BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 02:39 PM

And one...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 02:45 PM

and a one - uh
and a two - uh

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 04:14 PM

So, we had a visit from grumpy al. Was this his/her first visit? Will they ever post here again? What's the low down on grumpy al? Anyone know grumpy al from other threads? Welcome to the thread grumpy al.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 04:18 PM

Indeed so, welcome grumpy al, don't be a stranger. Don't let Shane(tta(s)) scare ya, they are really a lot of fun.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 23 Apr 07 - 04:59 PM

Flip! I take a ride with flippin' truck so I can get flippin' home and you knwo wat? I'm not home! I'm in flippin' BATHURST INLET and there ain't NOTHIN here! They even use buckets as...well, I thought flippin' Sudbury was skanky but this is TOO FLIPPIN' MUCH, MAN!! And the trucker left me hear and I'm doin' this in the public liberry and might never ever get home! No beer, no flippin' NOthing!

iF I get back to Blind River I ain't nver leavin' again. Not even for one of them Sudbury skanks. Rite after I fix that flippin' inposter!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 11:15 AM

See how much fun The McBride clan is, grumpy al? It's a laugh a minute around these parts. I gotta find out where this Bathurst Inlet is, I'm planning my vacation and don't want to miss out on any enriching experiences. Sounds like it could be the next big thing and I want to beat the rush.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 12:58 PM

I'll save you some time. Here's the word on BI from the gen-u-wine Canadian gummint!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 01:00 PM

I just noticed that the traditional name for BI is "The Nose." That "Shane" sure can pick 'em, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 01:11 PM

I hope the flippin' looser impostder gets his mungoberries froze off up there in Eskymo land and then gets ate by a polar bear! Better yet, mayebe them Eskymos will be short of food and they will, like, put the flipface in the old stew pot, eh? That would be a good flippin' use of his sorry ass! What a bolthole. They should flippin' save him from a werse fate which is what will happen if th idiot ever shows up HERE and I get aholt of him.

- Shane (the real one) (at home in Blind River)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 01:25 PM

I am starting the believe that "Shane" is, indeed, only one person but is suffering from a multiple personality disorder. Or to put it another way, there's only one of him but he's nuts.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 05:23 PM

Oh so I am tha one who is "nuts", eh? FLIP YOU!!! It is flipheads like you, Rapaire...that are the cawse of most of the flippin' probalems in the world! You are a majer flippin' problem, man, and you are a problem that needs dealin' with. I would deal with it myself if Idaho was not so flippin' far away, eh? But I can't be botehred to go there. You are a bolthole's bolthole, man. You are sick and useless. You are the crap outta the hind end of Idaho. Nothin' that ever was done to you would flippin be bad enuff to be what you really deeserve!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 05:31 PM

I will keep my word, should you wish to ride out here and try a career in mutton busting, I will take you up the Hovel, let you fill up on beer, see the Girls' show, and everything I promised earlier. I will even introduce you to the Top Hand Mutton Busters, 'cause making BIG money as a Buster sure beats making tiny money as a Wrangler. You attract better lookin' women, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 05:35 PM

HA HA HA! You are tryin' to tell ME somethin' about women???????? That is like the Pope tryin' to tell me somethin' about rollin' joints or jumpin' the wires in some diphead's pickup truck...

Don't make me flippin' laff, man. What I know about women you will not know in the next fifty-flippin'-thousand years!   And what I DON'T know about women ain't worth knowin'. Trust me.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 05:41 PM

Hey, I'm just sayin' that better lookin' women are attracted to Mutton Busters than to Mutton Wranglers! I ain't either one.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 05:46 PM

What's the latest on grumpy al?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 06:55 PM

IDAHO ?!

Not even Don Imus is allowed to say Ida ho

Its time fur a State name change you sick sexist suns of a benches.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 06:59 PM

a ho is a ho even if the Nesperse injuns didn't know.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,carl
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 08:25 PM

rhetoric, essentially the art of speaking in public. However, since a speech is only convincing when the speaker looks and seems reliable, there is a lot more to rhetoric than only speaking: it is a complete program of good manners and general knowledge.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,carl
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 08:35 PM

there is no book so good that one can not get out of reading it all.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 08:48 PM

You are so flipping right, Carl. Presenta-flippin-bility is three quarders of the flippin' battle, eh? That is why when I want to impress a girl fr'instance...I take a lotta care with my "look", eh? I make sure to wear cool clothes, like my T-shirt that has a red arrow on it pointin' down and it says under the arrow:

FREE SEX (Men need not apply)

And I usually shave maybe twice a week too. If it needs done.

