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Heartbroken.............................
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Subject: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:38 AM I know I did a thread on my friend who was dying of cancer, she died today at 9am this morning and I am devastated - I cant believe it - I am so upset, and I know I should have been prepared - but I'm not, i cant explain how I feel, I wish I could have done more , I want her back I dont want to be feeling like this - I cant stop crying... what can I do, please Patrish |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: MMario Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:50 AM remember her, remember why you love her. go ahead and cry - it's not healthy to hold it in. then, hard as it is, you continue being the you that made the two of you friends. And in each action you take from now on, a part of her lives on through you. {{{{hugs}}}} |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: InOBU Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:50 AM Patrish: As we get older we loose more and closer freinds, and it does not get any easier. But, our friends who have died come to occupy a different place in our lives. You come to share your life with their memories. When something that my father would have loved, like the skithering over the election happens, I find I share this with my fathers memory - I find myself having little conversations with him in my mind. The initial pain is huge, but dealing with death is the only way to get through this rare and precious life. All your family of Mudcatters send you our best and assure you that as the pain dulls, the memories become richer. I know all join in wishing you all the best, Larry |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Kim C Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:52 AM Oh Patrish, I am so, so sorry. (((hugs))) |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:53 AM Patrish, I'm so sorry. Just keep remembering and crying until you can't cry anymore, for although it may not seem it, crying helps A LOT. Best wishes. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: DougR Date: 10 Nov 00 - 10:56 AM Sorry Patrish. We never are ready to see our friends or loved ones go. Don't know how you feel about this, but some feel they are now in a better place. That is my belief anyway. DougR |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:03 AM Last time I was with Jean she was OK, I spoke to herhusband last night and he was in a right state because she was wandering - talking about mending fridges and ordering food - which is what we used to do together. I just feel bereft - Iwant her back NOW - I cant understand how upset I feel. I fee so raw. Patrish |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: sledge Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:05 AM Patrish I am so very sorry for you, right now words might not have much weight but at least here on the mudcat they are sincere and well meant, Stuart |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:12 AM My dear, you cry and cry. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. If you can, write to her other survivors; I fervently hope they write to you. And don't let anyone tell you how you "ought" to feel - you feel what you feel and that is what you express. Expect to be inappropriate, especially at any memorial service you or her other survivors might have - you'll find yourself laughing at some silly memory and then feeling as if you shouldn't have - well, you should, some memories WILL make you laugh, there is nothing "unfaithful to the memory" about it, in fact, quite the opposite. And I know exactly what you mean about feeling Raw. That one won't skin over for a while, perhaps years... but it will, eventually, it will. We'll cry for you too, here. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Night Owl Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:23 AM ditto to "sledge's" post Patrish...it's just plain HARD to get through....stick close here.....my heart goes out to you... |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:28 AM Thank you all for your help, I am unable to make sense of anything at present - is it over reaction? No, its not really knowing anything - I am in a strange area, I am going to try going with the flow. I am at work at the moment, and have had permission to leave early - if the phone rings I have to be professional and answer it with a clear voice - I cant do that so I am leaving now. I thank you for your help and your feelings for my position. I have no one else I could have shared it with and thank you from the deepest part of me that has any substance or meaning. love Patrish xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: wysiwyg Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:34 AM Patrish, all the thoughts here are right. I will add one or two, and ask you a question. In case you are worrying about the crying, remember this-- a friend worth having, a good friend, is worth every single one of those tears when they leave us. The tears are, in addition to your own healing process, a tribute to the closeness the two