BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary

Subject: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:12 AM

Well guys, now that I am seriously getting into the old-timey tunes I've got to expand my vocabulary to go along with it.
Can you help me out here? I have learned a few expressions, lets see......
Exclamations:
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"Ahm fixin ta do that"

Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."

Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better,I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:
"If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."

Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
"Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart. Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."


Do you guys have any more I could use? Was there other threads on this topic. I recken you fine folks have discussed this before.

Little Neo Red Neck Wannabee

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Banjer
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:33 AM

When someone is not looking well, (tired, haggard, etc.) It can be said they look like 'The end of a long, hard winter'. Minnie Pearl used to say that her beau told her 'she looked like the first breath of spring, well actually he called it the end of a long hard winter'. Don't that knock yer hat in the crick?

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Troll
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:57 AM

He looks like he's been rode hard and put up wet.
Dumber'n' a bucket of hammers
(on being asked if you've met someone that you've seen around) We've howdy'd but we ain't shook
She looks like she was pulled through a knothole backwards
He looks like the Devil before breakfast.
(It's ready) Yer coffee's sassered and blowed
Fussy as an old hen with one chick
He sings like a hound dog with the croup
( for a real rounder) He'd take a heap of baptising
Rough as a cob in the wintertime
That's enough for now.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: InOBU
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:03 AM

Here is one an old sparing pal of Jack Benny, Fred Allan, which should be red neck, it is so discriptive. _____ was born ignorant, and has been loosing ground ever since. You can use that for hecklers, there's a guy who.... Larry

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:38 AM

Here's a few redneck tips for you Bonnie.
1.Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3.It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4.If you have to vacuum the bed,it's time to change the sheets.
5.Even if you're certain that you're included in the will,it's still considered tacky to drive a U haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1.When decanting wine,make sure that you tilt the paper cup,and pour slowly so as not to "bruise"the fruit of the vine.
2.If drinking directly from the bottle,always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1.A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2.Do not allow the dog to eat at the table.....no matter how good his table manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE 1.While ears need to be cleaned regularly,this is a job that should be done in private using ones OWN truck keys.
2.Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
3.Dirt & grease under the fingernails is a social no no,as they tend to detract from a womans jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING(outside the family)
1.Always offer to bait your dates hook,especially on the first date.
2.Be aggressive.Let her know you're interested:"I've been wanting to date you since I read that stuff on the bathroon wall two years ago".
3.Establish with her parents,what time she is expected back.Some will say 10:00 pm,others will say"Monday".If the latter is the answer,it's the mans responsibility to get her to school on time.

WEDDINGS
1.Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2.Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3.For the groom,at least,rent a tux.A leisure suit with a cummerbundund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4.Though uncomfortable,say "yes" to socks & shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1.Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles;Even if the gun is loaded & the deer is in sight.
2.Never tow another car using pantyhose & duct tape.
3.Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Hope these help,Bonnie

While playing my banjo at a festival this summer,I was told this joke.
How can you tell if the stage is level that a banjo player is sitting on.
HE/She's drooling evenly out of both corners of their mouth.

Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:46 AM

Sorry bout the cumberredundancy.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:59 AM

You Know You Are Trailer Park Trash When...

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, watch this."

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:03 AM

P. S. I'm not sure what's supposed to be wrong with #5 and #18. Maybe I'm 1/10 trailer trash.

And #13 is pretty normal in Vermont.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:25 AM

Well..................................I'm not real good on the cleaner ones, but, uh........................

Fuckin' A -- agreement
Fuckin' A right Bubba -- strong agreement
I'll be kickin' your ass so hard you'll have to take your hat off to shit
Why don'tcha' take a flyin' fuck at the moon
You can kiss my ass and I'll give you 20 minutes to draw a crowd.
He/She got beat real bad with an "ugly stick."
You're the livin' proof that your Daddy butt-fucked the mule.
Your Mama have any children that lived?
I ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
If you wanna' have a go at me, you need to bring your Daddy and a sack lunch.
Well shit fire (sheet far) an save matches.-- amazement
That boy's got his head up his ass so far he can see the backside of his tonsils.
You ain't got the sense God gave a rock.
*BAD TASTE ALERT*- I'd drink a gallon of her piss just to see where it come from.
She's got legs that go clear up to her ass.
That's as worthless as tits on a boar hog.

Aw the hell with it....I can't think of any nice ones.....maybe later.....................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:41 AM

I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his teeth was on fire(far).
Slicker'n goose shit.

More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room fulla rockin chairs.

Got more but I can't remember them.(They say the memory's the 2nd thing to go,.......can't remember the 1st.)

Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Willie-O
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:44 AM

you're a redneck if you post this ad:

For Sale, one tailgate from 1977 Chev pickup. Tailgate stored in barn since new.

or if an unexpected sight causes you to exclaim:
"Shoot low, sherriff, they're ridin Shetlands!"

and in the fall, the value of an old pickup fluctuates from $250 to $250,000 depending on the cargo...

"Benny's got a pickup truck, the pickup's got a cap
Cap's on top of a quarter-mil, the truck sure ain't worth that."

Who, me? I don't know nuthin. Never was the sharpest knife in the drawer and it didn't help when I got whacked with an ugly stick.

Cause Ah'm
Willie-O

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:46 AM

Slap the dog and spit in the fire! (interjection)

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:54 AM

Zeke storms through the front door of his parents house on his wedding night."Paw,you ain't gonna believe this,but I jes found out my bride is a virgin"!!!

"Well I don't blame ya fer leavin son," "If she ain't good nuff fer her famly,she ain't good nuff fer ours"!!!

If a couple gits hitched in Missippi & they gits deevorced in Alabama.....Are they still brother & sister?

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Kim C
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:57 AM

Pardon me, I make homemade soap and it is not ugly! I think what you meant perhaps was "uglier than homemade sin."

Mister likes that expression about useless as tits on a boar hog.

Now, if the situation dictates that you can't use some of Spaw's clever expressions, words like "dagnabit," "doggone it," "fiddlesticks," and "sam hill" (as in, what in the sam hill you yellin for, George?) are good.

Drunker than Cooter Brown is another good one, except I have no idea who in the sam hill Cooter Brown was...

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Troll
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:14 AM

Drunker'n' Davies sow.
You mess with me, I'll rip yore head off and spit down yore neck.
What in tarnation are you doin', Sam?
Pretty as a spotted heifer.
He's no-count,lazy, and crooked as a dogs hind leg. And thems his good points!
He's so sorry he wouldn't piss on his shoes if they was on fire.
Sorry is as sorry does
Grinnin' like a possum in a hen house

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:19 AM

That woman was so tall she could stand flat-footed and piss in the radiator of a Chevy pickup (Note for younger members: trucks, long ago, had radiator caps on the outside of the hood).

I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in you, and then stomp it dry!

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:42 AM

When someone is in the bathroom too long, the person waiting outside hollers Don't forget to write your weight on the wall! (First time this happened to me, I actually asked Why when I came out, and was told So that we know how much to scoop out if you fell in!)

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Tinker
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 10:54 AM

Here's a couple more that explain why something's a bad idea...

That ol' dog don't hunt...
Even a blind pig finds the corn sometimes....
Tinker

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Sorcha
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:05 AM

Dumber than a box of rocks.
Hit with a ugly stick forty-leven times.
S/He ain't just a branch off the ugly tree, s/he's the whole tree!
Fell outta the Ugly Tree and hit ever' branch on the way down......
Suckin' hind tit (for being always last or left out)

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:20 AM

Oh thanks guys, these are great!
I just heard another.... 'Why they was sittin so close by I could have spit on em'

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:25 AM

He's a taco short of a combination platter.

Rainstorms can be refered to as "gullywashers" , "toad stranglers" and "turd floaters"

And don't forget that the plural of "y'all" is "all y'all"

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Wesley S
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:31 AM

And did anyone mention the word "fixin'". As in I'm fixin to go to town or I'm fixin to give you a whoopin' .

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:38 AM

Good point Wes...........And you also can't forget that a lot of southerners use "carry" as in getting a ride somewhere.

Sorry y'all, but I gotta' go cuz my Daddy's fixin' ta carry me over ta the Piggly Wiggly.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 11:40 AM

There's an old Brummie expression that might suit, too:
"She's so ugly, I wouldn't touch (polite version) her with yours."
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:00 PM

Damn! Everything y'all have written is part of my daily conversation!.

However, Spaw got it a little wrong. It is; "Dalm! Somebody done whupped the hell outta her with an ugly stick."

Oh yes. Many of our words are pronounced with an "L' in them. Such as "Dalm", "Lilve".

Y'all did miss a couple of very descriptive sayings;

"Shaking like a dog (dawg) shittin' persimmon seeds"

"Grinnin' like a mule eating briars (brars).

"Nervous as a cat covering (covrin') up shit.

Spoonerisms are employed often, maybe not realizing they are spoonerisms. "Jassack", "Ship the Slat outta ya." etc.

Seriously, I am often "fixin'" to do something. And I do "reckon" a lot.

But, I, khandu, am dalm well not a Effing Redneck!

khandu

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Biskit
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:01 PM

She slapped him so hard s#it splatterd,...`till tuesday!, Kiss my grits n call me cornpone, She only puts them teeth in fer special okaziuns <(pronounced jus' th' way it's spelled),Th'durned wind blew Ma's house right offen the foundation, why,if it hadn't been fer them wheels,... My Wife runned of wif ma bes' friend, Dang I'm gonna miss thet Dawg! -Biskit-

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:09 PM

Well, hell, thanks Bonnie, a thread dedicated just to me....need to go find my sister now....

