The Linda MaCartney Story??

Subject: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 May 00 - 04:23 PM

Had lunch with a pair of ladies who were gleefully relating how they sobbed buckets at a TV movie over the weekend called "The Linda MacCartney Story". It sounded completely dreadful, larded with every cliche from 1930's movies about gracefully sainted dying women (no blood, vomit, or etc.) who are revealed to be the real reason for the sucess of their talented husbands (see Desiree re: Napoleon). They admitted it was completely horrible, but ate it up. Anyone else see this turkey? (I speak as someone who for a long time hoped for the Linda MacCartney-Yoko One World Wrestling Federation MudWrestling Contest).

yours, Peter T.
P.S. Yes, she was admirable in many ways. I speak of the movie here.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 23 May 00 - 04:26 PM

Apologies for the misspellings. McCartney, Ono, etc.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: ceitagh
Date: 23 May 00 - 04:31 PM

It was an enjoyable watch, from my p.o.v, tho i realise that as someone who was born 3 days before john lennon died, i am probably not the most informed critic. The dying/sick scenes were easily the least interesting (and least messy) parts of the movie...the best were the few scenes with the rest of the band, and the one scene where Paul and Linda are arguing about her performing with Wings...Linda: "Mick Jagger says he'd never let his old lady on stage!" Paul:"well screw mick jagger." Linda:"i already have!"
. Otherwise, a mediocre and not terribly impressive bit of work, but fun if you like love stories.
Ceit

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: JenEllen
Date: 23 May 00 - 04:32 PM

I suppose there had to have been something there to keep them together through all of that life. I for one, just don't want to know about it. Some things are better kept private. But if Yoko wrestles...puh-leeze let me know...
JenEllen

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 May 00 - 04:59 PM

ZZZZZZZZZZZ But I slept through the hockey finals too.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 May 00 - 06:46 PM

Well, I'll know to miss this one if it surfaces - but there's a story there that could be made into a very good film.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Mooh
Date: 23 May 00 - 08:20 PM

Could it have been worse than the David Cassidy piece of crap of a couple of months ago? SO and I laughed all through that one, and it wasn't intended to be funny. Not to be deliberately obtuse, but do these people actually rate movies about them, or is somebody only in it for the money?

Personally, I'd like to see documentaries about art and music...Mooh.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 23 May 00 - 10:20 PM

Hi Peter. Well I sure was surprised to see YOUR name as the instigator of this one....but...yes, I was at the TV for a couple of hours. Mostly I was watching Rudy Giuliani's tearful farewell from New York politics, but I have to admit my evil cynical side took over every 5 minutes and I'd flip to "Linda Mc" and "The Brady Bunch Movie". As you know I love stuff that is SOOOO bad it's hilarious, and both of these qualify in spades. Atrocious acting, for a start, and down hill from there. I know I'm a snob, but holy cow.

Rick

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Callie
Date: 24 May 00 - 12:30 AM

I take it this was a MOVIE - with actors playing Linda & Paul??! How hysterically tragic. Why can't they leave things alone?!We haven't had the pleasure of receiving it here in Australia yet.

A documentary, with real footage, music, Linda's photos - that I can understand. If it was well done, it could even be worth watching, but a MOVIE?! Hope they at least got the accents right.

Rick: be a snob and be proud of it!

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 May 00 - 09:05 AM

Name a "Made For TV" movie that isn't pure crap. They automatically qualify for my "Good For A Laugh if you have nothing better to do" rating. Snob and proud of it. SS

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: BeauDangles
Date: 24 May 00 - 09:27 AM

The made for t.v. movie about the temptations was very good, I thought. Even moving. Did anybody else see it?

BeauD

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 24 May 00 - 09:39 AM

One UK tv critic (naturally I can't remember who!) said the sentence in our equivalent of the TV Guide which always filled him with dread was: " A tv movie starring Jane Seymour".
RtS [Not as scary as an announcement:" and now Roger will sing to us"!]

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 00 - 09:43 AM

News to me! I thought every TV movie starred Jane Seymour.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 09:45 AM

Why are all these things so friggin' bad?

