BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 18 May 07 - 05:44 PM

We must be thinking in tandem KB. OK, I'm thinking of a colour. What colour am I thinking of?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 18 May 07 - 03:38 PM

Hey! Did you know that somebody stoel like 50,000 bottle of beer? Like 50,000 flippin' bottles of beer! In flippin' Sudbury! Like I dind't know that there was that much beerin Ontario! When I get bak I'm gonion to buy me that much flippin' beer and drink it all!

-- Shane McBride (whos going to be flippin' RICH!)

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:30 PM

Oooh! Cross posts witht he exact same sentiment. How cool is that?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:25 PM

Beats working.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:25 PM

Of course it doesn't KB, it could just mean that you are at work.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:24 PM

Perish the thought!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:13 PM

Keep in mind, the fact that I responded in three minutes doesn't mean I have no life.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:13 PM

1881 was the year that came right after 1880.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:12 PM

1881 is the same forwards and backwards and also upside down and turned around. Any which way you will, it is the same. It's a pinwheel number.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 18 May 07 - 02:09 PM

I think it's about time the 'I was there' clan had a sort of conference to discuss how we'd like the thread to develop. Naturally the rest of you could field questions and listen in.

The time of the clan is nigh.

By the way you're getting very high tech these days KB. Excuse my ignorance but what is the significance of 1881?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:56 PM

It has been a long time since IWTITMM has paid a visit. Sounds like you know him, please tell him he is missed. I'll be waiting. Not non-stop mind you, I have plenty of other things occupying my time. I don't like, you know, open this forum in the morning and then refresh it all day hoping to bring some sunshine into my otherwise sad little life. Nope, not me.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: JennyO
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:39 PM

Never mind, KB - you won it fair and square. I wasn't paying attention. Anyway, you spend a lot more time on this thread than I do. I'm sure it will make a very nice little personal fan for you.

Me mate, 'I Was There In The Middle Man' wasn't paying attention either. I think he must have gone on a long holiday. I'm sure he'll be back though.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:26 PM

I read your comment re: 18081 on the MOAB size thread. That got me to thinking I should do something special for the pinwheel we had coming up over here. I would have saved it for you if I knew you wanted this one.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: JennyO
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:23 PM

Oh no! I missed a pinwheel! I didn't notice the numbers on this thread. Next one's not for ages :-(

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 12:16 PM

1881

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:48 AM

Polygamy...polyandry...I can't think of a word to describe this. Maybe a new one will have to be invented...wait! Yes! Like the Marquis de Sade, like Sacher Masoch, I give you: Shaneism! And unlike other respectable perversions, such as masochism, sadism, necrophilia, pedophilia and such THIS ONE is never discussed in either polite or impolite society.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 18 May 07 - 09:39 AM

I take it this will be a formal wedding. What will Officer Dana say?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Buddy Whatsisname
Date: 17 May 07 - 05:36 PM

What? You mean the penguin? Are they gonna mate Shane with a penguin?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 05:17 PM

Good Heavens! A potential mate for "Shane"!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 17 May 07 - 01:01 PM

HOLY FLIP!!!!! Get this. I heard today through the flippin' grapevine that the staff in one of the Beer Stores in Sudbury are all, like, in danger of gettin' fired becoz, like, 50,0000 bottles of beer flippin' DIS-APPEARED a few nights back!!! And there werent' no flippin' clues how it was done, so they figger it had to be a inside job by the flippin' emploiyees!

HOLY FLIP!!!!!

You know what this means, eh?

It means that a bunch of flippin' aliyens really HAVE got the little bother! FLIP! It also means that they have got the 50,000 bottles of beer!!!! FLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now the idiots are gonna RETURN IT??????????????????????????

You gotta flippin' be puttin' me ON! They CAN'T return it! This is the greatest flippin' beer heist in the history of Norht Ontario and them retreads are just gonna give it back? I can't flippin' beleeve this!