of you achieved and the excellence of your frindship. Cry your salute and thanksgiving for her in your life, as she passes! The question is this. Look deep inside those tears, Patrish... and what do you see that you had not seen clearly, about the reason for them? You say twice that you do not understand.... I would encourage you to explore that. Why do YOU think you do not understand??? What do you need to know, or look at, or think about that is on the other side of that not-understanding? It may not make sense to say, here, what that is, and it may be a long journey before you know, but I think it is part of what this event holds for you, and you know I am right here if you want to talk about it. Last-- don't forget to lift your attention off the loss, too, and take breaks from it. She will be gone for a long time-- you don't have to grieve her all in one day. And take a lot of B and C vitamins-- those tears wash them right out, and you can get stuck in a pit when those levels fall too low. You CAN do this, you know. Just follow where it leads. ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: jeffp Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:34 AM Patrish, it's difficult to write this as I understand what you are going through. Eight years ago, my first wife died after a seven-year battle with brain cancer. You would think that the advance warning would make it easier to deal with when the time come, but that certainly wasn't the case for me. I was in shock and totally at sea for quite some time. I can tell you that crying will make you feel better, and the pain will eventually heal. I feel that the pain is a raw spot in our hearts, and we wrap the good memories around that raw spot like an oyster wraps nacre around an irritating piece of sand under its shell. With time, and only you can be the judge of how much time it takes, those memories will become a pearl of memory in your heart and you will be richer for it. If you need to be with other people to help you through the pain, seek them out. If you need time alone, arrange it. You are the one in the best position to know what you need. I am sure you will get through this hurt. We are here for you with whatever support you need. Take care. jeffp |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Amos Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:42 AM Patrish: My sympathy. It sometimes helps to extend your attention and see if you can locate her (wherever she may be in the little-understood process of migrating out of one form of existence into another). Minds do communicate. They link in ways that no network engineer could begin to explain. I recommend you give yourself the luxury, if you can, of reaching out to Jean and establishing a communication link straight between the two of you. You may be surprised. And if you succeed, make a point of delivering any communications you were not able or not willing to deliver to her while she was still operating a body. If this cannot work for you, then I suggest you write her a letter, again seeking to bring to closure anything you wish you could have said, or feel you should have said. I hope these suggestions are useful; you are of course completely at liberty to reject them out of hand, should you so desire. I wish both you and Jean a speedy healing from your losses. A |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: KingBrilliant Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:43 AM Patrish - terribly sorry to hear this news. Mark Hamm & I send you our biggest hugs. Think back on your good memories together. I believe that after death comes a wonderful journey, and I wish your friend well in that journey. Kris |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:06 PM Amos, deep felt thanks for your suggestions - it is something practical to do that I actually believe in - I know that Jean is out there somewhere and will contact me, I was so caught up in my upset that I did not think further ahead, Praise, my reason for not understanding is simple - I thought I was prepared for my friends death because I knew about it in advance, thought I could cope, didn't want her to suffer..... but in the end, when she finally died - it was me who found it hard to live with - life without Jean, me being selfish. KB Thanks for the hugs - wish that were for real - the here and now. I agree with the journey Jean is on and I wish her well, its as I said before the selfishness of the loss etc. I just cant see past mine and her families loss just now. This time next week will be different. love Patrish |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Catrin Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:07 PM Oh patrish - I lost a friend myself a couple of years ago - someone I'd known most of my life. It hurt so much. I feel for your pain {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} Catrin |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: AllisonA(Animaterra) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:15 PM Oh, dear one, go ahead and grieve, don't worry about the confusion. Sometimes you just have to sit with it. A year ago I too lost a dear friend to cancer. It was unexpected to me, just as to you, and I gave into my grief for a day or two, and still think of him with a pang. Close your eyes right now and feel the huge, warm, understanding hug I'm sending you........ (It's time-delayed, so you'll receive it when you read this- every time you read this! The miracles of the cyber-community!) |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: GUEST,Patrish Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:21 PM Time delayed or not I thank you all. I have to go now and will not be on line for a couple of days. I again thank you. love Patrish xxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Lyrical Lady Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:23 PM I have always equated the waves of grief with the pounding surf of the sea. Somedays, the waves are so powerful that they knock you flat ... somedays, you can ride them out ... and somedays they come in soft, gentle ripples. I'm sorry for your loss Patrish. ...LL |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Micca Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:23 PM Patrish, my heart goes out to you.. I lost afriend in 99 that I had known since 1968...and I still miss him, He lives on in my thoughts and In the silly things we enjoyed, wine, puns and other stuff.. It is hard to see beyond the grief.. and dont try... let it run and then remeber her," we live on in the memories of our friends, and thus are immortal" |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: dwditty Date: 10 Nov 00 - 12:41 PM Patrish, My deepest sympathy to you and all the family and friends of your beloved. Your sorrow is real and serves as a testament to the wonderful relationship you have enjoyed. Go ahead and grieve. Hold your memories in celebration of the life of your dear friend. The excrutiating pain will pass. One day you will think of your friend with smiles instead of tears, thankful for the time you shared. May God's mercy fall on you all in this difficult time. God Bless your friend. dw |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Morticia Date: 10 Nov 00 - 01:10 PM Patrish, darling, I am so sorry. I remember you talking about Jean at the Red Lion and how you shared my e-mails with her and I thought then but didn't say, you are a smashing friend and I hope I have someone as wonderful as you when my time comes.Now I'm saying it.Be well, and know we're thinking of you love Terri |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Bert Date: 10 Nov 00 - 02:54 PM Our love and thoughts are with you. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Dave (the ancient mariner) Date: 10 Nov 00 - 03:10 PM Cry on Patrish mate Cry on... All we can do is send a cyber hug and hope you can get over the loss. May the morning find you with fond memories; and the knowledge your friend knows you grieved for her. Spider Tom wrote a song that pretty well covers it.Yours (in sympathy)Aye. Dave |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Cobble Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:05 PM Patrish ((((big hug)))) Remember you will never have to live without your friend, she will always be with you. Each tear is a fond memory so let them all out. All our sympathy to you and yours Brian and Margaret |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:09 PM Oh bugger. Thinking of you. Liz |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Matt_R Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:12 PM Just as we take the train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star.
--Vincent Van Gogh |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: CarolC Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:15 PM Patrish, I'm so sorry for your loss. Loss hurts. It hurts a lot. No matter how prepared we think we are for it. It's like an emotional amputation. It takes time to heal the wound that's left in our heart when the person is gone. Sending you my best wishes and thoughts during this difficult time in your life. Carol |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Big Mick Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:29 PM One Big Mick hug coming up. I have a couple of things I do. One is that I vow that this friend will live on by my sharing of memories with those left behind. If there are children, I will help them to know the one who has gone on to the next leg of the journey. I will share stories about them, lessons learned from them, and humorous stories about them. Another thing is to look for their song in others. We know the soul is forever, and we know that one cannot walk this plane without leaving traces. I look for the traces, nurture them and help them grow so they give honor to the one who has left. If they were musicians/singers I will pass on to someone that I think is worthy a song or lyric I learned from my departed loved one. And I tell them who I got it from and what they meant to me. I hope you don't think I am being nuts, these are just things I do to insure that people I love are still in my life. Most importantly, dear Patrish, get your grieving over. Grieve hard, and then get on with living. I am sorry for your loss. Mick |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: katlaughing Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:59 PM Dear Patrish, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. As you may know, my mom passed away two years ago this upcoming January. I still wind up crying once in awhile when something catches me just right, an old photograph, a particular poem, etc. I know she is aware of us, her children, and I talk to her now and then. I've also found writing a letter or two to a friend or family member who has passed to be of great comfort and help. One thing that really helped me with mom, is I *saw* her long departed parents and siblings waiting for her and greeting her, enfolding her in their love and rejoicing in her joining them, as she "shuffled off this mortal coil." It was an extraordinary thing to see and it did ease the pain of knowing that she was gone. I was not actually there with her, as it was unexpected and I lived 4 hours away, but I found out later, it was at the time that she died that I saw her go to her family. Perhaps your friend had loved ones to go to, which it might help you to visualise? Also, give yourself plenty of time to grieve, without wallowing into a state of depression, and pamper yourself, try not to rush tings, take time out for a long soak in the tub, to read a special poem or book, and to do some of the things you and she enjoyed together. Ask her along and see what you *feel.* Most of all, I found it helped tremendousaly to give thanks that mom was released from the pain and suffering she'd been going through. Hope this helps, luvyakat |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: KT Date: 10 Nov 00 - 11:04 PM Just be with it, Patrish. It hurts. There's no getting around it. It's a mountain you're having to climb right now, and you will. May your journey be a little easier knowing that there are Mudcatters who care. We're walking with you. KT (Sending you a PM)
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: GUEST,jaze Date: 11 Nov 00 - 01:38 AM patrish I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my beautiful 15 year old daughter in a car accident on Sept. 29. My heart is broken too. But the love, thoughts and prayers of friends and even strangers has helped more than you know. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that time brings only the best and most treasured memories, so you see, your friend will always live on , in the best possible way-- in how you loved her. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Morticia Date: 11 Nov 00 - 06:39 AM Jaze, we don't know you yet, but I hope we will and in the meantime, please accept the most heartfelt of condolences on your daughter. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Naemanson Date: 11 Nov 00 - 06:52 AM Oh Patrish, I am so sorry. There is nothing you can do to prepare for such a thing except buy plenty of tissues and give yourself time to go through them one box at a time. Your friend will continue to live in your heart. Hold her there and cherish her and the time you had together. Cry for her and for yourself but know that she will always be with you and you will always be able to depend on that memory. Cry for your loss. Cry for the world's loss. Cry until the tears will no longer flow and you lie on your bed spent and exhausted. Then get up from your bed, have a cup of tea and hold her close to you and feel her presence within you. Know her love and her gratitude for having you as her friend. And then comes the hardest part. Then you have to get up from your chair and go on with your life. All the best love and hope for you and all who knew her. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Quincy Date: 11 Nov 00 - 08:02 AM More love, hugs and heart-felt wishes to you Patrish. I've done my share of crying in my life too....let it out, it's a natural part of the grieving process. Also to you Jaze...may you feel the warmth and prayers of this community at your sad loss. A poem I had on several sympathy cards when I lost someone very close to me is as follows....and I still cry everytime I read it....... Near shady wall a rose once grew, Budded and blossomed in God's free light, Watered and fed by the morning dew, Shedding it's sweetness day and night. As it grew and blossomed fair and tall, Slowly rising to loftier height, It came to a crevice in the wall Through which there shone a beam of light. Onward it crept with added strength With never a thought of fear or pride, It followed the light through the crevice's length And unfolded itself on the other side. The light, the dew, the broadening view Were found the same as they were before, And it lost itself in beauties new, Breathing it's fragrance more and more. Shall claim of death cause us to grieve And make our courage faint and fall? Nay! Let us faith and hope receive-- The rose still grows beyond the wall, Scattering fragrance far and wide Just as it did in days of yore, Just as it does on the other side, Just as it will forevermore. with my love and best wishes, Yvonne