Yeah, I know.....We all have different tastes and I have a few that I have enjoyed for reasons other than the laughs. But really.......These pseudodocuwhogivesacrapdramas stand as one of the worst genres extant and prove that appealing to the lowest common denominator is the way to go. And like so many others, I have to force myself NOT to watch. I enjoy the laughs, but somewhere inside I'm looking for that one that really is great. Like I say, there's some good ones, but the majority???????????........ oy .........And what really gets me is that I'll watch something about someone I couldn't have cared less about previously....I gave myself a star for NOT watching the Brady Bunch thing which offsets the black mark I got for David Cassidy.

Just send the Insanevac. I wonder what's playing at the NYCFFTS?

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: MMario
Date: 24 May 00 - 10:29 AM

Tonite at the NYCFFTS Theatre - by special arrangement, one night only, "The True Story behind the Making of the Made For Television Movie ~ The Making of The Brady Bunch Movie" - a fourteen segment, 27 hour docudrama you can't afford to miss! Videocassettes available for the low price of only 19.99 down and 19.99 a month for 56 months.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 24 May 00 - 10:36 AM

We're showing films at the Center now? You mean I gotta sell popcorn as well as empty bedpans? Do I get to shine a torch on the folks in the back row?
And after that rush of admissions last weekend. We gotta get more staff,'Spaw.
RtS
:o<

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 10:41 AM

The problem is we have so damn many of the staff on the patient list Skiff.........

And Mario...Now that that one's in the can, are they palnning a sequel?

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 00 - 11:36 AM

Next Up: McCartney, A Different View. The life story of Paul McCartney's dog Martha, and her complex struggle to come to terms with fame, lack of residuals from her own song, and her startling revelations about the dinner dish. Starring Jane Seymour as Martha and Hugh Grant as the dinner dish.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 11:40 AM

LMAO Peter..........Hugh grant as the dinner dish???? Geeziz the screen is covered with coffee.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 24 May 00 - 11:44 AM

This would be a wooden dinner dish, then?
RtS

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 11:49 AM

I would imagine so Skiff........It says Oscar Mayer on the side and I hear they are available. You can use them as a nut bowl too.

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 May 00 - 02:15 PM

Why don't they do something on someone I'm really interested in, like William Frawley: Loveable Curmudgeon or Cranky Bastard? Fill 'er up with Fred, Ethel.

My recent favorite was Different Strokes: Behind the Laughter, where the entire movie was in the form of a narrated reminiscence by Dana Plato as she lay dying of an overdose. Dana Plato ?... if anyone ever picked an inappropriate stage name, it was old Dana. I couldn't figure out if it was supposed to be funny, but it sure had some laughers.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 00 - 03:01 PM

PAUL MCCARTNEY: A DIFFERENT VIEW

PART VII

(The scene opens in the palatial McCartney manor on the isolated British parcel of land he owns, called Lancashire. Martha (played by Jane Seymour) is brushing her hair, and growling:

RRRRFF, RFFFFF, RRRFFFFF!!<

Linda McCartney (played by Diana, Princess of Wales) enters:"Martha, what are you trying to tell us?"

In the other room, Paul McCartney (played by Lassie) is finishing work on another Wings album he started ten minutes earlier.

Linda calls to him: "Paul,darling, I think Martha is saying, Push, Push, Push. What do you think it means?"

Paul says: "It either means she thinks she is still on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, or she is trying to tell me to hurry up and get this album out before something terrible happens, like I think of some words to these songs besides ladalalalalallala. Silly old pooch!"

Linda looks down at Martha, who is nosing dog bits around in her dinner dish (played effectively and very rigidly by Hugh Grant).

Linda speaks again (but not before coughing slightly in a way that will become ominous 10 years later): "Paul, I think she is trying to spell out something in her dog food."

Paul comes in, carrying suitcases. Paul speaks: "Don't be ridiculous, luv, what could she possibly have to tell us? Now, hurry up, we'll miss that plane to Japan."

Linda and Paul leave the room. Martha looks down at the elaborate message in the dog food:

BEWARE, YOKO HAS STUFFED POT INTO YOUR SUITCASE!"

Martha whines. Hugh smiles his roguish smile. We break for a dogfood commercial.

coming up: PART VIII: JOHN MAKES AN EVEN WORSE ALBUM!!!

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 May 00 - 03:23 PM

Phone rings in McCartney manor and Martha knocks handset out of the receiver.

