Mad Magazine parodies

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Joe
Date: 03 Nov 20 - 12:56 PM

Here is most of Frosty Reflections on a Snowy Evening --
by Robert Frostbite (a couple lines or so are missing near the end)

Whose Buick's this?
How should we know?
The keys are there,
Hop in, let's go!
We hear the village cops below,
They're closing in,
So leave us blow.
The night is dark,
The hour is late --
So speed right past that turnpike gate!
They may jot down the license plate,
But what care we?
It's not our crate!
This heap's got pick-up, man alive1
Cruises at ninety-five!
Power ash trays, all that jive!
????
But we've a zig-zag course to keep
To shake the cops before we sleep.
To shake the cops before we sleep.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Nov 20 - 01:12 PM

song of hiawatha

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Ganfo
Date: 07 Dec 20 - 02:19 PM

The last lines of "I Wandered Lonely as a Clod"

Now oft, when on the couch I lie
The Doctor asks me what I see.
They flash upon my inward eye
And then I laugh in Fiendish glee.
I find my solace then in bottles
and I forget them axolotls.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Jan 21 - 03:21 PM

I remember I remember the house where I was born.
The little bathroom down the hall where 19 raced each morn.
My 13 brothers hated me; my sisters felt the same.
Mom never called me up to eat; she didn't know my name.

I remember I remember the joys my schoolhouse gave;
How I came late to second grade because I had to shave.
I think that I shall ne'er forget a girl named Emmy Lou.
I carried home her books from school - her boyfriend told me to.

I remember I remember the walls so pale and white
That turned a vivid bloody red when mom and dad would fight.
I learned about the birds and bees when I was ten and three,
But I was so confused I thought that I should wed a bee.

I remember I remember all kinds of boyhood things.
How glad I am these memories can launch my heart on wings.
They bring much pleasure to my life; they give me quite a kick.
They also help my analyst to find out why I'm sick!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 25 Jan 21 - 04:46 PM

New, new my heart is new
Straight from a man in Kalamazoo

New, new my heart is new
It's guaranteed till '72

Late last year when I went insane
I went shopping for a slightly used brain.

New, new my lungs are new
They were so cheap I coulda bought two

New, new my spleen is new
So are my kidneys, may pancreas too.

(Not sure of all of the wording but this is what I remember). Line 3 is probably wrong, and I don't know the order

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,joho
Date: 25 Jan 21 - 04:54 PM

For poisonous smog shrouded skies, insectcided grain;
For strip mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain
America, America, man sheds his waste in the
And hides the pines with highway signs
From sea to oily sea.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Logicat
Date: 05 Feb 21 - 05:26 AM

I've been looking for a parody I remember of Oh Captain! My Captain! titled Oh TV! My TV!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Franco
Date: 14 Feb 21 - 08:34 PM

I remember some of the words to this one, but can't remember which song was being parodied...

There's a brand new dye on my favorite tie.
I got it when I ate Hot Pizza!
There's a glob of goo on my new suede shoe.
I got it when I ate Hot Pizza!

Each time that I eat it I am dripping mozzarella.
I need an umbrella. Sloppy fella!

It was from the same issue as "Chopped Liver". Can anyone fill it in?
Many thanks!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST.Joe
Date: 26 Apr 21 - 12:35 PM

The chemical elements and their symbols, sung to the tune of "Do-Re-Mi"

"O" -- the sign for Oxygen,
"Ra" -- that's Radium so rare---
"T" -- is Tin for making cans,
"As" -- that's Arsenic beware!
"F" -- for Fluorine that we drink,
"N" -- for Neon lights that glow --
"S" -- is Sulfur what a stink!
    -- Which brings us back to O - O - O - O

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,GUEST.Joe
Date: 26 Apr 21 - 12:40 PM

A tribute to Edgar Allen Poe (sung to the tune of "There's No Business Like Show Business")

There's no stories like Poe stories like no stories we know,
If you like a tale that is appalling,
If you like to murmur, shriek, and cry,
If you like a tale with bodies falling, and spirits calling,
Then Poe's your guy!

There's no people like Poe people, they all fill us with woe,
If you like a tale that's filled with death galore,
And spirits tapping upon your door,
And some crazy raven shouting "Nevermore",
There's no writer like Poe!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Blueglass
Date: 24 May 21 - 12:05 PM

And this was The Gardener's lament sung to the Marine Corps hymn
" from the ants in our petunia bed to the crabgrass on our lawn we will fight them off with chemicals kill the bugs and weeds are gone we'll use courts and courts of poison spray and we won't stop till we're through all the bugs and weeds are dying now but the plants and trees are too"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: The Og
Date: 09 Jun 21 - 03:03 PM

To Suzanne from Australia...


