BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail

Subject: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 02:55 AM

it was a bright and lonely day. everyone was at the Jamberoo Folk festival, except for Magenta.

She brooded in her darkened room, waiting for that killer sun and those blue skies to be swept to the other side of reality. She waited for the night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:16 AM

She had been listening to the Loved Ones, playing all afternoon, again and again, obsessively, on her creaky tape recorder. The best damn rock band in all Australiasia, and no CD.

She had shocking insomnia, brought on by her recent trip to the UK. Jetlag. That Leadfingers was so nifty, she could have put him in her suitcase and brought hoim back. But no such luck, Simon had dragged her from one airport to another, while he checked out each lounge room for hippies.

And now she lay, back in the Sunburnt Country, having developed some strange allergy to sunlight. And, after years as a vegetarian, she found herself craving...... red meat, raw, and juicy.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:21 AM

..and thinking of that man, man miles away, with the dark eyes, the swept back black hair, and the harmonica in his pocket.

The walls of her bedroom were painted a bruising purple, her ceiling and doors a bold watermelon pink, and through the filmy violet netting that laced down from her window, she could see the leaves of trees, and bits of blue sky. She quickly pulled the pink velvet curtains across, cutting off all sight of the sky.

She was alone, alone and aching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 17 Sep 04 - 03:30 AM

....aching from that damned airline seat. She had practised yoga many eons ago, but it wasnt enough to help her make it through the trip. She had ended up winding herself around simon, with her legs over the seat behind them. all through the night, she had fancied that someone in the next seat was watching her. what a stupid thing to think, she was tired and just needed to get home.

Was it a dream, when she was embarking at Sydney airport, when she saw a tall, stately man in a black cloak, calling a cab?

Simon's landrover had clocked up a huge parking ticket while they were away. Luckily his car was registered under the name, John Howard, former Prime Minister of Australia. No wonder the ticket was so huge, John Howard could no longer show his face in the country, since the Human Rights Tribunal.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 12:06 AM

Meanwhile, Chongo Chimp was sitting morosely at his desk in the 3rd floor walk-up on State Street in downtown Chicago. He was in the kind of mood that only a private dick can fully appreciate at the end of a month with far too few clients. In front of him lay an almost empty whisky bottle, an ashtray full of butts, and a small pile of unpaid bills.

"My life is like an old, cast-off banana peel," thought Chongo. "I could just as well be layin' drunk in some gutter. I wish I was in some swanky joint with good music and a dame with legs from here to Everest..."

That got him thinking about Magenta, and his recent trip to London, England. That had been a caper to remember. "You don't meet a dame like that every day," he sighed. "Most dames around here have their noses so far up in the air that it's a danger to low flyin' aircraft."

Chongo picked up the gorilla bank on the desk and shook it. The sound of a few coins jingled. The bank had been made by some unknown Chinaman in a sweat shop somewhere and was a good likeness of a jungle gorilla except for the lips, which were garish, like they'd been done up with red lipstick. Very unrealistic.

"Sounds to me like there's at least five bucks in here," said Chongo. "Hey! Gorilla! Cough it up!" He shook the bank furiously, turning it upsidedown. No coins came forth. He shook it harder. Still no coins. Muttering irritably Chongo got out a paper clip and fished in the coin slot with it for a bit. Still no coins. "Dammit!" he yelled. He glowered at the gorilla and the gorilla glowered back.

"You think you're gonna win, but you ain't," growled Chongo. He resumed shaking the bank and fishing around with the paper clip. Still no coins.

"Okay then, sucker..." Chongo pitched the bank hard against the wall...hard. It bounced back off the wall, ricocheted off Chongo's head, and rolled under the desk.

"OUCH! SHIT!!!" yelled Chongo. "Come back here, you foreflusher!" He dove under the desk and fumbled around, getting some dust bunnies up his sensitive nostrils. "Kong DAMN it!" he spluttered. "Where are you?" Finally he located the bank, but bumped his head painfully on the underside of the oak desk. He emerged, clutching the gorilla tightly and grinding his teeth.

"You are gonna fork over the mazuma NOW or you are gonna be sorry...real sorry." Chongo put the gorilla bank down on the desk, went to the utility room and got a hammer. A large hammer. He proceeded to attack the gorilla bank savagely, but despite a series of blows it refused to break.

"What in the freakin' Kong are you made out of anyway? I know you ain't made of steel. Must be freakin' ebony!" Chongo steadied the gorilla bank with one large paw and aimed a killing blow at its pointy little head. The hammer carombed sideways off the gorilla's shiny skull and descended into Chongo's left thumb with agonizing force.

"EEEEEEEEEEE-YYYYYYAAAAAAUUUGHHH!" shrieked Chongo. "Kreegah! AARGHHH!" He capered around the room frantically, uttering incoherent howls of pain and clutching his throbbing thumb. The Gorilla Bank regarded him contemptuously from its position on the desk.

That was it. With a cry of "Bundolo!" Chongo whipped out his .44 special and emptied its chambers into the gorilla's sneering face. The first shot nailed the gorilla between the eyes and knocked it backwards. The next shot made a little hole in the desk. The third shot took a chunk out of the gorilla's belly. The fourth shot drove the gorilla across the room and the fifth made a hole in a framed photo of Primo Carnera, signed "To my best pal, Chongo...live fast, hit hard, and die young while you still make a good lookin' corpse!" The sixth shot nailed the gorilla dead center and blew its face to smithereens.

"There, you bastard!" panted Chongo. "That'll learn ya to hold out on the boss ape." He put down the .44 and picked out what remained of the gorilla bank. Five coins fell out. There was a Buffalo nickel, 2 pennies, a half dollar...and a twenty dollar gold piece!

"Glory be..." breathed Chongo. "At least ya didn't die in vain, you ugly mango picker." He scooped up the coins, looking gratefully at the silver dollar.

"I believe it's time for a drink," said Chongo, "and I am goin' out to have one right now. Too bad you can't come."

Chongo put on his fedora and trenchcoat, carefully reloaded the .44 and opened the door. He paused in the threshold. There was a little crowd of human residents of the building and a uniformed baboon from UPS gathered in the hallway, hanging back at a respectful distance. Their faces showed a mixture of fear and keen curiosity.

"Oh, fer Kong's sake..." said Chongo irritably, "there ain't nothin' to look at here, so move on. Disperse. Dangle. Drift. Make like a horn player and blow."

"I expect this place to be cleaned up when I get back," he said sarcastically over his shoulder to the shattered gorilla bank. Then he shut the door, locked it, and walked out without a backward glance, leaving his neighbours chattering among themselves like a bunch of birds on a clothesline.

The baboon pursued him down to the street. "Are you Chongo Chimp?" he asked.

"What if I was?"

"Can I get your autograph?"

"Huh? Well...yeah, sure, kid. You got something to write on?"

The baboon produced a pad and pen.

"What's yer name?"

"Benny," said the baboon. "Botswana Benny, that's what they call me."

Chongo autographed the pad, making sure to spell 'Botswana Benny' correctly, and the baboon took it gratefully. "You took on the North Side Gorillas once, didn't you?" he asked.

"Twice." said Chongo. "I seem to have a talent for gettin' in disagreements with gorillas."

"I heard you personally gunned down five gorilla goons on the steps of the North Sider's clubhouse and put the finger on Fat Freddy from Florida."

"You hear a lotta things," said Chongo. "Fat Freddy had his good points and his bad points, but he was one hell of a boxer. Look, kid, I got a date with a tall, cool customer that I can't keep waitin' much longer, so..."

"Sure, Mr Chongo," said the baboon. "Hey, but I got a parcel for you..."

"Huh?" Chongo took the parcel. It was about the size of a Chicago phonebook, but not as heavy. "Do I gotta sign for it? Yeah...okay. Hmmm. Who's it from. 'A. Phrend', Melbourne, Australia.' Who the hell is 'A. Phrend'? Well, we'll see. Thanks, kid."

"Thank you, Mr Chongo," replied the baboon enthusiastically, and he scampered off happily with his autograph.

Chongo headed across the street to Duffy's Bar. He would open the package there and find out just who "A. Phrend" might be. But first...that drink.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 03:41 PM

Jennyo and JennieG were hanging out. There was Jacko Kevins, entrancing the crowd with "4 Little Johnny Cakes" on his singing concertina, while Bob McGuinness fiddled along on his violin. Bob, with his long long legs, his impish eyes and his kilt, was like an elongated elf, with greying beard, whose and hands and violin, spent so long together, had grown into each other, lithe twisting branches of old music made warm anew in the session tent.

Jennyo remembered Magenta talking about the days she had danced to Bob's fiddle in the old Yarralumla Woolshed, doing the Pride of Erin with the lads. Where were they all now? Bright of eye and red of nose, sipping guinnesses in the tent at Jamberoo.

But where was Magenta? Jennyo wondered, Magenta had been acting a little strange recently. Rhymin Simon was complaining, she was becoming a handful.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:32 PM

Magenta's cat Morgana was dive bombing her from the top of the cupboard. With legs flayed, she crashed onto Magenta's head, fluffy tummy first. Magenta and Morgana growled in unison.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 07:43 PM

JennieG started. Her big brown eyes widened as she looked across the tent. That man in the corner. Gothic, pasty faced but with a certain spooky something. She shivered, it reminded her...










Are you all right love? said Himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:29 PM

Vladimir was impatient. Where was she? he has undergone 22 hours in a torturous airplane seat, right behind her, his nostrils flaring all through the night, as she dangling her tasty feet in his face. here he was in a smelly tent, surrounded by the unwashed masses, and she was nowhere in sight.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 10:32 PM

oops.. as she danglED her tasty feet in his face!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

There's a certain chaotic nature to these vampire tales that eludes normal parameters, isn't there?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Sep 04 - 11:13 PM

yes, the chaos theory reigns, with bat wings on!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 10:48 AM

Queuing up outside the men's toilets, Vlad was twitching with fury. He had taken a bus trip, bought a ticket, and was sleeping in a poor excuse for a hotel, all for nothing.

After performing his ablutions, he decided to head back to the Erko Hotel. No more buses for him, he silently wandered to the back of the main tent, and while those uncouth bearded yobbos inside were knees-upping to some strange harmonica jig, he silently unfolded his cloak, lifted his chin, unfurled two huge bat wings, and flew off into the night.

JenniG shuddered. She was going for a moonlit stroll with Himself. Their warm hands fitting around about each other, his kind crinkling eyes beaming down at her. But from the corner of her eye she saw...


a huge bird, stately and dark, flapping its mighty wings as its shadow drifted past the waning moon...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 05:53 PM

Keeping to the shadows as much as I could, I tailed Chongo, a curiously large chimp, after he left the fawnng baboon. After the ruckus we had overheard coming from his room, complete with bangings and bullets, there was no way I was going to get close enough to him to be espied. Chongo had a nasty temper, no doubt about it, but this was the first time he had gone this far over the top. Who knew how much more he was capable of.

He shambled- there's no other word for it - down the street about a block ahead of me, apparently in as straight a line as his gait could manage. Given my orders, one last time, to discover where the chimp got to each day about this time, I made sure he didn't disappear from my line of sight.

Chicago the Dirty, was even more unkempt today than usual. The streets and sidewalks were mostly bare but every corner, every wall, every alley, was packed with blown debris. A wilted refrigerator carton huddled against a listing railing. Inside the box, as I passed, I saw a shoe attached to what appeared to be a human leg. My spine crawled. No way was I going to investigate whether the body was alive.

Ahead of me, Chongo, the Chimp, halted. He looked back. I shrank against the wall.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 06:17 PM

She draped herself in her indigo silk dress, and threw on her fine purple paisley shawl. Her raven black hair cascaded down past her hips, fine flowers of carmine threaded through the flowing locks. It was evening, dark enough, and Magenta walked out the gate and up the road to the Erko Hotel. Thursday night, she walked up the battered back steps of the pub, went to the bar and ordered a double Cointreau on ice. Through the crowd she saw daubs of red and black, and heard the throb throb throb of "Bella Caio".

Magenta went out the back, the black tables were shiny with years of petrol smog and greasy fingermarks. Here were her mates, tipsy as usual, arguing about the state of the world and bolting down VBs. They were fresh from a gig at the Korean Worker's Club - where they had exchanged hearty songs for a few cheers.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 08:46 PM

Chongo had had that funny feeling for a moment...like the feeling you get in the jungle when you know something else is watching you. He looked around, but didn't see anything unusual, just the ragman making his way down the street and a capuchin hawking oranges to passersby.

"Hmmm." Chongo shrugged and headed in through the front door of Duffy's. The usual crowd was there...working class white men and their girlfriends, black jazz musicians and their girlfriends, bonobos, howlers, macaques...Duffy's was a joint that catered enthusiastically to all customers, both humans and primates, which made it a favorite haunt for Chongo. It was a regular league of nations at Duffy's.

"Hey, Chongo!" It was Ronson, the beat cop from the 12th precinct, off-duty at the moment. He was looking a little flushed, obviously enjoying himself after having a few. Chongo drifted over to his table and sat down. Ronson had two friends with him Chongo had not seen before. Probably cops as well.

Ronson was in an affable mood. "Lemme introduce my cousin, Frank, and Detective Morgan from Washington. We just call him 'Morgue' for short. Get it?" Ronson laughed heartily. Chongo extended his sizeable paw and shook hands with the cousin and the detective. The latter was a tall guy with thin lips that looked like they had last cracked a smile in 1929.

"I've heard of you," he said to Chongo. He said it like he didn't particularly give a damn.

"I ain't heard of you," said Chongo, "but you've got a good nickname. 'Morgue'. I like it. You oughta love this town."

"Yeah," said Morgan cooly. "I love it already. I might even move here if Washington gets hit by an H-bomb and the West Coast vanishes into the sea." (You could've used his eyes for ice cubes if you ran short of the real things.)