Somethin' has got to be done change there minds. I hope Shane fer once uses his flippin' head and comes up with some kind of a plan that WORKS!

Jeezus flip. I wish I knew how to find them alyenans. I am drivin' out tonight and am gonna look for them over toward Sudbury way.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 17 May 07 - 12:38 PM

Good news! We have finally got Meklor back to normal. The double feedback loop and reflugation process worked. Meklor is now free of cravings for pizza, beer, and "smokes". It is wonderful to see my old comrade acting like a normal Greyan again. The Shane, on the other hand, seems not to have changed one iota. Very odd indeed.

We have tried to cheer up the Shane by taking him on a tour of various interesting sights around planet Earth. We showed him the Hawaiian Islands, some volcanoes in South America, and some interesting terrain in Antarctica. He expressed a desire to see penguins, and we obliged. He was quite excited about that. He says that he now knows more about penguins than David Suzuki does. We do not understand that reference.

We have to prepare him somehow for the no doubt upsetting news that we have decided to return all the beer...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 17 May 07 - 10:01 AM

I'm getting concerned, it has been almost two days with no word. Good thing we have some spare Shanes.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 07 - 09:25 AM

I suspect ol' "Shane" is looking for cigarette to enjoy after his probing.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:32 AM

"'Shane's' wormhole might be very, very long and deep though."

That conjures an image, not a very pretty one when Shane is involved.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 07 - 09:28 AM

Remember, the black hole causes a wormhole. Find the end of the wormhole and you find whatever was sucked into the black hole. "Shane's" wormhole might be very, very long and deep though.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:13 PM

I warned you that it was a Blue Event Horizon. Now please, try reflugating!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:47 PM

I have recovered my normal equilibrium and cheerful nature. Never again will I imbibe that awful stuff called beer! The Shane Being has also recovered from his overindulgence, and we are giving him a stern talk about self-discipline. He needs desperately to develop some. He is being cranky and uncooperative. He wants a promise of further beer before he will enlighten us regarding the significance of "babes" in Earthly society. We have refused to grant any such promise. We appear to be at an impasse here.

Perhaps when he grows a bit hungry, he will see the error of his ways...

Meanwhile, we are going to set up a double feedback loop and see if we can restore Meklor's intelligence which was apparently drained out of him into the Shane Being during the mindmeld. It is strange that Meklor had most of his intelligence drained into the Shane, but the Shane does not appear to have gained a commensurate measure of it. Extraordinary! This would suggest that the Shane's mentality is akin to a black hole, capable of absorbing any amount of borrowed intelligence without changing its own innate lack of same. It's unprecedented.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:20 PM

I found a set of keys in my sock drawer the other day, you don't suppose...

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:18 PM

Kinda like being given the keys to the city of Roberts, Idaho....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Buddy Whatsisname
Date: 15 May 07 - 12:26 PM

The Ultimate Canadian Dream: Having all of Blind River "bow down" to you.


LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 May 07 - 10:00 AM

Haw! That flippin' ingoramutt retread who says he's me has got caut by alines! Serves the bolthole rite! I'm goin' to be rich and he's goin' to have his brain sucked out, whta their is of it! They'l probbly use a reely tiny hose for suckin' it into a reelly little bottle. Haw! And I'll come back flippin' rich with gold and Blind River'll flippin' bow down to me!

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:48 PM

Commander, taken in moderation and in good company, it can enhance camaradery and friendship. Taken in excess it does what everything taken in excess does and poisons the one who takes it. "Shane" takes it in excess; he cannot control his desire for it and would be a far better person if he could. We of the Lens have considered "Mercy Killing" him because of his lack of control, but it seems to be genetic and that would be a violation of the Prime Directive.

Should he continue as he has, however, we will be forced to place him in stasis simply to protect him from himself.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Commander Altron
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:37 PM

I follow your line of reasoning, Rapaire, and I will give it full consideration. But first we have more questions we need to ask the Shane Being when he regains coherency. Then we will address the matter of whether or not the beer should be returned, and if so, in what manner. We could perhaps make some sort of trade for it.

We are not convinced that it is not, in fact, some sort of toxic weapon. If so, we might be doing you Earthlings a real favor by disposing of it by offloading it into your sun's gravitational field.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:21 PM

Commander Altron, the "beer" was taken without obtaining the permission of those who possessed the beer or reimbursing them for the substance. It takes time to make, and even more time to grow the plants which are used to make it. It is not correct to usurp the work of another without reimbursing the other or at the very least asking permission to take or use it.

May I suggest that the empty bottles be placed back in the storage facility from which they were taken, and "Shane" be placed in the middle of them? He would, of course, be in his integument since his own "clothing" was destroyed for sanitary reasons and you would not want to violate the Prime Directive by leaving him dressed in Grey clothing.

Wait! Find a place called "Salvation Army." They often have a box colored at about 7000 angstrom units wherein cast-off clothing can be placed. It will not matter if "Shane" is dressed in clothing such as that in which he was found, as this planet does not differentiate between the sexes (we have two) in that way. Thus any article of clothing you might extract and which fits him would be correct.

You will want to render him unconscious before dressing him and returning him and the empty bottles.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Commander Altron
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:08 PM

This is Commander Altron, aboard Grey vessel #69705. I have been carefully studying Artixes' notes. I notice that IWTATBM had a question not answered by Artixes. It was this:

"Can you suggest ways of increasing the number of posts we need to reach our target of 85 billion?"

I must first respond to this by asking a question of my own in return. Why do you want to do that? Are you building a very long fence somewhere?

I am also wondering if the Shane creature is typical of Earthling society or if he is an anomaly? Does he resemble the leaders in your society?

Still another question. What is the approximate value of 14,226 bottles of your beverage that is called "beer"? Not in your money terms...we have no interest in that...but as a bargaining chip in an intergalactic negotiation with the ruling classes on your planet?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:00 PM

Oh, my aching head. What nameless stuff is IN that vile concoction called "beer"? How has the Earthling Shane survived this long if he drinks so much of it? I would have thought it was a plot on his part to kill all of us if I had not seen him drinking down his "two-four" with such obvious delight and gusto.

Unbelievable. He must be almost brain dead by now.

I am sorry to say that the Shane being also got sick, much sicker than I, because he drank so much of the beer so fast. He has regurgitated in the skyview lounge and made a very big mess there. We have put him in sick bay, along with myself and Meklor. He is a disgrace. I am beginning to wonder if euthanasia would be the kindest procedure for this Shane Being, but our code advises against it except in cases where there is no other good solution...

I will have to give it some thought.

We may have to rethink what to do with the beer. It could be held in reserve as the ultimate secret weapon in case the Arcturians ever decide to move against us...we would trick them all into drinking it and destroy their offensive capability in a single bold and clever stroke.

Meanwhile we still have to find out about the other most valuable Earth commodity, "babes". But that must wait until Shane becomes more coherent again.

Perhaps tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 14 May 07 - 02:59 PM

Well, IWTATBM, a few ideas occur to me.

You would be wise to give up the practice of war entirely, for one. It is a useless and wasteful endeavour. In fact, it is insane. We are capable of fighting a war if required, but we have not had one in a very, very long time.

In order to prevent war, one needs to establish relative equality, unity, and justice throughout the whole society as well as friendship with neighbouring societies. This is achieved by resolving everyone's basic survival needs first of all, then ensuring that all have a good level of such things as material well being, education, entertainment, interesting and useful ways of contributing to society, that sort of thing. It takes good planning and responsible leadership to achieve that. It also takes a genuine desire that all should prosper.

Nonviolence is an essential principle in any advanced society. There can never be an excuse for practicing violence on others nor should the state be allowed to do so either.

