BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....

Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:44 PM

Hey chaps, a new, cleaner, fluffier Tavern has opened up, and is waiting to serve you.

The tree is still in the yard, but the boxes of trimmings are out of the loft and waiting to be dusted off and placed lovingly around the place.

There is wine mulling by the fire, cider cooling out the back, real ale foaming in the wassail bowl, and for lager drinkers, the pipeline from the gents will be clear in about an hour.

The Chieftans are playing 'The bells of Dublin' (or is it the Dubliners playing 'The bells of Chieftans?) in the background and Bing is warming up the vocals for the 14th rendition of 'White Christmas' and that's just this evening!

Come on in, pull up a stool and settle in for the duration.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 06:53 PM

In a prominant location - secured to its pedestal with a chain of iron links heavy enough to anchor the Titanic - is a thick photo album - titled "MudCat Christmas Tavern - 2003 - Memories"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:05 PM

You made it! Well done... stop playing with those naughty posh people and come and give us a tune.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 07:18 PM

I don't like "fluffy". Reminds me of dirty bunny slippers and aggravates my allergies. Bah Humbug!

That said...what can I do to help out? And where is the Jack Daniel's and Bert's credit card? Used mine up on the bourbon balls. OK. Nice quiet booth in the corner. No ducks. And a clean glass.

Shall I get out my Jell-O Shots recipe for the pit? I thought Cherry - a nice Christmas red.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:00 PM

Sorry about the little accident with the flamethrower/disinfectant sprayer. I left it outside in the powder magazine.

I'd play my trumpet and sing, but with this flareup of dental trouble I can't buzz a mouthpiece and the swelling isn't at all swell. At least the new antibiotics seem to be doing a good job.

So I can't drink and I can't play and I can't sing and I'm in pain because the dentists can't do a root canal job until the swelling goes down. What's left...pain...oh, hell, man, I've got


Vicodin!!! (From a pharmacy, not from the Internet)

Yes!

If I live till tomorrow, it'll be a long song
And I'll live out my life on hydrocodone.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:24 PM

And you'd better nudge the squid out of the hot tub and head him toward the beach. I think he'll enjoy the company down there better (though he sure seemed to enjoy YOUR company, Rapaire--maybe he knew you were a little under the weather and was offering the equivalent of a squid hug?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:49 PM

Okay clear all the critters out of the tub, it's my turn to soak and float..... I could use a long shot of an old bourbon...Did you find any behind the bar yet SINSULL ??? I'm looking for something gentely aged and mellow. Ahhhhhh just a little lower and that jet will be in just the right spot... Yes.

Oh someone make sure I'm out of here in time to get the horde off to school in the morning.
Is the time warpped door still in place behind the bar???

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:49 PM

Looked to me like he was trying to suck the infection out of R's gums (or the life out of his body). Whatever! The end result was that our little ten legged friend got a healthy dose of painkillers and is being led on a leash down to the beach and out of harm's way.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:56 PM

I've got a healthy dose of painkillers! Whoopee!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:09 PM

I've got a loverly bunch of coconuts.
Here they are a standing in a row...

Stream of consciousness...sorry.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: moonglow
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:28 PM

Wow, I actually got here before most of the holiday rush.

*pours herself a glass of cider, moves over to the corner, pulls out a batch of papers and begins writing furiously, muttering something to herself about 'bloody essays' and Huckleberry Finn*

(not much going on, might as well get some homework done...)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Santa Cruz
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:34 PM

Yo! Whassup, you Mudcattin' mofos? It is I, Santa Cruz, in from Santa's sweatshop workshop down at the South Pole. I am in need, indeed, of something in the way of a strongly intoxicating beverage. And if you've got someplace I can wash some of this elf stench off it would be greatly appreciated. Jesus! If I'd only known how rank those little sumbitches can get I never would've taken this Santa gig. Little bastards musta never even heard of a bath. What? You actually like the smell of elf? Damn, woman, you must be outta your mind. But, hey, listen, why don't you come over here and sit in Santa's lap? Yeah, and we can talk about the first thing that pops up. Maybe Santa's got a little something special in his pouch just for you. Heh, heh, heh!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:58 PM

Isn't Christmas supposed to bring joy to everyone, grownups, near-grownups, non-grownups, and squids alike? Why are we engaging in cephalopod prejudice? Just because the poor thing outweighs a small truck (or lorry), has tentacles with suckers that have teeth, and doesn't have a backbone doesn't mean that it doesn't have feelings! Why, almost every squid I've ever met is far and away more intelligent that any politician you can name and usually far more useful, too.

Be kind to your ten-footed friends
For a squid might be somebody's mother
Be kind to your friends in the deep
Where you never, no never, can peep....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:10 PM

Cephalopods suck, and that's deep. But I do hope your teeth become less swell. Perhaps you have been smiling too much?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:34 AM

Whoa! Did you see THAT? MMario put up a sign on the bar that said "calamari lunch special" and Mr. Squid was suddenly a mile away down at the beach, last seen slithering into the sea foam.

I didn't know squids could read!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 02:52 AM

Heloooo?.....Oh....you all got here before me! Why didn't anyone tell me they were leaving the 2003 tavern? MMario, Cluin...I odn't think it was very nice leaving me there cleaning up by myself...that thing in the fridge was getting too bloody friendly!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Maija
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:44 AM

Ok, where's the bottle of rum? Need to make them Chrissie chocolates now, so I can get to batch 2 and 3 this weekend...

*ages later* It is really hard to get those flaming little bastards into the godforsaken tiny paper cups. I think I'll have jhust anoffer one, saves a lot of work. Anyone else up for one?

Note to self: less alcohol next time.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:49 AM

Have you got the jello pit cleaned out yet? I got a tanker load of cranberry jelly outside.

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 04:24 AM

Settled into a large and comfortable armchair by the blazing real log fire. Someone handed me a pint of something called "That Stuff". As they say around here 'kinell. The whole of Christmas in one glass and so thick it had to be chewed. That could have been something to do with the squid of course, he seemed quite partial to it which is probably why he was led away. Didn't go quietly though. Never knew that squids knew the dirty version of British Grenadiers.

Now the hubbub has died down a bit the booze and the fire seem to be working their old magic and I may just let myself drift off for a little snoo.......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: My guru always said
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:31 AM

Thump.. Scuffle... Thump... Meeeooowww... Thump.. Prrraarrppp!! Scritch... Thump... CRAAAASSHHHH!!!!! Claws desperately searching for purchase on the clean bar-room floor, a very surprised MadCat slides inelegantly over to the kitchen door.

Well, really! Fancy putting in a Cat-Flap that only lets a Kitty out..... Anyone would think they didn't want us Cats in here! Hmmm, not started roasting in the kitchen yet I see. These little fresh cream chocolate truffles are yummy (hic), but the bits of paper get stuck in teeth and are the very devil to spit out. It's all a bit tidy in here, where's that spitoon?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM

Well I'm up for one Maija...whatever it is....
Can we have WARM cranberry jello in the jello pit please? Don't fancy cold at this time of year.

That squid didn't look very well last time I saw it....don't have too much of what he had. If I catch him I can say "Here's the sick squid I owe you"......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 08:38 AM

In comes I, little epn
Logs on my back, all tied again
To place upon the yule tide fire

MUMMY WATCH THE FLAMES GET HIGHER!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 08:46 AM

Sorry guys, but I've got to do it at least once...

*puts BRAND NEW CD (!) in player* *clears throat*

a-hemm! This is my latest CD!   (hope the links work!)


1) GLOUCHESTER WASSAIL - 1:32
2) WE BE WISEMEN THREE - 1:12
3) O LITTLE TOWN OF BETHLEHEM - 1:16
4) WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED - 2:24
5) THE WINTER CAROL - 0:50
6) IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER - 1:14
7) DRIVE THE COLD WINTER AWAY - 1:47
8) OH HOLY NIGHT - 2:37
9) CHILDREN GO WHERE I SEND THEE - 5:36
10) ANGELS WE HAVE HEARD ON HIGH - 2:16
11) 'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS - 2:03
12) IT CAME UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR - 1:53
13) THE FIRST NOEL - 1:28
14) SILENT NIGHT(S) - 3:34
15) ADESTE FIDELES - 1:27
16) NEW YEAR'S TOAST - 1:11
17) TINY TIM'S BLESSING - 0.02

me and a bunch of friends...featuring "Duke" Norsworthy as 'tiny tim'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:14 PM

Slipping in the back door as a brief respite from Christmas shopping. Someone hands me a steaming glass of Glugg and I sit close to the roaring fire next to a man roasting his nuts. He offers me one but I politely refuse. I explain last time I had one of those my tooth broke and couldn't get to a dentist as he was busy in the Mudcat chat room. I ended up on painkillers so strong that I completely missed Easter and didn't want the same thing to happen to Christmas. I returned to sipping my Glugg and he carried on with his nuts. We didn't speak again.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:24 PM

Yaaawwwnnnn!!!!!!!!!!
BLINK.....
"Gawd - you lot move fast! I just closed my eyes a second ago, didn't I?"
Oh Quack!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:26 PM

Bit smoky in here though!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 05:27 PM

Look out!!! The nuts are scorching!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:15 PM

Just take some more Vicodin, obtained legally from the pharmacy, and you won't care....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:22 PM

Hi All!

Are we going to have a Panto this year? Due to old age and informity, I don't think I can play Baron Hardup this year....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 07:04 PM

Yaaawwwnnnn....
Strettccchhhh.......
"Oh - I see - it's getting on towards Fishmas again is it?"
I expect I'd better start practicing Silent Night on the Bombarde..."
"I've been dozing since the last one. Did that squid get home safely? I gave him a bus timetable, but he seemed to be having trouble working out the Quarter-Hours last time I saw him...."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: open mike
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 07:16 PM

Huzzah, Mario! great music for the occasion!
and check the carols for sceptic thread for other tunes..
or is is carols for septics?
speaking of which have we had the place here inspected
by the health dept? warm gelatin? isn't that what they
use in laboratories to grow cultures of oogly thingies?
agar agar petri dishes...well as long as we put a bit
of Thuja oil or eucalyptus or Tea Tree oil or bubble
bath in the hot tub it might counteract any germs.
and speaking of fermented things....I'll take a bit
of that hard cider!! and here is a batch of peppernuts..
feffernussen....anise cookies....yum yum...careful..they
are crunchy...if you've got dental probablems, you can
just suck on them like my toothless old uncle used to do.
dont' get any ideas now....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:06 PM

Mudcat Tavern season doesn't officially begin until its founder, the venerable LEJ signs on and takes up his usual position. Maybe he will bring the ghosts of old Bill Lee and wife Joan with him to perform Bill's (in)famous "William Tell" trick, a highlight of the holiday and not to be missed by the kiddies...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Dead Horse
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:59 PM

New.
Cleaner.
Fluffy.
I dont holds with all this new fangled stuff. It aint..........traditional.
I kinda liked the old place, complete with its various holes & creeping thingies.....
I might try the real ale, but aint too sure about *foaming*. Last time I did *foaming* was just before the barium enema!
That reminds me, where is this chap Bill gonna stick his apple? Only I've got me trusty 12 bore ready in case of carol singers.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 11:29 PM

Dead Horse, it is the same old place, for all intents and purposes. It's just "beside itself" with pleasure over being so clean and tidy. If you go down the hall and through that coat closet you'll see the Mudcat Recovery ward, but be quiet or you'll disturb Nurse Ratched.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 12:08 AM

Personally, I like clean. It gets me away from my house.

I'm still eating stuffing casserole from (just) last week. I hate to feel rushed into Midwinter already, but then, I do love those carols.

There's a bunch in the Christmas Revels Songbook which I do not know.

Ahh, there is a piano over in the corner to go pick out the tunes ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:35 AM

Mudcat Christmas Tavern
The lights were flashing so brightly I thought I would have a hernia in my eye.
Who could drive by a sign so well hung, and so entertainingly displayed in the middle of bum-fuck North-south-east-west polar rightness.

Staggering in, already half baked, I wander in from the northern door. I see a wonderful assortment of people already starting to celebrate a holiday and I want to celebrate too.

I have to wander the tavern to find just the right bar stool and then I had to move it down to the end of the bar where I could watch the Northern door. I was waiting for a friend to arrive with his electric washboard. Said he would meet me here.

I'd like to buy the next round bartender!!
Do we have a bartender?
hell, set us all up with a shot of choice!!

I need to start a tab.

Why is the christmas tree hanging from the rafters? Is this some kinda Andy Warhol party? Well I can dig it.
Tequila and plum for me, Mister Barkeep and keep them coming until I find a place to fall down by the fire,
please.

Oh, one more thing, if the squid is done I would like a morsel to eat before I really get fucked up, okay?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:48 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:53 AM

MBSLynne was speechless

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 03:58 AM

.... I don't know, you close your eyes for a few seconds and someone tries to steal your nuts.

Hey you, door watcher, I know you're pissed but stop trying to cook the friggin' squid, he's just trying to get home. You try walking after eight pints and no bones in your legs. Have a mince pie.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:07 AM

Alright, alright Sorcha, I'll have a pint! Oak! Get yer 'and off me bleedin' knee... fresh.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:13 AM

Hmmm, just peeking in the door for the moment. I had a pretty rough time in here last year. The crowd looks friendly enough, though I do think someone should wake up that guy with the burning nuts...

Nothing too crazy yet this year. I'd love to come in out of the cold and have a nice hot chocolate and sing some songs...

Guess I'll wait a bit. I don't think everyone is here yet, and the mood is still in the making.

Back later, folks. Save me just the tiniest piece of space by the fire (and not too close to the burning nut man)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:08 AM

Rustic Rebel I tried to say "OOOOOOOh yes, I'll have a brandy alexander please!" but it wouldn't let me speak! Gagged by a bloody virtual landlord!!! *sulk. Don't know if I want to come in here.... (Come on then somebody...persuade me! Pleeeease!)

And Chris...Oak isn't here yet, do you mind if I put my hand on your knee until he gets here? Then we can all put our hands on each other's knees....just need Skippy and Bassic too.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: pixieofdoom
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:54 AM

I fear that catflap may have been sealed to stop Jack getting in. Pesky pups already drunk all the sherry we were saving for Santa said some things that I wasn't entirely sure were in keeping with the festive season. Anyway, it would be best for all if he could be kept out of here, I hate cleaning vomit out of the fireplace on Christmas Eve.................Any of that foaming stuff left?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 06:31 AM

I was going to look in last night ,but the virtual motorway was solid with virtual traffic doing four virtual miles a virtual hour ,so I went home sober . This is only a flying visit for a quick Irish Coffee before tonights gig . Oh Life is HARD !!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 07:08 AM

The virtual fog was the problem Tel. Would you like something in your Irish coffee and tell me, please, where in Ireland do they grow the bloody stuff.

Trying to get served is becoming a problem as some moustachioed fool is laying behind the bar and trying to get at the drip trays. Oh, it's only Skipy. That's all right then.

The bartender's back now, having trouble with his wassail. No that's two people in a bar not two beats in a bar. Waddya mean there's no deadbeats in your bar. HA!!! You let me in.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 07:31 AM

After turning down a gig to endorce Quaker Oats, the band Sorcha Dorcha, with Lorcan Otway, blows into the tavern, huge santa like bags of instruments to abuse. We are out of breath, as Amanda and Lorcan have had to run from an anti Amish mob, who can't tell the difference between Quaker and Amish plain dress... (there is the yearly evangelical KKK anti Amish riot which is held every year in honnor of the birth of the prince of peace, generally at a loss to stone anyone, as it is held in Rhienbec New Mexico, where there aren't many Amish, but there was this big Celtic Progressive music blow out concert... and DAMN but can't them crackers run even in those bed sheets!!!) Also out of breath is third band member Dick Cheney, who even though he is tall thin and red haired, both red and blue voters took him for the VP of the USA, and half the crowd wanted to try him for war profiteering, the other half wanted to ask for his autograph, shake his hand and lick his face for good luck. Amanda sets her bonnet straight, Lorcan pops the dents out of his broad brimmed hat and head, and Scott "Dick" Cheney glues his guitar back together and they launch into their new turned on version of Good King Wnsceslaus, while the band's monkey passes the tin cup, which becomes filled with an odd mixture of bear, rice wine, whiskey and religious tracts. The monkey downs the lot and passes out.
Cheers
Lor

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM

'Good King Wenceslaus' on uilann pipe? Wierd - but oddly effective...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Dead Horse
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 09:01 AM

I warned ya about carols in here! (donates both barrels from shotgun)
P.S. Said shotgun is loaded with peppercorns, in mistake for rocksalt.
Peppered behinds will, henceforth, abound!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 10:26 AM

"the band's monkey passes the tin cup"

Shameless exploitation of a fellow primate! Mind you, I didn't know that monkeys could drink so much. Worse than squids. Is that the correct plural or should it be squid?