IN PRAISE OF STEPHEN KING (C)
My take on a 19 January 2016 "Mudcat Cafe" post, by Suzanne from Australia, of an item that had appeared earlier in a MAD Magazine from the 1960s; tune = "There's No Business Like Show Business"

C                      Am                      C                   Am
I sing glories to King stories they bring disquieting,
G                                                       C
Most of them are filled with untold terror,
G                                        C
Don't be in error, I do not lie.
G                                             Am                         D
If you like your stories full of evil, with much upheaval,
             G
I'll clari-fy.
             C                      Am                C                            F
There's no villains like King villains, maybe living next door.
Am                      G                         C       A
If you think that demons are just everywhere,
         D             G          C       A
With vampires lurking…in midair,
         Dm                         G                   C                A
Then maybe you're just waiting for a King-sized scare.
         Dm             G               C
Just stop at your local bookstore.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jun 21 - 08:39 AM

The one about cigarettes:

To an ulcer, it's a shot of booze
to a weak heart, it's some shocking news,
to a deep cut, it could be gangrene,
to a smoker, nicotine.

To a sheriff, it's a top gun shot,
to a rustler, it's a hangman's knot,
to a cowboy, it's a wild stampede,
to a smoker, it's a weed.

To a bigot, it's a Jew next door,
to a klansman, it's a guy from CORE,'

??

I think the lines after 'guy from CORE' are:

To a Bircher, it's a Commie nut.
To a smoker, it's a butt!

And either at the beginning or end, there was the 'slogan':

Misery is the taste of death! Misery is the taste of death!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Jun 21 - 08:51 AM

There was 'The Land that Sam Built' parodying 'The House that Jack Built':

Final verse:

This is the land, built on a dream,
That worshipped the buck that reigns supreme,
That built the Mob, that still goes free,
That paid the pusher, who copped a plea,
Who hooked the junkie on the fly,
Who robbed the store with prices high,
That milked the poor in all their need,
Who hated the man so full of greed,
Who owned the slum
That housed the filth
That bred the rat
That bit the child
Who lived in the land that Sam built.


And, to the tune of 'Good King Wenceslas' of course:

Good King Wenceslas looked down
On the Earth this season.
Saw five million lacking food.
Asked what was the reason.
'Do not worry', he was told.
'If there's some starvation,
It's our way of keeping down
Overpopulation!'

Good King Wenceslas looked down
On a field of battle.
Saw a hundred people there
Being killed like cattle.
'Do not worry', he was told
From the field of rubble.
'We have found that Army life
Keeps boys out of trouble!'

Then a bit that I don't remember; and then it concludes with Wenceslas reporting to Jesus:

'Earth is such an awful place,
Only fit for slumming.
If You're smart, You'll drop all plans
For the Second Coming!'

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,malbuff
Date: 02 Jul 21 - 10:56 AM

Robyn said, many many years ago:

"The publishing group hoped to establish a legal precedent that only a song's composers retained the right to parody that song."

Regarding this landmark legal decision, a quote from the judge's opinion can't be forgotten:

"Irving Berlin does not own iambic pentameter!"

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,fred1369
Date: 08 Aug 21 - 12:12 AM

I had that memorized way back then.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,chris0s
Date: 13 Sep 21 - 06:59 PM

Once upon a weeknight dreary
While I stared with vision bleary
At the Zenith TV that I bought on time from Gimbel's store
Suddenly I was discerning
That some shows were not returning
Shows I'd seen just weeks before

Whereupon I said, "Dear Rating,
I have sat here, watching waiting
For those splendid prime time programs that premiered in weeks of yore
Though I've twisted knob and dial
I don't see Jean Arthur's smile
Will she get another trial?
Will she come back with a roar?
Tell me please, O wondrous Rating
That she'll come back with a roar!"

Quoth the Rating: "Nevermore."

...