Martha; RUFF

Ringo: Hullo, Paul, it's Ringo. Wanted to ask yer opinion on a new concept I have fer an album. Old big band standards!

Martha: RUFF

Ringo: Yeah, Lad, I know it won't be easy, but I plan to use some of my enormous pile of money to hire the top musicians available, as well as a recording engineer...

Martha: whine whine

Ringo: Excellent suggestion. I was thinking of Weinstein myself! Listen, I'm going to call it Sentimental Journey, and I'll release a single of the old tune.

Martha: Howl

Ringo: Glad you like the idea mate. John was right, you are the walrus! See yer later, Lad!

Martha: Nice talkin' to yer (hangs up)

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 04:46 PM

I see this as maybe an Oliver Stone piece. Maybe a flashback when Martha digs up a jawbone in the backyard and its genetically matched to the REAL Paul. The flashback shows a figure resembling Lennon burying something years before.

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 24 May 00 - 04:48 PM

"THE GHOST AND PETER T" (Sidesplitting laff-riot sit-com)

Scene: Weary wacko prof., Peter T (played by David Carradine) is sitting down to a bowl of brown rice and swamp water. He stares vacantly at the guitar in the corner, and begins contemplating the universe and his role in it. Suddenly the ghost of Paul McCartney (who's career died several years ago) appears before him. (McCartney is played by one of those dumbass Beatle look alikes they get for crap like this)

"Ello Mate, 'ear you didn't like Linda's bio pic, and you bin tellin' those mudcat losers what a load of old cobblers you think it was."

"Paul! What a surprise! No, no, it was about average, but couldn't they have scheduled it on a week when Gielgud didn't die? It's just too much to deal with what with only six people in the world having seen his Benedick and 40 billion knowing everything about your ex. It's nothing personal."

"Maybe not mate, but here's a few things that they missed. I'll bet you didn't know that along with Jagger, Morrison, and the London Symphony, Linda had quite a thing for a while with that Gielgud bloke".

"But Paul, he was as ga....."

"Not on your life mate, back in the sixties he was a happenin' dude. Just ask Marianne Faithful and Joan Collins, if he weren't."

"Well, I guess if you say so Paul...hey you've got your guitar with you, would you play a tune for me?"

"I'd love to Pete, but right now I'm in a bit of a dillema..maybe you can help me out."

"Oh I don't think so Paul, I'm not in your class, actually I'm still learnin...."

"No, really mate. Ya see I'm in the Heavenly Orchestra now, and God's calling the musical shots, and the bass chair's already been taken by that Jaco Pastorius guy, and see, God's a big Joanie Mitchell fan so he wants me to write something in this weird tuning. I think he calls it "open G", or something. All I need is a couple of chords...maybe a "C" and "D" and how to put it into this strange tuning."

Peter grabs Paul's Martin, and before you can say "Yoko sucks" has it tuned to G (even though it IS left-handed)

"OK Paul just put your fingers there...right, that's C. Now try this. Yep, you got it, that's a D."

"Well ALL RIGHT MATE! Man, you saved my bacon. I'll be off now and I'll let the orchestra know that I sure bumped into the right picker down here. Hendrix is gonna freak at this man...wouldn't be surprised if he drops by for a few tips as well. Say, do you know you look a little George Martin?"

"Well my teacher says so, but he's certifiable."

"You know Peter, it's a shame we didn't meet you when we dumped that Sutcliffe guy...you coulda been the smart AND the cute Beatle all rolled into one. You're the one Linda would have fallen for then!"

"Gosh Paul, I don't know...well perhaps...I mean would John have liked me?"

"Hell ya! Gielgud would have LOVED you. Like I said, he got around."

Fade to black.

Tune in next week for "Peter T gives Mike Harris a hotfoot!"

Rick

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 05:02 PM

Excellent Rick.

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Mbo
Date: 24 May 00 - 05:18 PM

Who is Martha? Am I missing something?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: MMario
Date: 24 May 00 - 05:19 PM

read for content Mbo...*grin*

Martha is Paul's dog.