Chongo grinned. He wasn't about to get mad over putdowns of his fair city. Not tonight when he had a $20 gold piece in his pocket.

"So what brings you to the Windy City, Morgue?"

"If I thought that was your business I guess I'd tell you," replied Morgan, apparently determined to be unfriendly. Maybe the bastard didn't like chimps. Maybe he was just a bastard, period?

"Hey! Morgue. I told you this was my pal," interjected Ronson. "Relax...let's have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves. Morgan's here on a special assignment, Chongo. Hush, hush, you know..."

Chongo shrugged. "Sure. I understand. No sweat." He ordered a scotch and soda, and leaned back to enjoy a smoke. Ronson proceeded to tell Chongo the latest news off the street, which was per usual, unremarkable, the common tales of random acts of violence, contraband shipments, petty theft, grand theft auto, and all the other merry antisocial acts that keep a cop employed and off the bread lines.

("What would Ronson ever do if everybody suddenly decided to be a good citizen and obey the law," wondered Chongo silently. "Hell...what would I do? I'd be out of a freakin' job." It was an odd thing to contemplate.)

Fortunately though, given the general level of human and primate maturity in the general Chicago area there was no chance of that. Utterly no chance whatsoever.

Eventually the chitchat got around to Chongo's lack of paying work. By this time even Detective Morgan had warmed up a bit, possibly with the aid of the whisky he'd been drinking. "Y'know," he said, "I've got a job that only a fool or a romantic would want to take on. Maybe you'd be interested."

"Oh yeah?" said Chongo. "So who you got me pegged for, Morgan?"    A fool or a romantic? Never mind, it don't matter. What's the job?"

Morgan smirked in a humorless fashion. "Some guy named Fresnelli has a problem with a bloodsucker, so he says..."

The hair rose on the back of Chongo's neck. He listened closer.

"You mean a loan shark?" said Ronson's cousin, noisily. He had definitely had a few too many.

"Not exactly," said Morgan. "Try again."

"A dishonest lawyer," said Ronson, his face now quite red with drink.

"Not that either," said Morgan. He gazed at Chongo with cold ice-blue eyes. "I wanna hear your guess, shamus."

Chongo put down his drink carefully on the table and made a little tent with his paws. "A bloodsucker, you say?"

"Yeah."

"One that only goes out at night?"

"Yeah. How did you know?"

"Call it a hunch. Does this bloodsucker's blood run colder than yours or mine...well mine, anway...and does he get refills at the local blood bank when there ain't enough of the live stuff handy in the form of good lookin' dames?"

"What....?" interjected Ronson, looking startled and befuddled.

Morgan's eyes burned into Chongo's. "That's if you believe Mr Fresnelli. That's if you're enough of a sap to believe a story like that. I ain't. I told him to go take a long hike off a short dock and not waste my time."

Morgan lit up another cigarette with a contemptuous gesture and drained what was left of his last drink. "Like I said, if you want the job, it's yours. I got real work to do."

"Matter of fact, I do want it," responded Chongo. "You got a number for Fresnelli?"

Morgan smiled his unpleasant smile, and got out a card. "I figured you'd go for it. You must really be desperate for cash...or else you ARE a romantic."

"Naw," said Chongo. "I'm a fool, remember? Besides, I told that bloodsucking bastard never to set foot in this city..." (Morgan eyed Chongo curiously, but Chongo was not about to elaborate on the matter. Morgan could just wonder all he wanted about it.) He took the card and studied it carefully.

Vito Fresnelli, 17 Spartan Boulevard, and a Chicago phone number. Good enough.

"Gentlemen," said Chongo, getting to his feet without haste, "it's been a pleasure." He grinned. "I ain't had so much fun since the pipes busted last January in that cold snap. Morgue, I hope Chicago gives you exactly what you are worth, cos you are the kind of man who deserves to get...exactly what he is worth." That drew a sharp look from Morgan. He was not stupid. Chongo just grinned at them, doffed his fedora and walked out.

When he reached the street it occurred to him that he had still not opened the mysterious UPS package. What the hell...he would open it later, back at his office...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Sep 04 - 11:34 PM

I got that funny feeling again, goin' back to the office. Somethin' was definitely not right. But what was it? Well, who knows...

I got back to the office. The pieces of the gorilla bank were still lyin' around. The bum hadn't cleaned up the place like I told him to. Gorillas. You can't tell 'em nothin' about nothin'. I got the whisk broom and dust pan and consigned his remains to the garbage. Whoever the Chinaman was who built the damned thing, he shoulda got a medal for his construction expertise. He oughta get a job at Fort Knox, with his talents.

I put the package from Australia on the desk. I'd sniffed it, and I didn't smell anything that smelled like explosives or nothin' like that. So far so good. It was fairly heavy and it didn't rattle. Hmmm. Well, I opened it up...real careful...this could be a "present" from Pago. Pago is an enforcer for the North Side Gorillas and he don't like me for some reason. The feeling is mutual...only I know exactly why I don't like him.

I got one side of the package open, and what do I see? A statue. A statue in some kind of hard, black material. It's a statue of a woman, wearing a long gown which is parted somewhat to show her legs. Nice gams. I notice she's wearin' a short cape, and she has full lips, slightly parted, as if in surprise. Her eyes look real surprised too, like she just seen a ghost. Most of all, I notice she has the likeness of a wooden stake driven right through her chest. That accounts for the surprised look. One more thing. She has the face of Magenta!

Well, my blood ran cold when I seen that, I can tell you. This was either a warning from "A. Phrend" or it was a threat...or a taunt. Someone was messin' with my mind. I still had feelings for Magenta, even if she wasn't exactly human, bein' what they call "undead", and some sick bozo who knew that was messin' with my mind! I had a feeling I knew which sick bozo it was. A tall, dark one that needed some dental work done to fix a bad overbite.

How did this connect with Vito Fresnelli at 17 Spartan Boulevard in Chicago? I didn't know if it even did, but I was gonna find out. I got out the card that cold-eyed bastard, "Morgue" had given me and dialed Fresnelli's number. It rang 27 times and I hung up. I would try again in the morning...or I'd go out there to Spartan Boulevard and take a look around. And when I did, the tommy gun was goin' with me.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amarillo Millie
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 12:04 AM

By the time I got to my room (ha! right.) tonight, I was exhausted. My bosses were not happy with my report and I had a bit of a bruise below my ear to show for it. Tomorrow I'd go again.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 10:29 AM

The pub doors were about to close. Magenta knew that home was just a few steps away, but she was twitchin' for some action. Simon would be up the road, she and Jennyo decided to take a peek at Newtown. They strolled through the park at the end of the street, and crossed the bridge over the train track, leading up to the old Post Office on the corner of Erko Road and King St.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Sep 04 - 11:28 AM

JennyO wanted to get Magenta on her own, to find out what was going on. Since coming back from Jamberoo, she had noticed an air of strangeness about Magenta - or rather, even more strangeness than usual. And it did seem that Magenta was taking more than a normal interest in the remains of her rare steak. It was usually Miguel who would devour the leftovers, but this time, Magenta had begged for a little bite. Others in the choir had noticed too - Magenta was well known as a vegetarian.

As they walked up the road towards King Street, JennyO was reminded of the time last year when she was hurtling down the main street of Newtown in her car, pointing out the sights to Naemanson, and singing a little local song. She started to sing it now - it seemed apt....

I scored my drugs - at the Bank Hotel
Saw a ba-a-nd at the Sandringham,
I snorted speed off a toilet seat
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Dogs are cra-a-pping on the street
Queens are prow-ling on their beat,
Springs a dyke, on a motor bike
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

I had a wank, down at the Hub...(remember Magenta, I don't think he knew what a wank was!!)
Had a lashhh, at the Hellfire Club,
I played some tuunes, at the Carlisle Pub...(pity they don't have those sessions at the Carlisle anymore)
In dirty Newtown, dirty Newtown.

Gonna shave my head, gonna pierth my thongue,
Get a celtic cross - tatooed on my bum
Gonna shoot some smack, gonna dress in black,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn,
In dirty Newtowwwnnn, dirty Newtowwwnn.

"My kids get embarrassed when I break into song, but they aren't here now, are they - hey!" she chortled.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:24 AM

They came to the spot on the bridge that was always filled with a huge pool of water when it rained. On a bad night, you could get completely drenched as cars swept through the water. The street was patched and repaired with different shades of tar and cement. Magenta listened as Jenny's voice echoed across the empty road. Her voice was comforting, familiar, as she sang about all their old haunts.

But Magenta still had that strange feeling that she'd had on the plane.. It felt like someone, or something, was following them up the street. Magenta looked back, and thought she saw a shadow, or was it? Bats were screeching in the fig trees, swinging from branch to branch on the trees in the park. And there was her cat, Morgana, walking along behind them. As Magenta and Jenny crossed the main street, Morgana sat and waited.

Somehow, with everything that had happened at the Black Lion, Magenta felt, well, unnerved, different, almost as if something, or someone, had taken over her will. That gothic scream queen Vladimir had somehow violated her peace. Would she ever find happiness again?

Her thoughts lingered on the fig trees, and somehow she found herself thinking of Chongo, his big kind heart, and his huge, strong hands. Magenta felt, if she could just bury herself in his huge arms, and nestle her cheek against his broad chest, somehow, everything would be alright.

And quietly, behind them, as Jenny's voice echoed around the dreary streets, a shadow slipped back into a doorway, watching.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Sep 04 - 11:42 AM

Monday morning. It was raining in Chicago. A slow, dirty, omnipresent rain that would probably continue for the rest of the day. Perfect for a Monday.

Chongo got up and made some coffee. Very strong. He ruefully contemplated the bullet hole in his desk that had resulted from his fit of temper over the gorilla bank whose fragments now lay in the dustbin.

"I'm an idiot," he said to himself. "A jerk. I oughta be hung out to dry like an old banana peel."

He sipped coffee for awhile and thought about the young baboon who had asked for his autograph the other day. "Poor kid. He doesn't know his idol is a jerk who runs out of money cos of his own bad spending habits and then blames a 'piggy bank' for his problems."

Meanwhile Magenta was clearly in danger. Great danger. And she was most likely in Australia while Chongo was in Chicago, Illinois with $16 to his name and a tip about someone called Vito Fresnelli.

Well, first things first. It was time to get the train back on the tracks and rolling. Chongo finished his coffee, and dialed Vito Fresnelli's number again. Still no answer. Okay, then. Time to pay a visit to 17 Spartan Boulevard. He slipped into his working trenchcoat, picked up the violin case that contained the Thompson submachine gun, and headed out into the wet and gritty streets of the Windy City.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 09:30 AM

Magenta and Jenny turned left at the post office. They wandered down the old end of King st, past the Afghan carpet shop, past the school, the hall, the cafes and the Indian spice shop, which had fluorescent saris hanging outside it by day, and was the only place nearby where you could buy canned gulab jamens.

"What's she looking at now?", thought JennyO. Magenta was staring into a shop window. JennyO pressed her nose against the glass. It was set up like an arabian harem - dozens of belly dancing costumes, glittering with full skirts, tiny embroidered tops and little golden coins dangling here and there. And in the shop next door were dummies wearing stuidded leather jackets, pants and dog collars. Good old Newtown, it was impossible to get bored here.

Suddenly, Magenta's skin prickled all over. A familar gloved hand was touching her shoulder. JennyO looked around, and gasped in shock! "Not you again, what the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 08:45 PM

Spartan Boulevard turned out to be an upscale suburban street on the west side of town, in a street that was down in a little ravine and had plenty of trees. Not bad, even though it was wet and gloomy on this occasion. # 17 was a grey bungalow in good shape. The mailbox had several days worth of mail still in it. Chongo rang the doorbell several times and got no answer. He thought about it some and walked around to the back and knocked there. No answer. Time to take a look inside. A chimp can always climb up on the roof and enter by way of the chimney if it's large enough, but why do that when you can jimmy open a window somewhere and keep your clothes clean (if not dry)? It was only the work of a minute to find a kitchen window that opened and clamber in. The kitchen was fairly much in order except that someone had spilled a drink on the table, and it had run over on the floor and not been cleaned up. The same someone had not finished his meal, ham and eggs. That had happened at least a couple of days ago, by the look of it. The eggs were starting to smell. Something else was not smelling too good either, and Chongo had a good idea what it was.

He found it in the living room. There was a stiff hanging from the chandelier by his tie. It was a man, his face contorted and horribly pale. He was as dead as Herbert Hoover's chances of being re-elected to the Presidency. Upon closer examination Chongo saw that the guy had two deep bite marks on the right side of his neck. And his wrists were heavily bruised. He appeared to have put up a desperate struggle against a much stronger opponent.

"No wonder ya look so pale," growled Chongo. "I bet there ain't a teacupfull of blood left in yer veins."

Chongo fished the guy's wallet out of his pocket and checked the I.D. Vito Alfonso Fresnelli. Age: 39. Color of eyes: brown.

"I guess I ain't gettin' no useful information from you now, eh, Vito?" said Chongo. "Well, let's see what else we got here."

The wallet yielded a couple of gambling stubs, a condom, a membership card from the Loyal Order of Lampreys, and a hundred and fifty dollars.

"That's odd," commented Chongo. "Well, I guess vampires don't really need cash all that bad. Must be nice not havin' to worry about that...look, Vito," he went on, "I know you don't need this $150 no more, and I am short of dough at the moment. I hope you won't take no offense if I make use of this. Look, if you got any objection, just speak up."

Vito said nothing, so Chongo pocketed the cash. He comforted himself with the thought that this $150 would help him track down the undead creep who had done in Mr Fresnelli.

The next thing Chongo noticed was a gun lying on the floor. It turned out to have been discharged recently, all six chambers. Chongo could smell the fresh powder. He also found out where the spent rounds had gone. Two of them were in the wall out in the hallway and one more was buried in the doorframe. The other three had made a pattern of holes close together in the living room wall. Chongo could tell right about where the target of those rounds must have been standing, and it looked to him like all three shots had been aimed right about heart level for a tall man.

