wrong information was almost redundant, and it was proposed to name the habit of double-clutching a synchronized transmission "Bernsteining."

It's interesting that so many really horrible songs become so intensely popular. Maybe narcisistic fantasy helps explain it, as it does with so many odd human behaviors. Like those singers who milk a song just to show off-- maybe their fans project their own narcissim into it, identify with the singer, to enjoy it?

The two awful songs (from the previous incarnation of this thread) I thought were redeemed by use in movies, it occurred to me later, were both used in sex contexts. Which sort of makes sense--areas where people are prone to glaring temporal errors of judgement and taste. Bad songs work great in film to show the overblown emotions characters get caught up in, but from a detached, sad/comical point of view.

I always thought Cat Steven's Wild World was really genuinely horrible, with it's condescending, patronizing, arch-menacing tone. It sounds like a mob guy extorting protection money, in the form of a relationship plea. "If you want to leave me, okay, but I'd sure hate to see something happen to you." "Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear"--? What the hell is that? Like wearing clean underwear in case you get hit by a car? But of course I loved his song "I'm being followed by a Big Muslim."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From:
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:10 AM

The Absolutely WORST song EVER was the theme song for the Bonanza TV series. Look it up on the web. The lyrics are awful, and I remember seeing a clip of the cast singing the song! <shudder>

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:13 AM

Haven't done the other threads about this, but Achy Breaky Heart has to be right up there.............

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 11:15 AM

But of course I loved his song "I'm being followed by a Big Muslim."

Wasn't that a hit for Salman Rushdie?

Murray

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Brian
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 12:23 PM

I don't know about THE worst song I've ever heard - too of C&W candidates to choose from for starters - but when it comes to the most unintentionally funny, there can only be one.

Ken Dodd's song 'Happiness'.

A bad song made worse because it comes out as:-

A penis, A penis, The greatest gift that I possess. I thank the lord that I've been blessed With more than my share of a penis.

It cracks me up everytime. I have to leave the room.

Brian

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 05:29 PM

I was stuck on a business trip driving samples from Montana to a trade show in Denver, and the two guys with me thought it was really funny to stop at a truck stop and buy a Red Sovine tape to play on the way. I was captive with nothing to plug my ears. And they sang along with the tape!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 06:58 PM

Gawd...that must have been awful, Alice.

George Seto - BRAVO!!! You have found it. The Bonanza theme song was undoubtedly the very absolute worst of all time, with bells on! It was perfect for the show, which was a real stinker too, IMO. I blush to think that Lorne Greene is Canadian...pity he can't act.

Not like William Shatner. Now THERE's ACTING!

The theme songs for Beverley Hillbillies and Gilligan's Island were pretty annoying too, but not as annoying as the shows themselves. Did Three's Company have a theme song? Did Pam sing it?

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Mr Happy
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 07:52 PM

'come'n listen to my story 'bout a man named jed, couldn't find the toilet so he went behind the shed.....'

aaah! schooldays memories!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,fly on the wall
Date: 13 Sep 02 - 08:08 PM

LOL!!! Bzzzzz...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Bert
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 02:13 AM

That maudlin drivel about 'Billy Joe MacAllister' has got to be up there among them.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Allan Dennehy
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 07:34 PM

Back home in Derry is a lovely song but there's a fella here in Copenhagen and when he sings it you'd wish you were dead. Or better still that he was.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,lardingo
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 02:43 PM

"Honolulu Baby" by The Candlesticks...The words don't rhyme, the instruments are out of tune, and the singer is off key. Other than that, it's tolerable.

"Chapel of Love" This is the absolute worst song to get stuck in my head. It sometimes takes days to get rid of it.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Hecate
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 07:14 AM

There was a mister blobby song, which was rather scaring.

My pesonal least favourite is also a tad coutry in stlye. Dead skunk int he middle of the road, Dead skunk in the middle of the road, dead skunk in the middle of the road Stinknig up to high heavan.

its a repeat one verse ad nausium sort of song.

I also hate any of those embarassingly catchy pop songs that you end up singing inspite of yourself.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: belfast
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 07:52 AM

The worst song ever written was the one I wrote a couple of months ago. What is really strange is that when I first wrote the song the melody was clever and original, the words were witty, wise etc. The following day I noticed a slight deterioration. Perhaps the melody was not quite as original as I thought, and the words not as witty. The day after that I looked at it again and found that it had got even worse. The tune was derivative and had been plagiarized from inferior sources: the words, when comprehensible, were tacky and embarrassing. That night I looked at it again. Impossibly it had deteriorated even further. My only cconsolation as I disposed of this pathetic little horror was that I had subjected no-one else to it.