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Sep 21 - 07:06 AM

Sexual Healing
Song by Marvin Gaye
Lyrics

Oh, baby let's take it down tonight (ba-ba-ba, bum)
Ooh baby, I'm hot just like an oven (steal me some money, give me some money)
I need some 'cold cash'
And baby, I can't hold it much longer (steal me some money, give me some money)
It's getting stronger and stronger
When I get that feeling
I want a debt ceiling
A big debt ceiling, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind
A big debt ceiling baby, is good for me
A big debt ceiling is something that's good for me
Whenever blue teardrops are fallin'
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can get on the telephone and just lobby the, Congress
And Congress I know you'll be there to relieve me
The love you give to me will free me
If you don't know the thing you're dealing
Oh I can tell you, Congress, that it's a big debt ceiling
Let's all vote tonight
(Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up)
'Cause you got some work
Baby, I got sick this mornin' (please give me money, please give me money)
A sea was stormin' inside of me
Congress, I think I'm capsizin'(steal me some money, give me some money)
The debt is risin' and risin'
And when I get that feeling
I want a big debt ceiling
A big debt ceiling is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush
Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Don't shut down the government it's bad for me
Don't shut down the government that's bad for us
God, it's bad for me and it's so bad for the country, oh
Come take control, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind, soon we'll be making more money
I'll be feeling fine
You're my medicine, open up and let me in
Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate
(pay the debt ceiling)
(pay the debt ceiling)
I can't wait for you to operate
When I get this feeling (steal me more money)
I need a debt ceiling
Oh, when I get this feeling (give me more money)
I need a big debt ceiling
I gotta have a big debt ceiling, Congress (please pay our bills)
'Cause I'm all alone
I need a big debt ceiling, Congress (heal me my darling)
'Til you come back home (heal me my darling)
Please don't procrastinate
It's not good to masturbate

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Ritz / Marvin Gaye / Odell Brown / donuel

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Oct 21 - 02:03 PM

Shortages, supply chains, and manufactured hate = this feels like a challenging upcoming Christmas.

Trump nuts boasting that they opened fire
Proud boys wearing battle clothes
Big lie theories being sung by a choir
And folks fighting as in puppet shows

Everybody knows Fox News sees a war that grows
will help to make their season right
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Trump's on his way
He's loaded lots of guns and cronies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna sigh
that a war is worse than getting high

So, I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-five
Although it's been said many times, many ways
We feel sorry for you.

You did not start this stupid hate
You don't deserve this hateful fate
And while your folks might even kill
We know that it was never your wish or will.

Trump nuts boasting that they opened fire
Proud boys wearing battle clothes
Big lie theories being sung by a choir
And folks fighting as in puppet shows

And so, I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to four or five
Although it's been said, many times, by default
We are sorry, We are sorry
This was never, your fault

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,David
Date: 15 Dec 21 - 05:56 AM

Modern rhymes for your childhood. From a Mad magazine article from the 1970s

When I was going down the stair
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today
I think he's from the CIA

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 15 Dec 21 - 08:35 PM

Not sure if this was posted before, but...

Chopped Liver (sung to Moon River)

Chopped liver... onions on the side,
My social life has dried
From you.

My friends shun me, they outrun me,
The smell of your breath is slow death,
Sad but true.

Your odor's... twice as bad as beer
And people who drink beer
Agree.

I know that your smell will not end,
Always I'll offend,
My halitosis friend,
Chopped liver...
And me.

And speaking of Stephen Sondheim (were we?), I can only remember a fragment of the MAD parody of Tonight that they called In Flight. This is the last part. Can anyone supply the rest?

In flight!
Those headwinds we are bucking
And soon I am upchucking,
Oh what a sorry sight!

I'm white with fright
From trying to hold down
Ev'ry bite,
In flight!

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 04 Jan 22 - 01:09 AM

Re-created from memory and constant recitation

Casey at the Talks

It looked extremely rocky for that famous Mudville nine, the season was upon them but the outfield wouldn’t sign.
And when Fenwick turned free agent and Moran went into flicks, the ownership their heads and moaned we’re in a dreadful fix
They scanned their ledgers gloomily without a hint of cheer the falling season ticket sales foretold a losing year.
They clung to one small distant hope, an optimistic’s dream, the fans would pack the stands with mighty Casey on the team.
For Casey was a superstar that any club would prize, who last year led the league in hits, home runs, and RBIs.
For months the phone calls made to him were scornfully declined, a God, he was unreachable, and what was worse unsigned.
Then from an outer corridor there rose a mighty shout, it rattled the reception desk, it shook the walls throughout, it rumble down the hallway in one tremendous roar, for Casey, mighty Casey was advancing through the door.
There was ease in Casey’s Manor there was Grace in Casey’s style as he touched each owner‘s hand and gave a patronizing smile.
He brought with him six solemn men, their faces grim and grave, three lawyers two accountants and his business agent Dave.
The owners lauded Casey’s clothes, extolled his wavy hair, they kissed the leather of his shoes and knelt beside his chair, they laid before him fruits and wine and then a full course meal, but Casey merely raise his hand and murmured what’s your deal?
“One million bucks is yours” they said “for playing out the year, plus ten percent of grandstand sales of hotdogs cokes and beer”.
“When on the road we’ll line up broads of whom you’ll have your choice, plus shares of stocks, a butler, and a custom built Rolls-Royce”.
The smile is gone from Casey’s lips his countenance is stern, he grips his chair with knuckles white and gives his head a turn, and now he cocks an eyebrow at his agent standing by, and now the air is shattered by the words of his reply.
Oh somewhere in this favored land there is a happy town where management has signed a star Who’ll win the Triple Crown.
And somewhere fans all stand to cheer a bases loaded clout…
But there’s no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has held out.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 22 - 11:48 AM