Everyone must have the same legal protections, regardless of their station in life. The best way of eliminating immoral manipulations of the legal system by those at the top is to eliminate the stuff you call "money". This can be done, and we did it a long time ago. We do things because they are good things to do, not because they produce more money. We have no idea what anything "costs", only how useful it is. If it is very useful, then we give it top priority and allocate resources until it is accomplished. If it is not very useful, we give it little priority.

Everyone should have enough free time so that they feel happy, but enough work also so that they feel useful and needed. From this they gain a positive sense of self.

Travel to other worlds is encouraged, and open contact is to be made when and if those other worlds are ready and willing for it. Yours is almost ready for it...but not yet willing.

We do eat small amounts of food, but when doing space travel we eat a very concentrated form of food which does not tax the bodily systems too much. We also injest life force energy directly through the breath. So do you, but you don't seem to give it much recognition. Nevertheless, note that if your breath is shut off, you don't last long. Water is also essential to our existence, and this is one reason we are quite interested in your planet. You have a great deal of water here.

You also have very rugged physical systems, designed for brute survival under harsh conditions. We find that very interesting. Through genetic sharing we may be able to strengthen our own race in a number of ways.

Now I think I had best take a rest. That beverage has made me a bit queasy. It seems to be rather toxic. I think I shall lie down for a bit.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 14 May 07 - 02:32 PM

Artixes, do you have any words of wisdom to share with the peoples of this planet? Can you suggest ways of increasing the number of posts we need to reach our target of 85 billion? Do you eat food?

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 14 May 07 - 02:11 PM

Do you suppose, now that he is all clean and looking like a Greyan, that Officer Dana (assuming he finds her) will recognize Shane? Maybe it would be better if she didn't.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:55 AM

We have obtained a large amount of the "beer". It comes in many different bottles with attractive decorations on them, and it also comes in cans. It seems odd that so much effort would be spent on providing different forms of packaging for what is essentially the same thing. Why do these Earthlings do it? It's inefficient in the extreme. It would be wiser to simply make a single type of generic container for all this beer.

Shane, however....that is the subject's name: Shane...Shane has told us that there are significant differences between the different, as he puts it, "brands" of beer.

I have tasted several of them. They are all the same...absolutely dreadful! I have to admit, though, upon further tasting that there are minute differences between one brand and another, in that this one tastes even worse than that one, if you follow me.

I find that my powers of acute observation are declining with the frequency of tasting, though, so I think I had best stop.

Shane has been telling us all about the beer and how important it is. It appears to be the cultural foundation of his society. This may explain why they are still living in such a primitive and reactionary state, and why we have to take care to avoid being shot down by their paranoid air defence systems!

Fortunately, their technology is quite primitive, so there is little danger.

Shane seems to have quite a bit of experience at getting into beer containing facilities after dark. He warned us of the alarm systems. These were nullified by our electronic damping systems. We then removed and levitated a circular cutout from the roof of the building, sufficient to beam down and secure large amounts of the beer. It was child's play.

Shane says that the "cops" are going to go "nuts" trying to figure out how it was done. He seems very pleased about it. We reattached the circular cutout to the roof upon leaving and seamlessly restored its molecular integrity, so the beer we took will appear to have simply vanished into thin air.

Shane is so happy with the success of our beer acquisition that he has been almost beside himself. He wants us to repeat the operation at other beer facilities in larger centres, but we feel that we have enough now. Surely with this amount of beer we have a bargaining chip that can allow us heavy leverage in any future high-level planetary negotiations with the Earthlings?

We have reminded Shane that we promised him only 1 "two-four". A two-four turns out to be a box containing 24 bottles of beer.

He is halfway through drinking it now, and has become a bit more incoherent than he was a few hours ago. We are observing this with much interest.