Seems to be a lot of noise coming from the big round table in the middle, sounds mechanical. Oh no someone's let King Arthur and his knights in, or wait is it, yes, it's the Herga mummers on tour complete with clanking tankards.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 10:32 AM

Does that include my cousin, Carol?

Now your peppering everyone and everything has put tiny little holes in the woodwork. This would normally let woodworms in, but the pepper will keep them out. So I guess it's just a case of instant antiqueing of the place.

Don't forget though that I'm packin' two of Sam Colt's finest, both of 'em Walkers and I'm dead accurate with 'em. And this here star pinned to my chest gives me the authority to 'rest you.

(I really should pin that star to something besides my chest sometime, I think. It's actually quite painfull and fairly bloody.)

Jist remember the old story: One riot, one Ranger.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 10:50 AM

ONe riot, one ranger? I thought the Idaho League ratio was more like ten riots, 1 ranger.

DH - Can that shotgun be loaded with dry rub? I've got a a couple 40 foot filets of Rhincodon typus that needs to be marinated and smoked. That shotgun would sure help speed up the process!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Oaklet
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 10:51 AM

...knocks snow off boots. Hello - yes thanks... errr... an Oaklet please with an extra sparkler and two pickled eggs.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 11:01 AM

You think 80 feet of filet will be enough? The fishmonger has some Leedsichthys problematicus filets about 60 foot long - but I thought that might be a bit too much...

Maybe I should get one - could always stuff it and bake it for a later course. The marinated filets are appetizers. thinly sliced, with some onion, cream cheese...mmmMMMmmmmMMMMmmmm!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 11:04 AM

What, no pork scratchings?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 11:08 AM

Suddenly perceiving a dangerous situation, and deciding to take care of it herself, Sage whispers to the cats and ducks and they all discreetly (for cats and ducks) climb and flutter up into the brown and tinder dry tree in the rafters and remove the various glass ornaments and set them aside on the beams above. Sage signals to MMario behind the bar to push the botton on the left behind the coffee maker--no, on the LEFT! That's it--to open the big skylight on the west side of the tavern. Moonglow sets aside her math homework and climbs up to the beam to untangle the harness that the tree was suspended in. Sage nudges the slightly sloshed Rustic Rebel down one place at the bar and reaches behind it to push the button for the trebuchet harness and the dry tree rotates slowly, then lower, and finally shifts angles and is suddenly ejected butt-end first out of the skylight and lands on the far side of the gravel parking lot with a barely audible thud. Dry brown needles with the wonderful scent of the nobel fir sprinkle down onto the bar and floor. The new large fresh tree will be arriving soon. . .don't forget the ornaments are stashed on the beams.

"Whew! That could have turned this place into a fire trap!" Moonglow climbs down and resumes her work. The bartender slips her a nice hot mug of mulled cider and receives a breathtakingly gorgeous smile.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 11:37 AM

Why is MMario playing with the coffe maker's bottom? Oh sorry, it's dark in here and I've only just woken up. There's a funny smell of scorched nuts in here and I'm covered in dead pine needles which I'll still be finding in July.

Mind what you're doing with that tree, nearly knocked my pint over. I wouldn't bend over there MBSLynne, ouch, too late. Still we won't need to get a fairy this year and it's only until 12th night.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 12:53 PM

I hope it didn't hit anything important out at the edge of the parking lot. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:04 PM

Don't worry Stilly, I flew in... oh, hi Lynne...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:07 PM

oh dear! more people - maybe I better add a carrot or two to the hor d'euve tray!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: rumanci
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:09 PM

you lot need a proper certified licensee in here !   I might know somebody who could qualify on both counts........

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:11 PM

Rum, is that you? Licensee? And ruin all the fun? HA!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: rumanci
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:14 PM

no worries Chris .........the emphasis was on the certifiable !

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:24 PM

we are legally outside of every venue in the (humanly) known universe - that's one of the beauties of the MudCat Tavern.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 01:57 PM

I think we're all certifiable...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:15 PM

Chris - this party ain't even begun to happen - check back through the archives for some of the other mudcat taverns - or even better - read about our trip on the Riverboat Albert Hansell!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blowzabella
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 02:28 PM

Heck - I'm just popping in on my way to a meeting about Premises Licenses - mind if I push in - this time next year, there'll need to be a SIA registered doorman on here probably - you do realise that, do you? Just giving fair warning you understand - or perhaps I haven't read it right...now, where did I see the reference ...page 156 of the guidance was it?.....back in a bit everyone...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 03:18 PM

I thought that there was already a door, man. If there ain't, what do ya call that thing you have to open and close to go in and out of?

(OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUCH! Glad to get that off my chest. Next time I'll wear a shirt and stick the star to that. And pants or trousers. Have to remember to wear pants or trousers, but not both. I'd wear a kilt, but the Idaho Legionaires think they're sissy, or did until a highlander tossed four or five of them like a camber, and then drew down on 'em with a priobroch. But then again, I don't have a kilt so I'll have to wear trews.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: My guru always said
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:15 PM

That's enough work for one evening, decided the MadCat, stifling the impulse to play with the glass balls arrayed before her on the rafter. Determined to assist Rustic Rebel with whatever she's drinking & make up for that unfortunate episode last Christmas (or perhaps beat a hasty retreat), the sweet little Kitty spies a very useful looking crystal chandelier. Hmmm, is that really a good idea?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:17 PM

Someone said something about bubble bath in the jello pit, so I've filled it with gelatine and champagne.......bubbly jelly.....tickles!!! Heeee HEEEE! Eeeek! Got to get out of there!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:22 PM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!! How did I end up on top of this bloody tree??? And with nothing on except jelly bubbles. HELP!! Get me down from here and back in the tavern!!! This car park is c-c-c-cold...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 04:39 PM

Oops, sorry Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 08:40 PM

Oh thank heaven for that.   I thought it was going to be me up there again.....

Lynne, we'll send you up a food parcel and some clean knickers once a week. OK?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Amazing Rutherford
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 09:43 PM

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Woman in tree top.

GOOD! Eat GOOD! Woman come to Rutherford. Rutherford EAT! Yum!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:07 AM

Ewwwwww. . .

This is what I tried to say earlier (I looked at the source code--it is there, but for some reason doesn't show up)

"Oops, sorry Lynne" (for some reason the "marquee" html doesn't work today)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 06:56 AM

Working fine for me and was there when I first saw it some time ago....

So what about the Panto for this year then?

Robin

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 08:02 AM

Look guys...I don't mind sitting on top of the tree, but can it be the one INSIDE, not the old one in the car park??? And yes please Liz to the food parcel, but what about the DRINK!!!???? And the clean knickers are a bit irrelevant due to where the tree is......

I was going to say something to the Amazing Rutherford about squid...but on second thoughts.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Oaklet
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 10:21 AM

...er hello, I am from England and would like to enquire about rooms. Do you have accomodation? You do - ah good......pardon, how long? Yes....er....right.....I was thinking about... er... 'til the end of January 2005 or slightly after - you know, 'til it all blows over. Oh that's good. Again? - Ah, If it's ok with you, I'd like the room at the front - I don't want to be disturbed by that woman stuck in the tree. Porter? er no thanks It's ok - I only have a small bag. I'll manage. Thanks. Er, no newspaper thanks. And no alarm call please - don't worry - I'll know when it's January.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 11:08 AM

Maybe one of the guys would hand me that little Swede hook behind the bar (in the cupboard back there, see it?) and I'll go lop the limbs off of the old tree and chunk it into pieces. They'll smell good in the fireplace now that they've dried for a year. They might pop and spark a little so be sure the fireplace screen stays in place.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 12:59 PM

Just be really careful which limbs you're chopping off there SRS!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:13 PM

Maybe it's time to get out of the old tree, put on some clothes, and come inside for a drink, Lynne! How'd you end up there, anyway? You weren't in it when it was launched through the skylite.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 07:50 PM

Oak, how about getting your small bag a drink... she looks thirsty.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 08:54 PM

Singed nuts, broken balls, and an angel with a tree stuck up her...and I thought I had problems.
Refill on the JD please and I will retreat to my corner and help Rapaire finish off that half-assed waxing job on his chest. Tweezers, please. I will sterilize them in the bourbon.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Dave Wynn
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 09:28 PM

Oh...here it is......Kicks open the door. looks around.....orders half a pint of Guinness and jello with a Glenmorangie top. Licks his own balls (coz he can) and sticks his head as far as it will go up his own arse. Wonders what the F# is a Middle Bar Singer doing with a foot of Spruce stuck up the jacksie....nods to the room and kicks off Fields of Athenry in F#Maj. Dogs and Dolphins only please. All around the room.............

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 09:59 PM

11/16. Gotta play in 11/16. What the...G-flat???!!! Nobody plays in G-flat! What the hell's the fingering for G-flat? 2nd valve? Good Lord, I'll have to go look this one up. Glad I'm getting off the painkiller, 'cause now I can start to suck up the Talisker eventually. 11/16 and G-flat. What's the world coming to?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 03:27 AM

Let's give the Xmas carols a rest boys & girls, what's on the juke box? Let me see...
Ah, yes, that's better...
Sound of Bessie Smith singing "At the Christmas Ball" wafts through the air and in the corner a ragged old man joins in on battered washboard and kazoo, a tin cup at his feet.

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 10:48 AM

Well SRS, I was just bending over......... Thanks for the invitation, someone give me a hand.....NOT there Oak!! Oooh, this tree is awfully prickly. Ahhh that's better. Ok, where's that drink? And I could do with a bowl of warming soup.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 11:31 AM

Pining away in the parking lot, eh, Lynne? LTS has had some pretty gruesome adventures in the christmas tavern, maybe you two should have a couple of stiff drinks and compare notes.

Anyway, now the tree is reduced to small logs and slim twigs to drop in the fire. It'll make the place smell great, also, but keep the fireplace doors closed or you'll have sparks popping out all over the place.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Dead Horse
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 06:43 PM

Is there a tv set in here? I want to see how the insects are coping with all them celebs foisted upon 'em in Aussieland.
And could some kind soul lower the optics please?
It is difficult judging where to lie beneath them when they are so high on the wall. I got some Snodrogs in my eye just now, and it smarts!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 06:50 PM

My god, Lor, you're one for the tall tales. Someone pour me some scotch and tell me it's apple juice so I can drink it in front of my fellow Quakers....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: rumanci
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 06:52 PM

Sorry DH
Latest regulations........optics must be set at the optimum height for the licensee to get a permanent crick and to suffer agonies of "will it - won't it" putting up those giant gold watch ringers........sigh......... and there's you thinking it was just the punters who suffer from miserable pub land(person?)itis - huh !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

Done tweezing Rapaire. Now, how about you Lynne? Any pine needles in need of extraction? No? OK, not a problem.

Amanda - what are you doing in here? You're still logged on in the Chat Room and everyone thinks you're a snob.Too good for them...

Time to hang some balls? I claim the blue ones, the rest of you are on your own.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 07:54 PM

I was more popular when I wan't there than I've ever been in my life. I'm talking now - I signed in at 3 am in a bout of insomnia, then went to bed and didn't return to my computer until 5 and saw the carnage in Mudchat. :) Looks like I was good for some entertainment.

You'll find me many things, (absent minded, most of all!) but never a snob,I hope! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: mg
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 08:51 PM

and in comes the robot dressed to look like the little drummer boy. he knows only one song and it is the little drummer boy. there is no off button. the remote is somewhere in siberia. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 08:59 PM

Amanda - I have met you. Went to dinner with you and InObu in NYC at an Ethiopean restaurant. Definitely not a snob.

Now what are we going to do about the Little Drummer Boy? Into the Jell-o pit with him? SPHLOCCK!!!! Bar Rump Pum Pum Pum... DeadHorse, just the right amount of peppercorns up his battery should put an end to the noise. WAIT! Watch out for the guy cooling his scorched nuts in the Jell-O. Damn! Too late...sorry

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:07 PM

Must have been another InObu friend! I haven't been eaten Ethiopean in NYC yet. Hmm. Should remedy that. But although I'm not that particular non-snob, I'm still a non-snob.
;)

*peers at the jello-mess* As if I needed another reason to stay away from Jello Shots...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: mg
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM

batteries are only there to fool people. There is another energy source that humankind hasn't really figured out yet. If you throw him far away, he will find his way back. If you try to blow him up, he will get very upset. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:41 PM

Well belly on up next to me there My Guru, How's it going? I don't remember an incident but I don't remember yesterday either. Let me pour you a shot of this Traditional tequila, cut some plum up and talk about the forgiving nature of a drunken bassoon player.
Oh I didn't tell you I was playing the bassoon this year? Yes indeed I am the Christmas bassoonist. I promise I will learn as fast as I can and play all of our favorite Christmas carols just for Dead Horse. If I can't quite learn the bassoon that fast, let's talk about the forgiving nature of a drunken tambourine player and I'll give up the bassoon to whoever wants to play.
By the way, that was pretty cool the way that tree flew up and out and caught MBSLynne. That must have been a strange trip.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 09:45 PM

Hi Sinsull:
That was Genie, the wee wifee! BUT DO come to our next gig, at the Friends Meeting House on Jan 1, (by then the Mudcat Taven will be put away for a year...) and hear Amanda sing The New Brunswick Drummerboy... and Mailli Dhonn and other great things... here's some "apple juice" Amanda, just pull up a chair next to the monkey.
Cheers and this isn't white wine, it's grape juice... eh hem...
Lor

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 11:19 PM

Get yer bloody hand off my knee Oak!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 01:38 AM

A ruggedly handsome man with square chin, long locks of golden yellow, straight nose, and a body that went well with his attire, a loin cloth with an adorned body of peacock feathers entered from the northern door.
He was carrying a washboard, and two gallon jars.
He yells out a howdy to everyone and set one of his jars of homegrown picked eggs in the middle of the bar and cracked it open for everyone.
Then he moves back over toward Rustic, gives her a big hug and sets the second jar of pickled squid in front of her and says, I finally made it. That squid was one tough little slime bitch but I got her. Merry Christmas.
Rustic (me) laugh gently and cracks open the jar. Digs right in with her fingers and gets the first lovely morsel and chuckles to herself, knowing exactly where this squid has been before.
She eats another morsel, hand feeds Basil (the loined clothed manly man of the north) and offers some to My guru, then passes it down the bar.
Rusic then pours Basil a tequila and they settle in and start to play, Basil on washboard Rusic on the bassoon-All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
I say to My guru, I hope I can leave this joint with my two front teeth, as I glance at Dead Horse. The night is early.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 05:58 AM

The night may be early but the pizza is late..... where is my mushroom, olive and pineapple medley?!

And can someone explain just why there is a squid in the Christmas tree?

Hang on... that's not a squid.....


Ah!!! It's you Oak, didn't recognise you with those glasses on.....

You really should stop wearing those Elton John frames you know.... you'll get a name for yourself!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 07:54 AM

In the corner where Sorcha Dorcha is flaking out the tunes...
Dick "Scott" Cheney is drinking lemonaid, Amanda is drinking apple juice Lorcan is drinking grape juice, but they are playing faster and laughing more uncontrollably... and twisting the words to Christmas Carols and ballads together, so good King Wenscelslaus has just been ship wreacked on Anderson's Coast... so to sober them up, Katlaughing brings them large mugs of coffee, prepaired by Big Mick, so after several sips, all three tip over backwords, eyes shut, big smiles, and Big Mick tosses the empty bottle of Jamison's out the front door.
Cheers
Lor
Ta Mick and Kat... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:28 AM

only two shopping days left until Hannukka! (I never can spell that right!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:40 AM

Hannukah - ya have to KCHUU like you're launching a loogie - as heard on the Rugrats....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:43 AM

sorta like when singing "Hawk! the Herald Angels sing!"?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Amazing Rutherford
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:58 AM

Woman gone. Tree gone. Nothing left. Amazing Rutherford still hungry.

Wait. Noise. Little thing making noise of drummer boy. Amazing Rutherford EAT!


(Sounds of crunching, munching, bunching, trunching, and clunching.)


BURP!


Not real good. Amazing Rutherford have heartburn.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: My guru always said
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:25 AM

Mmmmmmmm, pickled squid, deeelicious!!! (Wonder what it's name was?) Tequila too - any chance of a Baileys chaser? purrrred the MadCat, comfortably perched on Rustic Rebel's shoulder.

That nasty de-clawing sure has helped the poor Kitty stay out of trouble so far, but she feels she's losing her grip. Ah, but that's situation normal here. Thankfully she still has most of her teeth and is looking forward to MMario's culinary delights. Unfortunately, the 'Black Hole Time-Warp BBQ' hasn't appeared out back, so the Filet isn't even started yet.

The MadCat settles down to her Tequila & Baileys thrumming her paws in time to the Music. Hey, what's that then? A bassoon eh? Interesting choice, but don't forget to take a Sip now & again.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:53 AM

That's not the Amazing Rutherford....it's Cookie Monster!! I've hardly touched the alcohol yet and I'm seeing weird blue monsters!!! What is IN this stuff??? Or is it that purple smoke drifting out of the fireplace   m o r e    s l o w l y    t   h   a   n         
s       m      o    k    e                  o    u    g    h    t
toooooooooooooooo.......................

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Thisbe
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:43 AM

Hi, I was here for a little while last fall, but, well, had to leave in a hurry. I just can't stay away, the Mudcat Tavern is too compelling a place to reside. I'd like to move into that coat closet or perhaps a spare room off of the Recovery Ward. I met Ratched--she's . . . well. . . interesting. My name? It's Thisbe (seemed best to draw on literature this time round), and I'm waiting for my Pyramus to arrive one of these days. Meanwhile, may I serve you a drink?

Do I see you stirring your coffee with your thumb, InOBU?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 12:26 PM

I'm a librarian logger and I stir MY coffee with my whole hand!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 02:08 PM

Lorcan sits up, the remains of his Mick made coffee is puddled on his cheast... he stirs said remains with his thumb... smiles... licks his thumb and passes out again.

Genie arives with Sinsull, takes a broom... sweeps up the band, shoves Lorcan's head into the bob for apples barrel, changes his shirt, gives the monkey a roll of TUMS (registered trademark) strapps his Uilleann pipes about him, and Sorcha Dorcha is ready for the next set... Genie then stirs Rapaire's hand with her coffee...

Cheers Lorcan

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

el_punkoid started to shiver, as his path to the fire was blocked by some bird picking pine needles out of her bum.

"Hey guys - it's getting chilly here! Let's throw a little more wood on this fire" he said, reverting to his former pyromanic tendencies.

He scrabbled through the growing crowd around the fireplace, until he reached the log basket.

"Mmmmm - good wood here. ooh look - a nice bit of willow - that'll get things going nicely. Oh, and a couple of logs of applewood - wow that'll give a pleasing smell - we'll chuck those on!"

He scrabbled a bit further in the log basket.

"Hey - let's throw these bits of oak on!!!!!!!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 04:13 PM

Duck sticks his head over the parapet of the Minstrel's Gallery.
"It's a bit quiet in here tonight!"
Looks around again and spots sombody attempting to throw Oaklet onto a roaring fire.
"Well!! - at least there might be some space in the Hot Tub....."


He lowers a rope attached to a glass in a basket-weave sling which holds it upright. The barkeeper fills it with a large pint (Imperial measure rather than U.S.) of dark liquid with a hint of nutmeg and cinnamon..... and beer - of course. The Duck then gently hauls it upwards, muttering something like "Heave up - and wash their noses..." just too quietly for it to be really distinguishable. He then returns to the relative quiet of the East Gallery - the West Gallery is too full of people singing.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 04:14 PM

Huummmmm smell of applewood.... HEY!!! WHose recorders are those in the fire....! PUNKOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Wuzzle
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 04:38 PM

What manner of place is this I have stumbled upon. Is there a welcome jug of ale (or two, well maybe three) for a weary traveller? And what manner of bird was it that sat in yonder tree,

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 06:19 PM

Were it in the Wurzle Tree, doz tha be the tree tha asks of me, and if it be, what birdie be t'bird ta' sees, an doz it bee t' bird t'asks of me?

hic
Lor

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 07:13 PM

OK, everybody got your *Christmas Revels Songbook* open to the rounds pages?? Let's start on the second page (of rounds), that has all the peace ones. "Allelujah" is fun ... we got about two dozen now; we can drown out the rowdies if we try ... oh, er, they is us ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 07:14 PM

spring has sprung,
the grass is ris.
I wonder where the birdies is?

Damn, wrong season....

Amanda leaves off the muttering of poetry and gives her bandmates, on snoring and one babling, to their disgrace in the corner, and goes for a refill of "apple juice"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:32 PM

chritsmas is a big rip off., and shouled be abolished.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:35 PM

make mine another coffee from Big Mick... (I say holding up three fingers...)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Dead Horse
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:47 PM

I warned you carollers. I got me (t)rusty 12 bore loaded with $2 dollar shot. It was buck shot, but the price of peppercorns went up, owing to a fire at the factory. I was lucky to get this lot on e-bay.
O.K. Who wants pepperin'?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 08:48 PM

Amanda lines three of Big Mick's coffees up in front of Lor and nudges Cheney with her food. "Friend? Would thee like another drink?"

She takes a dainty sip of scotch...er...apple juice, and turns to Sir John.

"Tell me more about the attrocities of Yule?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:30 PM

Gruummplefus?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:43 PM

I agree with Sir jOhn. This year I intend to celebrate Festivus. Festivus for the Restivus!

Where can I set up the Aluminum Pole? I think I'll have a few more drinks before voicing my annoyance with various individuals for their stupidity this year. And if we can just push the Jell-O pit over a few feet, there will be plenty of room for physical combat later.

YUCCHHH! Who put jellied squid in the pit? It stinks!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:58 PM

Gently, he reaches into his possibles bag and pulls out...a lute! A rosewood lute! He carefully caresses its strings, calling forth the wine-dark sound, and cranking up his voice he bursts forth with the traditional carol of his Season:

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense, 'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So, let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:16 PM

Amanda applauds, considers singing "Grandma got runover by a raindeer", reconsiders.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:21 PM

Nightbird looks upward and smiles "Oh, please don't." as he hears Oaklet bellowing "NIghtshirt! Get me some fookin' water! Put me out!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: DougR
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:33 PM

DougR saunters into the Christmas Tavern, expecting only hostility. A hush falls over the room as the Christmas revelers recognize the reviled political conservative who has invaded their midst. He walks boldly to the bar and orders a drink on the house for everybody. After all, it is a time for reflection and celebration, not a time for airing differences. Turning to the crowd, DougR says, "A Merry Christmas to all, and a very Happy New Year besides!."

He downs his Guinness and walks into the cold, cold night.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:37 PM

"Just for you, I'll hold it in..." she smiles at Chris and notices out of the corner of her eye than in all the rumpus, Larry's precious hat has fallen off and the still unconcious Cheney is lying flat on it.

"Erm...'scuse me for a second..." she looks around for something sutible for use as a lever.

*in a stage whisper*

"Um...could someone give me a hand with this before Lor notices?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:40 PM

Keep the lute and the hat away from Punknoid.... or it will wind up in the fire with the recorders!!!!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Cluin
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:28 AM

Ahem.......

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Mama in her teddy and I in the nude,
We had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my hard-on, and Mama went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
"Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee."

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, so I'll stay for a while."
He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.

"This stuff ain't for kids; Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em all here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked inside his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
So he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, and took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf... this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy: you can't wear it out!"


*bow*

Thenkyew. Muss b' leavinow

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 03:29 AM

MBSLynne, now clad in a bright red, fur trimmed dressing gown, helpfully pushes Oaklet into the jello-pit. The jello starts to bubble gently. "Hmmm..." she muses. Looking round, she seizes some cranberries and cinnamon and throws them into the pit, then adds some rather nice home-made elderberry wine. "There we are...that will go nicely with the roasted nuts!!...Mulled jello!!!" Turning round, she shoves Sir jOhn in as well...he could do with loosening up a bit!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:09 AM

Cluin, on your way out, could you drop by my house, I've got some tinsel that needs buffing......


Here's a thing.. been looking for some new underwear.. found all the girls fluffy red and white stuff,.... all bras and panties and teddies.... couldn't see a single pair of Santa's Boxers... no fur trimmed Yfronts... not even a Rudolph posing pouch.... where is all the naughty underwear for girlies? Come on... we NEED to see willies dressed up as Christmas trees....

Oaklet, that isn't big and it isn't clever. Especially the former.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Oaklet
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:20 AM

I know - but you have to admit that it is shiny.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:18 AM

Yeeesssssssssssss... Oak...... What, and I ask this with a due sense of caution, nay, trepidation.... what HAVE you been doing with it.... Did you get lacquered? I mean, I've seen many shapes and sizes in my life, I've played with several, but I've never held one that was that shiny.. Is it the rich patina of age and handling, or was it coated for an occasion?

It's a beauty though....

Whilst I've got hold of you, Bassic is on his way home with the money I owe you... Sorry it's all in 50p pieces. Thanks for providing such a splendid service, quick, but satisfying.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM

Hee hee hee! What MBSLynne forgot is that if you add burning things to alcohol, they tend to go...

EVERYBODY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:34 AM

That explains what happened to the Christmas pudding I had over there then...... did anyone get hit by a ballistic pudding bowl, showering currants, cherries and bits of holly? It would have smelt strongly of rum.......

Pretty good record over the years so far.... 1 pudding burnt for 20 mins, 1 pudding burnt not as long as the cats' arse but smelt better and 1 pudding burnt a hole in the roof on its way into orbit.... Hmmm... maybe I'm using too much gravy browning......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:53 AM

Meanwhile by the bar...

"Come on now Sorch! I've already had 4 pints 'o Guinness."

"Hey, Nightshirt! Come on in, and join us! This jello really is some fun! Ha ha... it tickles. John, wake up..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:14 AM

el_punkoid stood by the window, looking at the remains of the jello pit, while Oak and Sir jOhn steamed gently.

"Do they smoke after sex?" he chortled insanely.

Then he spied MBSLynne, her vermine trimmed red coat covered in dripping jello. "You...again..." she snorted...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:45 AM

how is it these things always seem to get out of hand? oh - mudcats. silly question!

Anyone have a cracker or a slice of good rye bread? The first filet is ready to slice and consume!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 10:37 AM

Carefully he refolds the lute (it's hinged) and replaces it in his possibles bag. Carefully he arises and carefully slips in the jello spatters and falls on his face. And carefully he has rendered himself unconscious.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: My guru always said
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 11:33 AM

Gracefully descending from her perch, the MadCat carefully slinks across to MMario with a hungry look in her eye. Losing her grip on the floor in an occasional splat of Jello she tries the old claw trick for some purchase, but look, no claws!!!!

EEEEkkkkkkk!!!! she shrieks as she scrambles frantically for a foothold, all four paws pointing in different directions with only her tail keeping her upright.

A passing Catter accidently shoves her sideways, she gathers momentum & heads straight for the Christmas Tree! Oh no, not the Christmas tree again, she thought, closing her eyes & caterwauling at all & sundry!

Straight under the braches, hitting her head on the truck, the MadCat is now unconcious & dreaming of Flutterbys.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Limpit
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:05 PM

Is there any Sprite in there? Mummy says I can stay up for a bit if you don't say any naughty words.

Can I play with the kitty under the tree please?

Limpit

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:20 PM

well - it means we won't be talking anywhere near as much as normal, but for you, we'll do it, Limpit!


regarding the cat - only if you sign this waiver realeasing all present from any damages. she may be declawed - but we had to leave her teeth in!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM

It's Limpit who needs to be watched... remember what she did to Dave Bryant last time they met?! He had trouble explaining THAT scar to the nurses!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Emma B
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:38 PM

Had an attack of Munchies on my way, called at Terry's for tea and some Cad bury'd my keys under the Roses ----ouch the Thorn tons those!
So, I left the Ferrero in the garage and walked - still it's only just After Eight plenty of time to join in the Clebrations with the Bounty of Poppetts that you would expect on a Quality street like this!                                                            Can't say I'm too keen on the Green and Black decorations but they're better than those in Mar's Bar around the corner - when it comes to the Crunch ie's a bit of a Flake although he seems himself as a real Smartie (just 'cos he's got a bit of a twig covered in cotton wool
and Lindt!)but he seems impervious to all the Snickers....
Think i'll treat myself to a single Malt'easer away the cold and, if some one will Rolo ver I'll Nestle down by the fire and Dream
m & m mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:45 PM

Bugger.. I was just about to say that!

: )

(It's OK, Limpit is fast asleep under the tree with a kitty in her lap.... she's had a hard day being a pain...)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:28 PM

He groggily raises his groggy head and groggily notes the kid with the cat. Groggily he says, "That kid needs to learn naughty words so that she can shock her mother, teachers, neighbors, Regimental Sergeant Majors, and teach them to her friends." And he prepares a list of naughty words:

Pus
Pimples
Abcess
Infection
Poop
Nasty
Booger
Septicemia
Politician

Now, he thinks groggily, all the dear little tyke needs to do is to know the secret MOAB code and Mommy Dearest has some explaining to do!

And he groggily returns to unconsciousness.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:40 PM

Rapaire! Wash your mouth out with soup!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 05:13 PM

Well - that got the fire going with a bang! Perhaps we'd better get someone to clean up all the jello splatters...

Meanwhile, epn will sneak up and warm himself by the fire (at last)...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM

Rap - she already knows the words.. this is the child who fell off a chair at 18months old and said 'Oh Bowwocks'.

EPN, is it a good idea to stand with your back to the fire? Remember the last time you ate beans and stood by a nekkid flame.....

I'm going to curl up in the big armchair with my sewing, and listen to a few rare tunes from the corner.... pass the mulled wine and the chocolates please!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:20 PM

Liz, I tried to mull the chocolate, but it all melted! So I guess you'll just have to dunk this fruit and sponge cake into it if you really want it. Or shall I just hunt you up a spoon?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:03 PM

Who needs a spoon? Just pass me the bowl.... I'll do it 'natures' way'....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Elf one
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 02:01 AM

Its ok for you lot....someones got to WORK around here!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 03:51 AM

The derelict in the corner stirs, exhuding a miasma of stale brandy and starts to mumble Leadbelly's "On a Christmas Day",rattling his tin cup hopefully...

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:42 AM

Limpit wakes to find a room full of happy Mucatters nattering away, but it is VERY quite, reaches up to find earphones taped to her head... Someone is holding up the words to the song that Sorcha Dorcha (with Dick Cheney and the Quakers) is singing... so she wont feel left out... the words, on big cards are all about kittins and candy... those who can hear the words ... know that they are all about a dirty night out in Dublin...
Cheers
Lorcan

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Thisbe, with her silver salver
Date: 08 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM

Walking into the room with a large bottle of good red French wine on her salver, Thisbe gazes around in astonishment at the mess in the room. "I have only been away for a few minutes--when that nice DougR came in and bought drinks all around I went to retreive this French Independence wine to serve.

Nurse Ratched was acting a little funny back there near the wine cellar, and wanted to set up the electro-shock machine. I TOLD her it wouldn't work on me, my head is a polymer resin and there is no frontal lobe to shock. . .

The statuesque figure moves through the room offering wine to those who are still upright and who have something resembling a vessel to hold the fine drink. She reaches down to pat the head of the child under the tree, and asks quietly "would you like to help decorate the tree? Most of the ornaments are up on the rafters, and the kitties and ducks can help you, but there is a box of stuff behind the bar also. And while you're at it, the Nissetroll needs to be made comfortable in someplace where she can guard the tree but not be seen by most of the crowd. Up in the rafters, I think. She has a big job ahead of her! Look--there's a harness you can try out. Moonglow can show you how to put it on." Visions of a manic Peter Pan performance drift through the empty chamber of Thisbe's cranium. . .

"Mr. Rapaire, may I assist you to your feet? Let's find you a place next to this nice lady in the thong and red fur-lined teddie."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:01 AM

Amanda raises her eyebrows, first indepentantly, then together, and silently points to the new arrival, an honest-to-gosh fully-decked out from ten-gallon-to-spurs shurrif. The man gasps, fall to his knees, and extends THIS .

"Scuze.....me....ya'll...*gasp*...has...*gasp*...anybody seen this...this...MONSTER?!??!


Suddenly everyone in the room realizes the sherrif is two feet tall.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amanda Plain and Tall
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:02 AM

(What dirty night out in Dublin? What did I miss??!?! ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:36 AM

Seem to be missing all the action, had to go and do some intensive Christmas shopping. Still it's all over now and I've even managed to wrap both the presents. Glad I kept those festive sweet wrappers, they did the job a treat. Also managed to get some needle rash ointment for Lynne, not that she's feeling much after all that alcohol and jello.

Just been served by a waiter with frogs legs.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:51 AM

BRILLIANT POSTER !!!! Good youve sobered up Amanda!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 11:31 AM

Yes, I sobered up Amanda. It wasn't easy mind you as her trifle had been over sherried and the last 5 portions had proved too much for her. I won't of course say how I did it as the reindeer involved shall remain nameless.

Can't say that I'm overly keen on these frog's legs, terribly difficult to keep them on the plate. Garlic sandwich anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:05 PM

Duck's head appears over the parapet!
"Oi Frisbee"!
"You may have a plastic head you can skim across the room, but that doesn't entitle you to 'Volunteer' us web-footers for child minding."
"I've known Squeakie Minor for long enough to know you don't aproach Limpet without suitable body armour."
"By the way - why is Squeakie covered head to foot in chocolate?"
"Barkeep - that reminds me - have you a barrel of Young's Chocolate Stout behind the bar. Pour me a good measure and I'll send down the basket! Cheers!"
Quack!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:17 PM

"I had frog legs once," he mutters, "but I had a really good orthopedic surgeon who fixed me right up." And he passes out into the furry thong.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM

Furry Thongs - is Jimmy the Mad Dentist selling them now?
It must be a very accurate crumple to pass out and land in one of those! Do you have to have a colleague hold it out at the correct height?
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 04:00 PM

el_punkoid smirked gently at the thought of furry thongs. "That'd keep me toes nice and warm" he muttered. Mindful of LtS's advice, and having a mildly scorched bum, he sidled away from the fire, and eyed up the heap of recorders in the corner of the bar.

"Nah - done that trick. What this fire needs is a bit more willow - these cricket bats will do nicely, now we've finished the Zimbabwe tour. What we really need is a good pair of bellows."

He looked around the crowd. "Anyone got a concertina? Accordion maybe?" he yelled.

He turned to the bar. "Hey, waiter" he called. "have you got Frogs Legs?"

"Well hop over here with an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!". The punkoid was not reknowned for his sparklingly original wit...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 04:41 PM

Well, it's nice to be able just to settle into a comfy chair for a while and not think about where we're travelling to next! I'd love to know where the tree ornaments came from - never seem any quite that ....... interesting.

All I want is a nice glass of wine, feet up and a snooze for an hour or so. Mmario - those fillets look lovely and did anyone mention squid? Almost as good as lobster.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM

I think the tree decorations were a Waltons Family outtake special - John Boy hanging from his balls on the Christmas Tree....
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:24 PM

Plenty of squid left over in that jar. People know where that squid has been.
Ahh.... it's about time that blasted cat removed itself from my shoulder. I was afraid to move for awhile (remembering a cat a few years ago and it's nasty nature)
Ha ha ha to you Mudcat-No claws- ha ha ha.(It is most deserving)

I can sure smell that those picked eggs got eaten up, don't even need Spaw and the Reg boys to tell you that.
One thing I forgot to mention though, was a little secret ingredient in those eggs. If the lights on the tree start to look like rainbow strobe lights and the frog legs start to dance, well my friends, then you found yourself a good egg.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:47 PM

Gator Sandwich. ugh. nasty stuff. I tried it once in that little joint out Tornado Alley way -- the one with the poster of Donna whats-her-name on the wall.

Now, this smoked salmon from the Pacific Northwest is something else

chocolate stout. Is there a form of alcohol with chocolate in it besides those syrupy licquers? er, liquor -- licquere ... er, never mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:58 PM

Sage was not aware of the (alledged) reputation of the small child Limpit, so engaged her assistance in retreiving the ornaments from the rafters to place on the tree. The jello-daubed harness wasn't needed, and was left dangling near the wall out of sight.

Sorry about no more squid--the last one refused to practice self-immolation and scuttled off to sea. You'll have to do with hot dogs instead.

Jacqui.c, did you check under that chair before you sat down? I think there were a couple of eeeewwwwwwww! you'd better clean your shoes before you try to put them on again. It has been confirmed, there are ducks beneath your chair.

"Thisbe, what is Rapaire doing with that coffee?! He might ruin that leather thing." Winks and says under her breath in the Mudcat secret language:

Considering the possibilities of images, from handbags to thongs and far beyond, my choice was quite moderate!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 04:30 AM

MBSLynne rolls on the floor...helpless with laughter at Geoff the Duck's last posting. Quick someone...give me something alcoholic...I need to catch my breath! And that Pacific smoked salmon sounds JUST the thing I need too....But don't let me look at the Christmas tree or it'll set me off again...snigger...giggle...titter....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 05:25 AM

Just attacking my fourth Double Chocolate Stout (yes there is such a thing and it's extremely moreish) and saw John Boy's balls through somewhat misty eyes. How DID he apply that glitter, if indeed it is glitter. John Boy's alcoholically lifeless hand drops an aerosol can emblazoned with the words "Knacker Lacquer - Adds Lustre to your Cluster".

Ah the smoked salmon, a little pepper and lemon, buttered brown bread, maybe a smidgin of caviar.

John Boy stirs and gazes enviously at MBSLynne now free from her arborial encumbrance. However, even that slight movement lodges the offending branch deeper into it's unwilling receptacle and the resulting tears once more cloud his sight. Millions of TV viewers rejoice, it's payback time.

God! those pickled eggs.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:03 AM

Ah my good pal Punkinoid... I'll lend thee my concertina... but thee must promise quite faithfully not to throw it in the fire!
Chheeerrzzzz Lor

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:33 AM

Damn Mingulay! Just as I was calming down...snigger..snort...guffaw..hhaaaahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Oh Gods! I can't breathe!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM

Careful Lynne or you will dislodge that calming suppository from your previously betwigged nether parts and reinsertion is not an option, not without THE SCREENS. Besides, where can we find a hop pole this far from Kent. What's the pole for I hear you say, I'm going to open the top windows. Those pickled eggs.........

Back to my Chocolate Stout and smoked salmon. Playfully cudgel John Boy about the head with a half burnt crumhorn in an attempt to stifle the moans which are drowning out the singaround in the snug.

A banjo starts up in the corner. It is soon stopped by removing the rotor arm and battery. Its operator is hung by the scrotum as a warning to others.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:29 AM

"Moose Drool," he whispers, with a furry tongue and a furry mouth and a furry head. "Moose Drool, please. I really need Moose Drool."
And he falls backwards, landing on top of (and in the middle of the leavings of) several ducks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Amazing Rutherford
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:39 AM

Woman gone. Tree gone. Amazing Rutherford go to make Christmas whoopee with Wendigo. Now Amazing Rutherford gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM

Rutherford was last seen pole vaulting through the door in hot pursuit of woman shouting "where did Wendigo?". Woman sneaks back in and is found looking admiringly at tree decoration. Meanwhile Rutherford is pogoing his way to the forest hoping for a deep snowdrift when he spots the rear end of a moose directly in his path at the end of this trajectory...........

A four legged squid on crutches clunks his way into the bar throws a hula hoop onto the counter and says "my round I think". He retreives a dustbin lid and two bottle tops in change and, complaining about the prices compared to the Legion, immerses himself in jello.

A nightingale sings in Berkeley CA.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:26 AM

This recipe looks tasty. Anyone know how uch hare I'd need to server 250?

Christmas hare
Zajac swiateczny

4 lb hare
bottle white dry wine
1pint sour cream
3 tbsp butter
2 tablespoon oil
2 tablespoon flour
1/2 ham - diced
1/2 lb mushrooms
10 small onions
1 teaspoon sugar
thyme, bay-tree leaf, fresh parsley
2 cloves of garlic, salt, pepper, juniper, basil

Cut the hare into portions. Cut the onions into cubes and add to the wine. Add salt, pepper, spices and a tablespoon of oil. Mix and add to the hare. Leave for 8 hours in a cool place. Then take out the meat, leave it for a while, fry in oil and 1 tbsp butter. When the hare is well fried, sprinkle it with flour. Once again add the wine, thyme, parsley, garlic and salt and pepper. (reserve the onions) Cook under a lid for about an hour.
Dice the mushrooms and fry in 1 tbsp butter. Fry onions in remaining butter with sugar. Now put the hare in a heat resistant pot, mix the sauce with sour cream, add ham, onions, and mushrooms, pour the sauce over the hare and cook, covered until soft. Add a tablespoon of flour to the sauce to thicken. Serve over toast points, potatoes, rice ,polenta or noodles.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:28 AM

el_punkoid picks up InOBU's conertina, and smiles gratefully (a fatal think from a punkoid). "Does this thing give a good breeze?"

He pulls and squeezes the box, and jumps back in amazement at the appalling sound it emits. "Holy flamethrowers!" he cries, doing his best impersonation of a certain caped crusader's assistant.

His jump heralds further disasters, as he lands on a particularly sloppy bit of jello mixed with the reminders of duck presence. As he struggles to regain his balance, he throws the concertina - by sheer luck managing not to land it in the fire. He, on the other hand lands at the base of the Christmas tree, his hand on a round aerosol canister.

el_punkoid picks the canister up. "KnackerLaquer" he says. "Aerosol can". He pauses, momentarily deep in thought.

"That tina was no help in boosting this fire. Butane propellant though - just what any self respecting pyro needs!"

The punk climbs onto his knees, and crawls, and starts to crawl firewards. "Hey guys - I could use a whisky as well" he calls...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:38 AM

If you can't find enough rabbit, try this recipe instead (since you only need one bison, the shopping would be much easier):

Yanasa Gunvhi
(Cherokee Buffalo Stew)
Buffalo meat is very tasty, and has less fat than beef.

2 lbs of buffalo stew meat, cut into 1-inch cubes
24 wild onions
4 qts wild game stock or water
2 lbs of wild tubers such as yucca
1 Tbsp sage
Salt

Brown the buffalo cubes on high heat until seared (about 3 min.) Add 4 quarts of water, tubers, onions, and sage, and boil until ingredients are tender. Remove from fire and place into baking dish. Bake at 425 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and salt to taste.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:42 AM

Not WHISKEY! Cries Amanda Plain and Tall, realizing that it is Punkinoid's intent to put out a wee fire started next to the grate, here throw this on it... APPLE JUICE! ...... WOOOOOOOOFFFFFF! she tosses the apple juice (whiskey... see earlier part of thread) Lorcan jumps up to help, putting his head through.... oh... there's the phone.... tell you in a....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:54 AM

John Boy alerted by a prescence at the base of tree stares down in horror at the sight below. A mad punk covered in jello crawls toward the fire canister in hand, chaos in mind. John Boy knows the power of the aerosol contents only too well, with added flame who knows......

The concertina after describing a perfect arc through the air lands on the face of a slumbering drunk, who, thinking it some kind of bug, throws it off herself only for it to land on the punk's hand thus dislodging the can which rolls under a chair. John Boy faints with relief. Too many nuts have been scorched already.

Four waiters stagger in with a huge hare pie, steam rising from its crust. They are closely followed by several hares protesting about the making and consumption of pies.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:55 AM

Picking himself up, slipping several times in the...duck leavings, he downs the Moose Drool and gasps out, "Afterburner!"

The barmistress knows what is needed, though she fears what is coming, and hands him a mixture of 151 proof rum and grain alcohol -- and a butane lighter. "Point it away from the drapes and try not to singe Limpit," she says.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 12:56 PM

Sage decides that the steaming hot tub out on the covered back patio looks like a quiet retreat from the chaos inside the tavern. Picking up her bag with the swim suit and fluffy towel and robe, she heads for the infamous Mudcat women's room to change. "Gotta remember not to get near that third stall, that's the one where Liz got stuck a couple of years ago."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 03:01 PM

MMario - if you need to expand the Hare Stew exponentially I expect that Frizbee can use her connections to borrow a Cornucopia to cook it in. You'll have to keep it quiet though, I dread to think what sort of scenes we'd get if Oaklet and company hear that somebody has got a "horn of plenty"....

Barkeep - by the way - who IS behind the bar this year? I like to have a face to attach to a name....
Anyway, whoever you might be, can you pour MAG a glass of the Young's Double Chocolate Stout and a round of their Christmas Pudding Ale for the rest of the company. BLICKY HERE You'll have to navigate to the beers yourself...

And I don't understand why people are complaining about Duck leavings. About the only thing I've ever left in here is empty glasses.....
Mind you - if somebody offered to refill them...............
Quack!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 05:27 PM

Who'da thunk it--I entered "duck poop" in Google images and got this. Of course, the image doesn't convey the slipperyness, the size or the smell. . . this is of the avian kind of duck, naturally!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:31 PM

OK, here comes the super green clean machine, which squirts water and sucks it up again. A quickie all around the floor.

Have to get rid of the smell before I discover chocolate stout. wow.

Can it get it in Portland, OR.?

Round singers are taking a break. will resume shortly.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM

Thanks, MAG! I was just about to post a query about how the place could have been so clean 10 days ago and in such a state now! It just needed a little TLC (Terrific Licquor Concentration). Ask the barkeep if he'll pass along one of those hard apple ciders to the hot tub, please!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:58 AM

(long phone call! Outer Mongolia, lost Friend, needed directions, on foot, to Katmando... wanted to stay on the phone till he got there...)... the back of dick Cheney's guitar... head poping out the sound hole. "Ah JAZUS will ye look at all this ree rah!" says Lorcan... "we need to slow all this down!" So, with Cheney's guitar still around his neck, he picks up his own, and plays as Amanda sings, leaving the Monkey House... (Lyrics posted in the music threads).
Cheers - glad the fire was put out while I was on the phone
Lor

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:43 PM

The punkoid looked around him.

"Hey - where's everyone gone suddenly? It's a bit quiet in here - maybe they're watching out-takes from the Waltons... Or are they all in the hot tub washing off the jello flavoured duck empties?"

Even the resident carol singers were quiet.

Quietly, he begins to hum, and then sing...

"It was Christmas Eve, Babe..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:41 PM

Sage invited Moonglow to join her, and they are soaking in the hot water of the hot tub, enjoying the dark, cool night air surrounding the steaming water. There are a couple of cats, Siamese-mixes, perched happily on the edge of the tub, the calico trying to delicately groom the wet hair when it moves close to her.

The jello was apparently contained within the building, and judging from the green rivulets running across the pavement from the front and side doors, the hose-down seems to have done the trick for the inside.

"Is there anything left to eat in there?" one of the women shouts towoard the open doorway. It that cute cook hasn't slipped back into an Elizabethan time-warp, maybe he still has some fresh rabbit stew.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:52 PM

Nothing much was going on, and so, on the Seventh Day, he rested.