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Mbo
Date: 24 May 00 - 05:31 PM

I kinda figured that...I was just wondering if Martha was Paul's real dog. I guess I just didn't understand where Peter got the idea of Martha the Dog from...perhaps she's based of Martha Stewart!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 May 00 - 05:46 PM

RICK AND YOKO: A LITTLE KNOWN STORY

SCENE I:

(The movie opens outside the Windsor Arms, a hotel in Toronto. It is September 1969. A limousine stops. An Oriental Morticia Addams figure gets out, and begins to fight through the crowd of girls.)

YOKO (for it is she) (played by Sessue Hayakawa in a wig): (Points at likely looking lad) Boy, boy, take our luggage!

RICK (For it is he, played by Richard Chamberlain): Who, me?

YOKO: Yes, you, you are a bellhop aren't you? There's 50 bucks for your trouble.

RICK: (Who is in reality a struggling young musician in the local music scene in Yorkville, about 100 yards away) Anything for 50 bucks!

(He follows Yoko into the hotel. After a few seconds they realize John is lying stoned in the limo with a dead drunk Ronnie Hawkins. They turn back.) RICK: Hey, this toting luggage for famous musicians is pretty interesting. There might be a career in this!!

YOKO: (Sizes him up) "You know, you might be my next experiment. I'm thinking of calling it THREE EXPERIENCED PEOPLE."

They turn back around and go into the hotel. A few hours later, John and Ronnie enter the room. Rick and Yoko have been exchanging Japanese sex tips. Yoko turns off the toaster, and speaks:

YOKO: Hey, John, this kid thinks that you would be better as a solo.

JOHN: But I couldn't break up my band. Paul and I and the rest are mates. Without Paul's musical sense and managerial drive, I would be little better than a primal scream.

RONNIE HAWKINS: I don't mean to sound organized or anything. But the concert in Varsity Stadium is supposed to start in 10 minutes.

RICK: No, seriously, Yoko and I have talked it over. You should go back and dump those turkeys. You are the one, John. And Ronnie: about your old Band. Send them a message: country rock music will never happen. I was talking to this guy Gram Parsons, and he says no way.

JOHN: But what about Paul?

RICK: Come on, Johnny baby. All we are saying is Give John A Chance!!!! You'll see.

JOHN: Do you really think so, Yoko? We did have all these plans for an album after Abbey Road. It was going to be called: "The Best Music in History Ever".

YOKO: I think you should do whatever the hunk says.

JOHN: O.K. Right after the concert, I am going home. No more Beatles. Thank you - er, Rick. But we better go. Yoko, have you got your bag?

Yoko smiles at Rick, gets out of bed, drags bag filled with goat out of the closet. They move off towards Varsity Stadium. Night falls.

Rick goes to a nearby phone booth. He is carrying a guitar case filled with a guitar lifted from John Lennon's hotel room. He dials a number: "Hi, is this Martha? Rick Fielding here. Tell Linda she owes me one."

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 May 00 - 07:21 PM

Thats fab! Man, you guys are gear!

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: JenEllen
Date: 24 May 00 - 10:43 PM

Good gravy...how many times CAN tea shoot thru a person's nose before there are serious effects done??? You guys are wicked, wicked men....(keep 'em comin')
~Elle

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 May 00 - 10:54 PM

Holy goatcheese.......Roll on boys!!!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: Callie
Date: 24 May 00 - 11:04 PM

I had to read the thread twice: I thought it was Rick Fielding played by Richard CLAYDERMAN!!!! LOL!!!!

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 25 May 00 - 04:56 AM

'Spaw, forget the films at the NYCFTTS, let's hire the Toronto Strolling Players to do their show "Linda! The Musical" (Rick, PeterT, Bonnie, Mike et al [who's Al?]). It'll entertain the patients and if we can get them in on pretext of treatment for GAS, CRS etc., tell 'em it's drama therapy and save on the fee.
RtS

Subject: RE: The Linda MaCartney Story??
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 May 00 - 07:24 AM

Skiff, once again you prove your worth as the Chief of Staff and Bedpan Cleaner at the Center. Their stuff is great and the freebie angle is perfect. But hellfire, what's the worst case scenario? I mean, we can get by real cheap on them anyway. First, they're Canadian. Out of loyalty to a fellow countryman alone, they ought to work cheap. Additionally, whatever they charge, we can pay them in that funny money they use......It doesn't look real and we can probably get some Monopoly money, whack a picture of an old broad on it, and they'll never notice.

Spaw--CEO
Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed