BS: The Recipe From Hell

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: Helen
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 02:35 PM

Elizabeth David's cook books - simple, fresh food. Brilliant!

In Oz there is a common custom of "bring and share" dinners to take the load of responsibility off the host/ess. Everyone contributes a dish and usually there is a wide variety of food to suit all tastes. The trick would be to convince your relative that this is a brilliant idea - a diplomatic mission worth accomplishing. Then, at least, everyone would get something they like to eat and they would only have to take a small sample of what they didn't like.

My Mum cooked meat & 3 veg meals which were all good. Not exciting, not gourmet, but good, healthy fare. She didn't make a lot of sweet things, even before she was diagnosed with diabetes, but anything she cooked was good. Lucky us! She even worked out healthy vegetarian alternatives for my Dad when he decided to stop eating meat.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: GUEST,John Gray in Oz
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 02:51 PM

My first wife was such a bad cook she had the only kitchen in the world where the flies came home to die.

JG/FME

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 07:00 PM

To be a truly bad cook - you must despise the people you are cooking for AND the meal you are cooking.

The Spanish are great at their own cuisine, but they have nothing but naked resentment for anyone who comes to Spain and wants to eat non Spanish.

My mother in law was a case in point. She was totally mistrustful of anything in the slightest bit foreign. And despite many dire experiences she kept ordering omelettes and egg and bacon.

One egg and bacon day in Benidorm,   I looked at her across the table end enquired the reason for her evident distress.

'They've put garlic in the fried egg,' she said mournfully. I did what any son in law would do in the circumstances - and laughed my ass off and ordered another large brandy.

One time in Grand Canaria I was seduced by the promise of a chicken curry for 325 pesetas in a bar. My wife said, 'Don't be stupid - you're wasting money. You know they they don't know what chicken curry is.'

Well what can one say? I should have realised Denise was right by the incredulous look on the face of the barman - incredulous that anyone would be so stupid as to wish to eat a meal with its origins in the dark regions of the earth.

The meal arrived. A teaspoon full of Colemans curry sauce on a chicken leg. I turned the chicken leg over - there was still ice on the other side.

I looked up the barman, and three of his mates stood there ready to beat me up if I asked for my money back. I ordered a large brandy. The three men looked the other way and started talking, and you could feel the atmosphere in the bar calm down. If I had suggested he didn't know how to cook a chicken curry - it would have been a real blow to his macho thing, and I would have been floating in the Atlantic alongside Robert Maxwell.

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 01:46 AM

1. Vegetable chow mein, carrots, potato & leek soup, cheese & bics, Glass of milk

2. Spinach quiche, peas & carrots, fresh fruit, Apple juice

3. Roast Lamb & gravy, broccoli, wholemeal bread & butter, fresh fruit, Glass of milk.

YUM? these were meals I had in hospital & as I was writing on the back of the accompanying menu/ID sheet, I still have proof of what was offered to post-operative surgical patients lasat week. When I could walk I wandered out to the cafe & bought a chicken sandwich on grainy bread - it was the best thing I could find, then I was released & could eat real food again.

Vegetable chow mein (= 1 tablespoon noodles, 1 soup spoon vegs), carrots (1 tblsp), potato & leek soup (maybe 2 tablsps), cheese & bics (2 crackers & small square of cheese in a plastic 1-serve packet), Glass of milk (small)

Spinach quiche (about 2" square), peas & carrots (1 tblsp each), fresh fruit, Apple juice (small)

Roast Lamb & gravy (1 slice about palm size), broccoli (2 TINY branches), wholemeal bread & butter, fresh fruit, Glass of milk.

The only protein option at brekkie was peanut butter - cereals & bread + fruit & milk & juices were all we were offered.

No wonder I needed lots of vegetables & grainy bread when I was released. I can still remember a meal in the early 80's when my friend cooked for 3 adults & 2 kids half a steamer of vegs - I normally over-filled the steamer for my meal, & still do.

sandra (vegetable addict)

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Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 08:42 AM

Becca, you are your father's daughter : )

I think that it takes both ignorance AND contempt to cook badly on a regular basis. Anyone can follow a recipe, and take criticism delivered gently? If delivered along with a very beautiful, simple and basic cookbook.

I'm thinking maybe this person can't taste at all, Gnu. Maybe it truly doesn't taste the way you experience the horror?

My mother wasn't much interested in food, and so didn't have the same enjoyment her daughters had. Food was bland, predictable, but not horrible. She cooked a small handful of things very well, and I don't recall much deviation. I think that's a good formula if you're not all that engaged in the food or the cooking.

I, on the other hand, LOVE food. As a chef, my current gig involves cooking for, and teaching, women with eating disorders. Some are talented, skilled cooks who just don't want to eat the food; others (and these are the fun ones) have never made a peanut butter sandwich for themselves. With some very basic skills in place, and good basic recipes, even the worst are trainable, believe me.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 10:53 AM

Dani... "Anyone can follow a recipe, and take criticism delivered gently?"

Yes, but she "tweaks" em all to make em better. Hey, if a tsp of spice is good, a handful is better.

Criticism? Hahahaaaaaa! I have seen small children refuse to eat... it did not go over well.

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: kendall
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 10:59 AM

I've eaten at Dani's place, and believe me, it was all delicious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: Charmion
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 11:03 AM

Oh, gnu -- been there, heard that, cringed with everyone else at the table.

When I left home (age 18) and became mistress of my own kitchen -- one square foot of counter space, one tiny cupboard and a primitive gas cooker -- it was like being let out of jail.

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 05:19 PM

You're sweet Kendall, but my judges also include my sisters, who have tales of my 'practice' cooking many years ago : ) and I'm still living down the coconut custard pie that wasn't quite the same without the sugar, among other kitchen disasters.

Gnu, sounds like a kitchen intervention is in order.

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: The Recipe From Hell
From: kendall
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 09:00 PM

Dani my dear friend, there is an old saying, "Show me someone who has never made a mistake and I'll show you someone who has never done anything."
I've never learned anything doing something right.