Just as he had been doing the previous six.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 04:48 PM

Right, Limpit and I are back from the wilds of Norfolk and are ready to party... just as soon as I recover from last Friday - 40yrs old with a dicky ticker is NOT the time to start going to rock gigs!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:56 PM

Sorry - it wasn't an elizabethean time warp this time - just a Victorian one! But I brought back a bunch of figgy pudding, a big bowl of Wassail and all the leftovers from Clara Hollywells Christmas party. Mrs. O'Hara (the Hollywell's housekeeper) got a bit carried away - so there's a crown roast of venison; two untouched roast goose, some excellent pigeon pie and and entire tureen of lobster bisque!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 11:09 PM

Ooooh--fix us up a nice tray and have Thisbe bring it out, would you? And maybe Liz and Limpit would like to join us out in the tub. A mother/daughter soak sounds nice.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:53 AM

SRS - she's 8... she'll bring her Barbie mermaid, the Baby Born bathable baby doll, several rubber duckies and some unsavoury habits with her.... do you really want to share?

Now I, on the other hand have learnt to get out of the bath to pee.... but I insist on there being lots of bubbles and a vanilla scented candle.

However, the food will have to wait.. I've got 16lbs to lose before next month's surgery (or else they'll not be able to find the right place)... hang on though.... remove the pastry from the pigeon pie take the fatty skin off the goose - hey, it's all Atkins friendly - I can scoff the lot! (Oddly enough, my mothers' pet name for me when I was little... her pigeon pie.... could this be why I hate the damn birds now? Only good pigeon is a squab, with hollandaise!).

Now.. where did those carol singers go?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:21 AM

Did you sit on those carol singers by mistake? I heard a distinct squishy sound.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:42 AM

YAAAYYYYYYYY!!! 200th Post!!!

MINE, MINE, all !!!

LTs

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:03 AM

Brrrr! That cold air hits hard when you get out of that hot tub. Glad to be back inside for a hot toddy. I hear the Canadians are in and in good voice singing their one and only carol "We Three Kings of Ontario are".

Ah, lunch. I think the lobster bisque followed by pigeon pie and maybe just a morsel of christmas pud. Thankfully the jello has all gone now, swept out with the empty shell that was once John Boy Walton. That Knacker Lacquer was fading fast at the end, I think in future we'll try the ACME "BOLLOCK BRITE" and the festive headed thumb tacks.

Getting close now. Time to do the Christmas shopping.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

You have a point, Liz. Better keep her royal behindness bundled up inside then. But what happened to the carolers? Who sat on them?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:46 AM

so that's why they've been singing 'Lo how a rear descending?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM

And exactly what's wrong with rubber duckies in the hot tub, may I ask? I take MY rubber duckies with me whenever I get into the water, including my morning shower. After all, they saved my life once and it's the least I can do for them.

Maybe you just don't have a good relationship with your rubber duckies.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:15 PM

No duckies...but I do have a red rubber rabbit who is my best friend.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM

Liz - I think the Carol Singers went off like a damp squab....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM

Grroooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn....

Limpit is tucked up asleep again.... she does things to a rubber duckie that ought not be witnessed by any ornithologist....   she won't even let me sing the song....

All together now....

Rubber Duckie, you're the one,
You make bathtime lots of fun,
Rubber Duckie I'm awfully fond of you....

boe doe dodi-oe...


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Susan A-R
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 12:06 AM

Ah, now this is civilized, lobster bisque and a nice pint of amber ale. I've got some yummy fresh pears, perfectly ripe, just the thing after a nice rich meal. A little juicy on the fiddle strings, but things seem a little mellow in here for a tune anyway, not bad after a long day.   I'd consider the hot tub, but I'd fall asleep and drown at this point. I'll just cheer the duck races from the sidelines.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:16 AM

Don't mind me I'm just sneaking up on the cats and squawking my bassoon. Ha! Did you see that sucker jump?
Oh! Ha! that one fell right in the hot tub. That cat can scream, scared the hell out of it. Sorry folks in the tub, I didn't mean to scare you too. Good thing the cat's declawed huh?
Come kitty, kitty. I have some Baileys....SQUAWK......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:43 AM

Wow, I go away for the weekend and the singers have all quit??

I need that hot tub, but no torturing of felines in my presence.

I'll round up whoever wants to sing after a good soak ... zzzz ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:52 AM

*Rubber duckie, you're so fine
And I'm glad that you are mine,
Rubber Duckie you're my very best friend it's truuuuuuuue....

Every day when I make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's cute and yella
and chubby........*

Something very sad about someone my age who knows the words of all the Sesame Street songs...................

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 07:05 AM

Is this duck rubbing some strange Christmas custom that I have previously missed? What happens to the ducks when rubbed, or is that a leading question?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM

Mingulay, I suggest you ask Geoff...he has a rather peculiar smile on his face!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: InOBU
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM

After a brief snooze of some time 47 hours or so, Lorcan wakes up and notices that his feet are very very cold! AND THEY ARE!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:47 AM

So that's why he keeps returning to the hot tub. I thought he'd just lost his soap but then I am going quackers.

As it has gone quiet in here I shall now give a rendition of my new song "Sod off you Hairy Old Pervert" to the tune of Rudolph.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:07 AM

"Whee!" he yells, as he pulls a cord and with a chord 4,376 rubber duckies descend like the balloons at a US political convention. And descend they do, into the hot tub, the jello, the lobster bisque, the punch bowl, and various glasses and cups of liquid.

"Merry Christmas, rubber duckies!" he shouts. "I have set you free!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:20 AM

I'm tempted to give you all a rendition of "Boris the Blue Balled Reindeer" - but maybe I'll save it for Christmas Eve.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:33 AM

Oh no! Look at all these ducks, what fool let them free? Does he not realise that these ducks cannot live without their life support system. They need constant latexing and rubbing and contact with something called a Geoff, who I believe to be their leader. No only that, but 2 have been lost, there are only 4,374 here.

Lorcan also realises that not only are his feet cold, but they are in fact his own feet. This is strange as he thought he had swapped them for a pair of red, sparkly bed socks with a bearded man on a sled.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:56 AM

Aaaacckkkk! Splutter Splash splash splash MMario, you're toast if you set foot out on this deck for the rest of the day!

Where's the squid? I have a job for you! You see all of these duckies? Corral them, please! You see that electric koolaid acid painted bus out at the back of the parking lot? Yeah, that one. Fill it with rubber duckies, please. You know the words. . . move along, little duckies. . . hmmm hmmmm hmmm and Wyoming will be your new home. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM

OOps, soorrry, Mmario--RAPAIRE--You're toast if you come near the tub! (I was still proofing the thing when it accidentally sent the last message--going off half-coded).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:18 AM

I was wondering what I did wrong...

As I was a-soaking one morning in jello,
I spied a duck wrangler a-swimming along.
His head was throwed back and his limbs were a spinning,
As he swam up a-singing this song.

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along, rubber duckies,
It's your misfortune and none of my own,
Whoopee ti yi yo, git along, rubber duckies,
For you know Wyoming will be your new home.

Some fellows they rub a duckie for pleasure,
But that's where they've got it most awfully wrong,
For you haven't an idea the trouble they give us,
As we go a-driving them duckies along.

Whoopee ti yi yo, git along, rubber duckies,
It's your misfortune and none of my own,
Whoopee ti yi yo, git along, rubber duckies,
For you know Wyoming will be your new home

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM

I trust that bus is fitted with all the statutory safety devices necessary for the carriage of rubber wildfowl. To whit, harnesses, belts, nets or other equipment to restrain the said ducks in the event of collision and sufficient seating for said ducks. Are the ducks accompanied by a suitably qualified duckherd? Are they to be issued with high visibility reflective jackets for use during herding?

Love the song MMario, is it based on personal experience?

The squid returns to the tavern muttering about union rates and overwork. Multifooted shouldn't have to mean multitasking and now he's lost his voice shouting at ducks.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:02 AM

I don't care WHAT my siblings tell you - I was *NEVER* a proffessional duck-wrangler. It was strictly a temp summer job - along with the occasional goose gaggling and swan herding.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM

"duck wrangler"

My hearing must be going, I thought they said duck w**ker!

Still, you must admit that swan upping is a bit of a lark. Nearly as much fun as goose gandering. Best to keep it temporary, it can only lead to fowl pest and a withered beak.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:20 PM

A head appears over the parapet from the Minstrels Gallery.
"What's all that commotion down there then???"
"Did I hear my name being taken in vain?"
"Why is that squid back? I thought I'd given him the bus fare back to the docks!"
"And who's that 'Duck Herd' in the reflective jacket? (Probably only a joke to those who live in 'Ull).
It's getting too rowdy in here for us that just want a quiet drink with the odd brass band and chip supper.
He opens the shutters on the far side of the landing and lets a Blue Clicky fly through the window. It rests on an ornately carved pedestal half way along the balcony and sings to anyone who tickles it gently behind its neck.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 04 - 06:14 PM

And he flings back a blue clicky (but not one that's already loaded).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:46 AM

Crow murdering? Chicken flocking? Now THAT one sounds decidedly unsavoury!

You leave this cute little duckie with me! I've become attached to it! *There, there duckie, just let me give you a soothing little rub.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: chris nightbird childs
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 02:56 AM

As they toss the rubber duckie about, Nightshirt passes out his very own Blue Clicky to anyone who'll take it...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 03:56 AM

Boo Hoo! I can't do blue clickies.

Can I have a blue clicky for Christmas please Dad. Can I please. I'll be good all year. PLEAAAAAaaaaaaaaaassssseeeeee!!!

Reels back from cuff round ear and falls on duck on floor. Still, no harm done as woman stroking duck broke the fall. Suddenly surrounded by blue things (some people will do anything to advertise).

The squid sits in a corner begging for the bus fare back to the docks as he spent the first lot on wine, women and thong. At least he thought it was a thong, in reality it was an octopus luggage strap. What an octopus needs luggage for I don't know.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:24 AM

"Squids have the right to bare arms!" he screams and rips off his shirt. "And so do I!"

Unfortunately, his arms are weak and pasty white and, actually, rather disgusting.

From the corner the squid pats his shoulder and mutters, "There, there."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 08:33 AM

He's 'armless really.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:09 AM

Nightshirt...did no one ever tell you that all this self-promotion will make you go blind? Here...grab a duck and sit over there in the corner...you'd be amazed at how soothing it is to rub-a duck!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 09:12 AM

Rapaire - Don't you and the Idaho League have menuevers to go on or something? and *this* year , Do you think you can stop them from using the sleigh as target range practice? The detonations scare the crap out of the reindeer - and Mrs. Santa says the cleaning bills for the suit are getting outrageous - never mind the stench!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 10:43 AM

Squidland Amusement Park. XXX-rated Squid flix. And a song to hum to as you contemplate this squid's life away from the Mudcat Tavern. It's no wonder he likes to hang out here, wrangling ducks or no.
SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 11:27 AM

PIERCAM!!! The new answer to sleeping pills. Yes, if you find Kelpcam too exciting this is the one for you. Ideal for accountants, actuaries and other somnambulent life forms. Not suitable for those suffering from cardiac conditions. No wonder the squid looks pale.

A nightshirt with failing sight gropes his way among the ducks. He now knows what the expression "ducky poos" actually means. His website is now more webshite, still lots of hot water and a stiff brush should clear it up. Wonder if that would work for my keyboard.

##&%]]%$£ whooooooosssshhh. Obviously not!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:08 PM

ACtually, to be totally prosaic and factually correct, there is a job of Swanherd - it's the title given to the chief warden at the Abbotsbury Swannery, this totally incredible place , and for a long time it was a man called 'Lexy' Lexington.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 06:58 PM

And a sad and happy tale of ducks to add to the mix. Be forewarned - some die...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 04 - 07:00 PM

http://www.ralphsteadman.com/03ducks.asp

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:44 PM

Slowly, oh so slowly, quietly, oh so quietly, he carefully reaches for the other rope, a tug upon which will release

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:52 PM

the neck of the net which has in it a thousand pearly red and green balloons, and one piece of holly......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 06:56 PM

...Near's underwear...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Dec 04 - 10:18 PM

cash. Lots of cash. (Might as well join those beavers in Oregon that built their dam out of thousands of dollars in misplaced stolen money!)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM

The water is hot, the air is steamy, but a scrambling fluttering honking noise is suddenly audible over the general din of diners, folk singers, and burning woodwinds.

"You don't suppose. . . naw. . . NO!. . .Rapaire, leave that trap door alone!"

The shout is too late, he pulls the rope.

Squawk!


squawk

------------------squawk
------------------------------------squawk------------------squawk   

------------------------------------------------------------------------squawk

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------squawk

-------------------------------------------------------------squawk

------------------------------------squawk ------------------

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:14 PM

And he sings as he yanks (the rope) the old favorite

Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But inside you it's so delightful,
I ain't got no place to go, WHOA!
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow, yee HAW!

He sings it that way because he is, deep inside, a perverted wretch.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:23 PM

Before the bathers have time to respond in any way, in rapid succession they all heard

slap!
slap!
slap!
slap!
slap!
slap!
slap!
slap!



Unseen by all, the giant squid had slithered back into the room, and the spectacular squid/snow goose slapdown had begun! Birds begin bouncing off of beams, bongo drums, the tree, and cats and ducks are jarred from their rafters as feathers and fowl fly everywhere.

All Mudcatters dive for cover. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 09:54 PM

And he sings bagpipe music whilst geese and the squid have at each other:

It's no go my honey love, it's no go my poppet;
Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit.
The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall for ever,
But if you break the bloody glass you won't hold up the weather.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM

Perhaps MMario would like to save the day by loudly announcing two new menu items--calamari and roast goose. . . just a thought

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 12:13 AM

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A squid jellied in cranberry

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two scalded cats
And aquid jellied in cranberry

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three geese alaying
The two sclded cats
And a squid jellied in cranberry

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Four rubber duckies
Three geese a laying
The two scalded cats
And a squid jellied in cranberry

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Five pints of ale...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 12:15 AM

Sorry.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 07:17 AM

MBSLynne clutches her rubber duckie and crouches under a chair where she peers out at the chaos outside. The air is thick with Goose feathers and bits of squid....but wait a minute!.......Surely those aren't ALL goose feathers?? No! Someone has opened the skylight and softly, gently, large fluffy snowflakes are falling into the tavern covering everything and everybody with a shimmering eiderdown (no, no, they were geese, not ducks!) of white. "Someone chuck something on the fire quickly!! It's getting colder by the minute. Oaklet!!! Come under this chair and give me a BIG cuddle!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM

el_punkoid, having overcome his pyromania for a short while as the tavern is cleared of Jello, hears MBSLynne's plea for warmth with delight. Grinning manically, he searches for anything - the odd leg, soap opera acting, William Shatner - anything will do.

He spies a heap of musical instrument cases, at the top of which is a natty violin case.

"Whose is this?" he calls - but not too loudly, for fear that it will be claimed by an enraged owner.

He inspects the case, and finds a label hanging from the instrument's headstock. "Says Oak here" he mutters to himself. "That burns nicely." So saying, he hurls the violin onto the fire, followed by a couple of guitars.

"That Martin Gibson won't play again in a hurry" he yells gleefully. "They had his name on them..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 01:38 PM

Oooooo--that el punkoid is too evil for words! Smack the squid whacks him across the head and he does an ass-over-applecart tumble into the hot tub, dropping the remaining instruments in flight.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 04 - 02:59 PM

"Enough is enough!" exclaims Auntie SINS as she grabs El_Punkoid_Nouveau by the ear and jerks him out of the hot tub and into the Ladies Loo. "Last stall on the left, I believe. If it can hold Liz, it can hold you! Burning guitars, indeed! " And said punk shivers cold and wet in the damp murky gloom plotting his escape.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 05:55 AM

What is this I spy, dangling through the ceiling?

It's the Leg of Manitas, which he has carelessly let slip through the floor of the loft.... Gadzooks, but we'll eat well tonight!!

Calamari, Roast goose (with duck stuffing), Leg of Manitas and loft insulation - also known as Yorkshire puddings (well if you had my mum cooking them they were...) Anyone bring the sprouts?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 07:20 AM

Food. Always better than none.

Blowing away a feather, he calls for Alaskan Amber.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 09:51 AM

"We gotta get this hot tub cleaned again. No way the filter is gonna clear out all of this stuff. Come on, Moonglow, and watch for splinters on your way out."

"What's to eat?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM

The punkoid rubs his ear - is that woman a body piercer in her spare time?