Vito had emptied his gun at his killer, and Chongo figured the killer in question had just stood there and laughed. Vampires aren't bothered by bullets. Then the creep grabbed Fresnelli with inhuman strength and sucked the life out of him. Simple. But why? Why would Vlad go after this guy?

Chongo methodically checked out the entire residence. He found plenty of evidence that Vito was into gambling and betting on the horse races, plus importing some kind of expensive stuff from Australia. There were codes written down, but it wasn't clear just what the shipments involved.

There was one more thing. A plane ticket to Australia. It was for a week from Monday.

"Australia. I never been to Australia." Chongo thought about it. As far as he knew there wasn't much of a primate population in Australia at this point, but what difference did it make? Magenta was in Australia, and the mysterious statue had come from there. Chongo went back to the living room.

"Vito," he said, addressing the dangling corpse, "I feel it is my duty to make use of this plane ticket, and go see what all this rumpus is about on your behalf. It might be you had unfinished business in Australia, so I am gonna see what I can do about it. I will drop a line to the cops so you get a decent burial. I am sorry about what happened here, so I hope they give you a nice clean coffin. Thanks for the $150."

Chongo put everything carefully back as it had been and exited by the same window he had entered by. The gloves he had worn would have left no fingerprints nor any sign of his presence. The cops were welcome to make what they could of Fresnelli's sudden end. They would certainly be puzzled by the bite marks, that's for sure, not to mention by all those bullet holes and no sign of anyone getting shot.

As soon as he got back to the office, Chongo phoned up the police. "Yeah, 17 Spartan Boulevard. I heard shots there a couple of days back. Maybe 5 or 6 shots. I been thinkin' about it, and I thought you oughta know. Who am I? I'm just a little bird that flew by. Yeah, that's right, a bird. Look, I gotta migrate, so bye for now. I hope it ain't nothin' too serious." Chongo hung up. That oughta do it. Chongo doubted that the cops would find much useful, but they were certainly welcome to try.

In the meantime, he had a vampire to catch. Time to read up on Australia. He had a week to do that and pack.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Sep 04 - 11:05 PM

For the last couple of weeks, JennyO had been feeling uneasy - as well as the strange way Magenta had been acting, there had even been moments at the folk festival in Jamberoo when she had felt someone's eyes on her, and she even thought she had caught sight of a swirling black cape out of the corner of her eye while in the Guinness tent on the last night, sipping a final half price Kilkenny with Sandra. Yes, there definitely was a chill in the air that night - not totally accounted for by the fact that the gas in the big outdoor heaters had run out.

She had thought of voicing her concerns to jack halyard, a larger-than-life bearded folkie, who did not look like Santa Claus, and with whom she currently shared her life and her lodgings, but lately he had been very busy writing new songs and she, not wanting to interrupt the creative flow, decided not to bother him.

Now, lost in thought as she stared in the window of Amera's Palace at the colourful drapings of chiffon, coin belts and zills, she remembered a time not long ago when her friend Magenta had brushed with a rather unsavoury character named Vlad.

Then, as if the very thought had called him into existence, she caught sight of a gloved hand on Magenta's shoulder, and raised her head to look into hollow liquid eyes tinged with madness.

"Bloody 'ell, not you again!" she gasped. "What the hell are you doing in Newtown? Got kicked out of The Stafford hotel, didya?" She was having some trouble speaking, especially since she had never heard of the Stafford Hotel.

Yes, there he was, large as life, Vlad himself. He was hovering over Magenta, needle-like teeth flashing in the light of a nearly-full moon. A large black cloak enveloped pale gothic features with slick oily black hair - someone who wouldn't rate a second look in Newtown - he would blend in easily with all the other goths.

He looked ready to sink those fangs into Magenta. "Look out Magenta!" she screamed. "It's Vlad the Inhaler!"

"Who?" asked Magenta, as if in a dream.

"Wake up Magenta!" - JennyO pulled her away. "He must have you hypnotised. Don't you remember Vladimir the Inhaler; Vampire Villain?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums Boris
Date: 01 Oct 04 - 03:15 AM

She could hear someone shouting.. and felt sucked towards that dark energy. The air was swirling around her, in a kaleidoscope of black leather, studs, swirling chiffon, coin belts and gulab jamens.. colours and symbols circling around her like a starry night.. She saw JennyO wrestling with what appeared to be an overripe, waxen skinned, red lipped, white fanged Elvis impersonator.. what late night horror show had she stepped into by accident? and that black cloak - was it a cloak, or huge dragonlike bat wings?

Magenta awoke out of her dream to the sound of someone chundering in the nearby garbage bin. She looked and saw that man, what was his name, Vladimir, bent over the bin, retching.

Jennyo was shouting - RUN ! for your life Magenta! get out of here! and suddenly, there was a shove, and she found herself on her side, a car door slamming, listening to the sound of JennyO and Simon shouting. she was inside that old white landrover, being tossed from side to side as the car screeched in and out of the backstreets of Erskineville......

"what happened?", she asked JennyO in a timid voice.

"It was that undead Transylvanian scumbag, Vladimir", said JennyO. "I called Simon on my mobile and then.."

"How did we escape?" bleated Magenta, exhaustedly.

"You were very lucky, Magenta", said Simon, "That walking corpse of an interdiluvian Elvis was just about to rip into your neck when he stepped in some leftover pizza, and was overcome by the smell of garlic. We left him having deep words with the garbage bin in King St".

It was all too much. Magenta lay back on the car seat, trembling and shivering with fear.......

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 04 - 08:52 PM

Chongo was reading up on Australia. It sounded like an interesting place, once you got out into the countryside. Lots of unusual animals. Somehow, though, he had a feeling he'd end up in the city instead, and cities were fairly much the same everywhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 Oct 04 - 09:03 AM

The old wooden bench in the backyard was comfy. She sat among the long grass, the dandelions and the ferns, listening to the sounds of Ecopella, the choir that rehearsed in her backyard each Monday evening. (http://www.ecopella.live.com.au/) The moon was big and round, and the sounds of voices blending in shades of forest green floated into the night.

Magenta felt muddled, not right. All those years of vegetarianism, spirulina, yoghurt and Doctor Bronner's peppermint soaps. Why was she craving meat all of a sudden? and why was she suppressing an impulse to run into the back studio and suck the blood from that juicy little tenor?

Maybe she needed iron tablets.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:46 AM

Simon took a deep breath, but, this time, not on his bong. Through the window he watched as Magenta sat huddled in her old shawl, on the bench, gazing at the moon. His bones were weary, weary of problems. Magenta, she was a good woman, he knew that. But she'd been laying a lot of crap on him lately, and he'd had enough. He knew what the problem was, he, JennyO, JennyG, Sandra, they'd all been pretending that everything was okay. But when he saw her gazing deliriously at that pasty faced pointy shoed Bat freak, Simon knew. Magenta had somehow been possessed by this manipulative Transylvanian poseur, he had taken over her will somehow.

Simon knew about these things, about the power of the mind, pointing the bone, ouija boards and that. He knew that, while nothing had actually happened to Magenta, the problem was, she THOUGHT something had happened to her. The placebo effect, if you get it. And this Vlad, this reptilian rubber scrubber, this weak arsed sabre toothed beanpole, he had her wrapped round his little, er, bat claw.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Amalia Clawall
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 10:56 AM

JennyO, JennyG, Magenta and Sandra were meant to be having a sewing evening. This was really an excuse to get together, listen to music, talk, and sew while they cooked potatoes in the fire. They baked them til they were covered black with charcoal on the outside, and were white and fluffy on the inside. Add pepper, butter, parsley and sea salt .. mmm.

But Magenta was off in the back shed, saying something about looking for mice. They looked at each other. Was this weird or what?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Natasha Smasher
Date: 16 Oct 04 - 11:02 AM

Simon knew what he had to do. Simon needed a good exorcist, someone who could cleanse Magenta of this low class spirit that was inhabiting her. Someone with the strength not to be frightened by Magenta's moods. Someone who knew this was more than an evening primrose job. Someone who could straddle two worlds - a ghost whisperer. There was only one person who could help, and he was in Plaistow.

How the hell could Simon lure Micca to Australia, when he was broke?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 05:59 PM

.....burp!










Vlad knew that he couldnt survive on bats alone for much longer..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Oct 04 - 10:51 PM

What in God's name does Micca have to do with any of this? Inquiring minds want to know. Next we're going to see jOhn from Hull dragged into this somehow...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:38 AM

Micca sat at his vast table, a huge, leatherbound book in front of him. It was the prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit, the 15th century visionary whose eyes saw centuries ahead, into the threads of Mudcatus Magentumus.

Micca's room was wall to floor in ancient books and music. Yet, in all his years of esoteric study, he had never come across anything as compelling as the Prophesies of Nostrilsarmpit. Written in deeply symbolic language, with hints of events barely imaginable in the 15th century, Micca's eyes bulged as he read the strangely hypnotic words....

Sitting alone at night in secret study;
it is placed on the computer screen.
A slight hum comes out of the emptiness and
makes successful that which should not be believed in Maine.

The mouse in the hand is placed in the left of the keyboard's letters.
With water he sprinkles both the hem of his garment and his foot.
A voice, fear: he trembles in his robes.
Divine splendor; the Mudcat sits nearby.

When the litters are overturned by the vampire
and faces are covered by cloaks,
the newtown moon will be troubled by its people.
At this time the conservatives and the drys will rule wrongly.

In the world there will be made a queen
Magenta her name, her tresses be black.
At this time the mind of the Goddess will be lost,
as Magenta seeks her ancient true love.

They will be driven away for a long drawn out fight.
The countryside will be most grievously troubled.
Town and country will have greater struggle.
Simon and Chongo will have their hearts tried.

The eye of Vladimir will be forsaken,
when his wings will fail at his feet.
The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot

Arrived too late, the act has been done.
The wind was against them, batwings intercepted on their way.
The conspirators were staggering from a party.
By Vladimir shall these enterprises be undertaken.

How often will you be captured, O daughter of the moon ?
Changing blood that is barbaric and vain.
Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 07:47 AM

"Bad times approach you. No longer will you be enslaved.
Great Micca will revive your veins... "

Micca could feel layers unpeeling from his mythic mind. The words of his old grandmother echoed in his mind, from when he was a young child.. "Mark my words, Micca Patterson, you will have to seek before you find, and that which you find will be filled with another, which you must empty before the true Goddess is revealed".

Micca pondered the significance of his grandmother's words. She had always spouted this phrase to him before telling him to clean up his room. Strangely, the words always seemed to inspire him, for amongst the clutter he always discovered some jewel, which had been given up as lost.

But this, this was different. The venerated Nostrilsarmpit seemed to be speaking to him. and who was the goddess of the moon, and why was her mind lost? What did it all mean?

Micca decided to have a sip of cider and listen to some Bessie Smith, before retiring for the night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:28 PM

My names Fresnelli...
Momma said there'd be days like this, but even she could never have imagined waking up in a morgue. For a moment I thought someone had shoved me in a filing cabinet but when I climbed out of the cabinet it was rather obvious where I was.

Damnit, Damnit, Damnit! How could I have been so dumb! Here I'd been chasing that fanged freak from continent to continent sure I'd get the bastard before too much longer and instead he'd gotten me. I had just been preparing for a trip to Australia to talk keep an eye on his last victim when he shows up in my front room. I know the pistol was a stupid thing but a frightened man will use about anything. Too bad I hadn't used my garlic and holy water bullets but Chicago was rough and those bullets wouldn't work on your normal chi-town hood.

Now, here i am standing naked in the morgue. As if being dead wasn't bad enough they've got to make it rather embarassing as well. First things first, some clothes. I don't have to worry about dieing of exposure (hah!) but walking around nude might draw some attention.

Next was getting to Australia. That bastard was sure to be there already, running down that unfortunate young lady. Well...the flight wouldn't be a problem. That fanged freak might have killed me but in some ways he just made my job alot easier. With the powers of a vampire now in my possesion I'm going to hunt him down and make him pay. I'm going to get a nice long piece of dogwood and personally carve a beautiful stake for that piece of bloodsucking shit and drive it through his coal black heart if it kills me, well... in a manner of speaking.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,A Very Large Pink Flamingo, hoping to get s
Date: 21 Nov 04 - 09:43 PM

Micca is on his way to Australia to battle Vlad the Inhaler? Maybe he could take a short sidetrip to Nottingham, NH and visit his Pink Lady. Lots of bats here to battle too, you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:05 AM

It had been a bad week. I'm a patient man, Rhymin'Simon thought to himself, a very patient man. But finding a dozen peeled bats in the freezer (yes, hygenically wrapped in snap lock bags, as Magenta had sweetly pointed out), well, you hadda draw the line somewhere. And it was a very long line.

yeh magenta was a cool ole lady, sang a good version of the Grisly Bride. But no more. Simon usually didnt agree with fascist concepts like deprogramming, motivation training or deportment and modelling classes. They were all subtle attempts by the interglobal capitalist multiglobular media monopoly to mold people to become more passive, socially engineered corporate citizens.

Now if magenta had been preserving those bats for science, or even caring for them in a box full of cotton wool for some wildlife enviro-group, it would be a different matter. But Simon was no fool. He saw the packet of sliced Jarlsburg cheese, the mild chili sauce, the tomato and the cos lettuce. And the tooothpicks... ugghh.

And Simon knew he took take it no more. Yes, there was only one person he could trust to freak Magenta back into her senses, only one person with the balls to confront her brain-dead carnivorous cravings, only one person whose efforts would not be in vein...

Micca Patterson, he of the memorable "Hash my Father Scored".

Simon had to do what a man had to do. He got on the phone.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:17 AM

It was 3am. Micca had been poring over Nostrilsarmpit for some time.