But that was only marginally worse than one I had written a month previously. Also RIP

And that was only marginally worse than one I was commissioned to write and recorded for … Oh, enough!

When it comes to talking about the worst song ever written I would have a long.longway to go before I started talking about someone else's work.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Fred Miller
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:18 AM

I wondered when the thread would take this turn. No, belfast, a song I wrote was much worse than yours, I can tell.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Maxine
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 02:34 PM

What's that song......'she's having my baby, what a wonderful way to say how much she loves me'....or something like that? Is it Paul Anka? Rough, anyway. Maxine

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Sibelius
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 03:16 PM

Well, Belfast and Fred Miller, my songs are EVEN worse than yours! And what's more, your inferiority complexes are far better than mine....

Worst songs? I probably liked these once, but 'The Mountains of Mourne' and 'The Galway Shawl'. Can't stand 'em.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:43 PM

Check "The Castration of the Strawberry Roan." It's in the DT. A cowboy song such as cowboys actually sing when they're really working.

Peter.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 11:54 PM

Well, I've also written some bloody awful songs, specially when I was in my twenties. Thankfully, they were never commercially released. Interestingly enough, there were usually certain people who liked them regardless, but there's no accounting for tastes. What is really a shocker is when someone you haven't seen in ten years begs you to play one of these castoffs that you swore you'd never play again... It's hard to know just what to say to them, but you can always pretend you don't remember how it goes...

The positive thing about the experience is, that like anything else you do, you get better at it as time goes by, and you learn something useful along the way.

Now the curse of being a famous recording artist is, no one will let you forget those less than stellar songs. They keep coming back like the infamous cat to haunt you. I wonder how many people have asked Murray McLaughlin to sing "The Farmer Song" for them (one of his that I can't stand, though it made him a pile of money...I've written two parodys of it in retaliation for having to put up with it all these years on various radio stations).

I knew a poet in Orillia who would walk up to complete strangers at parties who were examining one of his latest books and say "Don't waste your time on that garbage! I know the guy and he's an idiot. He writes total crap. He couldn't write a good poem if his life depended on it."

He did this because he thought it was funny! Well, it was kind of funny...if you were watching, and knew the score...but it made me wonder about his psychological state, I can tell you! :-)

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,HelenJ
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 02:14 AM

A song called "As Time Goes By." It came out sometime in the forties I think. Here's a sample :-

It's still the same old story A fight for love and glory A case or do or die. The world will always welcome lovers As time goes by.

You must remember this A kiss is just a kiss A sigh is just a sigh etc. etc.

Vomit!

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Alice
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 11:46 AM

I LOVE "As Time Goes By" (... play it, Sam...)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 04:21 PM

"As Time Goes By" fit the time it was written in, which was a very different time indeed. Look at the bombastic and simplistic war movies and cowboy movies from the same era, and you will see that. It had its good points and its bad points, that era, but we have moved on. If people like "As Time Goes By" they probably do because it evokes the memory of that time very strongly.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: JJ
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 07:39 PM

"As Time Goes By" was written in 1931 for a bomb of a show called EVERYBODY'S WELCOME by Herman Hupfeld, a homosexual dwarf. I like the song, but it wasn't written about WWII.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:20 PM

A homosexual dwarf wrote a show that bombed, but launched an eventual hit tune at the same time? Boy, truth really IS stranger than fiction... :-)

I wasn't under the impression that it was written about WWII, but it sure was popular at that time. Thanks for the update.

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?2
From: GUEST,Christ_Monkey
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:01 PM

Definitly Glenn Mediros, nothings gonna change my love for you...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?2
From: kendall
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:17 PM

1. Feelings.

2 Achy brakey heart
3 I love a rainy night

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Melani
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 09:29 PM

How can anyone forget the classic, "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight"?

I actually like "The Ramblin' Rover," though I do tend to leave out the verse about colitis.

And I write much worse songs than any of you--that's why I don't.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 04:57 AM

"As Time Goes By." was the title of a brillant BBC TV series.
Starred Judi Dench & the guy from Yes Minster I think...
That slow subtle hysterically funny British sense of humour - about the guy and the girl who met in England in WWII, then drift apart, until they bump into each other years later.
The song fitted that very well as the theme song.