He looks around him - what kinda s**thole is this he says, then sees the throne behind him. Jeez K he mutters to himself - I thought it was some kinda s**thole, but not a REAL s**thole! Hey man, we're deep in it this time.

He pushes against the door - hell, it's locked and from the other side! Man, how did she do that?

He stands back and hefts a huge kick at the door. Nuthin' doin' he murmurs, as Newton's Third law of motion comes into play, and he sits down hard on the throne. Hell, damn good job the seat was down!

He sits there for a moment, and considers his position. Can't burn our way outta this one he says. But there ain't a cr**per in this goddamned tavern can hold ME!! he shouts.

The punkoid digs deep into his pocket, discarding sonic screwdriver, bags of jelly babies, and the small electronic book with "Don't Panic" emblazoned on the front in large friendly letters. Doug and the Doc won't help this time! he mutters.

Then he finds it - his Swiss Army complete network construction utility penknife. Hehe - this'll help me outta this trap - good job I got the trusty Bastard Operator From Hell tool with me...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

Meantime SINSULL carefully wires the stall so that a flush or any metal on the door or lock will make the punk think twice about escaping - sort of an Invisible Fence for humans (using the term loosely, of course). ZAPPPPPP!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 03:57 PM

zzzzzzz zzz zttttttt zzzztttt

A slight smell of burning hair wafts from the back stall in the women's loo. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 19 Dec 04 - 04:27 PM

Now that IS vindictive - I didn't have much left to start with!

Hey ho - out with the industrial rubber gloves...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 11:27 AM

EPN dons the rubber gloves and several drug smuggling waterfowl scatter at the sight. That jello would have been useful thinks epn as he again attacks the door in a shower of carbonised eyebrow hair. The door starts to yield to his credit card sized chain saw and is soon reduced to sawdust. Thank god women don't set light to their farts he thinks, this crapper is very lightly built nothing but feathers and calamari.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 12:46 PM

And then in walk several distaff Mudcatters with a roll of duct tape. . . and El Punkoid Nouveau is once again ensconced in the loo, attached firmly between the pot and the wall.

Think long and hard next time you decide to burn instruments!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 01:10 PM

Meantime, SINS plucks the singed violin case from the flames and discovers that the instrument has suffered nothing more than a mild smoking. Can't say the same for the guitars. Maybe I will just mosey over to the bar and have a few, even better share a few, before I break the news to the owners...unless there is a magic Christmas/Hannukah fairy in the house who can restore them to their former glory?????

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 03:19 PM

Quietly, he arises from his stupor, quietly slips on spilled...well, he slips on it...and finally crawls across the slippery floor to the trumpet (yes, I nearly wrote 'strumpet', okay?) case nearly hidden behind the potted palms.

Damn, he thinks, as the drunken hands clutch at him, I wish that SINSULL would'nt pour her unwanted drinks in these. And if they don't stop that, they'll not only be potted, but hairy, palms as well.

But he retrieves the trumpet case and crawls nearer the fire. Opening it, he removes a horn of silver and the deepest, darkest, midnight blue. He inserts the mouthpiece, moves the valves a few times to loosen them up, and pointing the bell at the fireplace, blows one clear, crisp G natural.

Then, assuring himself that it is still in tune, he lets off a riff, a glissando from high F to low C and back, that hangs like a brilliant crystal icicle in the air, so pure and cold that it seems starlike.

And then, a marvelous thing happens. The fire seems to catch its breath, the freeze, and to reverse itself. In a few seconds guitars slide quietly from the ashes, across the carpet, a Gibson first, a Martin, a second Martin, and more.

He empties the spit valve on the floor, figuring that a bit of spit can't be worse than what's there, removes the mouthpiece, and put the instrument away.

"Gotta watch it," he mutters. "Too much of that can crack a planet. Thank God the Final Trump is something controllable and not something like an accordion or a banjo."

And he calls for hoochanoo, his good deed for the year done.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 06:19 PM

Big wet snogs for Rapaire and his horn! Just for that we will forget about the rubber ducks and a few other transgressions!

Now what can that horn do for the likes of the Punkoid still locked in the John? The visit of three ghosts? Or three singer-songwriters or...help me here.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 06:39 PM

He shall be made to listen* to a medley of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", "The Little Drummer Boy", and the complete works of The Chipmunks until he dies or throws up or becomes sane, whichever comes first.




*Via a headset, so no one else need suffer.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Dec 04 - 09:14 PM

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Come they told me par rum pum pum pum
Christmas Christmas time is near
Time for joy and time for cheer
A new born king to see par rum pum pum pum
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve
Our finest gifts we bring par rum pum pum pum
We've been good but we can't last
You may say there's no such thing as Santa
Hurry Christmas Hurry past
But as for me and Grandpa we believce
To spread before our king par rum pum pum p...BARF!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 01:04 AM

Poor guy, you could almost feel sorry for him. Almost. He's just really really lucky a librarian stepped in to fix that mess.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 02:09 AM

Com'on this place is getting too full of wild animals....
I sullenly walked out with cats, ducks, monkeys, birds of an aquatic spiecies and a squid, all shaking their heads yes, and following behind me.
We all thought we needed a walk.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 03:00 AM

The punkoid leans back in bliss at the sound of the brass horn. Ahhhhhhhhhh - proper music at last!!!!!!!!!!! Now to escape this crapper, and the dire muzak they seem to inflict on visitors here.

"Granddad, grandad, we love you" drifts out of the battered speakers on the wall.

What would Pike have done in these circumstances, he ponders.

Suddenly, a partially deaf duck appears. "Quack!"

"I missed the call for a walk" it tells him "RR was too quiet and I didn't hear him. But somebody mentioned a duck tape in here!"

The punkoid breathes a sigh of relief. "Yeah - this is it, tying me to this damned pipe. Can you pull it off?"

The duck nods his head. "I can use to tie up that bloody squid!" he says.

Free at last, and stopping only to torch the entire rest room with his portable flame thrower (that'll fix 'em - sorry ladies, you'll have to use the hedge!) he rushes back to the bar.

He looks around him at the mess of avian droppings, squid slime and other detritus. Hidden away in one corner, he sees his double French Horn (Alexander of course!). Grabbing it, he takes a mighty breath and blasts his way through the entire Christmas Book of Penguin Carols.

At last - RELIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 03:32 AM

The derelict in the corner is awakened by all this din. He looks in disgust at what has been deposited in his tin cup and throws it away in horror. It hits the juke box and Mabel Scott singing "Boogie Woogie Santa Claus" fills the room.


RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 05:37 AM

It's been a funny Christmas so far. Cephalopod abuse, rubber avians of an aquatic persuasion running amok and being fondled by females of a certain age. Fire, flood, exploding toilets, burning instruments and burning nuts. Strange tree ornaments. wonderful beer and food, an excess of jello in the hot tub (the tide mark will never come off). Lastly, and best of all, the most manic, idiotic, ridiculous and funny set of customers in the tavern you could wish for.

Keep it up, there are still 3 and a half days to go.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:43 AM

So Mingulay, what exactly IS 'a certain age'???? Be careful how you answeer this.

MBSLynne taps her foot, hands on her hips....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Davetnova
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 06:59 AM

Hic.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:25 AM

"A certain age" is somewhere in the period between puberty and dotage.Perhaps you haven't reached there yet Lynne. Oh, and please don't tap on THAT floorboard. It's loose and squeaky, the noise is driving me mad and giving me a migraine and it's frightening the ducks.

If you want to do something useful put a cold object down Davetnova's neck. I had an anvil here a moment ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:24 AM

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Six icy anvils
Five pints of ale...
Four rubber duckies
Three geese a laying
The two scalded cats
And a squid jellied in cranberry

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Seven blue clickies

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:26 AM

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Eight Blazing Banjoes

Seven blue clickies
Six icy anvils
Five pints of ale...
Four rubber duckies
Three geese a laying
The two scalded cats
And a squid jellied in cranberry

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:28 AM

The Christmas Book of Penguin Carols

yup - that's what it says...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:00 AM

There was a tapping on the door and a murmering of voices outside. The door opened to reveal a choir of 9 penguins just about to launch into "Why TV's wash their frocks by night" when they were distracted by a passing squid. Thinking it was their supper being provided by the tavern they pounced on it. The squid fought back and managed to escape in a cloud of ink. Some of the more literate penguins took advantage of this to write out their Christmas cards.

Nine penguins carolling.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:57 PM

Duck is seen in a corner of the bar nailing up a crooked wooden sign.
It reads :-
You get more for your Squid at the Mudcat Tavern!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 01:15 PM

Quietly sipping hoochanoo in the corner, he muttersings songs from his youth to himself, remembering those golden days of yore when the world stretched before him beautous and new, radiant with promise.

"One red one, one white one...."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 01:16 PM

The Penguins enter and sing:

A bone, God wot!
Sticks in my throat --
Without I have a draught
Of cornie ale,
Nappy and stale,
My life lies in great waste.
Some ale or beer,
Gentle butler,
Some liquor thou us show,
Such as you mash
Our throats to wash,
The best ware that you brew.

Saint, master, and knight,
That Saint Malt hight,
Were pressed between two stones;
That sweet humour
Of his liquor
Would make us sing at once.
Master Wortley, I dare well say,
I tell you as I think,
Would not, I say,
Bid us this day,
But that we should have drink.

His men so tall
Walk up his hall,
With many a comely disk;
Of his good meat
I cannot eat,
Without I drink, I wis.
Now give us drink,
And let cat wink,
I tell you all at once,
It sticks so sore,
I may sing no more,
Till I have drunken once.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 01:19 PM

It looks like it's about time to tip this place on edge and let some of the clutter slide out before the fire hose gets turned on it again. Sheesh. It's as bad as a teenager's bedroom in here. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 12:03 AM

Penguins

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:49 AM

There's only one good reason for turning a fire hose on anything...
















And that's because...

















































IT'S BURNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:54 AM

By the light of the rubbery ducks, Geoff and his true love waltz to the tunes in their heads.... Mrs Duck won't be pleased, he's got jellied squid on his collar again.

The Gents is now the Ladies and the holly tree out the back is the new Gents. You get to look (!) where you pee... it's more difficult when you're sitting. Incidentally, 2 questions. 1) Why is the paper holder put BEHIND the person sitting, and 2) How do you make all Gents toilets smell that bad? We need Spaw in here to clear the air!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:43 AM

It's no wonder that Waltz looks peculiar, the tune in Geoff's head is a Tango.

The paper holder is put behind just for annoyance, and as for the smell - you can always hold yout nose.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 04:51 AM

It's not over until the fat lady sings, and I'm not calling anybody fat after last time, the scars will take years to fade

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 09:14 AM

Ah-HA! The light of dawn creeps across his brain, the realization (realisation>/i> to the UKers and other folks who can't tell "z" from "s") springing, like Athena fully-armed from the head of Zeus, that here was a way to make fabulous amounts of money.

Quick as a wink, he pulls out his cell phone and calls a secret number in Alberta.

"Brucie? Yeah, hey, that $1,000,000 idea about the traveling outhouses? Can I have the franchise for the Mudcat Christmas and other Taverns? I can? Great! There's a bloody fortune in it! They've blown up the women's and the men are using a tree. If you can get a couple of boxcars of the Number 1 Grade AA Super D-Lux Euro-Style here all the investors will clean up. Yeah, just set the delivery coordinates for the Mudcat Christmas Tavern too Parking Lot, thread 76111, at the '.org. Thanks!"

He signs off, sips his hoochanoo, and blandly sings under his breath, Billy Edd Wheeler's Ode To The Little Brown Shack Out Back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 09:19 AM

Can we put those porta-loo's on Bert's Credit Card?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 10:39 AM

The portaloos speed through the night courtesy of UPS who promptly lose them somewhere near Gnome (don't ask about routing) although the on-line tracking puts them between Reno and Miami just outside Heathrow Airport. The toilet rolls were sent by snail mail and now wait in a very lonely Tavern car park.

A lone figure pees against a holly tree, gaunt and bearded features staring in the half light. The woman staggers back into the bar, no one had told her about the change of arrangements.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:34 AM

Sage briefly dons a moon-suit, picks up a bucket of pine oil and a brush and gives the new ladies loo a quick once-over. Dirty work, but someone has to do it.

The moon suit is stashed in the back shed behind the kitchen and Sage orders a hot spicy mug of cider to clear the other smells from her sinuses. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:48 AM

Aaaarrrrgggghhh!! The thought of snorting hot cider to clear the sinuses beggars belief.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:55 AM

Women, especially Mudcat women, are tough.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 12:01 PM

best suited to long slow cooking with moist heat - therefore the hot tub.

oops! was that my out loud voice?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM

Snorting vodka off a teaspoon was very popular in Hull a few years ago, apparently it gets you drunk as a skunk real fast, but the effect wears off in a few minutes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 01:27 PM

Mixing up a batch of "Fluffy ducks"* - somehow it seems appropriate in the tavern...









*a Fluffy Duck:

1 part Advocaat
1 part Creme de Cacao
- pour over shaved ice - fill glass with 7-Up

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:50 PM

1 part 101 proof green chartreuse
1 part good brandy
1 part or less of good lemon-lime soda, like Sprite.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:27 PM

How drunk IS a skunk?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:29 PM

Afterburner:

151 proof rum, sprayed out of the mouth and ignited by directing the spray through the flame of a cigarette lighter or match. (Note: do not inhale during this process.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

that would be annisette, layered with bailey's, 3 parts to 2 parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 06:09 PM

Got me a case of J2O's in orange and passionfruit.. who's up for a softie?

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:21 PM

You need to translate (or spell out) that one, Liz.

Rapaire, don't give our incendiary punk any ideas!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:47 AM

Snorting vodka may be okay, but please don't snort tequila. I hear it can really do a number on your sinuses.

I thought we of an un-animal like could walk away from the human animal type, but that is just not happening. We took a short walk around the hemisphere and re-entered with a knowledge that only those who could walk around the full hemisphere in a day could obtain.
In a days walk with cats, a monkey, a duck and a squid, the knowledge that we found in a days walk around the earths hemisphere is that nothing is sacred and everything is considered either eugenic or meat to somebody.
We escaped with our meat. No-one wanted our brains.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:03 AM

Too late SRS - the punkoid (while you were busy issuing warnings!) snuck round behind the bar. "What can we find here?"

Along the bottles and optics - cask strength whisky, over proof rum...hey, there's a whole party here!

The punkoid sneaks a bottle of the finest over proof into his poacher's pocket, and "borrows" the finest bottle of cask strength Islay single malt. Before the bartender has a chance to see him, he sneaks back out, and heads outside towards the holly tree.

Reaching into his (somewhat emptied) pockets, he pulls out a cigarette lighter. "This'll make peeing more comfortable!" he says, aiming a jet of over proof at the tree...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:58 AM

Down wind of a burning, pee soaked holly tree several small rodents are seen staggering about clutching their throats gasping for air as a shocked punk like figure claws at his now burning genitalia. Yes folks - blow back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:11 AM

Rustic Rebel...you forgot to take the skunk!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 07:34 AM

This is worse than any skunk. This worse than inside of a camel driver's jockstrap under the burning midday Saharan sun. This is eggy farts, ammonia and pig droppings all in one. This is MEGASMELL.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:30 AM

ooooooooooooooo! OUCH! The poor guy is as hairless as a baby's bottom, and has third-degree burns . . .I've never seen a guy do his own bris before, and fire is not the first choice of tools. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:51 AM

But it does cauterize the wound. Anyway, in his state he wouldn't have felt a thing, and now won't be able to ever again. At least the hair will grow back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:59 AM

*staggers in, breaking three windows in the proccess*

Shorry i'm *hic* late, folks....i got...*hic* shtopped by some fookin idiot wearing a fookin polshemansh uniforum..looked loike a shtripogram, he did. Tried to shay i wash...*hic* drunk and dishorderly! Bashtard! **sirens wail outside* Jusht *hic* ignore that!
Guessh what i brought! Whipped *hic* cream!!!!