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:21 PM

About twenty years ago I worked a season in a packing house(oranges)down in Florida.
I got to talking to a man that worked on the sorting line one day & asked him how long had he been doing this job. He said "Oh,Pert near thirty years now".
Then I asked him where the fruit went from there. He said "I dunno,somewhere's on down the line I guess".

I do believe that's the simplest form of contentment I've ever witnessed.

Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:34 PM

If asked to commit to a future appointment, you never say "yes" but rather "If the good Lord's willin' and the creek don't rise."

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,Ram
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:34 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,Ram
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 12:35 PM

She waws laoughing like a retard getting wiener shock pissing on an electric fence

Well thats about as hopeless as a one-legged cat burying turds on a frozen pond

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 01:43 PM

You could always try this site to put you in the mood;

blickie

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 02:08 PM

Spaw, 'carrying' makes more sense than 'driving'. *BG*

Ah'll be theah dreckly.

S/He looks like the south end of a cow headed north.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Matt_R
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 02:13 PM

HEY!! What's wrong with Piggly Wiggly? I suppose you northern folks have better names for your supermarkets?? We are proud of our store...we even have bumper stickers (no lie) that say "I'm Stickin' With The Pig" and "The Name You Know, The Face You Trust".

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 02:37 PM

We used to have Piggly Wiggly in Minnesota when I was a wee tad, back in the late Pleistocene. Haven't seen one in years now, though.

DAve Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 02:42 PM

There'll be nothing but Wal-Mart everywhere, after a while. Then they'll start raising prices.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Matt_R
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 02:46 PM

Well, there's tons of new Piggly Wiggly's here!

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From:
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 03:01 PM

Upon eating a good meal " why this is so good it'll make you slap your mama.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Jim Krause
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 03:23 PM

A few variations of some of the above:
A remark of disapproval "That looks like the latter end of original sin and hard times."
An excaimation of disbelief: "Boy howdy!"
Jim

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 03:41 PM

*laughing like crazy, you guys is a hoot*

THE TEXAN'S GUIDE TO LIFE

*Don't squat with yer spurs on
*Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of THAT comes from bad judgement
*Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in
*If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every once in a while to make sure it's still there
*If you think you're hot shit, try ordering someone else's dog around
*After eating the entire bull, the mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...moral: When you're full of bull, keep your moutn shut
*Never kick a cowchip on a hot day
*There's two theories to arguin' with a woman and neither of 'em works
*If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is quit diggin'
*Never slap a man who's chewin' tobacco
*It don't take no genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
*Always drink upstream from the herd
*When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or person, don't be suprised if they learn their lesson
*When you are throwin' your weight around, be prepared for someone to throw it around for you
*Never miss a good chance to shut up

*There are 3 kinds of men--The ones that learns by reading, the few who learns by observation, and the rest of 'em just have to urinate on the electric fence for themselves..

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dave Swan
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 03:54 PM

She'd make a freight train take a dirt road.

Raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

Busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest.

Happy as a gopher in soft dirt.

Sweating like a sick whore in church.

Just like farting through silk.

Thicker than pig sh*t on two bridge planks.

I'll smack you so hard your grandchildren wil stutter.

(the wind is) blowing like a whore on dollar night.

Tight as a bull's ass in fly season.

Bonnie, ol' pal, somehow I just can't hear any of these coming out of your mouth. But have fun with them.

Cheers, D

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 04:16 PM

'Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!', these postings are 'gooder than grits', they are.
Why Mr. Swan that 'ain't no count' on my personality. 'Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!'

Little Neo Red Neck Wannabee

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 04:41 PM

To "get shet of" something means to get rid of it. (The word might have originally been "shed" but it always sounded like "shet" to me.)

"Public work" means any kind of work but farming.

"She favors her sister" means she looks like her sister; there is a family resemblance.

Threats:
I'll turn you every which way but loose.
I'll jerk a knot in your tail.
I'll take you down a notch.

Weak or ironic praise:
It's better than playing with a knife and cutting yourself.
It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Weather:
It's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock.

I've heard the expression "Bless his/her heart" a lot, but I always took it as a sincere expression of pity. If you use it after a non-complimentary statement, the point would be that you did NOT intend it as an insult, but merely a statement of unfortunate fact.

Of a verbally timid person (the exact opposite of Spaw):
"He wouldn't say shit if he had a mouth full of it."

When you hear someone singing, you can ask, "What did you do with the money?" The person will probably say, "What money?" Then you say, "The money your mother gave you for singing lessons."

You can call me anything you want but late for supper.

To plague someone means to annoy them with teasing or other unwelcome attention. "She'll never get her work done with all the boys plaguing her like that."