"The two of Plaistow will have made a constitution
for their future wisdom, lovers underfoot"

A constitution? lovers underfoot? the two of Plaistow? It was only him n the cat here, and while Micca was an open, non-judgemental sort of bloke, the cat was just company, really. Micca knew that Nostrilsarmpit often disguised his meaning in heavy symbolism and word play, partly so that it would have more applicability in future centuries, when pedants and skeptics started demanding rules of evidence and such like. Micca concentrated, looking for the deeper mystical meaning behind the words... lovers underfoot... what the hell could that mean?

briiing brrring... who was ringing at this ungodly hour? Micca picked up the phone and recognised the deep booming drawl of his old aussie mate, Rhymin Simon.

"Hey, Micca, mate. How'd you like to drop by for a smoko? I need some help, man. Ive got some good weed, purple heads, got it up Mullumbimby way. I'll set you up with a few gigs, mate."

Suddenly Micca understood. "Goddess of the Moon" "Lovers underfoot" - underfoot, underneath, down, down under - Australia. Micca knew, from the tingling up his spine, that he would rescue the Goddess of the Moon, and in the process, would find his true love, in Australia.

"Sure, Simon, what's up? I'll be over in a day or two."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 07:53 AM

..she had seen him again. magenta didnt know what it was that unnerved her about this man, the bat wings, waxen skin, the penetrating...



gaze. But all she knew was that she sensed a blackness in him. She gazed up in her mind, into his dark, dark eyes. it was as if she had never seen or known another man before. she could feel that longing, that aching.. this man was somehow, drawing her to him, she wanted to dive right into those eyes, that blackness, almost like diving into the night sky, to become obliterated in blackness.

"and", JennyG was saying, "you can buy these embroidered flowers - roses, violets, daisies, waratahs - even gymea lilies, and just iron them on. It saves hours of work and they look beautiful".

"where is she now", muttered jennyO. They heard a crash and a scream out the back shed.

JennyO, Jennyg, and Sandra all ran out the back. There lay Magenta, looking rather guilty, on top of a pile of pieces of wood, an old bicycle wheel, a bit of old tire and half of the old lawnmower, which was on its side, all seeming to have fallen out the side door of the shed. Yes, there lay Magenta, on top of all that clutter. JennyG looked, and looked away.

There was a mouse tail hanging out of Magenta's mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Nov 04 - 10:22 AM

LOL! These Vlad tales are truly wacko.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Micca
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:11 AM

Micca, thought long and hard, and applied the Zazen Meditation techniques and decided that to reduce the threat in Oz he would have to travel the Long way round to Sydney flying to New York and making a diversion to Nottingham NH. This would give him a chance to see Lavinia, his Pink Flamingo friend and obtain a specimen of her DNA. Using this to apply the Principles set out in Dr Michael 'Alaska Mike' Campbells' seminal Thesis " The application of gene technology in the production of the perfect Sled dog to win the Iditarod!"maybe it could be introduced into the vampire gene pool and thus neutralize the Bat problem , at least . For who could take seriously a 5 foot tall pink fluffy vampire bat??
He anxiously scanned Nostralarmpit for a sign, he found it at the bottom of page 1204
He showed .!.. and the mystic words "up yrs Vlad"
And the Verse
When winter holds the north gript fast
warm south nights dark with inkness
the Cider drinker forth will come
and with him bring the Pinkness!!!

which Nostralarmpit admitted (in the footnotes) he knew not the significance of but hoped in time would be revealed!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Magenta
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:40 AM

As magenta lay there on the rubbish heap outside she was dreaming about everything in pink. She woke with a start saying " I hate Pink!"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: MMario
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 08:44 AM

Gazing into the mirror - Magenta saw what she normally saw in the mirror - exactly nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 09:12 AM

At a loss for words?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 23 Nov 04 - 12:58 PM

Right,
Clothes courtesy of the night custodian. You'd think he'd be used to corpses moving because of rigormortis. Fainted dead away (if you'll pardon the pun).
No I didn't drink his blood, that's what I'm after Vlad for, I don't need to add to the problem.
Now the mechanics of becoming a bat. Got to concentrate and flow into the shape. If you've got a better suggestion I'd love to hear it.

Stop distracting me! The Louisville Slugger logo was beginning to appear on my side when I finally got my focus back! Okay, think short fuzzy ugly mouse with webbed fingers (Note to self: are bats the offspring of inbred mice?). That's about got it!

Perspectives quite a bit different (keep flapping!) The clothes aren't on the floor. I wonder where they go? Come to think of it, considering the theory of conservation of mass/matter where is the rest of me?

Don't think about it! Don't think about it! The floor is too far away to lose control at this point. Keep the horizon level, good. Haven't got time to master this, I guess I'll just have to wing it. Groan, I wonder if being a vampire makes you susceptible to puns?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 06:23 AM

Magenta felt, well, battered.. Those damn sewing nights were such a bore. Hemming, quilting, embroidering truths.. Nostrils flaring, the change to nick out the back on toss back a quick mouse or two had been irresistable, if she hadn't tripped over the wheelbarrow n onto that pile of wood n stuff. and here they were, flapping about her like three old aunts, batty as fruitcakes, and just as merry, she thought. No, she didnt need any helping up, thanks, she was okay.

She hadn't even been able to sink her teeth into the mouse - Freda had rescued it and rung the Wildlike Rescue Services. They werent interested anyway, as it turned out. waste of a good mouse.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 24 Nov 04 - 12:43 PM

Okay, so there is something more difficult than flying. Landing!
Note to self: try not to fly for extended periods as you start thinking like a bat! Changing back to human form while hanging upside down could be hazardous to your health!

Unfortunately I seem to be getting hungry and I know where that leads. Time to head it off before someone else ends up punctured and drained. The bloodbank probably has at least a few pints that can't be used because of possible contamination. What me worry? I'm already dead! It can't get much worse than that. I know what you're thinking and I'm just as disgusted. Please remember that this has been thrust upon me and I will see it to an end.

Checked the yellow pages. Theres one near the airport so I can dine and catch a flight. What? Fly all the way to Australia? I'm dead not crazy! I'll have to steal into the cargo bay in bat form and find a nice warm spot to hang (groan) until we get to Oz.

Found the place. New building with no windows that can be opened. Ventilation duct on top, can probably make it through in my current form. Don't even want to think about trying for a mist. I've never seen Vlad try it, it's probably an exageration. Whoa! Fan blades! That was a close shave (literaly). Got to be more careful. I might be dead already but it's not going to help being dead in little slices.

Let's try the front door shall we? Damn! Walked into the glass doors! Must be a light beam instead of a pressure mat. I guess no reflection means nothing to break the beam.

I must have made more noise than I intended. The security guard came out for a look around. A quick change and I'm through the door. I'll just wait for him to fall asleep behind his desk again and then it's a round on the house. I've got about five hours before the dawn flight out. It's probably pushing my (lousy) luck but hopefully I won't be too singed!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 29 Nov 04 - 05:44 PM

The flight to Australia could only be described as harrowing. Too many lay overs, and the whole way spent in the company of a yappy old miniature poodle that smelled like mothballs. The dog was too stupid to be scared! Towards the end it was extremely hoarse but it kept on trying to bark. I won't even mention the fact that it was incontinent and flatulent and every bark seemed to cause an equal and opposite reaction. I din't know whether I was going to sufficate or die laughing! All I can say is that the damn thing must have been hollow when we finally reached Australia.

But at last I am here and now can begin my hunt.

Yours,

Fresnelli

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:22 AM

Chongo had boarded the airliner with great anticipation. He had only flown on a few occasions and always found it to be a real thrill. You didn't see all that many primates on transoceanic flights because most of them didn't have that kind of money. Anyway, they preferred the banana boat to any other form of transportation. Chongo didn't have time to take a banana boat all the way to Australia.

He would have been quite intrigued to know that Detective Morgan and more than a few other cops were going nuts trying to figure out where the body of the late Vito Fresnelli had vanished to. He would have been even more intrigued to know that Fresnelli was riding in the cargo hold of the very same aircraft for which he had bought Chongo's first class ticket...in the form of a bat!

The fat lady in the seat across the aisle was obsessing endlessly about her beloved poodle "Desiree", which was apparently langushing in the cargo hold.

"I bet it's one of them spoiled, hysterical little canine nutcases," thought Chongo. "Good for nothin' but leopard bait!"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 08:33 PM

Arf! Arf! Yap!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:12 AM

magenta closed the dust pink velvet curtains, and threw herself onto the soft large bed. as the light crept into the sky outside, magenta lay in the dark, listening to Cara's CD, "Long Forgotten" .. (http://www.carasmusic.com/)

Mikle Ryan's beautiful words and Oaklet's haunting fiddle soaked into her brain..

"A hard and cold December day
I walked the path with my own friend
Smelt the sweetness of tobacco on the breeze
along a long forgotten path.

What we become is what we choose
and who is to care if the past we lose
and throw their memory, into the wine to be
forgotten like them.

And through the milk-light of a dream
I saw a hand, extending kind
Calloused palm, broad fingers never ring-adorned
and felt a long forgotten touch..."

those words, who did they remind her of?

"I saw a hand, extending kind
Calloused palm, broad fingers never ring-adorned
and felt a long forgotten touch..."

a huge sigh rushed through Magenta's body like a crashing wave, and she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into the pillow, a huge aching pouring into her chest as grief washed through her like a dark poison.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:14 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:18 AM

Magenta was whinging so much i was speechless for a moment...








before pondering on bloody women and their endless capacity for self pity.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:23 AM

Magenta knew that more than anything, she wanted Chongo. She needed his earthy warmth, his warm, embracing arms, and his strong, strong shoulders to sob into. Chongo, where are you?

the sounds of the Uileann pipes wailed through Magenta, through her blood and flesh, as she soobed and sobbed into the blood red sheets.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:38 AM

The air hostess froze..

what on earth.. well, what in sky was that dark shape hanging from the ceiling? and that strange sound.. OOK OOK!


Chongo couldnt cope with that damn China Eastern airline seat any longer. It was about as big as an ice cream bucket and as hard as a doctor's waiting room seat. Fed up with the strain, he stretched one long arm up to the luggage rack, and with one haul, swung himself up, stretched across, and hung comfortably upside down from the ceiling, as a wave of gasps rushed down the eisle.

aaahh, that was better... not long now!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:35 AM

It's only been a few days here in Australia (well okay, a few nights from my perspective) and already I'd like to be on the next flight home.

It's not that its not beautiful down under because it is, but already I've come close to serious harm several times.

I swear I was just minding my own business, hanging around as it were, and out of nowhere comes this black bundle of hair and legs with the worst attitude I've ever seen in a spider! So much for controlling children of the night. He (or she, I really didn't feel like getting an upclose look) chased me from one roost to another until I finally gave up and flew the coop (groan).

I tried the outdoor life, holed up in a gum tree. That's when the Kookaburas began screaming! Still it was probably a good thing since a snake was busily working it's way up and towards my roost!

I flew out of there so fast that I didn't pay attention to where I was going and ran into a tree and dropped into a pond. Apparently that was more than enough provocation for a duck billed beaver (I think it was a platypus) to come after me! So much for native hospitality!

Maybe a bit more civilization is what's called for. Maybe I can find a place at the opera house. I can't imagine that all of these poisonous animals would have much taste for opera.

Well,
No Worries!

Fresnelli

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM

Gettin' through Aussie customs turned out to be easier than I expected, despite the weird looks. There seems to be some pretty heavy prejudice against simians here. I thought they were going to make trouble over the "violin", but no...they just waved me through when I showed 'em Fresnelli's business card. Interesting! He clearly had some powerful contacts in Sydney. Doin' what is the question...? I don't figger he was handin' out charitable donations to orphans or nothin' like that.

I tried to track down Magenta, but no success so far. She's out there somewhere. I can feel her presence wafting on the breeze like a haunting perfume. I intend to do some moonlighting here till I find her and I ain't got time to waste with Vlad on the prowl.

Sydney turns out to be a real nice town, and the weather's great here too. Lots of sun...not that that would appeal too much to Magenta at this point. The nights are beautiful with the sea breeze comin' in. I can see where a chimp would want to build himself a nice little treehouse in the country here and just settle in for a bit.

I am gonna go see the Royal Botanical Gardens today, but first I gotta buy a nice big bunch of garlic buds and extract the juice...

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM

Got the garlic buds, and juiced 'em. Phew! Powerful odour! This stuff is gonna come in real handy, though...

Then I went to the Royal Botanic Gardens and looked around. It's a beautiful place, not far from that famous opera house in Sydney. They got over 150 kinds of palm trees and some big cycads too. some of these trees are ancient. I couldn't resist climbing the biggest cycad in the bunch, and got a great view from up there. Man, it's times like that that I get nostalgic for the old days back in Africa, before I emigrated to America. You ever swing on a grapevine, you don't forget it. It's like ridin' a bike or blastin' off a 50 cal. clip from a tommygun. It stays in your blood.

What should happen then but the fat lady from the plane with the damn poodle, Desiree', shows up, and the poodle starts barkin' at me. The silly thing thinks it's got me treed! Fat chance. I start pitchin' stuff outa the tree at the little monster and it goes hysterical. This is fun! Just like when I was a kid.

The fat lady drags the dog away, shakin' her fist at me. Tough bananas, lady! I had to put up with your whining for 22 hours.

I ended up just hangin' out in the trees till dusk. It's easy to think up there. Sort of meditative.

Tomorrow I have got to find out more about Fresnelli's business contacts here...and find Magenta.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 05:42 PM

Simon was meeting his old mate, Daintree Frank, for a catch up and a bit of a bong. It was Thursday, at the usual spot, underneath a huge Moreton Bay Fig tree. Frank would be along in a while, so Simon decided to curl up under the tree and have a little snooze..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

It might be time to let you all in on a state secret.
Don’t look at me like that, I swore to keep it secret until death.
I don’t think I need keep it anymore.