*falls over*

Itsh okaaaaaaay, jusht that fookin floor tripped me up again..*hic* bashtardin floor... hey, anbody wanna play *hic* shtrip poker?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:15 PM

Hey BI, you been whisky tasting again? Strip poker is too tame for us, we disrobe with fire.

The smell of singed hair and burning bris still assails the nostrils mixed with that of the holly tree. Although it is not so much a smell as a miasma and almost tangible.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 12:49 PM

*lifts head from floor momentarily*

You accushin me of being under the affluence of incohol? Itsh all liesh! *hic* Liesh, i shay....can shomebody get me shome shmokes? Pleashe....*hic* hehehe, i found a shnorkel on the flor...*hic* whosh ish thish?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:02 PM

As someone in blissful ignorance tries to coax music out of a squid tentacle the remainder of the Tavern patrons cautiously edge away

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:11 PM

Sage spots the neglected harness that was helpful last year when catsPHiddle wasn't quite on her feet yet (and before it was strapped to the christmas tree). She tucks that idea back where it came from--Blissfully Ignorant would not improve by being upright and aided by the harness.

"The recovery ward, I think, is the place for you. Nurse Ratched will be with you shortly." Sage drags and nudges the now sleeping BI through the coat closet and rolls (him? her?) into the nearest empty bed to sleep it off. Much better than accidentally rolling into the jello pit.

"What kind of beer do you have over there, barkeep? I'd like a drink that doesn't burn when exposed to a flame."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:51 PM

Oi! Which one of you degenerates put me in there? I'm sober now....which is a very good reason to get drunk again! Pass me a bottle. Yes, tequila will do nicely....

And who let that squid in?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:55 PM

I think I have everything for Christmas ready - go tht B-I-L a certificate for a 12 step program on overcoming Librarians;

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Librarian, Unseen University
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 04:29 PM

A large, orange figure with twice as much skin as it needs to encapsulate it's body, knuckles over to where BI is now drinking herself comatose again. With one hand like a large leather glove, he gently strokes her head whilst thoughtfully eating a banana.

"Ooook? Eeeeek!" he mutters to himself

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 05:27 PM

Nurse Ratched! Another customer over here! He responds well to being dragged by the ear. I wouldn't give him access to an oxygen tank... but you know best. heh heh "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 09:55 PM

Waste of good liquor, that. OOH, here comes Animaterra's choral group to do their Solstice songs ... do you know any Artisan??

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Matt_R
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 02:58 AM

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU LOT!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 03:39 AM

"YOU LOT" I resemble that remark said the squid recovering its missing tentacle and inspecting the suckers for damage and wondering if it is possible to to play a C tentacle in F. He returns to the jello tank for solace but finds it full of blissful people being ignorantly drunk and wonders at the follies and foibles of mankind. Cephalopod Christmases back home were nothing like this, the odd hermit crab may don a little tinsel occasionally and sharks were known to hit the rum bottle, but that was all. No one lost pieces of their anatomy or got impaled on pine branches, burnt their nuts and suddenly became accidentally Jewish.

This is my last morning at work before the festivities, ho bloody ho, so it's a Merry Winter Seasonal Festival to you all and a Happy New Year.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 26 Dec 04 - 11:37 PM

Mmario, that annisette, layered with bailey's, 3 parts to 2 parts, sounds so good! Would you make one for me and another one for Sinsull? She's got a chest cold, and this might make her feel better.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:27 AM

Hoppy New Beer to you all!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:39 AM

Looks like someone did some serious cleanup in here while we were away for a couple of days. Good! There was a funny smell coming from over near the side door that, well, good manners prevents me from speculating what it was, but it needed to be cleared up. It's a good thing the port-a-johns are in place.

Now, is Nurse Ratched going to make an appearance one of these days? I believe her alter-ego is at last on the page. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 AM

"Blimey - that was close! Thank goodness Marks and Spencer are still sufficiently old fashioned to do a good line in asbestos underpants! (And that people here are too polite to look too closely at one's nether regions...)"

The punkoid pauses to make sure that everyone knows that he knows that an orang-utan is NOT a monkey, and squeezes his way back into the bar.

Disguised by his newly clean shaven appearance, and clothed head to toe in soot from a now trimmed holly tree, the punkoid finds his way back to his beloved french horn. "Now for some heavy metal folk..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:54 AM

Two drunk-as-a-skunks coming your way Pauline...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:54 AM

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Chet
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM

I meant to say:

Ooowww! Ouch!

Have YOU ever had your...like in the song...

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:31 PM

Sage eyes the harness at the side of the room, wondering if it will get some use come the New Year's celebrations. The cats stretch on their perches in the rafters and work their way down to the bar for any tidbits missed during the cleanup. A duck waddles out from under the tree, looks el punkoid directly in the eye, and announces "Qvack!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 02:59 PM

Sorry people, i passed out for a couple of days there...OI! Why am i wearing fishing waders and somebody elses pants on my head? *looks round accusingly*

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 04:42 PM

I god a sdinkink cowd add a hed full of stod. Padd ober the hod doddy and let be stuggle up by duh fire.....

LTShooooo

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:14 PM

I think we need to turn that coat closet into a sauna so Liz can go sit for a while and bake that cold out of her system. Anyone have some good cedar boards and a heater handy?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 05:22 PM

*pulls cedar boards and heater out of Mary poppins-esque handbag*

There ya go, pal! :0)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:48 PM

To quote one of my favourite literary characters...

Thag you bery buch!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:56 AM

The punkoid stares back at the duck.

"Transylvanian ducks?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 05:56 AM

As the Transylvanian duck sinks it's beak (?!) into the punkoid's neck, MBS Lynne sinks gratefully into the chair under which she has been crouching all Christmas...."Anyone got a Brandy Alexander? And what food is left? Merry Christmas everyone!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:35 PM

"I was thinking more of an Al Capp or Capn and the Kids kid of duck, not a vampire duck" thought Sage. . . "maybe a Shmoo would be better."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:43 PM

Vampire Shmoos?


Who wanted to convert the coat closet into a sauna? it doesn't seem to be working - but if we strap that cedar plank to the rotisserie in the fireplace we could "plank" someone as a substitute...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:30 PM

Liz should have taken the coats out first. That's all.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:18 AM

DAmn... I knew there was something!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:37 AM

As the duck honed in on the punkoid, he realised that it wasn't transylvanian after all - it was his good friend, the partially deaf duck. The poor avian was sooooooo pleased to see him after all his adventures, and wanted to thank him for the duck tape with which he had been able to severely incapacitate the squid.

"Hey bartender!" called the punkoid. "You got any Jersey cream?"

"No sir - cream comes from Cows, not Jerseys!" replies the bartender, in his best impression of Jeeves.

"You got ANY cream? From Jersey Cows?"

"I'll have a shot of rum, same of kahlua, and a couple of ounces of cream then. Oh, and pass me that cocktail shaker, will you?"

The punkoid pours the three measures into the shaker, and tango's around the room with it. Once round the room, then pours the well mixed content into a glass.

"Hey doll!" he calls to MBSLynne. "Just to prove I'm not just a dab hand at raising fires, I'm also one meeeeeeeeeean cocktail shaker. Rum Alexander - on the house, Babe!"

The punkoid reaches into his top pocket, pulls out a nutmeg and grater, and, having grated a sprinkling of nutmeg onto the drink, passes it down under the chair.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:41 AM

I thought the saying was drunk as a skunk, not drunk as a duck. That bird is going to be plastered. No telling what he might get up to!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:18 PM

Quietly, as is his wont, he re-enters and glides to the corner. Once there, he again reaches up and pulls sharply on the dangling....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:22 PM

squid tentacle

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:01 PM

and releases the harness with which the squid has formed a firm and lasting attachment

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:38 PM

OK, last call. Christmas is over.

Please find someone to drive your drunk ass home.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:30 PM

Blow it Martin, Christmas doesn't end until 12th Night!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:08 PM

Count on Martini Gibson to put a damper down. It never works on Catters, though, for some reason.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM

...bell rope, and high in the belfry the bells begin to peal a welcome to the new year, even though it's still a tad early. But the real reason that he is ringing the old year out and the new year in is not some excess of enthusiasm for the change of the calendar, but because he holds onto the rope, and the bells pull him up and down -- a ride better than a swing.

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" he shouts.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:10 AM

You like the bell rope, you'll LOVE the harness! Just watch that first step. . . if you're not careful you'll end up out on the roof.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:14 AM

I think a steam room is better for colds than a sauna; sauna could play havoc on your mucus mambranes while a steam helps you breathe. Through this plexigalss door you will find a small chamber with clean sheets, for spreading down or wrapping up. Nice wide benches so you can lie down or have your feet straight out. Higher benches for the diehard Russian steamroom types. Coed OK as long as everyone behaves. (oh how stupid to say that.)You know how great your voice gets in a steamy shower? Well, just think how much volume we can get up in here! Bar service available through that little window over there. I'll have a haahen dazs and tia maria sundae, please.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 02:47 AM

MAG, thanks for the steam room. It's just what I need to recover from my cough. Aaaaah, that feels so good.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 04:04 AM

Volume (noise wise) has never been my problem... but I'll take you up on it... it's about time the pores got a good swill out.

Can you please drop a little lavendar oil on the coals? And don't be using any eucalyptus... I don't need my sinuses cleared from my toes up!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 08:52 AM

the steam is loverly! I am fighting off a cold myself - major symptom being I can't seem to get warm! (not normally a problem for me) - I haven't checked into the recovery room because Nurse Ratched scares me!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:42 AM

And whilst going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down, the bells pealing madly overhead, he bursts into song!

The scene was in the jailhouse, and if curfew rang that night
The guy in number 13 cell would go out like a light.
She knew her Dad was innocent, and so Poor Little Nell
Has tied her tender torso to the clapper of the bell.

cho: Oh, hang on the bell, Nelly, hang on the bell
Your poor Daddy's locked in a cold prison cell.
As you swing to the left, and you swing to the right
Remember that curfew must never ring tonight.

It all began when Nelly said, "No! No!" to Handsome Jack
And struggled as he tried to kiss her by the railroad track;
Her Dad rushed up to save her as the train came down the line,
And Jack fell back across the track and paid the price of crime.

Dear Daddy was arrested, and brought up before the Law,
The P'liceman said,"Old Handsome Jack ain't handsome any more!"
Then Nelly came and pleaded, but the jury did not care ---
They didn't have a sofa, so they offered him the chair.

Well, they pulled upon the bellrope, but there was no ting-a-ling
They could not get their business done, the curfew would not ring!
Upstairs, poor Nell was swinging, while below they pulled and heaved,
When suddenly a voice cried "Stop! Your father's been reprieved!"

They cut her fair young body down, while she made protest weak
And as they laid her on the ground, she cried with girlish peep,
"Look! I tried to save my Daddy! A true and noble thing!
But man! while I was up there, I learned it's fun to swing!"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:48 AM

Rap - you don't happen to have tadpoles for that do you? it's one of the "missing tunes"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 10:32 AM

Please make sure you take your Christmas decorations down in a timely manner or you will upset sensitive non-christians.

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:07 PM

Martin, scram. If you don't want to play nicely just don't bother to come in here.

The giant squid raises its head, loosens its grip on the harness and reaches one tentacle out toward the surly man standing complaining in the doorway. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM

Oh, pooh. And he lets go of the rope, because Serious Mario has asked a serious question which deserves a serious answer, seriously.

No. But the song was recorded by the Chad Mitchell Trio on their Mightly Day On Campus album (Kapp KS-3262, 1961) and The Best of the Chad Mitchell Trio (Kapp KS-3334, 1963).

I took the words from the DT, but here's how I remember the Trio sang them:

The scene was in the jailhouse, and if curfew rang that night
The guy in number 13 cell would go out like a light.
She knew her Dad was innocent, and so poor Little Nell
Tied her tender torso to the clapper of the bell.

cho: Oh, hang on the bell, Nelly, hang on the bell
Your poor Daddy's locked in a cold prison cell.
As you swing to the left, Nelly, swing to the right
Remember that curfew bell must never ring tonight.

It all began when Nelly said, "No! No!" to Handsome Jack
And struggled for her virtue down there by the railroad track;
Her Dad rushed up to save her as the train came down the line,
And Jack fell back across the track and paid the price of crime.

Her Daddy was arrested, and brought up before the Law,
The P'liceman said,"Old Handsome Jack ain't handsome any more!"
Nelly came and pleaded, but the jury did not care ---
They didn't have a sofa, so they offered him the chair.

Well, they pulled upon the bellrope, but there was no ting-a-ling
They could not get their foul deed done, for curfew would not ring!
Upstairs, poor Nell was swinging, while below they pulled and heaved,
When suddenly a voice cried "Stop! Your Daddy's been reprieved!"

They cut her fair young body down, while she made protest weak
And as they laid her on the ground, she cried with girlish peep,
"Look! I tried to save my Daddy! A true and noble thing!
But man! while I was up there, I learned it's fun to swing!"

I thought I had the specks in my copy of The Mitchell Trio Song Book (Quadrangle Books, 1964), but it's not there. However and for what it's worth, the following ARE there:

The John Birch Society
Alberta
Maladyozhenaya
The Banks of Sicily
Green Grow the Lilacs
You Can Tell The World
The Virgin Mary
Alma Mater
Mighty Day
Me Voy Pa Bete
I Feel So Good About It
What Did You Learn In School Today?
Tell Old Bill
Rum By Gum
The Golden Vanity
The Ides of Texas
The Hip Song
Bonny Streets of Fyve-io
The Story of Alice
Paddy West
Ain't No More Cane On This Brazos
Moscow Nights
Super Skier
The Unfortunate Man
Whup Jamboree
Rally Round The Flag (medley with In The Summer Of His Years)
Hello, Susan Brown
The Marvelous Toy
Queen Elinor's Confession
James James Morrison Morrison
Last Night I Had The Strangest Dream
Johnnie
Tail Toddle
An Irish Song
The Twelve Days of Christmas

And I can sing Nelly for you if you want, but I don't have the recordings anymore.

Seriously.

And I make this offer: I'll scan in and email any of the above on request.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MAG
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 12:27 PM

There's a guy at our song circle who does "Hang on the bell, Nelly" every time. I could do harmony, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 04:34 PM

All seriousness aside....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Pauline L
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:05 PM

I want to wish everyone Happy New Year!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 05:51 PM

Surreptiously, he fingers a lighter...and a fuse that ends who knows where....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:42 PM

"Boy," he thinks, "this joint is way too quiet."

And he lights the fuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 11:06 PM

but someone with the initials "Martin Gibson" pissed on it before it had time to burn to the cake covered with sparklers that would go off at midnight to wish everyone a happy new year! (So El Punkoid will no doubt whip out his trusty lighter and start it up again soon).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 12:01 AM

Well, pee, he says, and relights it well away from the puddle.

The fuse burns, an inch a minute. It reaches the point where it branches off to other fuses, pauses, and the multitude of fuses lights.

He very quickly walks outside, well away from the lights of the Tavern.

There is a muffled FWOOF! as the explosives ignite, and from the dark that surrounds the Tavern mortars fire pre-planned charges into the night sky, where in a burst of pyrotechnics they explode, and in the cold night air hangs for many minutes a flaming

HAPPY NEW
YEAR!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 01:30 AM

SAME TO
YOU!
LIBRARIANS RULE!

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 11:24 AM

Oh, gawd, look at the state of this place. . . bottles and bits of paper on the floor and tables. What was in that cake besides cake?. . . Sleeping people everywhere. . . cats and ducks sleeping together. . .and the squid ended up in the rafters. Now THAT must be a story!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 07:27 PM

And it's still Christmas for another 4 days!!!

Er... can someone unlock the door of the steam room please? Much more of this and I shall shrink to 3'2" and be the same in height as I am in width.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 05 - 07:52 PM

He peeks back into the place, smiles at the mess, and re-enters. There is knocking from somewhere and the squid shifts restlessly, like someone whose sleep is being disturbed.

From above, a tentacle grasps the door to the steam room and rips it off, flinging it somewhere, where it lands with a crash.

The tentacle withdraws.

Thirstily, he approaches the bar. Perhaps there is some form of drink left.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 04:44 AM

The punkoid stirs from his reverie...

Wow - those were some pyrotechnics! It had all seemed like a dream to him, the dream of a lifetime.