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: SINSULL Date: 11 Nov 00 - 07:07 PM Patrish, Celebrate Jean's life, mourn her death, and don't apologize for your grief. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Mary |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: catspaw49 Date: 11 Nov 00 - 08:32 PM Patrish, here's the biggest hug ol' Spaw can give you and I hope it fits with all these other good thoughts from your friends here. Two of my closest friends have died in the past few years and we are never prepared though we may think otherwise. In the case of Alan, it was quite unexpected and sudden, and because he had recently remarried, his new wife didn't tell any of his old friends. He had already been buried before I knew. I found any closure difficult at best, but one morning I sat at the table and poured two cups of coffee and we had a talk, Alan and I. We used to sit and talk over coffee every morning all those years we lived together, Alan, his first wife Katey, and myself. We bought two homes together in Chattanooga and Nashville. They were some of the best times anyone ever had. I told him how pissed I was that he died and how much I loved him. I talked over all the old times and laughed and cried for a few hours. I don't know that it helped him, but it helped me. Then there was Denny. Denny and I had been friends for 30 years when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He lived another three years past that time and we talked much of what was going to happen. He planned his own funeral and asked me to say a few words. The funeral drew a huge crowd and when I spoke, I spent twenty minutes and got lots of laughs, because we had had many good laughs together over the years. But I ended with something that my nephew had asked. It was a good question and since he was there, it was a good place to answer it. Ricky said to his Mom (Connie), "What's it like when your best friend dies? Uncle Pat must have a big hole in his heart now." At the end of that eulogy cum comedy monologue, I told the crowd what Rick had asked and said: Great friends cannot leave a hole in your heart. They can only fill it with the memories of a lifetime. Maybe that's all our hearts really are.......A collection of wonderful memories and love for those we bless and who bless us with that most special status......True Friend. Time will pass, but the memories will not. Patrish, may your heart overflow as mine has with the love of True Friends. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: WyoWoman Date: 11 Nov 00 - 09:50 PM Of course you're heartbroken, Patrish. You'd have to be cold as ice not to be bereft at such a loss. We do so try to keep a stiff upper lip, but sometimes, wailing and rending of garments is appropriate. (Although maybe not on the train .. or in traffic...) The worst thing we can do with grief is stifle it. So let 'er rip, darlin' -- and don't be in a rush to tidy yourself up so that you can be presentable about your pain. Closure is fine, when it's time. But this freshly and this newly after a loss, try to let as much of the anguish out as you can. Very American of me, I know, but letting it go does make way for life again ... My heart is with you. ww
Catspaw: I love you. ... |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Charlie Baum Date: 11 Nov 00 - 10:10 PM Get together with other friends who knew her, and mourn her death by celebrating her life! Do it together--a community of mourners will help, giving each other permission and encouragement to mourn, to remember, and to laugh as well as cry at remembrances. And keep gathering until you've all gotten through it--I promise you that you all will, with each others' help (and maybe some help form the Divine). --Charlie Baum |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Megan L Date: 12 Nov 00 - 03:25 PM Patrish, this might be a bit religeous for some of our mudcat friends but I would ask them in advance to be tolerant. I wrote this for a friend who had just lost her friend after a long fight with cancer. I'm not even going to try html on this as some kind folk are still trying to sort out my last effort. WAITING Lord I am waiting for the end. I watch the candle flicker and dip Then flare again Yet I know it will be extinguished She is assured, Awaits with anticipation The breath of wind That will free her from this life. But her going will leave me in darkness. Hold me Lord Don't let the darkness Of my loss suffocate me. Weep with me Lord As you wept with Martha and Mary Knowing the truth of eternal life Yet sharing their sorrow of today Show me Lord The pictures of our past That I may remember the precious time You gave us and give thanks. For had you not given me her candle From which to light my own. I would have walked in darkness. When I stop weeping Help me see That she has left me the flame That in my turn I may pass your light on to others. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Night Owl Date: 12 Nov 00 - 03:36 PM Megan...that IS a beautiful piece of writing. ..thanks for posting. I find it to be very spiritual regardless of religious orientation. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: KT Date: 12 Nov 00 - 03:58 PM Megan.... beautiful. I have two friends who are now waiting and watching. I will pass your words on to them. I know they will find deep meaning and comfort in them. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. KT