This isn’t my first trip to Australia.
Okay so that isn’t a surprise to you.
My last trip to Australia was many years ago but apparently what
happened back then is still in the national memory.

It was shortly after the end of WWII. The U.S. government had been sifting through what it could of the remains of Hitler’s memoirs and research programs. I guess it’s no secret that he was very interested in the occult. Some of what he uncovered was already well known as fact or regarded as pure fantasy and myth. Unfortunately for every known there were a certain amount of unknowns. The Australian Aboriginal beliefs of the Dream Time had largely gone unaddressed by the scholarly world. What Hitler was looking for, or what he might have actually found was one of the unknowns. I as a young scholar with military research and my much older partner
were sent down under to look into matters and also try to uncover any remaining agents from the reich that might still be active.

I know that all sound like bunk but after the war we all wanted to stamp out any remnants of the reich no matter how absurd they might be. Nobody wanted to take any chances that someone might pop-up with something dangerous and restart the madness.

So I found myself in the wilderness of the outback hunting down Nazis, collaborators and any information I could about Dream Time.

Unfortunately we weren’t the only ones that were interested. Shortly after we arrived, and generally right before interviewing a suspect we’d find that person dead. At first it was merely an annoyance but after the bodies started piling up the public began to worry about having a serial killer amongst them. It didn’t help that some of the deaths were pretty bizarre and due to the work we were doing the details had to be considered secret. If the Aussies had know that the murderer was just after Nazi agents they might not have gotten so concerned.

And this of course is where Vlad comes into the mix. Of course at the time we didn’t know the murderer was a vampire and to this day I still haven’t been able to determine if he was working for someone or had his own agenda. My partner decided that we should stake out a few of our suspects the night before we were actually supposed to be interviewing them. We suspected that there was a leak somewhere in the chain and that moving before we were supposed to might let us catch the murderer.

We almost didn’t get him that night. If it hadn’t been for a very young girl walking in on Vlad and his victim (her grandfather) and her subsequent scream we would have never known. We broke the door of the house down and stormed in guns drawn. There was blood everywhere around the corpse of the old man and there was Vlad, the little girl clutched against him as he drained her life. We didn’t bother trying to take him alive. We let him have it with what you might call extreme prejudice. Of course our bullets had no effect whatsoever. My partner became his third victim that night. Vlad tossed him around like a rag doll. He never stood a chance. I would have been the fourth but for the sunrise. I was found unconscious among the bodies. It took awhile for the government to get me off the hook. For some reason Vlad fled Australia. I guess he thought we’d actually be able to stop him with enough men and a few sharpened stakes.

I’ve been after him ever since.
That’s the story, believe me or not it doesn’t matter. Unless you were one of the few that Vlad hadn’t managed to kill.

I just found out about another unknown. Apparently along with great strength, morphing, and controlling night creatures, a vampire can feel the presence of other vampires. I can only assume that since I feel him, he also feels me. He doesn’t know necessarily that it is me of course but I can only guess what his course of action will be. The game just got a lot more interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:55 AM

Daintree Frank is a slim, elfin, sun bronzed, leathery skinned old hippie from up north, the Daintree. He lives in an old wooden house facing onto a beach, in the far remote north. A rainforest is his backyard, the beach his home, and the wild, open ocean his orchestra.

To the dance of the stars, the pull of the moon, and the supreme gaze of the sun, the ocean throbs and recedes, crashes and dumps, through day and night, washing a wet rhythmic chorus behind Daintree Frank's fine tremolo tenor. His voice is like a piccolo, high, tremulous, vibrating.

Today, Frank was in Sydney, meeting up with Simon under the 4th old Moreton Bay Fig tree from the herb garden. Sitting between the tree's vast wooden roots, straddling the tree and earth like huge thighs, Frank opened his lunchbox. Inside was a brown rice salad, peppered with sunflower seeds, pine nuts and finely chopped celery. Alonside was an avocado, mango and chilli salsa. Frank was so busy eating, he didnt feel the eyes watching him.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:24 AM

Avocados and mangos. Yum! That got me thinkin'. I watched the strange little guy havin' his lunch and my stomach started to growl. This hangin' out in the trees wasn't bad, but I needed food, specifically, fruit, so I left the park behind and found a grocery. They got a great selection of fruit in Australia. This would be a good place for apes to emigrate to if it wasn't for the political attitudes. I loaded up on the best stuff I could find. Then I looked around some and got myself a cheap room at the outskirts of town, not far from the ocean. I needed to make some preparations indoors...with some 50 caliber ammo. I knew Vlad was impervious to bullets, but I didn't think he'd be so impervious to slugs soaked in garlic juice! No sir. They might not kill him...but he would sure wish he was dead when they hit him! Ha!

After preparin' five hundred rounds in this fashion and oilin' up the gun, I went out to get a better look at Sydney. Nice place for a short vacation.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:35 AM

Frank had been lying in the sun for some time. Where the hell was Simon? they had a special project, a furtive undertaking, and very high hopes.

Frank and Simon had a secret new plant that was under cultivation at the Botanic Gardens.

Bob Makinson, a boatnist from way back, and a folkie renowned for singing through his nose on the odd occasion, had created an amazing new plant, Grevillea Mudcatus, a grevillia that was unique in that it had long "whisker" stamens like a mudcat.

Simon, always interested in herbs and other natural things, had taken some of the Grevillea Mudcatus seeds and had combined them in a blender with some Cannibus Sativa and some mushrooms, and had dug them into a special spot underneath the oyster plants. Simon made sure they were well watered and cared for, and to his surprise, up grew a strange looking new plant, with long thin green leaves like, well, like an open hand, and fine whisker-like fronds emitting from the flowers.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:47 AM

Simon was so thrilled with his invention, that he contacted Daintree Frank via ham radio, and they had a long conversation about the possibilities inherent in a new species of dope. They even talked about copywriting the plant - if those big genetic engineering companies could copywrite corn, well, then maybe Simon and Frank could copywrite their new plant. the only thing was to give it the right name, one that would   bring it to the attention of the potential millions of customers that could be interested.

Simon was already visualising the houses he would own in Hawaii, Alberta and Maleny. And the extensive influence he could wield over politicians - this, thought Simon, was his ticket to finally solving the Middle East crisis.

Martin Gibson and CarolC were not so sure, but they figured anything was worth a try.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums Boris
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:37 PM

Simon strolled at a leisurely pace towards the 4th old Moreton Bay Fig tree from the herb garden. He was a fine looking bloke for his vintage, long and lean, golden brown skin and green eyes, eyebrows like flapping magpies, distinguished long white beard, spiky mullet, and his pipe.

There was Frank, snoozing under the tree, his hat draped across his face, backpack being used as a pillow.

"Eh, Albatrossy, wake up!" (Simon calls all his mates Albatrossy)

Frank sat up with a start, waving his hands about and shouting "get the hell off"

bad dreams, thought Simon, this man having bad dreams.

As he got up and smoothed his hair back, Daintree Frank felt something wet on his throat. Touching it, he looked at his fingers to see...

blood.

Jeez, the mozzies are bad today, he thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 02:39 AM

magenta could feel the vibes, the bad vibes. men everywhere, arguing with another, pushing each other round. she had had enough.

Magenta decided the only thing that made sense was to morph. to get back to her origins, to return, to the Old Country. Whatever strange things had happened to her, she knew the only thing to do was return to her people. The people of the old ways, who could heal her and help her.

She stood under the huge old gum tree in the back yard, and threw her long hair about her like a cloak. Under the Southern Cross, she trembled all over, a huge rippling goddess.

The gum tree stirred, the wind fluttering through its long, dangling grey green leaves, and suddenly, up high in the tree was a huge white owl, flapping its enormous wings.

It turned westward, a flew upwards, and onwards, across the starlit sky and back to the ancient forest of the Motherland.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 10:27 AM

Three weeks in Australia, and I still ain't met Crocodile Dundee! Matter of fact, people around here seem to regard him as an embarassment for some reason. Well, the weather is great and the tropical fruit is great too. I am thinkin' of leaving Sydney and headin' into the interior. I got a feeling that's where the action really is. I'm gonna rent a jeep, get an aboriginal guide and check out the outback. I'm dyin' to see a real kangaroo that ain't in a zoo.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 12:41 PM

69

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Jan 05 - 04:14 PM

We don't wanna hear about your sexual preferences, Georgian Silver. Okay? We got standards here.

Well, I found an aboriginal guy here named "Jimmy", of all things. I was hopin' he'd have some exotic name, but nope. Jimmy. Turns out though that Jimmy knows the lay of the land just fine. We have rented a jeep and are headin' out tonight inta the great unknown. I did manage to find a trace of Magenta's trail, found a room she was at recently, but she ain't there now. She's headed for the high country, same as me and Jimmy. I figure Vlad is out there somewhere too, and I am gonna find him. Count on it.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Jan 05 - 01:17 PM

Whoo-ee! Jimmy drives this thing like a bat outta hell! You gotta really hang on. I am lookin' through my tour guide here, and it seems that William Shatner is comin' to Sydney in a coupla weeks to promote some dieting show. That oughta be a hoot. That guy is like a fat, sticky something that splatters all over your windshield at 90 mph, and you can't figure out what the hell it was, and no matter HOW hard you scrub it just WON'T come off! He's indelible.

WHOA! There's a kangaroo! Or is it a wallaby? Stop the jeep, Jimmy! Gotta get a picture. Yeah, I know, "what's the fuss?".   Well, buddy, I just seen my first wild kangaroo, that's what. Stop the jeep!

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 19 Jan 05 - 07:42 AM

magenta was sitting cross legged, on the warm red desert earth.
around her in a circle sat the women of the desert - wrinkled faces, big smiles, deep dark eyes. Magentas long black hair was draped about her, she was being painted in white ochre and feathers - the fluffy feathers of the old white Owl, (Tyto alba deliculata), or "the delicate white owl". One old mama was was nodding, talking, and in front of her was a pile of very dry grass and crackly dead leaves. Beside her was a woman with a mane of long black hair, skinny as a rake, with long, long legs like beanpoles. This woman was rubbing sticks back and forth, over the dried leaves, until the day sky flushed with red and then grew dark.

all the women were clapping and chanting, and Magenta was so hypnotised by the sound, she was in a trance. the night sky was black, and above her circling in the sky were 13 beautiful white owls, gliding in their ghostly and silent flight.

The woman with long legs finally stood up and said, "Auntie Jean, we aint gettin nowhere". Then she took a cigarette lighter out of her pocket, and wOOOsh! lit the dry grasses in a crackle and leap of yellow flame. as the flame danced, the grasses smoked, and through the low singing, and the occasional wild screech of an owl overhead, flowed and drifted, thicker and thicker, swirls of grey smoke, winding themselves in, around and about Magenta.

And for hours under the stars, Magenta rocked, swayed and struggled as her women, the women of the Oldest way, the most ancient women of the earth, smoked Magenta, smoking her with the oldest cleanser, smoking the bad spirit out of her.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums boris
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 08:23 AM

Magenta could feel something hot on her face. She opened her eyes and looked up, to see a slender white gum tree reaching across her, dangling its grey green leaves down towards her. The branches reached up towards the vast blue sky, and the warmth was the heat of a hot morning sun. Magenta sat up. she had been lying on the red earth, in a bed of white feathers and yellow grass. She turned her head and saw two long, long legs, a short faded denim skirt, a Tshirt that said "Australian Maid", black ray bans, a big smile, and a river of raven hair. It was the woman from last night. Suddenly it all started coming back…..

"Hey, owl woman, I'm Hilda – hadda bit too much grog last night? Watcha doing out here under the tree?" Magenta grinned. This woman was full of spunk.

"Wanna hit the tracks?" Magenta looked over the women's should and saw her striding towards an old pink Holden FJ , all tarted up and ready to ride… "Sure", she grinned, and leapt into the car next to Hilda.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums boris
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 08:28 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Bleeding gums boris
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 08:31 AM

As Hilda revved up the old engine, Magenta was lost for words... Hilda turned on the radio, and out blasted the Village People...

Together we will go our way, together we will leave some day.

Together your hand in my hand, together we will make the plans.

Together we will fly so high, together tell our friends goodbye.

Together we wills tart life new, together this is what we'll do.

Go west, life is peaceful there.

Go west, lots of open air.

Go west, to begin life new

Go west, this is what we'll do.

Go west, sun in winter time.

Go west, we will do just fine.

Go west, where the skies are blue.

Go west, this and more we'll do (The Village People).


Hey, Hilda, said Magenta nervously, are we going west? I've gotta get back to Sydney.

No probs, said Hilda, we'll get there honey. Just petrol, water and patience.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 04:15 PM

Chongo pricked up his ears. "What the hell is...Jimmy! Stop the jeep!"

Jimmy had noticed it too. The faintest whisper of distant music, pounding to what was clearly a disco beat.

"It's the...Village People!" exclaimed Jimmy and Chongo simultaneously.

"You know about the Village People?" said Chongo. "I wouldn't have expected that."

"You be surprised what I know," remarked Jimmy.

The distant sound faded and trailed off, somewhere to the north across the outback.

"Let's check it out," said Chongo. Jimmy put her in gear.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:41 PM

Fresnelli awoke with a start.
Something pink and noisy was headed down the path towards his tree.
A Holden playing the Village People, what in the hell was the world coming to? But wait, there was a strong pull as the car swept past. Fresnelli was almost pulled from the tree into the sunlight. With singed wingtips he pulled himself back into his hole.

Fresnelli thought for a moment. This wasn't who he had come after here. It wasn't Vlad. But something told him that whoever, or whatever was in that holden would lead him right to him.

The tug didn't seem to be slackening as the car put distance between itself and the tree. It was going to be a long day of sleep before he could follow.

Just as he was drifting back ito sleep he was jolted back to alertness. This time he just couldn't believe his eyes. A man and a chimpanzee in a jeep went tearing past the tree.