And I wear my jacket. That jacket has been around some, lemme tell ya.

And the hat. The hat has got to go on just right. You don't wanna wear yer hat like some kind of geek, know'm sayin'? I usually wear mine straight backwards, cos that is the coolest way to do it. You can tilt it a bit to one side fer the "dangerous" look too. Some chicks totally dig that.

Then you give' 'em a wink and a grin. Works for me. I don't hardly have to say anything.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,carl
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 08:53 PM

The Brian that I proudly knew

Brian would rise half-way through the night;. In winter it would often be at midnight or an hour later, two at the latest. Before daybreak he would get ready for his work.

Admittedly, he fell asleep very easily during the day, and would often doze and wake up at his work. After he had something to eat (his meals during the day were light and simple in the old-fashioned way),. I

On returning home, he devoted his spare time to his main hobby, classifying rare beetles..

In summer, when he was not too busy, he would often lie in the sun, and read a book aloud. He made extracts of most everything he thought, fearing oblivion.

After hie rested in the sun he generally took a cold bath, ate something and had a short sleep. Then he was ready to start a new day.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 09:08 PM

Umm...Carl?   

What are you on?


Know where I can get some?



- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 10:56 PM

"Shane," I think that deep down you are probably just a big old cuddly teddy bear. I think that you're just yearning for love and affection and if the right woman came along, why, you'd be wearing a business suit and a tie in no time at all. You'd probably even give up beer and smoke.

I can picture it: "Shane" out in the back yard, playing catch with his 2.4 children, his wife looking on as "Shane" also keeps one eye on the grill where the hamburgers are cooking. In the driveway is a beige minivan and a Honda Accord, neither of them new but not old, either -- just good, suburban vehicles for a good, suburban family.

In the morning "Shane" leaves for his job as an accoutant with an insurance company, listening to soft rock music from the '70s (perhaps "Muskrat Love") as he drives to the high-rise building in which his cubicle resides.

All because of the love of a good woman....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 07 - 11:14 PM

Flip me. No kiddin', eh?

Look, man, if it was the right woman...

A minivan and a Honda flippin' Accord? I could sorta see that.

Anything is possible, eh? I would give up the flippin' wild life and bein' the ragin' stud of the Northland if I could have the love of the right woman.

We are talkin' either Officer Dana...or Shania Twain.

Whaddya figure my chances?

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 09:13 AM

Go for Officer Dana. You're way too good for Shania Twain, man.

Hey, think of you and Officer Dana both in the police force together! Posted to some small place out in the woods, just you and her together all winter in a small cabin, and when a trapper with cabin fever goes nuts and holds her with a knife to her throat, you, Officer Shane McBride, rescue her by knocking the trapper out with one blow right to the jaw! POW! and he's down. The Force gives you a medal and a promotion and she thanks you -- again -- for saving her life. Blind River gives you a big parade for saving her and all the kids in the school he busted into and everyone is saying, "Wow! What a man HE turned out to be!" and Big Brother Don is bustin' the buttons off his shirt and sayin' "Yeah, he used to drink MY beer!"

Go for Officer Dana.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 10:27 AM

When you and Officer Dana get posted to that remote cabin in the woods... don't forget to bring the keys to the handcuffs.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 10:45 AM

Community:
Bathurst Inlet (Nunavut), Traditional Name: Kinggauk/Qingaq/Umingmaktok, Translation: The nose

Infrastructure:
Power: Personal generators

Water: melted ice, pumped from river in summer

Sanitation: honey buckets, garbage disposal site

Economy:
Major Activity: Hunting, trapping, tourism, mineral exploration



This place sounds great. I love the honey buckets for sanitation, talk about living large. I see that tourism is already listed as a major economic activity so maybe I am too late. I want to go somewhere unspoiled.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 10:55 AM

Geez, Rapaire, you done it now. The boy is speechless. He's been sittin' on the back porch for hours just starin' at nothin' and...well, I guess he is thinkin'. Thinkin' hard. I never seen this before.

He don't even want no beer. He must be sick. Maybe dyin'.