I'm singin' in Ukrain, just singin' in Ukraine
What a glorious feeling It's Crimea again.
I'm laughing at smoke, so dark afar
The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for war

Let the deadly smoke chase, everyone from the place
Come on with the tanks, I've got troops on my flanks.
I'll walk down the trench with a gun in my clench
And clingin' just clingin' to Ukraine

Why am I smilin' and why do I cling?
Why does February seem sunny as Spring?
Why do I get up each morning to start shooting
And get up with mud in my gun?
Why is each new attack, so much damn fun?
cause I am living a life of Russain troops.

I'm clingin' to Ukraine, just clingin' to Ukraine
What a glorious feeling we're Russain again.
I'm laughing at smoke so dark above
The sun's in the sky and I'm ready to die.

Let the deadly smoke chase, everyone from the place.
Come on with the ice, I've a smile on my face
I'll walk down the lane with a happy refrain
And clingin' just clingin' to Ukraine

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Harryoo00
Date: 25 Aug 22 - 11:25 AM

searching for a parody of Joyce Kilmer's Trees:
trees that are painted white / are often hit by cars at night

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: The Og
Date: 25 Aug 22 - 12:15 PM

Seems I saw this in an OLD Mad...

I think that I shall never hear
A poem lovelier than beer.
The stuff that Joe's Bar has on tap,
With golden base and snowy cap.
The stuff that I can drink all day
Until my mem'ry melts away.
Poems are made by fools, I fear
But only Schlitz can make a beer.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,B
Date: 04 Feb 23 - 12:50 PM

I leave the house one minute too late - maimed
I cross the street, and what is my fate? Maimed.
I'm always in the middle
whenever there's a riot that's inflamed

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Karl
Date: 13 Aug 23 - 10:43 PM

I think that I shall never see
A sight more disgusting than a tree
A tree that takes up so much space
Where cheesebox homes could stand in place
A tree that looks at God all day
When my god is the FHA

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Alexander
Date: 01 Jan 24 - 12:51 AM

Here’s part of "Watchdog in the Night";
When those burglars came, you didn’t mind them,
they were after loot, you helped them find them,
diamond rings and pearls you quickly led them to,
Watchdog in the night, you stupid beagle you were
Watchdog in the night…

Can’t remember the rest. ???????

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: PHJim
Date: 05 Jan 24 - 05:45 PM

I got this one from the Prairie Home Companion Songbook, but I believe it originated in Mad Magazine. I've been singing it every Christmas for the past 35 or 40 years. "May his bark be worse than his BLIGHT"

White Sheepdog

G / Am / |D7 / / / |
[G] I'm [C] scream[G]ing [Gb] at [G] a [Am] white [D7] sheepdog,[C#]
[C] One who is [Am] sitting [D7] on my [G] chair. [Am] [D7]
It's a [G] thing I'm [G7] dreading,
The [C] way he's [Cm7] shedding,
And [G] covering [Em] everything with [Am] hair. [D7]

[G] I'm [C] scream[G]ing [Gb] at [G] a [Am] white [D7] sheepdog,[C#}
[C] And should he [Am] visit [D7] you some [G] night, [Am] [D7]
May his [G] bark be [G7] worse than his [C] blight, [Cm7]
And may [G] all [Em] your [Am] furni[D7]ture be [G] white. [Am] [D7]

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jan 24 - 09:14 AM

Tune: "Jesus Loves Me".
(Use the name of your favorite Soviet/Russian leader)

Khrushchev loves me this I know
For the Kremlin tells me so
Little ones who love him not
All lined up against the wall and shot.

Yes - Khrushchev loves me
Yes - Khrushchev loves me
Yes - Khrushchev loves me
The Kremlin tells me so.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,Bruce Iglauer
Date: 15 Jan 24 - 01:23 AM

I remember some of it
Give me some men who are post office men
Who look grand when they hand out the mail
Men who will go thru the rain through the snow
Thru the sleet through the slush through the hail
Oh, doorway to doorway
It's my way it's your way
We work never shirk never fail
When post office finish up their beat
Then post office men
Can go home and soak their feat.

Subject: RE: Mad Magazine parodies
From: GUEST,PW90277
Date: 05 Apr 24 - 03:14 PM

MG -- You'r exterior finish,
though slightly diminished,
is the best I ever have seen!