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 04:53 PM

There are indeed 3 related threads, but not necessarily about rednecks:
BS: curious expressions
BS: Curious Expressions, Second Helping
Curious Expressions Three

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: annamill
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:09 PM

My Mom is from Greenville, SC, so when I say this, I guess it might qualify as havin a touch of the south

" has the personality of a dead strawberry".

One of my favorites.

Love, annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Helen
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:43 PM

Hi guys,

A lot of these expressions are the same or similar as Oz-speak. Some of them may have come from people here watching American tv, but I think that a lot of them date back to common language origins from parts of Britain esp England, Ireland, Scotland?)

Some Oz variations:

Uglier than a hat full of arseholes
It's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick
I'll kick you from arsehole to breakfast (never could figure that one out)
Tighter (meaning: more miserly) than a fish's arsehole.... .....and that's watertight.

Dharmabum's list near the beginning is just Oz: 1.Never take a beer to a job interview. 3.It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. LOL

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Smok
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:53 PM

My family, on both sides, (and do not know each other in the Bibical sense) have been southern since we got here just after the Mayflower and there are very few of the expressions listed that I have ever spoken or heard except 'I'm fixin to get ready'. I have never married or dated a cousin and generally wear shoes, except when I am in the house or it's hot out.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Amergin
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 05:58 PM

Smok, you must have some rather homely cousins then.....BG....I'm from North Idaho and boy some of my cousins are rather hot....and I hate wearing shoes...

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:17 PM

Shit always seems to figure in large if you notice and often an expression goes to your favorite animal as in the variant-----Slicker than owlshit.

Then of course the variant on El Swanno's above is: She's so ugly (or someone's breath) is so bad, she'd knock a buzzard off a shitwagon.

Then there the simple expression meaning "No fooling?" that is instead a statement with just a hint of question.....You shit!!?!!?!! Now if you're really surprised and that isn't strong enough, you modify it slightly as in.....You shit and slide around in it. This can be used in other ways as well, like to mean I'm not going to do it....Yeah, you shit and slide around in it too!

You can alwys use "shit" as a substitute word meaning "nothing" or "worthless" as in shit for brains or as in, "She ain't got shit for tits." Or in a very simple form such as "You ain't shit."

Matt? Nobody said anything bad about Piggly Wiggly. Try to keep your shit packed in one turd huh?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dave Swan
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:18 PM

Finer than frog's hair.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: cowboypoet
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 06:30 PM

My mama's sister in West Virginia used to say that the snow was "a**hole deep to a ten-foot Indian." She was colorful.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:00 PM

If yer aunt had b#$%*, she'd be yer uncle.

(my husband explains my presence on a farm call) I'd rather take her with me than kiss her goodbye.

Kids say "quit meddlin' with me" and it sounds like "quit smellin' me"

You carry someone home, but you tote the groceries in, or give someone a tote on the back of a bicycle.

You throw your hat in the door (and see if it comes back) before you enter.

You save your pennies for a rainy day, and itsa gwine a rain someday.

Wrestling matches are "wrasslin'"

When a sow is having trouble giving birth, she "can't find her pigs."

Green peas (English peas) are sugah peas.

And of course there is "swayt tea"

Try saying "dry ice" over and over.

I could go on...

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:05 PM

A supreme insult is to call someone a "pennybank rogue" meaning someone so low he would rob a kid's piggybank.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: GUEST,Burke
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:10 PM

Instead of saying you're happy to be there, tell 'em, "I'm proud to be here."

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Morticia
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:13 PM

Actually a lot of these expressions are familiar to me and all my family is Irish.....wonder which way they travelled?

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 07:34 PM

Uglier than death takin' a shit.

Crazier than a shithouse rat.

P.

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Mountain Dog
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:06 PM

He couldn't pour piss outen a boot if it had d'rections wrote down on the heel!

He's so common, his piss don't foam.

Busy'rn a man with two rattlesnakes an one hole t'put'em in!

Whattya cawl a redneck with a two-digit Ah Q? Gifted!

For a wonderful collection of such animadversions, be sure to check out a book compiled by H. Allen Smith entitled "Rude Jokes" and another, editor unknown, called "Pissin in the Snow: A Collection of Ozark Humor"

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Nancy King
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 08:07 PM

A friend of mine refers to ATF as the "Bureau of Redneck Fun."

I ain't had so much fun since the hogs ate Sister Bessie!

Nancy

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: MarkS
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:43 PM

So bucktoothed he/she could eat an apple through a picket fence
So old he/she sat behind Jesus in the third grade
Dumb enough to put a stamp on an email
Ugly enough to scare the chrome off a bumper
So old he/she still owes Moses a quarter MarkS

Subject: RE: BS: Need to expand my 'Red Neck' Vocabulary
From: Dave Swan
Date: 19 Jan 01 - 09:46 PM

Hotter than a two dollar pistol.

Wound like a dollar watch.