I never seen this before.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 11:41 AM

GUEST, carl, could you compose a piece based on Shane's current (suspected) state of mind? I am interested in your take on his plight.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 12:08 PM

If it smells like burnin' rubber, yeah, he's probably thinkin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 05:42 PM

Okay. I have flippin' come to a life-changin' deesishun here. I am gonna leave the past behind. I am gonna change my flippin' disresponsbile ways and find a way to win the heart of, like, the woman of my dreams: Officer Dana.

I will leave tomorrow right after I put out the stuff that I ain't takin' which my friends can have. My stash of porno mags. My stash of bnongs, 'cept for the good one. My old boots and other stuff like that. My hockey stick. The bikes. The snowmobile that don't work. The articial set of bazongas that I have hangin' on the bedroom wall. My friends can have all that good stuff.

I will be on the road. I will not be able to tell youse much becoz I will be flippin' offline, eh? But I will try to chech in at a liberry on the way.

I here she is in Huntsville, so that is where I am goin'. I will find her and I will throe myself at her mercy. I am goin' for broke this time.

As fer the flipface up norht who thinks he is me...I don't care. Flippin' COME to Blind River, you bolthole, and tell yer story to Don, my big brother. See how far it gets ya! Don don't like boltholes that come arownd tellin' lies and pretendin' to be fambly. He will bust yer face.

Anyways, I don't care. Live or die, idiot-boy. I am off to the woman of my dreams and nothin' will stand in my way.

- Shane McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 05:47 PM

Weddin' bells are breakin' up that old gang of mine....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Apr 07 - 09:40 PM

Remember what Robert Browning said, "Shane":

He either fears his fate too much
Or his desserts are small
Who does not put it to the touch
To gain or lose it all.

Hey "Shane"
Don't be afraid
You were made to
Go out and get her....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 12:58 PM

It's not the way you smile that touched my heart
It's not the way you kissed that tears me apart

Many, many, many nights go by
I sit alone at home and cry over you
What can I do?
Don't want nobody, nobody
Cause, Dana, it's you
Dana, it's you

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 01:24 PM

Well flip! The boy left this mornin' at 8 AM. Very flippin' unusual for him to be up then, eh? I was just about to go to work at the service station and he wanted to say goodbye. He is thumbin' down to Huntsville. I figger it won't take him too long to get there but I am sorta worried what happens when he does, eh? I mean, what if she flippin' tells him to hit the flippin road? I don't wanta think about what might happen then. This could be real bad.

Then too what if she decdides to be nice and marry him or somethin'? That could also be real bad. Why? Because the woman is a cold-hearted and stuck-up tightass, that's why. I know this. She turned me down twice, eh? The second time she put an armlock on me and damn near busted my arm. That would not of happen3ed if she was normal. It never happens. There is somethign seeriously wrong with that Office Dana. Maybe she is a lesbain or somethin'. Some of them female cops are lesbains. It is well known. She is real good lookin' but that don't mean nothin' cos some of them are, eh? Majer waste of there pteontenshal, eh?

I am real worried about what could happen to the little brother this time. He is between a rock and a flippin' hard woman!

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 02:21 PM

Good luck Shane.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,the unseen presence...
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 03:00 PM

Somewhere east of Blind River a lone and unkempt figure makes his lonely way down the side of the highway. Scorned by passing motorists who ignore his raised thumb or else return the gesture with an upraised middle finger, he trudges wearily on. The sky is darkening with gathering rain clouds, and a bitter wind creeps in around the collar of his lumberjack jacket.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 03:59 PM

I see a movie about this.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 04:21 PM

I wonder if he'll make it as far as McKerrow.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 07 - 09:11 PM

I wonder if he'll make it past Tim Horton's.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 01:19 AM

You can hardly go anywhere in Ontario without going past a Tim Horton's.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,the unseen presence...
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 01:37 AM

Having failed to make it to the next town, Shane camps out in an old barn shortly after sunset. He is cold, hungry, miserable...and worst of all, he is sober! A hellish experience.

His companions are a number of mice and a very wary barn cat who is hunting the mice. Shane burrows his way into a pile of hay and finally manages to fall asleep. He is awoken some time later by the doleful howling of two cats...two cats who appear to be having a disagreement about something. The howling gets louder and louder. Shane has straw dust in his nose and eyes. He wonders if he is hallucinating? If so, why could he not hallucinate a more entertaining scene, he wonders...like the stripper's dressing room at the Atherley Arms? The cats sound like they are just about ready to get serious and launch into round 1. They're working themselves up to a level of total ferocity and kamikaze-level destruction. The anticipation of when it may actually happen is like listening to nails scratching on a blackboard.