Fresnelli rubbed his eyes and looked again. Still there.
"It wouldn't be so bad, he thought, but was the chimp really wearing a a fedora and a trench coat?"

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 11:05 PM

It had taken a month for Detective Cass Morgan, better known as "Morgue" on the street, to piece together the few available shreds of information about Vito Fresnelli's connection in Australia. This was something big. Something big enough to set a man up in luxury for the rest of his life...if he kept it to himself. Morgue knew it in his gut. He could taste it. He shared this perception with no one. As far as the other cops were concerned, the trail had gone stone cold. The mysterious disappearance of Fresnelli's corpse looked to be just one of those things that would never be solved, and what did it matter anyway? With the North Side Gorillas and the South Side Baboons drifting day by day into a new and bloody turf war, there were more pressing things to worry about in Chicago.

On February 15th Morgan asked for some time off, and he got it. A month off duty. Rest and relaxation. That's what they figured. Well, others could rest. Others who had no brains or ambition. Morgue was on his way to Australia. To the big payoff. And one thing was sure...he would find that lousy chimp shamus, Chongo, over there when he got there. Chongo wasn't in Chicago, so he was for certain in Australia. Morgue figured there was no time to waste. He wasn't going to let some damn, filthy, fleabitten ape with delusions of human status snatch a fortune out from under his nose. No sir. If the ape got in the way, the ape would die. And good riddance. Morgan would be doing a favour to society, he figured.

It was February 17th when Morgue landed in Sydney. By the 18th he had gleaned information that confirmed that the ape had headed inland in a jeep with an aboriginal guide named Jimmy. It had something to do with some woman called Magenta, a good looking dame. Chongo was looking for her for some reason. She had to be Fresnelli's agent in Australia. So far so good. Morgue found a couple of likely plug-uglies in need of work, named Bartles and Culp, with plenty of outback experience. They were men with little or no scruples, and not a whole lot of imagination either. They would do just fine. They loaded up the jeep with enough firepower and supplies to deal with a month in the Australian desert and anything they might encounter.

"Wot are we goin' after, mate?" asked Bartles, his coarse face sweating in the sun. Culp stood by, cradling a high-powered rifle. He was squinting down the sights speculatively, hoping to find something he could kill. Maybe a passing wallaby or dingo...

"You'll see," said Morgue. "Just find me a jeep with a black man and a chimpanzee. That shouldn't be too hard. They're out there somewhere."

"When we do, can I kill the chimp?" inquired Culp. "I've never shot a chimp yet."

"Be my guest," said Morgue, "but the chimp doesn't get it till I give the word. We follow the chimp. He leads us to where 'X' marks the spot. Then you kill the chimp. Not one moment sooner."

"It's your quid," said Culp, grinning mirthlessly. He squeezed off a shot and picked off an unfortunate kookaburra that had landed on a nearby tree. The bird gave a weird cry and fell in a messy heap.

"And save your damned ammunition for when it's needed!" snapped Detective Morgan. Culp was thinking about making a smart remark back, but changed his mind when he saw the look in Morgan's cold grey-blue eyes. This was not a man to mess with. And he was paying the bills.

They hit the trail at 5 AM the next day, heading inland. Fast. They would find the chimp. A piece of cake, that's what it was. Not a bad way to earn a month's pay, even if the management was less than ideal. It would be fun to shoot a chimp, thought Culp. He was sick of potting wallabies and 'roos.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 10:50 PM

As the sun set the sky glowed red in the west, shades of Uluru reaching across the horizon before Fresnelli. He stretched his wings through the twilight and launched out across the outback in pursuit of who or what he didn't know.

After a few miles in the heavy air Fresnelli began to tire. He landed in a tree beside the road to rest and think. Too many miles between us for a small bat to handle. Perhaps another shape. He'd heard that vampires could take on more than one shape. He'd read the books and seen the movies, call it research on the enemy. There must be some grain of truth to them.

A rat wouldn't be too far fetched. Pretty close to a bat really. But that would only complicate the traveling problem. A wolf! That would do it. A steady lope would cover many miles of outback. Fresnelli formed a picture of a wolf in his mind and began to concentrate on it. Long muzzle, silvery heavy fur (a bit inconvenient in these hot climes but that was the price), a long bushy tail...

A brief moment of pain and he was a wolf. Fresnelli looked at bent and looked at himself. In the moonlight he could see that his coat was not thick at all although the tail was right. The muzzle seemed a bit shorter than it should be. Fresnelli was left with only one conclusion. Something about dreamtime must affect supernatural abilities. He'd gone past the wolf in evolutionary form and landed on the somewhat more domesticated Dingo. "When in Rome", he thought and loped on off down the road.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 11:35 PM

Chongo and Jimmy had a small campfire going. They had parked the jeep under some exotic-looking trees. Chongo intended to examine them more closely in the morning by climbing the tallest one and getting a good look around.

Jimmy had brewed some gloriously strong coffee, heavily flavoured with brown sugar. Chongo sipped it with great satisfaction.

"Mighty good brew," he remarked amiably. "It's amazin' how this stuff has gone all over the world. How long you people been drinkin' it?"

"A long time," said Jimmy. "It's one of the good things the white people brought when they took over here."

"Yeah." said Chongo. "There's always a few good things like that. My grandad never knew about coffee or fried eggs or newspapers or nothin' like that, but he knew all about jungle stuff. He could find food in places where a white man would starve to death. It wasn't cooked food, though. It was bugs and roots and stuff. Pretty healthy, actually."

Jimmy smiled, showing teeth that shone shockingly white in his dark face. "So your Grandad was a forest ape?"

"Yeah," said Chongo. "There was a lot more forest back then in central Africa. It's disappearin' fast now, and so are my people. They're gettin' wiped out. Some might call it 'progress'. I call it organized mass murder."

"So you moved in with the whites, same as I did," commented Jimmy. "You figured it was the best way to go."

"Yeah, I did." Chongo looked thoughtful. "The fact is, I was curious. I wanted to see if those big bwanas were really as all-powerful and superhuman and smart like they thought they was. I wanted to see if a chimp could learn to drive a car, add and subtract, talk on a telephone, swing an ax, and fire a gun. I caught a boat to the USA as soon as I could, and just learned things on the street. I learned fast. You had to learn fast if you wanted to make it."

"What's it like there?" asked Jimmy softly. "Is it like in the movies? Big cars and gangsters and airplanes and beautiful blonde women with bright red lips?"

Chongo laughed. "It is and it ain't. For those that got money it is all that and more. For those that don't...it's long hours, lousy jobs or no jobs at all, and a future that ain't too pretty."

"Just like here," said Jimmy.

"Yeah, only a whole lot more people and less open land. I'm in Chicago. You ain't seen a city like that. Like a giant anthill. It's beautiful and horrifyin' all at the same time. I like it. Chicago is home to me."

"Have you been to New York?"

"Yeah. Five years there. I was there when Kong cashed in his chips. Every ape knows exactly where he was on the day Kong died and when he first heard the news."

Jimmy's eyes went wide. "You mean King Kong, the biggest ape that ever lived!"

"The same," said Chongo. "He's gone now, but he'll always be the King. Elvis is nothin' next to Kong."

Jimmy lit up a smoke, and so did Chongo. They smoked for a bit in silence. The sky was very dark now, but lit by a million brilliant stars. A heavenly cathedral.

"Do you hate the white men?" asked Jimmy.

"That depends," said Chongo. "I don't hate all of 'em. I even like some of 'em. I could stand havin' a few less of them in charge of everything for a change. The fact is, there ain't no use hatin' what can't be changed. It just eats you up inside, and it don't do no one no good."

Jimmy nodded. "You speak wisely, brother." He yawned and stretched. "Tomorrow we reach the Darling River. Big river. I find a good crossing place. I think your Magenta she gone that way."

"Okay," said Chongo. "You're the man. Lead on." He had learned to trust Jimmy's judgement when it came to tracking. This was his country, and he knew it well.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 11:46 PM

MIles down the moonlit road Fresnelli loped along. In the night surrounding him he began to feel eyes upon him. From the fig trees he felt a glare of hatred follow him. From the side of the road a beautiful rainbow colored serpent gave him a knowing glance. The night was full of eyes and he began to worry and wish the he wasn't so alone.

Suddenly from the bush another dingo joined him on the road. Smaller than he but somehow faster, a laughing tongue hanging from her mouth as she swept past him. Teasingly she led him along just out of reach. Fresnelli forgot for the moment who he was, what he was, why he was even here. Without care he let go of the now and flew in pursuit of the temptress before him. The wind tore around him and the miles of moonlit road disappeared under his paws.

At the first hint of dawn the female dingo left the road and led Fresnelli to a burrow near a billibong. He marvelled for a moment for he had not thought this far and with the daybreak he surely would have been caught out and been consumed by the sunlight. In the darkness the female dingo turned and nuzzled him. It seemed that although the night was over there were other things yet to do.

As the twilight stole over the outback Fresnelli awoke, looking around for his companion only to find himslef once more alone. He yearned for her and was surprised that he should feel so powerfully for something, for someone he corrected himself, not even of his own species. He wandered out to the billibong looking for a drink only to see her face in the water. He looked up and around, glancing up to see the thin clouds high above. Just his imagination he thought.

As he was drinking he felt silvery laughter in his head.
"We shall meet again my handsome man, remember me, remember Yhi."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 05 Mar 05 - 08:44 PM

I've been thinking alot over the last few days.
Maybe I've been going about this in the wrong way.

For years now I've been chasing Vlad alone using the nazi gold and jewels my parter uncovered during our mission to Australia. Always alone for fear of getting someone else killed. He's been my personal vendetta for so long now I'm not even sure what year this is. And look what it's gotten me. Dead, or rather undead and now I realise that I didn't even bother to think about what I'd do after killing him.

I can still feel him out there. I'm sure I have the strength to go one on one with him. But I still don't know if I can destroy him. Maybe it's time to form some alliances. It took me awhile, maybe it was the dingo blood still flowing, but I finally put two and two together. I never really thought about it but there has to be some truth behind these legends and myths or else why would the government have been so edgy about Hitler getting his hands on the information. And after the other night I know for sure that some myths are just long forgotten truths.

Yhi! If you're willing, I'm ready for some help. Vlad is still out there and he's got to be stopped. I've never had a female partner before let alone an ancient Autralian godess. But if you're willing I'm yours. Together we'll stop him. Maybe then I can think about my future, maybe it's right here with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 06:04 PM

It has been many nights since I last saw Yhi. I have traveled alone, unmolested across the outback. Perhaps that is reason enough to believe that I'm not alone.

I finally caught up with the chimpanzee last night. He had cast off his trench coat, rolled up his sleeves, and untied his tie. I wondered for a moment at this sight but decided it was no stranger than an old man turned into a vampire and disguised as a dingo.

I was about to continue my trek when I noticed that it was an Australian Fig that the chimp was reclining on with his fedora over his eyes. Sure enough a Yara-ma-yah-who was steadily descending the tree towards the chimp.

Sorry? You've never heard of a Yara-ma-yah-who? Well, the yara-ma-yha-who is a not so mythological critter that looks like a little red man. They've got little sucker cups on the end of their fingers. They reside in fig trees and drop on anyone who happens to sit under one. They suck the life force from their victim like some kind of vampire and then devour them. Strangely enough they regurgitate their victim a little shorter but otherwise unharmed. If the victim is dumb enough to repeat the experience, over time they themselves will become a Yara-ma-yha-who.

I began to leap towards the camp but checked myself at the last moment as the Yara-ma-yha-who reached down to grab the chimp. The chimp suddenly grabbed the Yara-ma-yha-who and held him out at arms length getting a good look at it, Having satisfied his curiosity he stood up and swung the snarling Yara-ma-yha-who head first into the fig tree a couple of times. He then unceremoniously stuck his boot up the Yara-ma-yha-who's ass sending him flying into the next tree over. There was an immediate uproar from the next tree as Yara-ma-yha-whos tend to be territorial with only a few living in each tree. The commotion settled down after a moment and it looked like the show was over. Not so. The chimp looked like he was going to go back to sleep but apparently he thought better of it. The chimp took off his tie and shirt and leaped up into the tree. With alot of rustling and shaking of tree boughs two more Yara-ma-yha-who came shooting out of the tree and into the other. The commotion as greater this time but again settled down pretty quickly. Apparently the owners of the other tree had seen what the chimp had done and weren't about to leave the tree and the new occupants weren't about to try to retake their tree. The chimp settled back down with a smug grin on his face.

I chuckled to myself. They didn't need my help on this one. I turned to continue my trek but suddenly found I had no beacon to follow. The only explanation I can think of is that the girl and her friend must have gone on a dreamtime walk-about. With the car tracks and scent dwindling I guess I won't have much of a trail to follow oh well. Life ain't easy.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 06:32 PM

I always make it a point to buy a coupla good guide books when I'm in a new place. It helps. But guide books will not tell you everything about a place. You also gotta have a good measure of jungle instinct on yer side. Fortunately, my instincts ain't dwindled since I left the Old Country (Africa). I can always tell when somethin' is creepin' up (or down) on me. I had now made the acquaintance of some nasty little critters that weren't in any of the guide books. They had a lotta nerve droppin' outta trees and tryin' to get the drop on a guy that lives in trees (when he's roughin' it.

I did the usual reconaissance from the top of the fig tree I had cleared out, and I noticed one thing...a set of headlights. There was another jeep away back on the trail where we had come from, goin' northwest. I kinda looked like they might be followin' our trail to me.

I figured to tell Jimmy about it when he came back. He was out rustlin' up some fresh food. Man, I could sure use a good Chicago hotdog or two right now. The mangos had run out.

I could hear the nastly little whatchamcallums twitterin' and bithchin' over in the other fig trees, but I figured they would keep their distance now.