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: bill\sables Date: 12 Nov 00 - 04:32 PM Patrice , so sorry for your loss. Love Bill |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Bernard Date: 12 Nov 00 - 04:51 PM The pain will numb with time. You'll never 'get over' your loss - if you did, it wasn't true friendship in the first place. Try to keep your memories of the good times without dwelling too much on them - and take comfort in the knowledge that, for your friend, this was for the best. It's always difficult for those who are bereaved to be altruistic; it's even worse when people spend too much time sympathising about the 'loss', rather than celebrating the richness your friend brought into your life. {{{{{HUG}}}}} Pity it's only a virtual hug - you need the real thing right now... |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Greyeyes Date: 12 Nov 00 - 05:23 PM Patrish, I read these words at my Grandmothers funeral a few years ago at my Mother and Uncle's request. I hope it helps. Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we still are. Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. ALL IS WELL. Canon Henry Scott Holland. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: P05139 Date: 12 Nov 00 - 05:30 PM Everybody's got something they have to leave behind and for people left behind after someone close has died, it is difficult. Don't be afraid to cry, it's one of the best things you can do. Remember the good times you had together, even if they are upsetting.As time goes by, you will get over it, trust me and always remember that someday you will see each other again. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: alison Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:44 AM Sorry for your loss Patrish.... lots of prayers and hugs from Oz... love alison |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Llanfair Date: 14 Nov 00 - 04:20 AM Patrish, I am so sorry to hear the news about your friend.You must be devastated, and I wish I could be there to offer real hugs. The responses from everyone else has reduced me to tears. This community is so loving and supportive to each other, and as we get to know people individually, we know that their good wishes come from the heart. Think of your friend kindly, Patrish, she didn't want to cause you such pain. Love, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: MichaelAnthony Date: 14 Nov 00 - 04:22 AM (((((((((((((((((Patrish))))))))))))))))))))) (hugs) |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Dave the Gnome Date: 14 Nov 00 - 04:30 AM When a ship sails of the horizon we can no longer see her, but we know she is still there. It helps me in times like these anyway. As does a bottle of Glenmorangie port wood finish, even the hangover helps remind me that the pain will only be temporary! LOL Dave the Gnome |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:18 AM Dear All, Thank you. I must admit that on Friday I had really gone to pieces, I couldn't speak without crying. I read and re read this thread and felt comforted by its sincerity and warmth. I have "spoken" to Jean and feel a step further in this process. I went to visit some folkie friends at the weekend (Billy Macs House - for those who know him) and they helped me by just being there. I had a sing and I sang a song myself, nothing to do with death or dying infact in was "an old man came courting me" and I belted it out - not in my usual hesitant weak voice, but stronger and mostly in tune. I know Jean would have had a laugh at it. I also saw my daughter and thinking of Jaze I told her how much I loved her and then promptly won £20 on a quiz machine - I dont know what impressed her the most! My thoughts have been more geared to Jeans family, The funeral is on Friday morning. Then its Manchester where I will be collecting some hugs and snogs. Thank you again, lots of love from Patrish xxxxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Dave the Gnome Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:53 AM See you there - If you want to take up the advice of thinking about ships while making big holes in a bottle of GlenM (see earlier), I can sing some shanties and help with trips to the bar or with finishing the bottle....:-) You have our thoughts and support for Friday morning. Let the Massive shoulders of the Mudcat help with the burden and remember that things will start to get much easier after then. Cheers Dave the Gnome |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Noreen Date: 14 Nov 00 - 02:48 PM Patrish, I can't think of a better way for you to spend the weekend than with your Mudcat friends, previously met or not, in Manchester. Lots of hugs coming up..... Noreen |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Gypsy Date: 14 Nov 00 - 10:09 PM It is so hard...to lose a friend, to lose a daughter. Time will mellow the pain. In the meantime, it is good to mourn, to grieve, and to remember. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it" won't work. Meanwhile, will pray for both Patrish, and Jaze..for comfort and healing. I am so very sorry for your loss |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Amergin Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:36 PM Patrish, my thoughts are with you this night....a drama teacher I had in high school and who my brother and sister had until recently, died of the cancer this morning.... Amergin |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Nov 00 - 11:43 PM In searching for the lyrics in the jungle of the net I stumbled on this place Full of friends I've never met And in between the joking like graphitti on a wall I found some glimpses of the truth And heard a deeper call That lead me from the frenzy back to a simpler place where folks take time to listen or sing their songs with grace and though this place is hard to find except by accident Once you've made your way here You feel that it was meant to share your joys and sorrows in ways you won't forget in honest conversation with friends you've never met May healing come to all of us who hurt LEJ |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: jaze Date: 15 Nov 00 - 01:37 AM That was beautiful, EJ |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Peter Kasin Date: 15 Nov 00 - 02:06 AM Losing someone close, in time, can help you re-evaluate your own life. It may take awhile - as WyoWoman said, go ahead and let it out w/o worrying about being presentable - but in time you might look at what is important about you living now, about what things and people really matter to you, and what and who are not that important to spend much time with. It's too bad it often takes a death to shake us out of our own complacency, our tendency to take life for granted. My thoughts are with you. -chanteyranger |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Jed at Work Date: 15 Nov 00 - 11:36 AM my heartfelt condolences, Patrish. I also recently lost a young friend to cancer. It is so sad, and so hard to accept such a loss. May you carry her in your heart forever. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Night Owl Date: 15 Nov 00 - 12:58 PM A good friend gave me this after my brother was killed in a car accident.
GRIEF
A cut finger
Grief is the deepest wound
Like a cut finger And leaves a scar. |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Amergin Date: 15 Nov 00 - 01:20 PM Beautiful, Leej and NightOwl, just beautiful....my sister came home last night crying because of her teacher.....Mrs. Adams was one of those rare commodities that truly cared about her students.... Amergin |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Trevor Date: 16 Nov 00 - 10:26 AM I'm so sorry to hear about your sadness, Patrish. You will smile again when you think about Jean, one of the days. Strength for tomorrow. ((((((squeeze)))))). |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Patrish(inactive) Date: 16 Nov 00 - 10:35 AM Thanks again for all your support. I feel really cared for and I hope I can pass this on to Jeans family love Patrish xxxx |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Robby Date: 16 Nov 00 - 02:40 PM Dear Patrish, Time heals all wounds. So they say. I don't know that wounds such as your loss is ever really healed. But I do know that, with time, the pain will not be as sharp and keen as you feel now. I also know, from my experience, that Jean is still with you and her family. Every time you think of her, or talk and remember times shared with her, she will be there. I believe that no person is ever truly dead and gone until there is no one left to remember them and speak their name. From my faith to you, may the peace and love of Jesus Christ be with you now and forever. Robby |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: mousethief Date: 16 Nov 00 - 03:02 PM Patrish, Time does heal. Having lost my best friend in a plane crash (he was flying back to Chicago after coming out to Seattle to visit me), I was totally devastated, and felt like it was my fault, to boot. Remembering all the wonderful things we had done together, and the good things about John, his smile, his laughter, his quirks -- it all helped. And of course nothing can take away the times you spent together, or what you meant to each other. Go ahead and be devastated. Death is more than "a passage to a better place" or other such euphemisms. From where I stand, it is also a great evil, and should be mourned. Crying helps a lot. Music helps a lot. Don't cut off the tears; that makes it worse and turns it into a neurosis (or worse). Grief is natural in a world that contains death. It's okay to let yourself grieve. Wish I could help more. Words are poor bandages. Peace to you, blessings, prayers, hugs, and good memories.
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Heartbroken............................. From: Mrs.Duck Date: 16 Nov 00 - 04:25 PM Patrish, you can never be prepared for the loss of someone you love, nor will you ever stop thinking about her. You must let yourself grieve but don't feel guilty about laughing and enjoying life too because I'm sure that any friend of yours would have wanted you to remember the good times and be glad that you shared them. As for crying I will don my pacamac and shed a few with you on Friday night if I can prise you away from all the other hugs. And don't forget Jean will be looking down and having a bloody good laugh at us all getting pissed!!! {{{{{HUGS}}}}} love Jane |
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