This could be what hell is like, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 08:32 AM

No, hell is waiting in line. You're always at the end of the line, and it's a long one, no matter how much it moves. And you can't step out of line to go to the bathroom.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,the unseen presence...
Date: 27 Apr 07 - 05:23 PM

Footsore and weary, Shane stumbles into the wretched little place called Massey that sits astride the TransCanada Highway, east of Blind River. Which is worse, Massey or Blind River? No one is really sure. Shane has had many misadventures in Massey over the years...minor scrapes with women, homeowners, and the law. He hopes that none of these will return to haunt him now. Dipping into his extremely meager supply of cash, he purchases a "soup deal" at Tim Horton's. Soup, a donut, and a coffee. He ponders his future glumly. So far the trip is not proceeding as well as he had hoped. It may take longer to reach Huntsville than he had bargained for. Rides seem to be few and far between.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 11:41 AM

So this flippin' trunk driver says I'll take you soth! and I'm like, "OK" figerin this is my chance to get back to Blind River and hmeo. So he drops me off in front of a flippin' Tim HOrtons in flippin' MAYO! I an't never herd of flippin' Mayo! And he drives away laffin'!. Well lemme tell ya thisx ain 't flippin' funny! I go into Tim's to get a coffee and donut and the neks think I know a flippin' MMOUNTIE is tellin' me I gotta get a job! A JOB!

So I'm up here livin' in a flippin' SHAK in back of some guys house and I got to chop wood BY FLIPOPIN' HAND just for a place to sleep and food! No beer! And the cop says that if I get out of line just once he'll put me in flippin JAIL! I am tpying this inn the pubic libery so if you can jplease tell Don so send me some flippin' moneyso I can get home! Tell him that the money he missing last Agust is behind the fake bazongas on my wall and to send it rite away or I'm going to be ate by mosskeeters here.

I ain't even gong to worry about the inposter untli I get back to Blind River.

- THE One and only Shane McBride

PS plese tell Don to send money fast.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 01:40 PM

This is me, eh? I am in the liberry in Massey. I see that the tfipplin' im;oposter is in some libeery in a place clalled Mayo. I hope he flippin' dies there too. I looked up Mayo on, like, Mapqwest, eh?   It is in the flippin' Yukon! Not only that...it is so far flippin' outta the way of anythin' else that you could flppin' drop an A-bom on the place and I seeriously dowt that anyone would flippin' notise or even care!

Flip me. Sounds like exacrtly the place where a flippin' imposter shoud be, eh?

I hope he gets ate by a flippin' kodeeak bear.

Anyways, the trip to Huntsville ain't goin' so well. I guess maybe I am not wearin' the right clothes becoz I don't seem to get to many rides bein' offered when I'm hichin' at teh side of the road. Maybe it is the FREE SEX T-shirt that they do not like?

I will hafta see if I can score some other clothes. There is a Sally Ann place arownd here with a drop box. Sounds like the place to go. I will hit the drop box when no one is lookin' and get a whole new outfit, eh? Flippin' decent.

Die, im;pstoer, die!

Yers,

Shane McBride (the real one.)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 07 - 04:54 PM

This is getting interesting.

1. Will "Shane" ever get out of Massey and continue down The Road To Love?
2. Will "Shane" ever get out of Mayo and continue down The Long Road Home?
3. Will Pearl Pureheart be rescued by Sgt. Preston from A Fate Worse Than Death, even though Yukon King is ill from tainted salmon?

Cast YOUR vote for 1, 2 or 3....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 11:37 AM

1. I think he will get out of Massey but will he make it as far as McKerrow?

2. Seems a fellow would notice that he was going through the mountains on the way to Mayo. Near as I can tell there aren't a whole lot of mountains between Boothia and Blind River. Driving into the sunset might have been a tipoff as well.

3. If he can get her untied and off the tracks before the 10:43 rolls into town. I can hear the whistle already.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:41 PM

"Shane" is a bit geographically challenged....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 02:50 PM

Now see, that is where this whole global community thing gets dicey. It was 10:37 in my neck of the woods when I said in my post that the 10:43 was coming. The time stamp on my post is for 11:37 which makes me either a liar or a fool (or the possesser of the best set of ears this side of the pecos). Will Sweet Polly Purebred be the worse for this digital divide?