After awhile the headlights turned out. They must be stoppin' to camp. Odd that they would keep drivin' after dark anyway in this country. One thing for sure, it was not Magenta. Not behind us. She hadda be up ahead somewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 06:53 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bg boris
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 07:07 PM

it had been two days of driving, and Magenta and Hilda were roaring ahead, listening to everything from kd laing to andy irvine...

Never tire of the road....
Never tire of the rolling wheel
Never tire of the ways of the world
Way out yonder is a-calling me
And the dark road leads me onwards
And the highway, that's my code
And the lonesome voice that I heard said
Never tire of the road

I was just a small town country boy
When I left that country town
Route 66 to the Westward
And hopped an old freight down
California here I come
By the side door Pullman and the sunburnt thumb
And they called us Okies, lowdown bums
And the police on us frowned

California to the New York Island
Me and my guitar
And we played in many a hobo jungle
Many a skid row bar
Standing out in the wind and the rain
That lonesome whistle is a sweet refrain
When you are waiting for some old freight train
That carries an empty car.

Don't let them ever fool you
Or take you by surprise
That dirty smell of a politician
And the man with the greed in his eyes
One big union, that's our plan
And the IWW"s your only man
The flames of discontent we'll fan
For the cause that never die

Never tire of the road....
Never tire of the rolling wheel
Never tire of the ways of the world
Way out yonder is a-calling me
And the dark road leads me onwards
And the highway, that's my code
And the lonesome voice that I heard said
Never tire of the road......

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,n. smasher
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 07:09 PM

You know, I'm getting bloody tired of this road, said Magenta.. where the hell are we?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 05 - 07:29 PM

Bartles was reading a well-thumbed Steven King novel, his favorite way of winding down after a hard day on the trail. Every now and then he chuckled appreciatively at some particularly grisly passage.

Culp was oiling his rifle. That was his favorite way of winding down when it got too dark to shoot things. He glared at Bartles. "Why do you read that shit, mate? It's bloody stupid, if you ask me."

"And who asked you?" retorted Bartles, "If you was to read a bit it might broaden your bloomin' horizons. Right now they're about as narrow as the road to bloody salvation."

"Yeah, roight. And wot would you know about that?" responded Culp, spitting into the fire. "The only road you ever travelled on was the road to flamin' perdition."

Bartles sneered. "Roight beside you, mate. Roight beside you..."

Detective Morgan ignored them. This was much the way they carried on every night, and it was of no importance. Just the usual bonehead macho routine, but it did get annoying. He comforted himself with the thought that he could shoot them both after the job was done, depending on how good a mood he was in at the time. It would definitely be doing Australia a good turn if he did.

"We're almost to Yaraka," he said, studying the map. "It looks like a small place."

"Damn roight, it's small," said Bartles. "Loik a bleedin' flyspeck."

"Well, we'll stock up on water there," said Morgan. "I got a feeling we're getting close to the chimp. From now on, no lights on after dark."

Bartles shrugged. "Fine with me, boss. It ain't roight, a chimp drivin' around loik a man in Australia. Not natural. We'll run the bastard down. Depend on it."

"Yes, but first we just follow him," said Morgan, lighting his pipe. "So the point is...don't let the chimp know we're around...until we're ready."

"And when we are," said Culp, "Margaret does the job." He patted the rifle affectionately. It was named after Maggie Thatcher, and had been responsible for the deaths of hundreds of lifeforms, but never yet a chimp. Culp meant to change that.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 28 Apr 05 - 10:22 AM

You know Hilda, (said Magenta) go west is all very well, but Sydney is on the east coast.

Yeh, Hilda thought, lets change the CD - AND the direction. She slowed down, did a uee, and there they were, heading east, lstening to a CD of the Minglewood Mudcats - starring the brilliant Lol Osbourne performing his orginal hit, "friendly fire".
"friendly fire" - they sang along, as they flashed through the ochre sunset, into the star covered night.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 28 Apr 05 - 10:28 AM

Vlad, meanwhile, was feeling a little tetchy. He was hanging out in Erskineville, checking out the scene, and waiting, waiting for Magenta to come home to his wide, welcoming







wings. He wandered up to newtown occasionally - liked to check out the Goths walking their ferrets on a lead, (ferrets could be handy at a party) and to pick up a new rubber codpiece, or a little mince, or something. Little did he know that Micca was close by, with Rhymin Simon, and that they were plotting, plotting his very doom.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Leadfingers
Date: 28 Apr 05 - 12:35 PM

I was wondering what was happening with magenta and Chongo and Vlad

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:51 AM

They'd been driving for two days and Magenta's bum was hurting. being stuck in this car was better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick, but, Magenta was getting restless. Hilda and she had had two days of jabbering on - they had talked about every possible moment in time each had ever experienced. The sun was blindingly hot overhead, the wind and red dust had turned their hair a glorious shade of auburn. Ahead on the horizon, they could see a shimmering light brown mass of dust - a township ahead!


as they hurtled closer, they came to a wonky, peeling old road sign on the side of the road. It pointed straight ahead and said:

WOOP WOOP.

Hilda grinned. time to get the toes dancing, the blood boiling. Thjey were hitting the pub, checking out the scene.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:27 AM

screeeech. They pulled up outside an old stone pub with a verandah out the front. As they got out of the car, Magenta and Hilda looked at each other. They were both covered in red ochre, from top to toe, coloured by the wind, the sunset, and that loong road.

Under the verandah sat several men, each with an instrument. Harmonica, banjo, ukelele, spoons. One old bloke was singing "Four little Johnny Cakes" in a rhythmic, earthy voice. A sign on the front of the pub said, "Bushwacker Hotel".

The girls strode confidently into the bar, two beautiful women, both tall, with long auburn hair (from the desert dust - a shower will return it to its original raven sheen), one curvaceous and venusian, the other slim, muscular, with long, long legs.

Hilda strode forward and spoke to the barman, a world weary man with a sun ravaged red face and a grey ponytail.

"Gdday. Dya have a room for two? With a bath?"

A smile crossed his battered face. He grabbed the keys to No.13 and tossed them at the girls. "That'll be $15 a night, best room in the house".

They raced out the back to an old converted barn - comfortable beds, linen sheets, a painting of flannel flowers on the wall. Magenta sat on the old cane rocking chair on the verandah, while Hilda plunged into a huge old bath.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:06 AM

Magenta sat quietly, sipping her cup of tea. Her feet were soaking in a bucket of warm water, tea tree oil and lavender oil.She looked across at the wise, shimmering horizon, like a huge blue bowl - with orange streaks flaming around the rim.

She looked forward to a good soak in the bath, but right now, she was enjoying the peace. She tried to remember what had happened with those old women, the smoke, the tree. Hilda had explained it was a dream, that her experiences were her own, and did not reflect the culture of those women in any way.

But Magenta felt different. She felt as if she had been acting like a puppet, empty, like a piece of cardboard, and now things were different. She felt that a great load had been lifted from her back.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 05 - 09:37 AM

Jimmy was staring into the fire with that faraway look he got sometimes.

"Woop Woop," he said.

"Whaddya mean, 'woop woop'?" said Chongo. "I know what 'woop woop' means when a chimp says it, but in your case I ain't sure..."

"Your Magenta, she is in Woop Woop," replied Jimmy.

Chongo frowned. Must be some weird Aussie expression. "Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know," said Jimmy. "But I think it's good. She is soaking her feet and enjoying herself."

"No kiddin'? So what do we do now? Do you know where she is?"

"I told you. Woop Woop."

"Woop Woop is a place?"

"Yes, a very small place. It's 3 hours north from here."

"Well, why didn't ya say so? Let's get movin'!" Chongo started gathering up their gear.

In two minutes flat they were heading north at a good clip, leaving a big dust cloud behind them.

It didn't take Chongo too long to notice that there was a similar dust cloud following them, a few miles back. Interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 05 - 10:03 AM

Simon was squinting into the horizon. He and Micca had left Sydney two days ago, driving west in Simons muscular old jeep. Micca had looked into his crystal balls, (the original ones were worn out, some years ago, and they had formed two misty words ... Woop Woop.

Simon had been playing a number of old tapes, recordings of many a drunken session from the 60s. This had been a long trip and he was buggered. Micca had been explaining the ins and uts of Nostrilsarmpits, the medieval visionary. But the only vision that Simon could see was that puff of dust ahead of them on the road.

And a strange large bird in the sky, black, flapping its huge, batlike wings..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 05 - 07:58 PM

Detective Morgan, Bartles, and Culp had been barreling along for 3 hours beneath a torrid sun, through arid yet magnificent terrain, dotted with ancient rocks and little groups of tenacious trees of exotic sorts. It was a tour guide's paradise, but the three were immune to its charms. Culp was getting restless. He had seen nothing to shoot at all morning. Then he saw the bird...huge, black, of a type unknown.

"Wot the hell is that?" he said, nudging Bartles, who was driving.

Bartles' eyes opened a little wider than usual. "Bloody hell!" he remarked. "Damned if I know. What an ugly bastard."

"A dead bastard," growled Culp. "Stop the jeep."

Bartles hit the brakes and they did a little skid, raising a big cloud of dust.

"What the hell---" Morgan looked up from his map of the Outback, as Culp stepped quickly out of the jeep, raised "Margaret" to his shoulder, sighted, and squeezed off six shots in rapid succession. The bird, which was flying quite high, was clearly struck by at least three bullets, as it veered suddenly in flight, but it recovered instantly, and did a swift turn, giving them the once over.

"Bloody---!" muttered Culp. He fired again, and again. He could sense the bird, if bird it was, looking straight down into his eyes from what seemed an impossibly remote and cold distance. It was like looking down a telescope into a black hole at the other end of the galaxy with a couple of burning red eyes at the center of it, and he had the peculiar sensation that he was falling, falling inevitably into that hole. His fingers froze on the trigger and stock, and the knuckles whitened. He barely noticed Morgan pulling the barrel down and glaring at him.

The bird made a pass over them at a fairly low altitude. It was quite large, black as pitch, wings like a huge bat crossed with a raven.

Bartles stood openmouthed and said something unintelligible. Morgan let go of Culp's rifle, reached for his shoulder holster, thought better of it.

The bird swooped past, showing not a mark or a sign of injury. It circled them three times. Morgan could feel his pulse beating in his temples.

Something like a low chuckle rippled remotely through the heat waves, and the bird turned away, back onto its original heading, giving them not a backward glance.

"Jesus Christ," said Culp.

"I didn't think you were a believer," said Morgan sarcastically. "Now put that damned rifle away. I told you. No recreational shooting on the job, and NO stopping unless I say! Bartles, get back behind the wheel and DRIVE. And keep your mouth shut."

Bartles put the jeep in gear like a man in a trance, and Culp sat beside him mute.

Morgan watched the bird going north. The same way they were going. He remembered scoffing at Chongo back in Chicago. No such thing as vampires. Never was, never would be. Anybody believe in that, he's a sap. Well, there's a first time for everything. That Fresnelli guy, the blood was drained out of him. And then the body just disappeared. You had to wonder about a thing like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:23 AM

"Hey space-case - snap to it!" Magenta looked up to see Hilda, polished and squeaky clean, with her wild black hair shining and flying about like a night sky full of stars. Hilda was wearing a 50s linen dress, chains of beads, earrings, and some ceiling high stilettos. "Jump in the bath and make yourself decent - we're up for a night on the town!"

As she lay beneath the foaming lavender bubbles, Magenta smiled to herself. memories started flooding back, of banjos, of Simon and his crazy stories, and of a man called Micca, with his beetle eyebrows and wicked grin. It was as if she was remembering, another time, another place. Oak trees, a crowded house, a circle of women, and.. a black lion?? She gazed into the pattern of the soap suds and was amazed to see the sign of a pentagon forming in the bubbles.

What sort of a place is this she thought? and if I'm finding my old self again, who the hell am I?

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:54 AM

aussiebloke and his mate were performing in their band "Murphy & friends". He's been socking out a few old favourites, "Ryebuck Shearer", "Albion Shore" and the Red-backwaltz. When in walks these two sheilas - one long & skinny & chin up in the air, the other one round and smooth and soft. He moved into his old standard, "The Berrima Bride", always a good one with the ladies. They stride in, the air in the pub electric as these old guys see women for the first time in years. Chinup goes to the counter and orders a glass of champagne, thanks, and one for my friend, and aussie bloke is thumping on his lagerphone, bellowing the Berrima Bride into the chattering crowd...

"..and if I don't win the woman before i go,
my whips and spurs in the river I'll throw
and I'll never make a damper or tan another hide
til I've over me leg with the berrima Bride.."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Natasha Smasher
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:06 AM

"I've heard that song before,"said a voice by her side, and Magenta looked up to see three women walking in, Jennyo, in a peach coloured crushed velvet shawl, Sandra in Sydney wearing a fine new hat, and Freda, carrying an embroidered bag and her sketchbook and pencils.

"He's singing Ryebuck Shearer, but he's changed the words". Jennyo ordered a guinness, and wandered across to check out this long and lanky lagerphone lout.

"Where's JennyG," said Pam? "She's at her skiing lessons - she & himself are off to Alaska to find a few penguin eggs." Sandra ordered a soda water, and joined Jennyo to have a chat with aussiebloke. Someone turned the jukebox on... It was the Atlantics.. their guitars screaming their way through Bombora!


Magenta listened as the music throbbed and crowds of men swarmed about her.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:24 AM

Just then a tired old man limped in struggling under the weight of an instrument case, we hobbled up to the bar and said, "Hiv ye got ony McEwan's or mebbes a drappie o' Deuchars Ale, insteed o' thon never endin' bloody ower cauld lagers?" "Strewth mate" said the barman "I didn't understand a word of that" "Bluidy Greek barmen" said the man.
"Well as sure as ah'm the heid o' the Clan McGoolie ah've nivver seen a country like this fur cauld beer."
Just then he spotted two women entering the bar, one with white hair and one with black, it reminded him of a whisky he didn't like, Black and White. The one with the black hair was wearing stilleto heels with jeans, he had never liked this style before but that woman certainly changed his mind.
Och weel he thought time tae get ma instrument oot. Bending down with great difficulty he opened his green Calton case and took out his Martin D28, and started to sing, My Lady's a Wild Flying dove while keeping an eye on the two lovely ladies.............................