'The Mountains of Mourne' is actually a very funny song - subtle british humout again - combined with a wistfulness. that's why it was so damn popular for so long.. Pretty tune too - heard a wonderful song about using it about the REAL Molly Malone Statue... :-)

Robin

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Ethereal Purple
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 05:21 AM

I think I love 'As Time Goes By' only because of Casablanca :-).

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 05:46 AM

Last night I heard my mamma singing a song ..............
Oo - Ee chirpy chirpy cheep cheep
What is this all about ??

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:21 AM

"...we have moved on." (Little Hawk) For some things that applies, but not for songs - by which I mean, if a song is good at one time it stays good for all time, regardless of changes in customs and tastes that might make it harder to appreciate.

And I think "As Time Goes By" is a very good song. Wryly humorous as well as sentimental. I believe they nearly took it out of Casablanca, the same way they tried to take Over the Rainbow out of the Wizard of Oz. I wonder how many times the song that would have made a movie ended on the cutting-room floor?

..................

Of all songs that make me cringe the no-question winner is "I did it My Way" - no doubt someone's going to say it's their favourite song in the world...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: harvey andrews
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:38 AM

It has to be that travesty by Neil Diamond with the immortal line;
"And no one said a word, not even the chair."

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 06:40 AM

1. There Were Roses.
2. Killkelly Ireland.
3. The Lightning Express.
4. Okie From Muskogie
5. All country and western songs.
All these should be put into room 101 immediately and forever.
eric

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 07:36 AM

1. Agadoo-doo-doo (wave a chicken in the air)
2. Sugar - honey-honey
3. Sir Cliff Richard's "Lord's Prayer" (what a liberty)
4. The Deck Of Cards
5. Boom-bang-a-bang (and most of the Eurovision winners)
6. Congratulations by Sir Cliff again
7. Anything sung by rugby teams on the coach on the way back

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 08:34 AM

I `ad that Louis Armstrong in my cab once. `is trumpet sounded
bleeding awful. I said did you get that mended at Boosey and `awkes?
`e said nah, I did it my way.

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 12:48 PM

I've loved a lot of country music, but I have a problem with anything Kenny Chesney does.

I am also sick of Xmas music

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 02:02 PM

THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY***** THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY*****

i can't take it anymore...
charley noble

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 09:45 PM

I actually think "As Time Goes By" is a very good song of its particular type. Classic, in fact. So does Mr Chongo (Chongo Chimp, Primate Eye), and he says any chump that doesn't like that song needs a good smack on the beezer or a shlug from a forty-five....

But here's another really dreadful song from the 70's: "I'm Never Been To Me"

It's grotesquely awful in its mundane earnestness and melodrama. I think the artist who recorded it was named "Charlene" or something like that. It may have been her only hit.

- LH

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:03 PM

Two Little Boys

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:21 PM

Just took a look at a site where they totally love Charlene. Here is the lyric in question:

Soundtrack : the adventure of priscilla : queen of the desert (1994)

title: I've Never Been To Me

Hey lady, you lady cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But I wish some one had talked to me like I wanna talk to you…

Ooh I've been to georgia and california and, anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun but I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise
But I've never been to me…

Please lady, please, lady
Don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
Still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart
That has lived a million lies…..

Oh I've been to Niece and the isle of greece
While I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that woman ain't supposed to see…
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me….

(Spoken part...)
Hey, you know what paraddise is? it's a lie
A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding
It's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love……

(singing resumes...)
Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I…I took the sweet life
I never knew
I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free… hey lady…

I've been to paradise…
But I've never been to me…

I've been to paradise
Never been to me
I've been to Georgia and California
And anywhere I could run
I've been to paradise never been to me been to Niece and the isle of greece
While I've sipped champange on a yacht
I've been to paradise never been to to me…(fade)


This is the kind of record that either reduces you to tears or makes you want to shoot the radio...

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:29 PM

"I'm Never Been To Me", Little Hawk? Is there something seriously wrong with the title? :^)

Subject: RE: what's the worst song you ever heard?3
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 10:47 PM

Well, no, I don't think so, Ebbie. Are you suggesting it should have been "I've Never Been To Myself"? :-) That wouldn't have scanned nearly as easily.