He is staggering about and complimenting us on all the lovely features in our ship and our cleverness in acquiring free beer.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:25 AM

The Patrol was forced to ground a craft in Northern Ontario early this morning when it was operated in an unsafe manner. The hemocyanin-alcohol level of the operators of this craft was 12.7, considerably over the 0.06 legal limit for this body type. The Patrol is also investigating the possible relationship between this incident and the earlier theft of a local alcoholic beverage warehouse, including its contents.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 13 May 07 - 10:40 PM

We are making some progress here. First of all, we have secured some genetic material. A paltry amount, I assure you. The subject will not miss it. As for the subject, he is calming down, having accepted his situation, and we have succeeded in managing some fragmentary communication with him. The fact that the subject's vocabulary seems limited to a surprisingly small group of words and phrases has made it a bit difficult to communicate clearly, but he says he will tell us anything we want to know for a "two four of beer". Upon further questioning we have ascertained that beer is a bubbly beverage containing alcohol. This may explain the unusually large traces of alcohol that permeate this individual's cells. Really quite remarkable! We have seen this before, but usually not to such an extent as this time. As I say, remarkable!

The subject has been reclothed in a silver space suit, and he looks almost Greyan. Well, I exaggerate! He looks vaguely Greyan. I was being humorous.

He says that we can obtain a large amount of beer from a certain building if we will just go there late at night and get in somehow when the people are not around. That should not be difficult. He says that if we fly down over Sudbury, he will show us where the building is. We will use stealth mode. It should be "a piece of cake", he says, and I would tend to agree.

He says that the two most valuable things on this planet are beer and "babes". We will have to question him further on the "babes" matter. He may be referring to infant humans. If so, it is admirable that he has such a strong loyalty to the future of his own race, encapsulated, as it were, in its chidren.

Perhaps he is not as degenerate as he appears on first acquaintance.

Considering that this beer beverage is as valuable as he says, we intend to take away as large an amount of it as we can safely get in the cargo areas of the ship. When told of this, he seemed VERY impressed indeed. He says we are "flippin' A-Okay". I think that means "very good".

We will make our move around 3 AM, local Terran time. He says that is the best time to do it. This should really be quite interesting. I look forward to it with considerable anticipation.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 07:00 PM

Heck, LH, us folks in Idaho been doing all them things and lots more for years and years. I guess you guys are just catchin' up.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 May 07 - 02:27 PM

SuperHoser. Able to chug an entire two-four in 10 seconds. Able to jump tall curbs with his 4 x 4 and avoid arrest for drivin' under the affluence of incohol. Able to pick up whole busloads of great lookin' chicks just by winkin' his eye....

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:15 PM

Is it a bird?



Is it a plane?


No, it's ........



SuperShane.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:33 AM

Yes, and vice-versa.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: IWTATBM
Date: 13 May 07 - 07:51 AM

Hey Artixes, this thread is not limited to earthlings only. Please recommend us to any other alien species you may encounter. Perhaps every alien race has a Shane of their own? Perhaps our Shane will return to us with alien super powers. Things have changed dramatically - I am now confident we will reach 85 billion by the end of the year. No point in quiting this thread now when the end is so near.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:46 PM

Oh, drat it, Artixes! Mulian the Serbetes sort of promised that you'd keep him for an example of genetic material gone awry.

Well, I can certainly understand why you don't want to do so.

Try refugating the Meklor mind meld. I think you've run into a simple case of "mental blue event horizon" and refugating should restore 99.999% of Meklor's mind. Whatever's left will be far more than the probee had before.

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Canadienne
Date: 12 May 07 - 07:53 PM

ring this number Shane

Subject: RE: BS: Will this thread reach 85 billion posts?
From: GUEST,Artixes the Grey
Date: 12 May 07 - 02:52 PM

We have the Earthling more or less clean now, after applying massive amounts of Agent 53. His vestments have been thrown into the disintegrator beam, as they were deemed beyond cleansing. We will supply him with new vestments shortly out of our own supplies. He will look very much better in a close-fitting silver body suit and boots and gloves. His strugglings and frenzied vocalizations have been quite something to witness, and we have made holographic recordings of it all for future analysis.

Meklor is under sedation while we try to determine how to restore him to his normal mental faculties. The last thing he did was to beg for "pizza", whatever that is...