How long had he been staring, glassy eyed, at the remnants of the cake?

The memories of that glorious burst started drifting back - the hasty scramble to relight the fuse (why hadn't they let him burn Mr Gibson's guitars?), the explosions, the fires...

Oh joy, oh rapture, oh... Poop Poop!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 11:01 AM

EPN, he thinks, should have taken a course in explosives & demolitions from the US Army, followed by one on improvised explosives. And his mind drifts back, for a pull at the wine brings an old soldier's dreams from afar....

...to the latter part of the 1960s and a bridge, a dangerous span, that was slated for destruction by the E&D class. To the calculations carefully calculated to blow the abutments, to cut the stringers into precise lengths for later disposal. To the group working on blowing the center pier, and watching them fasten 40-pound cratering charges (each of which could could blow a hole in an Interstate highway that was eight feet deep and 15 feet across), one leg of the charge bent to angle the blast upwards, one charge to each side, the pier then wrapped in PETN detonating cord and blocks of TNT. To the governor of Illinois pushing pushing the button that triggered the blasts. To the careful crumbling of the abutments, to the steel stringers blown into precise 8-foot length, to the center pier disappearing in a blast that tossed debris about 200 feet in the air, to the E&D class rolling around with laughter...

...and he thinks on EPN and what he missed, and is grateful that EPN did.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Jan 05 - 04:52 PM

Hell, who needs a military background to play with explosives... just give me another helping of sprouts, wash it down with beer and stand the hell way back!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 11:50 AM

Bugger the sprouts and beer...

epn was at a certain Midlands UK University roughly at the same time as a certain runner, now elevated to the Upper House. Said runner broke the World Record for 800 metres... or was it 1500, or even the mile? just after epn completed his finals; probably said runner was recovering the record from a Mr Ovett on this particular day,as they seemed to trade titles like billy-o.

We swore blind that he was assisted by the jet propulsion effect of Hall breakfasts - beans every day!

Then, of course, there was Blazing Saddles...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:00 PM

OK, Christmas and New Year's is now over.

This place should be closed and you should try to get drunk for other reasons.

Give it up.

all Christmas items are now 50-75% off. No refunds.

Please take all decorations down now.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:09 PM

Christmas is *NOT* over until January 6. it's not OUR fault people rush the season and start in August! Why should we stop celebrating when it *is* still Christmas?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:16 PM

It is not still Christmas. It is now the beginning of the St. Valentine's day holiday. You are now encouraged to buy your valentine day decoration and put them up. Your local merchants and your economy depends on it.

Why does it Xmas end 1/6? Did it take Jesus 12 days to get born or something?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:26 PM

yes - mary had protracted labour. all that traveling in her last trimester.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 12:28 PM

nothing like celebrating the feast day of a saint who had his head chopped off and buried in a pot of basil.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 01:01 PM

Are there any special days in which you use rosemary? I have some bushes that have gotten MUCH larger than I expected. We need an occasion to use all of this wonderful herb (I'd hate to waste it in the compost!)

Hmmmm. . . thinking . . . thinking. . .

If I cut the shrub back, do you have any chicken breasts back there in the tavern kitchen, MMario? I've seen those British ladies who cook Italian food spear chicken breasts with rosemary branches before grilling, and they look marvelous. I can bring you a bushel or so.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 01:07 PM

I haven't checked the walk-in recenlty - but if not - I *could* use "THE DOOR" to get a bunch of passenger pigeons. they taste like chicken. right?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 01:22 PM

okay - according to the handy dandy internet search and a quick browse - traditionally Rosemary has been used as a strewing herb at christmas - also used for epiphany as it is associated with the flight into Egypt.

Other associations make it appropriate for weddings

Thomas More evidenlty had a great deal of rosemary in his gardens - so it would be appropriate to use it for his feast day (June 22)

It was used by ancient greeks before exams - so could be used the same way now.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 02:03 PM

Being a good librarian (actually the very best one in the whole world), he coughs up the answer to Martin Gibson's question and spits out the relevant part:

The Twelve Days of Christmas are probably the most misunderstood part of the church year among Christians who are not part of liturgical church traditions. Contrary to much popular belief, these are not the twelve days before Christmas, but in the Western Church are the twelve days from Christmas until the beginning of Epiphany (January 6th; the 12 days count from December 25th until January 5th).

The origin of the Twelve Days is complicated, and is related to differences in calendars, church traditions, and ways to observe this holy day in various cultures (see Christmas). In the Western church, Epiphany is traditionally celebrated as the time the three Wise Men or Magi arrived to present gifts to the young Jesus (Matt. 2:1-12). In some cultures, especially Hispanic and Latin American culture, January 6th is observed as Three Kings Day, or simply the Day of the Kings (Span: la Fiesta de Reyes, el Dia de los Tres Reyes, or el Dia de los Reyes Magos; Dutch: Driekoningendag). Even though December 25th is celebrated as Christmas in these cultures, January 6th is often the day for giving gifts. In some places it is traditional to give Christmas gifts for each of the Twelve Days of Christmas. Since Eastern Orthodox traditions use a different religious calendar, they celebrate Christmas on January 7th and observe Epiphany or Theophany on January 19th.

By the 16th century, some European and Scandinavian cultures had combined the Twelve Days of Christmas with (sometimes pagan) festivals celebrating the changing of the year. These were usually associated with driving away evil spirits for the start of the new year.

The Twelfth Night is January 5th, the last last day of the Christmas Season before Epiphany (January 6th), and often included feasting along with the removal of Christmas decorations. French and English celebrations of Twelfth Night included a King's Cake, remembering the visit of the Three Magi, and ale or wine (a King's Cake is part of the observance of Mardi Gras in French Catholic culture of the Southern USA). In some cultures, the King's Cake was part of the celebration of the day of Epiphany.

Then he re-lubricates his brain with more hoochanoo, all the while wondering why things like Advent, Lent, Ramadan, Christmas, Channukah, and Kwanza are spread over a period of time.

Eventually, the hooch kicks in and he doesn't care.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 02:20 PM

I don't drink, Rap.

Too many use the holiday as just an excuse to do so.

Not being of the christian faith, the sooner this gets over with, the sooner we have to have it jammed down our throats.

At least the stores have finally backed off.

remember, 50% off all Christmas cards, while supplies last.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,The Giant Squid
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM

I've grown fond of these sacks of flesh covered bones that walk on the land. But this complaining one in the doorway really chaps my hide. (I have hung around that bookish fellow from Idaho too long).

The squid squeegies his body across the room faster than any of the inhabitants realized he could move, and swiftly wraps Martin Gibson in all eight limbs, only to squeegee with the cursing, struggling man back across the room and drop him head first into the sticky green jello pit.

AND STAY THERE!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 02:44 PM

The only thing you can do with your 8 tentacles is whack off 8 times as fast as anyone else.

Come near me and I'll blow you up with an M80 you piece of carp.

Go fuck Cthulu or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 03:08 PM

Got something against squid, Martin?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 03:11 PM

Yes. squid suck. I don't even like calamari. It's like eating a shoe.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 05:58 PM

Ok....welcome to the Mudcat Tavern! Drop the Christmas and we can stay here and get pissed all year! Have a drink Martin...!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Once Famous
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 06:00 PM

OK, how about a Jack and Ginger? Or at least a glass of Mogen David?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 07:08 PM

We haven't had that spirit here since 1969 . . .

We can afford better stuff that MD20/20, Martin. The booze goes on Bert's credit card. He left it behind a few years ago.

If you do a search, Lynne, you'll find this place apparates in and out through the year.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 08:10 PM

Give the man what he wants. If he wants to drink MD (not 20/20!) let him. Me, I'll have some more of that fermented and distilled fruit cocktail called "hoochanoo."

Hell, I've drunk worse than either!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 03:25 AM

Here you are Martin *hands Martin the drink he requested. Enjoy! There's plenty of food around if you want some......here, have this comfy chair, it's time I got out of it, I've been sat here all Yuletide! Happy Year everyone! Soon be time to celebrate Imbolc...or whatever you want to celebrate.......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 04:16 AM

Still got celebrations for Twelfth Night, Distaff Sunday and Plough Monday to organise yet... Twelfth Night is fairly well known (usually as Epiphany by the Church), but Distaff Sunday was the first Sunday after 12th Night when the women (distaff side or spinsters) took up their spindles again after the holidays. The men didn't go back until the following Monday, Plough Monday, when the plough was cleaned and decorated with ribbons and corn dollies, taken into church, blessed and then taken to the field. The horse pulling it was also cleaned and decorated, wearing its best tack, brasses, ribbons and corn dollies first cut was then made, blessed, annointed (with cider usually) and prayers made for a good crop. Then they drank the rest of the cider and had a party for the rest of the day.

These days, the Whittlesea Straw Bear is one of the few Plough Monday celebrations left (most of the others got wiped out with the Reformation and Oliver Grumble's lot), and that is next weekend, 7th-9th Jan, being the first after Twelfth Night (or Epiphany). Whittlesea is in Cambridgeshire, UK and This is their homepage.

So fire up the stove again, get the mulled cider going, still got a week of celebrating to get on with!

(I'll have an OJ and lemonade as I'm checking into the Recovery ward on the 10th, you wait 9 months for surgery and it bloody comes along when you have the least time for it!)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 04:25 AM

Having spent Christmas and New Year in darkest Kent sampling hop based products Mingulay realises that tempus is once again fugitting rapidly and quickly puts in an order for Easter Eggs before they all go. Forward planning is the name of the game, this year's turkey is due to hatch any day.

Looked in at the Tavern on the way home but the place was deserted apart from a Middle Eastern looking guy covered in green jello and sucker marks selling second hand Christmas cards.

Oh how the mighty are fallen!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 10:20 AM

And now he's stuck to the upholstery in the comfy chair. He might not get out of there for months!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 10:37 AM

HOORAY!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 10:38 AM

399

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 10:39 AM

Leadfingers,
            400. Eat my shorts!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 12:14 PM

Don't forget Martin Luther King Day (1/17), Anniversary of the (Mexican) Constitution (2/5), Chinese New Year (2/8), My Birthday (2/11), Lincoln's Birthday (2/12), Valentine's Day (2/14), President's Day (2/21), Washington's Birthday (2/22, but originally 2/11), (Mexican) Flag Day (2/24), Mothering Sunday (3/6), St. Patrick's Day (if you don't know, ask in Boston or Chicago), Spring Solistice (3/20, also my sister's birthday), Benito Juarez's birthday (3/21), Easter Monday (3/28), April Fool's Day (4/1), Passover (starts at sundown on 4/23), Administrative Professionals' Day (4/27), (Mexican) Labor Day (5/1), May Day Bank Holiday (5/2), Battle of Puebla day (5/5), Mother's Day (5/8), (Mexican) Mother's Day )(5/10), Armed Forces Day (5/21), Victoria Day (5/23), and Memorial Day & the Spring Bank Holiday on May 30.

Then there are things like Imbolc that I didn't mention.

Gracious snakes, he thinks while reaching for another, but people sure celebrate the darnedest things.

"Throw away the cork, Landlord -- we'll likely have a couple."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 02:45 PM

I think I must have dozed of for a week or so......
Isn't a Gibson a Martini with an onion stuck up its bum?

Seeing as I missed all the fun, I think it must be time to go Gregorian. I'll be wishing you all a Happy Christmas in about three days then...
It's a better time to post cards anyway - misses the Julian rush....
Quack!!
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 02:56 PM

Hey guys, why don't we celebrate Bluebeard's wedding anniversary... every single one of them! That's enough casue for a party just about every day!

And man, when those wives get together - won't there just be one HELL of a BANG!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 04:36 PM

Fine all those wives, but think... all those MOTHERS IN LAW too!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 06:32 PM

A critcal mass....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 09:02 PM

. . . in a nuclear family?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 08:24 AM

The only problem with the Gregorian calendar is all the chanting.

I'll get me habit.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 06:47 PM

Merry Old Christmas to you !!!

My manager is off tonight having her 4th Christmas meal since 24th Dec..... and her 4th lot of presents!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:09 PM

Hey it's past Midnight!

HAPPY
CHRISTMAS!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 10:21 PM

He made a list,
He checked it twice
He found who was naughty but nice,
Santa Claus done did up
The town.

He saw that you were sleeping
Made sure you didn't wake
He knew that you'd been bad (but good)
That you made the bedslats break.

And he has another hoochanoo.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 12:41 PM

Wot, Me????

It was that damned Green Fields track on 'Frost and Fire' - for some reason it won't play on the computer, and keeps jamming the Media player....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 09:08 PM

"Once there were green fields
Kissed by the sun
Once there were vallies
Where rivers used to run
Once there blue skies
With white clouds high above
Once they were part of
An everlasting love.
Where are the green fields that we
Used to roam?"

That the one, Liz?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 11:09 AM

And with the population in apparent decline due to snow blocking people being snowed in, and people being shut out by The 'Cat (shouldn't leave the door ajar when you're outside!) MBSLynne requested that someone enter the tavern for some carry-outs.
I thought I'd oblige, but the fire's still roaring, and draught beer is always better inside, so I'll just stop right here...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 12:02 PM

I dunno... it still jams up the works so I've not been able to listen to it!

Probably.. if it was Waterson/Carthy recorded it, as it is on 'Frost & Fire'.

I'm pulling up my last bowl of whatever and my last mug of mulled wine, starvation from midnight my time on.......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 12:05 PM

The punkoid sees the roaring fire... sees Nigel Parsons drinking draught beer... thinks "draught...fire...what's he doing nicking my job as resident pyromaniac!"

Then he turns away... in time to see an enormous slug slithering in, with a big jar firmly held in it's eye stalks. He reads the label - "Property of The Anchor Inn, Sidmouth - Nigel Bait".

"Very silly!" he thinks...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 12:31 PM

Nigel spots the enormous slug, and passes it a supply of Ready Salted crisps.
Hearing comments about draught and fire, realises that the one always causes the other. Maybe that explains his dislike of central heating, and his attachment to a pair of warm, comfortable, carpet slippers.
Crosses to the bar to refill his pint of "Freefalls" and avoids the green sludge on the carpet next to an empty crisp packet.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 Jan 05 - 02:39 AM

MBS Lynne wanders in and settles herself in 'her' comfy chair. "Ok Nigel, where's the brandy and babycham you offered me? Chuck another log on the fire someone and give it a good poke..... I have to agree with you about central heating Nigel. Now, who's going to start the singing?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 10 Jan 05 - 11:50 AM

Logs duly chucked and poked, a nice display of sparks and crackling of dried timber. The beer is still good, the slug has gone, Nigel's wallet has appeared (!) and we look set for a good night. A very good night if Lynne gets through ALL THAT brandy and babycham.

"So bring us barrel and set it up right"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jan 05 - 01:16 PM

The food is put away, the critters are all fed, many have been put outside. Inhabitants are lulled by the glowing fire as the Mudcat Tavern drifts into a somnolent January dream time. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Jan 05 - 01:20 PM

BURP!

zzzzzzzzzz...............

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 11 Jan 05 - 11:26 AM

PARDON!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 11 Jan 05 - 03:33 PM

Duck looks across from the Minstrels' Gallery. He watches as a somewhat jellified squid curls itself into a circle in the pit of what by now is just lime flavoured slime. He fluffs up his feathers, turns slowly and disappears into the shadows which extend behind the pews and domino boards. Who knows where he might end up. The search party has not yet returned since the last time someone traversed that way....
Oh Well.
We shall see what the year holds in store!
Quack!!!!
Geoff the Duck.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jan 05 - 03:35 PM

Minstrel Gallery? When did the Tavern acquire a minstrel's gallery? I tell you - you turn around in this place and something new shows up.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Jan 05 - 04:43 PM

But never where you want it......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 12 Jan 05 - 11:47 AM

The minstrel gallery was left over from one of Leadfinger's 'Men in Tights' gigs. It is only cardboard and should not be used, nor should it be placed near any pyromaniacs.

Why dominoes should be bored no one knows, after all it's not as though they lead lives any more drab than draughts or tiddleywinks. Perhaps they should appreciate their station in life, after all St. Pancras did!