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:50 AM

"Lissen to ím", said Bluey. "'E's a foreigner, widda speech impediment - what's he speaking in? Hazaragi or Tasmanian or something? I wonder what 'e's got in ís guitarcase and is e goina blow us all up?" "Relax" said Jennyo, "He's a Scot, another guinness thanks George."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 09:54 AM

..and The dark eyed visitor, without a twitch, rolled into a new song..

a noble whale ship and commander
called the Catalpa, they say
she sailed into Western Australia
and took six poor Fenians away

so come all you screw warders and jailers
remember Perth regatta day
take care of the rest of your Fenians
or the Yankees will steal them away

you kept them in Western Australia
till their hair it began to turn grey
when a Yank from the States of America
came out here and stole them away

now all the Perth boats were a-racing
and making short tacks fot the spot
but the Yankee she tacked into Fremantle
and took the best prize of the lot

so come all you screw warders and jailers
remember Perth regatta day
take care of the rest of your Fenians
or the Yankees will steal them away

the Georgette armed with bold warriors
went out the poor Yanks to arrest
but she hoisted her star-spangled banner
saying you'll not board me i guess

so remember those six Fenians colonial
and sing o'er these few verses with skill
and remember the Yankee that stole them
and the home that they left on the hill

so come all you screw warders and jailers
remember Perth regatta day
take care of the rest of your Fenians
or the Yankees will steal them away..

Magenta's foot was thumping and she found herself singing along. All this music seemed familiar, a strange sense of deja vu was creeping through her, as she looked about the room she felt overwhelmed by the brightness of colours, the shapes, sounds and smells in the room, and as she sang along, the pub door opened and who should enter the room but

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 11:03 AM

a short, stocky man with an anglo concertino. She watched as he made his way to a seat by the window, and quietly took out his concertina. Slowly, methodically, as he warmed up, the talking slowed, crowds gathered, and soon he was warming up the crowd with "the Springtime it Brings on the Shearing".

Meanwhile Hilda Fish was deep in conversation with the Scot - they were debating the indigenous origins of tartan, and its significance in the development of the Napoleonic Empire, among other things.

Magenta was stunned when the man with the concertina stopped playing, and instead of speaking, emitted a number of whistles and twitters. As he warbled and chirruped, a number of birds came and sat around the window sill, chirping, singing and whistling along. He picked up his concertina and played along with them, weaving a song of crimson rosellas, fairy wrens, figbirds and galahs..

Ah, said Jennyo, Jacko's an expert in understanding the bird calls of the bush. And it seems, they're into bush music too..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 01:34 PM

20 miles from Woop Woop the jeep gave a rumble and a gasp, and died. Jimmy and Chongo spent a fruitless half hour trying to get it started again.

"It's no use," said Jimmy finally. "She dead. We have to get parts in Woop Woop if they got them. And maybe they don't."

"So we walk?" Chongo grumbled. He didn't particularly like the idea of walking 20 miles through the Outback. Fortunately, though, night was coming on, so it would be cooler. Sunstroke could kill you deader than Fat Freddy in this country.

They went through the gear quickly, deciding what to take and what to discard. An idea was percolating in Chongo's little ape brain...what about that other jeep that was following them? Hmmm.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 02:04 PM

It had been a few hours since the strange apparition of the giant black bird had shocked Bartles and Culp into a stony silence, and they were beginning to somewhat regain their usual aplomb when what should appear in the gloom ahead but an abandoned jeep, sitting forlornly on the sand.

"Shut her down!" snapped Morgue. He peered about in all directions in the silence that followed. No sign of the jeep's former occupants anywhere.

"Bartles, check out the jeep. Culp, you and I will take a look around the perimeter."

Bartles grunted and began ransaking the meager contents of the dead jeep. A suitcase of clothing and personal items. An issue of Primate Magazine...

Meanwhile Morgue and Culp had found some tracks, leading due north.

"Two men," said Culp. "No...a man and..."

"A chimp!" snarled Morgan. "I knew it. Their jeep has broken down and they're heading for Woop Woop on foot." He licked his lips. "This is good. We'll run them down and offer them a ride...for a price."

Culp grinned. "When do I get to shoot the fecking chimp?"

"When I say so...and not one moment sooner..." Morgan's words were interrupted by the throaty sound of a jeep revving up!

"What the hell?" Morgan and Culp spun around and were confronted by a blinding flash of automatic fire from the darkness, the heavy beat of a Thompson submachine gun, the famous Chicago Piano. They hit the dirt as the 50 cal slugs whistled over them.

By the time they came up for air, and too late to even squeeze off a shot in return, the jeep, their jeep, had vanished into the darkness.

Morgan swore viciously. They rushed back to the derelict jeep, there to find Bartles lying unconscious with a bump on his head.

Chongo and Jimmy were cruising merrily northward. "We be in Woop Woop by dawn," said Jimmy, grinning ear to ear.

"Good stuff," said Chongo. "Too bad I hadda leave the magazine behind, though. Oh well, Detective Morgan needs a little light readin' material and this'll be a change of pace for him, maybe take that sour look off his ugly face. Now, what the hell would he be doin' in Australia? I sure gotta wonder about that..."

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 02:12 PM

Freda had been sitting in the corner, sketching while Jacko was tintinabulating with the birds. Amidst a cacophany of trilling, he stood up, climbed on the table, turned to the crowd and said - here's one last bird call before i leave. He opened his mouth, emitted a huge screech - and disappeared.

Freda looked up to see a huge white owl fly out the window, followed by a sea of flapping crimson rosellas, fairy wrens, figbirds and galahs..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,amalia clawall
Date: 25 Feb 06 - 11:54 PM

magenta was stunned. Did this really happen? has that man transmogrified himself into an owl, and fluttered out the window?

She gazed out the window, through the trees and the large, pink moon hanging low in the sky. And her thoughts went back to England, to her circle, to the Old Ways. Memories came flowing back like liquid embroidery - the dance, the ritual, and the warm beer. Magenta realised that she hadn't felt like this since that night at the Black Lion, that night when the sinister, sinewy Vlad spoke so softly in her head. It was as if part of him had stayed inside her, and her dream about the old women had somehow smoked his essence out of her. But she still didn't feel quite right, it was as if he was near, somehow trying to re-penetrate her psyche.

Freda wandered across, and brought a silver flask out of her tapestry bag. It had a pattern of leaves and berries on it, and the head was a carved silver stopper, in the shape of a waratah.

"What's up, Magenta", said Freda. "Would you like a toddy?"
and she poured a hot, spicy mixture into a small silver cup.

Magenta sipped, it was strong, spicy and soothing – and she could feel the comforting warmth of Ginger, Fennel, Hops, Cloves and Feverfew trickle around her mouth and tongue, warming her throat and soothing her being.

The taste took her back again, to medieval moments, with Micca, Morty, Pixie and Phot. Where were they all? She should be there, where she belonged. Something inside told her that Phot was undergoing a great task – she held up her cup, and held a little thought of him, wishing him, Pixie and them all the strength and courage to get by.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,bleeding gums boris
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 12:13 AM

Sandra, Hilda and Giok joined them, and they sat sharing the hot toddy, talking quietly. Jennyo and the musos were engaged in deep conversation with a robust looking bloke called Jack Halyard, (who looked a bit like Karl Marx), and soon they were singing a beautiful old song, "The Plains of Emu", an old convict lament.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,natasha smasher
Date: 26 Feb 06 - 12:47 AM

Jennyo's high voice sailed across the plaintive lyrics, while jack Halyard boomed under her like pulsating thunder..

But your names shall still live though like writing in water
When confined to the notes of the tame cockatoo
Each wattle-scrub echo repeats to the other
Your names and each breeze hears me sighing anew
For dumb be my tongue may my heart cease her motion
If the Isle I forget where my first breath I drew
Each affection is warmed with sincerest devotion
For the tie is unbroken on the Plains of Emu...

Hust here, in this little pub in Woop Woop, Magenta felt a sudden pang of deep loneliness, of longing for a land so very far away. She sat and listened to the ebbing song, and did not notice the large black shadow that fell across her feet.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 07:49 AM

Jennyo's eyes bulged like boiled eggs, and her voice wavered as she looked up to see non other than that pretentious Transylvannian poseur, that vapid, vindictive prediluvian drama queen, Vlad the Inhaler, poised behind Magenta and opening his mouthe to reveal long, white, piercing fangs!

Just as Jennyo emitted a piercing sream, Jack Halyard bellowed at Vlad and the blast of air was so great, it threw Vlad back against the wall, and flattened the wind out of him. Jack H strode purposefully across the room and sat on the comotose Vlad, pulling out his guitar and let rip with "Yes, we have no Osama!!!" as the whole pub joined in in one voice.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Jack halyard
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 08:22 AM

With a rousing, rending, rattling rendition of John Kanakanaka Tulai-eh, twenty four-year-old pre-schoolers hurled themselves on the supine form of Vlad the inhaler and inserted the outlet of a hand-driven, brake-winch bilge pump into an accessible orifice, thus amplifying the inhaler's inhalations. The space reverberated to the high-register, rock-splitting cadences of little children at their most vindictive, bouncing vigorously on the handles of the pump as bodily fluids dribbled and squirted from a number of Vlad's oulets.

Just as Jack Halyard cried "Belay All", Vlad the Inhaler popped off the end of the Bilge-pump and flew madly round the room like a deflating balloon or a garden hose in overdrive.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 08:46 AM

..and smashed through the window, flying into the side of a huge gum tree, and crashing soundly to the bottom.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 08:50 AM

Magenta, Jennyo, Jack Halyard, Sandra in Sydney, JennyG and the twenty, four-year old preschoolers all ran to the window, and looked out, elbows jabbing and hips wriggling to get a good look. There, under the tree, was an enormous black bird, ehfolded in its vast, rubber-like webbed wings. And on the ends of its skinny legs, were huge, ugle claws, peeking out of a pair of fluffy lavender bed socks.

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:02 AM

As Vlad lay, bat-tered and bruised, his mind seemed to rise out of his body, and perch up in the tree. He could hear a dream-like voice intoning..

"I am Count Vladimir the Inhaler, also known as Mudvig of Catnipia, the Third. I was born in a castle in Lower Catnipia, Transylvania, on Friday the 13th of December, 1763. My mother, Draconia the Seventh, is a wild and powerful woman, as famous in Catnipia for her dragon riding as for her collection of pet bats...

And through the window, a million tiny voices screamed into the night:

You Gothic scream queen Vladimir
You undead Transylvanian scumbag,
Die, damn you, die a thousand dingo deaths and dribble into the toxic sewer of your own venal gizzards..

Magenta watched the claggy rubber corpse is it twitched, and a part of her shicvered, as she remebered that night with the rubber codpiece, fluffy lavender bedsocks, and the massive, curved, Japanese samurai sword..

and from the bottom of the gum tree, a deep and wild voice sang into the night..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 Mar 06 - 09:11 AM

as if gathering the forces of a thousand black night breezes, the myriad consciousness that was Vlad whirled from the stars into that space inside his skull - he was back. and his nostrils quivered - he could smell the Risen Goddess, the Mary Ellen Carter, that women of the lily white loins and the spirit like the Goddess Kali.

and a huge moan came out of him, as he lay under the tree, singing..

I dreamed a dream the other night
Lowlands, lowlands, away my John
I saw my love dressed all in white
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

She came to me at my bedside
Lowlands, lowlands, away my John
Dressed all in white like some tasty bride.
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

And nestled in her bosom there
Lowlands, lowlands, away my John
A red, red rose my love did wear.
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

that rose was wet, and warm and sweet
Lowlands, lowlands away my meat
her long black braids
hung o'er my feet
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

She made no sign, no word she said
And then I knew my love was dead.
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

She waved her hand, she turned her hips
Lowlands, lowlands away my meat
I wiped saliva from out my lips...
Lowlands, my lowlands, awaaay..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 12:29 AM

Freda looked at the dying corpse of the bird. She had no what it was doing in the compost heap out the back of the Woop Woop Hotel, but she knew one thing for sure. This dead bird was foul. it stank, and needed to be buried somewhere very very deep.

She popped her head inside the pub and called out "Micca"!!

Micca came out, shovel in hand. Together they dug a very, very deep hole, a hole so deep that no echo called back when Freda shouted "cooee" down its murky depths.

Micca and Freda used the shovel to send that rotting old creature down to its just reward - rubber codpiece, fluffy lavender bedsocks, neuroses and all.

Then they went inside, sat down, had a drink and listened to a bunch of aussie folkies singing ...

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: freda underhill
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 12:41 AM

Oh hard is the fortune of all womankind
They're always controlled, they're always confined
Controlled by their parents until they're a bride
Then slaves to a vampire the rest of their life..

Oh I am a poor girl, my fortune is sad
I have always been courted by a Vampire called Vlad
He courted me daily by night and by day
And now he's decomposing and going away

My friends never liked him because he's so strange
They say he's a vampire & slightly deranged
I choose who I sing with, my life is my own
And if they don't like him they can leave him alone

Your bats are all hungry, go feed them some blood
Come sit down beside me and digest in the mud
Your chariot needs greasing, your whip's for to mend
Come fly down here by me let's go round the bend

Your sneering's so sleazy, your breath's pretty rank
I'm sorry, its better to be up front & frank,
Your teeth are too pointy, you look like a toff
So fare thee well, darling, it's time to rack off..

Subject: RE: BS: Magenta Bites Back - a vampire tail
From: GUEST,Vladimir the Inhaler
Date: 08 Jan 07 - 12:42 AM

100!